Family constellations according to Hellinger: what kind of method is it. What are constellations according to Bert Hellinger?

Alina Farkash presents a new column, the heroines of which anonymously (and therefore frankly) tell how they managed to solve their personal problems with the help of psychologists and psychological techniques.

• PROBLEM: CHILDREN'S RESULTS AGAINST MOM.
• METHOD: HELLINGER ARRANGEMENTS.
• HOW MANY SESSIONS: ONE.
• COST: 3,500 RUB.

You know, everyone always thought that I had an ideal mother... She is beautiful, cheerful and modern. My friends always ran to her for advice and to talk about life. But I never told her anything. I am, in general, a quiet phlegmatic, and the only person in the world who can drive me into hysterics and slamming doors in ten seconds is my mother.

How we couldn't talk

My prosperous mother beat me throughout my childhood. I was a homely girl, whose happiness in life was to hide in a corner with a book, I studied well, never left anywhere without calling, until now (until I was 29 years old!) I have not tried either vodka or cigarettes... Why beat me?

I needed a reason. I pestered my mother with this “why?”, my mother shouted in response about my indifference and the fact that I never understood her. I screamed that I didn’t know how I could help her at three years old, when she first…

Despite everything, I love my mother. And she me too. But the resentment was stronger: the question “for what?” burned out my brain, I didn’t know what answer I wanted to get, and I continued to ask it with the tenacity of a maniac. Mom exploded with the same persistence. I went to psychologists, some called for forgiveness, others - to stop “soul-destroying communication with my mother,” but no one answered why the hell my mother beat me.

How everyone shed tears

I found myself in Hellinger constellations by accident. I read stories on blogs, saw an announcement that deputies were invited to the formations, and decided to take a look. Everything took place in the center of Moscow: a small room with sofas around the perimeter, ten people, a psychologist-presenter. The person for whom the arrangement was being done came to the center and talked about his problem. And the presenter offered to choose from those present deputies for the participants in the conflict. Sometimes these were real people, sometimes already in the process of arrangement the psychologist asked to add the hero’s dead grandmothers or unborn children to the action. Then everything was very strange: the newly appointed relatives walked around the room, quarreled, refused to communicate, blamed each other and tried to get closer again. The presenter gently guided the deputies, asked them questions, and asked them to describe their feelings. The one for whom the arrangement was done sat and shed tears: “Yes, yes, dad always talks to me like that!” Or: “How do you know that grandma’s brother died in prison?” And then everyone stood hugging each other and sobbed in unison. I looked and thought that everything was far-fetched. That people see what they want to see. And it is not clear how this can help.

How mom got a substitute

I don’t know why during a break I approached the presenter and asked her to do the arrangement for me. I was shaking to the point of nervous stuttering. I was scared to hear from the deputy what I was always afraid to hear from my mother. I noticed someone who could play her role a long time ago - a beautiful plump blonde with a gentle face. Amazing resemblance to the original!

Then miracles began: the little brunette, who was me, ran around the room and hid in a corner (how did she know?), “Mom” chased her and tried to hug her. “I know she likes to be alone, but I can’t help it, I really want to hug her!” - “Mom” explained, and I began to sweat from how similar everything was to my reality.

“You see,” said the presenter, “she really loves you, even too much. Yes, she violates your boundaries, but she doesn’t know any other way.” I already knew that she loved me: “Ask her why she beat me.” “Mom” began to tell how tired she was and how no one loved her - in frighteningly familiar expressions and intonations. The presenter asked the girl portraying me to sit down, and me to stand in her (in my!) place. More precisely, climb onto a chair and look at “mom” from above. “From this position, do you also want to ask her similar questions?” I felt embarrassed: “mom” seemed small and defenseless. But the desire to find an answer was stronger than the awkwardness. I was shaking, I repeated, as if wound up: “Why! You! Me! Bila! “Mom” screamed back at me. “I wanted it, and I beat it,” the presenter suddenly interrupted our hysteria. I choked mid-sentence. And she continued: “Tell her that you are her mother and that you know better how to treat your child. That you were in a bad mood or PMS... That’s none of her business.” “Mom” obediently repeated this to me. And at that moment I suddenly felt better. Then, when I thought about everything that happened, I realized that the presenter had relieved me of the burden of responsibility. It wasn't me who did something so bad that my loving and loving mother had to beat me while she was having PMS. Or she just wanted it that way. I have nothing to do with it. I was small and could not influence the situation in any way.

But at that moment I stood on a chair, looked stunned at “mom” and repeated: “Well, why did you want this?” She suddenly said: “I never wanted other children, only one like you. And you... You never let me get close to you.” And she added in a whisper: “I still want to hug you.” And suddenly a puzzle came together: my mother always said that she dreamed of a short, gray-eyed brunette, how she was afraid of giving birth to the “wrong” child, how happy she was when I turned out exactly as she had imagined. How I dreamed of a brother, but she refused to give birth to someone else: either we are undergoing renovations, then grandfather has a heart attack, then she needs to defend her dissertation∂, then we are saving for a car... I got off the chair and hugged my mother’s deputy. The stranger's blonde and I stood and cried. I raised my head: everyone was crying. It seems that this story was relevant not only for me.

How we went for a manicure

I was asked not to discuss anything with anyone for two months. I didn't discuss it. But on the way home, I dialed my mother’s number, and for the first time in many years we had a normal conversation. It was as if she had been bewitched - she never once accused me of indifference. And I didn’t remember her childhood insults. We even agreed to go for a manicure together! And they went. I don’t know if what I was told at that session is true; I even think that from the outside it seemed just as far-fetched and far-fetched as the other arrangements. But I got the answer to my question. And I felt better. And mom felt better: we actually love each other very much.

The psychological method of the German doctor Bert Hellinger has earned recognition from specialists in various fields: pedagogy, psychotherapy, sociology, marketing. The uniqueness lies in the simplicity of the method, the ability to find the root of problems in various areas of a person’s life, as well as determine ways to solve identified negative conditions and situations. Hellinger constellations have been successfully used for several decades. However, this method has not only admirers, but also opponents who believe that the system causes harm to program participants.

What are system arrangements

The teaching is an effective practice that was introduced in 1925 by the German philosopher and psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. Systemic constellations are the ability to feel and “scan” the energy and information field of a problem situation. Hellinger's method is based on people's innate ability to feel. Its proof is our feelings after chance meetings with people. Some awaken exclusively positive emotions in us; after communicating with others, we want to take a shower and wash away the negativity and irritation.

Hellinger constellations involve working with a group of people. Each participant must use the natural ability to “feel” people and the problem situation that was given by the leader. As a rule, people easily read information about difficulties in different areas of life from the main participant (the person whose problem is being worked on).

Each of us is a complementary part of a single system. People are connected by ancestral programs, family relationships, religion, national traditions, friendships, business partnerships. We influence and depend on each other, we seek mutual understanding and love, but among a huge number of people we often feel lonely. This sense of self is dictated by a state of isolation: a person extols suffering and pain, his own exclusivity.

Hellinger's installation serves as a simple method to help people realize the commonality of their problems. With the help of constellations, program participants can get rid of many far-fetched problems and mental beliefs, revealing their root causes. As a rule, they are destructive family programs and unfinished problematic situations in the family that have a negative impact on a person’s fate. With the help of Hellinger's constellations it is possible to reveal the root causes:

• diseases (drug addiction, alcoholism, genetic diseases);
• difficulties in family relationships, in relationships with the opposite sex;
• various phobias, depression, panic attacks;
• childlessness (if there is no infertility);
• business problems;
• unfulfillment in life.

What are the types of constellations using Bert Hellinger's method?

Psychological consultation, based on any approach (classical or systemic), begins with identifying the client’s problem. At this stage, the specialist determines which placement method is best to use. Hellinger's system involves several main types: family, structural, organizational, client and spiritual constellations. What are their features and differences?

Family

This type of arrangement involves working with family problems. Family constellations according to B. Hellinger include the elaboration of intrapersonal conflicts and generic messages that negatively affect a person’s life. Experts are convinced that the difficulties of many clients are explained by traumas that were suffered within the boundaries of the family system in the past. Problems are often associated with a failure of the hierarchy order or the “take-and-give” principle (parents’ desire to take from children, children’s awareness of their superiority over their parents, and the like).

Bert Hellinger believed that family trauma is the main cause of any health, personal or material problems. The psychotherapist is convinced that the root of any problem is the desire to cross out (forget) the participants in the family trauma - both the perpetrators and the victims. This desire to exclude what happened from memory becomes the “causative agent” of various problematic situations and incorrect mental programs in subsequent generations of the family. The Hellinger constellation method helps to find the hidden causes of the client’s unhealthy state and get rid of them.

Structural

This type of Hellinger arrangement helps to improve areas of life such as work, finances, illness, and get rid of fears. The method is extremely effective if it is impossible to logically justify the reason for the repetition of the same problem. Structural arrangements help to bring the underlying causes of problematic situations to the level of consciousness. The program involves the transformation of a person - this allows him to independently change at a deep level.

Organizational

Designed to solve problems among members of work teams. Special areas of application of the program are working with business consultants, script writers, and scientists. Organizational constellations using the Hellinger method involve “playing out” roles, main character traits, and specific stories. The purpose of the method is to unite the team to increase team productivity or resolve internal conflicts. The priority of organizational arrangements is the employees themselves and their community.

Client

Constellations using the Hellinger method are aimed at people whose professions involve helping others (doctors, social workers, psychologists, teachers). This type of program helps to consider the relationship between helpers and recipients of help. Through client constellations, it is possible to see how effective this support is, what motives drive the helper and, if desired, adjust them.

Spiritual

The teaching positions the spirit as something that stimulates development. This Hellinger constellation identifies the therapist and participants as tools for the manifestation of the spirit. The technique somewhat contradicts therapeutic constellations, where the main role is assigned to the therapist looking for a solution to the client’s problem. The system does not use the concepts of “problem” and “solution”. Spiritual constellations view the situation through the free movement of consciousness.

Laws of order of love

The family constellation method is based on two main concepts - conscience and order. The psychotherapist in personal philosophy relies on the aspect of conscience, which acts as an analyzer and “organ of balance” of a person. The system will work well only if the conscience is calm - then there is internal confidence that family life has worked out. Anxiety means that a person can no longer belong to the system. This concept is a detector of the degree of internal balance.

Hellinger divides conscience into unconscious and conscious. If an individual acts in accordance with the latter, he violates the rules of the unconscious. Thus, the conscious conscience gives us excuses, and the unconscious makes us feel guilty. The psychotherapist says that conflict between them often causes problems in the family. The relationship between husband and wife in such a conflict will be destroyed even in the presence of strong love.

Many people believe that established family routines can change under their influence or that they can be easily defeated with some effort. However, love is not capable of giving order, since the latter serves as a fundamental principle, and love is only a component of order. Thus, love is formed exclusively within any order, and it is impossible to change it through one’s own efforts.

How is system placement carried out?

Group therapy involves working with each participant, which can last from 30 to 90 minutes. The duration of the system arrangement is determined depending on the number of requests. The person whose problem is being worked through determines who from the group will play the roles of members of his family. For example, a woman who has a problematic situation with her husband chooses participants to play the role of herself and her husband. The client, under the guidance of her own ideas and feelings, according to the instructions of the psychotherapist, arranges the participants around the room.

During the program, amazing things happen: “deputies” (aka participants) experience first-hand the feelings and emotions of the family members whose roles they perform. Thus, strangers are immersed in a situation so deeply that they can clearly express the situations happening to someone. Thanks to this effect, there is no need to talk a lot about the events that took place in the client’s family.

What is the danger of the method

Every profession is associated with danger to some extent. For example, an unprofessional driver can hit a pedestrian, an inexperienced lawyer will deprive a person of his freedom, and an unqualified doctor will allow the disease to kill the patient. Due to the lack of experience or low qualifications of the psychologist, the client may lose personal integrity or mental health. In the hands of an unprofessional, even psychological work will be dangerous.

The benefits of the arrangement method are directly related to the professionalism of the presenter. Only an experienced specialist will determine which version of the system is best suited for use for a particular individual, and which may cause harm or be useless. With the help of constellations according to the Hellinger method, participants come into contact with the personalities of other people, getting used to the roles. The guidance of a psychotherapist makes the process safer for the “actor”, who will leave the given role without negative consequences.

Features of teaching the technique

The school of constellations will be of interest to beginning or practicing psychologists, family doctors, psychotherapists, social workers, teachers and anyone who works with people. The main teaching methods used in the program include theoretical and practical parts. The first involves studying the basics of arrangement, reading philosophical notes, and considering the methodological and morphogenetic prerequisites of the system. The practical part contains analysis of specific situations and work using the family constellation method.

During the training course, students become familiar with the psychological and philosophical teachings of the constellation method. Students learn about the basic premises of the system, such as positive conditions for the development of healthy family or work relationships. The training examines how love relationships are made or broken. Course participants can study their own problem situations through the prism of Hellinger's constellations and see methods for solving them.

Video about systemic arrangements according to Hellinger

Modern psychotherapists are convinced that the method is most valuable in practice, not theory. However, in order to achieve the best results from group work on constellations, you need to understand what the basic concepts and principles of the system are. With the help of the video below, you will gain basic knowledge and understanding of the Hellinger psychological method.

Hellinger constellations are a psychotherapeutic method of the 21st century aimed at changing the deep processes of the collective unconscious of the family and clan, which creates family, psychological, health and career problems for a person. Currently, this method is widely recognized by the world psychotherapeutic community; it is used in group therapy and individual counseling.

The constellation method is systemic, that is, it works with problems of a complex, recurring nature (family, tribal, organizational) and short-term - the method is characterized by an extremely small number of meetings with a psychologist and large intervals between them. Solution-oriented means that the focus of the psychologist's work is finding a solution, rather than analyzing the problem itself.

The arrangement method owes its appearance to Bert Hellinger, a German professor, former priest and missionary, and psychotherapist. Summarizing his multifaceted experience in philosophy, theology, pedagogy, various areas of psychotherapy, information theory and systems theory, he was able to identify patterns that lead to tragic conflicts between family members. On this basis, he developed his own method of therapy, which is becoming increasingly popular throughout the world.

“Constellations” (also used as “system constellations” or “family constellations”) is the author’s term translated from German (familien-stellen - family constellation). It most accurately reflects the essence of what happens during work in this method: people (deputies) are placed in the “working space of the group,” intuitively determining for each their place in the family and clan system. This is where the arrangement begins. The figures placed by the client reflect his subconscious image of the problematic situation with which he works in the process of arrangement.

How the formations work

A group of people gathers, which can include both people who want to solve their problem (“customers” of the constellation), and people who want to get acquainted with the method and participate in “other people’s” constellations (“deputies”). The client gives a request for an arrangement or voices a problematic situation that he would like to solve with the help of an arrangement. Usually a request is 2 - 3 phrases that reflect the essence of the problem and the result that you would like to receive as a result of the arrangement.

For example, if the client has complex, conflict-ridden relationships in the family, then the request for constellation may sound like this: “I have constant conflicts with my husband, we are on the verge of divorce. I would like to save my family."

The constellator, guided by knowledge of the “orders of love” formulated by Hellinger within the family as a system (about the “orders of love”, see below), selects “substitutes” from the group to play the roles of the main participants or elements of the problem situation for the constellation.

The participants in the arrangement are looking for their place in space and, based on their movements, the leader can judge the processes occurring in the client’s family system. Substitutes reflect the movements of the soul, feelings, emotions and thoughts that occur in the client’s family system and transmit them to the constellation. The task of the deputies is to be very attentive to the feelings and sensations that begin to appear (this is one of the phenomena of systemic interaction), and to move in accordance with this inner feeling.

Deputies move, transmit information to each other about feelings and sensations within the system. Thus, the internal image of the problem situation becomes obvious to the participants, and most importantly, to the person who ordered the arrangement.

The method of family system constellations also allows you to solve the client’s problem confidentially, without disclosing details. The task of the leader of the constellation, with minimal interference in the client’s ecology, is to identify dynamics indicating violations of the laws of functioning of the family system and find a way to restore the broken order.

This allows you to launch a process of rapid and extremely powerful changes that lead to the best solution, both for the client of the constellation and for the entire family system as a whole.

The mechanism of arrangement is based on the phenomenon that people unconsciously take on the role of another person about whom they have no information, but in this role they are able to perceive and feel the same way as those real characters whom they replace.

This phenomenon is called “substitute perception” by arrangers, and the people chosen for certain roles are called “substitutes”. Deputies, voicing their states and experiences, allow the psychologist to restore the course of events in family history and gradually, step by step, unravel the tangle of family relationships, return harmony to the family system and find for each of its members the most suitable place where he will be happy and calm. And also to return the excluded kind to the archetypal system, build the correct hierarchy, deal with the balance... The work is carried out by adding, moving and changing the behavior of substitutes in the “arrangement field”, various psychological techniques and interactions are used. An indicator of the correctness of the decision for a given family system is the comfortable state of all participants in the arrangement (even feelings, absence of discomfort in the body), clear signs of sustainable physical and mental relief in the client, which are then preserved in his life along with the result of the arrangement. It is quite difficult to describe how the arrangement works to a person who has not seen it. The work is carried out at different levels of client perception (visual, tactile, auditory, mental, emotional). What is common in all arrangements: the client living a new experience in a safe space. A person receives new information about his situation from the point of view of the system, lives this situation in a new way, with acquired and returned resources, thereby acquiring a new model of happy behavior and a new, harmonious perception.

The best way to understand how a constellation works is to take part in it as a substitute. Your own feelings will tell you much more than any, the most detailed story about it. You will be able to get an idea of ​​how family ties and laws work, what destroys relationships and what allows them to last, how Love is archetypally manifested in family members.

Bert Hellinger has very precise words: “The main thing in the arrangement is what is essential, what is a turning point, what is effective, what turns our ideas upside down - this is not a theory, this is not a utopia, this is not an ideology, but observations and positive experience, collected in different contexts."

Professor Hellinger is asked: “Why did you put it that way? Why are you telling the deputy to say that? Where did you get this from? He says: “I have seen 100 cases, and in 100 cases it was like this. I have no reason not to trust my eyes, my experience and the experience of people who were sincere.” He emphasizes again and again that the basis of constellation methodology is observations collected in different contexts, generalized and tested by his many years of psychotherapeutic practice with hundreds and thousands of people and couples.

The arrangements are a very complex and beautiful mosaic. A mosaic of relationships, feelings, intentions and actions in their name. In part, it is similar to a hologram or a frosty pattern on glass, where each part complements the harmony of the whole and is part of it.

The main goal of the arrangement is to restore the integrity and harmony of family systems and the life of an individual.

Bert Hellinger is not only the creator of the family constellation method, whose popularity is rapidly growing throughout the world, but also an interesting thinker. Here are just three examples.

1. If a person causes the death of another person, the deceased enters his family, becomes a member of his family.

2. If someone was excluded from the family, then the children “look” at such excluded people and, as it were, replace them - this explains many oddities in the behavior of children.

3. Conscience has nothing to do with good and evil, but with our belonging to the family. Our conscience hurts when we feel we have lost our right to belong. The brightness and unusualness of his ideas captivates, regardless of whether we agree with them or argue.

Long-term conflicts between relatives, family problems... Sometimes we pay the debts of our ancestors without knowing it. The arrangement shows the structure of relationships in the family, makes the invisible visible and allows you to find a solution.

“We lived with my husband for 26 years. Our son is now 19, our daughter is 25, and our granddaughter is six. And all these years I have been worried about the lack of mutual understanding with my children. Even when they were very young, they acted in accordance with their ideas about what was right and what was wrong. Their frame of reference did not match mine. And now the children have grown up, and it has become even harder. The son stated that he never wanted to study as an economist, left the university and mastered playing the guitar for two years. Then I abandoned this activity too. Now he’s just lying on the couch - looking for his way in life. And my daughter is building a career, lives with us, gave birth to a child and “pinned” it on my husband and me. She is absolutely sure that we should be grateful to her for such trust... It seems to me that for the last 25 years I have not been living the life I wanted. My family manipulates me, and I, in turn, do not bring them joy, only fatigue and irritation. We all - family and friends - are constantly “out of phase”. With the hope of finding out why this is happening, restoring mutual understanding between different generations of our family and finding a way out of my personal crisis, I met with psychotherapist Albina Loktionova. “Our family history influences us more than we think,” says Albina Loktionova. - Each of us is part of the family system (relationships with parents, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, grandparents, husbands and wives), and when it is disrupted (for example, relatives “forget” about one of the family members or stop communicate with him), then the balance in the relationship is disturbed. And this failure is involuntarily repeated by subsequent generations.” The psychotherapist invites me, using the family constellation method, to identify those “forgotten” episodes of family history that prevent my family members from living life to the fullest. After listening to me, Albina Loktionova summarizes: “The order of love has been violated in your family. Order means hierarchy, subordination. In this hierarchy, for example, parents are always placed above children, because they are the ones who created the family. There is no parental leadership in your family, the roles are confused. Let’s make an arrangement to sort out this “tangle” and understand how to return to the natural hierarchy of relationships.” Since my desire to go through family constellations was spontaneous and impetuous, and the group began work only after the vacation month itself - August, we worked together with a psychotherapist. And the substitutes for my family members were pieces of paper laid out on the floor with figures-symbols drawn on them - who is who. This work became an invaluable experience - painful and healing at the same time, when I had to be in the shoes of my household, let their feelings pass through me and understand hidden motives. I draw geometric shapes that represent me, my husband, daughter and son. Square, rectangle, circle, oval, and on each one I indicate the direction of view with a tick. I lay out the sheets of paper on the floor. “Look,” Albina Loktionova points to the arrangement that I got, “you, your husband and daughter are located too close. You feel cramped, you seem to be pushing, getting in each other’s way. And your son is separate from you and has his back turned to you. It seems that he is afraid to approach his family, as if he is too hot in your close circle, or there is simply no place for him in it. Or maybe the system itself, your family, excluded him?” I am completely perplexed - what is the psychotherapist talking about? And she continues: “Perhaps there was someone in your family history who is now undeservedly forgotten, and your son unconsciously identifies himself with this person?” Still not understanding what the therapist means, I begin to remember and talk about three episodes that our family tries to forget. My great-grandfather (my father’s grandfather), dispossessed during the years of collectivization and ended his days in Siberian exile. Even his daughter (my grandmother) never spoke about him, who, even 50 years later, believed that this family page could be disastrous for the careers of her children and grandchildren. The second episode is related to my mother's parents. They really wanted, but did not dare, to have a second child at a difficult time - the end of the thirties and the beginning of the war. And finally, I know that my mother, having become ill, was forced to have an abortion a year or two after I was born. It turned out that from generation to generation my family carries information about an unborn second child and an unjustly forgotten ancestor. “In my mind, these events were never connected with each other,” I admit to the psychotherapist. “Not only you, but also your son, have unconsciously accepted the dynamics of systemic intertwining and, in a sense, are now unconsciously compensating for the feeling of guilt towards the unborn second children in the family of your relatives or the “forgotten” great-great-grandfather. The distance at which your son is in relation to other family members - we clearly saw it during the family constellation - only confirms the fact: in your family there is no place for a second child, there is no model of communication and relationships with him that has been worked out over generations.” “But he takes care of his niece with tenderness and love, who has been growing up without a father since birth,” I ardently defend my son’s ability to have related feelings. “That’s how it should be,” Albina Loktionova answers, “after all, his niece, in a sense, is an unexpected child. And he unconsciously “rehabilitates” her birth, gives her a chance to live.”

What about my daughter? She is actively pursuing a career and does not want to get married or start her own family. And he only includes his daughter in his plans when he goes to visit and wants to show off his smart, beautiful and cheerful child. “Grandmother and grandfather, that is, me and my husband, are really involved in raising my granddaughter. And the daughter only controls us,” I ask a new topic for the development of the arrangement.

The psychotherapist invites me to stand on a chair, leaving a piece of paper with my daughter’s symbol on the floor, and imagine my mother - somewhere above me, high, at ceiling level. This exercise helps you feel your own place in the family system, where every older generation is located above the next. “Imagine that I am your daughter,” continues Albina Loktionova. - Get down from the chair, come up to me and say firmly: “Lena, I am big, and you are small. You are my daughter and I am your mother. You cannot command me, and I must not obey..."

I obediently repeat these words, but I clearly understand that such a conversation is hardly possible with my real daughter. “Your daughter is used to being in charge,” explains Albina Loktionova, “and in order to restore the correct family hierarchy, without which harmonious relationships in the family are impossible, it is necessary to return both the vertical and the horizontal: to establish contact with the daughter. Sit next to each other, talk about your feelings, or maybe just be silent... From such silent empathy, once-lost closeness with loved ones is often restored. The boundary that it is time for you to draw between yourself and your daughter should not become the “Great Wall of China.” On the contrary, precise distance will help you truly feel closeness and belonging to each other.”

But here my worries about my son and daughter converge at one point - a second child! After all, the daughter, a beautiful young woman, will probably get married and want to have a second child. And he will carry negative information about unborn second children in several generations of our family. “What if he, too, becomes a stranger among his relatives?” - I share my concerns with Albina Loktionova. “Your son is already “filling” this role in your family,” she explains. - But now, understanding the situation, you can change it. The problem is finally resolved when relatives take the right place in the family hierarchy and are ready to take responsibility for their actions. From now on, there is no need to be afraid of the return of the past.” In literally two hours of family constellations, I discovered hidden motives that determined relationships among my relatives for many years. “The founder of the family constellation method, Bert Hellinger, says that accepting the past makes us free,” Albina Loktionova concludes the meeting. - But true acceptance also means accepting all the consequences of many years of silence and hidden family secrets. And it’s really not easy to come to terms with the fact that in our family’s past there were losses and losses, mistakes and disappointments.” It is difficult to accept your past - to do this you need to reconsider many of your usual ideas and ideals. “We will have to clearly clarify the consequences - who won what and what price each member of the system paid for this past, and then determine the ratio of losses and gains,” the psychotherapist sums up. - If you can’t admit it, then you need to at least call the past the past. And it will stop clinging, and you will be able to let it go. Then we can move on."

Psychology is a very complex science that has many different approaches to the perception of a person, to his psyche, to what is happening in his head. There are those methods that are considered scientific, since their effectiveness has been confirmed by practice for many years. But new approaches are constantly appearing, and some of them complement the scientific component of psychology (naturally, over time, when they also undergo a kind of testing_. However, many methods remain unofficial - they are not recognized by the scientific community, but at the same time they remain relevant in narrow circles, one of the most striking examples is systemic constellations - a psychological approach, which, despite the fact that no one has recognized it for many decades, still remains relevant and is used by an impressive number of its supporters. What is this? method? How do system arrangements occur? This is what will be discussed in this article.

What is the essence of the method?

Systemic constellations are an unconventional approach in psychology, which is based on the fact that all human problems come from the family, or more precisely from the family system. Therefore, the essence of this method is to reproduce this system in a session in order to understand it and find the true cause of the problem. This reproduction occurs in reality and is called arrangement.

Systemic constellations have been practiced for quite some time, but have not yet received recognition from the scientific community. But people do not always turn to professionals - sometimes they are closer to what they want to believe in, and many people believe in this method. Perhaps the reason is that its creator is not only a psychologist, but also a theologian and spiritual teacher.

Founder of the movement

Since we are talking about who exactly founded this method, it is worth dwelling on this person. Systemic family constellations are the work of Bert Hellinger, a famous psychologist who was born in 1925 in Germany. He studied psychology for a long time, worked as a psychotherapist, however, as mentioned earlier, he was also a theologian. And in the eighties of the last century, Hellinger discovered and introduced the method discussed in this article. That is why it is often called “Hellinger Systemic Family Constellations.” This variation is primary and most in demand.

The roots of the method

The method of systemic constellations is an original branch of psychology, but it also has its own roots. Hellinger created this method based on several psychological movements that were relevant at that time. However, if we highlight the most important method that has had the greatest impact on system arrangements, it is Eric Berne's script analysis. The essence of this method is to analyze the life situations of each person (this psychologist also believed that all problems come from the family). He believed that each person has his own life scenario along which he moves. The script is formed in childhood under the influence of parents and the environment and can only be slightly adjusted in the future.

Hellinger acted precisely in accordance with this method, but at a certain point he realized that it had its drawbacks - as a result, he developed his own approach. Later it was called systemic constellations and is known to this day under that name. Bert Hellinger's systemic constellations are quite popular in narrow circles. It's time to figure out what exactly this approach is.

Problem situation

So, what does Systemic constellations mean - this is not just a psychological term, constellations actually take place, and this is how it happens. To begin with, there must be some kind of problematic situation of one of the participants in the psychological session. Strictly speaking, this situation represents an element of a certain system, most often a family one. This is what the group participating in the session will have to deal with. Bert Hellinger's method of systemic constellations involves the participation of all people, even those who are not familiar with the person whose problem is being considered or with anyone from his family system.

How does the arrangement take place?

The focus of the session is the client's story, his problematic situation. All participants in the session form a large circle, and the problem is presented in a plane in space between all people. Each element of the system is first represented in the imagination, and then its place in the real world is taken by a person called a deputy. During the session, he represents a specific member of the system - thus, the entire system is replenished, and everyone gets their role. This is exactly how the arrangement happens. At the same time, this is all done quietly, slowly and with concentration. Each participant concentrates on his feelings, trying to penetrate the essence of the person he is replacing in the session.

Vicarious perception

As mentioned earlier, deputies may not know either the client or his relatives, including the person they are replacing in the system. And the client doesn't tell the group anything about them, so people have to concentrate and try to figure out on their own what kind of affiliation they have. This is called vicarious perception - people must, without outside help, become the person they are replacing. Thus, the lack of information is compensated by precisely this phenomenon of vicarious perception, without which the process would simply be impossible. It is quite likely that this is what repels professional psychologists and psychiatrists from this method - there is a lot of uncertainty in it, which cannot be scientifically compensated for in order to allow calling the method of systemic constellations professional.

Source of information

The main source from which participants receive information about the problem, about the client and about the system as a whole is the so-called “field”. This is why people have to concentrate and work in silence - this is how they try to establish a connection with the field in order to obtain the necessary information about who they replace in the system, as well as what kind of “dynamics” their character has with the rest of the system participants. This is exactly how a systemic arrangement occurs - each participant turns into a deputy, gets used to his image, drawing information from the field, and then all participants try to reproduce the problem and solve it. A psychotherapist, called a constellation, guides this entire process, gives people the roles that best suit them, and also tries to help them solve the problem during the constellation process.

The main goal of this entire process is to accurately reproduce the situation so that the client can see it live, understand it and accept his problem. Only when he manages to do this is the session considered successful. Then it is believed that he no longer needs to reproduce a specific problem in the conditions of the constellation, since he was able to realize it and can now begin to solve it.

Conclusions

As people who practice this method report, it really helps - participants can look at their situation from a different perspective, try to assess what is happening impartially, without associating all actions with their family and friends, which prevents them from thinking rationally. And when a person sees a situation being performed in real life by strangers, he can understand that this is really his problem - and then he can begin to look for its solution. Often, the client is not only unable to solve his problem on his own, but even to see it - this is exactly what constellation is used for. The client looks at the situation with an outsider's eye and gets a chance to see the problem in general, and then recognize his own in it.

Bert Hellinger and his method

German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger born into a Catholic family on December 16, 1925 in Leimen (Baden, Germany). He became widely known thanks to a therapeutic method called systemic-family constellations. Numerous practicing professionals around the world continue to successfully apply and adapt the constellation method to a range of personal, organizational and political situations.

At the age of ten, Bert Hellinger left his home to attend school at a Catholic monastery. Bert was later ordained and sent to South Africa as a missionary, where he lived for 16 years. He was parish priest, teacher, and finally director of a large school for African students, with administrative responsibility for the entire area of ​​the diocese, which had 150 schools. Hellinger became fluent in the Zulu language, took part in their rituals, and began to understand their special way of looking at the world.

In the early 1960s, Bert Hellinger took part in a series of interracial ecumenical teachings in group dynamics conducted by Anglican clergy. The instructors worked with the direction of phenomenology - they dealt with the issue of identifying what is necessary from all the available diversity, without intention, fear and prejudice, relying only on what is clear. Their methods showed that it was possible to reconcile opposites through mutual respect. One day, one of the instructors asked the group: “What is more important to you, your ideals or people? Which of these would you sacrifice for another? For Hellinger this was not just a philosophical mystery - he keenly felt how the Nazi regime sacrificed human beings for the sake of ideals. “In a sense, this question changed my life. Since then, the main direction that has shaped my work has been a people orientation,” said Bert Hellinger.

After he left his job as a priest, he met his future first wife, Hertha. They married soon after his return to Germany. Bert Hellinger studied philosophy, theology and pedagogy.

In the early 1970s, Hellinger completed a classical training course in psychoanalysis at the Vienna Association for Psychoanalysis (Wiener Arbeitskreis für Tiefenpsychologie). He completed his training at the Munich Institute for the Training of Psychoanalysts (Münchner Arbeitsgemeinschaft für Psychoanalyse) and was accepted as a practicing member of their professional association.

In 1973 Bert traveled to the United States to continue his studies with Arthur Yanov in California. He studied group dynamics intensively, became a psychoanalyst, and introduced elements of primal therapy, transactional analysis, Ericksonian hypnosis, and NLP into his work.

By the 1980s, Burt had identified patterns that lead to tragic conflicts between family members. Based on his discoveries, he developed effective methods for overcoming family conflicts, which are becoming increasingly popular, going beyond the scope of family counseling.

Bert Hellinger's insightful vision and actions speak directly to the soul, releasing forces of an intensity rarely seen in psychotherapy. His ideas and discoveries about intergenerational interweavings open up a new dimension to therapeutic work with tragic family histories, and his solutions found through the method of “family constellation” are moving, amazingly simple and very effective.

Bert agreed to record and edit a series of recorded seminar material for the German psychiatrist Gunthard Weber. Weber published the book himself in 1993, entitled Zweierlei Gluck ["Two Kinds of Happiness"]. The book was received enthusiastically and quickly became a national bestseller.

Bert Hellinger and his second wife Maria Sophia Hellinger (Erdody) head the Hellinger School. He travels a lot, gives lectures, conducts training courses and seminars in Europe, the USA, Central and South America, Russia, China and Japan.

Bert Hellinger is a special, iconic figure of modern psychotherapy. His discovery of the nature of adopted feelings, the study of the influence on a person of various types of conscience (children's, personal, family, ancestral), the formulation of the basic laws governing human relationships (orders of love), puts him on a par with such outstanding researchers of the human psyche as 3. Freud, K. Jung, F. Perls, Ya. L. Moreno, K. Rogers, S. Grof, etc. The value of his discoveries has yet to be fully appreciated by future generations of psychologists and psychotherapists.

B. Hellinger's systemic therapy is not just another speculative theory, but is the fruit of his many years of practical work with people. Many patterns of human relations were first noticed and tested in practice and only then generalized. His views do not contradict other therapeutic approaches, such as psychoanalysis, Jungian analysis, Gestalt, psychodrama, NLP, etc., but complement and enrich them. Today, with the help of systematic work according to B. Hellinger, it is possible to solve such human problems that ten years ago baffled even the most experienced specialists.

Method of systemic arrangement according to Helinger.

Family constellation becomes Bert Hellinger's main method of work and he develops this method by combining two basic principles:

1) Phenomenological approach- following what appears in the work, without preliminary concepts and further interpretations

2) Systematic approach- consideration of the client and his stated topic for work in the context of the client’s relationships with members of his family (system).

The work of Bert Hellinger's method of family constellations consisted in the fact that participants were selected in the group - substitutes for the client's family members and placed in space using very restrained means of expression - only the direction of gaze, without any gestures or posture.

Hellinger discovered that when the facilitator and group work slowly, seriously, and respectfully, surrogate family members feel the same as their real counterparts, despite the fact that they are unfamiliar and no information about them is available.

This phenomenon has been called “vicarious perception”, and the place from which the information comes is called the field (knowing field or morphic field - Rupert Sheldrake’s term). Scientific lack of evidence and insufficient experience in field research is the main criticism of the family (systemic) method. However, in the practice of recent decades, experience has been accumulated that allows constellations to trust the information of the field and follow it in their work.

In the process of gaining experience and observations, Bert Hellinger finds and formulates several laws operating in systems, the violation of which leads to phenomena (“dynamics”) presented by clients as problems. Following the laws, the first experience of which the client receives in the constellation, allows one to restore order in the system and helps to facilitate system dynamics and resolve the problem presented. These laws are called Orders of Love.

Accumulated observations show that the systemic approach and substitutive (field) perception also manifest themselves in non-family systems (organizations, “internal parts of the personality,” abstract concepts such as “war” or “fate”), and not only with direct substitution in group, but also with other methods of work (working in an individual format without a group, working with figures on the table or with large objects on the floor). Increasingly, the family constellation method is being used to make business and organizational decisions ("organizational constellations" or "business constellations").

What problems does the Hellinger arrangement method work with?

First of all, with adopted feelings - repressed, not fully experienced, blocked or prohibited by society feelings that our ancestors experienced.

The adopted feelings are stored in the family system, as in an “information bank,” and can later manifest themselves in their children, grandchildren, and sometimes even great-grandchildren. A person does not realize the nature of these feelings; he perceives them as his own, since he often simply grows up in their “field” and absorbs them with his mother’s milk. And only when we become adults do we begin to suspect that something is wrong here. Many people are familiar with such feelings; they visit us as if spontaneously and are not related to the events that are currently happening around us. Sometimes the intensity of the feelings we experience is so great that we realize the inadequacy of our reaction, but often, alas, we cannot do anything “with ourselves.” We tell ourselves that this won’t happen again next time, but as soon as we loosen control, it happens again.

It is also difficult for a psychologist or psychotherapist, if he has not undergone systematic training, to understand the nature of the adopted feelings. And if you don’t understand the cause of the problem, you can work with it for years. Many clients, not seeing the result, leave everything as it is, suppressing the feeling, but it will appear again in one of their children. And it will appear again and again until the source and recipient of the adopted feeling is found in the family system.

For example, due to some circumstances, a woman’s husband died early, and she is sad for him, but does not openly show her sadness, because she thinks that this will upset the children. Subsequently, this feeling may be adopted by one of her children or grandchildren. And this woman’s granddaughter, who from time to time experiences “unreasonable” sadness towards her husband, may not even be aware of its true reason.

Another theme that often appears in systemic work is the contradiction between the individual and the family (system). Bert Hellinger calls this working with the boundaries of conscience. It is generally accepted that conscience is an exclusively individual quality. But this is not entirely true. In fact, conscience is formed by the experience of previous generations (family, clan), and is only felt by a person belonging to a family or clan. Conscience reproduces in subsequent generations those rules that previously helped the family survive or achieve something. However, living conditions are changing rapidly, and modern reality requires a revision of the old rules: what helped before is now becoming a hindrance.

For example, the conscience of many Russian families contains a “recipe for survival” in times of repression. We remember from history what fate befell many bright and extraordinary personalities. In those difficult years, in order to survive, a person had to not stand out, to be like everyone else. Then it was justified and entered into the family’s “memory bank” as a rule. And its implementation is monitored by conscience. Nowadays, the same mechanism continues to operate and leads to the fact that a person does not realize himself as an individual. Conscience blindly controls us with the help of feelings of guilt and innocence, and a person from a family that has experienced the fear of reprisals will experience inexplicable discomfort (feel guilty) if he strives to realize himself. And vice versa, he will feel comfortable if he does not strive for anything. Thus, personal aspirations and the conscience of the family come into conflict. And if you do not take into account the family's past, it is difficult to understand why this happens.

Separately, I would like to say that B. Hellinger points out a path to the spiritual that is accessible to many. After all, liberation from adopted feelings is tantamount to the end of the struggle in a person’s soul, and he begins to live his own life, realize his own goals. And accepting a sense of humility and gratitude to parents, one’s family and clan provides a reliable rear and allows us to use the accumulated family resources and energy to realize these goals, which greatly increases our chances of success. This gives us the opportunity to explore new horizons in life, gain new experiences, and discover new opportunities. And in case of failure, a loving family provides us with a “safe haven” where we can heal our wounds and restore strength to once again set sail across the vast expanses of life.

The family constellation method allows you to return to the past and relive the feelings that our ancestors experienced. It makes it possible to take an impartial look at what happened, return our ancestors to their dignity and see a solution to the problems that we are experiencing now. Constellations will help you understand relationships with loved ones, improve them, avoid mistakes and, perhaps, make your life a little happier.

Mikhail Burnyashev, Ph.D., family therapist

Taking a phenomenological approach, Hellinger points out the various aspects of conscience, which acts as an “organ of balance” with the help of which we are able to feel whether we are living in harmony with our system or not.

The key words in Hellinger's family therapy are conscience and order. Conscience protects the rules of living together within the framework of personal relationships. Having a clear conscience means only one thing: I am sure that I still belong to my system. And a "troubled conscience" means the risk that I may no longer be allowed to belong to this system. Conscience reacts not only to the right of membership in the system, but also to the balance between the amount of what the individual has given to other members in his system and what he has received from them.

Each of these functions of conscience is guided and carried out by different feelings of innocence and guilt. Hellinger highlights an important aspect of conscience - conscious and unconscious, unconscious conscience. When we follow the conscious conscience, we violate the rules of the hidden conscience, and despite the fact that according to the conscious conscience we feel ourselves innocent, the hidden conscience punishes such behavior as if we were still guilty.

The conflict between these two types of conscience is the basis of all family tragedies. Such a conflict leads to tragic interweavings that cause serious illnesses, accidents and suicides in families. The same conflict leads to a number of tragedies in relationships between a man and a woman - for example, when relationships between partners are destroyed, despite the strong mutual love that exists between them.

Hellinger came to these conclusions not only through the use of the phenomenological method, but also thanks to the extensive practical experience gained during family constellations.

An amazing fact obtained by participating in the constellation is the fact that the resulting force field or “controlling knowing Soul” finds solutions that significantly exceed those that we could invent ourselves. Their impact is far greater than what we could achieve through planned action.

From the point of view of systemic family therapy, a person’s feelings, thoughts, and actions are determined by the system. Individual events are determined by the system. Our connections are expanding in ever increasing circles. We are born into a small group - our family of origin - and this determines our relationships. Then other systems come and, in the end, the turn of the universal system comes. In each of these systems, orders operate differently. Some of the conditions we have been given for a good relationship between parents and children include the following: affection, balance between give and take, and order.

Attachment is the first basic condition for a relationship to work out. Primary love, the attachment of a child to his parents.

Balance between giving and taking.

Relationships between partners can develop normally, if I give something to you, you return a little more as a sign of gratitude, in turn I also give you a little more, and so the relationship develops cyclically. If I give too much and you can't give me as much, then the relationship falls apart. If I don’t give anything, then they also fall apart. Or, on the contrary, you give me too much, and I cannot return so much to you, then the relationship also falls apart.

When balance is impossible.

This balancing of “giving” and “taking” is possible only between equals. It looks different between parents and children. Children cannot return anything of equal value to their parents. They would love to, but they can’t. Here there is such a gap between “take” and “give”, which cannot be eliminated. Although parents receive something from their children, and teachers from their students, this does not restore balance, but only softens its absence. Children are always in debt to their parents. The solution is for children to pass on what they receive from their parents, and first of all to their children, that is, to the next generation. At the same time, the child takes care of his parents as much as he sees fit.

As an example, we can cite the Georgian parable:

The mother eagle raised three chicks and is now preparing them for flight. She asks the first chick: “Will you take care of me?” “Yes, mom, you took such good care of me that I will take care of you too,” replies the first chick. She lets him go, and he flies into the abyss. It's the same story with the second chick. The third responds: “Mom, you took care of me so well that I will take care of my children.”

Compensation in the negative.

If someone hurts me and I hurt them just as much, then the relationship ends. Biblical "eye for an eye." If I cause him a little less, then this pays tribute not only to justice, but also to love. Gospel: If you are hit on the cheek, offer the other one. Sometimes getting angry is necessary to save a relationship. But here it means to be angry with love, because these relationships are important to a person.

In order for the relationship to continue, there is a rule: in a positive relationship, out of precaution, a little more is returned, in a negative relationship, out of precaution, a little less. If parents do something bad to their children, then the children cannot return or do harm to them as compensation. The child has no right to this, no matter what the parents do. The gap is too big for that.

However, it is possible to solve the problem at a higher level. We can overcome this blind compulsion to balance through the bad with the help of a higher order, namely one of the orders of love. Not just love, but a higher order of love, within the framework of which we recognize our own fate and the fate of another, loved one, as two different destinies independent of each other and submit to both of them with humility.

In the process of rearranging the family, Hellinger restores the balance, the order that was disrupted in the system. At the same time, he describes the existing procedures:

1. Accessories. Members of the same genus, regardless of whether they are alive or dead, usually include:

The child and his brothers and sisters;

Parents and their brothers and sisters;

Grandparents;

Sometimes one of the great-grandparents.

In addition, the parental system may have stillborn children, unborn children due to miscarriage or abortion.

Usually the victims belong to the abuser's system and vice versa.

In order for personal relationships to develop successfully, three conditions must be met: affection, balance between “give” and “take” and order.

Everyone belonging to the same clan has an equal right to belong, and no one can or has the right to deny them this. As soon as someone appears in the system who says: “I have more rights to belong to this system than you,” he disrupts order and brings discord into the system. If, for example, someone forgets an early deceased sister or a stillborn child, and someone, as if by itself, takes the place of the former spouse and naively proceeds from the fact that now he has more rights to belong than the one who made room, then he sins against order. Then this often affects itself in such a way that in one or subsequent generations someone, without noticing it, repeats the fate of the person who was deprived of the right to belong.

Thus, belonging is violated if a person is excluded from the system. How can this be done? You can be sent to a mental hospital, write a waiver of parental rights, divorce, abortion, emigration, missing, lost, died and forgotten.

The main fault of any system is that it excludes someone from the system, although he has the right to belong to the system, and all the above-mentioned members of the clan have the right to belong.

2. Law of Integers. Any individual member of the system feels whole and complete if all those who belong to his system, to his family, have a good and honorable place in his soul and heart, if there they retain all their dignity. Everyone should be here. He who cares only about his "I" and his narrow individual happiness feels incomplete.

A classic example relates to my patients from single-parent families. In Russian culture, it is accepted that after a divorce, children most often remain with their mother. At the same time, the father is, as it were, excluded from the system, and often the mother tries to erase him from the child’s consciousness. As a result, when the child grows up, he knows little about his own father, who has lost the right to belong to his system. The situation may also be aggravated by the fact that the stepfather will try to claim the place of the natural father in the child’s soul. Typically, such children are constrained and unsure of themselves, weak-willed, passive, and have difficulties communicating with people. The feeling from such a patient is that he has little energy to achieve something in life, this energy should have come from his own father and his family, but it is blocked.

Hence the task of psychotherapy: to find a person against whom injustice was committed and restore it, return him to the system.

3. Law of priority of earlier. Existence is determined by time. With the help of time it receives rank and structure. Who appeared in the system earlier has an advantage over those who come later. Therefore, parents go before their children, and the first-born comes before the second-born. The first partner has an advantage over the second.

If a subordinate interferes in the area of ​​a superior, for example, a son tries to atone for his father’s guilt or be a better husband for his mother, then he considers himself entitled to do what he has no right to, and this person often unconsciously reacts to such arrogance with a need for collapse or death. Since this comes mainly from love, we do not recognize it as guilt. Such relationships always play some role where there is a bad ending, when someone, for example, goes crazy, commits suicide or becomes a criminal.

Suppose a man and a woman lost their first partners and both had children, and now they get married and the children remain with them in their new marriage. Then the husband's love for his children cannot go through the new wife, and the wife's love for her children cannot go through this husband. In this case, love for your own child from a previous relationship takes precedence over love for your partner. This is a very important principle. You shouldn’t be attached to this as a dogma, but many violations in relationships, when parents live with children from previous marriages, occur because the partner begins to be jealous of the children, and this is unjustified. Priority for children. If this order is recognized, then in most cases everything turns out well.

Right order is almost intangible and cannot be proclaimed. This is something other than a rule of the game that can be changed. The orders are unchanged. For the sake of order, it doesn’t matter how I behave. He always stays in place. I can't break him, I can only break myself. It is established for a long or short period, and to submit to the order is a very humble performance. This is not a limitation. It's like you step into a river and it carries you along. In this case, there is still a certain freedom of action. This is something different than when order is proclaimed.

4. Hierarchy of family systems. For systems, subordination is the opposite of hierarchical order in developed relationships. The new system takes precedence over the old one. When a person starts a family, his new family has priority over the spouses’ natural families. This is what experience shows.

If a husband or wife has a child with another partner while they are married, he or she should leave that marriage and move in with a new partner, no matter how difficult that may be for everyone. But this same event can also be viewed as an expansion of the existing system. Then, although the new system appears last and the partners must remain in it, this system is lower in rank than the old one. Then, for example, the former wife has priority over the new one. However, the new one replaces the old one.

5. Ancestral conscience. Just as personal conscience ensures that the conditions of attachment, balance and order are observed, so there is also a clan or group conscience, that authority that guards the system, is in the service of the clan as a whole, makes sure that the system remains in order or comes into order, and takes revenge for violations of order in the system. It acts completely differently. While individual conscience manifests itself through feelings of comfort and discomfort, pleasure and displeasure, the ancestral conscience is not felt. Therefore, it is not feelings that help to find a solution here, but only recognition through comprehension.

This tribal conscience takes care of those people whom we have excluded from our soul and our consciousness, either because we want to resist their fate, or because other members of the family or clan have done wrong to them, and the guilt has not been named and certainly not accepted and not redeemed. Or maybe because they had to pay for what we took and received without thanking them for it or giving them credit for it.

6. Love and order. Many problems arise because we believe that we can overcome the order prevailing in families through internal reflection, effort or love - for example, as the Sermon on the Mount instructs. In fact, order is the principle on which everything is built, and does not allow itself to be replaced by love.

Love is part of order. Order was established before love, and love can only develop within the framework of order. Order is the first principle. Every time a person tries to reverse this order and change the order through love, he fails. It's inevitable. Love fits into a certain order - a place where it can develop, just as a seed falls into the soil - a place where it can germinate and develop.

7. Intimate sphere. The child should not know any intimate details of the parents’ love affair. This is not his business, nor does it concern third parties. If one of the partners tells someone about the details of his intimate life, then this is a violation of trust, leading to bad consequences. First of all, to the destruction of communication. Intimate details belong only to those involved in this relationship. For example, it is unacceptable for a man to tell his second wife intimate details of his relationship with his first wife. Everything that belongs to the intimate relationship between a man and a woman must remain secret. If parents tell their children everything, it will lead to bad consequences for the children. Thus, in the event of a divorce, the child is presented with a fait accompli, and the reasons do not concern him. You cannot force a child to choose which parent to live with. This is too heavy a load for him. It is better when the child stays with the parent who respects the partner more, since he can pass this love on to the child.

If the mother had an abortion, then the children should not know anything about it. This is part of the intimate bond between parents. As for the therapist, he also needs to tell only what would not undermine the partner’s dignity. Otherwise the connection will be destroyed.

8. Balance. The system strives to equalize the balance: children are the first to strive to equalize it. They seek to protect or begin to get sick. Illness often represents an excluded family member.

When the balance is poorly aligned, we understand where love goes: love leaves, and it is directed towards another object.

9. Incest. For example, the wife did not say goodbye to her first partner in the shower, so the husband is lonely. Then the daughter says: I love you so much that I will replace your mother. Incest occurs. If the patient complains about his father or mother, then first you need to restore the figure of the parent in his eyes.

A family member has three opportunities to balance the balance with love:

1. I love you so much that I'm leaving for you.
For example, a client with bronchial asthma said that she was three years old when her father fell ill first with the flu, then with pneumonia, and finally died of pneumonia. After which she also fell ill with the flu and pneumonia and was admitted to intensive care with an attack of bronchial asthma.

2. I love you so much that I'm leaving in your place. I'm better than you.
For example, a daughter cannot accept the idea that her mother will die soon and dies before her mother.

3. I love you so much that I will atone for your guilt.
The ancestral conscience seeks to restore balance by caring for those who have been excluded from the system, those who are misunderstood and forgotten, those who have not been given their due, and those who are dead.

If someone who belongs to the system, or someone who should belong to it, is for some reason excluded from it, if he is denied the right to belong because others despise him or do not want to admit that he gave a place appeared later or that they still owe something to him, then the tribal conscience chooses for itself someone innocent from those born later, who, under its pressure, imitates this person by identification, and imitates conscientiously. He didn't choose it, he doesn't notice it, and he can't resist. He thus reanimates someone else's fate, the fate of someone who was excluded, and once again plays out this fate with all its guilt, innocence and misfortune, with all the feelings and everything that relates to it.

Another situation that becomes the main cause of violations at the individual level is “interrupted movement towards...”. This is a situation in which a person as a child was stopped in his movement towards some person (most often this is his mother). This may be due to hospital stays or separation due to other reasons, or to events that were associated with strong feelings of rejection.

And when, as an adult, this person goes to someone, that is, he is in a “movement towards ...”, at some point memories of that situation arise in him, even if just as a bodily memory, but he reacts with those feelings and symptoms as in childhood. For example, bronchial asthma is often a manifestation of an interrupted movement towards the mother, and when an asthmatic is in danger of losing a loved one, often a lover, he reacts with a severe attack of bronchial asthma and ends up in intensive care.

It could also be a headache, cramps, or making important decisions to your detriment (for example: “I will never show weakness again,” or “This won’t help anyway”). Instead of continuing to "move toward..." until it reaches the goal, the person steps back and begins to move in a circle until he returns to the same place. This is the secret of neurosis. When such a person becomes emotional, the voice of a child appears in him, and then one can ask how old this voice is. This is usually early, unconscious trauma.

The solution here is for this person to become that child again, and already, being that child, complete the interrupted “movement towards...”. At this moment, the client acquires a decisively new experience, and it is much easier for him to succeed in subsequent “movements towards...”.

These, and many other topics, are best considered and resolved through practical participation in systemic family constellations according to Helinger.

Literature:

B. Hellinger. Orders of Love. Resolution of family-systemic conflicts and contradictions. M., Publishing House of the Institute of Psychotherapy, 2001.

B. Hellinger. Orders of Love. How life and love work together. Institute of Consulting and System Solutions, 2007.

The article was prepared based on materials found in the public domain on the Internet.