Modern education jokes. Jokes about education

Jokes about education

A student sits down with the professor in the cafeteria. Professor:
- A goose is not a pig's friend...
- Well, I flew...
For such an insult, the professor decided to fail the student in the exam, but he passes with an “5”. Then the professor asks:
- So, you are walking along the road and you see 2 bags: with money and with gold - which one do you take?
- With gold, of course...
- And I would take it wisely...
-Who is missing something...
The professor writes “goat” in the student’s record book, but the student doesn’t notice and leaves. The next day he returns to the professor and says:
- Yesterday you signed my record book, but forgot to give me a grade...

Exam at the institute. An old professor receives him. The student takes the ticket and realizes that he does not know the answer to any of the three questions.
Then he says to the professor:
- Let’s do this, if you answer three of my questions, then give me 2, and if not, give me 5.
The professor thought and decided that it was unlikely that he would not answer the student’s questions, and agreed. The student asked him the following questions:
1. What is legal but not logical?
2. What is logical but not legal?
3. What is not legal or logical.
The professor thought for a long time about the questions, but did not know the answer. I took the record book and gave it a 5.
- Well, now tell me the answers.
Student:
1. You have a young beautiful wife - this is legal, but not logical.
2. Your wife has a young, handsome lover - this is logical, but not legal.
3. And now you gave this lover a 5 - this is neither legal nor logical.

Three applicants taking the exam. One comes for money, the second - through connections, and the third - on his own.
Question to the first:
- Over which country was the first atomic bomb exploded?
- Over Japan.
- Five.
Question to the second:
- Over Japan.
- At what year?
- In 1945.
- Five.
To the third:
- Over which country was the first atomic bomb exploded?
- Over Japan.
- At what year?
- In 1945.
- Over which city?
- Hiroshima.
- How many died?
- Two hundred ninety-four thousand.
- List the names of the dead.

Memories of a graduate:
I remember how my mother took me to 1st grade. And how my father carried me away after graduation.

Listen,” the teacher explodes, “this is the third time I’ve given you a C.” Why aren't you studying? After all, no one has ever died from studying!
“I know,” says the student, “but it’s better not to risk it.”

It's good to be a student, but studying gets in the way.

Dialogue during the exam. Teacher:
- What is horsepower?
- This is the strength that a horse one meter tall and weighing one kilogram develops.
- Where have you seen such a horse!?
- And you just won’t see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.

The night before the exam. The phone rings in the professor's apartment.
An irritated, sleepy voice:
- Yes!
- What, are you sleeping, infection?
-?!?!?!
- And we teach.

Teacher:
- What is your last name?
Student:
- Ivanov (smiles).
- Why are you smiling? - asks the professor.
- I'm glad that I answered the first question well.

A student has 2 states: Eating and sleeping. But there is also a third thing - a session:
when not to eat or sleep.

College of Programmers. Teacher for students:
- Our college not only teaches, but also saves many lives!
- ???
- Because idiots like you don’t go to medical school!!!

Lecture on theoretical mechanics. Lecturer:
- Let’s imagine a three-dimensional object in the shape of a parallelepiped, mounted on four monocyclic units. In other words, let's imagine a cart.

My son entered the Institute of Foreign Languages! He will become a real troglodyte!

Do you mean polyglot?

Polyglot, troglodyte... What's the difference? These are synagogues.

Hello! The program “The Smartest” is on your screens! Today we are determining the smartest teacher of the week. Introduce yourself.

Andrey, physics teacher.

Sergey. This week I quit school and now work in a bank.

Sergey is the smartest teacher of this week!

A student asks the dean:
- I didn’t pass the third retake, what should I do now?
- And now you need to undergo a medical examination.

The professor takes the exam from the students. A cute student comes in:
- Give me a "five"!
Professor (stunned): - Yes, people here die for the “five”!!!
Student (looking around): - Where?

Professor, will I have a machine gun?
- Yes, and tarpaulin boots!

Vovochka:
- This uncle is probably a teacher.
- How did you guess?
- Before sitting down, he carefully examined the chair.

Why were you late for the lecture?
- Because it started before I entered the audience.

The boy stops the car:
- Uncle, give me a ride to school!
“I’m going in the other direction,” says the driver.
- All the better.

In the HR department:
- What did you finish?
- Sailor.
- Were you swimming?
- In all subjects.

Student:
- I’m very sorry, but I can’t answer this question.
Teacher:
- You said the same thing last time.
Student:
- Didn’t I keep my word?

Father asks son:
- What did you do at school today?
- We had chemistry. We studied explosives.
- This is interesting. What will you do at school tomorrow?
- At school? Which school, dad?

In an evening school math lesson:
- Petrov, tell me, how much is 0.5 plus 0.5?
- I feel in my heart that it’s a liter, but I can’t prove it.

Dad, do you remember that you promised me 10 dollars if I successfully completed this year and moved on to the next grade?
- Yes, sure. Well, how are you doing?
- Congratulations, dad! You saved $10.

A loving mother talks to her young son’s teacher:
- I assure you, sir, my Giulio has a brilliant head! You just need to understand his psychology. Never ask him something he doesn't know...

At your age, son, Napoleon was the best student in the class!
- And in yours, dad, he was the emperor of France.

“I ate a visual aid during botany class. Comrade parents, give your child money for breakfast.” “Imagining himself to be Mendeleev.” “I smeared the girl with drool. I ask you to take action now.” “Your son is a dumbass. Believes that the human races have different skin colors because they evolved from different apes." “Disrupted algebra class by sticking her feet out in the aisle.” “Wrote an obscene expression on the desk in honor of a classmate.” “Snarled with the teacher.” “Tumbled somersaults without swearing.” “The behavior is disgraceful! The whole lesson was in my briefcase.” “I blew my nose on my friend’s drawing.” “I prevented Kobylina from getting off the goat.” “On music I sang a lot of unnecessary things again.” “Your child is more afraid of the goat than of me. Gym teacher". “I didn’t prepare Onegin’s duel with Lensky.” “Your daughter came to school wearing makeup from head to toe.” “Looks at the board ambiguously.” “I was running in gym class.”

What is the most fun time of a person, which you often remember after some time? Of course, studying. Studying at school and then at college leaves unusual impressions that transform into lyrical memories.

While studying, there are a lot of humorous moments that happen to a person and his acquaintances. One has only to see funny comics about school, and one immediately remembers this wonderful time, which, it would seem, ended quite recently.

Reading jokes about students and studying, you remember the moments you experienced with a smile, recognizing yourself in some situations.

The funniest jokes about school most often associated with jokes about the main school character Vovochka, who constantly finds himself in extraordinary situations and amazes with his actions. If you read jokes about children, the younger generation also strives to do something incredible, but together with adults.

In jokes about students and studies, the students themselves act as the main pranksters of the anecdote or joke. And they do it great.

The main characters of funny jokes about school that bring tears to tears are most often played by witty high school students or mischievous children from junior high schools. Nevertheless, jokes about school and teachers The teaching staff can also boast of having an excellent sense of humor. A special role is given to the physical education and labor teacher, who in jokes about school are associated with the main pranksters among the teachers. However, even a music teacher who drinks 50 grams for his ligaments turns into a labor worker by the sixth lesson!

Student time is practically no different from school time. Funny jokes about students that make you cry they turn out to be more fun and ordinary, since the older generation is involved, but with some echoes of mischief. If in funny jokes about school students are still a little embarrassed by their actions, then in jokes about students and teachers the line of humor is much further. And the teachers themselves sometimes like to make a great joke, putting their beloved student in a dead end.

Since we are talking about fun student life, we can recall funny jokes about students, which end in expulsion and the army. I agree, if a similar situation happened in real life, it’s no laughing matter. But if this happens to a student from an anecdote, it is quite funny to observe his behavior from the outside. And in general, very funny jokes about school, and about students, are those jokes in which the student does not find himself in the most enviable position. And here it depends on the narrator whether he will find a way out or will drown in fumes.

Cool statuses and aphorisms about higher education

I I didn’t graduate from the Academy, but I will give you a higher education!

11 years of school, 3 years of college, 5 years of college, now I can safely shout to the queue “free cash register!”

T Only in Russia can you look at a stripper with two higher educations, one of which is pedagogical.

IN higher education has increased my long-term income by a round sum, which I spend on giving my son a higher education.

IN anyway. I was forced to quit my job because I don’t have a higher education - they demand higher education everywhere.
A friend went to university, received a higher education, but cannot find a job because he has no work experience.
I'm just crazy...

ABOUT Illegal higher education.

M It is possible not to study and work as a sales consultant. Or you can get a higher education and work as a senior sales consultant.

IN In Russia, where most people, after graduating from a university, work outside of their specialization, a diploma, in fact, is a certificate confirming that its owner is not a fool. Although it’s not a fact.

A in the higher education column I’ll just write “dream”...

ABOUT Education: Incomplete higher education.

D To obtain a higher education you need to study, study, and again money!!!

D Iplom allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.

IN Higher education is never complete.

WITH Today, higher education looks like a beautiful diploma, but in the old days it looked like an educated person.

IN Higher education is a useful thing: it allows us to see how little other people know.

H The higher your education, the more chances you have to work for someone without any education at all.

TO In addition to higher education, you need to have at least an average understanding and, at a minimum, primary education...

P about 7 higher educations in one hand!
And this is not the limit!
Go Russia!

N news of education. Starting this year, financial universities in Russia are introducing a new faculty - rollback economics.

C The goal of a good liberal arts education is to teach you to be philosophical about the lack of money.

AND Why is everyone rushing to get this higher education? Here in our office, out of 20 people, only two have a higher education - a technician and a plumber.)

— U How are you with your education...
- MGIMO-...
WHAT are you mooing? Did you go to school...?

N news of education. Starting this year, financial universities in Russia are introducing a new faculty - economics.

G What matters is not higher education, but higher consideration.

IN I’ll get my seventeenth degree in higher education, then I’ll definitely get a job in my specialty

IN Lesson: old goats teach young rams

IN Higher education is a complex system of intermediaries that help you forget school knowledge forever.

TO As soon as higher education becomes paid, it ceases to be higher.

D university diploma: a document certifying that you had a chance to learn something.

U you higher education? Or even two? Do your homework from 4th grade using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

N Having a higher education diploma is not a fact of having intelligence...

ABOUT education - you stand in line for five years to get a diploma to join the army of unemployed.

IN Higher education in itself does not mean anything: horns are also higher education.

D Iplom only shows that you know where to look for answers.

A The relevance of my thesis is that without it I will not be given a diploma of higher education. The methodological basis for this diploma project was the general scientific “copy-paste” method.

E Just because you were given a higher education does not mean that you received it

G An opnik in a dark alley asked Anatoly Wasserman: “What time is it?” And unexpectedly for myself, I acquired a Higher Technical Education!

ABOUT education: higher education not started...

WITH a completely uneducated person can only rob a freight car, while a university graduate can steal a whole