What is real help? Whether mercy is needed is everyone's decision. Do we need empathy and compassion in life?

The feeling of compassion, sympathy or empathy is internal state. It's because of other people's problems. Of course, empathy is one of the best human qualities. If you are able to have compassion for others, it means you understand other people's feelings. This helps build strong relationships. It is important for every person to realize that they are supported.

What is compassion and empathy

But it is important to understand what constitutes compassion and empathy. These feelings make a person better. Often these concepts are used in the form of synonymous words; it is believed that these are the same emotions.

If you delve into these words, sympathy is the shared experience of certain emotions, and compassion is shared suffering due to something. Both terms mean that a person goes through joy and sorrow and misfortune with another person. Both feelings are caused by a situation where pity and support are required. But these are things that need to be demonstrated if they are truly needed.

Compassion and empathy are similar emotions, but the main difference lies in their expression.

You can often hear that in modern world Only believers or poor people are capable of compassion and sympathy, and rich people do not think about anyone if it does not contribute to their well-being. It is believed that today, for every truly sympathetic person, there are 1000 who envy others. The reason for this opinion is the character of the individual himself. Indifferent people cannot experience such feelings.

IN everyday life we display such emotions based on specific situations. For example, one will give to the person asking, and the other will pass by. People show the greatest compassion towards their elderly parents, sick children, and friends.

Often, when showing compassion, we can offend a person who does not need pity. Besides, true compassion causes harm. If a doctor sympathizes with a patient and worries too much, he himself becomes ill. Therefore, he only needs to sympathize, but not sympathize.

Showing empathy means listening to your interlocutor and understanding his emotions. To do this, you will have to pass them through yourself. Sincerely sympathetic people get upset and worry in exactly the same way as the one who needs this sympathy. This instills faith in a person and helps him forget his worries. Empathy makes people kind.

Why does a person need compassion?

But why do we need compassion and empathy? If you emotional personality, and this feeling manifests itself too much, then you have noticed that it is difficult for you to feel the suffering of others. Someone else's negative energy wraps around you, you stop feeling the joy of life. Compassion has a depressing effect and takes away strength.

You should not become overly immersed in the suffering of other people. It is important to be able to stop and not harm yourself with other people’s misfortunes.

In addition, if you constantly sympathize with one person, it harms both him and you. Constantly being compassionate causes you to inadvertently prevent yourself from taking responsibility for your actions. own actions to a suffering person. Due to constant sympathy, the person feels his weakness and the need for outside help. Such people are not capable of living their lives independent life, they always need outside support.

Therefore, it is important not only to be able to empathize, but also to feel the boundary when you need to protect yourself from other people’s emotions. Measurement is needed in everything.

How to sympathize with someone

In order not to harm yourself, you need to know how to sympathize with a person:

you need to understand who causes such a feeling – your loved ones or everyone around you? From whom does it come? When you feel that you are taking other people's experiences too closely,... Don't get caught up in other people's problems. Support the person, convince him that he is not alone. But he needs to find a solution to the situation himself;
and return to the original state when you realize that you are plunging into other people's problems. Stop the conversation until you feel that you can understand the situation normally. Remember that all your feelings affect the body. For this reason for normal condition It is important to experience body and soul to the maximum;

be able to move from unconscious sympathy to conscious action in a timely manner. Whenever you try to get rid of compassion for others, you will feel guilty. But you should not consider yourself a person devoid of compassion. To support, you don’t have to let negative energy pass through you. Listen, but don't worry too much. Learn to protect yourself from negativity and excessive sympathy.

Of course it's important to stay kind person. We all have a responsibility to help our friends and loved ones. But it is possible to do this without harming yourself. It is important to maintain the balance of your own body in order to feel personal happiness.

Cultivating empathy and compassion in children

It is worth noting that with early childhood Serious attention needs to be paid to nurturing compassion and empathy in children. A child who is not able to show such emotions grows up, and sometimes becomes a true disaster for his parents and himself.

Only those children whose parents show similar example by your behavior. In order for a child to care and empathize with others when they have problems, it is necessary to early age protect him from punishment.

It is possible to cultivate such qualities in children only by example. It is important for parents to show their child how to behave.

If mom and dad show mutual politeness, are also polite to other people, and show care, then the baby will get used to behaving similarly. Researchers have found that men are more capable of experiencing empathy and compassion in families. But we are accustomed to thinking that they are stronger, and therefore show less feelings. When a woman feels bad, a man helps, not just by sympathizing, but by showing compassion and care. He is ready to help his beloved around the clock.

As for women, they are able to experience sympathy for a short period of time. This is because when a man is unwell, a woman, seeing his emotions, first feels compassion. But then, noticing how he is trying to seem strong, the woman’s compassion disappears.

Even if men express complaints about life, they are not ready for the compassion of others. When showing sympathy for men, there is a chance to touch their pride, because all representatives of the stronger sex are afraid of appearing weak.

What to guide in life

In some situations, it is difficult to understand what to guide in life - the mind or the heart. There is no single correct answer. Every situation requires special approach. Both the heart and the mind are capable of making mistakes.

It is worth conducting a logical analysis of the situation, accepting important decisions, taking into account the opinion of reason and knowledge. We all use experience and knowledge in practice every day, we use reason. Most decisions come to be made using the dictates of reason, because some things in life are simply inappropriate. You don’t walk across the road as you please without following the rules. This will cause a disaster sooner or later. By applying knowledge, we make sure it is safe, and only then decide what to do.

But when it comes to own emotions, desires, then the mind becomes a disturbing element. In matters of the heart, you often have to live with your heart, turning off logic. Often a person is unable to do something because he is afraid of the consequences. But in such a situation, it is better to trust the call of the heart rather than the mind, so as not to regret in the future.

Fears and inability to believe in yourself are created by the mind; they are based on accumulated experience. If you previously had to experience such fear, then when making a decision today, you will feel fear and anxiety. This will cause indecision. For this reason, it is important to set goals, listen to your heart and act on its prompts.

In the modern world, few people think about what empathy is. The rhythm of life, stress, unstable economic situation and other troubles in life force a person to think about himself and his well-being. Similar situation can lead to the decomposition of society and the destruction of traditional foundations, so we must not forget about such human qualities.

Compassion - what is it?

Sympathy is one of the most important, expressing feelings about a situation or situation. Why is sympathy needed? It allows an individual to understand other people’s emotions and remain human. This condition can be based on the following principles:

attachments;
understanding;
respect.

Often such emotions express empathy for another person. They can be expressed in different ways:

necessary or gentle words;
encouraging actions;
physical or material assistance.

The ability to sympathize is good, it is important to do it on time and not to be intrusive, since sometimes heated situations arise in which this “gesture” will be unnecessary and there is a high probability that sympathy will cause psychological damage to the individual. Therefore, it is so important to express the emotional state in question sincerely and at the appropriate moment.

How is empathy different from compassion?

Understanding what empathy and compassion are will be beneficial for character and personality development. These are similar concepts that express a feeling of empathy for another person. Their difference lies in the fact that empathy allows you not only to understand the situation, but also to feel the emotions of the other. Empathy and compassion in equally must be present in the life of society, otherwise it will become callous and indifferent to the world around it.

Pity and sympathy - what's the difference?

Another similar concept is pity. It manifests itself in the form of the same empathy, but without emotional coloring, without experiencing the same emotions and feelings. Sometimes the feeling of pity is not accompanied by a desire to participate in a person’s problem, but is expressed only with kind, encouraging words. In most cases, when expressing pity, a person conveys his feelings towards another, rather than experiencing the feelings of others. Sympathy and pity are generally similar in meaning, but have different connotations.

Is empathy good or bad?

Many people ask the question: Do people need empathy? Replies to this question maybe two, and each of them has its own explanation:

Empathy is necessary because it strengthens social connections in society, allows people to remain human and show their emotions. By sympathizing, we show that we care about the person.
If a person is upset, then sympathy can weaken him even more state of mind, enhance the manifestation negative emotions and make the situation worse. IN in this case sympathy will be unnecessary.

From the responses discussed, we can conclude that empathy is necessary at certain moments depending on the situation and emotional state the person to whom it is directed. It is important not to overdo it and to know when the manifestation of such an emotional state will be appropriate in order to truly help the person, and not, on the contrary, aggravate the situation.

Do we need empathy and compassion in life?

Very complex, a little philosophical question- Do people need empathy and compassion? Most people would likely say that it is necessary. Such qualities are a manifestation of caring, caring attitude. It is important to convey to children about them during their upbringing and personality formation. Constantly receiving a portion of the emotions of compassion and empathy, a person can demand them more and more often - he will get used to it or will wait permanent solution their problems. He can manipulate his condition to achieve goals. Therefore, it is not for nothing that the expression “everything is good in moderation” exists.

How to learn to sympathize?

The answer to the question of how to express sympathy will depend on the specific situation. It is important to be able to sympathize correctly and in a timely manner. A person needs to show that they understood him, shared his experiences, but at the same time gave him strength to get out of the current situation. Often required:

For a more complete and deep understanding of the meaning this term You can turn to some books, both adults and children. For example:

Author's book Ruth Minshull How to Choose Your People talks about what you can pay attention to when meeting people and how to choose those whom you can later call “yours.” The book contains separate chapter dedicated to the concept of empathy.
Alex Cabrera "Fairies Speak of Compassion"- an excellent book that makes it possible to convey meaning to a child this concept and teach him to show empathy at the right moments.

Books about empathy and compassion allow people to become more open and kind, and teach children to be caring in certain situations. By periodically reminding yourself of what empathy is, and that sometimes you cannot do without it, you can make the world a better place. The manifestation of such a feeling, along with compassion and mutual assistance, leads to the unity of society, the establishment of social relations within it, maintaining traditions and connections between generations. This is important for the development of a full-fledged, mature, stable society.

Sympathy is the ability of a person to feel the sadness, suffering, sadness of others, to experience the grief that other people experience. The ability to sympathize with someone else’s grief helps a person to be more pleasant to communicate with and establish relationships with others. A sympathetic person knows how to provide support, encouragement, reassurance, and this at the same time becomes an incentive for someone to start looking for a solution to the problem that has arisen. If an individual is characterized by empathy and compassion, it is easy to establish contact with him, such people usually do not evaluate or criticize actions or beliefs, these people are simply ready to devote part of their time and attention to you during the necessary period of life.

What is empathy

We learn empathy from infancy, most often by copying the behavior of our parents and close relatives. It is very important to show your child ways to express sympathy. If the child is accustomed to being sympathized and supported after any failure, he will show himself in the same way as an adult.

Buddhism reveals the phenomenon of empathy and compassion as a thirst to free others from suffering. Buddhists believe that the essence of humanity is compassion, love and kindness. To express empathy, humanity also needs wisdom.

An interesting view of empathy was described by David Myers in his work “ Social Psychology", where the author gives psychological characteristics sympathy. Any exciting situation in anyone’s life possibly awakens the so-called.

Myers took as a basis three factors of sympathetic expression of feelings. Firstly, by reacting with sympathy to the depressed mental state of the individual, our psyche unconsciously reduces its distress to nothing and removes inner feeling guilt. Myers called it veiled. Secondly, by sympathizing, we can, distracting ourselves from our own experiences, switch to the experiences of others. Thirdly, we are pushed to express sympathy by generally accepted rules. By rules we mean the expectations of society that dictate specific behavior and emotional reaction. This can be described as tact, good manners and humanity.

The ability to sympathize with others is a key trait in the character of a practicing psychologist. Carl Rogers believed that without this quality the work of a psychologist would be impossible. He describes that compassion (sympathy, empathy) is a fundamental trait of the therapist in the therapeutic relationship with the patient, and a basic requirement for personal change in the client himself. Rogers' characterization of empathy was as follows: the phenomenon is a complex process involving awareness of the role, experiences and principles of the individual. However, you need to realize that this is not a primitive recognition of a person’s experiences, as well as the ability to timely go beyond the boundaries of the situation that has arisen and evaluate it from a new perspective.

Sympathy and compassion are very often used as synonyms, but the difference in these terms can be described as follows: compassion is a feeling of sadness, and empathy is a state of mind that can bring a feeling of joy to life.

What is more important: sympathy or real help?

Have you ever faced the question: how to help? to a loved one? Will you listen and provide moral support or throw all your resources into resolving the complexity? It is impossible to give a categorical answer to this question; you should start from the prevailing circumstances, conditions and the person who approached you. For one financial problem This is only a temporary difficulty, for another it is a complete disaster! Therefore, when providing support, it is necessary to take into account the characteristics and characteristics of a person. Regarding your direct participation, there are big risks here; by solving problems for your loved ones, you are placing obligations for their lives on your personal account. Subsequently, he will lose the incentive to solve on his own, and at the first difficulties he will simply look for someone else to find a solution instead of him. Also, your sincere help will not be appreciated and as a result there will be more complaints and reproaches against you than the gratitude you deserve. With empathy, things are a little different. When a person speaks out, shares with you the moments that bothered or upset him, feels that he is understood and supported, he has resources for further movement. By also discussing the problem with loved ones, you can find a solution where it was not even considered before. But if we become too immersed in the problems of others, then we begin to live someone else’s life, while devaluing our own. The main thing is to realize that empathy and compassion are wonderful, but how do we deal with our own questions? Don't lose sight of the fact that everyone is responsible for the outcome decisions made and actions. Protect yourself from the burden of other people's problems.

Don’t rush to improve someone else’s life, listen, help the person not to keep everything to himself, because sometimes even silent participation is enough to help.

Should we learn empathy?

Sympathy and compassion border on such human traits like - responsiveness, empathy and other positive qualities that have an impact on the development of a full-fledged personality. Everyone wants to see people capable of kind, selfless and sincere actions, can this be without sympathy? From childhood, we learn to respect our elders, help our parents, we are taught that we need to protect and take care of weak animals; it is impossible to do all this without empathy.

Try to explain to your child that everyone around them feels pain and resentment, discuss your feelings, together with your child you can assign each feeling its own color, this will be interesting for both the baby and you. If disagreements arise, it is worth discussing why this happens and what the participants are experiencing. Parents' house should be filled with an atmosphere of peace and tranquility. If a child has shown behavior towards you or others, ask what exactly caused it and how it is possible to change this situation. A child who has been instilled with empathy and compassion since childhood will not treat animals roughly, offend younger ones, or generally prove that he is right with his fists. Explain to your child that expressing sympathy is not a sign of weakness, but an indicator of proper upbringing. If you show how you can express sympathy, then in the future the baby, first of all, will care about the feelings of others, and will look for a way out without resorting to. Books can be an excellent way to instill compassion and empathy in a child. In all fairy tales there are characters who experience the whole gamut of emotions: anger, compassion and empathy. By going on a journey with your favorite characters, your child will learn to show kindness. All children from birth are filled with love for the world, and the task of parents is to develop positive attitude further, and not allow it to give way to anger and aggression.

Growing up, we are faced with cruelty, which is explained by the fact that individuals there is no sympathy. People of this nature are difficult to contact; they are rude, selfish and do not spare the feelings of others. Very often the root of the problem goes back to childhood; they did not have an example of a parent who would show them how to express sympathy (in many cases such people are repressed and emotionally closed). Such individuals are avoided and tried to be kept at a distance. But you can help cope with this by showing that empathy and compassion are the norm. Suppressed things accumulate inside us and can cause harm to our health. To achieve peace of mind, tranquility and harmony with yourself and the world, do not be afraid to show your emotions. Sympathize with the troubles and failures of your loved ones, support them and motivate them to continue moving forward, not letting the bad take over, help people open their lives to all the good things that lie ahead!

Some time ago, as part of a volunteer group, I had the opportunity to visit a boarding school in our city of Obninsk. Then I made it for myself important discovery. If before it seemed to me that best help to orphans and boarding schools - these are monetary donations, renovation of rooms and classrooms, valuable gifts, but now I believe that the best gift to a child is the time and attention given to him. No, I don’t want to say that there is no need to help financially. It is absolutely necessary, because first of all, a person’s needs for food, clothing, warmth and comfortable conditions accommodation. But still, spiritual needs, which many forget about, are no less important.

While visiting the boarding school, I repeatedly noticed how indifferent children were to the toys they were given; many of them did not want to participate in games and entertainment events. But it seemed to us that this was all they needed! But what’s interesting is that they all fell madly in love with face painting. At first I decided that they just liked beautiful and bright patterns on the skin. And perhaps this was the first awakening in girls of a sense of femininity, which manifested itself in a craving for a kind of “makeup” and a desire to decorate themselves. But the boys showed no less interest in face painting, and I realized that my first thought was wrong. I wanted to solve the mystery of children’s love for this type of entertainment. I started watching them, and this is what I noticed.

When one of us drew cats and butterflies on the faces of the children, this was our only opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk. Without the frenzy of games, running, screaming and fuss. I asked the guys about their lives, studies, preferences in music, films and books. And the children were willing to tell. In these few minutes, a special connection was established between us: they became quiet, their gaze became deep, in their eyes I guessed gratitude and some kind of touching tenderness. It seemed to me that at these moments, in addition to external, physical contact, spiritual contact was also established between us, for which they thanked me with their special views. I realized that these little people vitally lack attention, participation, and sincere emotional communication. And they preferred all the games and toys to them. And, perhaps, it was not so much for the beautiful drawings that the children fell in love with our face painting sessions, but for the opportunity to feel interesting and needed by someone.

Another incident got me thinking. When I found out about the start of the war in Donbass, I wrote to a former friend who was staying there. She offered to help and invited her to visit her to wait out the period of shelling. But my friend didn’t come and refused my help, although she thanked me. For a long time, a feeling of frustration remained in my soul: I wanted to help, but nothing came of it. My help turned out to be unnecessary. True, the connection with my friend has improved.

Once, after two or three years, during one of our correspondence, a friend said that she still remembered my offer of help with tears of gratitude. Then, when she found herself alone with her misfortune, forgotten by everyone and useless to anyone (after all, according to her, even relatives from neighboring countries stopped answering for fear that they would have to help), an unexpected letter from a distant, almost forgotten friend had an impact strong support. It turned her upside down peace of mind. For a man alone in his misfortune, this proposal became a ray of light that illuminated life - difficult, dangerous, terrible life! There was no real help, in the usual sense, on my part, but those few words that I wrote in right moment, did a great job! They helped a person survive scary time without losing hope, faith in people, with gratitude in the heart!..

As a child, I remembered a phrase I heard somewhere: if you want to help, help with action. Everything else doesn't seem to be considered help. But life convinces me that kind word, and a sympathetic look and an encouraging smile can be equally important in certain cases. Even the simple fact of sincere compassion is also real help to someone, because in this way we share someone else’s pain and make someone else’s burden lighter. And sometimes, by showing interest in a person’s personality or life, we help him feel better, more confident, more significant.

I don't expect great things anymore. Now I know that any good impulse coming from a pure heart is real help. You just need to open it – your heart – towards people. This is the biggest and most important thing we can do for them...

Participant of the international creative competition"Real Help"

I work as an accountant, but I really like to read (mostly classics) and write myself. I'm learning English and spanish languages. I dream of visiting Spain. I'm interested in psychology. I really love nature, growing vegetables and flowers in the country. I love animals without exception. And, of course, I like to help. Little and old, four-legged and feathered - all defenseless, offended, sick and lonely.

My motto in life is kindness will save the world!

You can also take part in the competition, we are waiting for your stories by email: This address Email protected from spam bots. You must have JavaScript enabled to view it.

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The servant came out and addressed Vidura, “O Kshatri, enter into inner chambers wise king. The king said that he will never stop wanting to see you.”

A comment:

Sage Vidura continues to bring light to relationships and today's lesson is that compassion comes first before any help. People have always needed, need and will need other people, not money, material things, etc.

Sympathy or help?

When you notice that a person needs help, this does not mean that you need to immediately reach into your wallet for donations or use your connections. The first thing you should do is sympathize with the person; perhaps this is the most valuable thing you can do in the current situation. Sympathy means that you are not indifferent and if you are approached, you are ready to help to the best of your ability.

If a person immediately rushes to help without showing sympathy and participation, this smacks of a cheap payoff for unexpected emotions. Now the Internet and public institutions are filled with various charities in the “I got sick” style a little boy, help as much as you can!” “The girl doesn’t have enough for the operation, let’s all chip in together!” etc. I believe that such charity kills all compassion in people and I will explain why.

Compassion means that you see and feel the emotions and experiences of a person and sympathize with him live. When you see a pitiful photograph, you cannot experience sympathy and compassion in principle, because in front of you there is neither this child nor his parents, nor doctors, nor anyone at all. A worker is standing in front of you public organization, which has nothing to do with what happened. Why then do people donate and participate in this kind of charity?

Because they are afraid that they will have to go to this baby in the hospital, communicate with his parents and doctors. Therefore, in order not to come into contact with discomfort, people pay off these emotions and experiences, apparently unnecessary and unwanted in their lives. Indeed, compassion is destiny strong people, and the weak simply shake out the money of a cunning charitable organization from their wallets.

Who is stopping these good Samaritans from finding out the address of people who need help and going to visit them, chat with them, provide your vest for their tears, give the same money, but directly into the hands of the person in need. In 90% of cases, people’s answer is obvious, “There is no time,” “It’s easier for me to do it this way,” “Leave me alone with your questions.” People donate thousands to anonymous charity boxes and don't know the name of their retired neighbor or can't communicate decently with their parents. In my opinion, this is total madness and hypocrisy.

So what is more important: sympathy or help? The answer is: sympathy comes first. If you showed sympathy, you have already helped and will help even more in the future. But if you just help, then this is a payoff not to show sympathy and compassion. Be strong and sincere to yourself. If you have the strength and desire to help people, be compassionate and help personally, because people care about you, not your means, they need your support.

Vidura's Power

When the servant came to Vidura, Vidura could simply dictate a letter: “Everything will be fine, dear king! Don't drift!” and calmly stay at home and drink herbal tea. But Vidura could not show such indifference to a dear person. He immediately left the house and went to the king, who would inevitably lose his position in a matter of hours, in order to show sympathy and help with wise advice.

Vidura could not have responded to the king’s request at all, because the king had many other advisers and assistants, but he still found the strength and courage to meet the king and hear his emotions.

When a person periodically pays off to feel the pain of other people, over time the psyche of such a person becomes depleted and atrophies. Such a person turns into a dead man who walks, breathes, but is completely unable to live a full life.

Clearly assess your strengths and abilities in relationships. If you are ready to understand the suffering of others, do it, and if not, do not deceive yourself and others. Just accumulate opportunities and over time the strength to communicate will appear. To be helpful, you must be sensitive to people's needs.