Valery Vladimirovich Medvedev “Barankin, be a man! Medvedev Valery Vladimirovich. Barankin, be a man! The author of the story is Barankin, be a man

Valery MEDVEDEV

BARANKIN, BE HUMAN!

PART ONE

BARANKIN, TO THE BOARD!

EVENT ONE

Two deuces!

If Kostya Malinin and I had not managed to get two bad marks in geometry at the very beginning of the school year, then perhaps nothing so incredible and fantastic would have happened in our lives, but we got bad marks, and so the next day something happened to us something incredible, fantastic and even, one might say, supernatural!..

At recess, immediately after this unfortunate event, Zinka Fokina, the head of our class, came up to us and said: “Oh, Barankin and Malinin! Oh, what a shame! Shame on the whole school!” Then she gathered the girls around her and, apparently, began to form some kind of conspiracy against Kostya and me. The meeting continued throughout the break until the bell rang for the next lesson.

During this same time, Alik Novikov, a special photojournalist for our wall newspaper, took a photograph of Kostya and me with the words: “The deuce is galloping! The deuce is rushing!”, stuck our faces to the newspaper, in the “Humor and Satire” section.

After this, Era Kuzyakina, the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, looked at us with a destroying look and hissed: “Oh, you! They ruined such a newspaper!”

The newspaper, which, according to Kuzyakina, Kostya and I ruined, looked really beautiful. It was all painted with multi-colored paints, in the most visible place from edge to edge there was a slogan written in bright letters: “Study only for “good” and “excellent”! »

To be honest, our gloomy faces of typical losers really somehow did not fit in with her elegant and festive appearance. I couldn’t even stand it and sent Kuzyakina a note with the following content:

“Kuzyakina! I propose to remove our cards so that the newspaper will be beautiful again!”

I underlined the word “beautiful” with two bold lines, but Erka just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t even look in my direction...

EVENT TWO

They don’t even let me come to my senses...

As soon as the bell rang from the last lesson, all the guys rushed to the doors in a crowd. I was about to push the door with my shoulder, but Erka Kuzyakina somehow managed to get in my way.

Don't disperse! Don't disperse! There will be a general meeting! - she shouted and added in a malicious tone:

Dedicated to Barankin and Malinin!

And it’s not a meeting,” Zinka Fokina shouted, “but a conversation!” A very serious conversation!.. Take your seats!..

What started here! All the guys began to be indignant, slam their desks, scold Kostya and me and shout that they would never stay. Kostya and I screamed, of course, the most. What kind of order is this? You don’t have time, one might say, to get a bad grade, and you’re immediately faced with a general meeting, well, not a meeting, but a “serious conversation”... It’s still unknown which is worse. This was not the case last school year. That is, Kostya and I had two grades last year too, but no one started a fire out of it. They worked it out, of course, but not like that, not right away... They let me, as they say, come to my senses... While such thoughts were flashing through my head, the head of our class, Fokina, and the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, Kuzyakina, managed to “suppress the rebellion” and forced all the guys to sit down in their seats. When the noise gradually died down and there was relative silence in the class, Zinka Fokina immediately began a meeting, that is, a “serious conversation” dedicated to me and my best friend Kostya Malinin.

It is, of course, very unpleasant for me to remember what Zinka Fokina and the rest of our comrades said about Kostya and me at that meeting, and, despite this, I will tell everything as it really happened, without distorting a single word and without adding anything Push…

EVENT THREE

How does opera work...

When everyone was seated and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:

Oh guys! This is just some kind of misfortune! The new academic year has not yet begun, but Barankin and Malinin have already received two bad marks!..

A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual shouts, of course, could be heard.

In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of a wall newspaper! (Era Kuzyakina said this.) - And they also gave their word that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unlucky drones! Last year they were babysat, and all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call your parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only they disgrace our class! (Irka Pukhova.) - We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you are! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that’s it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) “Okay, Erka, I’ll remember this phrase for you.”

After these words, everyone screamed in one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who was thinking about us and what, although from individual words one could understand that Kostya Malinin and I were idiots, parasites, drones! Once again blockheads, loafers, selfish people! And so on! Etc!..

What angered me and Kostya the most was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow would moo, as they say, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than Kostya and I. That's why I couldn't stand it and screamed too.

Red,” I shouted at Venka Smirnov, “why are you yelling louder than everyone else?” If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a two, but a one! So shut up and shut up.

“Oh, Barankin,” Venka Smirnov yelled at me, “I’m not against you, I’m yelling for you!” What do I want to say, guys!.. I say: after the holidays you can’t immediately call him to the board. We need to first come to our senses after the holidays...

Smirnov! - Zinka Fokina shouted at Venka.

And in general,” Venka continued to shout at the whole class, “I propose that during the first month no one is asked any questions and not called to the board at all!”

“So you shout these words separately,” I shouted to Venka, “and not with everyone together!”

Oh, be quiet, guys,” said Fokina, “shut up!” Let Barankin speak!

What to say? - I said. “It’s not Kostya’s and my fault that Mikhail Mikhalych called us to the board first this school year. I would first ask one of the excellent students, for example Mishka Yakovlev, and everything would start with an A...

Everyone began to make noise and laugh, and Fokina said:

You better not make jokes, Barankin, but take the example of Misha Yakovlev.

Just think, an example is a minister! - I said not very loudly, but so that everyone could hear.

The guys laughed again. Zinka Fokina began to howl, and Erka shook her head like a big girl and said:

Barankin! You better tell me when you and Malinin will correct your deuces?

Malinin! - I told Kostya. - Explain...

Why are you yelling? - said Malinin. - We will correct the deuces...

Yura, when will we correct the deuces? - Kostya Malinin asked me.

And you, Malinin, don’t have your own head on your shoulders? - Kuzyakina shouted.

“We’ll fix it in a quarter,” I said in a firm voice to bring final clarity to this issue.

Guys! What does this mean? This means that our class must endure these unfortunate twos for the entire quarter!

Barankin! - said Zinka Fokina. - The class decided that you will correct your grades tomorrow!

Excuse me, please! - I was indignant. - Tomorrow is Sunday!

No problem, get some exercise! (Misha Yakovlev.) - Serves them right! (Alik Novikov.) - Tie them to their desks with ropes! (Erka Kuzyakina.) - What if Kostya and I don’t understand the solution to the problem? (I already said this.) - And I’ll explain to you! (Misha Yakovlev.) Kostya and I looked at each other and said nothing.

Silent means consent! - said Zinka Fokina. - So, we agreed on Sunday! In the morning you will study with Yakovlev, and then come to the school garden - we will plant trees!

Physical labor, said the editor-in-chief of our wall newspaper, is the best rest after mental work.

This is what happens, - I said, - it means, like in an opera, it turns out... “No sleep, no rest for the tormented soul!..”

Alik! - said the head of our class. - Make sure they don't run away!..

They won't run away! - said Alik. - Make a cheerful face! My conversation is short! If something happens... - Alik pointed the camera at Kostya and me. - And the signature...

EVENT FOUR

(Very important!)

What if I'm tired of being human?!

The guys left the class talking, but Kostya and I still continued to sit at our desks and remain silent. To be honest, both of us were simply, as they say, dumbfounded. I have already said that before we also had to get deuces, and more than once, but never before have our guys taken Kostya and me at the very beginning of the year in such a turn as this Saturday.

Current page: 1 (book has 8 pages in total)

Valery MEDVEDEV

BARANKIN, BE HUMAN!

PART ONE

BARANKIN, TO THE BOARD!

EVENT ONE

Two deuces!

If Kostya Malinin and I had not managed to get two bad marks in geometry at the very beginning of the school year, then perhaps nothing so incredible and fantastic would have happened in our lives, but we got bad marks, and so the next day something happened to us something incredible, fantastic and even, one might say, supernatural!..

At recess, immediately after this unfortunate event, Zinka Fokina, the head of our class, came up to us and said: “Oh, Barankin and Malinin! Oh, what a shame! Shame on the whole school!” Then she gathered the girls around her and, apparently, began to form some kind of conspiracy against Kostya and me. The meeting continued throughout the break until the bell rang for the next lesson.

During this same time, Alik Novikov, a special photojournalist for our wall newspaper, took a photograph of Kostya and me with the words: “The deuce is galloping! The deuce is rushing!”, stuck our faces to the newspaper, in the “Humor and Satire” section.

After this, Era Kuzyakina, the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, looked at us with a destroying look and hissed: “Oh, you! They ruined such a newspaper!”

The newspaper, which, according to Kuzyakina, Kostya and I ruined, looked really beautiful. It was all painted with multi-colored paints, in the most visible place from edge to edge there was a slogan written in bright letters: “Study only for “good” and “excellent”! »

To be honest, our gloomy faces of typical losers really somehow did not fit in with her elegant and festive appearance. I couldn’t even stand it and sent Kuzyakina a note with the following content:

“Kuzyakina! I propose to remove our cards so that the newspaper will be beautiful again!”

I underlined the word “beautiful” with two bold lines, but Erka just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t even look in my direction...

EVENT TWO

They don’t even let me come to my senses...

As soon as the bell rang from the last lesson, all the guys rushed to the doors in a crowd. I was about to push the door with my shoulder, but Erka Kuzyakina somehow managed to get in my way.

- Don't disperse! Don't disperse! There will be a general meeting! – she shouted and added in a malicious tone:

– Dedicated to Barankin and Malinin!

“And it’s not a meeting,” Zinka Fokina shouted, “but a conversation!” A very serious conversation!.. Take your seats!..

What started here! All the guys began to be indignant, slam their desks, scold Kostya and me and shout that they would never stay. Kostya and I screamed, of course, the most. What kind of order is this? Before you had time, one might say, to get a bad grade, you’re immediately faced with a general meeting, well, not a meeting, but a “serious conversation”... It’s still unknown which is worse. This was not the case last school year. That is, Kostya and I had two grades last year too, but no one started a fire out of it. They worked it out, of course, but not like that, not right away... They let me, as they say, come to my senses... While such thoughts were flashing through my head, the head of our class, Fokina, and the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, Kuzyakina, managed to “suppress the rebellion” and forced all the guys to sit down in their seats. When the noise gradually died down and there was relative silence in the class, Zinka Fokina immediately began a meeting, that is, a “serious conversation” dedicated to me and my best friend Kostya Malinin.

It is, of course, very unpleasant for me to remember what Zinka Fokina and the rest of our comrades said about Kostya and me at that meeting, and, despite this, I will tell everything as it really happened, without distorting a single word and without adding anything Push…

EVENT THREE

How does opera work...

When everyone was seated and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:

- Oh, guys! This is just some kind of misfortune! The new academic year has not yet begun, but Barankin and Malinin have already received two bad marks!..

A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual shouts, of course, could be heard.

– In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of a wall newspaper! (Era Kuzyakina said this.) - And they also gave their word that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unlucky drones! Last year they were babysat, and all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call your parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only they disgrace our class! (Irka Pukhova.) – We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you go! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that’s it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) “Okay, Erka, I’ll remember this phrase for you.”

After these words, everyone screamed in one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who was thinking about us and what, although from individual words one could understand that Kostya Malinin and I were idiots, parasites, drones! Once again blockheads, loafers, selfish people! And so on! Etc!..

What angered me and Kostya the most was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow would moo, as they say, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than Kostya and I. That's why I couldn't stand it and screamed too.

“Red,” I shouted at Venka Smirnov, “why are you yelling louder than everyone else?” If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a two, but a one! So shut up and shut up.

“Oh, Barankin,” Venka Smirnov yelled at me, “I’m not against you, I’m yelling for you!” What do I want to say, guys!.. I say: after the holidays you can’t immediately call him to the board. We need to first come to our senses after the holidays...

- Smirnov! – Zinka Fokina shouted at Venka.

“And in general,” Venka continued to shout at the whole class, “I propose that during the first month no one is asked any questions and not called to the board at all!”

“So you shout these words separately,” I shouted to Venka, “and not with everyone together!”

“Oh, be quiet, guys,” said Fokina, “shut up!” Let Barankin speak!

- What to say? - I said. “It’s not Kostya’s and my fault that Mikhail Mikhalych called us to the board first this school year. I would first ask one of the excellent students, for example Mishka Yakovlev, and everything would start with an A...

Everyone began to make noise and laugh, and Fokina said:

“You better not make jokes, Barankin, but take the example of Misha Yakovlev.”

- Just think, an example minister! – I said not very loudly, but so that everyone could hear.

The guys laughed again. Zinka Fokina began to howl, and Erka shook her head like a big girl and said:

- Barankin! You better tell me when you and Malinin will correct your deuces?

- Malinin! – I told Kostya. - Explain...

– Why are you yelling? - said Malinin. – We’ll correct the deuces...

- Yura, when will we correct the bad grades? – Kostya Malinin asked me.

- And you, Malinin, don’t have your own head on your shoulders? – Kuzyakina shouted.

“We’ll fix it in a quarter,” I said in a firm voice, in order to bring final clarity to this issue.

- Guys! What does this mean? This means that our class must endure these unfortunate twos for the entire quarter!

- Barankin! – said Zinka Fokina. – The class has decided that you will correct your grades tomorrow!

- Excuse me, please! – I was indignant. - Tomorrow is Sunday!

- Nothing, work out! (Misha Yakovlev.) - Serves them right! (Alik Novikov.) - Tie them to their desks with ropes! (Erka Kuzyakina.) – What if Kostya and I don’t understand the solution to the problem? (I already said this.) - And I’ll explain it to you! (Misha Yakovlev.) Kostya and I looked at each other and said nothing.

- Silent means consent! – said Zinka Fokina. - So, we agreed on Sunday! In the morning you will study with Yakovlev, and then come to the school garden - we will plant trees!

“Physical labor,” said the editor-in-chief of our wall newspaper, “is the best rest after mental work.”

“This is what happens,” I said, “it means, like in an opera, it turns out... “No sleep, no rest for the tormented soul!..”

- Alik! - said the head of our class. - Make sure they don't run away!..

- They won’t run away! - said Alik. - Make a cheerful face! My conversation is short! If something happens...” Alik pointed the camera at Kostya and me. - And the signature...

EVENT FOUR

(Very important!)

What if I'm tired of being human?!

The guys left the class talking, but Kostya and I still continued to sit at our desks and remain silent. To be honest, both of us were simply, as they say, dumbfounded. I have already said that before we also had to get deuces, and more than once, but never before have our guys taken Kostya and me at the very beginning of the year in such a turn as this Saturday.

- Yura! – said Zinka Fokina. (That’s strange! Previously, she always called me only by my last name.) - Yura... Be human!.. Correct the deuce tomorrow! Will you fix it?

She spoke to me as if we were all alone in the class. As if my best friend Kostya Malinin was not sitting next to me.

- Will you fix it? – she quietly repeated her question.

Fokina(indignantly). It is absolutely impossible to talk to you like a human being!

I(coldly). Well, don't talk!

Fokina(even more indignant). And I will not!

I(even more cold-blooded). And you're talking yourself!..

Fokina(a thousand times more indignant). Because I want you to become a human!

“And if I’m tired of being a human, then what?..” I shouted indignantly at Fokina.

- Well, Barankin! You know, Barankin!.. That’s it, Barankin!.. - said Fokina and left the class.

And again I remained sitting at my desk, sitting silently and thinking about how truly tired I am of being a human...” I’m already tired... And there’s still a whole human life ahead and such a hard school year... And tomorrow there’s still such a hard Sunday!...

EVENT FIVE

They still hand over the shovels... And Mishka is about to appear

And now this Sunday has arrived! On my dad's calendar, the number and letters are painted in cheerful pink paint. All the guys from our house are having a holiday. Some are going to the cinema, some to football, some to do their personal business, and Kostya and I are sitting in the yard on a bench and waiting for Mishka Yakovlev to start studying with him.

Studying on weekdays is also a little pleasure, but studying on the weekend, when everyone is resting, is just pure torture. As luck would have it, the weather is wonderful outside. There is not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is as warm as summer.

In the morning, when I woke up and looked outside, the whole sky was in clouds. The wind whistled outside the window and tore yellow leaves from the trees.

I was delighted. I thought it would hail like a pigeon’s egg, Mishka would be afraid to go outside, and our classes would not take place. If not hail, then maybe the wind will blow snow or rain. A bear with his character, of course, will drag himself into the snow and rain, but in the slush it will not be so offensive to sit at home and pore over textbooks. While I was making different plans in my head, everything turned out the other way around. The clouds first turned into clouds, and then completely disappeared. And by the time Kostya Malinin arrived, the weather had generally cleared up, and now there was sunshine and a clear, clear sky outside. And the air doesn't move. Quiet. It’s so quiet that yellow leaves have even stopped falling from the birch tree under which Kostya and I are sitting.

- Hey you, boletus mushrooms! – Mom’s voice came from the window of our apartment. – Will you go to study in the end or not?

She asked us this question for the fifth or sixth time.

- We are waiting for Yakovlev!

– Isn’t it possible to start without Yakovlev?

But Mishka was still not there. Instead, Alik Novikov loomed behind the gate, constantly poking out from behind a tree. It was, as always, covered with cameras and all sorts of photographic accessories. I, of course, could not look calmly at this spy and therefore looked away to the side.

- It's called Sunday! – I said, gritting my teeth.

At this time, Zinka Fokina approached Alik; she carried four shovels on her shoulder, some kind of cardboard box was clutched under her arm, and in her left hand she had a butterfly net.

Alik took a photo of Zinka with shovels on her shoulder, and they headed towards us together. I thought that Alik would now shoulder the shovels on his shoulders, but for some reason this did not happen. Zinka Fokina continued to drag all four shovels, and Alik continued to hold on to the camera, which hung on his neck, with both hands.

“Hey, photographer,” I said to Alik when he and Zinka approached the bench. – It seems these shovels are too much for you, Your Manifestation!

“But they will be up to you and Kostya,” said Alik Novikov, not at all embarrassed, pointing the device at Kostya and me. – And the signature: head of class 3. Fokina solemnly presents household equipment to her compatriots...

Zinka Fokina leaned her shovels against the seat of the bench, and Alik Novikov clicked the camera.

“Yes,” I said, carefully examining the shovels. – How does it turn out in the magazine “Koster”...

- What else does this mean? – Fokina asked me.

“A mysterious picture,” I explained.

“I understand,” said Alik, “where is the handle of this shovel?”

“No,” I told Alik. - Where is the boy who will work with this shovel?..

- Barankin! – Zinka Fokina was indignant. “Aren’t you going to make the school green today?”

- Why am I not going to? – I answered Zinke. - I’m going to get ready... It’s just unknown how long it will take me to get ready...

- Barankin, be human! – said Zinka Fokina. – After classes with Misha Yakovlev, immediately come to the school garden!

* * *

She wanted to tell Kostya and me something else, but changed her mind, turned and, with a shovel on her shoulder, silently walked towards the school.

Alik Novikov again took up his post at the gate behind the tree. Kostya became even more gloomy and stared at the shovels; he looked at them as if hypnotized, and I did the opposite; I tried not to pay any attention to this “inventory”. Trying my best to appear cheerful, I began to look at the trees, not even realizing that there was very little time left before the incredible, fantastic and, one might say, supernatural events that would unfold in our yard...

EVENT SIX

Seven days off in a week – that’s what captured my imagination!

Sparrows chirped loudly in the bushes. In cheerful groups, they continually fell from the branches, flying from tree to tree; as they flew, their flocks either compressed or stretched. It looked as if all the sparrows were connected to each other by rubber threads.

Right in front of my nose, some kind of midge was flying carefree in the air. Butterflies fluttered over the flowerbed. There were black ants running around on the bench where Kostya and I were sitting. One ant even climbed onto my knee and began to bask in the sun.

“This is someone who probably has Sunday every day!” – I thought, looking at the sparrows with envy. Without taking my eyes off the acacia tree, I began, probably for the two hundred and fiftieth time, to compare my life and the life of sparrows and came to a very sad conclusion. It was enough to look once to be convinced that the life of birds and various insects was carefree and simply wonderful; none of them waited for anyone, no one learned anything, no one was sent anywhere, no one was lectured, no one was handed shovels... Everyone lived on their own and did whatever they wanted. And so all my life! All days are painted pink! All the time is a holiday! Seven days a week - and all Sundays! But Malinin and I have one day off every seven days, and is that really a day off? Yes, just one name. It would be nice to live at least one day like these happy ants, or sparrows, or butterflies live, just so as not to hear these verbs that rain down on your unfortunate head from morning to evening: wake up, get dressed, go, fetch, take it, buy it, sweep it, help it, teach it! It's not any easier at school either. As soon as I appear in class, all I hear from Zinka Fokina:

“Oh, Barankin, be a man! Don’t fidget, don’t cheat, don’t be rude, don’t be late!..” And so on, and so on...

Be a person at school!

Be a man on the street!

Be a person at home!

When can you rest?!

And where can I find time to relax? Of course, you can still find a little free time, but where can you find a place to relax so that absolutely no one bothers you to do whatever your heart desires? And here I came up with that incredible idea that I had been harboring in my head for a long time, secretly from everyone. What if you take it and try to create it! Implement it today! Now! There may never be a more suitable moment, and perhaps there will never be a more suitable situation and mood!.. First you need to tell Kostya Malinin about everything. Or maybe it’s not worth it?.. No, it’s worth it! I'll tell you! And whatever happens there!

- Malinin! – I said in a whisper. “Listen to me, Malinin!..” I almost suffocated from excitement. - Listen!

Of course, if I didn’t have to study on this day off, and then also work in the school garden, then I, perhaps, would never have shared my incredible and unheard-of idea with Kostya, but the deuce that was in my diary, and the shovel leaning against me with its handle overflowed, as they say, the cup of my patience, and I decided to act.

EVENT SEVEN

The only instruction in the world

I looked again at the windows of our apartment, at the sky, at Vorobyov, at the gate from which Mishka Yakovlev was about to appear, and said in a truly excited voice:

- Kostya! Do you know what my mom says?!

- What? – asked Kostya.

“My mother claims,” said L, “that if you really want, even a snub nose can turn into an eagle!”

- In the eagle? - asked Kostya Malinin and, not understanding why I was saying this, he stared at the wall of our house, on which was written in chalk:

...

UNHAPPY BARANKIN FANTASER!!!

- To the eagle! – I confirmed. – But only if you really want to.

Malinin took his eyes off the fence and looked at my nose incredulously.

My profile was the complete opposite of an eagle's. I had a snub nose. As my mother puts it, I have such a snub nose that through the holes of my upturned nose you can see what I’m thinking about.

- So why are you walking around with such a nose if it can turn into an aquiline nose? – asked Kostya Malinin.

- I’m not talking about the nose, fools!

- What about? – Kostya still didn’t understand.

- And about the fact that if you really want, it means you can turn from a person, for example, into a sparrow...

– Why do we need to turn, for example, into sparrows? – asked Kostya Malinin, looking at me as if I were crazy.

- What do you mean why? Let's turn into sparrows and spend at least one Sunday like humans!

- How is this human? – asked the stunned Malinin.

“Humanly means truly,” I explained. – Let’s give ourselves a real day off and take a proper rest from this arithmetic, from Mishka Yakovlev... let’s take a rest from everything in the world. Of course, if you are not tired of being a human, then you don’t have to transform - sit and wait for Mishka...

- How do you mean you’re not tired? I'm really tired of being human! - said Kostya. – Maybe I’m more tired than you!..

- Here you go! This is so comradely!

And with even greater passion I began to describe to Kostya Malinin the life, without any worries and hassle, that, in my opinion, awaited us if we had somehow managed to turn into sparrows.

- That's great! - said Kostya.

- Of course, great! - I said.

- Wait! - said Kostya. - How are you and I going to transform? What system?

– Haven’t you read in fairy tales: “Ivanushka hit the ground and turned into a fast-winged eagle... He hit the ground again and turned...”?

“Listen, Yurka,” Kostya Malinin told me, “is it necessary to hit the ground?”

“You don’t have to knock,” I said, “you can do it with the help of a real desire and magic words...

– Where can you and I get the magic words? From an old fairy tale, or what?

- Why - from a fairy tale? I came up with it myself. Here... - I handed Kostya a notebook, a notebook that no one had ever seen in the world except me. - Everything is written here...

- “How to transform from a person into a sparrow according to the Barankin system. Instructions,” Kostya read the inscription on the cover of the notebook in a hissing whisper and turned the first page...

Valery MEDVEDEV

BARANKIN, BE HUMAN!

PART ONE

BARANKIN, TO THE BOARD!

EVENT ONE

Two deuces!

If Kostya Malinin and I had not managed to get two bad marks in geometry at the very beginning of the school year, then perhaps nothing so incredible and fantastic would have happened in our lives, but we got bad marks, and so the next day something happened to us something incredible, fantastic and even, one might say, supernatural!..

At recess, immediately after this unfortunate event, Zinka Fokina, the head of our class, came up to us and said: “Oh, Barankin and Malinin! Oh, what a shame! Shame on the whole school!” Then she gathered the girls around her and, apparently, began to form some kind of conspiracy against Kostya and me. The meeting continued throughout the break until the bell rang for the next lesson.

During this same time, Alik Novikov, a special photojournalist for our wall newspaper, took a photograph of Kostya and me with the words: “The deuce is galloping! The deuce is rushing!”, stuck our faces to the newspaper, in the “Humor and Satire” section.

After this, Era Kuzyakina, the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, looked at us with a destroying look and hissed: “Oh, you! They ruined such a newspaper!”

The newspaper, which, according to Kuzyakina, Kostya and I ruined, looked really beautiful. It was all painted with multi-colored paints, in the most visible place from edge to edge there was a slogan written in bright letters: “Study only for “good” and “excellent”! »

To be honest, our gloomy faces of typical losers really somehow did not fit in with her elegant and festive appearance. I couldn’t even stand it and sent Kuzyakina a note with the following content:

“Kuzyakina! I propose to remove our cards so that the newspaper will be beautiful again!”

I underlined the word “beautiful” with two bold lines, but Erka just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t even look in my direction...

EVENT TWO

They don’t even let me come to my senses...

As soon as the bell rang from the last lesson, all the guys rushed to the doors in a crowd. I was about to push the door with my shoulder, but Erka Kuzyakina somehow managed to get in my way.

Don't disperse! Don't disperse! There will be a general meeting! - she shouted and added in a malicious tone:

Dedicated to Barankin and Malinin!

And it’s not a meeting,” Zinka Fokina shouted, “but a conversation!” A very serious conversation!.. Take your seats!..

What started here! All the guys began to be indignant, slam their desks, scold Kostya and me and shout that they would never stay. Kostya and I screamed, of course, the most. What kind of order is this? You don’t have time, one might say, to get a bad grade, and you’re immediately faced with a general meeting, well, not a meeting, but a “serious conversation”... It’s still unknown which is worse. This was not the case last school year. That is, Kostya and I had two grades last year too, but no one started a fire out of it. They worked it out, of course, but not like that, not right away... They let me, as they say, come to my senses... While such thoughts were flashing through my head, the head of our class, Fokina, and the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, Kuzyakina, managed to “suppress the rebellion” and forced all the guys to sit down in their seats. When the noise gradually died down and there was relative silence in the class, Zinka Fokina immediately began a meeting, that is, a “serious conversation” dedicated to me and my best friend Kostya Malinin.

It is, of course, very unpleasant for me to remember what Zinka Fokina and the rest of our comrades said about Kostya and me at that meeting, and, despite this, I will tell everything as it really happened, without distorting a single word and without adding anything Push…

EVENT THREE

How does opera work...

When everyone was seated and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:

Oh guys! This is just some kind of misfortune! The new academic year has not yet begun, but Barankin and Malinin have already received two bad marks!..

A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual shouts, of course, could be heard.

In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of a wall newspaper! (Era Kuzyakina said this.) - And they also gave their word that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unlucky drones! Last year they were babysat, and all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call your parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only they disgrace our class! (Irka Pukhova.) - We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you are! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that’s it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) “Okay, Erka, I’ll remember this phrase for you.”

After these words, everyone screamed in one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who was thinking about us and what, although from individual words one could understand that Kostya Malinin and I were idiots, parasites, drones! Once again blockheads, loafers, selfish people! And so on! Etc!..

What angered me and Kostya the most was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow would moo, as they say, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than Kostya and I. That's why I couldn't stand it and screamed too.

Red,” I shouted at Venka Smirnov, “why are you yelling louder than everyone else?” If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a two, but a one! So shut up and shut up.

“Oh, Barankin,” Venka Smirnov yelled at me, “I’m not against you, I’m yelling for you!” What do I want to say, guys!.. I say: after the holidays you can’t immediately call him to the board. We need to first come to our senses after the holidays...

Smirnov! - Zinka Fokina shouted at Venka.

And in general,” Venka continued to shout at the whole class, “I propose that during the first month no one is asked any questions and not called to the board at all!”

“So you shout these words separately,” I shouted to Venka, “and not with everyone together!”

Oh, be quiet, guys,” said Fokina, “shut up!” Let Barankin speak!

What to say? - I said. “It’s not Kostya’s and my fault that Mikhail Mikhalych called us to the board first this school year. I would first ask one of the excellent students, for example Mishka Yakovlev, and everything would start with an A...

Everyone began to make noise and laugh, and Fokina said:

You better not make jokes, Barankin, but take the example of Misha Yakovlev.

Just think, an example is a minister! - I said not very loudly, but so that everyone could hear.

Barankin, be a man (with illustrations)
Valery Vladimirovich Medvedev

Tired of being human! You can’t get bad grades at school, you can’t skip classes, you can’t fight. But what is possible?! Always learn your lessons, be exemplary, be hardworking...

How boring!

“Let's try to turn into some birds or insects! Let’s live for our own pleasure!” - decided schoolchildren Yura Barankin and Kostya Malinin.

And do you think these boys have a good life? You will find the answer in the book in front of you.

Valery MEDVEDEV

BARANKIN, BE HUMAN!

PART ONE

BARANKIN, TO THE BOARD!

EVENT ONE

Two deuces!

If Kostya Malinin and I had not managed to get two bad marks in geometry at the very beginning of the school year, then perhaps nothing so incredible and fantastic would have happened in our lives, but we got bad marks, and so the next day something happened to us something incredible, fantastic and even, one might say, supernatural!..

At recess, immediately after this unfortunate event, Zinka Fokina, the head of our class, came up to us and said: “Oh, Barankin and Malinin! Oh, what a shame! Shame on the whole school!” Then she gathered the girls around her and, apparently, began to form some kind of conspiracy against Kostya and me. The meeting continued throughout the break until the bell rang for the next lesson.

During this same time, Alik Novikov, a special photojournalist for our wall newspaper, took a photograph of Kostya and me with the words: “The deuce is galloping! The deuce is rushing!”, stuck our faces to the newspaper, in the “Humor and Satire” section.

After this, Era Kuzyakina, the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, looked at us with a destroying look and hissed: “Oh, you! They ruined such a newspaper!”

The newspaper, which, according to Kuzyakina, Kostya and I ruined, looked really beautiful. It was all painted with multi-colored paints, in the most visible place from edge to edge there was a slogan written in bright letters: “Study only for “good” and “excellent”! »

To be honest, our gloomy faces of typical losers really somehow did not fit in with her elegant and festive appearance. I couldn’t even stand it and sent Kuzyakina a note with the following content:

“Kuzyakina! I propose to remove our cards so that the newspaper will be beautiful again!”

I underlined the word “beautiful” with two bold lines, but Erka just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t even look in my direction...

EVENT TWO

They don’t even let me come to my senses...

As soon as the bell rang from the last lesson, all the guys rushed to the doors in a crowd. I was about to push the door with my shoulder, but Erka Kuzyakina somehow managed to get in my way.

Don't disperse! Don't disperse! There will be a general meeting! - she shouted and added in a malicious tone:

Dedicated to Barankin and Malinin!

And it’s not a meeting,” Zinka Fokina shouted, “but a conversation!” A very serious conversation!.. Take your seats!..

What started here! All the guys began to be indignant, slam their desks, scold Kostya and me and shout that they would never stay. Kostya and I screamed, of course, the most. What kind of order is this? You don’t have time, one might say, to get a bad grade, and you’re immediately faced with a general meeting, well, not a meeting, but a “serious conversation”... It’s still unknown which is worse. This was not the case last school year. That is, Kostya and I had two grades last year too, but no one started a fire out of it. They worked it out, of course, but not like that, not right away... They let me, as they say, come to my senses... While such thoughts were flashing through my head, the head of our class, Fokina, and the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, Kuzyakina, managed to “suppress the rebellion” and forced all the guys to sit down in their seats. When the noise gradually died down and there was relative silence in the class, Zinka Fokina immediately began a meeting, that is, a “serious conversation” dedicated to me and my best friend Kostya Malinin.

It is, of course, very unpleasant for me to remember what Zinka Fokina and the rest of our comrades said about Kostya and me at that meeting, and, despite this, I will tell everything as it really happened, without distorting a single word and without adding anything Push…

EVENT THREE

How does opera work...

When everyone was seated and there was silence in the class, Zinka Fokina shouted:

Oh guys! This is just some kind of misfortune! The new academic year has not yet begun, but Barankin and Malinin have already received two bad marks!..

A terrible noise immediately arose in the classroom again, but individual shouts, of course, could be heard.

In such conditions, I refuse to be the editor-in-chief of a wall newspaper! (Era Kuzyakina said this.) - And they also gave their word that they would improve! (Mishka Yakovlev.) - Unlucky drones! Last year they were babysat, and all over again! (Alik Novikov.) - Call your parents! (Nina Semyonova.) - Only they disgrace our class! (Irka Pukhova.) - We decided to do everything “good” and “excellent”, and here you are! (Ella Sinitsyna.) - Shame on Barankin and Malinin!! (Ninka and Irka together.) - Yes, kick them out of our school, and that’s it!!! (Erka Kuzyakina.) “Okay, Erka, I’ll remember this phrase for you.”

After these words, everyone screamed in one voice, so loudly that it was completely impossible for Kostya and me to make out who was thinking about us and what, although from individual words one could understand that Kostya Malinin and I were idiots, parasites, drones! Once again blockheads, loafers, selfish people! And so on! Etc!..

What angered me and Kostya the most was that Venka Smirnov was yelling the loudest. Whose cow would moo, as they say, but his would be silent. This Venka's performance last year was even worse than Kostya and I. That's why I couldn't stand it and screamed too.

Red,” I shouted at Venka Smirnov, “why are you yelling louder than everyone else?” If you were the first to be called to the board, you would not get a two, but a one! So shut up and shut up.

“Oh, Barankin,” Venka Smirnov yelled at me, “I’m not against you, I’m yelling for you!” What do I want to say, guys!.. I say: after the holidays you can’t immediately call him to the board. We need to first come to our senses after the holidays...

Smirnov! - Zinka Fokina shouted at Venka.

And in general,” Venka continued to shout at the whole class, “I propose that during the first month no one is asked any questions and not called to the board at all!”

“So you shout these words separately,” I shouted to Venka, “and not with everyone together!”

Oh, be quiet, guys,” said Fokina, “shut up!” Let Barankin speak!

What to say? - I said. “It’s not Kostya’s and my fault that Mikhail Mikhalych called us to the board first this school year. I would first ask one of the excellent students, for example Mishka Yakovlev, and everything would start with an A...

Everyone began to make noise and laugh, and Fokina said:

You better not make jokes, Barankin, but take the example of Misha Yakovlev.

Just think, an example is a minister! - I said not very loudly, but so that everyone could hear.

The guys laughed again. Zinka Fokina began to howl, and Erka shook her head like a big girl and said:

Barankin! You better tell me when you and Malinin will correct your deuces?

Malinin! - I told Kostya. - Explain...

Why are you yelling? - said Malinin. - We will correct the deuces...

Yura, when will we correct the deuces? - Kostya Malinin asked me.

And you, Malinin, don’t have your own head on your shoulders? - Kuzyakina shouted.

“We’ll fix it in a quarter,” I said in a firm voice to bring final clarity to this issue.

Guys! What does this mean? This means that our class must endure these unfortunate twos for the entire quarter!

Barankin! - said Zinka Fokina. - The class decided that you will correct your grades tomorrow!

Excuse me, please! - I was indignant. - Tomorrow is Sunday!

No problem, get some exercise! (Misha Yakovlev.) - Serves them right! (Alik Novikov.) - Tie them to their desks with ropes! (Erka Kuzyakina.) - What if Kostya and I don’t understand the solution to the problem? (I already said this.) - And I’ll explain to you! (Misha Yakovlev.) Kostya and I looked at each other and said nothing.

Silent means consent! - said Zinka Fokina. - So, we agreed on Sunday! In the morning you will study with Yakovlev, and then come to the school garden - we will plant trees!

Physical labor, said the editor-in-chief of our wall newspaper, is the best rest after mental work.

This is what happens, - I said, - it means, like in an opera, it turns out... “No sleep, no rest for the tormented soul!..”

Alik! - said the head of our class. - Make sure they don't run away!..

They won't run away! - said Alik. - Make a cheerful face! My conversation is short! If something happens... - Alik pointed the camera at Kostya and me. - And the signature...

EVENT FOUR

(Very important!)

What if I'm tired of being human?!

The guys left the class talking, but Kostya and I still continued to sit at our desks and remain silent. To be honest, both of us were simply, as they say, dumbfounded. I have already said that before we also had to get deuces, and more than once, but never before have our guys taken Kostya and me at the very beginning of the year in such a turn as this Saturday.

Yura! - said Zinka Fokina. (That’s strange! Previously, she always called me only by my last name.) - Yura... Be human!.. Correct the deuce tomorrow! Will you fix it?

She spoke to me as if we were all alone in the class. As if my best friend Kostya Malinin was not sitting next to me.

Will you fix it? - She quietly repeated her question.

FOKINA (indignantly). It is absolutely impossible to talk to you like a human being!

Me (coolly). Well, don't talk!

FOKINA (even more indignant). And I will not!

Me (even more cold-blooded). And you're talking yourself!..

FOKINA (a thousand times more indignant). Because I want you to become a human!

And if I’m tired of being a human, then what?.. - I shouted indignantly at Fokina.

Well, Barankin! You know, Barankin!.. That’s it, Barankin!.. - said Fokina and left the class.

And again I remained sitting at my desk, sitting silently and thinking about how truly tired I am of being a human...” I’m already tired... And there’s still a whole human life ahead and such a hard school year... And tomorrow there’s still such a hard Sunday!...

EVENT FIVE

They still hand over the shovels... And Mishka is about to appear

And now this Sunday has arrived! On my dad's calendar, the number and letters are painted in cheerful pink paint. All the guys from our house are having a holiday. Some are going to the cinema, some to football, some to do their personal business, and Kostya and I are sitting in the yard on a bench and waiting for Mishka Yakovlev to start studying with him.

Studying on weekdays is also a little pleasure, but studying on a day off, when everyone is resting, is just pure torture. As luck would have it, the weather is wonderful outside. There is not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is as warm as summer.

In the morning, when I woke up and looked outside, the whole sky was in clouds. The wind whistled outside the window and tore yellow leaves from the trees.

I was delighted. I thought it would hail like a pigeon’s egg, Mishka would be afraid to go outside, and our classes would not take place. If not hail, then maybe the wind will blow snow or rain. A bear with his character, of course, will drag himself into the snow and rain, but in the slush it will not be so offensive to sit at home and pore over textbooks. While I was making different plans in my head, everything turned out the other way around. The clouds first turned into clouds, and then completely disappeared. And by the time Kostya Malinin arrived, the weather had generally cleared up, and now there was sunshine and a clear, clear sky outside. And the air doesn't move. Quiet. It’s so quiet that yellow leaves have even stopped falling from the birch tree under which Kostya and I are sitting.

Hey you boletuses! - Mom’s voice came from the window of our apartment. - Will you eventually go to study or not?

She asked us this question for the fifth or sixth time.

We are waiting for Yakovlev!

Is it really impossible to start without Yakovlev?

But Mishka was still not there. Instead, Alik Novikov loomed behind the gate, constantly poking out from behind a tree. It was, as always, covered with cameras and all sorts of photographic accessories. I, of course, could not look calmly at this spy and therefore looked away to the side.

It's called Sunday! - I said, gritting my teeth.

At this time, Zinka Fokina approached Alik; she carried four shovels on her shoulder, some kind of cardboard box was clutched under her arm, and in her left hand she had a butterfly net.

Alik took a photo of Zinka with shovels on her shoulder, and they headed towards us together. I thought that Alik would now shoulder the shovels on his shoulders, but for some reason this did not happen. Zinka Fokina continued to drag all four shovels, and Alik continued to hold on to the camera, which hung on his neck, with both hands.

“Hey, photographer,” I said to Alik when he and Zinka approached the bench. - It seems these shovels are too much for you, Your Manifestation!

But they will be up to you and Kostya,” said Alik Novikov, not at all embarrassed, pointing the device at Kostya and me. - And the signature: head of class 3. Fokina solemnly presents household equipment to her compatriots...

Zinka Fokina leaned her shovels against the seat of the bench, and Alik Novikov clicked the camera.

“Yes,” I said, carefully examining the shovels. - How does it turn out in the magazine “Koster”...

What else does this mean? - Fokina asked me.

“Mysterious picture,” I explained.

I understand,” said Alik, “where is the handle of this shovel?”

No, I told Alik. - Where is the boy who will work with this shovel?..

Barankin! - Zinka Fokina was indignant. - What, you’re not going to make the school green today?

Why am I not going to? - I answered Zinke. - I’m going to get ready... It’s just unknown how long it will take me to get ready...

Barankin, be a man! - said Zinka Fokina. - After classes with Misha Yakovlev, immediately come to the school garden!

IT'S SO GOOD THAT WE ARE PEOPLE

Of course you agree with me? But the schoolboy Yura Barankin, about whom this book tells, did not immediately understand how important and good it is to be human.

I really like this book, which I read back when it was not a book, but just a manuscript typewritten. I was not familiar with the author; the name and surname of Valery Medvedev did not mean anything to me yet. I didn’t know whether he was young or old, whether he had been writing for a long time or was just entering literature. But reading the manuscript gave me great pleasure. I immediately felt that the story was written by a writer endowed with reliable talent, possessing a living knowledge of the guys, correct taste and artistic tact. True, I was somewhat puzzled at first. How is this so?.. The characters in the story are very similar to those whom I constantly meet, everything happened in our time, when few people believe in magical transformations... and the hero suddenly, as they say, you live a great life, turns into sparrow And then into a butterfly. And then...

No! I won’t tell you in advance the contents of Valery Medvedev’s funny, wonderful story. I will only say that the further I read, page by page, into the manuscript, the more I liked it and the more convincing everything that happened in it became for me. The author made me, without any stretch of the imagination, believe in the miracles that happen to his heroes.

So excuse me, this means this is a fairy tale?! - readers will say.

I don’t know myself... Maybe it’s a fairy tale. Or rather, a very true fairy-tale story from the lives of the most real, not invented and not in distant kingdoms, but living next to us boys. And if there is a magician at work in this story, then it is the author himself, the young writer Valery Medvedev. It was he who skillfully turned to the reader some ordinary, familiar things, deeds and incidents in such a way that everything sparkled in a new, fairy-tale way. And in the magical light of the fairy tale, many important truths were suddenly revealed, which do not prevent children from comprehending from a very young age. For example: how important, how good it is to be human! The habitual instruction of elders, sometimes already beginning to bore the children, suddenly, as it were, opens wide the doors, behind which the true meaning comes to life, contained in the requirement: “Be a man!”

And the heroes of Medvedev’s story, after all the transformations, having returned to the usual and normal human form of existence for them, seemed to understand anew what a blessing it is to live among people and to be a human being! How nice it is to have not wings, not a tail, not four paws, but two human hands and ten fingers that can take and give, make and fight, squeeze a friend’s hand and hold a pen. Yura Barankin and his friend rejoiced in human capabilities in a new way. They probably now understood why in one of his works Alexey Maksimovich Gorky, a writer who believed in people with all his soul, said: “Man - that sounds proud!”

The adventures of Yura Barankin and his friend, full of mischievous invention and funny stories, testify to this, perhaps for the first time for the children, such a conscious, proud happiness of being human. And Medvedev’s book turned out to be cheerful, cheerful and humane. I’m not afraid to add to this that behind the hilariously funny misadventures of two boys, the reader, if he is not a keen observer, will feel real wisdom, feel a serious idea, I would even say - the philosophy of the book. How many funny and captivating books for children have their own philosophy, that is, deep thoughts about life and man’s place in it?

I will not hide that I was pleased to be convinced later, when Valery Medvedev’s manuscript had already turned into thousands and thousands of copies of the printed book, that I was not mistaken in it. Barankin was quickly loved in schools, libraries, and pioneer detachments. And now all these readers are waiting for new books from the talented writer they love, as fun and smart, as exciting and original as “Barankin, be a man!”

I believe that Valery Medvedev will not disappoint these expectations.

Lev Kassil

PART ONE
BARANKIN, TO THE BOARD!

EVENT ONE
Shame on the whole school!

If Kostya Malinin and I had not managed to get bad marks in geometry at the very beginning of the school year, then perhaps nothing so incredible and fantastic would have happened in our lives, but we got bad marks, and so the next day something happened to us - something incredible, fantastic and, one might say, supernatural!..

At recess, immediately after this unfortunate event, Zinka Fokina, the head of our class, came up to us and said: “Oh, Barankin and Malinin! Oh, what a shame! Shame on the whole school!” Then she gathered the girls around her and, apparently, began to form some kind of conspiracy against Kostya and me. The meeting continued throughout the break until the bell rang for the next lesson.

During this same time, Alik Novikov, a special photojournalist for our wall newspaper, took a photograph of Kostya and me with the words: “The deuce is galloping! The deuce is racing!” - stuck our faces on the newspaper, in the “Humor and Satire” section.

After this, Era Kuzyakina, the editor-in-chief of the wall newspaper, looked at us with a destroying look and hissed: “Oh, you! They ruined such a beautiful newspaper!”

The newspaper, which, according to Kuzyakina, Kostya and I ruined, looked really very beautiful. It was all painted with multi-colored paints, in the most visible place from edge to edge there was a slogan written in bright letters: “Study only for “good” and “excellent”!”