How to develop self-confidence and increase self-esteem. Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, are afraid of criticism and do not know how to accept compliments. The habitual role of the victim does not allow us to perceive life in all its colors and boldly look into the future. We learn not to give in to manipulation.

As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities in comparison with other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed in preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - parents. It primarily depends on them whether the baby will have adequate self-esteem, high or low. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them or whether he will constantly doubt his abilities and come to terms with the stigma of a loser - all this depends on the level of his self-esteem.

It is not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe that they have the right to control others, strive to be the center of attention and show aggression if someone disagrees with them. “You are the best,” they were told in childhood. “You are a queen!” Dad repeated to a girl he knew. He believed that by feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe it. But for some reason those around her did not want to play the role of her subjects, and there were fewer and fewer people who wanted to be friends with her.

Life is not easy for those whose... For some reason that is understandable to them, parents humiliate the child, showing their power over him, break him, making him obedient, and ultimately turn him into an infantile, weak-willed creature on which everyone wipes their feet.

“It’s terrible what you’ve done, you can’t be entrusted with anything!”, “You’re just ruining everything - better leave”, “Look at Anya, she’s a girl like a girl, and you’re disheveled and a slob”, “Now you’ll get it from me, it’s such an infection ! - criticism, threats, comparison with other children, unwillingness to take into account the child’s opinion and see him as an individual, talking to him in a commanding tone reduces his self-respect and self-esteem. His own life attitudes have not yet been formed, and he considers his parents’ beliefs to be an immutable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and children at an early age are very suggestible.

If mom and dad call a child a fool and a nonentity, then that is exactly how he will perceive himself. As the proverb says: “Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and on the hundred and first he will grunt.” Others will perceive him the same way.

Another test for a child's self-esteem is adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and takes criticism painfully. If you repeat to him that nothing good will come of him and that his only choice is to go to prison or to jail, then you shouldn’t be surprised that this will happen.

Ultimately, people with low self-esteem justify all the nicknames and epithets that were awarded to them in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even entering the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I’m not worthy,” they explain their loss.

Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life because they “know their place.” However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her and does not look at anyone else. And even if she does look, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to measure up. And so he is forgiven a lot - pettiness, rudeness, and sloppiness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.

A woman with low self-esteem is treated negatively not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.

It is especially easy for them to instill in them a feeling of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.

What are they like - women with low self-esteem?

Many women have no idea that all their depression and failures are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, the unfavorable circumstances are to blame for what prevented them from becoming happy, successful and loved. “You can’t escape fate!” they resign themselves, instead of working on personal attitudes with the help of which they can change their attitude towards themselves - to love themselves. Are we not worthy of this love? “I’m alone at home,” says psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book with the same title. If we want to be understood, valued and loved by others, we must learn to understand, value and love ourselves.

Do these women remind us of anyone? They:

1. Trouble-free

But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people’s requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, they get angry and irritated. But they are unable to say “no”: suddenly the person asking will be offended or think badly of them, but someone else’s opinion is very important to them, and it must certainly be positive;

2. They take criticism painfully.

Women with adequate self-esteem also adequately perceive criticism: they accept it or not, without falling into hysterics. If you tell a woman with low self-esteem that she is wrong, it will almost become a tragedy for her. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints at her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want to please everyone and be good to everyone;

3. Overly critical of your appearance

They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their appearance, so they strive not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don't like their figure, their face, their body, their hair - nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-criticism, obviously subconsciously expecting that those around them will begin to dissuade them, assure them otherwise and give compliments;

4. They don’t know how to accept compliments.

They love them, but they don’t know how to accept them. It is possible that in response to praise that she looks great today, a woman with low self-esteem will fuss and say something like: “Yes, I washed my hair today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so it doesn’t show who I am.” became a cow";

5. Feel like a victim

Their vulnerable psyche reacts painfully to every sidelong glance and crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people; it seems to them that others are only thinking about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating when they fail: “Well, not with my happiness”;

6. Giving up their own desires

They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live by other people's desires. Have you been waiting for the day off to take a walk in the park with your husband? But he said: “We’re going to the dacha to clean the garden, weed the vegetable garden.” Tired and want to take a break? “What a vacation! Look, my old mother is working, and you’re lying down?!” “Tomorrow my friends will come to visit. Do not want? Can't be. Let’s run to the kitchen, to the stove!”

They do not know how to refuse, because this means disappointing others, not meeting their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;

7. Inability to make choices and take responsibility

They too often utter the words: “I can’t,” “I won’t succeed,” “I don’t have the right to decide this.” It is not surprising that making a decision is incredibly difficult for them, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval and receive a negative assessment. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you recommend? I will do as you say";

8. Unsatisfied with your surroundings

They often complain to colleagues and friends that their husband suppresses them, their mother-in-law finds fault with them, and their relatives do not appreciate them. At home they cry that the boss does not take their point of view into account, and that the employees offend them. Psychologists say that subconsciously women with low self-esteem themselves attract people who do not value them, and thus further strengthen the opinion that they are worthless losers.

We increase our self-esteem

Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on other people's opinions, can correct their character. It's not difficult - you just need to want to change.

1. Minimize or stop communicating with people around whom self-esteem decreases

We doubt, constantly seek advice, show uncertainty, show how someone's remark hurts us, constantly make excuses and easily take the blame upon ourselves - and in the end we become such a whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously. and which is not usually taken into account. People easily figure out someone they can treat condescendingly, condescendingly, and begin to manipulate him.

To a large extent, we are to blame for the current situation: they say that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must “show our teeth” - of course, not with the help of hysterics. We control our reactions, not giving any reason to consider us a spineless mumble.

Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our “toothlessness” towards ourselves is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but it is possible. However, if those around us stubbornly continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we have no need for such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.

2. Love yourself

Nowadays a lot is said and written about the need to love yourself. Loving yourself does not mean not giving a damn about others and carrying yourself, your beloved, like a sack. This means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and the world, respecting yourself and not engaging in self-flagellation and self-criticism.

Louise Hay, a famous American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, suggests going to the mirror in the morning and looking at your reflection and saying: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy?” At first, this phrase will be hindered by some internal protest, but soon it will sound natural and free.

As Louise Hay writes, “I’m not trying to fix the problem. I am correcting my thoughts. And then the problem corrects itself.”

3. Set ourselves positive attitudes

We do this with the help of visualizations. The above phrase by Louise Hay about self-love is one of the possible affirmations. Some people complain that affirmations don't work for them. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.

Louise Hay compares affirmations to a grain or seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we don’t expect to get fruit tomorrow, do we? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and keep us focused on the goal, but for them to work, we must take real steps.

4. Meditate

For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transport ourselves to some wonderful place where we once were and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then let’s imagine a wandering wizard who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion, you may not know something or be wrong. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility whenever you wish. You have the right to decide for yourself what and when to do. You have the right to be who you are! You came into this world, on this planet for your own sake!”

The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we take a breath, open our eyes and return to reality.

5. We don’t save on ourselves

Remarque wrote that “A woman who saves on herself evokes in a man the only desire - to save on her.”

Nothing raises a woman's self-esteem more than the confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are satisfied with an unpretentious and undemanding wife, around whom they can relax without fear that she will leave or be taken away.)

A gym, swimming pool, beauty salon, SPA salon, etc. are not only about external beauty, but also about health, and above all mental health.

A fluttering gait, a proudly raised head, a chiseled posture, eyes radiating confidence and charisma: these qualities are inherent in women who have been able to become self-confident and increase their self-esteem.

To become a successful person, to have many fans and friends, it is important to work on yourself and constantly strive for better. And for this it is necessary to cultivate in oneself the qualities of absolute confidence and firm convictions.

What influences self-esteem in a woman’s life?

According to psychologists, problems with self-esteem can affect all areas of a woman’s life:

success in the professional field;
communication with friends, colleagues and relatives;
well-being of family life;
physical and psychological health.

How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem? Advice from a psychologist will help

Statistics show that women are more susceptible to low self-esteem than men. The interesting thing is that almost every woman knows whether she has problems in this matter or not.

Self-attitude test

Psychological tests help to accurately determine whether a person has problems with self-esteem.

If it turns out that self-esteem is underestimated, then it is necessary to carry out work to improve the personality.

The test presented below will give an accurate determination of the level of attitude towards oneself. You must answer all questions honestly and immediately count your points. At the end of the test, all points are summed up. The resulting figure will show what level the survey participant belongs to.

Test: Determining the level of self-esteem

Do you often think that you shouldn’t have done or said something?

Yes, often – 1 point;
No, not often – 3 points.

When communicating with a witty and excellent interlocutor, you:

Do everything to surpass him in wit - 5 points;
You won’t want to take part in such a competition, thereby showing the superiority of your interlocutor -1 point.

Which opinion suits you best?

No luck, anything can be achieved only through hard work – 5 points;
Success comes only through a happy coincidence – 1 point;
In difficult situations, luck and perseverance will not help. Real help comes from a person who can console and encourage – 3 points.

How will you feel when you see your funny caricature?

You will laugh heartily, paying attention to the good similarity - 3 points;
You will be upset, but you won’t show it – 1 point;
Start joking at your interlocutor’s expense in response – 4 points.

Do you often do work alone that should be done by several people?

Yes – 1 point;
No – 5 points;
I don't know 3 points.

What perfume will you choose as a gift for your friend?

Those that you like - 5 points;
Those that you don’t like, but, in your opinion, your friend will like – 3 points;
Those that were recently seen in a commercial - 1 point.

Do you often imagine situations in which you behave in ways that you would never behave in real life?

Yes – 1 point;
No – 5 points;
I don't know 3 points.

Your young work colleague has achieved better results at work than you. Will this upset you?

Yes – 1 point;
No – 5 points;
Not very good – 3 points.

Do you enjoy disagreeing with someone?

Yes – 5 points;
No – 1 point;
I don’t know – points.

Close your eyes and try to imagine any of the colors. You submitted:

Light blue, blue, white – 1 point;
Green, yellow – 3 points;
Black, red – 5 points.

How to calculate test results

If the score is from 38 to 50, then your self-esteem is inflated. You are a confident and satisfied person. Both in social circles and in everyday life, you often emphasize your “I”, put your personal opinion above others and try to dominate your interlocutors. Criticizing others is common, but you don't care what they think about you. “I don’t love others, but I love myself.” The closer your number is to 50, the more this phrase suits you. High self-esteem prevents you from accepting criticism.
If the sum of points is from 24 to 37, then your self-esteem is adequate. You completely trust yourself, and your life is filled with agreement with yourself. You can always find a way out of difficult situations. You are usually happy with yourself and the people around you. You can always be a support for your loved ones and colleagues.
If the sum of points is from 10 to 23, then your self-esteem is low. You are not at all happy with yourself. Your intelligence, appearance, achievements, abilities, age and even gender provoke dissatisfaction and doubts in you. It is difficult for you to succeed at work and the opinions of others seriously affect your life.

Any woman, having realized that she belongs to the third group, must do everything to become self-confident. To increase self-esteem, you need to understand the reasons that led to this.

Causes of low self-esteem and ways to eliminate them

There are many reasons that will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Among the most common are the following:

improper upbringing in childhood;
frequent failures in childhood;
no specific goals in life;
unhealthy surrounding society;
various diseases and defects of appearance.

It is necessary to analyze each cause in more detail to find a way to eliminate it. Only by getting rid of them can you achieve results.

Improper upbringing in the family

The bulk of psychological deficiencies begin in early childhood. Poor self-esteem is no exception. It is caused by excessively high demands from parents, reproaches, criticism, lack of affection and praise. If a child gets used to such an attitude, then in the future he will behave as if he deserved it.

Frequent failures in childhood

If parents do not support their child in case of failure, then their child’s attitude towards themselves will only worsen. Excessive demands from the father and mother usually lead to the child beginning to evaluate himself according to adult criteria. This leads to loss of self-satisfaction and disappointment in oneself.

The attitude of peers, who tend to make outcasts out of losers, also plays a significant role in this issue. This contributes to a loss of self-confidence and negatively affects self-esteem.

Lack of goals in life

In the absence of clear and realistic goals, both a child and an adult can become a person with a negative attitude towards themselves. If a person stops setting goals for himself, his life loses color. These people usually do not want to pay attention to their appearance, do not want to change anything, stop dreaming and, as a result, the level of self-esteem decreases.

Unhealthy social environment

Social circle plays a significant role in the formation of self-esteem in both adults and children. A healthy attitude towards oneself is formed where there is a good example to follow. But if you have uninitiated friends who constantly complain about life, criticize others and do not want to change anything in their lives, self-esteem will only worsen.

In such cases, it is necessary to radically change your social circle and get closer to people who strive for success, try to make their dreams come true, know how to overcome difficulties and constantly improve themselves.

Defects in appearance and health

In the case of defects in appearance and certain health problems, many children develop poor self-esteem. Such a child usually feels different from those around him. Often the situation is aggravated by the merciless ridicule and bullying of peers.

In such cases, eliminating these shortcomings will help improve self-esteem. If this is not possible, it is necessary to develop qualities in yourself that will help you become a self-confident, more developed and attractive person to others.

Methods for increasing self-esteem and self-confidence

The following are methods that will help every woman become more confident and increase her level of self-esteem. This work may take only a few months - this is the statement of psychologists. The main thing is to have the desire and desire for results.

Yes, a woman needs confidence that she deserves the best - self-esteem, love and respect from others, personal growth, success in life. It is important to develop this confidence in yourself, and there are proven methods for this. Take action!

Stop criticizing yourself

There are no perfect people, and you are no exception. But you can’t constantly criticize yourself for your shortcomings. Self-criticism is a useful quality, but within reasonable limits.

To overcome a negative attitude towards yourself, psychologists advise making a detailed list of your strengths and periodically re-reading it. Stop criticizing yourself, learn to praise yourself. A self-confident person is distinguished not by the absence of shortcomings, but by the ability not to pay attention to them.

Learn to accept praise

The ability to accept praise is a mandatory quality of a confident woman. Excessive modesty is just as harmful as its lack. A compliment received with dignity and gratitude is pleasant for both parties.

Stop making excuses

There will definitely be someone who doesn't like something in your life. There are two possible scenarios here. If you are wrong—for example, your boss is dissatisfied with a poor-quality project—don’t look for excuses. Admit and correct the mistake. The ability to admit that you are wrong is a sign of a strong person who is capable of taking responsibility for his actions.

But you don't have to try to please everyone around you. For example, if someone doesn't like the way you dress, you don't have to make excuses. It's your life, and only you can decide whose opinion matters to you.

Learn to ask for help

The ability to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. A weak person does not ask for help because of fear of refusal, fear of being in debt, false shame and other fears. A confident woman is not afraid to ask, calmly endures refusal and thanks for help with a sincere smile.

Start small - ask to hold the door, bring a heavy bag, explain some nuance. Even if you hear “no,” it’s not a disaster, but a new experience that will make you stronger. Don't be shy to ask for help. And help yourself.

Bring your work to completion

You cannot succeed if you give up after the first difficulties. Unfinished business and unrealized plans significantly reduce self-esteem. Successfully overcoming difficulties is a great way to improve it.

A few rules that will help with this:

think about your motivation. Morning exercises – a slim figure, a completed project – a bonus received, etc.;
don't try to do everything at once. For example, learn a new language for 20 minutes, but every day. The main thing is to start taking action;
find like-minded people. Or an example to follow;
Don’t forget to praise yourself – even for small successes.

Learn to love your body

In modern society, appearance plays a significant role. But you don't have to have a flawless body to be successful in life. There are plenty of examples on the Internet of successful, charismatic people whose appearance is far from perfect.

Accept and love yourself - you are unique. A state of harmony will give you confidence - and this will definitely affect the attitude of others.

Lead a healthy lifestyle, play sports

A healthy lifestyle and regular exercise are essential for women deciding how to become confident and increase self-esteem. It has been scientifically proven that physical activity stimulates the production of dopamine, the “happy hormone.” A healthy lifestyle and sports improve the quality of life, improve health, improve appearance, and have a positive effect on the state of the nervous system.

Take care of your appearance

A self-confident woman is distinguished by her well-groomed appearance. She loves herself and takes care of herself. Going to a beauty salon is an excellent remedy for depression. Get an elegant haircut and update your wardrobe. Consider it an investment in your successful future.

Communicate with optimists and successful people

If there are people around you who live by inertia, then they will ridicule all your ambitions. Limit such contacts to a minimum.

Look for successful, active and inspired people, like-minded people. Where? In the gym, at exhibitions, seminars, trainings, online. Purposeful, confident, strong people will serve as excellent motivation for personal growth.

Learn to leave your “comfort zone”

The “comfort zone” is a place that is not so much convenient as it is familiar. For example, the usual nightly watching of TV series on the sofa at home. The “comfort zone” is stuffy and cramped, but familiar and safe.

Break the comfortable stereotype. Start small - return home by an unusual route. Instead of lying on the couch, go to the pool, go to the theater, sign up for courses. New sensations, knowledge, acquaintances are a powerful incentive for building self-confidence.

Read positive literature

When you decide to make your life more positive, protect it from negative experiences as much as possible. Don't read news full of negativity. Yes, and serious, but too realistic literature should be avoided.

Nowadays it’s quite possible to treat yourself to “fairy tales for adults” - novels with a good ending, humorous detective stories, etc. It will be very useful to read specialized literature on developing self-esteem.

Find your dream job

Changing jobs is a very serious step, which can only be taken after preparation. First, give yourself a break—say, a week of vacation. And only by shedding the accumulated negativity can you make a decision. Maybe you like the work, but the team is not very close-knit? Or did your relationship with your superiors not work out? Then submit your resume and look for the same vacancy, but in different conditions.

What if you realized that you are doing the wrong thing? Again, take your time. Decide what you like and start taking action. Attend courses, study literature, meet experts. And life will definitely give you a chance.

Live by desires

Do you want to hang glider? Look for information, specialists - and it’s quite possible to spend your next vacation in the sky.

Don't be jealous of other people's successes

You shouldn't compare your life to someone else's. The glossy life that is so easy to observe on social networks can turn out to be a beautiful package hiding a bunch of problems. Other people's success should not frighten or cause envy, but inspire and teach. Don’t compare yourself with someone, compare yourself – yesterday and today.

Give up laziness

Water does not flow under a lying stone - this saying is still relevant today. A confident woman will not allow laziness to ruin her life. If you want to achieve something, take action. There are many ways to deal with laziness: break things down into component parts, accompany work with music, come up with rewards, etc. Choose your method and implement it.

To understand how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem, you should take the help of professional psychologists. Special methods, trainings, and exercises have been developed to solve these problems.

Use your positive qualities

Make a list of your positive qualities and analyze them. Realize the enormous potential you have. Think about how you can use these qualities in your daily life. Work on their development.

Listen to affirmations

Affirmations are a brief formulation of your desires as a fact that has come true. This is an effective form of self-hypnosis, programming the subconscious, carried out through concentrated repeated repetition of verbal phrases.

Affirmations should be formulated very carefully, putting in them the quintessence of your desires, so that their repetition forms the desired attitude.

They can be repeated or listened to in a recording. Examples of wording: “I am confident,” “I love and am loved,” “I am talented and successful.”

Diary of successes and achievements

An effective tool is a diary. Every day you need to record all your achievements, regardless of their scale. Keeping such records and their subsequent analysis is a good incentive for a woman, helping to become self-confident and increase self-esteem.

Practical exercises

Meditation

You should meditate in a calm environment, without external stimuli. Find a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Now, with each exhalation, get rid of negative impressions.

Visualize negativity and imagine how it dissolves, giving way to calmness and optimism. Having a positive attitude, imagine yourself as you would like to see. Take your time and carefully draw the image.

Movements, intonation, facial expressions, posture - work out every detail. Try to convey love and support to the created image.

This exercise takes 10-15 minutes. You can do it in the morning or evening, without haste. Regular meditation will gradually consolidate this ideal in the mind, transferring its features to a real image.

Autotraining

Auto-training can be effectively used to calm down in a stressful situation, tune in to solving a difficult task, and gain self-confidence. To do this, the appropriate affirmations are spoken out loud or silently.

For maximum effectiveness, auto-training is best done in a calm environment, completely relaxed, saying affirmations out loud for 10-15 minutes. But this technique can also help in work environments: even in crowded places, you can calm down by simply closing your eyes and repeating affirmations to yourself several times.

Psychological trainings

They are aimed at adapting to society, or rather, at developing immunity to public opinion. Of course, the opinions of others must be taken into account, but it should not completely subordinate your personality.

This requires inner strength, self-confidence, and self-worth. Here are three simple trainings:

Learn not to be afraid of the public and even manage it. And to do this, do not hesitate to speak in front of a large audience. Use every opportunity: a song with a guitar by the fire, an anecdote in a company, a report at work, a presentation of a product to customers. Gradually, you will get rid of your complexes, feel confident, and learn to command an audience - an excellent quality for career growth.
"Double". This requires imagination. If you don’t feel comfortable in public, and you can’t overcome this complex, imagine yourself in the role of your favorite “star”, for whom communication is an everyday reality. Conduct yourself with the same relaxed freedom. Maybe not right away, but it will happen. And over time, you won’t even need a double.
Confidence no matter what. Props are required for this training. Add an absurd detail to your look (old-fashioned glasses, curlers, a provocative jacket) and go outside. Go shopping, communicate, walk with an absolutely calm look. This is a powerful tool, so start with small details.

10 books that will tell you how to increase self-esteem

Books can tell you how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.

Louise Hay "Heal Your Life";
Larisa Parfentyeva “100 ways to change your life”;
Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
Dale Carnegie "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living";
Dale Carnegie, How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public;
Vladimir Levi “The Art of Being Yourself”;
Sergey Mamontov “Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity";
Rafael Santandreu “How not to turn your life into a nightmare”;
Sharon Wegshida-Cruz "How Much Are You Worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself."

Movies for motivation and self-confidence

Cinema has repeatedly addressed the theme of a strong woman.

“The Devil Wears Prada”, USA 2006;
“Eat, Pray, Love”, USA 2010;
“Another Boleyn Girl”, UK 2008;
“The Barber of Siberia”, Russia, Italy 1998;
“Moscow does not believe in tears,” USSR 1979.

How to become confident in communicating with a man?

A confident woman attracts men. She knows how to communicate, not being afraid to express her point of view, which makes her an interesting interlocutor. Like all strong people, she knows how to give in, without considering it a sign of weakness. She knows how to emphasize her strengths, and leaves her shortcomings in the shadows. She knows how, if necessary, to insist on her own, but at the same time she will be able not to offend her partner.

A confident woman always knows her worth. She will not tolerate unacceptable behavior from a man, and will be able to say this delicately but firmly. She will not grumble about anything, but will clearly formulate her dissatisfaction while remaining polite. Even in a difficult situation, she will be able to remain calm.

Perhaps not everything is working out as planned yet. Don't despair, develop confidence in your abilities, and everything will definitely work out!

How to gain confidence after a separation or divorce?

This is a difficult period even for strong women. The following will help you survive it with minimal losses:

close people. It is advisable that during this period they are nearby, able to listen and support;
hobby. It will help you get distracted;
new impressions. Take a walk, go to exhibitions, to the cinema - new impressions will gradually displace the bitterness of the past;
trips. It's great if there is such an opportunity. The sharper the change of scenery, the better.

Breaking up with a man is not a reason to be disappointed in yourself. Your life goes on.

How to become a confident mother?

The birth of a child changes life dramatically and forever. What can I recommend:

do not lose calm and confidence despite your lack of experience. You will very quickly learn how to care for your baby, your experience will grow with your child, and soon you will be able to give advice yourself;
gratefully accept the advice and help of the older generation, but the final word in the education process remains with you;
don't forget about yourself. Involve your husband and other loved ones and find time for yourself - go to the hairdresser, take a bath, get some sleep;
value communication with your child. Rejoice at his smiles, first teeth and steps, and discover this wonderful world with him.

The life of a modern woman is varied and eventful. To become self-confident and achieve success, it is enough to believe in yourself, in your strengths, and start acting.

The successes achieved will increase your self-esteem, strengthen your self-confidence - and inspire you to new achievements. After all, you really deserve it!

Video about how to change your life for the better, become more confident and successful

Advice from psychologists: How to become more confident in yourself:

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem:

How to become more attractive:

and gaining self-confidence

It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this post we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem. The article will be of interest to a wide range of readers, as it contains wise advice that will benefit every person. The methods listed below will also help you gain self-confidence and make your life more positive and harmonious.

Why is self-esteem low?

Because we live in a selfish society, where everyone, striving to be better than the other (or at least to look like that - in the eyes of other people or in their own), tends to “put down” others.

A person lowers the self-esteem of another only because he himself has low self-esteem - and he tries to compensate for this by suppressing others, using all kinds of available methods, direct or indirect. People with normal self-esteem will not make others “lower” or “worse”; they understand that we are all different and each is unique in our own way, and each has its own place and role in life. The idea of "I'm better than someone else" is a sign of being overblown and ignorant, nothing more.

How to properly evaluate yourself?

Before we look at how to increase self-esteem, a few words should be said about proper self-esteem in general. To properly evaluate yourself, you need to put aside your emotions and look at the situation sensibly, connecting. And it happens that a person, having read “clever” articles about increasing self-esteem using various methods of self-hypnosis, begins to imagine himself almost as God, which, naturally, from the outside looks funny at best, and at worst creates even more pressure for the person. problems.

Evaluate yourself wisely. Do not think that you can deceive life with self-hypnosis: the trick may work, but in the end everything will be balanced - everyone will get what they deserve. Losers are those people who in a past life tore themselves a fat piece of the pie, but they tore it from their own future, so now, when the future has become the present, they are left with nothing. People say it right: for every clever nut there is a clever bolt.

Therefore, the best way to increase self-esteem, a reliable and reliable means, is to work on yourself: , by improving in one activity or another and doing good deeds, a person really evaluates himself higher than when he says and does all sorts of stupid things, and therefore receives more according to his deserts. The conclusion is simple: you need to be a good person and do more good, then problems with self-esteem will not arise. The idea that life can be deceived is completely delusional, and it is better to abandon it immediately.

The methods listed below are nuggets of wisdom collected on the Internet.

How to increase self-esteem: 20 ways

1. Refuse any destructive criticism and self-criticism. Destructive criticism is a negative assessment of a person, actions or events, which implies an attempt to impose one’s point of view on the world. Imposition is violence, and life does not like violence, so do not waste your energy on something that will turn against you. If you cannot live without criticism, change it from destructive to constructive, helping to improve the situation.

2. Give up negative thoughts, stop terrorizing yourself with destructive attitudes. Thoughts create our future - what we constantly think about is what we attract. We think about the bad - we attract the bad, we think about the good - we attract the good. Feeding yourself and spreading it around is an effective way to boost your self-esteem.

3. Stop blaming yourself and making excuses. If you did something wrong and you are blamed for it, just admit it as a fact. Why unnecessary emotions and excuses? Yes, I’m guilty, yes, I’ll correct myself. Don't drive yourself into a feeling of guilt and don't look for excuses - it's all in the past. Be in the present and think creatively and positively about the future - this is the most optimal way of thinking for a person.

4. Communicate more with positive and confident people who are not trying to put pressure on you or make you “lower”. Choose or rearrange your social circle, as your self-esteem and self-confidence directly depend on it. They say, “Whoever you mess with, that’s how you’ll gain.” On our website you can- just for communication, or friendship, or maybe something more.

5. Engage in activities you love that bring true joy or satisfaction. If this is not about your work, then you need to find a hobby that will give you the feeling that life is not being lived in vain. By doing something you truly enjoy doing, you gain self-confidence and perhaps even meaning in life, which greatly improves your self-esteem. You can take a free purpose test to understand what activities will bring you success and true happiness, and start doing them. When a person knows his purpose and does what he loves, he lives happily, using his abilities and talents, and he simply does not have problems with self-esteem.

6. Be patient with yourself. By changing ourselves and introducing a new positive model of behavior into our lives, we want immediate reward for our actions, but we should take into account that in the material world the effect is separated from the cause by some amount of time, and reward does not always come immediately.

7. Plan your future. Set realistic (quite achievable) goals for yourself, write down real steps to achieve them and regularly implement them - this is an effective way to achieve success and gain self-confidence. Don’t put it off until tomorrow and don’t let your mind think about more than is really necessary, since the mind tends to think a lot of unnecessary things, doubt and find excuses, “why not do this.” If the mind (and in women, intuition) says “it is necessary” and “it is better this way,” then it is necessary, and exactly that way.

8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others. If we have regrets, it means we agree that the person cannot cope with the problem, that life is unfair, and that next time I might be the victim. If you can help a person, help, but do not tune in to the negative wave of sympathy and pity, because you will make things worse for yourself and others. Trying to get pity and sympathy (instead of real help) is a manifestation of a subconscious desire “for others to be no better off than me.”

9. Accept the gifts of fate with gratitude. Very often people think that blind fate sends blessings to people like me - unworthy. Fate never makes mistakes - there is simply a delay in time, and we cannot always track why this or that benefit came to us. When accepting the gifts of fate, continue to do good deeds, share positive things with others, and more and more good things will come back to you. This way of interacting with the world is the most reasonable.

10. Don't be overconfident: “Alone in the field is not a warrior.” Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom. The weak are embarrassed and lose, and the strong, when they feel that they need support, ask for support, because they themselves never refuse help if it is within their power and does not contradict common sense. We can solve the problems that life puts before us, but no one says that we need to do it alone. On the contrary, interaction with the world around us is the key to success. Find your support - and you will become many times stronger, gain self-confidence and learn to trust the world around you.

11. Love your shortcomings and troubles. Any difficulties and problems make us stronger if we overcome them rather than resist them. Resistance to a situation only strengthens it, because we do not try to accept it, but push it away. Consequently, there is no solution, and the situation can be corrected only by accepting it. Coping with problems and situations that arise will greatly improve your self-esteem.

12. Take care of your body, because these are not clothes that you can change at will at any time. Keep your body clean, treat and prevent diseases. A sick person is always weaker than a healthy one. Why create unnecessary difficulties for yourself? Eliminate them as soon as you find them, without putting them off until later.

13. Bring everything to completion, since unfinished tasks reduce self-esteem and self-confidence, reminding us of defeat and weakness. Never quit something halfway - then you will have nothing to reproach yourself with. This is a great way to gradually increase your self-confidence.

14. Don't get hung up on possessions. Any thing that belongs to you can suddenly disappear or break. And the more expensive she was, the harder her loss, and the more this loss will weaken you. Also, the people whom we are trying to appropriate for ourselves can leave us at any moment, but the dependence remains. Ultimately, and in our use it is only temporary, do not forget about it. So be for what you have, but don't get attached to these temporary things.

15. Stop showing your importance and pretending that you are better than others. If you don't live up to the image you present, others will put you in your place and you will look funny. In addition, with such behavior you will attract someone who wants to compare with you what they usually measure against, and you can lose shamefully, which will in no way contribute to increasing self-esteem.

16. Overcome your fears. Fears are the biggest destroyer of your self-confidence. Try more often to do things that you were afraid to do, but do without nonsense, unnecessary heroism and unjustified risks. It may turn out that overcoming fears is the best way to achieve.

17. Help people, benefit society and set others on a positive wave. This will give you self-confidence; and when you realize that you are benefiting people, you will no longer consider yourself a failure.

18. Act decisively and purposefully, without looking back or worrying about past failures. Concentrate on the goal and boldly go towards it; and when you achieve it, there will no longer be a need to raise your self-esteem.

19. Explore wisdom while trying to penetrate life's most important mysteries(“Who am I?”, “What am I doing here?”, “How does this all work?”) and get answers to these questions. As one grows spiritually, complexes, self-doubt and other problems of material existence disappear.

20. Love yourself now and always. You are a unique person, with a unique set of qualities and abilities, you are an integral part of life, you have a unique role and place in life. God created you this way; If he wanted you differently, he would have made you different. The Creator accepts you exactly as you are at every moment of time, so there is no point in not accepting and loving yourself. Understanding this greatly improves self-esteem, doesn't it? Therefore, never expect that bright moment to come when you deserve your own love, otherwise this moment will simply never come.

Of course, there are other ways to increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence, and they can also be successfully applied in your life. Materials on the esoteric site will help you with this, for example, an article and other similar materials (links to which are given at the bottom of the page, under the article).

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Instructions

The first advice to those who are thinking about increasing self-esteem and confidence: take time for yourself, plan for the future. If it always seems like the whole world is against you, you should listen to yourself. And before you make peace with the world, you have to make peace with yourself. Most often, low self-esteem is the result of ignoring one’s own desires and lack of clear goals. Instead - blurry Manila dreams, “I want a billion or a necklace like a movie actress.”

You need to find time for yourself personally. Calmly think about what is really worth (and possible) to achieve. What doesn’t suit you in the first place, what to get rid of. Then you will understand how to do this. And then - planning, setting immediate and distant goals. And specific, small, but systematic steps towards the goal.

Big goals are unattainable when a person is depressed. As the first, small goals, we can recommend the formation and consolidation of useful habits. To regain self-confidence and increase self-esteem, you need to pay attention to organizing your own life. Healthy sleep, daily routine, five-minute (but daily) exercise, rational nutrition - these are tools for more effective human functioning. Trivial, at first glance, advice can significantly improve your well-being, you will have the strength to achieve your goals, and time for personal growth.

It is unlikely that increasing self-esteem, personal growth, and self-improvement are possible without intellectual development. Read books in your specialty, preferably translated ones. Try to develop your hobby; in the new century, this hobby can become a second profession. Read classic literature, memoirs of worthy people who are an authority for you.

A great way to disconnect from constant negativity and self-digging is active recreation. It doesn't have to be mountaineering or cross-country skiing. The main thing is that your vacation is varied and new. This will allow you to change the situation and familiar surroundings. For example: an interesting culinary master class, an author's tour of your hometown, an exhibition of alternative art, or a visit to the opera (especially if the theater was not in honor before). All master class participants and all exhibition visitors are on equal terms. This will allow you to take your mind off the constant comparison of yourself with other people and take a big step towards increasing your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Self-criticism is destructive and will not help improve self-esteem. You can't constantly scold yourself. The energy needed for practical actions is consumed. If a dissatisfied voice habitually sounds in your head, you urgently need to calm down the internal censor. We close his mouth the same way we close a faucet to prevent water from flowing out.

Use meditative practices. Analyze your positive qualities in different areas: professional, family, emotional. Write them down on a small piece of paper and carry them with you. Skim this list often. In a difficult situation, mentally list your advantages, this will help you gain self-confidence.

To set yourself up for tomorrow’s speech (an important conversation, an interview), you can prepare a small individual mantra. Several affirmative phrases listing the best personal qualities and professional skills. Interesting motivational training to increase self-esteem and confidence can be found on the Internet.

Listen to yourself, analyze where the main flow of negativity towards you comes from. Perhaps this person himself is internally indecisive, which is why he spreads this emotion around himself. And further. Don't argue with fools. Their opinion hardly reflects reality. It is advisable to spend energy on one’s own development and achieving specific individual results.

It is worth understanding that raising self-esteem and self-confidence is not very difficult. Numerous trainings on the Internet will help you do this, many of them high-quality and free. But the most important thing is to stabilize self-esteem (so that it does not decrease at all). Here you will have to seek help only from professional psychologists.