Practical advice and recommendations: how to learn to love, appreciate and respect yourself! Psychologist's advice on how to love yourself and increase your own self-esteem.

For about six months, I wondered how to love myself. On my blog you will find those that help develop self-love. I felt that my main problem lies in my dislike for myself... For six months I have been actively working on this particular issue... I think it's time to take stock.

"Love yourself! Just love yourself!" shout psychologists, smart books and TV stars... But how? How can I accept myself for who I am? Because I was taught that I am not perfect.

I was taught that good girls behave very differently. Some kind of utopian ideal has been imposed on me, which I unsuccessfully try to follow... I don't have enough strength, I don't have enough patience, I hate myself, I can't help myself!...

Are you familiar with such a situation? Do you often try to be someone else? Are you ashamed of your shortcomings? Do you beat yourself up for every mistake? Are you striving to mold yourself into some incomprehensible ideal?

Most girls don't know how to love themselves. Unfortunately, this is a fact ... After all, the most striking signs of dislike for yourself are the desire to attract attention to yourself by any means, the desire to please men at all costs, the need to constantly feel approval ... It seems to you that this does not interfere with love for yourself?

But the line here is very thin ... Almost all girls try to look great. But someone will do a light make-up for themselves every morning ... And someone every time brings beauty for the sake of the views of strangers ... For the sake of compliments from neighbors, colleagues ... For someone, male attention is just a nice bonus. .. And for someone - almost the meaning of life.

Because without this attention, they feel inferior. Without this attention, they are absolutely uncomfortable, uncomfortable ... Thoughts appear from the series “no one needs me”, “I am terrible”, “no one will ever love me”.

It seems to me that an indicator of self-love is how you feel without the attention and approval of others. Do you need your own approval? Your own love? No, this does not mean that you need to live alone all your life, throw beautiful dresses and thick mascara away ...

If you love yourself, you like to look good. You enjoy being the center of attention. It's nice, but it's not necessary. You do not need everyone to approve of your style, your principles and your tastes. Not necessary. You will not intentionally shock those around you with your extravagant views ... But you definitely won’t adjust yourself either. Except when it's really needed.

Have I been able to love myself?

I think yes. I managed to love myself. Perhaps there is still room for improvement. And I'm not going to stop this process... But now I'm shifting the focus to other aspects of my development. Because I perfectly feel the difference between what was and what has become ... What has changed?

I stopped constantly berating myself for the lack of cleanliness in the house, for the lack of food in the refrigerator ... And so on. As a result, I fell in love with cooking. Now . The apartment has become cleaner, although there is still room for improvement... But I don't demand perfect cleanliness from myself. Pretty good for what it is. Especially when living with a baby.
I stopped trying to please everyone. Relaxed by interacting with other people. As a result, it became more interesting for me to communicate, I made many new friends ... I wrote about this in the article ""
I became easier to relate to the child, learned to enjoy motherhood and manage to do everything ... (" ")
Learned to calmly ask for help when needed. Without remorse, ask my husband to babysit when I'm really tired. And at the same time, I learned not to abuse someone else's help. If I feel good, I can do everything myself.
I started taking care of myself more. Put on makeup every morning, wear nice clothes at home... Even if no one sees. But at the same time, an old bathrobe will not be a disaster for me. And if it didn’t work out to be painted in the morning, I don’t get hysterical.
I have found interests besides the child. Blog, lectures, books, embroidery... Maybe soon I will start going to dances. But I don't know yet. The question is not how the husband will spend one and a half to two hours with the baby twice a week ... The question is whether I need this, whether it will not be an extra expenditure of energy.
I stopped overeating. Finally started eating right. I used to eat several muffins and a pack of cookies a day. I could not tear myself away from sweets ... Now I don’t eat rolls at all, sometimes I eat cookies - but no more than 2-3 at a time. And not every day. (" ")
I started getting up at 6 in the morning and going to bed at 22-23. I felt it was better for me. Though I've never been a lark. (" ")
I forgot my childhood grudges against my sister. Probably almost everything. As a result, it became much easier for me to live with her (and we live in the same apartment), to share food, space, bathroom ...
I became calmer, more relaxed... I do not expect any feats and super-achievements from myself... As a result, I achieved much more than I could have expected.

What do we have to do?

I want to give some advice to those for whom our topic is very relevant.

Don't expect instant results! You have not loved yourself for so long ... It will take more than one month of work to change the situation!
At first, try to redirect all your perfectionism to doing exercises. It is especially important to master the exercise "" and "". There are many other exercises on my blog, but these two can work wonders... Of course, if you do them as carefully as possible.
Move forward every day in small steps. Gradually allow yourself more than before. Gradually allow yourself not to be perfect. This does not mean that we strive to become an irresponsible wife and mother. But at the initial stage it is necessary allow yourself to be anyone. Be who you are.
Constantly work on your craving for approval. Pay attention to how you strive to please everyone. How you deliberately try to say something smart or something funny... How upset you get if you are not noticed or approved. Believe me, it's still useless. If you are trying to please, you are not sincere. And insincerity repels.
In the end, do not make another mania out of love for yourself. Don't think about how to love yourself around the clock. Relax. Fanaticism is nowhere to be found. Read the article "". But remember - at the initial stage, it may be useful to give the exercises all your strength.

Louise Hay's advice on our topic:

If you are thinking about loving yourself, you are already on the right track! You are already starting to change ... Many girls never ask such questions. I wish you good luck and joy! Be happy!

All it takes to have love is to be love.
Love does not require conditions.
This experience is absolute and perfect.

Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.

What is this term often confused with?

This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!

True self love is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.

There is no pressure or effort involved.

Having this feeling:

you are in harmony with yourself;
you walk the world easily;
feel confident in any situation;
respect everything you do and everything you say.

It's such a down to earth and natural feeling.

Let's figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.

1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complete you, you are already self-sufficient

2. Accept yourself completely

Accept yourself the way you are

Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.

Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
This is important because people often judge themselves, hate themselves and despise themselves for the things that have been done in the past.
At that moment in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes, because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
Of course, then you admit the mistake, but you love yourself with these mistakes and accept them.
Thanks to your mistakes, you are where you are now..
They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.

When you no longer associate the word “acceptance” with weakness, you begin to live with ease and calmness that you have never seen before.

Accept all your flaws and love yourself with them: there is what is

Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."

Example. I screwed up in front of people yesterday, I couldn't make a presentation and didn't prepare.

There is what is, and that's okay.

Use this phrase as practical advice on how to love yourself and stop self-flagellation.

What is the fine line which many people forget:

This does not mean that you have now resigned yourself to the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! No.
You still strive to be the best version of yourself.
You just don't judge yourself for your shortcomings.

3. You don't need a reason to love yourself.

You are self-sufficient and should love yourself for no reason.

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, then love will not be complete and complete, and doubts and reasons for the opposite immediately appear in your head. You don't need a reason.

As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because…”, there are immediately reasons not to love yourself!

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you find reasons to doubt!

You love yourself, period. Without a reason.

You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason to be otherwise.

Thanks to this realization, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.

4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal

No one is better or worse than you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermine your self-esteem.

Otherwise, you will get into an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a self-confident person.

Get out from under the influence of social programming. Be aware that.

Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.

5. Never compare yourself to others

Comparing oneself to others always causes a feeling of lack of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.

Never chase after others and do not strive to be what you are not!

Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare it with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.

Comparing yourself to others gets in the way of self-acceptance.

You cannot be what you are not. You can't live someone else's life. No matter how hard you try, you'll be able to be a cheaper, duller version of the person you're chasing!

The best thing you can do is be yourself.

Don't try to be what you are not. Don't try to be like everyone else.

Be yourself and go beyond your limits, expand your comfort zone.

It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves with each other. And as a result, then they are always competing with someone. It's like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.

With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love themselves and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will forever remain open.

With whom can you compare yourself?

The only person you should compare yourself to it's you yourself!

For example, what were you like yesterday and what are you today.

A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT with regards to the results achieved, but with regards to the new knowledge and awareness received.

Ask yourself these questions daily:

What have I become wiser than yesterday and what have I learned new?
What lessons have I learned from today?
Am I out of my comfort zone today?

Only such a comparison with oneself has a place to be.

If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.

6. Respect your body and your mind

Consider the sixth advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself.

Respect for your body and mind means that you love yourself as a spiritual person who is able to think and be aware, and you love your healthy body and take care of it.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle

How to respect your body:

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed by the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful smelling, alcoholic, inhaling things and do not undermine its health.
Develop your body, go to the gym. Feel the pain of muscle growth when it comes to understanding that the muscles are using their full potential and you are using them correctly. It's fine.
These feelings of developing the muscles of the body and eating the right food give you more confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives this way because they hate themselves and don't know anything about how to learn to love and appreciate themselves.

Respect your mind and consciousness, do not stuff it with false information

What does this mean and how should it be implemented:

You don't have to watch trash on TV.
You need to think positively, have clear and distinct thoughts. Have pure thoughts. And then you will close your questions about .
You remove all negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
You need to develop your mind, explore new concepts, ideas, topics, look for better solutions.
Let your mind rest.
Meditate. You can read more about .
Show him that you respect him.

The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself.

7. Remove the negative grumpy granny in yourself, judging other people and yourself

Why you need to stop judging others and yourself

This will also be the main advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself for a woman after 50 or an elderly man.

But, alas, this bad habit is also found among the younger generation.

An example of how judging others limits you

For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
And you and your friend go through and start throwing mud at him: “Here, Chaliapin was found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, let him go to the circus,” etc.
There comes a time when you already have to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
It is this grouchy grandmother, judging others, that limits you in your actions.
Never judge anyone. Both yourself and others.

The only thing you can blame yourself:

Have I done my best?
Did I do everything I could to get better?

8. If you don’t like something, then don’t endure it, act

You can verbally tell the person that you don't like it, or use facial expressions and gestures to show that you do not approve of it.

From childhood, your mother taught you to endure difficult situations and let them be.

It was the same at school. No need to be patient!

These are not necessarily words, they can be actions that stop what you do not like.

Example: The man smokes in the car. And you can't stand cigarette smoke and have never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.

I suggest that the person get out of the car and smoke on the sidelines.
I'm talking about the fact that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and I'm allergic.
I say that we will not be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.

Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.

The more you solve unpleasant situations for you, the more love and respect for yourself will appear.

9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what you don't

Why it is important to have personal boundaries:

Example.

I don't like it when a man sits on my neck.
I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
Etc.

Also write your preferences what you value and respect in people.

This way you will know what you want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love and respect yourself.

10. When you achieve your goals, reward yourself in every possible way: for example, buy yourself sweets.

If you set a goal for yourself and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.

How it helps you further:

Thus, unconsciously, you reinforce in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tastier.
There is more energy to achieve the goal.
Buying something for yourself, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes natural love for yourself for the efforts and efforts made.

For example, I like to buy sweets for myself: chocolates, cake. To whom to taste. It's always nice.

Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.

11. Don't whine or let whiners cry into your waistcoat.

You are not a sponge and not a vest in which you can cry! Make it clear to everyone around you.

When you yourself whine next to people for life and for people, you just show them that they can also do the same to you.

Whining does not solve the problem in any way!

You don’t want to love a whiner, you want to love a strong personality!

How to stop whiners:

If the person next to you whines and complains about life, on people, pours out his soul to you and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
If he keeps whining, then he's not going to solve anything.. This means that a person just wants to feel needed for you, pour out his soul to you, feel your empathy.
Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?”. Get rid of the whiners without a doubt, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
Get the whiners out of your social circle, and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities around. No whiner will drag you down.

12. You create all situations yourself: take responsibility for yourself and your actions

How to learn it with a piece of paper and a pen

Apply this effective method from psychology on the topic of learning to love yourself in practice.

An example with a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street

How did the person bring the situation to this point:

I myself behaved too aggressively and emotionally.
I myself called names and provoked a man.
I could just leave at any moment.
I was looking for my own adventure.
I pushed the man first.
I myself attracted the negative that I had been accumulating for a long time.

13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them down and remember them.

Know exactly what value you have, what attractive characteristics and qualities.

If you don't know this, you won't be able to develop self-love and dealing with people will be harder.

For example, it's great if while communicating with people, you, without even straining, bring such things as:

Whoever you are you already have value, if only because you are unique.

Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with restless thoughts about how to learn to love yourself as a woman or a man.

Answer the following questions in writing:

What makes your personality attractive?
What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
What sensations do you give to people who are in your environment without trying and without making an effort?
How deeply can you express your interesting personality when interacting with other people?
How independent and free are you on the inside?

Values are different for different people. As your personality develops, your values may change.

Video on how to increase objective self-esteem

14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires

Say what you want.
If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do it and realize them!
Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.

Don't be afraid to show yourself what others don't want you to see! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!

The more you trust yourself and act on your desires, the more you live the life you want.

Examples of how people limit themselves in life because of the opinions of others:

Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality because they are afraid of offending other people.
Some people don't want to dance because they're afraid of getting looks of disapproval or bringing smiles to the faces of others.

You can read an article on how to ignore other people's opinions and get rid of shyness.

15. Be more interested in yourself, do introspection, strive to be your best self

How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person

Stick to these principles, and you will no longer worry about how to learn to love life and yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

What are your passions in this life?
What excites and excites you?
What kind of humor do you like?
What kind of music do you like?

16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it

Set yourself a goal that will excite you and keep you awake!
Live this dream and make it a reality every day.
The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to implement it and make it a reality.
If the goal is low and petty, then there will be so much energy.
Thus, on the way to a big goal, you will live an interesting life., there will be respect for yourself and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.

Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.

17. It's Important to Love Other People: Don't Try to Change Them

It is important to love and accept people for who they are.

Be aware of these principles, reread them occasionally, and don't worry about how to love yourself and other people too.

18. You don't have to be a super perfect person.

Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be super-ideal and correct.

Allegedly, you should have an ideal body, education.

In fact, no one wants to be perfect and correct!

Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.

People want to be themselves.

Allow yourself and others to be who they are.

In this way, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.

19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat

Enough to conform to your idea of what is normal

To be in pretentious cool places, it is absolutely not necessary to have super expensive clothes.

To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of \u200b\u200bwhat is normal.

Well, it is desirable, of course, to find out in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then there is no need to comply with anything.

It is very stupid to advise a person to always think positively.. This is tantamount to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
Any condition is temporary and impermanent.. For all people, the state changes and there is no point in forcing a person to depend on the state and constantly chase after it.
This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. No.
You gotta love yourself no matter what state you're in. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

This is where all the advice ends. Now you know everything about how to love yourself correctly and correctly interpret this concept.

Wise words

Love is the absence of separation and boundaries between people. This is when you are dissolved and see yourself in every person.

Loving all people is much more beautiful than loving yourself alone or just your partner.

People need to love and respect themselves. It's not about selfishness or selfishness. To love yourself means to believe in the power of your spirit. A person who is satisfied with himself knows that he has a goal and tries in every possible way to achieve it. Accepting all your pluses and minuses, making friends with yourself is not so easy as it seems at first glance. To do this, you need to achieve harmony. It is she who will fill human life with happiness. Learn the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself. If you are ready to work on yourself and change, then go ahead!

What does it mean to love yourself?

If a person loves himself, then he is comfortable alone with himself and in company. He is confident in his abilities, he makes all decisions independently. Such a person knows which path to follow, respects his mistakes.

First, take a look at yourself. Treat yourself like a good friend. Don't know how to start loving yourself? It's not that hard. First, on a piece of paper, make a list of what you call love. Some of the items on this list are:

take care of yourself;
to please yourself with little things;
calm in difficult situations;
strive for spiritual and professional growth;
do not deprive yourself of praise.

Doing the above is very important. Additionally, you can remember about a healthy lifestyle, appearance. Proper nutrition, active rest, sufficient care of the body, hair, teeth make a person attractive and increase his self-esteem.

Your level of self-esteem

Where to start self-esteem, how to start loving yourself? The advice of psychologists is aimed at performing one simple exercise. To do this, you will need a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Draw a line from one corner of the sheet to the other. After that, put a point on it that would be associated with your vision of yourself. The interpretation of the results of such a test is as follows:

If you put a mark close to the middle of the line, then you have an optimal level of self-esteem. You clearly love yourself, but consider the opinions of others.
If you were inspired to put a dot on top of the line, then you have too high self-esteem. You don't just love, you adore yourself. Do not forget about the feelings of others.
The dot you put at the bottom of the line indicates an underestimation. You listen too much to the opinions of others, you almost do not value yourself.

The last test result stimulates to change this situation. How to start loving yourself again? Read on to find out some practical advice from psychologists.

Negativity and criticism are the worst enemies

Everyone has heard that thoughts are material. It is very important to think positively. Catch yourself on every negative thought, switch to the right track. How to do it? Here are some psychologists' tips:

Don't be selfish, stop criticizing yourself. All people make mistakes, so respect yourself and accept with all the shortcomings.
Let go of all past gaps and grievances, forgive everyone, including yourself. Analyze all your mistakes and learn from it.
Think positively about yourself. Focus on the positives to cultivate and develop them. Feel like a kind and positive person, even with small flaws.
Be responsible for everything that happens to you, do not blame anyone for anything. Learn to control your perception. Remember, the choice is always yours, any situation can be changed. Your life is in your hands!

You need to change your thinking gradually, do not boil over. If you were a big self-critic, then it will take time for you to become a self-sufficient person.

Change theory with practice

It is not enough to have theoretical information, do not forget about the practical direction. To do this, psychologists recommend performing very interesting exercises that will help you perceive yourself as a whole.

1. "Reflect on yourself".

Answer the following questions honestly:

Who you are? (Specify gender, age, profession and type of activity).
What are you satisfied and dissatisfied with about yourself?
Do you have any achievements worthy of pride?
What are you striving for?
What are your best skills?
What do people see good and bad in you?
Reasons for your failures?

This exercise leads to self-knowledge, will help to determine all the pros and cons.

2. "Advantages and disadvantages".

Take a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Draw a vertical line down the middle of it. Write down your strengths on one side and your weaknesses on the other. Read all the information provided carefully. Then tear off half of the sheet with the listed minuses, wrinkle and discard. Try to re-read the saved piece with merits as often as possible. If suddenly there are additions, then feel free to include them to your pluses. You can record even the smallest victories. Over time, self-love will begin to develop.

3. "I'm not the same as yesterday."

Don't put yourself in opposition to other people. Notice all the good and bad behind you, fix it. In the evening, check your notes and compare with the previous ones, analyze. If you yourself notice the dynamics of changes, then this will be a great stimulation. Respect yourself, confess to yourself in love!

Daily work on yourself

If you want to learn the philosophy of how to start loving yourself, then remember the regularity of your actions. After waking up and at night, mentally wish yourself well. Start the day with a greeting, praise yourself, wish good night. Such a simple ritual will accustom your mind to a positive attitude towards your personality. Soon you will not notice how you begin to love yourself.

Try talking to your reflection in the mirror. Smile, say a few commendable phrases addressed to you. Women can imagine themselves as the heroine of the film "The most charming and attractive." Say approving phrases: "I like myself, I'm attractive and sweet, men like me." After a while, you will notice the effectiveness of this exercise.

Do not forget about small gifts and surprises. It can be some kind of accessory, cosmetic or wardrobe item. Don't forget to take care of your body. Exercise, eat right. A beautiful body is another reason to be proud of yourself.

Basic steps to get rid of insecurity

So, after learning how to start loving yourself, follow these steps:

Get rid of the role of the victim and learn to forgive

Happiness is within you. Some problems from a distant childhood do not allow a person to learn how to start loving and respecting themselves. The advice of psychologists only proves that sometimes parents, in their desire to raise a well-mannered person, humiliate and offend their child. This does not mean that you need to keep the offense for life.

The highest degree of humanity is forgiveness. Forgive everyone, including yourself. Know that in some cases people are driven by fear and ignorance. If you are tormented by resentment and pain, then forgive the offenders mentally. Let go of the situation. It is impossible to correct the mistakes of the past, try to make your future happy.

Self love and selfishness: what's the difference?

Many people confuse self-love and self-respect with selfishness. On the contrary, if you don't love yourself, you won't love others. To increase self-esteem and not step over the line of selfishness, remember the following tips:

People are not perfect, everyone can make mistakes, do not demand too much from others.
Be frank with your neighbors, express your wishes and disagreements.
Consider the opinions of others, but always have your own point of view.
Accept people as they are, don't try to change them.

Always remember that change takes time. Start your journey with small steps to reach your goal!

Books "How to start loving yourself?"

There are a lot of books that will help you auto-train and feel happy. Many have been guided by the great book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It helps to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, fight shyness and indecision. The main postulate of this book: "Love yourself - and life will love you"!

Many are familiar with the books of the famous doctor Kurpatov. One of them is called "12 non-trivial decisions. Find peace in your soul." She gives a lot of practical and useful advice about being with all the flaws.

Louise Hay devoted more than 30 books to psychology. One of them is "Love yourself. Trust your life." The author has formulated 10 ways to become happy.

Many have heard about family psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, who is the most expensive and sought-after specialist in Moscow. He has a book "Love yourself with any appearance." The author gives a lot of advice about increasing self-esteem. All these works are united by one important piece of advice - you must feel your importance!

"How to love yourself" The topic is perhaps very important and relevant. More than once I stop repeating that before you want something, for example, respect for others, you must first start with yourself. That is, start respecting yourself. I often hear things like: "How can you demand love from another person if you are unable to love yourself?" Therefore, today we will learn to love ourselves, because if we want to experience love for us from others, and indeed the love of our World, then we need to start, it would seem, from the smallest (and this is not so) - to love ourselves myself. And until we do this, it is unlikely that we will be able to feel that someone loves us.

Man does not know how to love himself. Why? First of all, he has low self-esteem (read the article: "How to Raise Self-Esteem" and, Secondly People often confuse self-love with selfishness. Selfishness is when a person does everything exclusively for himself and cares about others, he categorically does not. Even to loved ones. Self love implies respect and enjoyment of one's own nature. Until we love ourselves, no one loves us. And even if he loves, we doubt it. In addition, we ourselves cannot adequately love someone. Why? Because we can't do it. Maybe this person is dear to you, but how much do you love him, if you cannot do even the most banal? Love the person you love the most - yourself!

When a person loves himself with the "right love", he is confident in himself. He has enough energy to give this love of his. And in return receives even more love from others and from the world as a whole. If you intend to become a self-confident person, if you want to live a free and wonderful life, if you want to have wonderful relationships with loved ones, relatives, with your soulmate, it is important to love yourself.

How to love yourself?

Now let's move on to practical tips that will help you realize your Self and help you truly love yourself. The tips are not very simple and will require a little effort and time from you, but the reward will be great!

Tip #1: Stop beating yourself up.

Let's start with what you need to stop doing. Some people self-eat every day and do not notice how they exhaust themselves. If this has become a habit for you, you yourself noticed how you closed yourself off from the world, from those around you and from yourself. Literally every day you destroy yourself. For small failures, you are ready to humiliate yourself so that every time your soul is pierced by a sword with a sharp end. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it will be clearer to you.

While you scold yourself, you won’t get rid of your suspiciousness, you won’t raise your self-esteem, you won’t open up to the world, you won’t do something sensible, you won’t love yourself, you won’t give your love to the world around you and nothing useful at all. Therefore, once again I remind you that the topic "How to Love Yourself" important and difficult. In this advice, you should just stop berating yourself for all the failures, small or big, for your character (work on it) and just become calmer (read the article: "How to become calmer. 5 ways").

2nd tip - be aware of yourself.

You must understand what you like in life. What do you love and what do you want to do? You must set yourself a goal. As long as you have at least one goal in life, life becomes more interesting. When a person knows what he is needed for, it becomes easier for him to love himself. After all, he is aware of his importance.

Maybe you work as a veterinarian, and every day you rescue and treat animals. It's already great!!! You love animals and give them your love and receive it in return. You may not notice it directly, but when you return home, you feel satisfied with everything that happened that day. You have often heard thanks from a little girl for helping her kitten. And it brings you joy.

When we are self-aware, we can do good deeds and receive love in return. There is one exercise that helps to realize and find yourself in this life. Of course, this is difficult to do and it will not work the first time, but still, do it. Who knows what quick effect you can achieve?!

Take paper and divide it into two columns with a pencil. In the left column write:

Who am I?
What am I proud of?
What am I striving for?
What is the best thing I can do?
Who do I admire?

In the right column:

Why don't I love myself?
What do I not like about myself?
What do people not like about me?
What is the worst thing I do?
What am I avoiding?

By doing this exercise, you will get to know yourself even closer. You will have the opportunity to eliminate your shortcomings. In no case do not put up with them, because humility is just watching when you can correct. And you can fix a lot.

3rd tip - Point out your strengths.

This is the opposite of the first advice. Instead of humiliating yourself, you look for dignity in yourself. Every person has them, and everyone has had victories in their lives. Now is the time for us to remember them, and not just once, but every day to remember them.

Man is such a creature: he forgets his victories quickly, but he remembers his failures forever. Is this about you by any chance? All you now need to do is take the paper again and write down on it all the victories that you have achieved in life and all the qualities that you like in yourself. You can do this every day throughout the day. What did you manage to do today? Can you refer to this article? Hmm ... for me it's like a plus for starting a new life.

4th tip - start a new life.

There are two main things here: constancy and slowness. If you have begun to change yourself and your life, you need to do it constantly, and not quit right away. You want to change your appearance. Every day, step by step, move towards this dream, I understand that you need everything at once, but this does not happen. In addition, there is one nuance here as a plus: time flies quickly, and you will not notice how another year has already flown by. If you were to work on yourself this year, what would you be like now? Is it worth stopping then? Should we hurry if time is not kind to us anyway?

You have to figure out what you don't like about yourself and start changing it. This is how you start a new life. As you become better, you will praise yourself for your achievements, and, consequently, love yourself. Remember about time. You don't have to rush things.

Tip #5: Be kind to yourself and others.

Kindness is the light both inside and outside of you. Why don't you bring another light into this world? Start smiling even if the day is not good. Now you should tell yourself 80% that everything is fine and life is beautiful and 20% already express your dissatisfaction (it is better to do this on paper). Why do I advise expressing dissatisfaction? The fact is that when a person expresses his dissatisfaction, he gets rid of it. This can be done at the gym, or while you're cooking. Openly expressing yourself alone is a useful thing, but only when it makes up no more than 20% of your life.

Now, when you go anywhere, put a smile on your face. I remember when I walked on the street, I smiled, because I had to do it because of this and the habit is already like that. I saw passers-by also begin to simply smile in response. How it lifts their spirits (although some only marveled at my smile). She's so contagious. As long as you smile - you look like the most attractive person, and life smiles at you!

6th tip - change the environment.

There are people who underestimate you. That's why you lose self-esteem, that's why you don't love yourself. There are such personalities in life - overwhelming . These are a kind of energy vampires that feed on other people's energy, as they quickly deplete their own.

If you have such people and you know them, you can just talk to them about it. If you love each other or are friends, then such a nuance from your life in a relationship will disappear. If not, end the relationship.

7th tip - new beliefs.

You should program yourself to love yourself. Affirmations about self-love will suit you. Every day in a state of meditation, you should listen to affirmations and feel with all your heart that this is so. Waking up in the morning, say the first words: "I love myself for who I am." After 90 days, these lines will settle down in your root, and you will no longer be able not to love yourself. No matter what they tell you, you will still love yourself.

These are all tips and methods that you should use. In order to fully love yourself, you need not so much time. When you do this, love yourself, you can succeed more in life and become a truly loving and happy person. Big love to you!!!

Psychologists say that many problems in a woman's life arise because she is too critical of herself, does not love herself. We often hear, “Love yourself. And everything in life will get better! But it's easier to say these words than to put them into practice. However, with a strong desire, you can raise your own self-esteem and love yourself in a short time.

First of all, it is necessary to define what it is - self-love. Many confuse it with narcissism and narcissism, when a person considers himself the "center of the universe" and thinks that everyone else is obviously worse than him. Loving yourself does not mean being selfish. These two feelings have nothing to do with each other.

True self-love is acceptance of your identity. You accept yourself, your character, your body and love, despite all the shortcomings. This is a modest and natural feeling that allows you to live without stress and feel like a happy person.

There are several signs of high self-esteem:

Self-confidence in any situation
Respect for your deeds and actions
Feeling of lightness and happiness
You live in harmony with yourself

If you only want to achieve all this, you need to learn how to love yourself.

Steps towards love

A sense of love and self-respect can be cultivated in oneself. To increase your self-esteem, you need to perform specific actions and control your feelings and emotions. Here are a few simple steps to start building your own self-esteem.

Kindness to yourself.

Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up over the little things. Stop thinking about your shortcomings. All these thoughts should simply be thrown out of your head and not allowed to appear. From the day you decide to love yourself, all you need to say to yourself is compliments and nice words. In no case should you scold yourself for your appearance, since it does not always depend on us.

Many women reproach themselves for past mistakes. But it should be understood that admitting a mistake is already a big plus. What's the point of scolding yourself that a long time ago you did this and not otherwise? It is better to be kind and forgive yourself, not dwell on past mistakes and recognize them as invaluable life experiences.

Stop negative words and thoughts!

Our subconscious takes seriously all the words and thoughts that we send it. Stop thinking that you are ugly or fat, otherwise you will be like that. All negative thoughts and words should be immediately blocked. It often happens that we talk badly about ourselves in front of other people, subconsciously expecting compliments from them. Under no circumstances should this be done. It is better, looking at yourself in the mirror, to think about the good and compliment yourself.

Analysis of relationships with people

In life, we are surrounded by many different people. The advice of a psychologist says: you need to communicate only with those who do not cause negative emotions in you and do not bring negativity into your life. It is difficult to do this, but it is quite possible to achieve your goal. Instead of communicating with people you don’t like, it’s better to be in the company of yourself - it will be much more valuable and productive. Don't be afraid to change your social circle. After all, there are probably people in your environment, next to whom the soul rejoices and flourishes, and the mood rises.

The ability to say "no"

If you don’t have a heart for something, then you shouldn’t do it. Naturally, this does not include your daily duties: work, study, housework, activities with children - there is no escape from this. And there are things that you do without urgent need and without desire.

Actions during which you have to sacrifice your principles and desires lead to a decrease in your self-esteem. Your authority in your own eyes and self-respect are falling, you stop loving yourself. Most often, we do such actions when we do not want to offend or disappoint someone. For example, we go to a party, just so as not to upset the one who invited you, we buy an unnecessary thing, so that the seller is not offended.

You need to learn to say "no" to those people and things that you don't like. The main thing is not to feel guilty about it. You should do only what you want, showing love and respect for your own desires. Do not be afraid that someone will be offended by you. Learn to tactfully refuse and respect personal boundaries.

Love for your appearance

Look at yourself in the mirror and try to understand: do you love your face, your body? Do you accept yourself for who you are? You need to love your age, your weight, your figure, habits, character. It is difficult to find a woman who considers her figure and appearance ideal. Almost everyone sees flaws in themselves, sees their body as imperfect and wants to correct it.

For women, love for your body is especially important. Since childhood, most people have been given the idea that our figure is something imperfect that needs to be corrected. No one has canceled work on oneself, but one should not reach fanaticism in this and strive for perfection with all one's strength. This is an ongoing process. Extra pounds will go away - wrinkles will appear, cellulite will be replaced by gray hair and so on.

But in fact, our body is a gift that needs to be loved and cherished. Having fallen in love with your reflection in the mirror, you will very soon be convinced that the problem of excess weight is gone or no longer bothers you, and wrinkles and gray hair do not make you older than you are. Over the years, the body undergoes natural changes that cannot be stopped. Youth, maturity and decay are inevitable stages in the development of any living organism. If you constantly worry about it and look for every new wrinkle, then self-esteem will plummet.

Instead, you need to choose to enjoy your appearance, your face, body, hair. Your body really wants love, so take care of it, and it will be grateful to you.

Council the first. Getting to know your own body. To do this, you need to completely undress, stand in front of a mirror and carefully examine yourself. This time, you do not need to look for flaws and imperfections in yourself, you must make sure that your body is beautiful. To enhance your emotions, run your hand over your skin, feel its softness and velvety, consider the smooth curves, dimples and bulges.
Find the part of your body that you like the most and admire it, touch it. For example, you have a large chest, or a thin waist, or even beautiful collarbones - it can be anything. Turn around in front of a mirror to take a closer look at your beauty from all angles.
This exercise should be done twice a week. Gradually, you will not only get used to your body, but also love it the way it is.

Tip two. Personal care. Often we hear the expression “well-groomed woman”, if you want to be like that, then you must definitely take care of yourself. Just imagine a room in which no one has put things in order for a long time: it will look neglected and untidy. So what do you want from your body if you don't take care of it? Many women will object and say that they cleanse and moisturize their skin daily, and sometimes even pamper themselves with masks.

But not only the process is important, but also how it is executed. Self-care should not be combined with household chores or other concerns. You need to completely relax and enjoy the procedure, whether it's a bubble bath or a cleansing facial mask. That is, all care procedures should not be mechanical, but conscious. A procedure done in passing will not bring much benefit, you need to immerse yourself in the process, as they say, with your head.
Self-care also includes stretching, physical activity. But you need to do this only if the process really gives you pleasure. When you do something for your body, it is important to be in contact with it and in harmony, not to be distracted by extraneous stimuli.

Tip three. Pleasures for the body. You need to not only love and care for your body, but also pamper it. It is through the body that we know the world, feel and feel it. Any pleasurable bodily experience will do as a pleasure for your body. Everything here is purely individual. Some people like silk sheets, others enjoy the aroma of their favorite perfume, the delicate fabric of underwear, a massage from a professional massage therapist, the touch of fur, or even the hands of a loved one.

Even the simplest things can bring a lot of pleasure. Stretch your whole body in the morning - it's so nice!
And then brew yourself delicious coffee, feeling its delicious aroma. On the street, do not withdraw into yourself, but expose your face to a light breeze and gentle sun, inhale the aromas of fresh greenery or a frosty morning. Feel your body, its movements, learn to enjoy the very opportunity to move freely and easily.

Council the fourth. Attention to the body. When you learn to love and pamper your body, start listening to it. The body gives us signals that must be noticed. The most common is pain, usually severe enough for us to accurately notice it. And we often do not pay attention to minor ailments, deterioration in well-being. But in vain! Eliminating it is much easier than fixing more serious consequences later. Pay attention to what you eat and how you do it. Most often, we eat on a schedule at the same time, or vice versa, without any mode, when a free minute appears. Eat when you really want to. And preference should be given to those dishes that you like. The rules of a healthy diet are good, but sometimes it is worth listening to the needs of your body. If you adhere to the principles of a healthy diet, but you are unbearably craving a cake, nothing bad will happen from one piece. Our body signals us about what nutrients it lacks.
Next, pay attention to sleep. Usually we spare time to sleep, leaving it for later, for the weekend, in general, following the residual principle. There is always something more important and necessary or more interesting that distracts us from this vital process. A sleepy person loses his vitality much faster, his reaction slows down, attention drops. Chronic sleep deprivation can even lead to illness.

Tip five. Presenting yourself correctly. Even the most beautiful person will not look like that if he is dressed in inappropriate clothes. the ability to dress, look stylish and attractive is one of the tricks that will help you fall in love with your own body. It is not necessary to dress expensively, but clothes should suit you and emphasize the dignity of your figure.

Psychologists give another good piece of advice on how to love your own body: stop comparing yourself to other people. You can only compare yourself in the present with yourself in the past. At the same time, only positive points should be noted.

Self respect

Until you have self-respect, you will not be able to live in harmony with yourself. It is respect that is the basis of self-love, without which it is impossible to enjoy life to the fullest.

It's impossible to love someone you don't respect.

Respect is about standing up for yourself, showing your personality, and showing others that you are truly worthy of respect. At the same time, defending one's own opinion should not be accompanied by scandal or noise. It is important to do this calmly and with dignity, then you will be treated accordingly.

Most of us are used to either silently swallowing insults and insults, or responding to them by sliding down to the level of the offender. Often after this, we are tormented by the fact that we could not find the right words and get out of the situation with dignity. But you definitely need to learn how to do this, forgetting the settings given to us in childhood. Children are rarely taught to love themselves, teachers do not always treat children with respect, just like other adults. As we grow, we get used to the fact that fighting back is unacceptable. These attitudes carry over with us into adulthood.

It is very difficult to learn not to experience these emotions and deal with them. But if you wish, you can refuse them once and for all. You need to go through this in order to learn to truly love and respect yourself. In general, there are two ways out of the conflict situation:

Forgive the person and let go
Reply to the offender without losing dignity, without sinking to his level

Both options are suitable for cultivating self-esteem and self-love. Each person experiences the aggressive influence of others. Anger can be directed specifically at you or just in society, but it is not necessary to experience negative emotions at all.

Distract and do not react to the irritant, especially if the meeting with such a person is short-term - for example, in line or on the bus.

If you don't like something, be sure to talk about it. Don't hide dissatisfaction in yourself. A calm and friendly tone will help solve any problem. Negative emotions should appear in your life as little as possible.

Methods for raising self-esteem

Before raising your self-esteem, you need to determine at what level it is. On a blank sheet of paper, draw a vertical line and put a dot on it. In this case, the dot symbolizes you and your attitude towards yourself. The lower the point on the graph, the lower your level of self-love. The best option is the middle, it means an adequate perception of oneself. If the point is much above average, then your self-love borders on adoration.

If self-love is clearly not enough for you, try training to cultivate it.

First exercise- quite simple and common. Take a sheet of paper and vertically divide it into two parts. On the left, write everything, even, in your opinion, your most insignificant virtues. On the right side of the sheet - your negative qualities that you would like to change in yourself. Look at the list on the right side and carefully cross out, paint over each word in it. Then tear off this half of the sheet and destroy it in any way - burn it, tear it into small pieces, cut it with scissors, flush it down the toilet, blow it in the wind. Save the remaining half and memorize these words. Every morning, in front of the mirror, repeat a list of your positive traits, starting with the words: “I am ...”. Every 3-4 days the list should be updated with a new quality. If it happens more often, even better.

Second exercise performed in the evenings. Sit down and focus, remember everything that happened during the day and praise yourself. Let for some little things or minor actions, but be sure to praise. Don't compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Follow the dynamics, you can make notes in a notebook.

Step by step exercise which is useful for every woman. First you need to imagine your image - this is what you would like to become. It should be not only appearance, but also character, thoughts, behavior. Imagine a specific picture in which there will be a lot of details. The image should not differ too much from the original. Analyze the resulting image and remove all negativity from it. That is, you should position all your negative qualities as positive ones. For example, slowness is not a flaw, but just your feature. Perhaps you just take a more balanced approach to the performance of your tasks and responsibilities. In the same vein, consider each of your qualities. After that, your image will be more solid and complete.

Compare the resulting image with what you are now. If the self-image has a positive content, then this has a great effect on self-esteem.

External factors are not important for true self-love. It doesn't matter what car you have, T-shirt, hairstyle - it's all external, temporary. It doesn't even matter if you have a family, children, a loved one. self-sufficiency is one of the signs of true self-love.
Mistakes and shortcomings are your experience, your exceptional traits. Your mistakes have brought you to the point in life where you are now. And flaws are a reflection of your personality. However, it is important to understand here that the fight against negative qualities is still underway: you strive to become better and better every day.
Love doesn't need a reason. This also applies to self-love. If the phrase “I love myself because ...” appears in my head, then this is obviously a false path.
You need to love and respect not only your body, but also your mind. Try not to watch TV, read useful literature, develop your mind and not clog it with unnecessary information.
Stop judging others, then you will be more condescending about your own life. Judgment is a negative that should be avoided in your life. In a conversation, you can be surprised and start a new, interesting topic for you.
Reward and pamper yourself. For example, when you reach a certain goal, give yourself a gift. Let it be a day off, a visit to the spa, or just buying a cake.
Stop crying and complaining, avoid this when communicating with other people. Nobody wants to love whiners, they love strong personalities who can solve their problems. If there is a person in your environment who constantly cries into your vest, just remove him from your circle.
Trust yourself. Your desires, your intuition and intentions - all this must be put into practice, unless, of course, it has good intentions. You should not live someone else's life and behave "like everyone else", so as not to stand out from the environment.
Find a goal and strive to achieve it. It should be a really big and exciting task that will be challenging, interesting and important. This will help you become an interesting person, and first of all interesting for yourself.

By rethinking your life, you can raise your self-esteem, love yourself and really enjoy every moment. Happy people attract positivity - love yourself and test it for yourself.