What to do if you do not want to communicate. How apathy manifests itself: symptoms

Hello, my name is Mira, I'm 21 years old.
Recently, I increasingly fall into a state where I don’t want to see or hear anyone. And it is not at all a burden to me, on the contrary, I feel safe - as if in a cocoon. I can sit in my room all day, minding my own business or thinking about something of my own. I don't want to meet friends or call them, answer their messages and letters. When someone calls me, I do not pick up the phone or ask the household to say that I am not there. And it's not that it's unpleasant for me to communicate with someone, it just seems so difficult and impossible, I don't even know how to explain this feeling. As if, in order to talk to someone, you have to overcome yourself and throw all your strength, all your will into it. On the other hand, I feel guilty about ignoring my friends and loved ones, and this makes it even harder.
I also rarely talk to my family members, and sometimes they annoy me with their mere presence. I don’t want to go out either, because there are people there, there are a lot of them and they also annoy with their fuss. Every time going somewhere for me is a real torture. I often want to get to a desert island and stay there forever!
By nature, I am an introvert, and I am a rather closed and uncommunicative person, but even for me, this state is probably not normal.
Tell me, please, what should I do with this?

Psychologists Answers

Hello Mira.

You described your feelings, actions, thoughts very clearly and in detail.

You can clearly see how you are sitting at home, refusing calls, communicating with family members, friends and relatives...

Sit all day in the room and go about your business and thoughts (The question arises - what kind of business and what are thoughts about? And will they benefit you - from material to mental, spiritual) ...

What to do with it?

You can do nothing if it suits you...

(does all this suit friends and relatives - so you can lose them all ...)

This condition is normal - for some periods.

Constantly?

Where is that uninhabited island where you can live?

Since you asked the question - what to do with it? - therefore, it also does not bring you great joy?

Then a lot can be done with it.

In my opinion, you have not described anything of the kind - and perhaps this is symptomatic - because of which you want to hide in a cocoon of loneliness from external influences - from phone calls, talking with friends.

In my opinion, you are experiencing a contradiction between feelings of guilt in relation to your social role and its obligations, and internal needs to be with yourself. It seems to me that you do not fully understand what is so unpleasant and sick in the outside world that is annoying. You feel your weakness - but so blurry - "real torture", "annoying with their presence", but what is this Weakness about? Unclear.

I am glad that you understand that the problem of a productive, rich life cannot be solved by external adaptation to internal discomfort. But what do you do when you don't know what's going on? You don't know and I don't understand. It is clear that the reasons for you are not clear. But the common place of such experiences. It is clear that something needs to be done - but what? If you run, then from what? If it aspires to what?

If we were talking to professionals, then perhaps the pros would say: She is experiencing a classic existential crisis of loneliness, self-determination and choice of path. I would nod, but there would still be emptiness inside - perhaps as a parallel with your unrequited emptiness - Well, I know what's bad, and what should I do?

In such cases, either a very wise and close person from the environment helps, or a trip to a fairly wise and experienced person who would not brush aside a couple of general phrases, but really participate in a dialogue in order to find reasons, determine the future, look for answers to questions - Why I? Who am I?

The problem with conditions like yours is that a person becomes a little stupid, cannot simply answer current questions. And here you need a person “whom to think about”. Because, as in the saying, with whom you lead from that, you will gain. And if you break off contacts, then with whom do you hang out? What are you picking up?

Here is such a difficult answer to your not simple letter.

Sincerely, Victor.

Good answer 15 bad answer 5

Hello Mira! There must be a reason for your condition. Would you like to find it yourself? If you wrote a letter on this site, then something is bothering you. Of course, you can sit at home and not communicate with anyone, but let's imagine what will happen in 5 years with you? Are you going to be at home? One? And the family? Your own? Children for example? If you want to find the reasons for your condition, please contact us. Sincerely, Olesya

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Hello Mira! By all the signs that you described - you have depression. Depression is a disorder. which must be taken seriously. Here you can take a free online depression test http://www.infamed.com/psy/alt21_1.html

With severe depression, you need the help of a psychologist, medication support, and sometimes hospitalization for a while.

With moderate depression, consultations with a psychologist are required, and sometimes medication support is also needed. There is no need to be afraid of antidepressants, modern drugs are not addictive, provided that all dosages and doctor's recommendations are observed.

In case of mild depression, the help of a psychologist is very effective, the only thing you need is patience - at least 10 consultations are needed. a psychologist will help you deal with the causes of depression and a good mood will return, the world will regain its bright colors, and communication with friends will begin to bring joy.

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Hello Mira!

The answer to the question. what you do with it depends on what you want. In general, whatever you want in life. If you want absolute security and peace, then continue to live the way you live. But absolute security, as a rule, is where there is little life and movement, because life and movement are always a priori dangerous. But not total (otherwise we would all have died out long ago), but completely controlled, if only you take the responsibility to control it. In the meantime, you avoid all control over your life, just hiding from it. And this is your right. Just keep in mind that the years go by, life passes, and you will not have another chance to live (just live) your youth. You can make any choice, just understand the consequences. And if they suit you, then this choice will be conscious, and you will not regret it later. And choosing life, you will face different risks (any relationship is always a risk), but these risks can be managed by developing in the field of building relationships with people. This is work, and sometimes not easy. But he is rewarded with a bright, happy, meaningful life among people. You have a choice, and I would suggest that you seriously consider it. All the best, Elena.

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Helped us:

Marina Vershkova
Psychologist

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

Elena Kuzeeva
Psychologist

Marina Travkova
Family psychotherapist

Are you afraid of judgment

You are not 15 for a long time, but the feeling that your loved one (parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable does not let go. All your attempts to communicate have come to nothing. It doesn’t matter why: maybe this same relative is just an emotional rapist and doesn’t want to negotiate, but wants to ruin your life. Or just a bad character and a hard fate for a person, and you sob into the pillow at night, trying to understand what is to blame. The important thing is that you would be much happier if you interrupted or reduced communication to a minimum.

However, the fear of condemnation crosses out all the arguments of reason. After all we hear from childhood that swearing with relatives is bad. Because there is nothing more important than family and friends and others like them come and go. In the end, what will people think?

What to do: “In such cases, it’s about respecting personal boundaries,” Marina Travkova, a family therapist, is sure. - You can run away from your relatives far away, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself, without closing your eyes to your own discomfort, and finally choose who is dearer to you: you or all those people who “say something”.

It is impossible to please everyone, so a person who sets himself such a task is in a trap. Such a lifestyle deprives one of joy, strength and health. It originates, as a rule, where a person from childhood was taught to be “the way it should be” and inspired that “it’s not like that, it’s wrong, no one needs it.”

Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless baby. It is mortally scary for a child to be rejected by those he loves and depends on. But you've grown up. And if someone is upset by your behavior, then most likely neither you nor the upset person will die from this. Gently but confidently explain that you are, of course, relatives, but this situation no longer suits you. Get ready to resist - usually the behavior of "bear me anyway" is very pleasant to the one who practices it, and your loved one will not simply refuse it. You still can’t be good for everyone, and in this situation, someone should show indifference to you, and this someone, most likely, is you yourself.

Need to communicate

This is generally the most popular excuse for those who tolerate both a despot husband and a boorish neighbor. There is a sea of various “musts” that are performed without thinking about who needs it and, in fact, why. It is necessary to get married, build a dizzying career, travel around the world. One of these “needs” is the indispensable friendship with newly-made relatives and “friends of friends”, as well as with their other halves. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations in rare meetings are not suitable. It's friendship.

And it does not matter that we choose husbands and friends according to common interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the rest are included, as they are. And mutual love may not work out. Or there will be mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready and do not want to be related to them, but you continue to put on a good face in a bad game, supporting yourself with arguments: “we are one family”, “I was raised this way” and “everyone does it”.

What to do: “If you dig deep,” says psychologist Marina Vershkova, “then the “it’s necessary” program has been pre-installed for us since childhood. This behavior was typical of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we inherited. And if you look at the surface, then this is the most common attempt to take control of the opinions of others about you. You selflessly make friends with the inner circle of your dear person, in this way trying to say: "I'm good, I'm doing everything right."

But try to listen to your desires and determine which way of communicating with these people suits you the most. Do not be afraid to dream up, play this way to yourself and see what emotions and feelings it will evoke in you.

However, do not deceive yourself: if a certain “I don’t want to” is found, it will have to be legalized, that is, admit it at least to yourself. Thus, it will be easier to understand that you do not need such communication.

your rights

For all those who love to be tormented by guilt, it is good to have The Rights of the Self-Confident Person (from the Bill of Psychological Rights of the Person, an unofficial document developed by the American Psychological Association) handy.

Each person has the right to evaluate his own behavior, thoughts, feelings and be responsible for them.
Everyone has the right not to make excuses and not to explain their actions to others.
Everyone has the right to refuse a request without feeling guilty, and decide for himself whether he wants to take responsibility for solving other people's problems.
Everyone has the right to change their decisions.
Every person has the right to ignorance, to make illogical decisions, not to be perfect.

Are you afraid to offend

Perhaps you yourself do not want to tenderly be friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others expect this from you. Those whom you love very much and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You make a lot of efforts, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and you yourself are offended by him - because a loved one does not understand you, does not see how bad you feel in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end in a spoiled relationship, for the benefit of which you tried so hard.. Some call it female wisdom, which, however, is customary to cover up anything, from the fear of changing one's life for the better to outright stupidity.

What to do: Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: “Understand that all your “sacrifices” in the name of general peace are absolutely in vain. While you are suffering in silence, others are sure that everything is in order, and if one day you try to present your suffering as a kind of feat for the sake of your loved one, most likely they will simply not understand you. Agree, it is strange to do what you do not want, and at the same time remain silent.

Sooner or later, you will simply explode and throw out everything that has accumulated over a long time, without controlling your emotions. At the same time, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you have not shown discontent before, it means that everything suited you. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you run the risk of being branded as an unbalanced hysteric.

The best way out is a direct conversation, but based not on the personality of an unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. Compromise can always be found, but any compromise starts with a frank conversation.". It is possible that the one you are so afraid of offending will really try to be offended. If a loved one stubbornly refuses to listen to you and your desires, it remains just to put him before the fact and remind you that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.

Dangerous for health

The ability to think about the feelings of loved ones and the desire to see them happy and contented are worthy of respect. But if at the same time you forget about your emotions and comfort, such psychological “forbearance” threatens with nervous breakdowns and, as a result, various diseases.

Psychologist Elena Kuzeeva has no doubts: “If you have noticed the peculiarity of “endure and forgive everything” and at the same time you are characterized by psychosomatic illnesses, the best solution would be to go for a consultation with an experienced specialist. You need emotional support and help in developing the ability to build boundaries in communication, plus you need to deal with defense mechanisms that have grown stronger over the years. And it's not always easy to do it alone."

Used to communicate

You communicate with a colleague from times that no one else in the team remembers. But some years have passed - and you have no common interests left. Or, moreover, you become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you experience only irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: communication should be curtailed or reduced to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in reality, everything is not so cloudless.

What to do: “If you don’t just disagree, but you actually experience negative emotions when communicating with a person, it’s better to gradually reduce contact to nothing,” says Marianna Volkova. - Over time, people change, and perhaps you really are no longer on the road. Of course, it's a shame to refuse a friend with whom he spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, but communication as a ritual that accompanied every stage of our life.

Such relationships can often be compared to many years of marriage, in which feelings have become a habit. You will most likely be sorry and insulting to interrupt them. In this case, it helps to think about the feelings of the opponent. After all, a person sincerely believes that everything is as before, and strives for communication. So even out of respect for your many years of friendship - stop pretending that everything is okay. You have 2 options: either honestly admit your feelings, or carefully reduce communication to the level at which you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to turn a blind eye to the situation.

If they don't want to talk to you

But what if you find yourself in any of the situations listed above, but on the other side of the barricade? “When you are suddenly denied communication, you, most often, begin to delve into yourself and look for reasons,” Marianna Volkova reflects. “Because you can’t understand how you – so good and who didn’t do anything bad to a person – are ignored.

You can, of course, torment yourself and loved ones with endless “why?”. You can even arrange a confrontation and try to call a person who does not accept you for a frank conversation. But in this case, you risk at least putting yourself and your opponent in an uncomfortable position. As a maximum, provoke a conflict that both of you could do without. It is best, of course, to leave the right for a person to choose with whom and how to communicate.

How to fit in

In fairness, it should be said that simply cutting off all contacts with an unpleasant person is not always realistic. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly tell the boss that you no longer want to see him and that all work questions are now by corporate mail. We'll have to find a way to adjust. Let's say a citizen doesn't do anything bad to you personally, but at the same time he's terribly annoying. You are looking for a clue, but you do not see it - it just infuriates, that's all.

“If you feel irritation in the society of a certain person for no apparent reason, you should first understand yourself,” hints Elena Kuzeeva. “Perhaps the unfortunate has nothing to do with it. You may find that he resembles another person from the past with whom unpleasant emotions are associated. Or you feel next to him your inferiority in any area. Perhaps you had some expectations about him, and they were not met. After identifying and understanding the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear.

If you understand perfectly well what exactly pisses you off, it remains to try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises treat every meeting with an unpleasant person, as, for example, going to the dentist- so-so joy, but necessary. “It helps a lot to realize that of the two of you, only you spend nerve cells. He doesn't care if he annoys you."

There lived a man. Not too sociable. In the mornings, he was terrified at the mere thought of going to the office and talking to people. In the evenings, he wanted to be alone as soon as possible, so he turned down all offers of colleagues to dine together. And on the weekends, when his friends were hanging out in noisy clubs, he would sit at home and read books.

If it seems to you that this story is about you, then you are a real introvert. Do not worry. Are you okay. But you need to learn how to live with pleasure, not waste energy and succeed in this noisy world where most people are obsessed with communication.

An introvert in an extrovert world

Some people cannot live without communication and new experiences. For them, there is no worse punishment than being alone for a long time. They need constant external stimulation to feel energized and alert. After a busy day at work, they would rather go to a fun, noisy party than spend the evening at home with a book in their hands. They easily make acquaintances, make decisions quickly and begin to act almost immediately. These are typical extroverts. And they are the majority in our world.

Today, many believe that only such a model of behavior allows them to achieve success and recognition. The qualities of an extrovert are indeed very important in a variety of areas, such as business, where the emphasis is on teamwork, or sales. Generally, outgoing people are perceived as more friendly, confident, and helpful. Sometimes it seems that in the modern world there is simply no place for introverts.

Does this mean that something is wrong with quiet, thoughtful, solitude-loving introverts? And do they have to break themselves in order to adapt to the demands of our crazy world? Of course not. If only extroverts inhabited the planet, we would not have Sir Isaac Newton's law of universal gravitation, Albert Einstein's theory of relativity, Frederic Chopin's nocturnes, George Orwell's 1984, Steven Spielberg's Schindler's List, Sergey Brin and Larry Page's Google, Harry Potter by JK Rowling, Sunflowers by Vincent van Gogh.

It's time for all of us to get rid of the preconceived notion of introversion.

Don't confuse introversion with shyness, a quality that extroverts sometimes have. A shy person is afraid of making a bad impression on others, but at the same time he may want to communicate more. An introvert is simply tired and exhausted by an excess of external stimuli - vanity, noise, chatter.

The main difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that each of them gives strength, and what takes away them. An introvert draws energy from himself. In order to be cheerful and balanced, he needs full access to his thoughts, feelings and sensations. And an extrovert is literally charged from the outside world. He is just happy if there are a lot of people around and life is seething around.

Despite all prejudices, introverts can be just as confident, friendly, curious, and successful as extroverts. They just need much more silence, peace and solitude.

Choose what suits you

Accept yourself for who you are. Stop feeling guilty about turning down an invitation to dinner in favor of reading a good book. If you like to dine in a restaurant all by yourself, feel free to do so. And, of course, there is nothing wrong with the fact that you prefer serious, meaningful conversations with your best friend to noisy parties.

Spend your free time the way you like it, not the way you think it should be done. Stay at home on New Year's Eve if that makes you happy. Skip pointless meetings. Cross over to the other side of the street to avoid idle chatter with casual acquaintances.

For an introvert, as for any person, relationships are important, but you should look for quality in them, not quantity. A narrow circle of friends is enough to be happy. Treasure loved ones, take care of them. Work with those colleagues whom you treat with sympathy and respect. Search among new acquaintances for those who you like. And don't force yourself to associate with everyone else.

Try to find an interesting, inspiring job that uses your strengths: perseverance, deep thinking, concentration, insight and sensitivity. While extroverts tend to excel in the public sphere, introverts are most likely to succeed in theoretical and aesthetic activities. In many areas (for example, in art or science) it is impossible to achieve serious results without solitude.

Ideal for an introvert -. But if you are forced to work in a team, think about how to minimize the noise and fuss that distracts you from important tasks. Maybe you will agree with your superiors on a personal account and take on projects that do not require teamwork.

When to wear an extrovert mask

A significant part of our personality is determined by genes, brain, nervous system. Nevertheless, we are able to adapt to the environment and expand the limits of our capabilities to a certain extent.

No introvert can become an extrovert. At the same time, almost everyone can learn how to maintain small talk, speak in public, contact strangers, and behave calmly and naturally during meetings.

Some introverts manage to hide their true selves for years. Of course, this should not be done. In many cases, it's best to stay in your comfort zone. However, sometimes circumstances force us to adapt to the world of extroverts. When there are no other options, you can pretend to be a little more active and sociable. But only for a while.

You don't have to wear an extrovert mask to live up to someone's expectations. But it can be worn briefly for key personal projects - for the work that you consider truly important, as well as for the people you love, or anything that you highly value. The main thing is to apply this method within reasonable limits and not forget about your true needs.

If you're doing something out of character for one of your key personal projects, don't suppress your character too hard or for too long. In order not to burn out, try to create “recovery niches” in your daily life. It could be a place where you go to be yourself (like the nearest park), or a period of time (say, a short break between business calls).

Make an agreement with extroverts

It is not uncommon for introverts to marry or befriend extroverts. In such an alliance, it can be difficult for people to understand each other's needs: one person wants to have a party, and the second wants to spend time together; one dreams of getting out somewhere on the weekend, and the second is quite satisfied with a cozy sofa, favorite book and family board games.

It makes no sense to argue whose option is better. It's just that what suits an introvert can be exhausting and boring for an extrovert. And vice versa. The only way to peaceful coexistence is to conclude an agreement under which everyone will receive what he needs.

For example, you can agree to go out half the time and stay at home half the time. The agreement also applies when you come to your best friend for a bachelorette party, and she is sympathetic to your absence for three days before the wedding.

Be sure to discuss these rules with loved ones who are prone to extraversion in order to protect them and yourself from conflicts, ridiculous resentments and misunderstandings in the future.

Make an agreement with yourself

In some situations, it is useful to agree with yourself. For example, if you live alone but want to find a loved one, you will have to force yourself to attend public events. It makes sense to decide in advance how often you can go out - once a week, month or quarter. As soon as the quota is met, you will have the right to stay at home without being tormented by remorse.

Or, let's say you dream of starting your own company and working from home. In this case, you need to spend some time establishing a business relationship. Enter into such an agreement with yourself: once a week you will attend an event and make one useful acquaintance. On other days, you can relax and live the way you like.

How to raise an introverted child

If your child prefers solitude and his own fantasies to noisy games with peers, then you definitely have an introvert growing up. And, of course, you must help him cope with the rumbling outside world.

Do not try to fill all the child's free time with some additional activities and do not force him to communicate with those who are unpleasant to him. It is already difficult for him to survive the school day. Do not mind if he wants to retire to his room or leave the birthday a little earlier than other children.

Explain to an introverted child why he feels stressed when he is in a noisy company for a long time. Let him know that his feelings are completely natural. Think together about how often he should meet with friends and when is the best time to do so. Develop and discuss strategies to help you stay calm and energized throughout the day.

At school, introverts constantly find themselves in situations that are uncomfortable for themselves, so they cannot fully demonstrate their abilities. Treat this with understanding and start devoting more time to independent work at home. Or consider transferring your child to homeschooling.

In most cases, introverts have one or two major passions (such as drawing, building, or writing stories) that are not always shared by their peers. Praise your child for doing their hobbies, encourage and help find like-minded people. He will benefit from some participation in collective work. However, this work should take place in small groups (two or three people each).

Do everything possible so that the child acquires the necessary communication skills, learns to calmly perceive new situations and new people, but otherwise let him be himself and in no case try to save him from introversion. Rejoice in his original thinking. Be proud of the strength of his consciousness and loyalty to friends. And sincerely praise when he succeeds in his favorite activities.

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Question to the psychologist:

Hello! In my life there is only work and parents with whom I live. And also a dog. Everything is fine at work, I enjoy building a career, I easily communicate with people, solve problems, show emotions ... That is, I have no problems with communication, no fears or insecurities .. I have always had friends, and still have. .. But I don’t want to communicate with anyone anymore .. Although I really like to communicate .. And I always have something to say, tell, discuss, and so on .. However, I’m tired of adapting to people or something .. Or maybe arguing about that "what I need and what not", "that it's time for me to get married" or something else .. Any personal conversation ends with negative emotions for me. Either people do not want to understand me, or I have ceased to strive to understand them ... Sometimes I want to go to live in some wilderness with my dog and spend the rest of my days alone in search of harmony. It's the same with men. Before, I really needed a relationship .. Now I’m even too lazy to start communication - I know how it will end (misunderstanding, incompatibility, tears and parting, well, not now, in a year, 10 years, 20 years .. it doesn’t matter). On the one hand, I want to have a socially adequate status, give birth to children and "be like everyone else", on the other hand - do not marry the first person you meet! I don't need compromises. If a person does not understand me, then this is not my person, and there is nothing to break myself and him, to adapt .. I want to communicate, but with a "native soul", whether it be a girlfriend or a man .. But, alas, I have been like that for many years I have not met ... And I think there is every chance that I will spend my whole life alone, I am even mentally ready for this, since I have already decided - I will either be happy or alone. But it's a little scary.. Will I turn into an old maid with mental disabilities? Is it normal at all? What is the reason for what is happening? Is it worth it to go against your condition and try to continue to communicate with friends, go out somewhere, get to know each other and try to build relationships? Or is there nothing wrong with what is happening?

The psychologist Evgenia Vasilievna Varaksina answers the question.

Hello Irina!

Thanks for your letter. Let's try to answer your questions together.

The first thing I would like to draw attention to is the contradictions in your letter (why is this important? - because they reflect the contradictions in your life). You write: "I have always had friends, and even now I have ..." and at the same time "I want to communicate, but with a" kindred soul ", whether it be a girlfriend or a man .. But, alas, I have not had such friends for many years met..." and "Any personal conversation ends with negative emotions for me." Another point: you ask a lot of questions in your letter aimed at understanding yourself, your condition, and at the same time write "I don't need compromises. If a person does not understand me, then this is not my person, and there is nothing to break yourself and him, adjust .. " .

Can you say that you understand yourself 100%? Most probably not. The process of self-knowledge is endless. But if this is so, is it possible to demand a complete understanding of oneself from another person. You are not ready to compromise. Are you ready to take full responsibility for uncompromisingness? Imagine, please, your life in a year: you narrow the circle of personal communication more and more, close yourself and find mutual understanding less and less. Imagine your whole life in detail: work, parents, dog. Now imagine your life in five years, now in 30-40 years, when your parents will no longer be with you. If everything suits you, why not: every person has the right to choose his own destiny. If something in this view seemed uncomfortable to you, there is time to change the model of the future before it becomes the present.

Communication with people is a very delicate thing, in it we learn the art of balance: to open up exactly as much as the other is able to appreciate it and carefully preserve it; say - without saying too much; to understand oneself through another, to see one's qualities in the other as in a mirror. By refusing to communicate, we lose many opportunities for development.

If others annoy you with the fact that they know "what you need and what not" and "that it's time for you to get married" - perhaps you should see this as a reflection of your uncompromising attitude. These people are also uncompromising in their understanding of a correct and happy life, but do you like it? You are right that often people think traditionally and try to impose their life experience and path on others and often even unconsciously want to make them repeat their mistakes and be just as unhappy. But why does it bother you so much? You can understand what is happening, why people say this, and not let it into you - "like water off a duck's back" - why do you get upset with such conversations? and "any personal conversation ends with negative emotions"? You are not obliged to repeat other people's scenarios and someone else's life (especially often not very happy).

Now you have a vision of life as black and white, or-or. Or stay alone for life, or "marry the first person you meet." Both options are extreme, and extremes are dangerous (like temperature drops from -40 to +40 - no asphalt can withstand without damage, let alone a person). Arguing in this logic, it is necessary either not to work at all, or to get an ideal job: with a wise boss, friendly team, high salary, big vacation; or wear nothing at all, or wear the best dress in the world ... Then another question: do you yourself correspond to an ideal job? For example, you do not understand and do not strive to understand people, but in an ideal job there is a friendly team. Do you understand what I mean?

In principle, everything you write about is true: a kindred spirit, complete mutual understanding. lack of disappointment. Are you the only one who fits this? What kind of complete understanding can we talk about if you no longer want to understand other people? The more we want, the more we must work. Are you ready for this kind of work? After all, in order for a partner not to disappoint, you yourself must be able not to disappoint another even once. First we must demand from ourselves, only then we have the right to want this from another. Are you able to understand another person completely? Then you can safely want it from another. Rating 4.99 (46 votes)

Sometimes there are people along the way that you want to avoid. You can try to avoid meeting this person altogether, but it is not always possible to completely avoid communication with him. There are several ways to block out people you don't want to talk to, such as surrounding yourself with nice people or avoiding certain situations.

Steps

Learn to be comfortable around people

Keep a positive attitude. Sometimes there is no desire to talk with this or that person, and therefore his company makes you uncomfortable. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are a wonderful person to talk to. And be sure to remind yourself that you have the right to personal space, and the expression of feelings, which helps to feel at ease, is an absolutely normal practice.
- Focus on what you want right now and what makes you happy. Then try to find people who share your position. Don't try to avoid those who radiate negativity, but instead try to surround yourself with people who are like you and who you feel comfortable around.
- Thoughts affect not only mood, but also actions. Smile and take a moment to tell yourself that you are exactly where you need to be.
- A positive attitude will help attract other friendly people.
Participate in activities that you enjoy. Communication in any place and at any time will not always give you pleasure, but if you do what you love, then those people with whom it will be pleasant to communicate will definitely appear around you.
- In school years, you can join a group or circle according to personal interests. And it doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert, there are plenty of extracurricular electives for all personality types. You can find an occupation and a company of people with common interests anywhere, both in theatrical productions and in athletics.
- In addition to giving you confidence and connecting with like-minded people, doing what you love will also allow you to do something useful and avoid situations and personalities that you would prefer not to encounter.
Enjoy the fruits of your life experience. Do not worry too much about the fate of other people and how this may affect you, but rather just enjoy life. It is not your fault that the person is being aggressive or intentionally trying to upset you.
- Often people splash out their dissatisfaction on others because of their own complexes.
- Direct your energy to enjoy the fruits of your labor, because it is easier to isolate yourself from unpleasant personalities. You simply will not have a free minute to sort things out with a person who is unpleasant to you.
Spend time with friends. Whether it's a social environment, school or work, surrounded by like-minded people you will feel much more comfortable.
- Enlist the support of friends if you often find yourself in situations where you have to be around unpleasant people or personalities with whom you do not want to talk.
- Tell your friends about the person you are bored with. Calmly explain the reason and ask friends to provide a reliable barrier if this person approaches you.
Deal with the person you don't like
1. Be respectful. Keep yourself within the bounds of decency if you come face to face with a person with whom you do not want to communicate due to his ignorance or if a certain history connects you. An exchange of a few words will be quite enough if you behave correctly and do not allow the other person to provoke you to counter rudeness.
  - It is not always possible to completely isolate yourself from a person with whom you do not want to talk. However, it is possible to minimize communication if your face expresses courtesy and indifference.
  - Stop and take a deep breath. Focus on your needs. Your goal is to complete this interaction as soon as possible.
  - Politely walk away from the conversation. Don't be like your interlocutor. Remain calm and say that you need to meet a friend or it's time to run to a meeting. So you can get out of the situation with dignity.
2. Set boundaries ahead of time. You do not have to constantly explain to the person with whom you want to avoid communication why exactly he should not cross the line, but you need to determine the limits of what is permitted. In the future, you must strictly follow these rules.
  - Limitations are both emotional and physical. You have the right to personal space. Therefore, it is necessary to explain in an accessible way that this is very important to you.
  - Whether it's a co-worker, classmate, or ex-partner, be clear about how and when you're ready to interact with them. Despite all the complexity, do not be afraid to act straightforward.
  - If a person has previously violated the boundaries of your personal space, then the next time you meet, just tell him not to come so close. In addition, at the very beginning of the conversation, you can immediately focus on the fact that you have very little time. Or let us know that you prefer to communicate via SMS or e-mail.
3. Ignore the person. Most likely, you are not the only one who yearns to get rid of his annoying attention. Pay attention to how other people interact with him. If you have already tried all the tactful methods, and none of them worked, then you can simply ignore the person. Ask the team to help find the best way to solve this problem.
  - Sometimes relationships do not bring the desired result. For example, this can happen with a former partner or even a colleague. Just ignore this person if you've made attempts to distance yourself and failed.
  - Complete disregard is not the easiest way, especially if a person is persistent, but the firmness of the decision will gradually lead to the desired result.
  - To declare a boycott does not mean to make fun of a person, to make a displeased face in his presence or to gesture indecently. It just suggests acting like the person isn't around at all. However, do not pretend that it does not exist in the literal sense. It is necessary to be above the current situation and shy away from spending time together and staying in one place.
Disconnect from the person completely/completely
1. Avoid situations where there is a possibility of human contact. Sometimes it is necessary to make changes in your life in order to move away from a person with whom you do not want to communicate. You should not go to a party or meeting if you are aware of his presence there.
  - You should not resort to this method if you are in a situation that cannot be evaded, such as at school or at work. In this case, refuse to attend ceremonial events in order to avoid meeting with this or that person.
  - Tell a friend in advance that you won't be coming to the event. Be honest with your friend when explaining the reason, but don't do it in a rude manner.
  - When you notice a person you want to avoid communicating with or meeting, consider changing your location. For example, while relaxing in a bar or at a party, you can go to another room so as not to stumble upon an unpleasant person.
2. Ask for help. If you really want to avoid meeting a certain person, but it's hard to do it alone, then ask other people to help you. Ask your friends, parents, boss or class teacher for help.
  - You should discuss the problem with an authority figure who can help with the situation, such as your boss or school counselor, if you can't isolate yourself from the person because you're in the same class or work together.
  - Calmly explain why you are not able to be in the company of this person. Perhaps his presence interferes with work due to a constant feeling of discomfort. Or you can't focus on the topic of the lesson because this person is constantly pestering you. Tell your manager why it is necessary to remove you from the process of interaction with this person.
3. Cut all ties. If there is such an opportunity, express everything directly to your face and end the relationship in one fell swoop. You can simply cut off all ties if you are pestered by a former partner whom you no longer want to see and hear, or a person from a company of mutual friends.
  - Set boundaries and don't apologize. Your own health and emotional peace should come first. No matter how difficult, tell this person that you no longer intend to continue any communication with him.
  - Stick to the chosen line of conduct. Some won't leave you so easily, but you did the right thing when you declared your intentions. After that, do not enter into a dialogue.
  - It will be the right decision to directly communicate that you no longer want to talk to a person and see him. Sometimes words get through much faster if you're straight forward and a little bit harsh. At first, there is a feeling of anger, but try to carry out your plans and remember that this will be better for your well-being.
- You don't have to make eye contact, but be polite and make it clear that you're not in the best mood right now.
- Change your route and habits to avoid the person.
- Calmly explain to the person that you can't talk at the moment.
- Show respect if approached. However, set limits ahead of time.
- If the person is angry with you, take a step back (literally) as slowly as possible, think carefully about the next words/actions, and determine the appropriate course of action in the current situation.