Self-esteem - what it is: concept, structure, types and levels. Self-Esteem Correction

Perhaps you know the feeling of fear: “I don’t need anyone? I can't handle it. What will others think of me?”, or vice versa, something else is close: “I am the best! I have no equal in this matter! Or maybe it doesn’t bother you at all, then you don’t have to waste time reading this article. But, one way or another, explicitly or implicitly, almost all people show signs of inadequate self-esteem.

This article is for those who want to escape from the yoke of suffering from creative failure, self-criticism, who are ready to listen to the opinions of the people around them and ask for help. And also for all those who want to harmoniously interact with the outside world, be self-confident, set realistic goals and be flexible in achieving them.

This article is about how Knowledge and Love help to align self-esteem.

Self-esteem

What is self-esteem? I will give the most interesting, in my opinion, definition of all those that I encountered when selecting information on this topic.
“Self-esteem is a person’s judgment about the presence, absence or weakness of certain qualities, properties in comparison with a certain model, standard. Self-esteem reveals a person's evaluative attitude to himself, to his character, appearance, speech, etc. This is a complex psychological system, hierarchically organized and functioning at different levels.
Man acts for himself as a special object of knowledge. Self-knowledge is included in an even wider system of cognition of the external world and implementation in the continuous interaction of a person with the world. Self-esteem is associated with all manifestations of a person's mental life.
The main means of self-assessment are: self-observation, self-analysis, self-report, comparison. On this basis, a person self-evaluates himself, his capabilities, qualities, place among other people, the results achieved in various spheres of life, relationships with people. Self-esteem also depends on the development of a person's reflection, criticality, exactingness towards himself and others.
That is, self-esteem is a subjective perception by a person of himself through a local comparison of his qualities or character traits, interests, achievements or failures in communicating with other people.
Of course, knowing oneself, one's physical and mental strengths, as well as a system of personal values, makes it possible for a person to control and regulate his actions. But when all of our own knowledge and skills can be compared with the developments (experience) of other people, a conflict of our own interests unconsciously arises.
For example, we watched a person, recorded a gesture we liked, a demeanor, a reaction or a style of communication - and further: "I'm not that / that ... smart / beautiful / sociable / interesting in communication." Or there was a backlash - "hmm ... What a stupid, elementary does not understand!". But this is just a moment in the endless flow of time, and we have already made a comparison of ourselves ....
Self-knowledge according to the “I and another person” type is often fixed in a person for life and has a powerful emotional coloring, forming dependence on the opinions of other people. This type of cognition is very unstable, situational and can serve as a source of conflict situations.
It is very important in the development of self-knowledge and self-esteem to move to a higher level of comparison - oneself with oneself, according to the “I and I” type. A person must learn to evaluate his qualities, actions, compare what he was “yesterday” and what he is “today”: he made a bold, decisive act, or, conversely, he got cold feet. Or - what will be more effective for self-development - according to the principle: what he is “today” and what he can and wants to be “tomorrow”, in his most perfect ideas. And here it is very necessary to develop and improve internal methods of self-observation, self-analysis and self-education. Real, constructive self-criticism should always be conducted not at the level of “me and the other person”, but at the level of “me and me”.
Comparison of the type "I and I" gives the most objective description of our behavior, assessment of the knowledge gained, existing desires and aspirations, as well as all the efforts made to achieve our goals. It's like the voice of conscience.
But even here there are small nuances. In order not to play the game with yourself: “Why change something in yourself when you are already quite wonderful!” or “I still won’t succeed” - I propose to move on through the pages of my reasoning.

Types of self-assessment

I draw your attention to the fact that self-esteem, regardless of whether it is based on a person’s own judgments about himself or interpretations of other people’s judgments, individual ideals or social standards, is always subjective.
In psychology, there are different classifications of types of self-esteem, but for the purpose of this article, the generally accepted ones will suffice.
So, self-esteem can be:
- underestimated
(underestimation of oneself and one's capabilities);
- overestimated (reassessment of oneself);
- adequate (normal),
more or less consistent with actual behavior.

Low self-esteem

In selecting the material for this section, I was guided by the characteristics of my own manifestation of low self-esteem. Going through different events and situations in my memory, experiencing them again and again, but already from the point of view of the observer, I got the following list.
I hope that after studying it, you will be able to look from the outside at similar manifestations in your life, at those situations that could cause you to feel insecure in your own abilities. After all, awareness is the first step towards finding solutions and preventing similar reactions in the future.
Here are the most striking features of low self-esteem (feelings of one's own inferiority), the manifestations of which can sometimes be characterized by diametrically opposite behavior.

Lack of faith in yourself

1.1. Appearance and manner of dressing can be expressed in two opposite ways:
- Defiant, eccentric, overly open and / or flamboyant style. All “flaws” (self-doubt, traces of sadness, frustration, dissatisfaction) are masked as much as possible, since no one should see the manifestation of weakness / worthlessness, except for the closest people.
Rejection of oneself forces the use of masks, which, on the one hand, help to look more confident in oneself, and on the other hand, create additional tension.
- Closed, discreet, overly modest, sometimes reaching indifference to their own appearance. Loose, closed clothing is preferred. Sad / serious facial expressions, stoop, stiffness / harshness of movements are characteristic - a clear desire to hide one's body, to push the opposite sex away from it.
1.2. Difficulty accepting compliments
Any manifestation of attention causes a state of discomfort - the feeling that there is nothing to praise for. Refusal of recognition and leveling of the qualities that attracted attention. There is a suspicion that the manifestation of signs of attention was not sincere, and that this is just an attempt to support / make fun of.
1.3. Difficulties in building close relationships, whether it is a friendship or a family. Uncertainty and dislike for oneself are transferred to relationships with other people, which is expressed in suspicion and the search for manifestations of dislike, rejection, misunderstanding. In the case of finding or inventing them, painful experiences, resentments, claims and tantrums are generated.
1.4. Distancing from others, shyness is generated by the fear of interfering / distracting someone from an important matter, burdening, being superfluous, or being misunderstood, rejected and deceived. When communicating, there is constant tension, internal tightness, closeness.
Such a person shares his successes and failures only with those closest to him.
1.5. Weak initiative/indecision manifests itself in avoiding responsibility, or in sharing it with other people because of the fear of not completing the task, of appearing stupid, weak. It is easier to take part in activities where you do not need to show any creativity and innovative solutions, but you just need to work patiently “the old fashioned way”.

Lack of faith in the future

2.1. Low self-requirements
Goals are mundane or non-existent. A person is content with what is, not believing that he can achieve something more.
2.2. Inability to record positive accomplishments, choices and results
Life accomplishments are not noticed and do not bring confidence in yourself and in the future. As a result, there is no opportunity to adequately assess their strengths, identify areas of creativity in which there is interest and achieve high results.
Such a person often recalls life's failures, resentments, mistakes and missed chances. Often there is a feeling of self-pity due to the inability to independently build their own life and it seems that the best is behind us.

Dependence on the opinions/attitudes of others

3.1. In view of the inability to adequately independently assess their own achievements, dependence on external confirmations of performance results is manifested. For example, promotion, salary, positive opinion of relatives/significant people, etc.
The same dependence manifests itself in the form of a need for attention from a partner and friends (reminders of love, need and importance, devotion, etc.).
3.2. Other people's opinions are taken too close to heart. The desire to improve, just to please the other, since the opinion of others is often the determining factor for certain mental states. The inability to please everyone breeds frustration.
3.3. Any remark raises many doubts about the correctness of the choice, decision or act. This is followed by "dropping hands" and unwillingness to take the initiative.
3.4. Criticism causes painful experiences, feelings of inferiority, worthlessness, self-criticism, frustration, depression.
3.5. Refusal of some privileges or rewards is associated with the fear that they will be envied or there will be an opinion that this is unjustified and undeserved.
3.6. Inability to say "no" / refuse
The inability to say no, especially when someone is paying attention, wasting their own time and energy (for example, buying everything that a saleswoman offers in a store) or refusing to fulfill someone's request, is another consequence of dependence on the opinions of other people.
It can also be expressed in excessive attention to the comfort and emotional state of the interlocutor, maintaining an uninteresting topic.
The desire to please everyone, fulfill all requests and provide all kinds of support can also be associated with the desire to please everyone.
3.7. Setting inflated goals, the implementation of which will require much more resources than planned, is caused by the desire to receive recognition from others.
3.8. Fear of doing something extraordinary, of being special in something because of possible rejection or condemnation by others.

Excessive self-criticism / self-criticism / guilt

4.1. Constant doubt in the committed actions, which are evaluated as stupid, clumsy, wrong, far from ideal. There is not a constructive analysis (not the search for the right solutions), but emotional self-criticism.
4.2. Attaching great importance to any defeat, failure leads to long experiences and reproaches of oneself for wrong choices and actions. In other words, inflation "out of molehills."
4.3. Feelings of guilt and self-criticism are manifested due to a mismatch with someone's expectations (especially people close and significant to me): "Not so smart (successful, beautiful, good, etc.)". Feelings of guilt can be caused by far-fetched reasons if a person: they didn’t say hello, they didn’t look like that, they didn’t smile, they didn’t call back, they answered rudely, etc. relate? It's so hard to get their attention! What is wrong with me, what have I done wrong?
Let's try to draw a psychological portrait of a person with low self-esteem. When communicating, there is constant tension, internal tightness. Obsessed with the desire to please everyone, please, support. Overly attentive to the comfort and emotional state of the interlocutor. We depend on the opinions and attitudes of other people, as well as on external confirmation of the results of our activities. Prone to self-criticism and widespread (total) guilt. Touchy, envious, jealous. Often characterized by a feeling of fatigue and depression.

Inflated self-esteem or arrogance

Next, I give observations of a person with inflated self-esteem for himself. You may be surprised that a person with arrogance observes their own reactions, evaluates them, and also makes efforts to level them. But a little later you will learn about the multi-level self-consciousness, and everything will fall into place.
So here are the observations. They are grouped into small thematic blocks:
1. Considers himself the smartest, which can be characterized by the following manifestations:
- The desire to argue, when someone expresses his opinion confidently, even if he has not yet joined in the meaning of what is being discussed. It feels like some kind of indignation inside, immediately categorically say: "No, it's not like that!"
- There is arrogance in the statements, with an internal question "What's incomprehensible here ?!" If a person did not perceive the information expressed, the desire to repeat it many times.
- Unwillingness to listen to people's reasoning because of the feeling of one's own omniscience and understanding.
- When someone says "stupidity" there is a desire to draw everyone's attention to it, to ridicule or realize their superiority by quickly saying something more "correct".
- Misunderstanding of something or ignorance recognized by other people causes irritation (inner voice: “I know and understand this, and how can you not understand it”) and the desire to ridicule or somehow show that this is not normal, instead of to sincerely help a person with their explanations.
- Difficulty listening to and absorbing the information of the interlocutor, again due to self-conceit and the desire to realize oneself in demonstrating one's knowledge, understanding, and abilities.
- Subjectively perceived illogical thinking or "guesses", the lack of logical conclusions cause irritation. Inner voice: "How can you not understand / guess?", "How can you think so?".
2. Considers himself better than others:
- Manifestations of low self-esteem or arrogance by other people cause irritation and condemnation, a desire to point this out to third parties and discuss-condemn with them.
- Search, notice and irritation on the imperfections of other people. Presentation of the consequences and conflict situations that may arise due to such manifestations. Fantasies on the topic, how and what is enlightening, usually in an edifying-revealing style, one could tell other people about their imperfections.
- Activity, initiative of other people, attracting attention to oneself causes irritation and envy.
- If a person is superior in some way to a person with high self-esteem, then first this superiority is automatically leveled, making them insignificant, insignificant, and also simultaneously searching for one's own superiority in something else. The search for one's own superiority is carried out in the same direction as the superiority of the opponent. For example, "It's okay that I do less push-ups, but I run faster." For comparison opportunities, attention is paid automatically and the results of other people's activities are counted.
3. Painfully perceives criticism:
- If it turns out to be wrong, then he experiences states of confusion and shame, blood rushes to his face and there is a desire to “fail in this place”, that is, to disappear. Further, these states are replaced by self-accusation of haste in statements and the desire to justify or deceive that this is not what he had in mind.
- Remarks, regardless of fairness, are irritated, a desire to point out to the source his shortcomings or that he is trying to limit freedom and needs. Or answer with something like “Look at yourself!”, Or convict him of other “sins”. This can persist for a long time and wait for an opportunity to implement. Particularly painful are repeated comments on similar “punctures”, which are more often between spouses or parents and children.
4. Others:
- In any emerging problems or difficulties, he blames others, but not himself.
- Outside help is taboo for him, because in order to accept it, he must admit his own imperfection (hence the difficulty of working in a team).
- Rejection of praise for exceptional performance - "I'm always like that, what's the big deal!"
- Gets annoyed when asked a question to which he does not know the answer at all or cannot answer as beautifully and fully as he would like. Further, perhaps, he will try to answer with general phrases or give out his assumptions and fantasies for real, reliable knowledge.
- Avoids by any means direct competitive moments where losses are clearly possible.
Let's try to draw a psychological portrait of a person with high self-esteem. Shows arrogance and pretentiousness. Quick-tempered, often in a state of irritation and dissatisfaction with other people and circumstances. Prone to sarcasm, ridicule of other people and gossip. Egocentric, believes that everything should revolve around him. Jealous.
The main difference in the behavior of arrogant people is that each of them considers beneath his dignity. For example, make excuses.

Features of the manifestation of inadequate self-esteem in behavior

At first glance, two completely different psychological formations: high and low self-esteem. But this is only at first glance. I'm sure you noticed some similarities between them. So, a person with high or low self-esteem:

Experiencing internal conflict and psychological stress;

They are under an illusion about their abilities;

Low need for self-development (reasons: lack of incentive / lack of faith);

Under the condition of hypertrophy of the manifestation of signs of arrogance and self-doubt - a small circle of friends (reasons: self-centered / closed)

For the most part, we manage to combine both opposite poles of self-esteem. So, for example, if a person has low self-esteem at work or in communication with the outside world, he tries to compensate for it at home, becoming a kind of “domestic tyrant”. And vice versa, if at home he feels signs of low self-esteem, then he compensates for it in the outside world, so for others he may look proud.

What is often mistaken for low self-esteem and referred to as “low self-esteem syndrome” or “victim complex” may in fact be, on the contrary, high self-esteem: high self-esteem plus a tendency to be a victim creates the illusion of low self-esteem.

Insecurity in one area of ​​creativity is often offset by arrogant behavior in another area. For example, a woman at work “looks like a gray mouse”, but in the kitchen there is a great cook - she bakes cinnamon buns perfectly. She does it just magically. It may well turn out that her low self-esteem is compensated by the critical assessment of other people in terms of cooking.

Situationally overestimated self-esteem can be provoked by the unwillingness to "lose face" when, from internal insecurity, it seems to a person that not knowing or not being able to do something is a crime. And instead of learning, he reports that he already knows how to do everything. Unlike deception, this behavior will be unconscious, and the person himself will believe that he is capable of anything.

Thus, inadequate self-esteem in one and the other of its variants gives rise to:

Separation from others

closeness

Lack of initiative

Irresponsibility

Egocentrism (obsession with oneself).

About the causes of inadequate self-esteem

From the point of view of psychology, the reasons for inadequate self-esteem are the limited perception of not only oneself, but also the world around. Excessive confidence or lack of self-confidence does not allow a person to fully carry out their actions and achieve goals.
People who have inflated demands on life, having overestimated their capabilities and abilities, often fail, taking on the achievement of goals beyond their strength.
Low self-esteem distorts the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis personality, about the people around him. Such people set small goals for themselves and do not achieve anything significant in life, do not reveal their potentialities and do not realize their personal characteristics (self-actualization).
In both cases, inadequate self-esteem hinders personal growth, because without knowing yourself, you don’t know what to work with.
Having assessed the level of one's claims (desires), it is equally important to realistically assess one's capabilities and abilities. Their level depends on our life experience: ups and downs on the path of life.
From the point of view of iissiidiology, the reasons for inadequate self-esteem lie in the configuration of a person's self-consciousness, and are also associated with the activity of low-frequency levels.
According to iissiidiology, the configuration of a person's self-consciousness is a set of all active levels (representations), and at this stage of people's development it consists of unconscious, personal, higher personal, subconscious and superconscious levels. That is, our self-consciousness is a multi-level structure. And each level of self-consciousness corresponds to a certain "set" of the so-called conglomerates - the constituent parts of our personality, which represent a very narrow (fragmented) range of this level of self-consciousness. In psychology, this is partly described by a similar concept of subpersonality.
Low-frequency (unconscious and lower levels of personal self-consciousness) levels of self-consciousness are characterized as instinctive, selfish and animal manifestations. This part of our self-consciousness is characterized by very narrow views and fragmented ideas, and our identification with these levels prevents a constructive approach to life situations and circumstances, as well as effective life creativity.
The specifics of the information that structured the unconscious part of our self-consciousness determines the tendency to one or another type of inadequate self-esteem. In physiology, this is expressed through the characteristics of the human hormonal background. So, for example, with a person's tendency to low self-esteem, there is a lack of production of norepinephrine and serotonin.
It is difficult to determine the unconscious source of inadequate self-esteem, since the implementation of low-frequency levels is mixed with the implementation of mid-frequency ones, which are associated with our social activity (work, study, etc.), thus forming our behavior model.
Despite the activity of the entire multi-level structure of our self-consciousness, we are potentially (with certain skills) able to choose which levels we identify with. Most of the trainings and psychological practices are aimed at acquiring the skills of identification with certain conglomerates.
At each moment of time, not all conglomerates at once appear through our self-consciousness, but only the most active of them at a particular moment. Our whole life and our whole future is connected with what levels of self-consciousness we are most identified with.
Being identified with the lower levels of self-consciousness (the sphere of creativity of which includes extreme manifestations of inadequate self-esteem), due to the limitedness of their ideas, a person is not able to think constructively, be in positive states, make far-sighted decisions and build friendly and open relationships with other people. All this, of course, is far from being reflected in the most positive way in all the circumstances of life.

Transformation of inadequate self-esteem

Extreme manifestations of inadequate self-esteem are more common in adolescents. With the accumulation of life experience, self-esteem is more or less aligned. The rest of its features can also be transformed either through the acquisition of additional life experience, or through psychological practices and conscious work with them.
You can easily find a description of psychological practices for leveling self-esteem on the Internet. I am closer to the principles of intellectual and altruistic development, based on iissiidiological ideas, so I will share how life according to these principles aligns self-esteem.
So, as can be seen from the name of the principles themselves, the main value of this direction of development is the cultivation of intelligence and altruism, interconnected. In addition, important supporting qualities are openness, honesty, initiative and responsibility. If you remember, the qualities generated by inadequate self-esteem (separation, closeness, lies, lack of initiative, irresponsibility, egocentrism) are directly opposite to these.
The principles of relationships and methods of self-development developed and applied at ICIAAR (International Information Center for Intellectual and Altruistic Development), where I have been living for more than three years now, are aimed at the development of the above positive qualities and, from my own experience, I feel their effectiveness for leveling self-esteem (and self-development in general) .
The entire intellectual-altruistic approach to self-development can be divided into two parts: the development of high-frequency levels (levels of higher personal self-consciousness and subconsciousness) and the transformation of low-frequency levels.
The pillars of the activation of high-frequency levels are the study of iissiidiology and the singing of Aifaar songs. The study of iissiidiology helps to gain knowledge, deep ideas and beliefs, an understanding that everything around depends only on us: all the circumstances of life are objective, because they fully correspond to the configuration of our self-consciousness. This means that there are no injustices in life, but only we ourselves are responsible for everything that happens to us. Singing songs, in turn, allows you to reveal in yourself a highly sensitive potential and highly moral images, touch the states of unconditional love and acceptance, tolerance and altruistic service to all the best that is in people and human society.
Conglomerates of high-frequency levels already have responsibility for all the circumstances around them and the initiative to change themselves and these circumstances for the better. Therefore, the more these levels are manifested through our self-consciousness, the more often we are responsible and proactive.
They, in turn, direct us to action in various areas, constantly confronting one or another task. Thus, a person with arrogance comes to understand that he is not so omniscient and omnipotent - self-esteem begins to level off, and for a person with low self-esteem, it rises, because it turns out that he can do much more than he thought. Initiative and responsibility generate life experience. A life experience - aligns self-esteem.
As our vital activity increases at high-frequency levels, new goals corresponding to them appear and a qualitative image of who we want to be emerges. This allows you to get away from evaluating yourself on the principle of “me and others” and move on to evaluating “me and my qualitative image”. That is, we gradually begin to evaluate all our choices and actions from the position whether they correspond to the behavior of our qualitative image and whether they move us towards goals, which also increases the level of responsibility and initiative.
The activation of high-frequency levels automatically starts the processes of “pulling up” low-frequency levels, in working with which, first of all, awareness (the state of the Observer) is important. This state allows you to identify which levels of self-consciousness are currently manifesting, to analyze and, if necessary, correct.
If you find in yourself an overestimation or underestimation, try to write out manifestations of inadequate self-esteem in specific situations. Devote this, for example, a month. Pay close attention to how it manifests itself in you, analyze and decide how you would like to act (imagine that there is a second chance to play the situation again). Put new ideas about yourself into the piggy bank of your high-quality image. This will allow you to develop and manifest the state of the Observer.
When we have learned to identify and fix the manifestations of our low-frequency levels and, in particular, inadequate self-esteem, we can move on to the next method of working with them.
All non-positive levels are “afraid” of publicity. Therefore, in the intellectual-altruistic direction of development, the principles of openness and honesty are cultivated, which, through the recognition and voicing of these reactions, allow them to be effectively transformed.
For this, in particular, the method of “Disidentification and Identification” is used, the meaning of which is to tell from the position of the Observer about one’s non-positive manifestations, to express one’s unwillingness to be them anymore, that is, to disidentify, and to be identified with the manifestations of one’s qualitative image. Such a technique should be done in a circle of people, just like you, striving for self-development and self-knowledge, that is, able to understand you.
In working with non-positive levels, motivation also helps, that is, the ability to explain to oneself, for example, the disadvantage of identifying with these levels. As a universal motivation for leveling self-esteem, there may be the notion that each person is unique - everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, no one is worse or better than another.
Independent work is necessary for the formation of effective individual motivations. For a person with low self-esteem, it is necessary to record their achievements (for example, the “Book of Success”, “The Book of Happiness”) and those moments when low self-esteem did not allow them to achieve their goals. A person with high self-esteem needs, first of all, to pay attention to those situations when the position of other people was of better quality, and his arrogance did not allow him to achieve his goals.
And I always remember that any manifestations in self-consciousness are only stages of development. Everything is a necessary experience, and any low-frequency manifestations, when transformed, become an integral part of higher quality levels. It can be said that if love is added to arrogance, then we will receive honor. And if you add Knowledge to low self-esteem, you get initiative.

Conclusion

The lack of faith in oneself is a stupor, if not degradation.
To strive to be better than others is evolutionary growth, self-development.
It is more effective to strive to surpass yourself.
To think that you are already the best is a dead end.
The desire for adequate self-esteem allows you to increase the effectiveness of all aspects of life creativity. Its presence is a criterion for a highly developed person who does not need to prove anything, somehow stick out himself or, on the contrary, hide from life. Such a person is sociable, friendly, open to people, purposeful and constructive.
There is nothing that we could not achieve in life, and manifestations that we could not cope with! The most important thing is to take the first step, and if you have read this article to the end, then you have already taken the first step towards adequate self-esteem!

For more information about Ayfaar songs see the site http://www.ayfaarpesni.org/about-songs/?id=3 , http://www.ayfaarpesni.org/about-songs/

Inadequate self-assessment by a child, in the process of communication, even with certain skills, can be the beginning of serious difficulties in establishing social contacts.

Self-esteem is formed at an early age. At first, children learn to evaluate the actions of other children, a little later - their own. The child compares himself with others, tests the limits of his abilities and abilities. Gradually, he develops an idea about himself, his character traits, on the basis of which he builds his activities and relationships with others. At this stage, children are aware of the peculiarities of their behavior, correlate it with generally accepted norms and rules, and can anticipate the result of their actions and assessment by an adult.

A child's self-esteem may be very high or very low, or it may be at an average level. Preschool children are usually characterized by undifferentiated inflated self-esteem. Approximately by the age of 7, the child begins to evaluate himself more differentiated: he delimits the attitude towards himself from the assessment of his actions, from his ability to perform this or that activity, to achieve certain results. It is important that the child can realistically assess his capabilities, since his positive (negative) self-perception directly depends on this. In behavior, adequate self-esteem is expressed in decisiveness, cheerfulness, sociability, the desire to contact others; in games, children calmly perceive the situation of loss (in any case, this does not cause violent emotional reactions in them).

Children with low self-esteem experience internal discomfort, doubts, they can react painfully to external influences, experience fear of failure, loss. In behavior, low self-esteem can manifest itself in low activity, insecurity, increased vulnerability, and resentment. The child is reluctant to make contact, which makes it difficult for him to interact with other children.

I think that in the above example we are not talking about adequate or differentiated self-esteem, most likely, such a self-esteem of the boy was the result of an adverse experience; labeling by adults or children, on the basis of which the child managed to draw conclusions about his abilities.

Another extreme version of an inadequate attitude towards oneself is inflated self-esteem: the child considers himself the best, strives to be the first everywhere and is painfully worried if he fails to do so. In behavior, this can be expressed in egocentrism, an arrogant attitude towards other people. Conflicts and aggressive manifestations can be the result of overstated claims.

Many factors influence the formation of self-esteem: features of upbringing and social experience, personal characteristics, objective factors (the presence or absence of certain qualities). The teacher should correct the child’s inadequate self-esteem with targeted educational influences - emphasizing the child’s successes, his achievements over a certain time period (“you have already learned to do this and that ...”), expressing confidence in his abilities (“You have sure to work!"). It is necessary to encourage manifestations of any initiative, to form an adequate attitude to successes and failures. Acceptance of a baby by an adult plays an important role in overcoming personal difficulties: a child needs to feel that he is loved, treated positively, even if something does not work out for him. Collective games organized by adults are a good help, as they create conditions for success, gain new experience, improve relationships within the children's group, thereby increasing the child's self-confidence.

Inflated self-esteem may be the result of upbringing, for example, as a family idol, permissiveness, and in other cases it is a compensation for the emotional distress of the child, the desire to prove that he is the best and thus able to achieve popularity and success. With overestimated self-esteem, it will be optimal, firstly, to establish relationships with other children, the formation of a respectful attitude, acceptance, empathy. The child needs to be made aware that everyone in the group is special in their own way and you need to compare children only with yourself. The teacher can model problem situations for each specific case, use role-playing games in which the child can see his behavior and its results as if from the outside and expand his behavioral repertoire. In addition, an adult should demonstrate by his own example an adequate attitude to other people's successes and failures, critically assess his abilities and results in the presence of children.

What to do if a child has inadequate self-esteem?

Determine the reasons for the inadequacy of self-esteem

We constantly compare ourselves with other people and, on the basis of this comparison, develop an opinion about ourselves, about our capabilities and abilities, our character traits and human qualities. This is how our self-esteem develops. In the behavior of the child, you can see such manifestations of self-esteem as:

Activity, resourcefulness, cheerfulness, a sense of humor, sociability, a desire to make contact are qualities that are characteristic of children with adequate self-esteem;

Passivity, suspiciousness, increased vulnerability, touchiness are qualities characteristic of children with low self-esteem.

With high self-esteem, children unreasonably consider themselves better than others.

In primary school age, self-esteem is very mobile. Each of our appeals to the child, each evaluation of his activities, the reaction to his successes and failures - all this affects the child's attitude towards himself.

How to deal with a child who has self-esteem issues

Do not protect your child from everyday affairs, do not seek to solve all the problems for him, but do not overload him with what he cannot do. Let the child complete the tasks available to him and receive satisfaction from what he has done.

Do not seize the initiative from the child, encourage his undertakings. Make him feel like a leader, but also show that others can be better than him.

Do not overpraise the child, but do not forget to encourage him when he deserves it. Remember that praise, like punishment, must be commensurate with the deed.

Remember to encourage others in front of your child. Emphasize the other's strengths and show that your child can do the same.

Show by example the adequacy of the attitude to successes and failures. Evaluate aloud your capabilities and results of the case.

Don't compare your child to other children. Compare it with yourself (the way it was yesterday and, perhaps, will be tomorrow).

Traditional games are very good: hide and seek, hide and seek.

Mirror game. One child is a “mirror”, he must “reflect” (repeat) all the movements of the one who “looks” into him.

Game "Confusion". Children stand in a circle and hold hands. Without separating their hands, they get tangled. The driver must unravel them without tearing the hands of the players.

Psychologist's advice:

If the children have psychological problems: communication problems with peers, teachers, parents, or just an interest in psychology, they can always turn to a school psychologist, the psychologist will listen carefully and help with advice.

The most common psychological problem in children is the problem of communication. Often it arises from inadequate self-esteem. With the help of a psychologist, you can identify the level of self-esteem and get recommendations for its correction.

1. Try to name five of your strongest and weakest points. Think about how your strengths help you in life, and how your weaknesses get in the way. Learn to build on your strengths and lessen your weaknesses.
   2. Try not to remember or delve into your past failures and disappointments. Remember your successes more often, think about how you could achieve them.
   3. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame. It won't help you succeed.
   4. Look for the reasons for your failures in your insecurities, and not in your personality flaws.
   5. Never talk bad about yourself, even about yourself. Especially avoid attributing negative traits to yourself, such as stupidity, inability to do anything, bad luck, incorrigibility.
   6. If you are criticized for a poorly done job, try to use this criticism for your own good, learn from mistakes, but do not allow other people to criticize yourself as a person.
   7. Don't put up with people, circumstances, and activities that make you feel inadequate. If you manage to act as the situation requires, it is better not to do this business and do not communicate with such people.
   8. Try to take only those cases that you can handle. Gradually, they can be complicated, but do not take on something that you are not sure about.
   9. Remember that criticism is often biased. Stop reacting sharply and painfully to all critical remarks addressed to you, just take into account the opinions of people who criticize you.
   10. Don't compare yourself to the "ideal". Ideals are admired, but they should not be turned into a measure of success.
   11. Don't be afraid to try something out of fear of failing. Only by acting will you be able to know your real possibilities.
   12. Always be yourself. In striving to be like everyone else, you hide your individuality, which deserves the same respect as any other.
   

Exercises to correct low self-esteem:

1. Make a list of your weaknesses. Write them in a column on the left half of a piece of paper. On the right half, write those positive qualities that can be opposed to your weaknesses, for example: I have a slow reaction, but high performance. Expand and justify counterarguments, find suitable examples for them. Start thinking about yourself in terms of the right column, not the left.
2. Each of us knows how to do something better than others, even things like frying an omelet or hammering nails? And you? What exactly are you good at doing better than others? Make a list of your strengths, the things you do better than others.
3. Imagine the person you admire. It can be either a real person or the hero of a movie or book. Try to find the advantages you have in common with him. And then try to find faults in him that you don't have. Learn to make comparisons in your favor.
4. Learn in response to accusations not to make excuses and not to withdraw into yourself, but to refute them with reason.

Recommendations for students with high self-esteem:
1. Think about how your opinion of yourself matches the opinion of your parents, classmates and friends?
2. Learn to listen to the opinions of other people, their approval or disapproval: after all, others can often evaluate you more accurately than you can do it yourself.
3. Treat critical comments from comrades, parents or teachers as constructive advice and "guidance for action", and not as "annoying interference" or "misunderstanding of you."
4. Having been refused a request for something or having failed to cope with the task entrusted to you, look for the reasons in yourself, and not in circumstances or other people.
5. Remember that compliments or praise are not always sincere. Try to understand how the praise corresponds to the real work that you managed to do.
6. When comparing yourself to others, try to compare yourself to those who achieve maximum success in specific activities and in life in general.
7. Before taking on a responsible task, carefully analyze your capabilities and only after that make a conclusion about whether you can handle it.
8. Do not consider your shortcomings a trifle: after all, you do not consider other people's shortcomings a trifle, do you?
9. Try to be more critical of yourself: reasonable self-criticism contributes to self-development and a more complete realization of potential opportunities.
10. Do not allow yourself to "rest on your laurels." After successfully completing something, think about whether it could have been done better, and if so, what prevented it.
11. Always focus on the evaluation of the results of your actions by other people, and not on your own sense of satisfaction.
12. Respect the feelings and desires of other people, they have exactly the same value as your own.

Exercises to correct inflated self-esteem:

1. Write down your top 10 strengths. Assess their severity on a 5-point scale. Ask your parents, friends or classmates to do the same. Compare your results. Is there a difference in ratings? How do you think why? Try to see the cause of discrepancies in yourself and your behavior, and not in the people around you.
2. Write down 10 of your negative qualities. Do you think they interfere with you? What about the people you interact with? Think about it.
3. Try to name a case that you can do very well. Now try to name three of your friends, classmates who could handle this business better than you.
4. Try to highlight the flaws that prevent your virtues from becoming ideal. For example: I am witty, but sometimes I am tactless; I have a great reaction, but sometimes my actions are ahead of my thoughts.

Trying to sort out the conflicting results regarding the consequences of high self-esteem, to find out whether high self-esteem is really a good thing to strive for, leads to a problem. adequacy self-esteem. In domestic psychology, this problem has been posed for a long time: they distinguish between adequate and inadequate self-esteem, i.e. correct, accurate, appropriate and incorrect, inaccurate, inconsistent with the real achievements and potential capabilities of the individual (Bozhovich, 1968; Lipkina, 1976; Neimark, 1961; Slavina, 1966, etc.). Moreover, each of them can vary in height, i.e. there is both high adequate self-esteem and high inadequate (overestimated); low adequate self-esteem and low inadequate (underestimated).

A review of the literature on the problem of self-esteem, done by R. Baumeister (Self-esteem.., 1993), shows that high self-esteem in itself is not necessarily "good". An over-focus on having high self-esteem can lead to its rapid decline when a person finds himself failing in areas considered significant. Pride, narcissism, arrogance, complacency, narcissism, vanity and a sense of superiority are synonymous with high self-esteem (Baumeister et al., 2003). M. Rosenberg (Rosenberg, 1965) introduces two additional meanings for high self-esteem: persons with high self-esteem (“egophiles”) think that they "very good" or " good enough" which corresponds to inadequately high and adequately high self-esteem. S. Coopersmith (1959) also identifies two types of high self-esteem: protective" and "true". A person with a "defensive" high self-esteem claims to have a high self-esteem despite the lack of confirming achievements or appropriate behavior; he reports high self-esteem, nevertheless feeling his own low value, taking the path of denying or avoiding negative information about his personality. A person with "true" high self-esteem actually has a sense of self-worth, feels his value and exhibits behavior that confirms this level of self-esteem.

It is in this perspective that one can consider the problems of high self-esteem: if it is adequate, then it really ensures the harmony of a person with himself and others. Man with high adequate self-esteem realizes the value of himself, realizes his capabilities and abilities; he respects himself, considers himself a worthy person; but he does not overestimate himself or underestimate others; does not treat himself with reverence and does not expect such an attitude from others; he is devoid of arrogance and pride, admits that he is imperfect, agrees with criticism that can help him (Fly, Dobbs, 2008; Rosenberg, 1965). Man with high self-esteem is constantly in a "defensive position", not /[omitting criticism in his address and using any methods and strategies to protect his exaggerated opinion of himself and reject doubts about his inadequacy. Such self-esteem D. Turkat (Turkat, 1978) calls protective high self-esteem, Unlike true high self-esteem. Individuals with true high self-esteem report self-esteem based on personal self-esteem; their self-esteem criteria are more internalized and less influenced by other people's values. A person with high self-esteem (high defensive self-esteem) is characterized by having a strong need for social approval, depending on the opinions of others, and a tendency to present themselves in a more favorable light (Turkat, 1978). Such a defensive position contributes to the development of emotional barriers; leads to a distortion and ignoring of experience, an increase in aggression, alienation, a decrease in interest in activities; the appearance of self-justifications; infantile forms of behavior, etc. (Zakharova, 1989; Lipkina, 1976; Safin, 1975), causes low school grades, hooligan actions, etc. (Self-esteem.., 1993).

Individuals with high self-esteem are especially sensitive to failure, negative feedback and other, real or imaginary, threats to their own "I". These reactions are characterized by either the denial of the very fact of failure, or the shifting of responsibility for it to others and are manifested in increased resentment, distrust, suspicion, aggressiveness and negativism. In domestic psychology, these emotional reactions are called "affect of inadequacy"(Bozhovich, 1968; Neimark, 1961; Slavina, 1966).

The emergence of the "affect of inadequacy", as shown by the studies of L.S. Slavina and L.I. Bozhovich are most characteristic of children who, as a result of past experience, have firmly established an overestimated self-esteem and an overestimated level of claims corresponding to it. The experimental situation, in which the manifestation of the “affect of inadequacy” was clearly manifested, consisted in the fact that the students themselves (according to their self-assessment) were asked to choose and solve a problem of a certain degree of difficulty. The proposed tasks were of increased difficulty, and attempts to solve them, as a rule, ended in failure. It turned out that the reaction to failure was very different in adolescents with different self-esteem. Students with adequate self-esteem, although sometimes they were annoyed with themselves and upset, but behaved calmly, reasonably correlated their abilities with the degree of complexity of the chosen task: without solving the chosen one, they lowered their claims, and if they solved it easily, they took on a more difficult one. A completely different pattern of behavior took place in adolescents with high self-esteem: having failed to solve the chosen problem, they took on an even more difficult one, and this could be repeated many times, up to attempts to solve the most difficult problems. In the process of work, these guys got angry, worried, scolded the tasks, objective circumstances, blamed the experimenter, left, defiantly slamming the doors, started crying, etc. consciousness thinks about its failure and therefore rejects its failure, distortedly perceiving and interpreting all the facts that testify to its defeat. As researchers have seen, affective breakdowns occur only when children have a mismatch between conscious high self-esteem, high claims that go beyond the real possibilities, and unconscious self-doubt (Bozhovich, 1968).

Of particular interest are data showing that in order to experience well-being and happiness, self-esteem must be slightly overestimated; if it is adequate, i.e. corresponds to the abilities of the individual, then we are talking about the so-called depressive realism, which, by the way, the authors consider characteristic of the Russian mentality (Solov'eva, 2009). Overestimation, overestimation of positive properties, skills, abilities allows a person to take on seemingly insoluble tasks and, most importantly, to solve them (Posokhova, 2009).

In contrast to the study of adequate and inadequate high self-esteem, the problem of establishing differences between adequate low and low self-esteem has not received adequate coverage in the literature. Here, perhaps, we can only refer to the study by S. Coopersmith, who found that students with adequate low self-esteem have a low need for achievement, a low ideal "I" and high anxiety, showing that they are aware of their low position in school, but not strive to improve it, realizing that they can do best if they accept their low status (Coopersmith, 1959). Students with inadequately low self-esteem (low) also have high anxiety, but they are characterized by a high need for achievement and a high ideal "I". To some extent, this correlates with the data of L.S. Slavina (1966), according to which among affective children there are not only schoolchildren with inadequately high self-esteem, but also with inadequately low self-esteem, who are constantly afraid of discovering imaginary failure. This kind of self-doubt appears, according to L.I. Bozhovich (1968), only the reverse side of the desire for self-assertion and serves as a defense mechanism against the possibility of being not at the level of the child's too high claims.

An analysis of the ratio of self-esteem and the level of claims in terms of the adequacy parameter found that if at least one parameter is inadequate, a whole motivational-affective complex: dissatisfaction with the current situation, lack of clear ideals, lack of self-confidence; the temporal perspective is stretched out, being at the same time empty of content; claims are veered towards unproductivity; decreased emotional stability; there is a focus on conflict-free interpersonal interaction for the sake of establishing useful connections, which is dictated, on the one hand, by friendliness and a willingness to cooperate, on the other hand, by the desire for leadership combined with self-doubt (Zinko, 2007).

The problem of measuring the adequacy of self-esteem is quite complicated. Self-esteem is always subjective, so the question arises, what kind of self-esteem is considered adequate, but in relation to what grounds can one judge its adequacy or inadequacy? As criteria for measuring the adequacy of self-esteem, researchers suggest "the degree of correspondence between the results of an individual's activities and his value judgments about them" (Lipkina, 1976), the assessment of an "honest witness" (expert) who knows everything about a person, or group assessments according to the principle: " the group is always right” (cited in Avdeeva, 2005). However, a number of authors believe that the assessments of others can be no more objective than a person's self-assessment. For example, teachers' assessments of students' personal qualities are often quite erroneous, since they are determined by a number of essential features of the teachers themselves (Kolomiisky, 2000).

In addition, as noted, most people have above average effect(Sedikides and Gregg, 2002); evaluating oneself according to certain parameters, a person has a tendency to evaluate himself "slightly above average"(Rubinshtein, 1970), which may distort the adequacy of self-assessments. When evaluating others, it often manifests itself avoidance of extreme estimates(both low and high): the reason for underestimating very high results is the desire of the expert to unconsciously "tie" the data of the assessed person to their own achievements; and the reason for the overestimation of low ratings is indulgence effect- the tendency to give a positive assessment to another, which elevates the expert in one's own eyes (cited in: Druzhinin, 2001). In any case, the scale of expert assessment is deformed and compressed, and the assessments are grouped around the average level. Therefore, the adequacy / inadequacy of self-esteem is easiest to establish with respect to individual parameters, and not the personality as a whole, moreover, according to those parameters that can be objectively measured.

Self-esteem- one of the most important structural components of the self-concept of the individual. Any knowledge of a person about himself is associated with his emotional and evaluative attitude towards this knowledge.

The question of self-esteem has been sufficiently studied in domestic and foreign psychology. Along with theoretical studies, which develop questions of the socio-psychological nature and moral basis of self-esteem, its structure and role in the mental life of the individual, there are also studies of the genesis of self-esteem.

Psychological dictionaries define self-esteem as a value, significance, which an individual endows himself as a whole and certain aspects of his personality, activity, behavior. In psychological science, self-esteem is considered as a central personality formation and a central component of the self-concept.

Self-Assessment Performs regulatory and protective function, influencing the behavior, activity and development of the personality, its relationship with other people. The main function of self-esteem in the mental life of a person is that it is a necessary internal condition for the regulation of behavior and activity. The highest form of self-regulation based on self-assessment consists in a kind of creative attitude towards one's own personality - in the desire to change, improve oneself and in the realization of this desire. The protective function of self-esteem, providing relative stability and autonomy of the individual, can lead to a distortion of experience.

Self-esteem is a rather complex formation of the human psyche. She is arises on the basis of the generalizing work of the processes of self-consciousness, which goes through various stages, and is at different levels of development in the course of the formation of the personality itself. Therefore, self-esteem is constantly changing, improving. The process of establishing self-esteem cannot be final, since the personality itself is constantly evolving, and therefore, its ideas about itself and attitude towards itself are changing. The source of the individual's evaluative ideas about himself is his sociocultural environment, including social reactions to some manifestations of his personality, as well as the results of self-observation.

According to Burns, there are three things that are essential to understanding self-esteem. First, an important the role in its formation is played by the comparison of the image of the real I with the image of the ideal I, i.e. with an idea of ​​what a person would like to be. This comparison often appears in various psychotherapeutic methods, while a high degree of coincidence of the real and ideal self is considered an important indicator of mental health. Thus, the smaller the gap between a person's real idea of ​​himself and his ideal self, the higher the self-esteem of the individual.

Secondly, an important factor for the formation of self-esteem is associated with the internalization of social reactions to a given individual. In other words, a person tends to evaluate himself the way he thinks others evaluate him.

Finally, thirdly, the formation of self-esteem is significantly influenced by the real achievements of the individual in a wide variety of activities. And here, the more significant the success of a person in a particular type of activity, the higher will be her self-esteem.

It should be emphasized that self-esteem, regardless of whether it is based on the individual's own judgments about himself or interpretations of other people's judgments, individual ideals or cultural norms, is always subjective.

Self-esteem is a subjective and very personal formation of our psyche. She is is formed with more or less active participation of the personality itself, bears the imprint of the qualitative originality of her mental world, therefore, self-esteem may not coincide in all its elements with the objective assessment of this person. Its adequacy, truth, consistency and consistency are established on the basis of the real manifestations of the personality in activity and behavior.

In psychology, there are self-assessment is adequate and inadequate. Adequate self-esteem reflects a person's real view of himself, his fairly objective assessment of his own abilities, properties and qualities. If a person's opinion of himself coincides with what he really is, then they say that he has adequate self-esteem. Inadequate self-esteem characterizes a person whose self-image is far from reality. Such a person evaluates himself biased, his opinion of himself sharply diverges from what others consider him to be.

Inadequate self-esteem, in turn, can be both overestimated and underestimated. If a person overestimates his capabilities, performance results, personal qualities, then his self-esteem is overestimated. Such a person self-confidently takes on work that exceeds his real capabilities, which, if unsuccessful, can lead him to disappointment and the desire to shift responsibility for it to circumstances or other people. If a person underestimates himself in comparison with what he really is, then his self-esteem is low. Such self-esteem destroys a person's hopes for his own success and a good attitude towards him from others, and he perceives his real successes and a positive assessment of others as temporary and accidental. Both high and low self-esteem make life difficult for a person. It is not easy to live insecure, timid; hard to live and arrogant. Inadequate self-esteem complicates the life of not only those who have it, but also those around them.

Adequate self-esteem also not homogeneous. For some people it is high, for others it is low. Increased self-esteem characterizes a person who does not consider himself inferior to others and has a positive attitude towards himself as a person. He has a fairly high level of claims and faith in his abilities. Such a person is guided by his principles, knows his own worth, the opinion of others is not of decisive importance to him. He is confident in himself, so criticism does not cause him a violent defensive reaction and is perceived calmly. A person who has a positive attitude towards himself is usually more supportive and trusting towards others.

Low self-esteem is manifested in the constant desire to underestimate one's own capabilities, abilities, achievements, increased anxiety, fear of a negative opinion of oneself, increased vulnerability that encourages a person to reduce contacts with other people. In this case, the fear of self-disclosure limits the depth and intimacy of communication. People with low self-esteem are sometimes distrustful and unfriendly towards other people.

In order to develop positive self-esteem, it is important so that the child is surrounded by constant love, regardless of what he is at the moment. The constant manifestation of parental love makes the child feel his own value and contributes to the formation of a positive attitude towards himself.

Knowing a person's self-esteem is very important for establishing relationships with him, for normal communication, in which people, as social beings, are inevitably included. It is especially important to consider the self-esteem of the child, like everything in it. It is only being formed and therefore, to a greater extent than in an adult, it is amenable to influence, change.