Undoubtedly, the Ego is a natural psychological phenomenon in the life and destiny of a person.

Egocentrism implies a person's need to direct inner attention to himself for the purpose of self-knowledge, satisfaction of his true needs and creative self-expression. In this sense, the stronger the Ego, the better the person is aware of his own interests and intentions. A person with a strong ego develops as an individual and strives to realize and express his innate unique properties. A strong ego allows a person to obey, first of all, his own interests and aspirations. The egocentric, at its core, is a pronounced individualist.

A person with a "strong ego" has the following characteristics:

He is objective in his assessments of the surrounding world and himself; its activities are organized over a longer period of time so that planning and order are possible;

He is able to carry out the decisions made and, without hesitation, choose from the available alternatives;

He does not blindly submit to his aspirations and can direct them to a socially useful channel;

He is able to withstand direct pressure from the physical and social environment, thinking and choosing his own course.

On the other hand, an individual with a "weak ego" is more like a child:

His behavior is impulsive and determined by the moment;

The perception of reality and oneself is distorted;
- he achieves less success in productive work, since his energy is spent on defending distorted and unrealistic ideas about himself;

He may suffer from neurotic symptoms.

If the egocentric principle in a person swells excessively and the person loses interest in the surrounding reality and the interests of other people to one degree or another, then such a person is usually called an egoist. The egoist believes that only he should be interested in himself, and everything else is secondary and deserves attention in relatively rare cases. Creativity (creative self-expression) and a person's search for his destiny are based on the activity of the Ego. Most religious and philosophical teachings and schools form egregors that control the consciousness of the masses and call for obedience and strict obedience to certain practices and traditions. I wonder why enlightened masters do not study the term “ego” more deeply, but repeat after their predecessors such nonsense that it needs to be got rid of. That a person's ego is just a figment of his imagination... It's ridiculous... A person loses initiative, selfishness, responsibility for his life and significance in society. He becomes a puppet of these controlling forces, a weak-willed slave and lives like an animal... After all, he does not need anything, except for the realization that everything is an illusion, and then he sees a sweet dream about the "dream" of this reality, and is even proud of this knowledge... isn't that ego?

A strong ego will outgrow the dominant influence of egregors. Perhaps many followers and adherents of religious and philosophical teachings and schools put a different meaning into the concept of "Ego", implying the concept of "human personality". But the personality cannot be the Ego! Personality is a way of self-expression of a person in society and determines his lifestyle and role in relation to society. Personality is one of the means (tools) of the existence of the Ego. So what is ego? We hear a lot about him, but almost no one can understand - in general, what is his concept? Its concept is very confused in our society. Some say that the ego must be killed and destroyed, some say that it simply does not exist, some write that the ego is a concept of "I" that must be recognized and freed from it. And many hide from their ego and consider it a source of suffering. So where is the truth? A person can be so well brainwashed that even looking at point-blank range, he may not see some things. This is me about myself).

Wikipedia clearly states what ego is. Ego (lat. ego - “I”) - according to psychoanalytic theory, that part of the human personality that is recognized as “I” and is in contact with the outside world through perception ... I re-read this definition many times until the blinders of my mind collapsed ... It turns out that everything is written correctly in Wikipedia, but you just need to understand it directly and simply. The ego is the true I of a person, the real I. This I DOES NOT HAVE A DEFINITION and indication, but is perceived as the essence of a person. And you don't have to get rid of it. Ego - I am I, without any definition and representation. The ego is not an illusion or a concept of "I". It is life itself, God himself in man. It's you, man. There is no other entity above your Ego. There is only life as your ego and personality in a human body..

Many write that the Ego is a concept and an illusion that needs to be got rid of. But it's not. Read what the image of "I" is on Wikipedia and see the difference. Self-concept (or self-image) is a relatively stable, conscious and verbal representation of a person about himself. This is not the I of a person, but only a hologram of the “I” in consciousness, and here it is the source of your suffering, and not the Ego. Even if you delve into the etymology of the word "ego", you can see that the letter "e" means "going out", and "go" is the Lord, master, Divine energy. It turns out that the meaning of the word Ego is “the energy of God coming out from within.” How can you get rid of yourself? After all, it is your nature. Your life energy. It's you yourself.

Concepts such as inflated ego, monstrous ego, strong or weak ego, false or true ego, small or big ego, superego, etc. - they are not entirely correct and refer to manifestations of a person who has such qualities as greed , greed, pride, envy, resentment, etc. This already applies to morality and education in society. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the Ego that is inside every person, as his true Self and his life. It is neither good nor bad, it is neither useful nor harmful, it just is.

Life itself is selfish in nature. Look around, everything living is selfish! So where did this egoism in you come from and what is its reason for? .. But this. There is one God, the Absolute, who exists in the singular. One single Consciousness, one single Life in the universe. And there are no two Lives, no two Consciousnesses. God realizes Himself as "I exist alone and there is no one else but Me." And this is the truth. The Unified Consciousness is selfish in its total loneliness. God is playing with Himself. This is the Essence of egoism in a person, as in the Unit of consciousness of life, expressed in the desire to Be.

Your Ego is the inner strength and energy for the development of you as a whole being. This is the energy of Life, this is God in you. Ego is Life, it is You. From the point of view of the human mind, egoism is perceived as a division into Self and non-Self, therefore, possessive love arises, the need for personal happiness, the desire for personal pleasures, the protection of personal interests and selfishness. And from the point of view of God, the One Consciousness, present in everything, egoism is also expressed in love for Oneself, as for All that exists. This absolute egoism is the same in a person, but only distorted by the “I-image” of the personality. If you draw schematically, then you can imagine such a picture. The divine life in man expresses itself as the Ego, its energy being refracted by the prism of the "I" image in the mind and dissipated in the personality of man.

The war against the Ego is beneficial to the ruling circles that manipulate humanity. It was they who sponsored and promoted religions and spiritual teachings, where a person renounces his Self, closes his eyes to himself and turns away from his Ego. There is a long-term campaign to bend people to their will, and for this, the media, religions and spiritual teachings about enlightenment are used. Everything for a person to give up his self, his individuality, his strength and become a slave, an obedient biorobot in the hands of the masters of the planet. The concept of non-acceptance of the Ego, the idea that egoism is very bad, and allegedly it is the source of human suffering, has been introduced into the consciousness of mankind for a long time. The desire to suppress the ego was declared the highest virtue. So the Ego fell into disgrace, becoming almost a curse. The consequence of this was a low self-esteem of the individual and the destruction of the individuality of a person. See what hidden messages are included in the mechanism of social control: “Be like everyone else! Don't stand out from the crowd! Live for society! Love everyone! Don't think about yourself! Pay no attention to yourself! Do not conflict! Submit to any authority! Listen to the authorities! Be patient if "strong"! Turn the other cheek when they hit you! Rejoice in the punishments, they will make you better! Don't be selfish! Sacrifice yourself! The team matters! You are ordinary, not unique! Sit quietly and don't lean out! Be humble and obedient!”….

Do you see these slogans in the egregore of society? The same idea is supported by religious priests of all stripes and enlightened masters who preach deliverance from the Ego. Although, perhaps they themselves do not know that they are accomplices of these hidden dictators. The consequences of the renunciation of one's own ego manifest themselves in different ways. It can be low self-esteem, and oppressed human dignity, and the inability to stand up for one’s interests, and the fear of appearing different, self-flagellation and constant guilt, fear of openly looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, dissatisfaction with life, dislike for one’s own body and neglect their health, alcoholism, smoking, drug addiction, dependence on authorities, suppression of crimes, lack of courage, unwillingness to take responsibility for their lives, running away from difficulties and changes, isolation and indecision, resentment and distrust of the world, blaming others for their problems and much more . The downtrodden Ego of a person is beneficial to hidden dictators ... We have been humiliated, bent over and "beaten with a stick on the head" if we dare to raise our heads. And one of the reasons for this is the weak energy of our ego. Watch the movie Strangers Among Us, it shows what is happening in our society today...

Now let's look at what if our ego were realized. Such a person shows love for himself. He has a certain inner core, he radiates strength and energy, courage and dignity. He has good self-esteem and willpower. It supports a healthy lifestyle. Protects own interests. Achieves set goals. Enjoys respect in society. Realizes his abilities and talents. Engaged in self-education and creativity. Helps others to develop. Lives a busy life. He feels responsible for his life and creates his own destiny. He is sincere and real. He declares himself and is a gift to the world. This is the purpose of a person in life, when the energy of the Ego is enough to bloom the flower of uniqueness. If a person loves himself, he loves his ego. All motives that impel a person to act come from the ego. To see this, you need to be very sincere and honest with yourself.

Once again I emphasize that you do not need to get rid of your Ego and egoism, even if you are told this by spiritual masters and religious adepts. The proof of this is that after the “liberation” the enlightened ones still have the Ego and the egoism inherent in their individuality. No one has ever been freed from the Ego, and there is no need for that in this world.

The source of your suffering is the image of "I" in your mind. It is a construction of thoughts and beliefs about oneself, a prism, an illusion, a concept of the mind. The image of "I" is not the Ego, it is only an image ... Consider it, find it, find it and realize that you are not this image. Don't touch your ego...

As a rule, in esoteric literature of various kinds and meanings, authors and teachers like to say about the harm of the ego. Their formulations are perceived unequivocally - all troubles are from the Ego. However, is the ego really that bad?

The ego is our shell. Those. a kind of boundary conditionally separating the inner world from the outer. It is this border that filters the information that comes to us and we see a limited picture of the world. The active yogi, for the most part, seeks to erase the ego.

Imagine for a moment that the ego has disappeared. And our tiny consciousness is forced to perceive not a small piece of reality, but the entire universe. What will happen then?

Have you ever seen a skinny trying to lift a 500kg barbell? And if there is no one nearby on insurance, how long do you think he will last? Second maximum. And the bar will knock him to the floor forever. Without the help of the Ego the same thing will happen to the consciousness. After all, it is the uncontrolled change in the boundaries of the Ego in drug addicts and alcoholics that leads to diseases of the mind. But this category still has limits and they still look like separate individuals. What if they were removed altogether? Consciousness will be crushed by a higher volume of consciousness of the world (God), just as the body of a skinny will be crushed by a barbell.

CONCLUSION: The ego protects the fragile consciousness of a person and gives him the opportunity to gradually increase the strength of this very consciousness.

How does the ego work?

The ego is a self-regulating system that can increase or decrease the protective border in proportion to the strength of consciousness. Simply put, the higher the consciousness, the less the need for the Ego, the lower the consciousness, the stronger the protective properties of the Ego.

Under the protective properties of the Ego, I mean various psychoenergetic blocks in the subtle bodies of a person. They are formed at different levels of the Ego: physical (clamps, illnesses), ethereal, astral (emotions, suppressed feelings), mental (behavioral algorithms, habits). Naturally, they are all connected and this division is conditional.

Example: there is a dialogue between two people. One of them teases the other. Something like "where are you before them." Or "you can't do anything." The second one has 2 options: either to keep its own self-assessment and not react directly to the “jokes” (the path of consciousness) or refuse to develop the power of consciousness and then the Ego will automatically form a clot of energy in the aura, which will block the passage of information (energy) related to the topic conversation. In later life, this may manifest itself in the form of low self-esteem, disbelief in one's own strengths, etc.

Similar examples can be formed in any situation. In fact, all the notorious freedom of choice does not depend at all on what exactly a person chooses. The question is simpler - whether the choice is conscious or automatic.

Conscious choice means that consciousness seeks to capture the situation as a whole. Thus, the available volume of consciousness increases. Regardless of the result of the action, the consciousness of a person becomes stronger. Or else they say that a person gains experience.

“For one beaten they give two unbeaten”
(beaten folk wisdom)

Another thing is when the decision is made automatically or under the influence of circumstances. When, in fact, a person “broke” inside. In this case, consciousness "collapses". He can pretend that he is still thinking, assessing the situation. But at the same time, the decision is transferred to the external will. External will can be represented as advice, a threat, an internal fear developed by the previous history of the personality (Ego block). A characteristic feature of such a decision is not taking responsibility. Accordingly, the Ego automatically seeks to protect the collapsing consciousness, which has not coped with the choice, insures our skinny hero. And he puts a block under the falling bar in the form of a perception restriction.

What happens during various special practices for the elimination of the Ego?

(for example, the practice of Kundalini Yoga, visualization, etc.)

They remove blocks and remove limitations in perception. Those. a person again has the opportunity to receive information that was previously dangerous for his consciousness. ATTENTION! A PERSON HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECEIVE INFORMATION! But how he will dispose of it - only his choice. And if he again fails to cope with the flow of external force, the Ego will again form a block, sometimes even stronger than the previous one. Therefore, when dealing with the removal of such blocks, one must be ready to pass the challenges that have not been passed before with dignity.

From personal practice and observations: many yoga practitioners expect magic from practices. The thought is “I’ll do meditation/kriya/shabd - and I’ll immediately get a family/money/power and so on.” The key mistake in this understanding is that practice only provides an opportunity to get life situations in which one can accumulate consciousness of the required quality. And already the use of the power of consciousness acquired in life will lead to a result. Without practice, these situations can also be overcome, but you will have to remove the blocks along the way and only by an effort of will. We can say that practice is a little doping, but you have to go the distance yourself.

SUMMARY: The ego is a protective shell designed to help the development of consciousness and regulate the external load on it.

It is neither bad nor good. It's just a tool.
The ego as a boundary works on different levels: physical, ethereal, astral, mental. The stronger the consciousness, i.e. the more complex situations the mind can retain control over decision making, the less ego is required. Accordingly, enlightenment / liberation / transition are all goals that speak of the development of such a power of consciousness, after which the physical part of the Ego, which has a limited time of existence, will not be required for the life of consciousness. And the consciousness will be able to withstand the flow of external force relying on the finer components of the boundaries of the personality.

PS: For the most inquisitive. The "sense of self-importance" is one of the protective blocks in the Ego, and not the shell itself. Actually, perhaps that is why it often occurs in people who have been humiliated. Moreover, both other people directly and the dogmas of society indirectly could humiliate (such as unspoken attitudes “the work of a seamstress is not prestigious, all successful people have long been in show business”).

All human desires, goals and fears originate from the ego. It is the ego that is considered the source of mental suffering, as it gives a person a false identification, forcing him to focus on a sense of his own importance, the value of those objects that he owns. Thus, the fanatic affirms his significance through the deification of the things he fanatics about. The musician is looking for confirmation of his greatness in the presence of "iconic" creations. A loving husband identifies his worth with his wife's love. As you can see, the ego is always an identification with something outside of ourselves. But you can come to your true self only by freeing yourself from it. And for this you need to understand how the ego expresses itself.

False "I" or 15 variants of the manifestation of the Ego

1. Thirst for attention

It is expressed in an attempt to gain recognition from the surrounding people, to shock the public with their appearance, the high cost of clothing, a sharp mind, humor and other show-offs, the purpose of which is to show off, show oneself special and feed the ego.

2. Challenge in the style of "who is cooler?"

Especially such a person likes to measure eggs to prove to society who is the most important here. "I'll do it all!" - declares an overestimated heart rate. "Your problems are nonsense, and my difficulties are hoo."

3. Pleasure from compliments

The ego simply loves praise and honors addressed to him: “how smart and advanced you are”, “nothing would have happened without you.” Self-importance inflates self-esteem like a balloon.

4. Love for controversy

The habit of using any lies to win back one’s point of view in a dispute, to defend one’s own vision of the situation is nothing more than an attempt to protect one’s values, hide inner uncertainty, defend part of one’s “I”.

5. Self-admiration

When we look at ourselves as if from a groan and at the same time admire - this is also a kind of way to fuel the ego. What can we say about the "humble" who speak of themselves as geniuses, great people or historical figures, in fact, they are not.

6. Desire to instruct

A condescending smile, disrespect for the “stupid” interlocutor, the desire to open his eyes and show him the “true path” is another example of an inflated ego. Such a person imagines himself a guru and now and then climbs to teach.

7. Increased attention to other people's shortcomings

“The people around are mediocrity who do everything wrong. I know better!” The truth is that such a person is obsessed with the shortcomings of others instead of working with himself and developing. He criticizes someone else's stupidity and does not see his own.

8. The habit of making excuses

He is so afraid of losing the halo of "good" in the eyes of others that he is forced to live with a constant sense of guilt and fear of exposure. Such a person defends his value with constant excuses, writes off the displeasure of others on the fact that he was simply misunderstood.

9. Constant fawning

He so wants to seem important and necessary that he is ready to lick the fifth point of his more powerful patrons, just to ingratiate themselves with them and not lose the feeder. The ego is afraid of losing the status with which it used to associate its "I".

10. Self-flagellation

The ego can also take on sophisticated forms, turning a person into a real masochist who hates himself and feeds on guilt. "I'm so bad because I didn't / couldn't / offended / framed / was late."

11. Deceptive modesty

Ego loves to play in front of the audience, playing "Mr. Shy" only to look even cooler. “Right, well, what are you all about me?” A person puts on feigned modesty in order to appear polite and pleasant.

12. Claim of vendetta

Only the ego loves to fight back under the guise of restoring justice or fighting for the truth. The desire to prick the enemy, to put the player in his place, to avenge a painful insult - the unconscious intrigues of the wounded "I", which is covered by "noble" motives.

13. Heroic behavior

Heroism is the armor of ego that a person puts on to fight a world that does not suit him. The image of a martyr who up to the last stands for the "idea", a sufferer who went against the system - another false "I". A true hero is given out by patience, iron will and hard labor.

14. Anger and irritation

The ego is very indignant when it is interrupted, constantly interrupted, distracted, beaten, does not listen to advice, and does not please in the slightest. It becomes furious if something doesn't go according to its plan.

15. Anxiety and doubt

Finally, if a person is obsessed with the assessment of his activities, if he depends on the approval of the majority and is afraid of change, he is also a slave of the ego. Preoccupation with one's appearance, the presence or absence of certain qualities, manipulation of status is an unwillingness to lose value in the eyes of others. It is the ego that constantly asks, “Am I good?” "I like you?" "I am needed?"

You can get rid of the pressure of the ego if you try to be honest with yourself and not become attached to the usual image of yourself, your life, to dear people or things. It is necessary to harmonize external and internal reality more often, not to attach great importance to surrounding events, to stop looking for nourishment of one's own significance. Live in the present, get to know yourself from different sides and cultivate awareness - only then will you know the taste of freedom.

Ego and selfishness

What does ego mean?

When pronouncing this word, the majority immediately have negative associations associated with selfishness, selfishness, pride, etc., however, rarely anyone tried to understand what it is in essence. However, no one will deny that no person can exist without his ego, because a synonym for ego is the inner "I".

Ego is the ability of dual perception of the world, where "I" and "mine" are opposed to "not me" and "not mine". The ego gives its own essence a certain form, brings self-consciousness to a specific object of its “I”. Moreover, "I" is always evaluated positively, and "not me" can be both attractive and hostile.

The ego makes it possible to realize oneself as a separate person with all the inherent attributes of this reality, such as belonging to human nature, gender, age, temperament ... The world of the ego is the whole Universe through the eyes of a person standing in the center of it. Awareness of one's self is not only in humans, but also in many animals that have different characters and inclinations, however, humans, unlike animals, can influence their own ego, work on it, transform it in different directions, that is, carry out self-education of his personality. Usually the word "ego" is used as a synonym for one's "I" or the concept of "personality". In the religious and psychological literature, many books have been written on this issue, both philosophers and sages, as well as doctors and teachers, talk about the ego. In this article, we will try to consider the place and role of the ego in human life, its evolution, functions and structure, and also approach the solution of such an issue as the fight against the ego. And let's start, perhaps, with egoism - a concept related to ego.

The term egoism usually means the magnitude of the ego, the power of the ego's influence on a person's life. In the classical definition, selfishness is a position in life in which the satisfaction of personal interests is put above all, regardless of the methods of achievement and the needs of others. This is self-defense and life support of one's "I". Selfishness is a natural survival instinct, without it we would not be able to win back our “place under the sun”, in animals it is very pronounced. However, people, by virtue of their rationality and spirituality, gave new functions to egoism, forcing them to serve not a specific individual, but a collective, society, nation.

The connection between ego and egoism lies in the fact that egoism, like a dedicated priest, serves its god "I". From how developed the ego is, how widely and in what form the interests of our inner “I” spread to the world around us, the needs satisfied by egoism and the orders that the ego gives it will depend. For one individual, his "I" requires all kinds of pleasures, and for another - the well-being of his environment. Some will say: “What kind of selfishness is it to serve the interests of society? This is altruism." But if you look closely, then service to society is a personal need of the inner "I". The only difference is that in the first case, the ego perceives itself as separate from society, but dependent on it, and for the sake of its own well-being is forced to take care of it, and altruists do not separate their “I” from the environment, serving the general just as the ego serves itself. yourself. Altruists, unlike egoists, have developed the so-called collective consciousness, which spreads the individual ego to the level of the entire community.

In the Age of Enlightenment, the theory of “reasonable egoism” was born, suggesting that a person, remaining selfish in his actions and aspirations, nevertheless, takes into account the needs of society, with the aim of self-preservation within it and the acquisition of common goods. An egoist in society is doomed to mutually beneficial cooperation. The ancestor of this theory was A. Smith and K. A. Helvetius, Feuerbach and G. Chernyshevsky continued to develop this theory. The opposite of rational egoism is hedonism, when personal interests are always and everywhere put higher, despite possible conflicts and obvious harm to others. As a result, such a person has serious problems, namely: loss of friends, discord in the family, narrowing of the social circle up to loneliness.

The American researcher J. Rawls in his book The Theory of Justice identified three types of egoism:

• A dictator where everyone serves the personal interests of one individual;
• Exceptional, where someone has the right to violate moral and ethical standards for personal gain;
• General, in which each member of society acts in their own interests.

Also, selfishness can be overt and covert, can be permanent or manifested from time to time (or relative to certain phenomena), in relation to a group, selfishness can be family, clan, state, national (nationalism), economic, religious, class (leading to genocide or apartheid).

In relation to a particular person, egoism, as a rule, manifests itself in the form of vanity, pride, aggressive rivalry, a thirst for power and self-interest; egoists do not tolerate criticism, are touchy, jealous and envious. Sometimes selfishness manifests itself passively in the form of cowardice, laziness, deceit and total hostility towards others.

In accordance with esoteric teachings, a flawed ego in a person can be located in a certain place - a chakra - creating defilement there and leading to egoism in one form or another.

For example:

• The ego, located in the lower Muladhara chakra, binds a person to dominance at the expense of material security. Such egoists identify people who are financially dependent on them with things and consider it lawful to dispose of their lives at their own discretion. These are parents who control the lives of their already adult children, or other guardians who dictate the rules of behavior for their dependents. As well as creditors who treat debtors as eternally indebted slaves.
• The ego, located in the Svadhisthana chakra, makes a person a “slave of love”, inflating his natural desire to please others to an animal attraction. Such people are obsessed with sex and their appearance, they strive to become sex symbols and seduce as many partners as possible.
• The ego, located in the Manipura chakra, seeks to overwhelm others with brute pressure, wanting to weaken their will. Such people use their energy and charisma to assert themselves and impose their opinions. These people wear the image of arrogant and bold, slick and boorish people sticking their noses everywhere.
• The ego, located in the Anahata chakra, craves universal adoration, but this is not an image of a sex symbol, but a claim to the title of an idol. These people tend to be in the center of any company, trying to attract more attention, they are intrusive and feigned. Such people are painfully jealous, vindictive, suffer from "star fever".
• The ego, located in the Vishuddha chakra, boasts of its intellect. These people love to "crush with their brains", make others look like fools, they are cunning and insidious intriguers.

In the Vedic epic Mahabharata, 64 signs of pride and selfishness are indicated. The study and elimination of these signs leads to getting rid of illusions and an objective perception of reality.

These are the signs:

• Confidence in one's own constant rightness (infallibility).
• Patronizing attitude towards others, attitude down.
• Feeling of own uniqueness.
• Feeling like a victim. Touchiness.
• Boasting.
• Attributing to oneself the works and merits of other people.
• The ability to put an opponent at a disadvantage, managing people to achieve what you want.
• Control over the situation, but without taking responsibility for the situation.
• Vanity, the desire to often look in the mirror.
• Displaying wealth, clothes, etc.
• Refusal to allow others to help oneself and unwillingness to work together with others.
• Attracting attention to your personality by voice, mannerisms, behavior.
• Talkativeness or constant talk about their problems and biography.
• Excessive impressionability or insensitivity. Haste to jump to conclusions or unwillingness to admit facts.
• Excessive preoccupation with oneself, introversion.
• Focus on what others think or say about you.
• Using words that the listener doesn't understand and you know about it.
• Feeling of worthlessness.
• Refusing to change or thinking you can't.
• Unforgiving yourself and others.
• The division of people into hierarchical levels according to the type of "who is better or more important", then behavior in accordance with this hierarchy. Reluctance to recognize seniority.
• The feeling that you become important when you do a particular job.
• Take on overwork, and also find pleasure in idleness.
• Suspicion of people, God, Messengers.
• A state of concern about what impression you make on others.
• The thought that you are above ordinary law and on a special mission.
• Unwillingness to take the risk of devoting yourself to an important, inspiring cause. There is no higher goal and creativity.
• Creation of an idol from oneself and from others.
• Lack of free time for self-knowledge and communication due to anxiety about money.
• Changing your demeanor depending on who you're dealing with. Lack of simplicity in relationships.
• Superficiality in gratitude.
• Ignoring "small" people. Taking advantage of your position.
• Inattention to what you are in contact with at the moment.
• Not realizing how each of the listed components of pride manifests itself in you.
• Underestimation of the power of illusion.
• The presence of an irritable tone, intolerance to the manifestations of errors and shortcomings. In general, merging with negative and positive states of the psyche.
• “I am body and mind. I am doomed to life in the material world.”
• Fear of showing your emotional state and attitude, speaking with your heart.
• The thought of teaching someone a lesson.
• Unawareness of prejudices and unwillingness to clarify them.
• Spreading rumors and gossip.
• Disobedience to the will of God and elders, dependence on one's own desires.
• Dependence on everything that pleases the senses, insanity.
• Lack of self-respect, based on an understanding of one's essence.
• "You don't care about me."
• Recklessness, suppressed sense of proportion.
• Having an attitude: "My group is the best", "I will listen only to my own and serve only them."
• Individualism, unwillingness to be in the family and in society and be responsible for loved ones in prayer and practical actions.
• Dishonesty and dishonesty in relationships.
• Inability to understand others and come to common decisions.
• The desire to always have the last word.
• To resort to the statements of authorities in order not to deal with specific situations. Stamped worldview.
• Dependence on advice and opinions, irresponsibility.
• Unwillingness to share their knowledge and information with others in order to be able to control them.
• Inattention to the physical body under the pretext of spirituality or excessive attention to it to the detriment of the soul.
• The idea that it is you who should do it, because no one else can do it better.
• Pointing out the mistakes of another in a tone of condemnation or humiliation.
• The thought of the need to save others from their problems (both thought and action).
• Communication and support of others, as a result of which they become intellectually and emotionally dependent on a mentor.
• Changing attitudes towards people depending on their opinions, appearance, etc.
• Neglect of external norms and rules of culture accepted in one's society and family.
• Feeling the right to dispose of the property of others and ignoring the norms adopted in another family.
• Sarcasm, cynicism and rudeness in statements and feelings.
• Lack of happiness.

Also, according to Vedic sources, there are 18 signs of the ego, manifested in the appearance of a person:

• quick gait
• loud speech
• fast speech
• Gesticulation during a conversation
• Loud laughter
• Lots of facial expressions
• Failure to fulfill one's duties
• Having likes and dislikes for people
• Too much concern for your body
• Telling other people about your illnesses
• Sluggishness in doing physical work
• Confidence in your outer beauty
• Attracting attention to yourself with body movements
• Inaction Poor performance
• Haughty and authoritative tone
• Interrupting others while talking
• Frequent use in speech "I", "me", "mine"

Alter ego. Ego of the individual. The essence of the ego. ego personality structure

If we consider the ego as a set of ideas about oneself, then it turns out that it includes the whole way of life and all spheres of human activity. Dividing the world into "I" and "not me", our ego uses certain criteria, namely the ability to directly influence objects. If something is in your power, then it is subject to your will and is part of you, part of your life. It all depends on how much this influence is rubbed off.

The essence of the ego is to spread influence over a greater number of objects.

One is content with the physical aspects, saying that he is the body with all its functions and needs. Another sees his essence in the soul, which is contained in the body, as in a vessel, and lives with spiritual cares. Another feels the spirit contained in everything that lives, and his cares are directed primarily to spiritual needs. And someone identifies his "I" with the universal superconsciousness, which is the essence of everything living and inanimate, and such a concept as "not me" is already barely distinguishable. Everyone has their own balance between “I” and “not me”, but in most cases it is dictated by the society where a person lives. It covers the limits from the physical body and psyche to the widest range of communication in which a person interacts with others, for example, to a group of friends and like-minded people or a nation that professes one culture. Much more often you can hear a statement like "I am a representative of such and such a culture, state, country" and less often - "I am a representative of the human form of life on this planet."

The structure of the personality of the ego is described by Eckhart Tolle in the novel "New Earth", where he called identification the main reason for the emergence and growth of this structure. The function of the ego is to identify objects, events and phenomena with one's "I". She creates its structure. Our ideas about the world, our character and inclinations, range of interests, views, social circle, property - all this bears the label "mine". The content may be very diverse, but what is classified as "mine" is already part of your ego. From birth, starting from the body and the name, this baggage keeps growing and growing. The “basic set” of the ego of a personality is approximately the same for all people:

• aspirations (character, interests, desires)
• experience (knowledge and skills, habits and beliefs)
• psyche (emotions, will, mindfulness, memory, temperament)
• physical data (health, sex, age).

Depending on how far the “I” of a person spreads, the coverage of objects and phenomena will be so extensive. However, our ego, no matter what it consists of, can also be of different types. There are many classifications of ego, consider the most common.

Alter ego. True and false ego. ego theory

What is an alter ego?

The polarity of these concepts is striking, but alter ego does not at all mean the absence of ego, rather, its qualitative opposite. The qualities inherent in a person in a normal state of consciousness, sometimes, during stress or other mental turning points, go by the wayside, making it possible for those that are usually hidden deep inside to come out. So, a quiet person can become a brawler, a shy person can become cheeky, a coward can become a daredevil, etc. The image of the alter ego is very clearly shown in the comedy "Mask", where the hero, wearing an old magic mask, released his alter ego, crushed in ordinary life moral standards and their own complexes. Every person has an alter ego, if only because in childhood we always dreamed of being knights and princesses, it’s just that with age, the image of the “ideal self” began to correlate more with the real world. For some, this is a “successful businessman” with his inherent business acumen and assertiveness, while for someone it is a “talented creator” who does not hesitate to reveal his gift to the public and lives for creativity, not material rewards.

Low ego and high ego are opposites. In the first case, a person is too self-critical, and self-critical biased. He deliberately underestimates his strengths and exaggerates his weaknesses. This happens either because of fear and insecurity before real life, lack of courage to take responsibility or take some action, or because of the desire to enter the role of a victim and arouse a feeling of pity. If a person exposes himself as a victim, then he is deliberately hypocritical, hoping for help and support from outside, in order to shift all responsibility onto other people's shoulders. With an overestimated ego (big, inflated), there is no self-criticism, and a person idealizes all his qualities. Moreover, in case of failure, he will never plead guilty for anything, even if it is obvious. It will be easier for such a person to convince himself of the existence of a real insidious demon with horns and hooves than to believe in his own incompetence.

True and false ego are concepts that come from religions. The difference between them is in the correct interpretation of the person's "I". The false ego usually refers to the identification of one's essence with the body shell and its inherent desires and needs, that is, with something non-eternal, passing, mortal. False ego causes attachment to material things and events of the material world, forces one to fight for their possession, and also provokes a feeling (fear and pain) of loss. It is customary to call the true ego the non-material immortal beginning - the soul, the atman, the superconsciousness - eternal and indelible. The range of his interests, aspirations, and life goals will depend on how a person interprets his “I”. False ego gives rise to selfishness and sinfulness, while true ego leads to liberation, immortality and bliss.

Like egoism, ego can be personal and group, consisting of personal "I" of the people included in it.

The ego can be external and internal. The internal is the ego of a person's personality, and the external ego is an image of a person artificially created for society, a reputation. Of course, there is always a reputation, but it also depends on the inner ego, which may be indifferent to it, or may go out of its way to fashion a masterpiece and present it to the public.

There is more than one theory in the psychology of the ego. The classical definition of the ego in psychology is that part of the human personality that is perceived as "I" and is in contact with the outside world through perception. The ego plans, evaluates, remembers, and otherwise responds to the effects of the physical and social environment. The most famous theory of the ego is the theory of Z. Freud, according to which the ego is a part of the individual's personality, which also includes the ID (unconscious) and the Superego. The unconscious is the totality of all instincts and primary forms of behavior with which a person is already born. The unconscious seeks to satisfy needs and receive pleasure. According to Freud, the ego is a tool by which the unconscious interacts with reality in order to satisfy its desires. The superego includes all moral norms and restrictions accepted in society, the sense of "good" and "bad". The superego, in turn, consists of conscience, that is, the recognition of “bad” behavior, and the Ego-ideal, the recognition of “good” behavior. Thus, the ego here is a buffer between the "wild unconscious" of each person and the "civilized cultural Superego" accepted in society.

E. Erickson's theory considers the "I" more than the unconscious, its development and evolution. If Freud was convinced that a person is doomed to fight his instincts, which will prevail without confrontation, then Erikson believed that a person develops morally and gains the upper hand over primitive desires. He divided this development into eight stages:

• (up to a year) - “absorbing”, oral need is satisfied in it, trust is formed through the mother. At this stage, a projection of personality is formed. Psychosocial crisis - basal trust/distrust. The strength of this stage is hope.
• (1-3 years) - the stage of maturation of the musculoskeletal system, which leads to a sense of confidence, independence. The first stage is destroyed. Psychosocial crisis - autonomy in a positive perspective, and shame and doubt - in a negative one. Strong point - willpower.
• (3-6 years) - the first socialization of the child in a group of peers, manifested in the development of initiative and guilt. A positive result is the presence of a specific goal.
• (6-12 years old) - there is a struggle for leadership, awareness of one's place in society. It develops industriousness or a sense of inferiority. The main quality that determines success is competence.
• (12-19 years old) - the formation of youth, finding goals, the ability to plan. At this stage, the choice of friends and their place in the future life takes place. A person determines whether he is ready to enter the world, whether he will be accepted as he is. With a positive course of affairs, fidelity develops.
• (20-25 years) - the stage of early maturity, where a person re-evaluates himself and doubts arise about his place in life. In the positive aspect, the resolution of the situation is expressed in intimacy, and in the negative aspect, in a sense of isolation. At this age, love is born.
• (26-64 years) - the stage of medium maturity. This is the maturity of the individual, the stability of his interests. At this stage, a person begins to be guided by the norms of the society in which he lives, to realize his need or uselessness. If a person feels useful, then he is enthusiastic and productive, and if not, then apathetic and lethargic, then stagnation begins in his life. At this stage, behaviors such as caring develop.
• (65 years and beyond) - the stage of late maturity. A person looks back and evaluates his life, his achieved and not achieved goals and ideals. This is either satisfaction with one's "I", or discontent and a sense of doom. In the first case, a person is calm and feels like a worthy member of society, and in the second, he is overcome by despair due to the inability to fix everything or unwillingness to accept his life as it was. With the realization of the inevitability of the end and a sense of peace in the soul comes wisdom.

Thus, according to Erickson, the ego is a changeable system of views that undergoes a complex evolution throughout life, and not only in the direction from egoism to altruism or vice versa, but, as it were, balancing between them.

In psychology, the phenomenon of ego splitting is also known, when a person begins to perceive the world in extremes. This case refers to the methods of psychological defense, as it allows you to utterly simplify reality. The division of everything and everything into “black” and “white” makes the world clearer, but simplifying it distorts it. A split ego leads to further mental disorders.

The founder of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, introduced the concept of "hypertrophied ego", that is, fixation on one of the social roles. For example, in the role of a child, parent or adult. With hypertrophy of the ego in the role of a child in a person, such qualities as impressionability, eccentricity, unpredictability, spontaneity, creativity and momentaryness are sharply expressed. Usually such an ego is inherent in bright creative personalities. With hypertrophy, such qualities as dominance and authority, self-confidence, patronage and control, conservatism, and rigidity in judgments prevail in the role of a parent in a person. Such an ego is usually possessed by the military, bosses, political leaders. With hypertrophy of the ego in the role of an adult, such qualities as awareness and non-conflict, calmness, the ability not to go to extremes and live in the present moment, and the desire for self-development are distinguished. It occurs most rarely, mainly among people engaged in spiritual searches and self-improvement, regardless of profession.

ego functions

Psychodynamic theories highlight many functions of the ego, such as reality testing, i.e., defining the boundaries between fantasy and reality; development of will and intellect, i.e. the need to learn to reason, plan and learn responsibility. Since the ego covers all spheres of life, its functions are very extensive. Here are the most obvious ones:

Self-determination. The ego enables a person to create a holistic image of himself, his personality, including both appearance and way of thinking, a set of goals, habits, character, etc. n. The ego here answers the question "What am I?"

Social. The ego helps to find one's place in the team and determine one's role among other people. Decide whether "I" will be a leader or an executor, a team player or a loner, etc. Also, the ego helps in choosing a partner and starting a family. Here the question sounds like “Where is my place?”

Protective. In addition to survival instincts, the ego also creates psychological barriers to keep the mind safe from stress and psychological trauma. The ego helps "not to lose yourself" or vice versa - it leads the mind into the realm of fantasy, where the person feels safe. Here the ego answers the question "How do I feel?"

Control. The ego is looking for ways to adapt to society in the least painful ways; it does not allow a person to cross the line of moral and moral restrictions by his actions in order to avoid conflict with society. That is, it helps to "keep oneself in hand." Here is the question of the ego - "What will it be like for me if ...?"

Judgment. Based on personal experience and generally accepted norms, the ego makes judgments about events, phenomena, or objects in the external world. This is how a person's opinions, habits, and beliefs are formed. Here the ego is looking for an answer to the question “How does this (phenomenon, object) affect me?”

Goal setting. The ego constantly creates an image of the ideal self that needs to be achieved, and forms desires and aspirations, various goals. This may be a position in society and some kind of position, level of education, income level, acquiring a desired skill or possession of a certain object, creating a family with a certain partner, achieving some result in a chosen field of activity, etc. In this case, the question of ego is "What should I be?" and, accordingly, “What do I need for this?”

Ego in religions and teachings

The human ego is also closely examined by world religions.

In Sufism, the ego, or "nafs", is the driving force and will of a person, which makes it possible to confront the unbridled Animal nature and the good Divine nature. If the ego is polluted, then the person follows his desires, but if it is cleansed, then the road to God opens. Sufi ideology calls not to eradicate the ego, but to take it under control with the help of divine instructions.

In bhakti yoga and Hinduism, the ego is seen as a distorted perception of the world in the eyes of the believer. Moreover, the ego itself is not evil, but it can be rightly or wrongly interpreted. The practitioner, in order to overcome delusion, through prayers and reading mantras, unites with the Almighty, gaining a clear vision of both himself and everything around him. The Bhagavad Gita speaks of the ego as the basis of the personality, which should not be fought, but should be understood and interpreted correctly, identifying one's "I" not with a mortal body, but with an eternal soul, that is, to achieve awareness of the true ego. Where the true ego prevails, there is goodness. Such a person is calm and self-sufficient, full of a sense of satisfaction, disinterested and kind. Where false ego prevails, ignorance and suffering reign, a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, a desire to have more. Those in whom true and false egos coexist exhibit passion.

In the currents described above, the ego is not destroyed, but "cleansed", becomes true, in contrast to Christianity, Kabbalah and Buddhism.

In Christianity, the ego is the answer to the question "Who am I?" A rational animal of flesh and blood living in the world of passions, or a divine soul undergoing earthly experience. Moreover, both principles are present in a person in the form of a soul and a body, but the choice remains with the person himself. Wrong choice gives rise to pride - the most difficult to eradicate of mortal sins - prevents the development of love, therefore, false ego is the cause of human sinfulness, and it should be fought. Mostly with the help of prayers and the development of love, which Christ spoke about - love for one's neighbor. When the ego is cleansed, it automatically merges with the Divine.

In Kabbalah, ego and selfishness are given at birth and lock all sensations inside the body. As a result, instead of feeling divine and eternal, a person feels his desires. The concept of egoism and desire in Kabbalah are identical. In order to overcome the ego and become one with the Creator again, people must make spiritual growth, which continues for many lives. Layer by layer, removing the fetters of the ego from himself and revealing the ability to spiritual feeling, a person approaches his natural state, in which he was before he descended into the world.

In Buddhism, the ego - "ahamkara" - is almost the central subject of study, the ego is considered the source of all concepts and criteria for evaluating the existing world. The source of the emergence of the ego is ignorance, or in Sanskrit - "avidya". Ignorance that the surrounding world is built by our mind and is only a part of infinity. It is the ego that tries to give everything a look, form, meaning, evaluate and drive into the framework. And all for the sake of maintaining the existence of this world and the principle "I am". These processes of evaluation and determination give rise to karma - the causal relationship between events. Thus, the ego is the source of suffering and lack of freedom.

Ahamkara does not act alone, but in conjunction with the mind (manas), feelings (chitta) and intuition (buddhi). Buddhi, or pure vision, is aware of events and phenomena as they are, but at the same time does not react to them in any way, simply tracking the fact of their existence. The mind receives information, analyzes it and draws a conclusion. Feelings give an assessment of the result and develop like or dislike, approval or disapproval, addiction or disgust. The ego includes these judgments in its sphere of activity, makes them a part of our life. Buddhism as a teaching aims to eradicate the ego through meditation and stopping the activities of the mind. Purifying his perception of reality, a person leaves only unclouded buddhi; the illusion of the reality of the world becomes unsteady, as does the concept of ego. Unlike Christianity, where a person eventually merges with God and loses his selfhood, in Buddhism, the enlightened person still perceives a certain personality, but a temporary, illusory personality, created to fulfill a certain mission, which has no true basis and will eventually dissolve, leaving just an uncomplicated consciousness.

Male ego. female ego. ego child

In relation to a child, the concept of egoism is not always acceptable, since his personality is not yet fully formed. The child is egocentric only because he does not see the differences between himself and the world around him; he is not yet able to put himself in the place of another or treat another person as an equal to himself. Young children are helpless and completely dependent after birth, so all their needs are met automatically or on demand. Having got used to the fact that after certain signals they give you what you demanded, the child will consider this the norm. Ask and you will receive - this is their picture of the world. When, at the age of three, a child suddenly encounters a refusal to fulfill his urgent requests, with opposition and restriction, an internal conflict occurs. Children's egoism is naive and simple, it is devoid of self-interest and cunning. With proper education, this egoism will become healthy and help in socialization. In some cases, emerging leadership qualities can be mistaken for selfishness by parents, but in any case, it is better to keep the situation under control. Psychologists advise doing the following:

• Become an authority for the child, whom he will obey. Do not let him show his selfishness towards you and stop these attempts. If the child understands that you can be manipulated, you have lost.
• Be not an enemy for the child, but a friend and adviser, support him morally, do not show aggression. Do not scold him and do not reproach him in public, this leads to a drop in self-esteem. Try to correctly understand the motives of his behavior, because sometimes the refusal to do something is caused by fatigue, poor health or fear. Explain to the child the consequences of his actions or your decisive refusals, so that your motives are also clear to him.
• Do not spoil the child and do not overpraise, but reward for real success. Feel free to ask for forgiveness or permission (for example, to borrow a toy or leave). Encourage initiative.
• Do not underestimate his strength, do not perform his duties for him, especially when the baby tries to get rid of them for no good reason.
• Give your child the opportunity to participate in family affairs so that he learns that other people also have opinions and desires.
• Teach your child to defend his opinion in a civilized way through dialogue, arguments and truthful justifications. Explain that you should not always agree with the opinion of the majority or always do everything your own way, each situation is unique and awaits its solution.
• Entrust your child with housework, not as an additional duty, but as a privilege of his growing up. Find out what he likes to do more, what he does better.

The child's ego and the social world converge a little later. Usually, children's egoism, with proper upbringing, goes away by the age of ten, flowing into adolescent egoism. In adolescence, another transformation of the ego takes place, the system of values ​​​​and beliefs is updated. For a teenager, his peers are a pack of wolves. Either you are a leader, or "your own", or an outcast and a weakling who will be bullied and persecuted. Here, a person no longer fights for survival, providing himself with the necessary for existence, but competes for a place in society, hones leadership. At this stage, the teenager breaks out of parental control and tries to impose his interests on the environment again. Hypertrophied egoism at this age can make a lone wolf out of a person, a weak ego will turn him into an outsider, while healthy egoism can not only join the social circle of peers on an equal footing, but also show leadership. For parents, according to psychologists, at this stage it is necessary to move away from the role of a controller and supervisor, and take the position of an observer and empathizer. Do not try to break the child and impose your model of behavior on him, so he will not only lose confidence in you, but also lose his personal experience, which is very valuable at this stage. This period is somewhat similar to the time when the baby learns to walk - he must take the steps himself, otherwise he will crawl on all fours. You can only insure him with your advice and participation. In order to maintain the child's trust, an adult should create acceptable comfortable conditions for him in the family, a safety zone. This will reduce tension, the teenager will not feel in a situation of "one against the whole world."

As for female and male egoism, the difference in it lies in the difference in the self-determination of the female and male ego. This refers not to the ego of a hypothetical person, but to the ego acting in the world as a "man" or "woman". In the classical sense, a healthy male ego is self-sufficient for achieving goals and development, it relies on its strengths, experience, resources and confidence. Of course, it is important for a man to evaluate him in the eyes of a woman, but this is only one of the aspects of the area of ​​​​interest. The female ego asserts itself through the male. Material security, upbringing of offspring, adornment and improvement of one's appearance, spiritual and secular education - all this goes through a man who is nearby. The female ego satisfies its needs with the power of the man, taking away his means and limiting his freedom. It is written in the Vedic treatises that on the path of spiritual self-development in the family, the husband plays the role of a teacher, and the wife plays the role of a servant, that the husband, as a captain, manages the ship, and the wife, like a boat, provides him with support and everything necessary. That is, the spiritual growth of a man's personality is possible on its own, but the wife, for which he takes responsibility, gives him an additional bonus. Like a weighting agent for a runner, more strength is spent, but the training is more successful. The wife, according to the Vedas, is improved at the expense and through her husband. Ancient scriptures, in order to preserve family unity, advised a man to marry the woman who supports his life goal, is interested in achieving it. Having a shared purpose fills the relationship with meaning.

Modern education, alas, is not aimed at uniting efforts on the spiritual path of combating egoism, but, on the contrary, separates a man and a woman, opposes one to the other, almost mutually exclusive. The phrase "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" is a product of modern civilization. In traditional cultures, the male and female egos acted together like yin and yang without causing conflict. Now everyone pulls the blanket over himself, a man demands freedom in everything, giving rise to unbridledness and irresponsibility, and a woman demands blind service to her, suppressing the will of a man and infringing on his dignity.

If we consider such an element of the ego as the mind, then in men reason and logic prevail, and feelings and intuition appear from case to case out of necessity. In a woman, the mind and feelings are constantly balancing, the mind jumps from rational thinking to emotions, only the emotional component of the female ego is many times deeper than that of men. Everyone knows that women's intuition is much stronger. But for masculine ladies and those women who often change partners, the emotional side suffers, their intuitive sensitivity is reduced. They usually talk about such people as “cracker” or “bitch”.

Between the sensuality of our "I" and freedom from attachments and drives there is a direct connection. The weaker the emotions, the greater the freedom, the deeper the experiences, the stronger the dependencies. Here the balance between intuition and reason can be compared with potential energy and acting, manifested energy. Men have a lot of activity, freedom, but few feelings, women have strong intuition and feelings, but they are full of habits, attachments, rules, all sorts of “fads”, etc. Therefore, men value their freedom, and women are eager to realize their passions ... but by the forces of men, they simply don’t have enough of their own for such a “baggage of plans”.

So what is the male ego and the female ego?

The ego of a man is the “I” of the personality, striving to fulfill itself, first of all, in accordance with personal standards. The ego of a woman is the “I” of a person, striving to fulfill herself, first of all, in accordance with social standards. A man is more interested in what he thinks about himself, while a woman needs an assessment from the outside.

The interaction of male and female "I" takes place in the family. According to the Vedic concept, family relationships go through several stages. It all starts with falling in love, when the ego says “I want to be with someone, he is mine”. Feelings and only feelings dominate here. A period of romance and emotional intoxication. It usually lasts two or three years. At the second stage, the mind becomes fed up with impressions, emotions subsided, and the habit remained. Everything is convenient, the ego seems to be enough for everyone. This continues for another two years. But at the third stage, our ego craves new experiences, and everyday life presses harder and harder. If feelings do not saturate the mind, then withdrawal sets in, the mind starts to freak out. Then the ego, with the help of the mind, begins to look for flaws in the partner. Little things, trifles, anything - and clings to them, causing discomfort. Quarrels begin. But there is a positive aspect to quarrels. Firstly, they allow you to let off steam, and secondly, to identify those very annoying factors and eliminate them. Eliminating this does not mean breaking the partner: forcing him to collect his socks, and her to cook dinner regularly. First of all, it is necessary to eliminate your discontent, digest anger, change your own behavior, and in your spouse accept everything as it is, ceasing to react to each other's shortcomings. This is the main meaning of the family union - mutual work on the false ego, its purification and improvement. Relationships can be affected only by changing something on your part. If this stage is passed, if the battle within yourself is won, then the ego is renewed, you reach a new level, and falling in love again. New aspects of personality are opened up, people begin to study each other anew. If, in the midst of a quarrel, the partner’s ego is humiliated, the person is insulted, then the feelings that could be renewed die. Such a union can no longer be saved.

The cycle from romance to quarrels can be repeated many times, but if all the minor irregularities are “polished”, and the remaining shortcomings cannot be eradicated, then the stage of patience begins. This is family austerity, when you sacrifice something for the sake of preserving the common. In the modern world, most families fall apart at the stages of quarrels and patience, the spouses disperse and start all over again with new partners. They did not agree, did not want to compromise, did not want to change. And it's not about who is to blame and whose ego is bigger. After all, time after time the process of cleansing the false ego is interrupted in one place, the proper experience is not obtained, and the person, not wanting to cure his egoism, again steps on the same rake. In the same case, if patience is worked out, what comes in Sanskrit sounds like "Dharma". That is, the very essence of the family union and their mission in it are revealed to the spouses. At this stage, the destruction of the false ego occurs, wisdom and selfless love come to a person. If relationships in the family collapse due to constant demands from each side, then when the Dharma is achieved, the husband and wife do not demand anything, but simply give without expecting anything in return. Sincere friendship and respect grows between such people, partners communicate on a different level, seeing each other not as a “husband” or “wife”, but as an equal spiritual person. This stage is followed by divine love, which is spoken of as the highest form of love.

But back to male and female egoism. Even at the very beginning of a relationship, he and she perceive everything differently. A man likes to look at a woman (at any woman), a woman likes to be looked at her (and only her!). He prefers to be silent, and she prefers to speak. The notorious female talkativeness and habit of advising stems from a simple need to be listened to. If she is allowed to talk, then the tension will subside. And it doesn’t matter what decision was eventually made, the main thing is that her opinion was allowed to be heard, which means that she is considered. The ego is satisfied and calmed down. For some time.

Fearing to lose freedom, men often fall into the trap of their false ego, because real freedom for him is not a bachelor life, but the lack of control and supervision on the part of a woman, which infringes on his male ego. Freedom in marriage is lost by "impure mind" men who are constantly thinking about how to get rid of her society, to look for new experiences on the side. A woman, with her super-intuition, feels everything and begins to suspect, in fear she tries to bind him to herself, that is, to limit freedom. If the husband is not worried about such fluctuations of feelings, he is calm and balanced, then there will be no reason for suspicion. A wife who trusts her husband will not check and control him.

It is also worth noting that now people are more successful just cohabiting than living in a legal marriage. This is due to a common feature of the ego - imposed obligations. Legal marriage imposes responsibilities that people in their hearts do not want to voluntarily assume. If two people live together by mutual agreement, then there is no point in demanding something for granted. There are frequent situations that after legitimizing relations, they begin to deteriorate, as such beliefs as “you must”, “you must” appear. But the false ego of both is not ready for self-purification and whispers: “Why all of a sudden? Before, everything was fine, but then all of a sudden there are some debts?

Young spouses also experience problems because of their selfishness. The fact is that a reasonable male ego, having entered into marriage, believes that the process of conquest is over, the job is done, the goal has been achieved, you can rest. The female sensual ego requires a constant and continuous confirmation of love. So for the safety of the relationship, the husband will have to be reminded of his feelings as often as possible.

Summing up, we can say that both male and female egoism stem from a false ego, from a misunderstanding of the nature of a woman and a man, their role in a family union. Opposition and problems lie in ignorance, which is removable. Sincere love for each other will help overcome obstacles and get rid of selfishness, whatever it may be.

How to conquer the ego?

At that moment, when someone decides to start a fight with his own ego and defeat egoism, he mentally puts on the armor of will, arm himself with a spear of austerity and sits on the horse of determination. But when the enemy appears opposite and the battle begins, it turns out that a person is fighting with his own reflection, with the same determined knight of his "I". The stronger your pressure, the stronger the resistance. And how can you defeat yourself with your own weapons? Is it possible to defeat the ego at all? Destroy it? What then, may I ask, is left? A person is a whole person, it is impossible to split him into “good” and “bad”, removing half and leaving it as it is. So how do you conquer the ego?

The secret of victory over selfishness lies in the correct understanding of your essence, in understanding which ego is false and which is true. The Indians have this wisdom: two wolves fight in a person - black and white, the one that the person feeds will win. Also with the ego. Find your white wolf, your true ego, and develop it. The development of the ego, the true ego, is the key. The stronger it is, the less will remain from the false: from egoism, from delusions, wrong beliefs, bad habits, etc. There are several tricks.

• To begin with, try to less label people and things as “mine”. Perceive the environment around you not as a platform for your personal games, but as a common field where you are just one of many players. Weaken control over what is happening, the desire to control everything and everyone is one of the messages of the false ego, instead pay attention to self-control.
• Do not attach too much importance to your personal judgments and feelings, they only apply to you. Each person has their own ego and their own set of experiences. At the same time, show more interest in the opinions of others, others value their opinions as much as you value yours; and looking at the situation from more angles will allow you to see it more clearly. Acquire teamwork skills.
• When engaging in any activity or struggle, make it clear to yourself what is important to you - to satisfy your winning ego or to achieve a specific result. Is it really necessary to waste energy and work with your elbows if the prize itself is an empty piece of glass.
• Try to give more than demand. Give more of what will not be lost from you - attention, smiles, good mood, kindness and love. Make small gifts with your own hands. Having received such a gift, relatives will appreciate not its chic and price, but your care and desire to do something pleasant. Engage in charity, volunteer and social activities whenever possible, do not be afraid to donate personal funds and time for this. What is given selflessly always stays with you. Selflessness is a great trait, but be honest with yourself, don't make a mental list of your "good deeds" as if you were going to present it to the Lord as a bill.
• Learn to rejoice for others, rejoice in the success of colleagues, the well-being of comrades, the victories of competitors. Do not poison your emotional life with envy and resentment, they will only bite you, gradually moving away from communication. Vindictiveness and vindictiveness will not only leave you alone, but will also pervert your consciousness, mutilate your “I” with hatred. After all, hating others is like spitting in a mirror: you aim far, but your own face suffers. Comparing yourself and others, measuring your strengths is normal, especially for the male ego, but do not lose awareness, remember that growth, experience and progress are important, and not a tick in the merit graph.
• Develop a sense of contentment. Rejoice in simple things and what is already there, appreciate it. Live here and now without setting yourself fantastic and absurd goals that will exhaust you and lead to disappointment. But this does not mean that we must unlearn how to dream. Dreaming and fantasizing are not the same thing.
• Feeling a euphoric desire to make everyone and everything happy, keep in mind that happiness is individual for everyone, and only your ego will appreciate your heroic deeds. The real practical benefit is not obtained by imposing happiness, people themselves must accept your offer. Therefore, before you rush to do good and do good, ask if your help is needed?
• It is important to distinguish between the concepts of "bragging" and "boasting". Bragging is the demand for praise from others, and praise is the approval of oneself, one's act without waiting for a reaction from the outside. When you achieve something and are happy with yourself, it is praise, but if you say: “Hey, look at me, how wonderful I am!” - it's already a boast. To be satisfied with yourself is the need of every ego, but it is with yourself, and not to be praised by others. Along with this, try not to underestimate your talents and capabilities, self-humiliation is just as selfish as self-praise. Respect yourself.
• Respect the dignity of others. With quarrels and omissions that happen constantly in our lives, never get personal and do not humiliate someone else's "I". Humiliation of the ego kills the reciprocal feeling of love and respect for you, so you run the risk of forever breaking off relations with a person, and earning yourself a disgusting sediment in your soul. Someone else's pain for the true ego is your pain too.
• Have the courage to admit your mistakes, your true ego will only benefit from this. Shielding yourself and ignoring your own shortcomings is tantamount to walking in dirty smelly clothes - unpleasant for you and those around you, who begin to shun you.
• Don't work on your reputation. Reputation is the image of your "I" in the eyes of society, it will be present even without your participation. The more you polish it, the greater the layer of hypocrisy. Do not worry if you are imperfect in the eyes of others. They look at you through the prism of their own ego, so your real self and what they see will never be the same. An artificially created reputation is one of the guises of the false ego.
• A great helper in overcoming the ego is a healthy sense of humor. It is healthy, not perverted, lowered to sarcasm. Laughter heals the soul. And laughter at oneself dissolves selfishness, just as acid corrodes rust. An egoist can never laugh at his own stupidity or mistake.
• Develop compassion. There is an excellent cure for unhappiness. If you feel that you are unhappy, that you can’t do anything about your misfortune, that you only have to suffer, then just find someone who is just as bad or even worse, and try to help. Not to yourself, to someone else. By relieving someone of suffering or lessening their grief, you help relieve both. This works because a compassionate soul does not see the difference between "I" of his own and "I" of someone else, between "my ego" and "your ego", perceiving someone else's pain as his own. And by saving another from such pain, she heals herself. If you want to be happy, make others happy.
• Understand the meaning of true love. Divine love never judges, never renounces. God loves in a person his soul, and not the changeable "I", he rejoices in spiritual victories and is saddened by defeats, but still loves. Try to show this very love to the world, identifying yourself more with the spiritual than with the material. Engage in spiritual practices, communicate with nature. It is noticed that as a person treats animals, he also treats people.

Conclusion

The problem of the ego must be sought not in its presence, but in its quality, that is, egoism. If you recognize selfishness in yourself, this is already the first step towards its eradication. Egoism can be defeated, unlike the ego itself, the death of the ego comes only with the death of a person. How much success you achieve is up to you. The power of the ego is great, but it is entirely your power, you just need to know where and how to direct it. Someone will be pleased to develop altruistic inclinations; someone will work hard on himself, showing self-control and austerities; and someone will meditate, transforming their consciousness at a deep level. There are many ways and means of self-improvement. Find a place in your heart not only for yourself. Remember, a big ego is not evil as long as it is true and pure.