Test for psychological boundaries. Personal boundaries

Now, almost no one I talk to in my work as a coach, they all have the same problem. The problem is with personal boundaries, which are in a very poor state. Without these very visible and well-functioning boundaries, people understandably experience significant problems in daily life, relationships, and any career endeavors. They wrote a lot about borders in LiveJournal, and very well, so if you see button accordions in some places, call me.

I will not talk about physical boundaries in too much detail, because this is what is easiest to understand. Our body limits us from the environment through the skin and mucous membranes. Accordingly, violation of the physical boundary is penetration into our body.

What are personality boundaries? This is what separates us from those around us. Where is this line drawn? In our understanding and feeling of ourselves as individuals. Essentially, the border is our understanding of where is ours and where is not ours.

Of course, we can look at our personality boundaries in different ways. You can say globally - “this is me - this is not me.” There are different aspects of personality that can be identified. For example, I am relational, I am religious, I am sexual, and I am creative…. I-whatever you want. Therefore, the boundaries can be called according to your diverse self.

For example, your emotional boundaries are a set of feelings and reactions; Your religious (spiritual) boundaries are a set of knowledge, feelings, beliefs, expectations and experiences that relate to religious or spiritual experience. Sexual – a set of what we consider normal and acceptable in sex.

The boundaries of our personality begin to form in infancy. At first the child does not feel separate from the mother, but gradually becomes more and more aware of himself as an independent being. Of course, certain aspects of our personality are formed at different times, and if a child finds himself in an unfavorable situation at a certain age, the formation of certain types of boundaries may be disrupted. If a child forms his personality in a dysfunctional family, then the formation of personality boundaries may be disrupted globally.

When boundaries are normal and healthy, a person feels comfortable in the world. He communicates easily, enters into relationships, breaks them off, moves from place to place, finds a new job... and thousands of other small comfortable actions in life. Healthy boundaries are flexible. A person easily determines the level at which it is convenient and pleasant for him to communicate and whether he wants this communication. He may become close to you, and then move away if he feels that something is wrong in the relationship.

Nina Brown identified several types of personal boundaries
– soft – immediately merge with other people
– spongy – absorb other people’s things – people are not confident in themselves
-rigid - equally in all situations a person remains within his boundaries. Violators receive harsh rebuff. On the one hand, this is not bad, but not being able to maneuver in a situation can bring problems in your personal life.
– flexible – those that can change depending on the situation.

People can breach the boundaries of others by projecting their personality onto the opponent.
– blame a person for their problems (you ruined my life)
– control behavior (you should no longer do this)
– they give unsolicited advice about what you should be like (if I were you... I should have done this a long time ago)
– they give instructions on what events to evaluate and how (this is devilry)
– give assessments of your appearance and personality (you’re a fat lazy person)
In behavior, people can take your things, sit in your place, use your money, not repay debt, manipulate you, and much more. No matter what happens, a person whose borders have been invaded may experience confusion, fear, anger, frustration, and try to avoid further communication.

If weak boundaries invade a person quite regularly, such a person experiences quite a lot of stress and cannot adequately defend against attacks. If normally we feel within our boundaries that our personality is our own, friendly, then people with weak boundaries feel stupid, losers who spoil everything for themselves and are to blame for everything. Sometimes people with weak boundaries develop apathetic depression. The personality feels almost paralyzed by constant intrusions and cannot stop them.

The weaker a person's boundaries, the more often he attacks the boundaries of others. Not out of malice, but because he does not realize that he is leaving his area of ​​competence. The most persistent attackers are narcissists. Their boundaries are practically not formed, and with many loved ones they feel like one whole (as in the example of a narcissistic mother)

What signs of violation/weakness of boundaries may there be? Such people:

1. They have difficulty defining in their personality what belongs to them and what belongs to others. They often do things because “that’s what normal people/all women/real men/thinking and responsible workers do.” Although they themselves may not only be not interested in this activity, but also not like it in principle.
2. It's hard to say no to others.
3. Believe that their happiness and other feelings depend on others
4. Continue relationships with people who treat them poorly or whom they do not like
5. They trust others because others know better and the opinions of others are more important.
6. They are concerned with the affairs and problems of others, not their own. You spend more time on others than on yourself.
7. They find it difficult to ask for something they need.
8. Can't fight back against other people who might use their things or money
9. Shy
10. Submit to the wishes of friends
11. They are afraid to show their true selves, they try to be what they want to be.
12. They find it difficult to voice their opinions or open up their thoughts.
13. Sensitive to criticism
14. Can't keep secrets
15. Feel empty and envy others
16. Invest more into relationships than they get out of them
17. Feel responsible for the feelings of others
18. They often feel angry.
19. It is difficult for them to be alone with themselves.

How can we show our boundaries to others:

1. Using speech (language) to express what we want, what we believe in, etc.
2. Using the truth about yourself (lies indicate your boundaries in a place other than where they actually are)
3. Using the sequence (said - did)
4. By establishing emotional distance (if a person violates your boundaries, then distance yourself from close communication with him and involvement in his affairs)
5. By establishing a time frame for communication (you decide how much and when to communicate with whom)

A few laws describing how boundaries work:

1. The Law “As you sow, so shall you reap.” You reserve the right not to communicate or limit communication with someone who treats you poorly
2. Law of responsibility. Everything that happens within your boundaries, your feelings, thoughts, desires, aspirations... are under your personal responsibility. Nobody else bears any responsibility for this.
3. The law of strength is to find the strength to recognize problems within your boundaries and correct them as they are discovered.
4. The law of respect is not to trespass into other people's boundaries. If you refuse to break into others, people will break into you less often
5. The law of false motivation - you need to realize that the psyche can find false reasons not to build boundaries. If I tell people no, they won't communicate with me. They will think badly of me.
6. The Law of Proactivity – People with newly established boundaries usually break through. They begin to express their opinions and can behave aggressively and assertively. This period recedes after the boundaries become stronger and the person feels safe within them.
7. The law of envy - when a person looks at others how they succeeded and how well they are doing, he sets his boundaries too far, striving for the unattainable. As a result, his personality is not able to fill all the space and the person feels inside himself a black hole into which all feelings and energy fly away.
8. The Law of Activity - in order to maintain healthy boundaries and develop them, some social activity and work on oneself is necessary. The borders, abandoned without attention, again begin to wither and are broken through by others.
9. The Law of Demonstration - By demonstrating your boundaries to others, you show yourself to others and reduce the possibility of accidental raids on your territory due to negligence.

Definition of personal territory

Often the problem of recognizing personal territory depends on the fact that a person is more concerned not with what is happening inside him, but with what is happening around him. Therefore, there is a desire to remake the world. Because everyone has some expectations about how other people should behave. There is no need to allow yourself to react sensitively to events occurring outside your personal territory. You shouldn't let all your experiences go inside.

If a negative situation happens outside of your personal space, it should not concern you. However, it is often human nature to react to other people’s criticism, because initially personal space is not defined. Everything that surrounds you is defined as personal, although it is not.

It turns out that you need to determine and highlight what is personal space for you, clearly distinguishing it from the external, “alien” environment.

All your relationships and feelings are personal space. And you have global responsibility for it. You can cope with all the problems that arise there, inside.

However, as soon as things start to go wrong and you quickly become overwhelmed, it is usually a sign that you are invading the wrong space. For example, two people are in conflict, and a third squeezes between them and begins to reconcile them, although this is not his space.

Even if the conflicting parties turn to you for help, you always have a choice: to join the dispute or not. An even better question to ask yourself is: “Will my intervention have a positive impact on the situation? Or should these people figure it out on their own because it’s their relationship and feelings, not mine?”

Feelings are given to you so that you can clearly define your personal space.

Respecting another person's personal territory

Continuing about childhood: parents sometimes love to encroach on their children’s space. For example, they say: “What a stupid movie you are watching!” But the child is interested! Respecting the space of a little person, it is better to ask him: “I wonder what you like about this film?”

Parents often open their children’s briefcases and diaries, rummage through their things, criticizing and evaluating everything, as if it were their property. It turns out that the child has no personal space. What to do in this situation?

Firstly, the most important thing is to learn to distinguish personal space: this is mine, and this is not.

Secondly, begin to treat with great respect everything that children do and say, without evaluating or criticizing, and most importantly, without hostility. It is human nature to sometimes take out negative emotions and feelings on loved ones. It is in such cases that the boundaries of personal space become confused.

If you ask a person: “Tell me, what’s going on? What’s good or bad for you in this situation?” - you show respect for yourself and for other people, in particular, for partners and children. That is, it is necessary to ask, clarify: “Did you like the movie? What about the book?” - or: “I see you don’t want to sweep the floor. What other thing would you choose to help me around the house?” It is important to ask, leaving the child or partner the right to choose.

Everyone knows the taboo: you can’t read other people’s letters. Observing this prohibition expresses respect for another person. After all, other people's letters are other people's feelings, life, situation, relationships, that is, everything that does not concern strangers.

But everything can get mixed up in the first stage of childhood, when parents think that they are responsible for everything. How do you think a child might feel when he comes to his mother and she says: “Why are you so sad? Did you quarrel with someone? Come on, tell me!” After all, this is a violation of space!

My light, MIRROR...(Tests for high school students)

Methodology “The house in which you “live””

(Methods for diagnosing character were used from the source: Psychological tests for teenagers./Compiled by T.V. Orlova. - Kyiv: Tair LLC, 1997. - 190 pp. (Popular psychology)

A drawing created by a person without thinking can greatly reveal his character. Character is the totality of a person’s mental traits as a result of his temperament and upbringing, the direction of his will and mind. To find out some of your character traits, draw an ordinary house on a piece of paper.

Interpretation of results

Small, low house. A person who draws a house with a very low roof most likely feels tired, tired, and likes to reminisce about the past.

Multi-storey building. He is usually depicted as a dry, withdrawn person, dealing with his own problems.

Lock. Such a drawing reveals something childish in character, frivolous, frivolous. It means that a person has too rich an imagination and is disconnected from real life.

Window. A huge window most likely speaks of openness, cordiality, and friendliness. One or more small windows, windows with bars, shutters - an indicator of secrecy, the presence of complexes, greed, and the inability to either give or accept anything from others.

Doors. If they are located in the middle of the facade, this indicates friendliness and hospitality. And the porch is about even greater generosity, a sense of self-confidence. An open door means sociability. Closed - closed. If the door covers almost the entire facade, this indicates frivolity, unpredictability in actions, but also generosity.

The absence of a pipe in the picture is a sign of insensitivity. A chimney from which no smoke comes out means the same thing, but this character trait is undoubtedly caused by a number of disappointments in life. A pipe with smoke is a sign of generosity, and if, in addition, even bricks are drawn on the pipe, then this indicates optimism in life.

Method “Your color and your character”

Most people prefer one color, at least no more than two or three (depending on where these colors are used: in clothing, furnishings, etc.). The answer to the question “What is your favorite color?” can reveal the secrets of character, emotional make-up of a person. Of course, it cannot be denied that the pleasant or unpleasant feeling that a particular color evokes can change over time. After all, we ourselves are changing...

White is a synthesis of all colors, which is why it is the ideal color, the “color of dreams.” It contains a significant meaning, since it simultaneously conveys the brilliance of light and the coldness of ice. This color can be preferred by a person with any character; it does not repel anyone.

Black is the opposite of white. This is the color of uncertainty, symbolizing a gloomy perception of life. This is the color of maximalism, criticism, judgment. Anyone who prefers to dress in black often perceives life in dark colors, is unsure of himself, unhappy, and prone to depression, because he has no doubt that ideals in life are unattainable. Frequently changing a black suit or dress to another, brighter one is an indicator that pessimistic moods are dissipating.

Gray is the favorite color of sensible and distrustful people who think for a long time before making any decision. It is also a neutral color favored by those who are afraid to make a statement too loudly. If you don’t like this color, then this is an indicator of an impulsive, frivolous character.

Red is the color of passions. If this is your favorite color, then such a person is brave, strong-willed, domineering, quick-tempered, and sociable. Also an altruist. People who are irritated by this color have an inferiority complex, fear of quarrels, a tendency towards solitude, stability in relationships.

Orange is the favorite color of intuitive people and passionate dreamers.

Brown and all its shades (the color of earth) are preferred by those who have stood firmly and confidently on their feet. People who have a soft spot for him value traditions and family. When he is unpleasant, it speaks of selfishness and selfishness, that this person is secretive and has difficulty being frank.

The color yellow symbolizes calmness, ease in relationships with people, and intelligence. Being loved means being sociable, curious, courageous, adaptable, and enjoying the opportunity to please and attract people. When he is unpleasant, then we are talking about a concentrated, pessimistic person with whom it is difficult to establish an acquaintance.

Lettuce is the color of misanthropes and cynics. Only powerful people like him, who seek to impose their will on others, but are afraid to act themselves, so as not to get into a difficult situation.

Pink is the color of life, of all living things, it speaks of the need to love and be kinder. Those who like him can get upset over any, even the most insignificant, reason. For pragmatic people, this color causes irritation.

The color violet speaks of very great emotionality, sensitivity, high spirituality and delicacy. When it is unpleasant, it is a sign of a developed sense of duty, a desire to live only in the present. This is a typical color of harmoniously developed people.

Blue. Since this is the color of the sky, it is usually associated with the spiritual sublimity of a person, his purity. If you like him, it speaks of modesty and melancholy; such a person often needs to rest. He gets tired quickly and easily; a sense of confidence and the goodwill of others are extremely important to him. The rejection of this color reveals a person who wants to give the impression that he can do anything in the world. But, in essence, he is a model of uncertainty and isolation. Indifference to this color speaks of a certain frivolity in the field of feelings, hidden under the guise of courtesy.

Green is the color of nature, nature, life itself, spring. The one who prefers it is afraid of other people's influence, looking for a way to assert himself, since this is vitally important for him. Anyone who does not love him is afraid of everyday problems, the vicissitudes of fate, in general - all difficulties.

Test "What is your creative potential?"

(Potemkina O.F., Potemkina E.V. Tests for teenagers. - M.: ACT-PRESS KNIGA, 2006. - 320 pp. pp. 92-96.)

Instructions. Choose one of the suggested answers to the following questions and statements.

1. Do you think that the world around you could be improved?

b) no, he’s already good enough;

c) yes, but only in some ways.

2. Do you think that you yourself can participate in significant changes in the world around you?

a) yes, in most cases;

c) yes, in some cases.

3. Do you think that some of your ideas would bring significant progress in the field of activity in which you are going to work?

b) yes, under favorable circumstances;

c) only to some extent.

4. Do you think that in the future you will play such an important role that you will be able to fundamentally change something in your life and in the lives of other people?

a) yes, for sure;

b) it is unlikely;

c) possible.

5. When you decide to take some action, do you think that you will carry out your undertaking?

b) you often think that you won’t be able to;

c) yes, often.

6. Do you feel the urge to do something you absolutely don’t know?

a) yes, the unknown attracts you;

b) the unknown does not interest you;

c) it all depends on the nature of the case.

7. You have to do something unfamiliar. Do you have a desire to achieve perfection in it?

b) you are satisfied with what you have achieved;

c) yes, but only if you like it.

8. If you like a business that you don’t know, do you want to know everything about it?

b) no, you want to learn only the most basic;

c) no, you only want to satisfy your curiosity.

9. When you fail, then:

a) persist for some time against common sense;

b) give up on this idea, because you understand that it is unrealistic;

c) continue to do your job, even when it becomes obvious that the obstacles are insurmountable.

10. In your opinion, a profession should be chosen based on:

a) your capabilities, proper prospects for yourself;

b) stability, significance, necessity of the profession, need for it;

c) the benefits it will provide.

11. When traveling, could you easily navigate the route you have already taken?

b) no, you are afraid of going astray;

c) yes, but only where you liked the area and remembered it.

12. Immediately after some conversation, can you remember everything that was said?

a) yes, without difficulty;

b) you won’t be able to remember everything;

c) remember only what interests you.

13. When you hear a word in an unfamiliar language, can you repeat it syllable by syllable, without error, even without knowing its meaning?

a) yes, without difficulty;

b) yes, if this word is easy to remember;

c) repeat, but not quite correctly.

14. In your free time, do you prefer:

a) stay alone, think;

b) be in company;

c) you don’t care whether you are alone or in company.

15. You are doing something. You decide to stop this activity only when:

a) the job is finished and seems well done to you;

b) you are more or less satisfied;

c) you haven’t managed to do everything yet.

16. When you're alone:

a) like to dream about some, perhaps even abstract, things;

b) trying to find a specific activity at any cost;

c) sometimes you like to dream, but about things related to your work.

17. When an idea captures you, you will begin to think about it:

a) no matter where and with whom you are;

b) you can only do this alone;

c) only where it will not be too noisy.

18. When you defend an idea:

a) you can refuse it if you listen to convincing arguments from your opponents;

b) you will remain unconvinced no matter what arguments you listen to;

c) change your mind if the resistance is too strong.

Calculate the points you have accumulated as follows:

for answer “a” - 3 points;

for answer “b” - 1 point;

for the answer “c” - 2 points.

Questions 1, 6, 7, 8 determine the limits of your curiosity; questions 2, 3, 4, 5 - self-confidence; questions 9 and 15 - consistency; question 10 - ambition; questions 12 and 13 - auditory memory; question 11 - visual memory; question 14 - your desire to be independent; questions 16, 17 - ability to abstract; question 18 - degree of concentration.

These abilities constitute the qualities of creative potential. The total amount of points scored will show the level of your creative potential.

49 or more points. You have significant creative potential, which provides you with a wide range of creative possibilities. If you can actually apply your abilities, then a wide variety of forms of creativity are available to you.

From 24 to 48 points. You have quite good creative potential. You have the qualities that allow you to create, but you also have problems that slow down the creative process. In any case, your potential will allow you to express yourself creatively, if you so wish, of course.

23 or less points. Your creative potential, alas, has not yet gained strength, and it needs to be developed. But maybe you just underestimate yourself and your abilities? A lack of self-confidence can lead you to believe that you are not capable of creativity at all. Get rid of these thoughts and thus solve the problem.

Character: Psychogeometric test

Character is an individual stable system of habitual ways of human behavior. Translated from ancient Greek it means: “imprint”, “distinctive feature”, “sign”, “sign”, “feature”. Character is largely the result of education and self-education. Unlike temperament, which is largely determined by innate qualities, character develops primarily throughout life, under the influence of communication with other people.

(Gretsov A.V., Azbel A.A. Know yourself. Psychological tests for teenagers. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2006. - P. 31-34.)

Instructions. Look at the five figures. Choose from them the one in relation to which you can say: “This is me!” Just don’t engage in any logical analysis or speculation. Just try to feel your form. If you have a lot of difficulty, choose from the figures the one that first attracted your attention when you looked at the page with their image. Write its name under No. 1. From the remaining four figures, again choose the closest one and write its name under No. 2. And so number all five figures. Please try to do without much thought!

Rice. 3. Stimulus material for the “psychogeometric test”

Interpretation of results.

Having numbered the figures, read the psychological characteristics with which their choice is usually correlated. The characteristics associated with the figures you chose No. 1 and No. 2 are most applicable to you. As for the characteristics associated with the figure you chose last, these are the traits you reject. Most likely, it will be quite difficult for you to communicate with people who actively manifest them.

Table 5

Interpretation of psychogeometric test results

Psychological properties

Positive

Negative

Organized

Attentive to the details

Hardworking

Rational, prudent

Erudite

Tenacious, persistent

Firm in decisions

Patient

Thrifty

Pedant, meticulous, petty

Can't see the forest for the trees

Hard worker

Cold, aloof

Overly cautious

Not a very rich imagination

Conservative, resistant

Waiting, delaying decisions

Triangle

A leader who leads

Taking responsibility

Decisive

Focused on the goal

Focused on the essence of the matter

Competitive, win-oriented

Confident

Ambitious

Vigorous

Selfish, self-centered

Impatient, interrupts others

Cunning, cunning

Arrogant

Status and career oriented

Unstoppable

Rectangle

Excited, active

Curious

Easily learns new things

Sensitive, without unnecessary ambitions

Tense in a state of confusion

Inconsistent, fickle

Gullible, suggestible

Emotionally unstable

With low self-esteem

Reckless

Friendly, benevolent

good-natured

Caring

Supportive

Devoted

Sympathetic

Generous

Able to convince others

Confiding

Calm

Reflective (tends to be self-aware)

Conflict-free

Undemanding

inferior

Careless

Intrusive

Talkative

Intrusive

Talkative, likes to gossip

Tendency to self-recrimination

Extravagance

Plays on the feelings of others

Gullible

Not very keen on achievements

Indecisive

Weak "politician"

Creative approach to life

Theoretical setting

Dreaminess, focus on the future

Intuitiveness

Wit

Expressiveness

Striving for novelty

Enthusiasm, enthusiasm

Disorganization

Impracticality

unrealistic

Illogicality, inconsistency

Eccentricity

Intemperance, spontaneity

Inconsistency of moods, behavior and relationships

Naivety

Pay attention to the fact that in the “Positive” and “Negative” columns we are sometimes talking about very similar psychological characteristics, simply expressed in different words (firm in decisions - stubborn, generous - wasteful, etc.).

In fact, in essence, these psychological characteristics are very close, but whether they will be positive or negative depends on how exactly they manifest themselves and how well they correspond to external conditions. And also on how others and the person himself treat them.

Methodology “Draw your character”

(Psychology: Textbook V class. / Edited by I.V. Dubrovina. - M.: Moscow Psychological and Social Institute; Voronezh: MODEK, 2000. - P. 226-231.)

Instructions. Fill in each of the proposed squares, adding images at your discretion. Don't think long about the task. Give free rein to your imagination.

Rice. 4. Stimulus material for the “Let’s Draw Your Character” method

Processing and interpretation of results.

Now let's see what happened.

1. The picture in the first square shows how you feel about yourself. If you drew something funny or a smiling face, then this indicates a good attitude towards yourself and a sense of humor. If you drew the sun, you often want to be in charge, a leader. The flower means that you pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Eye - you are a proud person, you strive to control yourself and other people.

2. Drawing in the second square. If you drew something only in a small square, it means that you are a homebody and love the comfort of home. If the drawing is in a large square, then you are interested in the world around you. If the drawing is in both large and small squares, then your interests are harmoniously distributed between the house and the outside world.

3. Third square. An arrow flying into a target means that you are able to work hard to achieve your goal. If you have drawn several arrows or lines, then you do not know what goal you want to achieve. If you draw something that doesn't look like arrows and a target, then you are a seeking, rebellious person.

4. Fourth square. If there are many figures or drawings drawn in this square, then this means that you like to communicate and most likely you have many friends. If you drew only one line, then most likely you are a secretive, reserved, reserved person. If you depicted a brick, then you are inclined to be capricious and doubt everything. Or maybe you're a whiner?

5. Fifth square. If you drew something similar to a building, a lamppost, or the neck of an animal (that is, your drawing depicts one thing and its lines are closed), then you have a calm, friendly character. If you left the space between two vertical lines blank, and shifted the drawing to the right or left, then you are shy, modest. If you get a tree, it means that you value home and family most of all. If you depicted fruits on a tree, it means that you love small children very much.

6. Sixth square. If the main thing in your drawing is a given element, then you have the rare ability to quickly and easily win strangers over. If you drew something completely different, for example, an angular geometric pattern, then most of all you value autonomy and independence.

7. Seventh square. A drawing above the wavy line located in the middle indicates that you are confident and feel confident, and if under the wavy line, then you do not believe in your abilities. By depicting a sinking object, you show that you are worried about your future. A pattern in the form of a chain or ornament indicates that you are able to work hard, are responsible, but are too sensitive to mistakes.

8. Eighth square. What you depict in the empty square means your range of interests. If you left the square empty, then you are probably bored with life. Try to become interested, get carried away by something, find yourself some exciting activity.

9. Ninth square. If you complement the drawn black square with other squares or other geometric shapes so that you get a symmetrical pattern, then you are disciplined, organized, and work well with others. If you get a picture with curved lines, asymmetrical and not similar to the correct geometric structure, then this indicates that you are not inclined to recognize authorities, are stubborn and persistent.

10. Tenth square. If you are simply closed in circles, then you constantly need protection and support, and prefer not to decide anything on your own. If you haven't closed the circles, you are an independent person with a purpose in life. A drawing in the form of a human ear speaks of a secretive character. If the drawing made you think about the handle of the cup, then you like to take care of small children and the house.

11. Eleventh square. If you perceive a drawing as an element of a board game, then this means assertiveness of character and a love of competition. If the drawing somehow resembles a house, this indicates thriftiness.

12. Twelfth square. If you used dots as an integral part of the picture (ants, a hare's tail, grains that birds peck, etc.), this indicates that you have a good imagination, a rich imagination. If you shaded the dots and connected them into a circle, this indicates logical thinking and a practical mindset.

Test "Road to the Mountains"

(Derekleeva N.I. Modular course of educational and communicative motivation of students or Learning to live in the modern world. - M.: VAKO, 2006. - 128 pp. - P. 57-59.)

What we choose, what actions we perform in accordance with our choice, depends on our attitude towards ourselves and towards the people around us. If you want to know your attitude towards yourself and towards people, then you are invited to take a trip to the mountains. There will be five stops on the imaginary journey.

Game description

Your friend lives in the mountains. Today is a day off, he invited you and your friends to visit. You decide it would be useful to take a walk. Besides, the places where you live are very hot, and I would like to go where it is cool. You get into the car, pick up your friends and hit the road together.

FIRST STOP

Part of the road is very bad, ahead is a large hole full of water.

Options:

1) you manage to go around the hole and continue on your way;

2) you are stuck in a hole. It is impossible to get out without outside help. We'll have to wait for someone to pull it out.

SECOND STOP

An oncoming car pulls you out and you're on the freeway. It's noon. Friends ask you to speed up, it’s very hot in the car. You want to speed up and show off the car's capabilities.

Options:

1) you refuse this idea, fearing road troubles;

2) you give in to the persuasion of your friends and step on the gas. But on the road there is a traffic policeman and you are fined for speeding.

THIRD STOP

Your mood has completely deteriorated, and the road is getting steeper. Friends joke, laugh, demand to increase the speed. Chatting with friends is annoying. You have unpleasant sensations.

Options:

1) you open the window, turn on the radio, and everything goes away;

2) you stop the car, go out to the side of the road, look for a corner to lie down and calm down.

FOURTH STOP

The irritation went away and it became easier. You hit the road, mountain road, fresh air, good music, jokes from friends, and suddenly - bang: a tire puncture.

Options:

1) calling your friends for help, you change the tire and continue on your way;

2) you are furious. The mood is hopelessly ruined. You kick the car and hurt your leg. Until the pain subsides, you cannot hit the road.

FIFTH STOP

The road is getting steeper. A lot of time has been lost, I want to achieve my goal faster and relax a little.

Options:

1) you discuss with friends how you can change the plan for a walk without harming the walk itself, yourself and your friends;

2) you decide to drive faster, but the traffic police are not asleep... A fine, unpleasant explanations, a quarrel with friends.

Reflection game

1. Does the road you were driving on resemble our life?

2. Is it possible to live life without obstacles and failures?

3. How to treat them?

4. How does this game relate to the topic of our conversation?

Each stop offers two answer options:

1) answer option - 10 points;

2) answer option - 5 points.

Analysis of results

If you score from 40 to 50 points, this means that even in a game situation you never tire of thinking about your actions. You understand that every action you take is the result of your attitude towards yourself, people and the world. You realize that any of your actions have certain consequences for you, and you act as your mind tells you.

When you perform certain actions, you think about the consequences not only for yourself, but also for other people.

If you learn to reason in a game situation, then in life you will avoid losses and mistakes that await you along the way.

If you scored from 30 to 40 points, then you think that you can live without thinking about the consequences of your actions. It is very difficult for you to make your own decisions. Very often, an act committed thoughtlessly causes repentance, but, unfortunately, it is often too late. Sometimes it is difficult for you to get along with people, to adapt to their opinions and desires. However, you really want the people around you to follow your interests and desires.

If you score 25 points, then your behavior is a consequence of an indifferent attitude towards yourself and others, which often leads to bad consequences. Reluctance to listen to the voice of common sense, sole decision-making, thoughtlessness in relationships with people can lead to the fact that a person remains isolated and suffers both physically and mentally.

At the end of the game, the guys count the points and (if desired) talk about their choice.

Test “How do you feel about your time?”

(Psychological tests for teenagers./Compiled by T.V. Orlova. - Kyiv: Tair LLC. 1997. -190 p.)

How to learn to live optimally? Every person from early childhood must learn simple truths that can affect the result of his life efforts and achievements. Time is irreversible. It cannot be accumulated, bought, donated, inherited, captured, or demanded. Or you can learn to manage it skillfully; take care of it; spend it sparingly; dispose of it in such a way that others understand how important and valuable it is to you.

Instructions. When answering questions, choose one of the answer options (A, B, C).

1. In order to get up in the morning, you:

A. set the alarm clock - 3;

B. rely on your family and friends - 1.

2. When you wake up in the morning, you:

A. immediately jump out of bed and get ready for school - 2;

B. get up without fussing, do a warm-up, then get ready for school - 3;

B. Knowing that you have a few minutes left, relax in bed - 1.

3. At breakfast you:

A. quickly drink tea or coffee with sandwiches - 2;

B. eat a full breakfast - 3;

B. you don’t have breakfast - 1.

4. Do you prefer the following start to the day:

A. coming to school at the same time - 3;

B. late - 1;

V. how will it turn out - 2.

5. During school lunch you:

A. have time to have lunch before the bell rings - 1;

B. have time to have lunch and get to class on time - 2;

B. have time to have lunch and chat with friends during lunch - 3;

6. Do you often manage to laugh at your friends?

A. every day - 1;

B. sometimes - 2;

B. rarely - 3.

7. You are in a conflict situation:

A. stubbornly defend your position - 1;

B. avoid participating in the conflict - 2;

B. clearly state your position and stop the discussion - 3.

8. After school you stay late at school:

A. always for 20 - 3 minutes;

B. about an hour - 2;

B. you can stay long enough - 1.

9. In your free time you usually:

A. spend with friends - 2;

B. devote yourself to your hobbies - 3;

B. carry out as it turns out - 1.

10. Meeting with friends means for you:

A. the opportunity to escape from worries - 3;

B. loss of time - 2;

B. problems and spoiled mood - 1.

11. You go to bed:

A. at approximately the same time - 2;

B. whenever, depending on mood and school lessons - 1;

B. after finishing all the tasks - 3.

12. How do you spend your holidays:

A. always interesting - 3;

B. as my parents decide - 1;

V. how it turns out - 2.

13. When talking about sports, you limit yourself to:

A. the role of a fan - 2;

B. do exercises constantly - 3;

V. do not consider sport vital for yourself - 1.

14. Over the past two weeks, you have:

A. moved - 3;

B. went in for sports - 2;

V. were engaged in physical labor - 1.

15. When meeting friends, you usually:

A. discuss your problems - 2;

B. do sports - 3;

B. going on a hike - 1.

16. In any matter, you always want:

A. achieve your goal at any cost - 1;

B. succeed thanks to your efforts - 3;

B. take a wait-and-see attitude - 2.

Processing and interpretation of results

The prevailing score is “3”.

If a score of “three” predominates in your answers, this indicates that you are quite careful with your time and value it. You try to rationally distribute time between your studies, hobbies and friends. At the same time, you try to make sure that your communication with loved ones and friends is informal and brings satisfaction not only to you, but also to the people around you. You believe that meeting with friends is not a reason to complain about the bad attitude of other people towards you and discuss your problems, but an opportunity to have fun, talk about your successes, learn something, and enjoy the achievements of others. You are on the right track not only in managing your time, but also in achieving your goals. Your experience can help others manage their time wisely and improve their life achievements.

The prevailing score is “2”.

If your answers are dominated by a score of “two”, it is also not by chance that this indicates that you are characterized by an indifferent attitude towards your own life. It seems that you are hesitant to start treating yourself and your time expenditure with respect and reason. There is a lot of irresponsibility in your actions, but sometimes you realize that what you are doing is wrong, you come to your senses, although your energy does not last long. Therefore, you have many defeats in your life, which are associated not only with certain circumstances, but to a greater extent with your disorganization and lack of will.

Predominant score "1"

If your answers are dominated by a score of “one,” then you do not control time, but time controls you.

You have little interest in time categories. You live the way you want. You are not at all interested in what losses this may result in the future. However, it is unusual for you to blame yourself for your problems; you love your friends and acquaintances to sympathize with you and feel sorry for you. This gives you food to continue doing nothing.

You try not to think about the future because it scares you! You prefer to blame others for your failures and problems, although in the deep labyrinths of your soul you realize that you are to blame.

Methodology for diagnosing the degree of satisfaction of basic needs

(Raigorodsky D.Ya. Practical psychodiagnostics. Methods and tests: Textbook. - Samara: ID BAKHRAH, 1998. - P. 624-626.)

Instructions. Here are 15 statements that you must evaluate in pairs, comparing them with each other.

Comparing the 1st statement with the 2nd, 3rd, etc., write the result in the 1st column. So, if, when comparing the 1st statement with the 2nd, you find the 2nd preferable, then enter the number “2” in the initial cell. If the 1st statement is preferable, then enter the number “1”, then do the same with the 2nd statement: compare it first with the 3rd, then with the 4th, etc. and enter the result in 2 th column.

Work through the rest of the statements in the same way, gradually filling out the entire form.

While working, it is useful to pronounce the phrase: “I want...” for each statement.

Stimulus material

1. Achieve recognition and respect.

2. Have warm relationships with people.

3. Secure your future.

4. Earn a living.

5. Have good interlocutors.

6. Strengthen your position.

7. Develop your strengths and abilities.

8. Provide yourself with material comfort.

9. Increase the level of skill and competence.

10. Avoid trouble.

11. Strive for the new and unknown.

12. Secure yourself a position of influence.

13. Buy good things.

14. Do something that requires full dedication.

15. Be understood by others.

Answer form

Processing the results

A. When finished, count the number of choices for each statement.

Select the 5 highest scoring statements and rank them in hierarchy. These are your main needs.

B. To determine the degree of satisfaction of the five main needs, calculate the sum of points in five sections on the following questions:

1. Material needs: 4, 8, 13.

2. Security needs: 3, 6, 10.

3. Social (interpersonal) needs: 2, 5, 15.

4. Recognition needs: 1, 9, 12.

5. Self-expression needs: 7, 11, 14.

B. Calculate the scores for each of the five sections and plot the results on the vertical axis of the graph. Using the points - points, build a general graph of the result, each indicating three zones of satisfaction for five needs.

Will plays an important role in human life. You can give many definitions of this concept (Nemov R.S. General psychology: Textbook for student educational institutions of secondary vocational education. - M.: VLADOS, 2003. - P. 259): will is a form of internal control of behavior on the part of a person, carried out by himself and associated with his consciousness, thinking, with conscious decision-making and their subsequent purposeful implementation; will is what represents the highest level of regulation of human behavior. There are five signs that distinguish volitional behavior from weak-willed behavior - one in which the will does not take an active part in the management. Volitional behavior is behavior that:

1) consciously controlled by the person himself;

2) is goal-oriented;

3) associated with decision-making;

4) correlates with the struggle of equivalent motives, which by themselves are not able to give rise to uniquely purposeful behavior;

5) involves the application of internal efforts to implement it, that is, to overcome obstacles that arise on the way to the goal.

Many examples can be given regarding the volitional qualities of a person. Here is one of them (Derekleeva N.I. Modular course of educational and communicative motivation of students, or Learning to live in the modern world. - M.: VAKO, 2006. - 128 p. - (Pedagogy. Psychology. Management). - P. 25 -26). The Roman youth Mucius, trying to kill the Etruscan king Porsena, who was besieging Rome in 508 BC, was captured. The angry king ordered a fire to be lit in the altar in order to torture the young man and identify his accomplices. Mucius proudly approached the altar and put his right hand on the fire. Continuing to talk to the king, he held his hand on fire until it was charred. Shocked by the act of the young Roman, who showed the willpower of his nation, Porsena released him and lifted the siege from Rome. The image of Mucius, nicknamed Scaevola (left-handed), entered world literature as an example of the will that conquers everything.

Test “What is your will?

(Psychology: Textbook. V class./Ed. I.V. Dubrovina. - M.: Moscow Psychological and Social Institute; Voronezh: MODEK, 2000. - P. 223-226.)

Instructions. Read the questions below and try to answer them truthfully. Indicate the answer with a “+” sign in the appropriate column.

For example

Do you like to walk down the street?

Are you able to complete the work you started if you are not interested in it?

Is it easy for you to overcome internal resistance when you need to do something unpleasant?

When you are scolded or quarrel with friends, can you quickly pull yourself together and objectively understand the situation?

If the doctor forbids you to eat something you love, is it difficult for you to give up this food?

If in the evening you decide to get up earlier than usual, in the morning will you find the strength to carry out this decision?

If you are very afraid of something (for example, going to the dentist), can you easily overcome this fear and do what you need to do?

Are you a "man of your word"? Do you keep the promise you make, even if it takes a lot of trouble?

Do you follow a daily routine?

Do you return the books, films, and CDs you borrow on time?

You know for sure that you will not have any other time to prepare your lessons; will you do them even when there is a very interesting program on TV?

Will you be able to interrupt a quarrel and remain silent, no matter how offensive the words of the one who is quarreling with you may seem to you?

Do you fulfill requests, even if you really don’t want to?

Processing the results.

Now count the points. The answer “yes” is worth 2 points, “sometimes” - 1 point, “no” - 0 points. Calculate the amount. Now read what your results say.

Interpretation

0-8 points. Your willpower is not going well. Most often, you just behave the way you want, the way you like, even if it can hurt you and other people. And this speaks not only of weak will, but also of selfishness. You often have troubles, and they are due to the fact that you take your responsibilities carelessly. You need to think about your character. Maybe something needs to be changed in it?

9-16 points. You have average willpower. You can overcome yourself, but often you don’t do it because you don’t want to or you’re just lazy. Because of this, you get into trouble with teachers, parents, and friends. If you want to achieve more in life, train your will.

17-24 points. Your willpower is fine. I can rely on you, you won't let me down. But sometimes you may be hampered by your desire to always insist on your own, to do exactly as you see fit, even in cases where it is not very important. This attitude can irritate people around you. After all, they also have will and desires. So willpower is good, but you also need qualities such as kindness, attention to people, the ability to listen to them and change your mind if necessary.

"Diffidence"

Goal: to assist parents in understanding the problems arising from the child’s insecurity, increasing the effectiveness of their assistance to children.

Form of delivery: seminar.

Participants: parents of students from 1st to 5th grade.

Preparatory work: instructions for parents “How to help a child become confident?” (Appendix 8).

Materials: fairy tale by K. Stupnitskaya “The Little Wave”.

PROGRESS OF THE SEMINAR

Good evening, dear parents! Today our parent meeting will take the form of a seminar, where we will try to figure out how to help a child grow up self-confident.

Every person is familiar with the feeling of self-doubt, when you seem to yourself to be inept, incompetent, and the future is foggy. And it seems that those around you notice your inner turmoil and anxiety. Uncertainty as a feeling is absolutely normal, but for some children, teenagers, and adults it becomes a habitual, almost constant, everyday feeling.

You say: so what? What hinders self-doubt?

The feeling of self-doubt, as many psychologists note, is an indicator of the psychological instability of the individual. Psychotherapists note the connection between mental personality disorders and manifestations of uncertainty. This means that any difficult situation that requires the mobilization of mental resources can become so traumatic for an insecure person that it will lead to the appearance of certain psychosomatic diseases. And since life is a series of various situations of varying difficulty, we can say that insecure people (and children even more so) get sick more often.

Uncertainty is directly related to self-attitude, or, in other words, to self-image. It is clear that insecure people evaluate their abilities and capabilities lower than they actually are. They may be unhappy with their appearance, although in reality it may be wonderful. It is difficult for them to enter into close relationships, because the feeling of their own low value will interfere. What feelings will accompany their life? Anxiety, doubt, shame, guilt, sadness.

You may ask: If the overall picture of uncertainty is so bleak, how will insecure students learn? Probably bad? It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally. There are insecure children who are embarrassed to answer in class, give in to any difficulties and really study below their capabilities. But there are also other insecure people who do brilliantly, for whom the greatest fear is a blot in a notebook, a mistake, an unlearned lesson, a bad grade. Yes, they study well. But at the cost of severe internal tension, and often illness.

How often do we meet insecure people? More often than we think, since uncertainty can wear different masks. Masks of uncertainty - shyness and self-confidence. What are its reasons? Let's try to hear and “see” the reasons for uncertainty through the fairy tale by K. Stupnitskaya.

Little Wave

A long time ago, Little Wave was born in the blue sea. She was slightly greenish, with a neat white comb that suited her so well. Her parents were Big Blue Waves. Sometimes they swam far from the shore, near the horizon, sometimes they swam to some shore. They had wave friends, adults and children.

The wave children were big naughty people. They loved to play catch-up, knocking adults down. Near the shore they made so much noise that their playful splashing could be heard far, far away. Sometimes they picked up some kind of chip or shell and threw it at each other.

Our Little Wave was not like that. She seemed to everyone to be a serious and reserved girl. She was never capricious like others, she didn’t make noise, she did whatever her elders asked her to do, even when she didn’t really want to. This seemed strange to some, but most were happy with her, because she was not a hassle at all. Little Wave herself also noticed that she was different from other children. She often swam to the side when other wave children were up to their pranks. For some reason, Little Wave was convinced that she needed to be obedient. Usually this was easy for her. But there were also cases when it was not easy. For example, when one day she saw how two wave boys picked up a small fish and began to throw it around, but it could not escape from them. Little Wave then became very angry, she even wanted to hit one of them, but she immediately pulled herself together. After all, the waves cannot be angry. Everyone knows that when the waves are angry, very bad things can happen - like a shipwreck. There were other times when Little Wave got angry, but each time she managed to restrain herself. But the trouble is, Little Wave didn’t know that even when you hold back your anger, it doesn’t go away, but remains inside you. Without noticing it, the Little Wave began to slowly grow and darken.

One day her aunt sent her to carry a large board to the shore. This board was too heavy for a small wave. Moreover, her favorite time was approaching - sunset time. She wanted to lie down and watch the sun melt into the sea and the first stars appear. But since Little Wave was obedient and did not contradict the adults, she carried the board to the shore. She thought that if she hurried, she would still make it before sunset.

At this time, other wave children were splashing near the shore. Noticing Little Wave with her burden, they decided to tease her. They grabbed the board and started throwing it around. Little Wave was very angry: they were having fun, but she had to complete the task, and besides, the sun had already begun to set. Finally she managed to take the board from them and throw it ashore. Tired, she returned back, but the sun had almost set. And then she felt so offended! She floated and felt that she could not calm down her anger. It became bigger and bigger, and the Little Wave itself also grew bigger. At some point, she realized with horror that her crest had risen very, very high. She was unrecognizable - she became completely black. Everything inside tensed and hissed. Looking down, she saw a fisherman in a boat and realized that she would fall straight on him. The noise inside her kept growing, and suddenly she fell with a roar, scattering into a thousand splashes. The fisherman's boat broke down and he was carried out to sea. But Little Wave no longer noticed this. She felt amazing strength. Having scattered into splashes and made some noise, it gathered itself again. Now she was much stronger than before. She turned back, picked up the fisherman and carried him to the shore. When she returned, the adult waves began to praise her for saving the man. She herself was glad about it. But even more, she liked the feeling that she was now experiencing: all the anger that was in her before spilled out, and now there was room inside for something else, and the strength that she had previously spent on holding back the anger, now back to her. The next day, when Little Wave woke up, she wanted to run so much that she, forgetting about all the prohibitions, ran to play catch-up with the other wave children. After yesterday, she knew that sometimes it's worth doing what you want.

So, what knowledge did this tale give us about the causes of uncertainty?

You are absolutely right when you say that often parents, out of great love for their child, wanting to protect him from the dangers of the outside world, to give him as much as possible of everything, deprive the child of independent actions, decisions, mistakes, that is, the experience of independently overcoming difficulties. Children whose parents have achieved significant social success are in a particularly acute situation. And the child, loving his parents dearly and being proud of them, involuntarily compares himself with them and feels his ineptitude even more strongly. And gradually he gets used to living with an almost constant feeling of uncertainty, which, as we have already said, can manifest itself in behavior in different ways.

Now I will read you the situations and options for responding to them, and you will answer what behavior these options refer to: shy, confident or self-confident.

Dima asks Petya to watch for him in class for the second time in a row. Petya replies: “Can’t you force someone? Or forget about being on duty altogether, I’ve found another problem - being on duty.” (Self-confident.)

Lena has recently become sad and silent, keeping aloof from everyone, even from her best friend Masha. Masha approaches her: “It seems to me that you are depressed about something. Maybe we should try to discuss our situation?” (Confident.)

Marina is not satisfied with the grade on the test; it seems to her that the teacher underestimated her grade. She says to the teacher, "Don't you think... If you could... Would you agree that I deserve a higher grade?" (Shy.)

Mom promised to talk to dad about the possibility of an interesting trip for Misha, but she still hasn’t done it: “I thought that you and I agreed that you would talk to dad about me. But that did not happen. It seems to me that this can be done today." (Confident.)

Lesha's neighbor is very noisy during self-study, fidgeting and disturbing Lesha. Lesha tells him: “Will you finally shut up? You can’t handle such easy tasks!” (Self-confident.)

If we look at those around us from the perspective of these masks, then how many insecure people we will see around us!

How can you help your child become confident?

In conclusion, I would like to wish all parents: be sure to support and help your children, approve even for small successes and achievements. Don't be afraid to show your love for them once again. This will only strengthen their confidence in their strengths and capabilities and help in various difficult life situations.

Appendix 8

Respect his mental attitude. It happens that what a child says seems stupid to parents. But it is not always the case. A child has the right to feel and say what he wants, as long as it does not harm others.

Show respect for intentions. The child has the right to want what he wants. However, he needs to be explained that not all desires need to be fulfilled immediately, and some should not be fulfilled at all.

Give unconditional love. Children should feel that they do not have to do anything special to earn love. It is very useful to ask yourself the question: “Am I doing everything to ensure that my child’s actions are driven by love and not fear?”

Help the child feel his own importance through the development of independence. You can create a checklist of responsibilities and demand completion. Under no circumstances should you do for your child what he can already do for himself, even if sometimes slowly or not very well. Support children to make independent decisions.

Help to accept the learning role of mistakes. Don't try to protect yourself too much from making mistakes. It is important to help comprehend the positive experience that was received. A key phrase that can help here is: “Failure is a great opportunity to learn something new.”

Promote the formation of a positive self-image. A child should know, first of all, about his strengths, and then about his shortcomings. Emphasize the personal merits of children.

Let your feelings be expressed openly.

Help your child believe in intuition.

Remind your child that you need him, he is necessary, he plays an important role in your life.

Allow the child to grow in accordance with his physiological and personal capabilities and abilities. He does not have to absolutely correspond to the image desired by his parents. Often a child, loving his parents dearly, is very worried that he cannot be what they want him to be. And from this the results of his activities only worsen.

There are many classifications of a person’s character - according to temperament, attitude towards others, perception of life. I recently suggested another one American psychologist Ernst Hartman. He formulated in scientific terms what was already known at the everyday level: there are “thick-skinned” and “thin-skinned” people. Hartman introduces the concept of “psychic boundaries” that separate a person from the outside world, which can be fragile or strong. In his opinion, communicating with different people every day, we constantly move our personal boundaries, keeping our partner at a distance or allowing us to come close. In this way we protect our “I” from the world around us.

Having drawn up a special question test for the strength of psychological boundaries, Hartman tried it on two thousand people. And I came to interesting conclusions.

• People vary greatly in the thickness of their protective barriers. For some they are very permeable, for others everything reaches them as if through a thick wall.
• The thickness of the protective barrier even relates to the acuity of perception of signals from the senses. For example, “thin-skinned” people are more likely to suffer from loud sounds and bright lights.
• The psyche of women, as a rule, is less protected than the psyche of men.
• People with thin barriers are more suspicious, and they more often have interesting, vivid, memorable dreams.
• People with denser mental boundaries enter into marriage more easily, but receive less pleasure from its carnal joys.
• We all have “skin” that thickens as we age.
• People with fine mental boundaries are creative individuals. They tend to change their views under the influence of experience. Their mood often changes without obvious reasons. These are not necessarily mentally unstable individuals, and they are no more susceptible to mental illness than others. But having very thin barriers can be dangerous.
• On the other hand, a person with too thick mental boundaries often experiences difficulties in contacts with others.
• Differences in this characteristic appear at 3-4 years. But a lot depends on life experience and the ability to protect yourself from the outside world.

TEST

Rate the truth of each statement in relation to yourself on the following scale:
A - completely incorrect;
B - rather false than true;
C - sometimes;
D - more likely true than false;
E - this completely applies to me.

1. My feelings imperceptibly flow into one another.
2. It is very easy for me to remember my childhood feelings.
3. I am easily offended or offended.
4. I spend a lot of time on dreams and fantasies.
5. In fiction, theater and film, I prefer clear plots that have a definite beginning, middle and end.
6. A good organization can only be called one in which everyone clearly understands their responsibilities and it is clear who is responsible for what.
7. Everything has its place, and everything should be placed in its place.
8. Being too close to other people sometimes scares me.
9. Good parents are always a little bit children.
10. I can easily imagine myself as some kind of animal.
11. When something happens to someone close to me, I feel as if it happened to me.
12. When taking on some work, I do not like to bind myself to a plan of action, but in many respects I follow my intuition.
13. The characters in my dreams often transform into one another and turn out to be different people.
14. It often seems to me that I am influenced by extraneous, mysterious forces.
15. It is impossible to draw clear boundaries between normal people, neurotics and simply crazy people.
16. I am a down-to-earth, practical, realistic person.
17. By character I could be a poet, artist, artist.
18. Sometimes I hear someone calling my name, but when I look around I don’t find anyone.

Now let's calculate the test results.

In answers to questions No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, ask yourself:
1 point - for answer A,
2 points - for answer B,
3 points - for answer C,
4 points - for answer D,
5 points - for answer E.

We evaluate the answers to questions No. 5, 6, 7 and 16 using the reverse scheme:
5 points - for answers A,
4 points - for answers B,
3 points - for answers C,
4 points - for answers D
5 points - for answers E.

Results:
- an average person with average “borders” usually scores 35 points;
- 50 or more points - your barriers are too thin;
- 20 or less is too thick.

You can learn more about the boundaries of safe personal space from a psychologist - it is still individual for each person.

/Illustration from pravnet.com/

Any state has borders. A person, metaphorically, is the same as a state, which has its own borders and its own internal laws, and also has protection from encroachers. Remember Perls's famous quote:
I do my job, and you do yours. I do not live in this world to meet your expectations. And you do not live in this world to meet mine.
You are you, and I am me.
And if we happen to find each other, that's wonderful.
If not, it cannot be helped.
Here we are talking about built personal boundaries. How to understand that your personal boundaries have been breached? And you will feel this through discomfort, you will experience dissatisfaction or even indignation, and your feelings will tell you that an “enemy” has infiltrated. For example, such markers may indicate a hack:
-Guests have come to see you, just acquaintances, not relatives. They stop at your home without prior notice or invitation.
-Family members (parents, spouse, children) have a habit of reading your correspondence, reaching into your pockets or purse, looking through your phone.
- Neighbors watch when and where you go, when you come, what you buy in the store.

The following test will help you understand how clearly the boundaries of your personality are built.

Your personal boundaries (test)

When answering the question, give yourself 5 points if you answer “never,” 4 for “rarely,” 3 for “sometimes,” 2 for “often,” and 1 for “always.”

So, let's start:

1. It’s difficult for me to determine what I want.

2. In every situation that is unpleasant for me, I try to find the positives, instead of just worrying.

3. I change my views and plans quite often because I try to please others.

4. I have a feeling that the more I do for others, the less satisfaction I get from it.

5. I consider other people's opinions more than my own.

6. I always feel like something good is going to happen.

7. I think that I have no right to hide something from others..

8. I observe the behavior of others and think about it.

9. I maintain relationships with people with whom I find it unpleasant to communicate.

10. If I am offended by the behavior of another person, it seems to me that I myself am the reason for this and apologize.

11. I easily give in to flattery.

12. I rely on people who care about me.

13. I cannot refuse and fulfill the request, even if it makes me uncomfortable.

14. It is very difficult for me to put in place a person who insults me or someone close to me.

15. I am often treated with disdain and I am offended.

16. I know the feeling of anger.

17. I help others only because I believe that it is always necessary to help.

18. I feel afraid and don’t understand what I need to do.

19. It seems to me that I am unable to change anything in my life.

20. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life.

If you scored no more than 40 points, then you urgently need to start building your personal boundaries.

It turns out that there are people with blurred personal boundaries. These are people who are very dependent on others. It is generally accepted that criminals also have erased personal boundaries. These people experience terrible discomfort and do not understand why. Because they are trying to conquer other people's personal states, or someone has conquered their own personal state, turning them into their slave.
Why do criminals have their boundaries erased and what is the root cause - erased boundaries from childhood and subsequent crimes, or were there crimes in the beginning that erased the boundaries?
What comes first?
Do you know the answer to this question?