I am sure that every woman at least once in her life experienced the situation described below.

At some public event (conference, wedding, party) you notice an interesting man and try tomake an impressionon him. But after a few hours you go home, feeling like a rejected loser.

Why does this happen? What did you do wrong? Was he bored with you, or did you overdo it when you wanted to be fun and funny?

While you remember similar situations from your life and try to understand their reason, I will tell you so that in the end he asked you for a phone number and offered to go on a date.

To do this, you need to remember only 10 unspoken rules.

1. keep calm

It is clear that being emotionally restrained when there is a man who you like is not so easy.However, if you want to get an invitation to a date, behave with a man you need to make him see the mystery in you.

Your task is not to impress him at all, as a spectator who came to a spectacular circus performance. You need to be interested in something else...

1. Seduce him intellectually

Make a good impression on a manPretty easy if you follow the 80/20 rule. With intelligent men, in most cases it works 100%.

So what should be done? In fact, everything is simple - 80% of the time listen to him and only 20% speak yourself and ask him questions.

In this way, you will show your interest in him and at the same time save him from feeling that he is monologue.

Why does it work? Because everything, absolutely all men love to talk about themselves and their achievements.

From time to time, give him ideas to continue the story about yourself. Ask questions about his work and hobbies in sports, movies, music. You will be surprised at the effect of such a communication model.

1. Do not mention marriage and future plans

In your 20% of the conversation, in no case should you touch on the topic of marriage. It's a totally inappropriate subject when you're trying.

Any mention of marriage can be taken as the reason why you are now getting to know him. It will also become the reason why he wants to quickly end the dialogue and leave.

Another thing is if he asks about your plans for the future. Then, mixed with “get a diploma”, “find a good job” and “get a kitten”, you can casually mention the desire to meet a soul mate. But you can't focus on it.

1. Don't talk about yourself unless he asks for it.

When you tryKeep your life story to yourself. He should take the initiative in this regard.

If he asks about your hobbies, childhood, youth, answer. Briefly, without going into too much detail. If he does not ask such questions, then it does not interest him yet. But do not be offended. Just everything has its time.

1. Listen carefully

I have already mentioned that men like to talk about themselves. But even more we like it when someone enthusiastically listens to these stories.

If you are not very interested in the information he gives out, but you still want to continue your acquaintance, you will have to pretend. Make eye contact, nod your head, smile and laugh when appropriate.

Sometimes ask again in surprise or ask simple clarifying questions. You can be sure that this behavior will definitely helpmake a good impression on a man.

1. Don't mention your past relationships

A lot of people complain about their ex when they meet or on a first date. And this applies to both men and women. But in fact, this is the worst topic that you can think of to discuss when meeting.

Of course, impress a man, talking about your plight and the "goat" that ruined your life, you can. But it won't be exactly what you want. Don't be surprised if the other person starts looking for reasons to leave if the conversation takes a turn like this.

1. Do not give advice or express your opinion until he asks

This is the most common trap girls fall into when they try toimpress a man.

If he talks about a situation and you really want to show yourself as an expert in this area and give advice, control yourself.

You can only express your opinion on the surface. And even then, only if he asks for it. Think for yourself, do you need advice from a person you see for the first time in your life?

1. touch it

Touch the back of his hand, touch his shoulder, or lightly touch his arm. But only once! This will be a discreet signal that you are interested in him as a man. But if there are a lot of such gestures, he can understand this as an invitation to go to your house and get to know you better.

Therefore, if your goal is not a one-night stand, "hold your horses." One or two unobtrusive touches per evening. Not more.

1. Show no interest in material things

I understand that you are tired of men who live with their mothers or are simply "rogue". But the first conversation is absolutely not the right time to discuss his income and property.

So you can give the impression of a girl who is looking for a "daddy" who will suit her life. Just focus on the fact that you like him. And let him understand it.

1. Flirt but don't flirt

Remember the line between flirting and outright flirting. What are you trying to impress a man? If you appear in his eyes as a dissolute girl, you will remain so in his memory.

In this case, you can not count on more than a one-time sex. But I understand correctly, your goal -? Never Forget You Only Have One Opportunitymake a first impression on a man.

Follow the rules described in this article to achieve the desired result. If everything works out and he wants to continue dating, you may need help with how to behave on the first date and subsequent meetings.

But this is a completely different topic, which is best discussed in person. Come onto learn even more secrets that will help not onlymake a first impression on a manbut also to attract and retain it.

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Instruction

Punctuality is the hallmark of a collected and responsible person. Being late, even for the most legitimate reason, will create a negative impression of you even before you are greeted. This is not good for getting started. Your punctuality will indicate that you know how to value not only your own time, but also the time of your partner.

However, you should not come too early either. If the person waiting for you is not yet ready or is completely absent, you will have to wait in vain for the appointed time. And arriving early is considered very impolite.

Remembering the name from the moment you are introduced to a new acquaintance is a good way to win over a person. During the conversation, try to address him exclusively by his first name. Such an appeal is not only pleasant and polite, but also focuses the interlocutor's attention on you and your statements. If you can't remember the name of a new acquaintance the next time you meet, the person may get the impression that meeting him was not interesting for you.

Use your body, smile. These methods of non-verbal communication form a certain impression about a person in the subconscious: positive - if the interlocutor likes the behavior, negative - if it repels. In no case do not look away, do not shy away from eye contact, try not to get too close to the person, violating his intimate space, do not slap him on the shoulder. It is enough to remember two simple actions that can lead to good, friendly relations - a wide natural smile and a long handshake.

Neat clothes suitable for the circumstances, a neat hairstyle, polished shoes, make-up appropriate for the circumstances, well-groomed nails - all this, combined with the correct tactics of behavior, will make the most favorable impression on the interlocutor.

When interacting with new people, watch your statements and speech in general. Do not swear, speak competently, clearly, so that the interlocutor does not ask you again, putting yourself and you in an awkward position, do not use black humor, do not be intrusive. Be especially restrained and polite in dealing with older people and business partners.

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Tip 2: How to make a good impression on the employer

Having found a promising vacancy, make every effort to produce a good impression on the employer and get the coveted position. Lacking natural charm and talent as an orator, you can produce a good impression if you are thoroughly prepared for the meeting.

Instruction

To produce good impression on the employer Start preparing for the meeting long before the interview. Search the Internet for information about the head of the company. Pay attention to both his work biography and hobbies. Knowing the characteristics of the personality of a future boss can greatly help you in the interview process.

Having collected all the necessary information, proceed directly to the preparation. Think about what you will wear to the interview. Clothing should not be too frank and bright, but at the same time, “gray mice” are also not held in high esteem now. The best solution for you is a strict but elegant outfit.

In addition to appearance, pay close attention to your speech. This is especially necessary for those who have already been to several interviews, but were not hired. The level of development of a linguistic personality is one of the important indicators when applying for a job. It is difficult for a person in the process of communication to assess the level of his communicative competence. Therefore, record your speech on a voice recorder (it is desirable that it be a dialogue). Listen to the recording and you will be amazed, exclaiming: “Is this really how I talk!”.

What questions will you find answered in this article?

• Why listen to the news and read magazines before a meeting
• and not alienate the interlocutor
• Rules for Effective Communication
• How the Spotlight and Active Listening Techniques Can Make a Lasting Impression

To succeed, you need to be able to negotiate with other people, this requires not only to pronounce words smoothly, but also to turn communication into pleasure. I have observed many times how people did not follow the elementary rules in a conversation and because of this they lost valuable contacts (see also How not to alienate the interlocutor). By studying situations, I have formulated rules for effective communication that will help you learn how to make a good impression, and the interlocutors - to feel comfortable in your company.

and not alienate the interlocutor Don't leave home without breaking news. Before the meeting, turn on the radio or TV, look through the newspapers, look on the Internet. News is a good conversation starter. In addition, you will avoid stupid situations when you are asked to comment on recent events, and you do not know what it is about. Prepare answers to the most frequently asked questions in advance. For example, to a question about your studies, you can answer that you are an economist, engineer, etc. But this is not enough to start a good conversation. It is better to add one or two interesting details, for example: “I am a lawyer. Our firm specializes in labor disputes. I'm currently pursuing one case in which the defendant is an employer who asked candidates too personal questions during a job interview." Don't give one word answers. It is very difficult to carry on a conversation when the interlocutor answers “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know” to any question. Strive to give detailed answers, then your communication will develop more naturally. Call the interlocutor by name. A proper name is the most pleasant word for every person. Therefore, calling the interlocutor by name, you immediately arouse sympathy in him. Communicate with the interlocutor in his language. If you are talking to a person working in a different professional field, try to use terms from his vocabulary, this will facilitate mutual understanding. Look for key words in the interlocutor's answers. Often people themselves suggest what topics are close to them. For example, you complain about heavy rain, and your counterpart suddenly says that this is important for plants. Probably, this topic is close to him.

: 7 Rules for Effective Communication

Rule 1Think about the topics of the conversation

If you have to meet a person for the first time, find out as much as possible about him (age, financial situation, interests). Use pages on social networks that are very informative. If they are not there, then there will be important links about professional activities. Any information will help to informally start a conversation.

I will give an example from practice. We were preparing a serious meeting between the two leaders. We learned about one of the interlocutors that in his youth he was fond of the sea. We used this in small things: we put the prepared documents in a folder with a marine theme, and placed anchors. Thus, important files did not go unnoticed: a person paid attention to them, just subconsciously reaching for a pleasant thing for himself.

Rule 2. Correctly position yourself relative to the interlocutor

Keep your distance. In our culture, it is not customary to be too close to a partner when talking. Determine a comfortable distance. Research recommends 60 cm (arm's length). In the rules of etiquette, this distance is defined as personal space. If you are too close, the person will feel uncomfortable and, not understanding what is happening, will decide that he does not like you. It is better for a woman and a man to sit away from each other: a small distance can be perceived as flirting.

Position your chair at an angle to the other person's chair. You should not sit directly in front of a person, otherwise subconscious mechanisms that trigger manifestations of aggression may work. Move a few centimeters to the side, and the reasons for unpleasant emotions will disappear. I was approached by a man who was about to have a serious conversation with his boss about being fired. I advised him to change their usual position relative to each other: move the chair to the side so as not to sit opposite the boss, change the posture a little. The conversation was peaceful - the dismissal did not take place.

Sit with your back against a wall for confidence. To make your partner feel comfortable, also invite him to sit with his back to the wall. If your plans are to unsettle the interlocutor, try to make him turn his back to the door.

Rule 3Start a conversation with abstract topics


One of my clients found himself in a difficult situation during negotiations in Lithuania: from the first minutes he started talking about business, and the conversation soon ended - the partner refused to communicate. It turned out that in this country it is customary to talk about abstract topics before a business conversation. I often noticed this in Russia too: if one of the interlocutors immediately turns to business issues, his partners tense up, and this inevitably sets them against him.

Discuss neutral topics before getting to the point. For example, if you know that your counterpart has a dog, ask about it; if you know that his child is going to university, ask a neat question about this topic.

Rule 4To make a lasting impression, btalk more about the other person than about yourself


Most people tend to talk mostly about themselves: how well they are doing, about their family. But the secret to successful communication is to talk more about the other person. Show interest - ask open-ended questions that do not require one-word answers, such as: "How do you spend most of your free time?" The results will not keep you waiting: people will be more willing to talk about themselves, and you will be considered an interesting and attentive interlocutor.

You can use the "spotlight beam" technique proposed by Leila Launders, an American expert in the field of psychology of communication and communications. When talking to a person, imagine that a large spotlight is shining from above: when you speak, the rays are directed at you. The longer the spotlight shines in the opposite direction from you, the more interesting you will be to the interlocutor. Leila Launders gives this example: “A few years ago, a friend and I went to a party where the “cream of society” gathered. Everyone with whom we spoke turned out to be a bright and extraordinary personality. When we shared our impressions between conversations with other people, I asked my friend: “Diana, with whom of all these people who were present at the evening did you like to communicate the most?” Without hesitation, she replied: “Oh, with Dan Smith, of course!” “Who is he and what does he do?” I asked. “Well, I don’t know for sure…” the friend replied. "Where is he from?" "I don't know," Diana replied. “Well, what are his interests in life?” “You see, we didn’t talk about his hobbies.” "Diana," I asked. “And what were you talking about?” “I think we mostly talked about me” 1 .

1 Leila Launders. How to talk to anyone and about anything. M.: Kind book, 200 2. - Note. editions.

Rule 5Practice active listening skills


In addition to the spotlight technique, use the active listening approach, which is a simple technique that helps the interlocutor reveal more information. It consists in the active expression of one's own experiences. I will list some methods.

Nod in agreement. So you express approval and invite the interlocutor to continue.

Use complementary words: “I understand”, “really”, “very interesting”, “good”, etc. A person needs to be aware that you are not just listening to him, but are on the same wavelength with him.

Ask clarifying questions, such as “What did you do in this situation? How did it all end? In this way, you help your partner open up and encourage them to continue the conversation.

From experience, I can say that if one of the interlocutors is good at active listening skills, then the second one does not even notice how quickly time flies.

• Planning your time: step by step instructions from time management gurus

Rule 6Give compliments

Many people make the same mistakes: they make banal compliments or say them very quickly, as if in between times. This devalues ​​the compliment, and he loses the right energy. Find in the interlocutor a detail that can be noted, and tell him about it. A man really appreciates when he is told that he has a firm handshake. If we are talking about a business partner - a woman, then a high assessment of her business qualities is accepted with much more gratitude than compliments regarding her external merits.

It is important to remember that in compliments, personal topics should be left out of brackets. It is better to evaluate the atmosphere of the office, the design of business cards, note the competence of the partner's employees - everything that you paid attention to. I will give an example from practice. I attended a meeting of two leaders, a man and a woman I knew. They tried to negotiate a joint event. The woman was of a dense physique and on the eve of the meeting she got a manicure, which, in her opinion, emphasized the thickness of her hands very unsuccessfully. The director of the company where we came, on the contrary, noted how beautiful the manicure looked. When the meeting ended, my friend told for a long time how unpleasant it was for her to hear about the color of her nails. She regarded the compliment as low flattery, which finally turned her against this man. The deal fell through.

CEO speaking Konstantin Belov, General Director of PowerGuide, Moscow I will share my rules of effective communication. Listen without interrupting. This is the most complex rule of effective communication and at the same time its most important rule. It will help you make a lasting impression the first time. It would seem that there is nothing easier, but try to remain silent if you are told well-known things for several minutes. You have to make serious efforts to let a person finish calmly. delve into. By listening, I mean not only your silence when someone else is speaking, but also your efforts to understand the meaning of what was said. This behavior means that you recognize the partner as an equal party in the conversation. State your interests directly. During communication, each of the participants pursues their own goals, which they do not want to talk about directly because of their delicacy. Therefore, if you, for example, are negotiating a loan restructuring, inform the partners of your understanding of the fact that one of the parties will definitely try to take advantage of the current situation in their own interests. By immediately clarifying the unannounced agenda, you will save yourself and others from empty chatter. Do not pull with the main. Remember how during meetings everyone is annoyed by speakers who beat around the bush. This behavior is often associated with the fear that the interlocutors will not perceive the main thing if they are not told all the details. This fear is partially justified, but the risk that you simply will not be listened to, as a rule, is higher. Therefore, try to build a conversation according to the principle: first the main thing, then the details. Do not rise at the expense of interlocutors. Self-assertion during negotiations is expected and normal. However, never do this at the expense of the interlocutors. You should not demonstrate to a person that you are better than him, it is more correct to show that you are the same. Avoid comparing knowledge and achievements in areas that are not directly related to the subject of the conversation. For example, if the interlocutor made a mistake in a quote, there is no need to correct him (see also the figure). Rehearse. Speak key lines aloud. It is useful to record them on a dictaphone. After listening to the recording, you will understand what needs to be changed. Having spoken out loud the main theses, you will feel much more confident during the conversation itself.

How to make a lasting impression and get rid of controversy

1. Find two or three helpers. These should be people who know you well, whose judgments you trust. Offer them a ready-made list of negative qualities (sharp, arrogant, stubborn, petty…) and ask them to mark those that they think are inherent in you. Be patient, this can be frustrating.
2. Do not under any circumstances argue with your assistants and do not try to turn their words against them. But you can clarify: “And often I behave ... (sharply, stubbornly, pettily, etc.)?”
3. With your answers in hand, start tracking your relationships with other people over the course of a few weeks. Identify and fix in your behavior the annoying signs that your friends have pointed out.
4. If you learn to notice flaws, you can get rid of them by developing more constructive behaviors (for example, reduce your assertiveness in negotiations if it is perceived by people as harshness, and replace it with active listening).
5. After two or three months, you will find that it has become much easier for you to establish contact with people.

Adapted from Mark Goulston's I Hear Through You


In order to make a good impression of yourself in the process of a business conversation, you must remember to follow the generally accepted rules of conduct.

First of all, you need to behave naturally. The best way to spoil the first impression of yourself is to act tense and constrained. But increased looseness, and even more so familiarity, is not good either. You should also not assume the appearance of a very serious person, busy with important matters. Surrounding this falseness of behavior is very quickly recognized.

To make a good first impression, you also need to quickly orient yourself in the environment and in the people around you. This leads to the formation of fairly stable impressions that do not disappear for a long time.

Each person is a unique creature with its own strengths and weaknesses, which, in order to create a good impression about oneself, must be skillfully used, i.e. actively use strengths and try not to show weaknesses. However, this does not mean deceiving interlocutors - you just need to build behavior based on your best human and professional qualities.

A further technique for creating a favorable impression on others requires the following steps.

• 1. Constantly express a sincere interest in other people. Showing such interest is the best way to make a good impression. However, it should be remembered that the most dangerous thing is to go beyond the boundaries of sincerity and turn into a flatterer. This happens when, trying to make a favorable impression, a person in his words begins to pursue obvious goals. In this case, falsehood becomes noticeable instantly. Restraint and tact are especially important when dealing with superiors and subordinates.
• 2. Maintain points of commonality. Relationships are the best. e. unite.
• 3. Express sincere approval. All people love to be praised. In all situations, you need to find something to praise the interlocutor for - for knowledge, skills, appearance, the state of the office or home, the personal qualities of relatives or friends. First of all, notice everything that you like in people and in their behavior. Talk about their virtues. Maybe these virtues are still in their infancy, but the person will want to live up to your expectations and "fix" these positive qualities.

One of the most effective methods of forming a positive attitude towards oneself is the use of compliments, i.e. words and expressions containing a slight exaggeration of the positive qualities of a person, due to which the psychological phenomenon of suggestion is triggered, as a result of which a person tries to "grow" to those qualities that are emphasized in compliment.

Receiving a compliment, a person unconsciously seeks to meet expectations, which forms a reciprocal sympathy for you, removes his psychological protection and closeness.

In a business conversation, a compliment sets up a partner for mutual sympathy, trust and pleasant relationships, creates a sense of reliability, a desire to reciprocate, forming a good impression of you. In addition, a compliment helps to remove the resistance of your opponent, sets him up for agreement and cooperation, and creates an unconscious desire to make concessions. And at the first meeting, a compliment is the most successful beginning of a conversation and the best way to cheer up a future partner or client, and for yourself too.

There are other very important techniques for making a good impression on others. These techniques suggest the following manner of communicating with interlocutors.

Every person, no matter how passionate about his work, has his own personal life - personal interests, hobbies, aspirations, interests and needs of his family. If you conduct a conversation with an interlocutor in line with his personal interests, then this, as a rule, will cause increased verbal activity in him, accompanied by positive emotions, and he will perceive you as a sensitive and attentive person.

Particular attention should be paid to physical signs of attention. Psychologists have proven the need for bodily touch for the normal development of the child. Touching him or patting his cheek in a friendly way, we thereby confirm our love (and this is the main value for him). Therefore, it is especially important to gently touch the baby after he has received a “reprimand” from us. Let him make sure that our disposition is not lost forever and that we are no longer angry with him. As for teenagers, the relationship between touch and their emotional state is somewhat different. The fact is that they are keenly striving for independence and therefore they are trying in every possible way to get rid of "calf tenderness" as a symbol of childhood. This, by the way, is very often a source of resentment and even tears for many mothers who still seek to caress them.

In the world of adults, the touch of loved ones again becomes desirable. And they acquire a special price for elderly lonely people who, through such an emphasis on closeness and attention, better feel their need and significance, partially lost with retirement.

Psychological research has shown that single people, especially those who have had heart disease, have a better chance of survival if they have a cat or dog in their home. This is also explained by the number of touches received by a person.

Thus, caressing touches can give a lot to people who are dear to you. Can you shake hands cordially? Use touch at work, but in a way that feels natural? A friendly light touch on the hand can have a great positive effect (and on you too); it can also calm a person who is excessively excited about this or that event. However, the touch must be correct, natural, appropriate to the situation, so that your intentions are not misinterpreted. People react especially painfully to arrogant-familiar touches: patting on the cheek, shoulder, patting on the head, etc. Such actions are perceived by adults as extreme tactlessness. The person you are touching should not have the feeling that they are behaving familiarly with him.

All of the above signs of attention (positive, negative, physical, psychological) can be either conditioned or unconditioned (spontaneous).

Make an impression to make/impress Book. More often 3 l. present, bud. temp. or past. temp. To evoke, to generate a strong feeling in someone, to have an impact on someone. From noun. with meaning faces or distractions. subject: writer, artist, speech, performance ... produces what? huge, good, unforgettable… impression; impress who? on the audience, on those present, on the audience ...; impress with what? originality, architecture...

How often the most insignificant things make a greater impression on people than the most important ones. (I. Turgenev.)

This music [Mozart's Don Giovanni] was the first music that made a tremendous impression on me. (P. Tchaikovsky.)

Do as you like, but I'm telling you that this man makes a repulsive impression on me. (M. Bulgakov.)

Educational phraseological dictionary. - M.: AST. E. A. Bystrova, A. P. Okuneva, N. M. Shansky. 1997 .

See what "impress" is in other dictionaries:

make an impression- scratch, shake, strike, have an effect, have an effect, do your thing, do your own, turn over, act, surprise, strike, stun, stun, how to strike with thunder, how to strike with thunder, make a strong impression, make ... ... Synonym dictionary

trying to impress- adj., number of synonyms: 4 seduced (23) tried to fall in love with himself (4) ... Synonym dictionary

produce- impress to make an action to make a favorable impression action to make a great impression action to impress action to make state registration action to make a replacement action ... ...

PRODUCE- PRODUCE, PRODUCE Profound and varied semantic changes in the use of the verb produce produce. In the Dictionary of the Russian Academy of 1822, only four meanings of this word are noted, and two of them are officially business: 1) raise in ... ... History of words

impression- the impression arises existence / creation, subject, the beginning the impression arises existence / creation, the subject, the beginning of the impression to leave the action the impression remains the existence / creation, the subject, the continuation of the impression ... ... Verbal compatibility of non-objective names

PRODUCE- PRODUCE, I will produce, you will produce, past. temp. produced, produced; produced, sov. (to produce). 1. what. Do, do, do. Make experience. Make a calculation. Make repairs. Carry out excavations. Make an arrest... Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov

IMPRESSION- IMPRESSION, impressions, cf. 1. Image, reflection, trace left in the mind of a person by surrounding objects, persons, events. Childhood impressions. Travel impressions. Look for new experiences. eyewitness impressions. This impression is not... Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov

PRODUCE- PRODUCE, food, you eat; ate, ate; eaten; eaten (yon, ena); eating; sovereign 1. what. Make, do, arrange. P. products. P. reconstruction. P. repair. 2. what. Cause, carry out (what is called the next noun). P.… … Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

IMPRESSION- IMPRESSION, I, cf. 1. A trace left in the mind, in the soul than n. experienced, perceived. Childhood impressions. Road impressions. 2. Influence, impact. Be inspired by the conversation. 3. Opinion, assessment, formed after meeting ... Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

produce- lead, lead; produced, led, lo; produced; produced; day, day, day; St. 1. what. to do, to do; conduct. P. shot. P. calculation. P. repair. P. search. P. calculation of someone l. 2. what. Create wealth, release, manufacture ... ... encyclopedic Dictionary

Books

• First Impression: Do you know how others perceive you? Buy for 430 UAH (Ukraine only)
• First impression. Do you know how others perceive you? , Ann Demarais, Valerie White. There is a saying: you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression. A lot depends on how new acquaintances perceive you, and first of all, their desire ...