Taming Anger. Anger is a feeling or emotion

Anger is usually viewed negatively. The world is divided into good and evil. People can be good and evil. Emotions manifest themselves in the form of kindness and anger. The reasons that anger is classified as a negative quality are the experiences that a person experiences. That is why you should know how to get rid of the destructive power of anger so that it does not harm a person.

However, on the psychological help website we will try to look at anger not only from the negative side. Much depends on the person and the quality of anger they feel. Anger can really be destructive. It harms not only the evil person himself, but also those with whom he is angry. However, like any quality, it can be translated into a good force that will benefit a person.

In the pursuit of happiness, people often say that experiencing negative emotions and thinking negative thoughts is very harmful. Happiness in the understanding of many people is perceived as a kind of existence in which they only smile, rejoice and have fun. But just as a person cannot always be cheerful without constant sleep, so good emotions cannot be experienced without periodically replacing them with unpleasant experiences.

The law “Without good you will not know evil” does not apply here. The principle applies here: after letting off steam over what is unpleasant and offensive, you can calm down and get back to working on your happiness. While you are internally angry, offended, dissatisfied, you don’t think about any happiness. A person sincerely experiences negative emotions, so it becomes quite natural for him to only dream of happiness while experiencing unpleasant thoughts. But as soon as a person calms down, his mood normalizes, then happiness becomes a goal towards which he begins to move.

A dream means only imagining what you want without taking any action to achieve it. A goal is an intention towards which a person goes by performing specific actions.

While you are angry and trying to overcome your own emotions, you are busy dreaming of happiness. It seems that by overcoming resentment and aggression, you will be able to find happiness. This is a misconception. Having overcome your negative emotions, you can simply calm down. But luckily we still have to come. This happens when you are not fighting negative emotions, but are calm and implementing a plan to achieve happiness.

To get rid of bad things, you need to experience them. To find good, you need to create it, create it. It is impossible to create another while running away from one thing. Therefore, be angry and offended in order to be happy.

What is anger?

But let's return to the usual understanding of anger. What it is? Anger is a destructive emotion that eats a person from the inside. It arises due to dissatisfaction with some state of affairs, failure to perform actions, inappropriate behavior of others, etc. In other words, anger is dissatisfaction with an accomplished event.

The reason for its appearance is pain, disappointment, resentment, frustration. Anger is a natural human reaction that is noted in response to some event or phenomenon that occurred in the outside world.

All people have varying degrees of anger. Moreover, there are people who accumulate anger and only then explode, and there are those who immediately show their emotions. No matter how much people want it, anger is inherent in absolutely everyone. However, its more violent manifestations can be found among children. Why is that? Are children really angrier than adults? The answer here is simple: adults have already learned to hide their anger, not demonstrate it, or express it in more acceptable forms. Children still express anger in its pure form, that is, as it is.

The degree of anger often depends on how irritated the person is. It is measured on a scale ranging from mild irritation to rage. This is often influenced by how much pain a person has accumulated in himself before the outburst of emotions.

In every problematic situation, a person must learn his lesson. Thus, evil turns into good. And a person suffers from his troubles not because they happened to him, but because he interprets them incorrectly.

Every person would like only those events to happen in his life that he interprets in a positive way. But life does not obey human desires. It obeys only the laws of cause and effect. And in fact, nothing bad or good happens to a person. It all depends on how a person interprets the situations that happen to him.

Everything that pleases you, you perceive as good. Everything else that does not fit into your plans is interpreted as evil. But in reality, situations are not good or bad. In every situation, there is one important lesson that a person must learn - the reasons why this situation occurred.

Pleasant situations do not teach people because they think that good luck happened to them. Unpleasant situations also do not teach people, because they try to brush them off, run away, and ignore them. But in every situation, no matter how good or bad it may be, there is an important lesson - the reasons that provoked its occurrence. If each person analyzes the reasons for which success or trouble happened to him, then he will be able to make sure that only pleasant situations happen to him in the future.

Evil is often feared and not accepted. But this is just a misunderstood good. A person makes evil what he would not like to have, see, or encounter. But evil as such does not exist (as well as good). Only the person himself, through his attitude to what is happening, makes something evil or good.

Reasons for anger

To get rid of destructive anger, you need to know the reasons for its appearance. Why does a person want to get rid of evil qualities? Because they force him to do things that harm others. And what from this? And the fact that a situation arises when society can reject an evil person. The fear of rejection forces people to look for different ways to overcome their own anger, which is necessarily aimed at causing harm.

Scientists identify the following causes of anger:

Headache.
Increased blood pressure.
Skin diseases.
Digestive problems.
Various diseases that deprive a person of fully moving and living.
Tendency to criminal behavior.
Physical or mental stress that is exhausting.
Accumulation of discontent or resentment.

Hidden anger

Adults, unlike children, try to hide their negative experiences because they are afraid to commit actions that will prompt others to turn away from them. It is better to worry silently than to express it violently, which will certainly lead to loneliness and misunderstanding. An adult knows what hidden anger is.

It is based on depression and stress, which sometimes accumulate over years. Since a person tries not to express his anger in public, this emotion is directed towards himself. The psyche needs to find someone to blame for an unpleasant situation in order to direct all the energy of destruction towards him. If a person makes excuses for others, which is how he hides his anger, then he is angry with himself.

Often the consequence of hidden anger is suicide. This is how a person shows his anger. If an outburst of rage is not directed at other people, it means that it harms the person himself, pushing him to commit suicide.

Signs of hidden anger are:

Sadness.
Yearning.
Boredom.

Anger should not be confused with hatred - an emotion that manifests itself in the form of a hostile attitude towards someone or something. Anger is just a temporary reaction expressing dissatisfaction.

Anger and resentment

Sometimes anger and resentment are integral feelings. In human relationships, there are often cases when one of the parties is not satisfied with something. Here you have to choose: get angry, hide the aggression, or suppress it.

The causes of resentment are:

The futility of expectations.
Conflict situation.
Slanders and unfounded reviews.
Lack of praise for effort or work.
Difference of opinions.

Often people use resentment as a way to manipulate others. If they are offended, it means they are right, while those around them become guilty, which means they must correct the situation.

Why is it impossible to reach an agreement when the interlocutors understand that they have different opinions on the same issue? Why do people resort to shouting and insults when they cannot convince each other? These forms of communication are familiar to everyone. They manifest themselves not only in love relationships, but also in family, friendly, and business relationships. Wherever people cannot find a unanimous decision, a scandal arises. But why does this happen?

The interlocutors experience anger, aggression, resentment or other negative emotions that block them from the desire to hear the other’s opinion and find a compromise solution. Some people consider their point of view to be the only correct one and, when they hear an opinion that contradicts their idea, they immediately perceive it with hostility. People want people to agree with them, because this will once again confirm to them that they are right and think rationally. And any contradictory opinion is perceived negatively only because it seems to say: “No, you’re thinking wrong. It could still be different.” And this is where negative emotions come into play.

Anger and resentment force you to confront your interlocutor. You no longer listen in order to agree on something, but in order to say something opposite and unpleasant in response. “Turn off” resentment and anger at your interlocutor during a conversation so that you want to hear his point of view and try to come to an agreement.

Anger and resentment are confrontation with the interlocutor. You no longer want to listen to what the other person thinks. You are simply trying to offend him, harm him, throw him off balance. And here it doesn’t matter what you say anymore. It just may turn out that the interlocutor will listen and will no longer communicate with you. But this was not part of your plans. And it turns out that you “dug a hole” for yourself with your own words under the influence of negative emotions. Therefore, get rid of anger and resentment in order to communicate with the person, rather than argue with him.

Woman's anger

Anger is often a quality of women. All this is explained by psychologists by the fact that women face troubles in the family, stress at work, and conflict situations with strangers. If a woman cannot withstand emotional stress, then she breaks down at the first opportunity. A reinforcing factor that helps anger develop is a hormonal imbalance.

Psychologists advise women to first pay attention to their health. Strict diets provoke dissatisfaction in the form of an inability to eat well and enjoy life. Hormonal imbalance affects a woman’s mood. If this is the reason, then it is necessary to change your lifestyle in order to bring your hormones into balance and make yourself physically happy.

Other directions in eliminating anger in a woman are meditation, relaxation exercises, as well as communication with girlfriends, shopping and consultations with a psychologist. It would be ideal if a woman can minimize the stresses she encounters in life. Here you need to talk frankly and agree with your loved ones so that they help not create. Otherwise, a woman should have many girlfriends or consult a psychologist in order to be able to speak out.

How to get rid of anger?

No one can help a person get rid of anger except himself. It is necessary to show a sincere desire to become more restrained and calm in order to help eradicate negative emotions. The following recommendations will help with this:

Agree with people, don't conflict. The more you fight, the angrier you get.
Understand the causes of conflict situations in order to eliminate them or anticipate the emergence of further problems.
At the moment of increasing anger, adjust yourself to the right mood:

Start breathing calmly and relaxed.
Treat the situation with humor.
Connect with people who can understand and support you.
Don't think of yourself as bad just because you're angry. Remember that anger is a natural reaction of any person.
Release your anger in acceptable ways. Hit dishes, pillows, pears and other objects, destroy and break them - this will allow you to throw out rather than accumulate anger.

Talk about your anger. The most constructive way is to speak out. Find people who can listen to you, support you and even help you solve the problem.

Bottom line

Anger, like poison, is beneficial in moderate doses and when used correctly. But often people misperceive their evil emotions, and therefore do not know how to transform them into qualities that are useful for themselves, which lead to a positive outcome.

Either get rid of anger or learn to manage it. Only in this case it will not harm you and create conflict situations and problems.

The time has come to deal once and for all with this devourer of our energy, blocker of happiness, poisoner of our entire lives. To understand in detail. And finish it. I think we all deserve peace and prosperity. And if so, let's look him in the eyes, thank him for his lessons and let him go in peace. Let's say goodbye to our anger.

What happens in the body when we are angry
At rest, all systems of the human body function as planned. When external irritation appears, the body mobilizes slightly, turns on its internal resources and brings everything within normal limits. But when danger arises, real or imaginary, psychological and physical resources are mobilized: increased heart rate, adrenaline rush, and a rush of blood to the face. If the anger is not relieved or stopped at this moment, the person may escalate into a psychological or physical fight.

Anger is the most energy-intensive human emotion. Its energy is contained in internal experiences, external manifestations and energy losses. In a person with low energy, anger is more like irritation. The stronger the energy, the stronger the anger, which can develop into attacks of rage. It's like a volcano erupting.
In anger, our psychoenergy changes: vital energy is lost; if attacks of anger become frequent, the body wears out faster, its normal functioning is disrupted, and the person “burns out.”

Physiology also changes: biochemical reactions change, blood flow changes, hormonal balance changes, the heart rate accelerates, nerve cells die under stress.

Frequent attacks of anger, on the one hand, aggravate the sensitivity of the ego, on the other hand, deplete a person’s internal energy, provoke the development of chronic depression and periods of apathy. The release of energy due to irritation is much greater than the return of supposedly positive emotions from psychological satisfaction. Often an angry person gets stuck between the devastation of depression and the activity of irritation, oscillating between them like on a swing.

After the depletion of internal energy and the “ebb” of emotions, a psychosomatic effect on the body occurs: dental problems, heartburn, migraines, hypertension appear, and gastrointestinal and gallbladder disorders develop.

What happens to energy channels when we are angry

Depending on the object and cause of anger, the place, or chakra, in the area of which the right channel, pingala, swells, changes. Increasing in size, it compresses the central channel, sushumna, and does not allow prana to move freely through it.

No joy. Usually the strongest compression is located in the area of anahata, the heart chakra, and that is why we lose the ability to rejoice: we become gloomy, irritable, always dissatisfied.

Stagnation of prana leads to its loss, and we become weaker. In addition, this feeling of loss takes over our thoughts. We constantly want something elusive, something seems to elude us, we are always chasing mirages, unable to grasp a specific image, formulate a specific desire - we LOSE OURSELVES.

Physical illnesses equivalent to the psychological state of anger
(irritation, criticism, dissatisfaction, envy...)
Arthritis
Alzheimer's disease
Warts
Bursitis
Vaginitis
Varicose veins
All inflammations, purulent (rage)
Hyperthyroidism
Depression
Dysmenorrhea
Carpal tunnel syndrome
Furunculosis
Candidiasis
Keratitis, conjunctivitis
Urinary tract infections
Obesity
Pancreatitis
Minor wounds and injuries, animal and insect bites (anger directed at self)
Cellulite
This is not a complete list.

Even if symptoms of a physical illness have not yet appeared, it is safe to say that an angry person ALREADY is ill. It is for this reason that medical treatment is always delayed. The symptoms shown indicate that anger has already taken root in the mind. And also that the actions that caused our illnesses have become a very persistent habit. It is very difficult to break this circle.

Mechanism of anger

Unfulfilled expectations in the actions and words of other people. We have a plan that we like. As part of this plan, we have outlined all the actions of its participants. And suddenly one of them allows himself completely different actions or words, a different reaction or assessment, different from our plan. This doesn’t suit us, and we get excited.
The same is true with the physical body. His reaction to food, water, air, sound, cold, viruses or the words of other people does not coincide with our plan. The body allows itself to behave differently than we like.

The same reasons, the same seeds germinate simultaneously on both the physical and mental planes.

Cause of anger

Imprints in the mind, which are based on a false idea of the nature of the world and things. We perceive the world as existing separately from us, and it comes from our consciousness. Our physical body, those around us, and their actions come from our own consciousness.

How to overcome anger

Cultivate (train) correct perception in yourself. Remember the seeds.

Meditate.

Cultivate opposite imprints within yourself. Compassion, understanding, trust in the process of life and living beings.

Anger regulation is the process of learning the signals that indicate you're becoming angry and taking actions that can calm you down, help you cope with the situation, and help you think more positively. This does not mean that you need to suppress anger or keep it inside. Feeling angry is a completely normal and natural emotion if you don't know other ways to react to the event. Well, the science of anger regulation can help you manage your reactions differently.

Here no one will convince you to hide or suppress anger, demonstrate other emotions instead, switch to something more positive, or ignore this feeling. This is the science of how to perceive everything that happens to us differently. Many people have attacks of anger that are completely uncontrollable, which can lead to very disastrous results. What happens if, say, you suddenly lash out at your boss? Unjustly yell at your child or spouse? If you restrain yourself every time you want to show violent discontent, it will accumulate until one fine day it bursts out in multiple volumes.

5 Anger Management Techniques That Will Help You Keep the Peace

This science will be useful to everyone, because sooner or later each of us experiences anger. You may want to improve the atmosphere that accompanies you personally every day by learning to cope with emotions, control them and react differently to external stimuli.

Let's study together!

1. Analyze the consequences

Focus not on what made you angry in the first place, but on what consequences the outburst of anger will entail. Are you upset by your child's behavior? Find a way to clearly explain this fact to him. Do friends or family members say things that make you feel angry? Calm down and have a constructive dialogue, set clear boundaries of what is permitted.

Remember that uncontrolled anger can have more serious consequences. In fact, the consequences are almost always much more devastating. Take a deep breath, remember self-discipline and look for a more rational solution.

2. Forgive and (maybe) forget.

The ability to forgive is very rare these days. By allowing anger and aggression to be present in us every day, we become more unhappy and worsen our own perception of life. Everything around you begins to seem hostile and pessimistic.

If you can forgive someone for making you angry, do it without hesitation. For you, this will be a good indicator that no one can shake your inner harmony; for others, it will be a reason to respect you as a person who is able to react adequately and remain calm and cool in any situation. These qualities, for example, are extremely valued in any job.

By understanding that many of the things we take offense at are actually insignificant little things, we can learn to forgive and forget. Let go, take care of yourself and your mental health on your own.

3. Improve your listening and hearing skills

The ability to listen is extremely important for anyone who is in constant contact with other people. When we know how to listen carefully, remember and not interrupt the interlocutor, this helps build trust and respect for you, people love when they are given the opportunity to speak.

By demonstrating to others that you can listen, you show that you:

1) are not indifferent to what is happening;

2) the thoughts and emotions of your interlocutor matter to you;

3) you have at least basic empathy skills.

Sometimes the person who lashed out at you, provoking your anger in response, just needed to be listened to.

4. Practice relaxation techniques

The American Psychological Association considers the technique of taking deep breaths and visualizing calming landscapes to be the most effective. Here are some tips for doing it:

You need to breathe deeply with your diaphragm. Breathing coming from the chest will not relax.
Repeat to yourself: “I’m calm,” “I’m not angry,” “everything is fine.” Such self-hypnosis helps the brain reprogram reactions to positive ones.
Bring to mind images that are personally calming to you. It could be a view of the ocean at sunset or a winter night landscape from the window - whatever you like.
Stress-relieving practices like yoga, tai chi, or meditation can help you relax your muscles and let go of all negative thoughts.

5. Cognitive restructuring

One of the most effective methods. This refers to the moment when you consciously change your thoughts by understanding what motivated the people who angered you or what caused the events that triggered your angry outbursts. For example, you ran into your favorite coffee shop before work to drink a cup of aromatic cappuccino. But suddenly a visitor in front of you in line begins to complain about poor quality service, becoming more and more agitated. In another situation, you would start to get angry, realizing that the sunny morning mood has disappeared without a trace, that this cappuccino will no longer please you and that, most likely, the scandal will drag on for a long time and you will be late for work. However, look at the situation from the other side: as a rule, only deeply unhappy people start making scandals for any reason. No matter what happens in this visitor's life, there is absolutely no use in being angry with him. The maximum that you can do is to sympathize with him in your soul and smile when he passes by: what if you manage to cheer him up at least a little?

Learning to deal with anger will bring a lot of good into your life. You will feel more cheerful yourself and will wean yourself from getting irritated with or without others. We advise you to practice applying all these methods in practice. Good luck, and may peace become the basis of your life!