A simple technique to easily and naturally convince a person. Psychology of human persuasion

The modern world is the art of communication. A large part of your life depends on how you communicate with others and get your way from them. This applies to your personal life, friends and career. Your opponents will be different, but the ability to win and convince your interlocutor in disputes will definitely come in handy.

How to convince people with words and achieve what you want?

Get closer to the person. Show how much you have in common with your interlocutor. These could be similar interests, opinions, hobbies, hobbies. Give a compliment or gently flatter. It is much easier to convince a person who feels like you in spirit and feels sympathy.

Make a person owe it. Treat someone to coffee today, give them a small gift, or do them a favor. Tomorrow you can ask for a return favor. The person will feel morally indebted to you.

Speak quickly and confidently. Use eloquence to persuade your interlocutor. Don't be shy about the flow of words. Speed ​​of speech indicates confidence in the speaker’s words. Use arguments, facts, exaggerations, metaphors.

Exploit your weak points. Every person has not only armor, but also weaknesses. Press on nobility, pity, sense of duty, fame, fame, conceit, selfishness, generosity, kindness and other instincts. You can convince a person by finding the right key.

Ask for more. Ask a person to borrow $100. He will most likely refuse, but will feel guilty. After that, ask him for 10 dollars. He will fulfill this request. Always ask for more to get less.

Choose the right time. Timing is everything. If a person is not in a good mood, is busy or does not want to talk, then it is better not to even start. Start talking when the person is in the mood, happy or on the rise. This way you will achieve what you want more quickly.

It is not necessary to argue with your interlocutor. Do you want to convince a person, but he says the opposite? Agree, after this the opponent will no longer be so belligerent. Don’t argue directly, but vaguely agree, and then continue to insist and stick to your line.

Be assertive when persuading. Sometimes we listen not to more experienced people, but to more assertive ones. Active and persuasive people inspire trust. Be persistent and don't give up.

Give something in return. When you want to convince a person or ask, you need to give something in return. What does a person want to receive and what value can you offer? Motivate your interlocutor. This way you will be more likely to convince your opponent.

Make him agree. Make the person say the word “yes” several times. After this, people are more positive and ready to agree with many things.

Don't get into a quarrel or conflict. How to achieve what you want? Remain calm even if the atmosphere begins to boil. The one who gives in to emotions loses.

Control your body language. You should watch not only your tongue, but also your body. Often people don’t listen to us so much as they look at the behavior of the interlocutor and draw conclusions. Be open when talking. Do not cross your arms and legs, do not stiffen or slouch. Maintain eye contact and smile.

When you learn to convince people with words, life will become radically better.

In our lives, situations often arise when our point of view does not agree with our interlocutor (this can apply to both the relationship between a man and a woman, and any relationship). But at the same time, we really want to convince a person to do what we need. We may have more information, knowledge, experience, and other advantages, including confidence in our rightness - but will this help in the dispute?

So how do you convince someone to do what you want? What psychological techniques should be used so that the other person takes our side, and does not argue, does not defend his point of view to the last drop of blood?

Do the arguments convince anyone?

Most people strive to convince another person that they are right, using arguments and logic. They try to force the other person to do what they want, based on their conclusions and a clear opinion that they are trying to impose on the other.

This method only works in one case: when the person is already on your side!

This is surprising, but arguments in persuasion only help when the person himself, before talking to you, has already decided for himself that his point of view is this and no other. And when you come and simply voice his thoughts, he can only agree! After all, he had already thought about it himself.

At the same time, no effort is required from you to persuade - you just speak, the person agrees. All.

But the situation changes dramatically if a person’s point of view is different from yours. In this case, can you convince the person to do what you want using arguments and logic?

Try it sometime :) It always ends in failure)

Psychological defense mechanisms

Each of us contains certain psychological mechanisms that protect our psyche. Without diving deeply, I will only say that they allow us to keep our emotional state stable and repel attacks that could harm us. In essence, they give us confidence that we are right, and the conviction to act the way we ourselves want.

It is in each of us. And what happens when a person already has a point of view, a certain picture of the world, and you come and present an argument that refutes the person’s point of view?

For any person it sounds something like this: “he refutes my thoughts, my point of view, he is trying to break me. He thinks that I don’t understand something, he thinks I’m a fool. Therefore, we must defend ourselves."

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This, of course, is a slightly primitive description, and no one consciously thinks so, but subconsciously this is exactly the mechanism that works. By bringing new and new arguments, you are showing emotional aggression. And the person begins to defend himself - defending one's conviction and rightness.

As a result, no matter what you say, no matter what “iron” arguments you give, each additional argument you make will confirm your interlocutor that he is right, giving him additional confidence. He will look for all possible flaws in your logic, attribute to you what you did not say, distort information - but he will find a way to convince, first of all himself, that you are wrong and he is right.

How to convince someone to do what you want

If you think about how to convince a person to do something, then there will actually be only one answer: the person himself must want to do it. And if he doesn’t want to, at least convince yourself, but it won’t do any good.

Okay, there is an option - put a gun to a person’s head and force him to do something by force. But usually such behavior has certain consequences, in the form of your prolonged departure to places not so distant.

Well, well, there is a difficult task: to convince a person, or at least to plant the seeds of doubt in his confidence that he is right. How to do it?

It’s not arguments that convince, it’s questions

Based on what I wrote above - that a person can only decide for himself that he wants to do something, then we need to think about how we can try to direct a person in the right direction without emotional aggression.

And the first thing that helps us with this is questions.

Yes, this is an amazing thing that many people don’t use very often. The ability to ask correct and appropriate questions, the ability to build a dialogue so that a person answers them.

What is the advantage of asking questions? A correctly asked question is not emotionally aggressive. You are interested in the person’s opinion, and do not push your point of view onto him. This immediately calms the ego and removes protective barriers. Psychologically, a person relaxes, opens the gate, and is ready to receive information.

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Next, the one who asks questions in a conversation actually controls the conversation. That is, it may seem that the person who speaks more controls the conversation, but this is not the case. After all, it is questions that set the direction, show the path, and the one who speaks more follows the path you have built.

Then - questions activate a person's thinking. When you speak, your interlocutor is floating on his own wavelength and in his own thoughts. But when he is asked a question, he needs to react, he needs to build his argument based on the question, and do it quickly. The person turns on and begins to develop a thought. And becomes more active and involved.

What do the right questions do? If you ask questions in a certain sequence, step by step, then a person, answering them correctly, seems to be walking along a path.

He draws certain conclusions for himself and argues his point of view. And he can come to unexpected conclusions for himself.

The most important word here is himself. That is, this was not done by force or coercion, but you convince the person by the fact that he convinces himself. He himself pronounces the answer to the question, and he himself, reasoning logically, goes to the correct thought.

Persuasion is a real art

But theory is theory - and practice, of course, is very different. To convince a person that you are right, you need to have very cool skills and the ability to ask the right questions.

This is a proactive skill when the mind must work in such a fast mode in order to respond to the phrases of your interlocutor, adapt to his argumentation, his words - and issue the right questions at the right time.

Plus, you need to do this with the correct intonation, facial expressions and body languages. This is all very, very difficult and requires regular practice.

What other practices are there to persuade an interlocutor?

There is another good technique that can increase the chances that your interlocutor will take your side. And this, again, is not your confidence in your rightness, and the desire to convince.

This is the ability to mimic. What does it mean?

If you look at the greatest negotiators on earth, you will notice one very interesting feature that they all have in common. And this feature is that they are very “inconspicuous”.

That is, you look at a person and see that he does not have a bright color, harsh features, or defiant behavior. He's kind of a no-no. After meeting such a person, sometimes you feel like you don’t remember him, he’s so vague.

Why does this quality unite great negotiators? Because it allows you to change your shape and become like your interlocutor!

After all, each of us loves our own kind. If we speak loudly, then we will respect people who speak also loudly. If our speech is quiet, polite and sedate, then if a screamer appears on the horizon, he will irritate us. And if a person is of our type, then we will be on the same wavelength.

Therefore, great negotiators are those people who adapt to each interlocutor separately. They mimic like chameleons. They adopt facial expressions, gestures, behavior and tone of conversation of the interlocutor, resonating with him. This resonance allows them to win over the interlocutor, make contact, and reach the heart and soul.

And ultimately convince the person to do what the negotiator needs. Even if the person was in a different position and with a different point of view, he had confidence in his rightness.

A good negotiator can change this position.

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How can you persuade a person? This question is asked by many people who want to learn how to defend their point of view. Convincing your interlocutor of something can sometimes seem like an extremely difficult task that is incomparable with other efforts. The fact is that each individual has his own opinion on this or that issue. In order to be able to convey the necessary information to him, it is necessary to update the internal forces as much as possible. How to do it right? What work should be done? Let's try to understand this difficult issue.

Reflection technique

It is about instilling the maximum degree of trust in your opponent. This is the best way to gently and painlessly influence the situation. The reflection technique works in all cases when there is a desire to influence the situation. How to persuade a person?

You just need to try to speak his language. This is the best way to build trust in yourself. If you contrast your beliefs with your opponent, it is unlikely to lead to a satisfactory result. You must act carefully, trying not to go too far. All hypocrisy should be avoided, since it never leads to the desired goal.

To speak fast

The pace of speech also matters. This is not surprising, since people subconsciously take this point into account in conversations. If you speak quickly, without stretching out your sentences, the person will begin to listen more carefully to your words. Short, abrupt speech helps to increase concentration and has a positive effect on the individual.

If the subject of the conversation concerns some important things, then it becomes much easier to convince a person of something. Rapid speech forces a person to drop his thoughts and seriously concentrate on what is being said.

Soft questions

Having thought about how to properly persuade a person, decide to act unobtrusively. You can ask your interlocutor soft questions that will prepare your opponent for a certain decision. It is best to try not to get into your soul right away, but to learn about everything gradually. Questions that require an affirmative answer work very well.

Compliments

How to persuade a person to do something? It is necessary to praise his personal qualities. It is recommended to say pleasant words. This puts people at ease and allows the conversation to be directed in the right direction. In this case, there is no need to be embarrassed to pronounce words of praise: there are never too many of them. Compliments are necessary in order to get closer to the very essence of a person. If an individual lets you get so close, it means that, most likely, he will be able to be persuaded to take certain actions.

Any praise almost always works flawlessly. The main thing is that the words are spoken with the necessary sincerity. Falsity is felt immediately, and a wise person is unlikely to respond to it. Deception destroys any relationship and contributes to the formation of spiritual coldness and rejection. Everyone wants to feel important and self-sufficient. For this reason, you need to try to act gently and be patient.

Good mood

It is known that a smile disarms like nothing else. When we share part of our energy with people, we receive visible benefits in return. This is why it is so important to be able to maintain a good mood and be positive.

Try to control your own emotions, do not allow conflict situations to arise against the backdrop of rejection of certain points. How to persuade a person? It is necessary to sincerely smile at him, strive to demonstrate a kind disposition towards him. Only in this case will your opponent begin to trust you.

Useful stuff

When we do something good for our interlocutor, he begins to feel gratitude. A useful deed gives a person the grounds to start listening to your words. Feelings of gratitude help bring people closer together. And only then you can use this feeling to try to lead it to a certain decision. But first you should always try to give something important to your interlocutor. Only in this case will he listen to your words and, perhaps, change his mind.

Advantages of the offer

If there is an intention to lead an individual to some kind of decision, then it is necessary to show the positive aspects of cooperation. It is necessary to demonstrate all the benefits of the offer, so much so that it is impossible to refuse it. A person may agree only because he becomes interested in seeing the visible benefits. If a person does not find anything beneficial for himself, then he is unlikely to delve into the details at all.

Nice appearance

People always pay attention to this, although sometimes they try to pretend that they are not interested in appearance. Having thought about how to persuade a person, you need to take care of your appearance. No one likes to communicate with a slob in a greasy jacket. An attractive appearance is very attractive and helps build trust. Once the desired impression has been created, you can submit any information. Charm is of great importance; it literally attracts people to you.

Elderly people

How to persuade an elderly person? It is important to follow several rules here. Firstly, you should not try to force your position on them too actively. This will only cause rejection and further rejection. Secondly, you need to be prepared for failure.

Older people are quite suspicious and will not want to waste time on something that will not be useful to them in the long term. It is necessary to present the proposal in such a way that it seems not only correct, but also sounds quite noble. A person who has lived many years in the world is very sensitive to such concepts as honor and dignity. If you deceive him and do not keep his promise, he will completely stop trusting you.

Thus, in the question of how to persuade a person, you need to be careful and use common sense. It is necessary to act confidently and at the same time unobtrusively. The mood of the interlocutor and his willingness to accept proposals from you are of great importance.

Logic doesn't help prove you're right.

It is impossible to convince most people based on logical constructions. A typical conversation is like this:

Interlocutor 1: Agree that AAA.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that BBB follows from AAA.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that BBB.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that from BBB and BBB follows YGG.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: You see, we have proven YGG.

Interlocutor 2: No, you deceived me somewhere.

In many cases, people’s conviction of something is not based on logical chains. But certain beliefs are associated with a whole network of actions already taken and words spoken. Changing a belief means admitting that a considerable number of your previous steps were wrong. People generally don’t like to admit their mistakes, and they especially don’t like to do it publicly. It's easier to question the laws of logic.

It is impossible to argue in a dispute

If you want to convince someone, never argue with him. A dispute involves both sides expressing their positions. This is very bad. If a person has formulated and expressed his position, especially publicly, in front of other people, it will be very difficult to move him.

The public dispute stands apart. It could be a TV debate, or it could be an argument between two guys in the company of a lovely girl. The purpose of such a dispute is not at all to convince the opponent, but to make an impression. Then it is also necessary to choose arguments that are understandable and pleasant not to the opponent, but to the audience.

A person must convince himself, and you must help him

The most effective way of persuasion is to bring a person to the desired conclusion, so that he himself decides, and preferably publicly declares, the position you need. Then he will become the most ardent supporter of the idea, he will defend it and justify it more than you.

How to do it? There are two ways. One is honest, the other is not very, but effective.

The honest way is to ask questions, studying the views and dogmas of the interlocutor and gradually approaching the goal. A person must come to the right conclusion himself. This process can be very long. It is not immediately possible to find the basis on which the conviction will be built. Some ideas that seem obvious to you are simply unacceptable to other people. Often you have to make quite a few attempts, at first unsuccessful. If you see that the chosen tactics do not lead where you planned, stop the conversation, think about your questions at your leisure, and find a new path. By conducting such conversations, you will study your interlocutor well, and gradually you will definitely find the right words. This belief is a typical example of a project that requires thinking, planning, execution with periodic monitoring of the result and adjustment of the plan.

The most important thing is not to put pressure on the person. As soon as you see that the conversation is not working out, stop it, go into the shadows and prepare a new conversation. Under no circumstances should you start an argument. It is very important to keep an eye on this. Having lost control, you can very easily provoke your interlocutor to express an opinion opposite to yours, then the whole matter will fail.

Now about the not very honest method. It also requires studying your opponent. He works well with people who like to argue. First of all, you need to find a person to whom your opponent wants to show off. Next, involve the opponent in a dispute on an abstract topic in the presence of the found person. When the dispute reaches the desired intensity, express an opinion exactly opposite to the one you want to convince your opponent of. He will instinctively take and express the opposite position. After some time has passed, you need to return to the topic several times so that he again voices his supposed point of view to consolidate his conviction. He is yours, now he is the bearer of the desired idea.

Do I need to convince you?

Do we really want to convince a person? Why do we convince?

We want the person to do something. It is not always the case that in order for a person to do something useful to us, he must be convinced. He may have other motives than the belief that this must be done. There will be an article about this soon. If you are interested, Subscribe to the news so you don't miss out. In addition, a person will never do something that is not typical for him, no matter what steps you take. If he spent Saturdays all his life on the couch, then you can take him out into the forest for a walk once or twice, but it is very unlikely to have him go there every week. Set realistic goals.

We want to help a person make decisions correctly or we want to bring positions closer together in order to develop joint decisions. This is where you really need to work with beliefs. But if you really want to help a person, then be prepared to approach the problem with an open mind, consider it from different angles, and discuss it. As a result, perhaps you yourself will be convinced and understand that your interlocutor is right. If you are not ready for this from the very beginning, then you do not want to help the person at all, but are asserting yourself. I already wrote about this above.

Unfortunately, errors are periodically found in articles; they are corrected, articles are supplemented, developed, and new ones are prepared.

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Everyone at least once in their life communicated with a very stubborn and difficult interlocutor.

Everyone knows that the easiest way to resolve a dispute is to avoid it. However, sometimes the situation requires that you defend your point of view and convince the most stubborn interlocutor that you are right. The following 10 tips will help you do this.

1. Be careful and polite

First of all, do not play with the thin threads of a person’s pride: do not offend him, humiliate him or get personal, otherwise you will not prove anything to him and he will go into a defensive position of denying everything in the world (antagonism). And it is almost impossible to convince a person in such a state.

2. Strong arguments first

Speak the strongest and most compelling arguments for your position first. There is no need to start with the little things, release heavy artillery right away, and only then reinforce it with small infantry.

3. Earn trust

Try to increase your status and image: give reasons that you know this in practice, that you have been doing this for many years and have received concrete results or earned a lot of money from it.

4. Be smart

A powerful weapon is to say the following: “Yes, yes, this is exactly where you are right, this is a good idea, but this is where you are completely wrong...” When a person feels that his thoughts have been noticed, he can listen to yours.

5. Rude flattery

Praise the person! Compliments, and especially unexpected compliments, will surprise and delight everyone, and this is exactly what you need - to relax your opponent, reduce his control over the situation.

6. Sequence of consent

Rule of consistency: first tell the person what he agrees with (even if these are absolutely obvious things), and then your point of view. The likelihood of agreement in this case increases many times.

7. Steer the conversation away from dangerous topics

Avoid “sharp edges” and topics that can increase conflict, as well as topics that are a weak point for you.

If something like this comes up, urgently turn the conversation away from it, say: “We’re not talking about that now, but about...”, “this has nothing to do with the matter, it only has to do with the matter...”.

8. Notice every little detail

Watch a person's nonverbal behavior, it can reveal a lot. Nonverbal behavior is posture, gestures and facial expressions. If you notice that after some argument a person’s eye twitches, immediately continue to expand on this argument further and in great detail - this is your strongest argument and the person understands this and gets nervous.

9. People love benefits and benefits.

Convince the person that what you are telling him is very useful and even beneficial for him, and his position, on the contrary, will not bring him anything other than “just his position.”

10. Show unexpected consideration and respect

Listen carefully to your interlocutor, even if he annoys you: anyone will notice that you are attentive to him, and this will especially be noticed by someone who knows that despite the fact that you disagree with him, you are attentive to him. This way, you can stand out from other people with whom he has ever argued.

Good luck to you, because now we know for sure that using these tips, you will win any dispute!