Chronic negligence of relationships (or hidden psychological abuse). Verbal aggression and psychological pressure: how to fight back a boor or a manipulator

1.3. Violence: types and forms

Obviously, individual victimhood, or the “victim complex”, is always realized in a situation that turned out to be sufficient for this. Such situations make demands on people that exceed their adaptive potential and are described in different terms: life difficulties, critical situations, negative life events, stressful life events, traumatic events, unwanted events, life crises, economic deprivation, disasters, catastrophes. Each of these situations is fraught with either a challenge or a threat to human life, and even causes irreparable losses (McCrae, 1984).

As discussed in the introduction, this handbook addresses a limited set of critical situations in which a person may exhibit victim behavior. This is:

1. various types of criminal offenses (attempted murder and grievous bodily harm, hooliganism, theft, fraud, extortion), as well as terrorist acts, primarily hostage-taking;

2. various types of violence (domestic, school, mobbing) and rape;

3. various variants of addictive behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, computer and game addiction, participation in destructive cults).

In this handbook, we do not cover situations where a person is the victim of an accident or domestic injury, although such scope is due solely to the limitation of the handbook. The issues of addictive behavior as a manifestation of the "complex" of the victim are also considered in the framework of the collision of the individual with various external and internal crises, or critical situations.

When the term “victim” is used, it is very often, if not always, meant to mean violence against that victim. Consider the main classifications of types and forms of violence.

In its most general form, violence is defined as a coercive effect on someone. The most common classification of types of violence, based on the nature of violent acts. It includes: physical, sexual, psychological (emotional), economic, etc. violence (Alekseeva, 2000).

Physical violence is pushing, slapping, punching, kicking, using heavy objects, weapons and other external influences that lead to pain and injuries. Such acts (insult by action), according to the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, are qualified as a crime.

Psychological (emotional) violence is threats, rudeness, bullying, verbal abuse and any other behavior that causes a negative emotional reaction and mental pain. Emotional abuse is much more difficult to identify. Although they do not leave bruises on the body, they can be much more destructive and, coupled with other kinds of influences, including physical ones, injure the psyche more.

Sexual violence is a type of harassment expressed in the form of both imposed sexual touching, sexual humiliation, and coercion to have sex and commit sexual acts (up to and including rape and incest) against the will of the victim.

Domestic violence, or domestic violence, includes physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. It extends not only to married couples, but also to partners, lovers, ex-spouses, parents and children. It is not limited to heterosexual relationships.

Economic violence in the family, such as the sole distribution of family budget funds by the dominant family member and strict control over the expenditure of money on his part, is a form of expression of emotional pressure and insult.

Thus, violence is a form of manifestation of mental and / or physical coercion in relation to one of the interacting parties, which forces this party to do something against its will, desires, needs. A party in this case can be understood as an individual or a group of people (Khristenko, 2004).

The concepts of "violence" and "violent crime" in legal and psychological practice do not coincide. Foreign experts came to the conclusion that the concept of "violence" in relation to a person is very broad, and in addition to those actions that are covered by the Criminal Code, it also includes the following actions:

Coercion or encouragement to perform actions or deeds that a person does not want to do;

Involving a person in an activity through deceit, blackmail, manipulation, threat of physical violence or material damage, preventing the person from doing what he wants to do;

Abuse of power, and power is viewed broadly as the power of age (for example, an adult over children), the power of force, the power of popularity, the power of gender (for example, the power of a man over a woman) and other types of power.

Quite widespread is such a phenomenon as domestic violence (Osipova, 2005).

Based on a survey of the population in the United States (a similar study was conducted in a number of European countries with the same results), the severity coefficients of various crimes were determined (Table 1.1). As can be seen from the table, the most significant for people is sexual violence, which ranks second in severity after the death of the victim (Khristenko, 2005).

Table 1.1.

Signs of crimes and coefficients of severity of crimes according to the Sellin-Wolfgang index.

Violence can be individual or collective in nature and is always aimed at inflicting physical, psychological, moral or other harm on someone.

Violence is divided into levels:

The level of the whole society, country;

The level of individual social groups;

The level of a small social group;

individual level.

The number of victims at different levels is different. The most dangerous level, as noted by various authors (Antonyan), is the vertical manifestation of violence, that is, at the state level. In this case, any person, even occupying a high social position, becomes a potential victim.

As already mentioned, in this handbook we deal primarily with violence at the level of the individual.

The nature of violence can be divided into:

Explicit (open manifestation of violence);

Hidden (violence, veiled in various ways), is often achieved through financial impact (deprivation of the subject of material assistance, appropriations, etc.).

Almost any violence has the form of psychological violence, including physical violence - the fear of getting even more damage than is already there. Physical abuse can be seen as an extension of psychological abuse. The exception is unexpected physical violence: an unexpected attack, death, damage to any organs that led to the impossibility of resistance.

Thus, in modern psychology, the concept of "violence" includes any act, the main purpose of which is to control the behavior of a partner, imposing his will on him without taking into account his own interests, desires, feelings, etc. Violence is any way of behavior (simple or complex, verbal or non-verbal) used to control the thoughts, feelings and actions of another, against his wishes, will or beliefs, but with a psychological (and often material) benefit for the rapist.

Despite the fact that the term "violence" is used very widely, there is some ambiguity in the interpretation of the semantic content of this concept. For example, in jurisprudence, violence is the use by a certain class or other social group of various forms of coercion in order to acquire or maintain economic or political dominance, to win certain privileges.

Very often the term "violence" is replaced by the term "aggression". However, although these terms have similar semantic content, they are not completely identical (Khristenko, 2004). The term "aggression" is usually used to describe any active, attacking, destructive actions. The term "violence" is used very widely, often as a synonym for aggression, while having a slightly different interpretation.

Aggression- these are intentional actions aimed at causing harm to another person, group of people or animal; aggressiveness- this is a property of the individual, expressed in readiness for aggression (Rean, 1999).

Aggression - any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being who does not want such treatment (Baron, Richardson, 1999). This definition includes two different types of aggression. Both of them are characteristic of animals: this is social aggression, which is characterized by demonstrative outbursts of rage, and silent aggression, similar to that which a predator shows when it sneaks up on its prey. Social aggression and silent aggression are associated with the functioning of different parts of the brain (Myers, 1998).

There are two types of aggression in humans: hostile aggression and instrumental aggression. The source of hostile aggression is anger. Her sole purpose is to cause harm. In the case of instrumental aggression, harm is not an end in itself, but a means to some other positive end.

Silmann ( Zillmann, 1979) replaced the terms "hostile" and "instrumental" with "stimulus-driven" and "drive-driven". Stimulus-induced aggression refers to actions that are taken primarily to eliminate an unpleasant situation or reduce its harmful effects. Motivation-driven aggression refers to actions that are taken primarily to achieve various external benefits.

Dodge and Koyi ( Dodge, Coie, 1987) suggested using the terms "reactive aggression" and "proactive aggression". Reactive aggression involves retaliation in response to a perceived threat. Proactive aggression, like instrumental aggression, generates behavior (for example, coercion, influence, intimidation) aimed at obtaining a certain positive result.

Freud (Myers, 1998) believed that the source of human aggression is the transfer by the individual of the energy of the primitive drive to death (which he called the "death instinct") from himself to external objects. Lorentz, who studied animal behavior, viewed aggression as an adaptive rather than a self-destructive behavior. But both scientists are unanimous that the aggressive energy has an instinctive nature. In their opinion, if it does not find discharge, then it accumulates until it explodes or until a suitable stimulus releases it. Lorentz also believed that we do not have innate mechanisms for inhibiting aggression, since they would make us defenseless.

Criticism of all evolutionary theories of aggression is based on the following arguments:

No genes directly associated with aggressive behavior have been found;

All arguments are based on observations of animal behavior;

The very logic of reasoning about the manifestations of the adaptability of any behavior raises doubts.

However, although the propensity of people to aggression does not necessarily qualify as an instinct, aggression is still biologically determined. Both in animals and in humans, scientists have discovered parts of the nervous system responsible for the manifestation of aggression. When these brain structures are activated, hostility increases; deactivating them leads to a decrease in hostility. Also, temperament - how receptive and reactive we are - is given to us from birth and depends on the reactivity of the sympathetic nervous system. The chemical composition of the blood is another factor that affects the sensitivity of the nervous system to the stimulation of aggression. Those who are intoxicated are much easier to provoke aggressive behavior. Aggression is also influenced by the male sex hormone testosterone.

Drive theories suggest that the source of aggression is primarily an externally induced urge, or urge, to harm others. The most widespread among the theories of this direction was the frustration-aggression theory proposed several decades ago by Dollard and his colleagues (Baron, Richardson, 1999). The existing frustration-aggression theory is intended to explain hostile, not instrumental, aggression. According to this theory, an individual who has experienced frustration (i.e., blocking goal-directed behavior) has an impulse to aggression. In some cases, the aggressive impulse meets some external obstacles or is suppressed by the fear of punishment. However, even in this case, the impulse remains and can lead to aggressive actions, although in this case they will be aimed not at the true frustrator, but at other objects in relation to which aggressive actions can be performed without hindrance and with impunity, i.e. in this case, displaced aggression will appear.

Cognitive models of aggression consider the processes (emotional and cognitive) that underlie this type of behavior. According to the theories of this direction, the nature of a person's understanding and interpretation of someone's actions, for example, as threatening or provocative, has a decisive influence on his feelings and behavior. In turn, the degree of emotional arousal or negative affectation experienced by a person affects the cognitive processes of assessing threatening danger. Each person has stable patterns for the implementation of aggression, that is, the principles of sorting. These are areas of value. To sort the environment, a person uses the I-concept: only with the help of the latter, a signal from the outside world causes a resonance of the so-called “strings of the soul”.

And the last theoretical direction considers aggression primarily as a social phenomenon, namely, as a form of behavior learned in the process of social learning. According to social learning theories, a deep understanding of aggression can only be achieved by assessing whether:

1. how the aggressive model of behavior was learned;

2. what factors provoke its manifestation;

3. what conditions contribute to the consolidation of this model.

Aggressive reactions are acquired and maintained through direct participation in situations of manifestation of aggression, as well as passive observation. If aggression is an instinct or impulse, this means that internal forces or external stimuli (for example, frustration) are pushing a person to appropriate behavior. Social learning theories, on the other hand, argue that aggression appears only in appropriate social conditions.

The whole variety of forms of aggressiveness can also be divided into heteroaggression (focused on others) and autoaggression (focused on oneself). In turn, both hetero- and auto-aggression are divided into direct and indirect forms. Direct heteroaggression is murder, rape, beating, etc.; indirect heteroaggression - threats, imitation of murder, insult, profanity, etc. The extreme manifestation of direct autoaggression is suicide. The category of indirect auto-aggression should include all psychosomatic diseases, adaptation diseases, all non-specific diseases of internal organs that have smooth muscles and autonomic innervation.

In turn, violence, as well as aggression:

It is first of all an action, not a desire to act;

Makes any changes to the structure of the application object beyond its will.

Violent actions always have an inner meaning, they are committed in order to achieve some goal, which is not always recognized by others and even by the rapist himself.

Thus, in some cases, when the purpose of violence was to cause harm, the concepts of "aggression" and "violence" are identical and their use as synonyms is legitimate.

As already mentioned, aggression and violence can be physical and psychological in nature.

It is believed that the main methods of psychological violence are most often:

Isolation (informational and even physical deprivation; deprivation of information or strict control over it);

Discredit (deprivation of the right to one's own understanding and opinion; ridicule and unconstructive criticism);

Monopolization of perception (forced fixation of attention on the aggressor, since he is the main source of threats);

Strengthening trivial requirements (many small rules that are impossible not to break; therefore, there are constant reasons for nitpicking, which causes chronic guilt);

Demonstration of the “omnipotence” of the rapist (in any case, the rapist tries to demonstrate and emphasize his supercompetence by comparing himself with the “clumsy” victim; moreover, both household and professional skills, and even physical strength are compared. The purpose of such comparisons is to inspire fear, a sense of failure as opposed to the "authority" of the rapist);

? "accidental indulgences" (the rapist sometimes rewards his victim with attention and warm feelings, but does this either rarely, or inappropriately, or in order to reinforce the behavior the aggressor needs, or in a paradoxical and unexpected way - so as to cause disorientation and stun);

Humiliation and mockery, ridicule in the presence of other people;

Control over the satisfaction of physical needs (for food, sleep, rest, etc.), which leads to physical exhaustion of the victim;

Constant threats with or without reason, easily turning into physical violence;

Use of psychoactive substances (such as alcohol);

Inconsistent and unpredictable requirements;

Frequent and unpredictable mood swings of the aggressor, in which the victim is "guilty";

Forced to do ridiculous and aimless work.

If we consider psychological violence more broadly, then it can also include various methods of psychological influence (influence): psychological coercion, attack, manipulation, and a number of others. These are actions that also fall into the category of "mind control strategies." The goal of "mind control strategies" is to manipulate the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of others in a given context over a period of time, resulting in a relatively greater benefit to the manipulater than to the affected. The changes that are made can precisely focus or act on a wide range of human relationships. They may appear suddenly or develop gradually, they may be evoked with or without the awareness of any manipulative or persuasive intent of the agent of influence, and they may result in temporary or permanent changes.

Although some types of mind control use what are called "exotic" techniques such as hypnosis, drugs, and harassing attacks directly on the brain, most forms of mind control are more mundane ( Schwitzgebel, Schwitzgebel, 1973; Varela, 1971; Weinstein, 1990). They rely on the use of fundamental human needs to achieve compliance or compliance with the desired rules and behavioral instructions of the agent of influence ( Deikman, 1990; Milgram, 1992). Although some agents of influence are "compliance professionals" working within an institutional setting, especially governmental, religious, military or business settings, many of them are also "intuitive persuaders" who regularly use the "poke method", a tactic of home means of achieving malleability for personal gain and control over others, often work colleagues, friends, and relatives ( Cialdini, 1993; Zimbardo, Leippe, 1991).

The mechanism of compliance (the compulsion of one person to comply with the demand of another) can be understood if one considers the propensity of people to automatic, stereotyped responses ( Ash, 1951; barker, 1984; Cialdini, 1993; franks, 1961; Zimbardo, 1972). Representatives of most social groups have "created" a set of qualities (or traits) that play the role of triggers in the process of compliance, that is, a set of specific pieces of information that usually "tell" a person that agreeing to a demand is most likely correct and beneficial. Each of these pieces of information can be used as a tool to influence people to agree to a demand.

In a classic work on the psychology of influence, R. Cialdini (Cialdini, 1999) considers several basic principles (rules) that are most often used as an instrument of influence.

The principle of reciprocity. In accordance with this rule, a person tries in a certain way to repay what another person has provided him. The reciprocity rule often forces people to conform to the demands of others. The essence of one of the favorite "profitable" tactics of a certain kind of "compliance professionals" is to give something to a person before asking him for a favor in return.

There is another way to force a person to make concessions using the reciprocity rule. Instead of being the first to render a favor that will lead to a return favor, the individual may initially make a concession that will push the opponent to return the concession.

The principle of commitment and consistency. Psychologists have long discovered that most people strive to be and appear consistent in their words, thoughts, and deeds. Three factors underlie this tendency to consistency. First, consistency in behavior is highly valued by society. Secondly, consistent behavior contributes to the solution of a variety of tasks in everyday life. Thirdly, consistency orientation creates opportunities for the formation of valuable stereotypes in the complex conditions of modern existence. Consistently adhering to previously made decisions, a person may not process all relevant information in standard situations; instead, he should simply remember the earlier decision and react accordingly.

The principle of social proof. According to the principle of social proof, people, in order to decide what to believe and how to act in a given situation, are guided by what other people believe and do in a similar situation. The tendency to imitate was found in both children and adults. This propensity manifests itself in a variety of actions, such as making a decision to buy something, donating money to charitable causes, and even releasing phobias. The principle of social proof can be applied to induce a person to comply with this or that requirement; while this person is told that many people (the more the better) agree or have agreed with this requirement.

The principle of social proof is most effective in the presence of two factors. One of them is insecurity. When people are in doubt, when the situation seems uncertain to them, they are more likely to pay attention to the actions of others and consider these actions to be correct. For example, when people are in doubt about the need to help someone, the actions of others influence their decision to help much more than in an obvious emergency. The second factor, in the presence of which the principle of social proof has the greatest influence, is similarity. People are more likely to follow the example of those who are similar to them.

The principle of favor. People prefer to agree with those individuals who are familiar and sympathetic to them. Knowing about this rule, "compliance professionals" usually try to look as attractive as possible.

The second factor influencing the attitude towards a person and the degree of compliance is similarity. People always like those people who are similar to them, and they are more willing to agree with the requirements of just such people, often unconsciously. It has also been observed that people who lavish praises evoke favor. Listening to compliments, including those spoken for selfish reasons, can lead to unpleasant consequences, as it makes people more accommodating.

Another factor that, as a rule, affects the attitude towards any person or object is a close acquaintance with him.

The principle of authority. The tendency to obey legitimate authorities is due to the centuries-old practice of instilling in members of society the idea that such obedience is right. In addition, people often find it convenient to obey the orders of true authorities, since they usually have a large store of knowledge, wisdom and strength. For these reasons, reverence for authorities may arise unconsciously. Obedience to authority is often presented to people as a rational way of making a decision.

The principle of scarcity. According to the principle of scarcity, people value more what is less available. This principle is often used to capitalize on compliance techniques such as quantity-limiting tactics or deadline-setting tactics, by which "compliance professionals" try to convince us that access to what they offer is severely limited.

The principle of scarcity has a powerful effect on people for two reasons. First, because things that are difficult to acquire tend to be more valuable, assessing the availability of an item or experience is often a rational way of assessing its quality. Second, when things become less accessible, we lose some of our freedom.

According to the theory of psychological reactance, people respond to the restriction of freedom by increasing the desire to have it (along with the goods and services associated with it) in full.

The principle of "instant" influence. In the conditions of modern life, the ability to quickly make the right decisions is of particular importance. Although all people prefer well-considered solutions, the variety of forms and the fast pace of modern life often prevent them from carefully analyzing all the pros and cons of the case. Increasingly, people are being forced to take a different approach to decision-making, an approach that is based on stereotypical behaviors, whereby the decision to give in (or agree, or believe, or buy) is made on the basis of a single, usually trustworthy, piece of information.

Below are definitions of various types of psychological influence (Dotsenko, 1996; Steiner, 1974; Jones, 1964; Sidorenko, 2004).

Argumentation- the statement and discussion of arguments in favor of a certain decision or position in order to form or change the interlocutor's attitude to this decision or position.

self-promotion- announcing your goals and presenting evidence of your competence and qualifications in order to be appreciated and thereby gain advantages in elections, when appointed to a position, etc.

Suggestion- conscious unreasoned impact on a person or a group of people, with the aim of changing their state, attitude to something and creating a predisposition to certain actions.

Infection- transfer of one's state or attitude to another person or group of people who somehow (not yet found an explanation) adopt this state or attitude. The state can be transmitted both involuntarily and arbitrarily, assimilated - also involuntarily or arbitrarily.

Awakening the impulse to imitate- the ability to cause the desire to be like oneself. This ability can be both involuntary manifested and arbitrarily used. The desire to imitate and imitation (copying someone else's behavior and way of thinking) can also be arbitrary and involuntary.

Favor formation- attracting the addressee's involuntary attention to himself by showing the initiator of his own originality and attractiveness, expressing favorable judgments about the addressee, imitating him or rendering him a service.

Request- an appeal to the addressee with an appeal to satisfy the needs or desires of the initiator of the impact.

Ignoring- deliberate inattention, absent-mindedness in relation to the partner, his statements and actions. Most often it is perceived as a sign of neglect and disrespect, but in some cases it acts as a tactful form of forgiveness for tactlessness or awkwardness made by a partner.

Attack- a sudden attack on someone else's psyche, committed with or without conscious intention and is a form of emotional stress discharge. Making disparaging or offensive judgments about a person's personality; rude aggressive condemnation, defamation or ridicule of his deeds and deeds; a reminder of the shameful or regrettable facts of his biography; peremptory imposition of their advice, etc.

A psychological attack carries many features of a physical attack, being its symbolic replacement.

An attack can be made:

With a specific purpose;

For a specific reason;

For a specific reason and with a specific purpose.

In the first case, we can talk about a targeted attack, in the second - about an impulsive attack, in the third - about an all-out attack. An attack operation can take three forms:

Destructive criticism;

Destructive statements;

destructive advice.

1. Destructive criticism- This:

Disparaging or offensive judgments about a person's personality;

Rough aggressive condemnation, defamation or ridicule of his deeds and deeds, people significant to him, social communities, ideas, values, works, material objects, etc.;

Rhetorical questions aimed at discovering and “correcting” shortcomings.

2. Destructive statements- This:

Mentions and reminders of objective facts of a biography that a person is not able to change and which he most often could not influence (national, social and racial origin; urban or rural origin; occupation of parents; illegal behavior of someone close; their alcoholism or drug addiction in the family, hereditary and chronic diseases, natural constitution, especially growth, facial features, myopia or other visual impairment, hearing, etc.);

3. Destructive advice- This:

Peremptory directions, commands and instructions not implied by partners' social or work relationships.

Compulsion- is the stimulation of a person to perform certain actions with the help of threats (overt or implied) or deprivation.

Coercion is possible only if the coercive person really has the ability to implement threats, that is, the authority to deprive the addressee of any benefits or to change the conditions of his life and work. Such possibilities can be called controlling. By forcing, the initiator threatens to use his controlling abilities in order to get the desired behavior from the addressee.

In the most brutal forms of coercion, threats of physical violence may be used. Subjectively, coercion is experienced as pressure: by the initiator - as their own pressure, by the addressee - as pressure on him from the initiator or "circumstances".

Forms of coercion:

Announcement of rigidly defined deadlines or ways of performing work without any explanation or justification;

Imposition of non-negotiable prohibitions and restrictions;

Fear of possible consequences;

The threat of punishment, in the most brutal forms - physical violence.

Coercion is a method of influence that is limited in the scope of its possible application, since the initiator of influence must have leverage of non-psychological pressure on the addressee.

One of the most common types of psychological influence is manipulation. Psychological manipulation is a type of psychological influence that leads to a hidden excitation in another person of intentions that do not coincide with his existing desires. Manipulation also usually means a hidden (or subconscious) psychological impact on the interlocutor in order to achieve beneficial behavior for the manipulator. That is, manipulation is a hidden coercion, programming of thoughts, intentions, feelings, attitudes, attitudes, behavior.

The Oxford Dictionary defines manipulation as “the act of influencing or controlling people or things with dexterity, especially with disparaging overtones, as covert control or processing” (Dotsenko, 2003).

The metaphor of psychological manipulation contains three important features:

The idea of ​​"picking up"

A prerequisite for maintaining the illusion of independence of decisions and actions of the addressee of the impact,

The skill of the manipulator in the implementation of methods of influence.

There are also five groups of features, each of which has a generalized criterion that claims to be included in the definition of manipulation:

1. generic trait - psychological impact;

2. the attitude of the manipulator to another as a means of achieving their own goals;

3. the desire to get a one-sided win;

4. the hidden nature of the impact (both the fact of the impact and its direction);

5. using (psychological) strength, playing on weaknesses. In addition, two more criteria turned out to be somewhat isolated:

6. motivation, motivational introduction;

7. skill and skill in the implementation of manipulative actions.

There are a number of clarifying definitions of manipulation.

Manipulation is a type of psychological influence in which the skill of a manipulator is used to covertly introduce goals, desires, intentions, relationships or attitudes into the psyche of the addressee that do not match those that the addressee has at the moment.

Manipulation is a psychological impact aimed at changing the direction of another person's activity, performed so skillfully that it goes unnoticed by him.

Manipulation is a psychological impact aimed at implicitly inducing another to perform certain actions by the manipulator.

Manipulation is a skillful inducement of another to achieve (pursue) an indirectly embedded goal by the manipulator.

The degree of success of manipulation largely depends on how wide the arsenal of means of psychological influence used by the manipulator and how flexible the manipulator is in their use. Usually, the means of manipulation are reduced to several groups (given in the order corresponding to the frequency of their mention):

1. information handling;

2. concealment of manipulative influence;

3. the degree and means of coercion, the use of force;

4. target exposure;

5. The theme of roboticity, machine-likeness of the addressee of the impact.

There are the following means by which the deployment of manipulative influence is carried out.

1. Determination of the impact vector based on subtasks. For example, diverting the attention of the addressee from a certain area, limiting attention to the required content, reducing the criticality of the addressee, increasing one's own rank in his eyes, introducing the required desire, intention, aspiration into the consciousness of the addressee, isolation from the influence of other people, control of other possible interference and etc.

2. Selection of the type of force (weapon of influence) to exert pressure. For example, seizing the initiative, introducing your topic, reducing the time to make a decision, bringing to a state (or choosing the moment) when the criticality of the addressee is reduced, advertising oneself or hinting at broad connections and opportunities, demonstrating (or imitation) one’s own qualifications, appealing to those present , the creation of a mythical majority, etc.

3. The search for a motive through which you can penetrate into the mental sphere, "get into the soul." It will not necessarily be the desire for success, money, fame or sexual satisfaction. Any significant motive can turn out to be the “strings of the soul”: worries due to short stature (fullness, illness, shoe size), pride that he is an intellectual in the fourth generation (eldest son, Don Cossack), hobby, curiosity, intolerance to some type of people, etc.

4. Gradual build-up of pressure along various lines (if required):

Density increase (a number of influences similar in content or form);

The totality of the impact - its diversity, variety of channels and targets of impact;

Constancy - perseverance, reaching to importunity;

Intensity - increasing the power of influence.

The most common consequences of any type of violence are:

Low self-esteem of the victim, extremely distorted self-concept;

Emotional maladaptation and disorientation (chronic guilt; "burnout" - inability to experience positive emotions; frequent depression; hypersensitivity; high anxiety; repressed need for love - they want warmth, but are afraid of close relationships; pessimism, a sense of a failed, "unhappy" life);

Intellectual dysfunctions (inflexibility, uncriticality, narrowness of thinking; low concentration of attention; poor memory, etc.; "mental blocks" in personally significant situations; sometimes up to derealization, when situations of violence are forced out - "this is all a dream");

Learned helplessness, inability to make independent decisions and responsible actions;

They are waiting for someone to solve their problems, push them to the right life choice and action, hence the lack of initiative of the victims of violence in work and personal life;

Diverse and extensive psychosomatic disorders. The consequences listed above lead to the constant reproduction of dependent relations "rapist - victim". The victim unconsciously looks for a “strong person” or becomes a rapist herself (identification with the aggressor); there may be mixed options. In mothers, the tendency to violence is often transferred to children.

author author unknown

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6.3 PHYSICAL ABUSE Physical abuse is a type of attitude towards a child when he is deliberately placed in a physically and psychothetically vulnerable position, when he is intentionally inflicted with bodily harm or does not prevent the possibility of inflicting it. Determine that the child

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6.4 SEXUAL ABUSE Sexual abuse against a child is one of the most severe psychological traumas in terms of its consequences. Unfortunately, in our country there are no reliable data on the prevalence of violence against children, since

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6.5 SCHOOL VIOLENCE School violence is a type of violence in which force is used between children or teachers against students, or - which is extremely rare in our culture - students against a teacher. School violence is classified into

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Types, forms and consequences of unemployment Like any complex social phenomenon, unemployment is divided into several types. Differentiation is made on the basis of several parameters: the time spent in the status of unemployed, the nature of unemployment and, most importantly,

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Part VI. Separate forms and types of psychotherapy

What is psychological abuse? This is pressure on a person, with the aim of humiliating him and morally destroying him. It is especially scary when this is practiced in the family. Who needs it and why, and most importantly - how to get rid of psychological violence, read below.

Definition

What is psychological abuse? This is a form of bullying where the tyrant lowers his victim's self-esteem on a daily basis, criticizes them and controls their every move. Most often, wives are subjected to psychological violence by their husbands, but it also happens vice versa. Men thus try to assert themselves and feel more masculine. Often physical and psychological abuse go hand in hand.

Kinds

• Imposing your own opinion. The tyrant tries to completely take over the soul of his victim. He inspires her with his own statements, and he does it so cleverly and veiled that it would never occur to anyone that a suggestion was made. In some ways, this type of psychological abuse is similar to hypnosis.
• Disregard for other people's opinions. This kind of psychological abuse can be seen as selfishness. The person does not want to help around the house, go to the store or to work. The tyrant sits on the shoulders of the victim and hangs his legs.
• Another type of psychological abuse is criticism. The eternal discontent of the tyrant may be unfounded. For example, a person can cling to the mess in the house, and immediately after the general cleaning.
• Blackmail. The tyrant tells the victim that if she does not fulfill his requirements, he will leave the family or use physical violence.
• The control. Surveillance and reporting requests are signs that you are living with a tyrant. No sane person will require you to tell you every minute of every day how your day went.

Over the children

Domestic psychological violence is very often committed by parents over children. And young creatures cannot even understand that something is going wrong. They have nothing to compare with. They sincerely think that in all families parents treat children badly, demand too much and constantly humiliate. Psychological abuse of children is most often practiced by weak and downtrodden parents. No one from the outside can even think that this person can belittle his child. Everyone wants to be loved and respected. And, if a person is underestimated at work, and he does not want to spoil relations with his soulmate, then anger will break out on the child.

Children may suffer psychological abuse from overactive parents. Adults can take their child to all circles, decide for the child what to do, where to go and in what, as well as what and where to say. And this seems normal when it comes to a 3-year-old kid, but if a 10-year-old teenager is in this situation, then we can safely say that something is going wrong.

over wife

Most often, men act as tyrants. They commit psychological abuse of children and wives. In what way does this manifest itself? The man is in control of the family. Neither a child nor a woman can leave the house without permission. If a wife can go somewhere, then only with her man. The victim has no personal property at all. The couple has shared social media accounts, and you can’t put a block on the phone. In such a situation, it is difficult to remain yourself, and the tyrant takes advantage of this. He inspires the victim with the idea that it is good and safe at home, and this is where you need to stay. In this way, any opinions can be instilled, and the victim will consider them his own.

A man can humiliate a woman, tell her that she is terrible, stupid, has no talents. In this way, the tyrant rises in his eyes, because his victim considers him smart and beautiful.

over husband

Psychological violence in the family practice, unfortunately, frequent. Women who cannot fulfill themselves try to increase their self-esteem at the expense of others. They marry henpecked men and play with them as they please. What is the manifestation of psychological violence against women? In reproaches and threats. A woman is always unhappy that her husband earns little, goes to visit friends or spends too much time in the garage. A wife can make scandals every day, break dishes and use various manipulations.

Why do men in this case do not leave the family? The tyrant can inspire her victim that all women are the same, and she is an angel in the flesh. And the man is to blame for all the scandals, because he is bad, inattentive and uncaring. A man can sincerely believe in this and even feel remorse, and completely unjustified.

over parents

Psychological violence in the family can also come from children. Any child is good at manipulation. Some parents may recognize them, while others may not. If the child is late and very desirable, the mother can dote on him and fulfill any of his requirements. And sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. Parents have to spend the last money on buying an expensive toy, otherwise the child will throw a scandal, refuse to eat, or deliberately bring deuces. Teenagers often manipulate their parents by telling them that if their desires are not met, they can commit suicide or leave home.

Psychological abuse of children is sometimes very cruel. If a child is spoiled, then he will grow up an egoist who will not, in general, reckon with his parents. For example, he will take a pension from his elderly parents and spend it on entertainment, going to a club, and even on drugs.

How to recognize psychological abuse at an early stage

It is difficult at first glance to understand a tyrant person or not. Starting a romance, people can fall in love and put on rose-colored glasses. Any sins of your soulmate will be forgiven. Total control will be perceived as care. Psychological abuse of a lover begins only after the wedding. Tyrants believe that the stamp in the passport allows them to perform any action with their victim.

How not to fall into the hands of a villain? You must always be accountable for the actions of others. If a person does not give you free space, this should be the first wake-up call. If criticism comes to you too often, and sometimes it is inadequate, this should also be a signal to escape. It should be understood that people do not change after marriage. You can get to know a person closer only by living with him for a while. Therefore, do not rush things. As they say: trust, but verify.

If in the early stages of a relationship a person requires you to choose between him and your friends, this should tell you something. Normal people will not limit the freedom of communication. If a person justifies his unwillingness to communicate with your friends by saying that they are stupid and there is nothing to talk with them, then it is worth parting with a tyrant, and not close people who love and support you.

You should not build a relationship with someone who is selfish and arrogant. Make sure that your soulmate knows how to do noble deeds and does not expect rewards and other honors for them.

How to appease an offender

The victim of psychological abuse should not play by the rules set by the tyrant. If your husband criticizes you, do not take his words for granted. You should think about whether he is right, and ask the man to argue his position. You need to be able to distinguish real criticism from the desire to lower someone else's self-esteem.

If your lover is trying to control you, you need to loosen the iron grip. You should explain to her that you should have personal space, and there is nothing wrong with spending time apart.

If baseless scandals occur daily in the family, you need to find a reason for them. Do not eliminate the consequence. Perhaps your soulmate wants to hint at something, but veils his true goal too much. Try to ask directly what she or he needs, and if the desire is adequate, then it is worth fulfilling it.

It's hard to live with someone who doesn't care. But people get married by mutual agreement. Therefore, if feelings have cooled down and your significant other ignores you, you need to bring more romance into the relationship. You should spend more time together and find a common hobby. Any relationship is based on positive memories. If there are not very many of them, then it's time to create them. Take up active sports. It could be something as ordinary as skiing or something less trivial like horseback riding. Tourism is another way to build relationships. After all, going on a hike, people are forced to spend a lot of time together. Moreover, in extreme situations, we have to support each other both physically and mentally. For example, you can kayak down the river, or just go fishing with friends for a week.

How to help a person who is being attacked

The victim of violence, first of all, must understand herself in what situation she is. If your friend lives with a tyrant, but does not suspect it, you should open her eyes. It must be said that not all men belittle their beloved. After all, why are families created? So that people can enjoy each other's company, and not be afraid to go home. It is not curtains or expensive furniture that create comfort in the apartment. A good atmosphere is maintained by love.

A woman who is afraid of her husband should know that it is not at all shameful to ask for help. Psychological abuse is dangerous, because it can drive a person crazy or lead him to suicide. A woman who is in a difficult situation is to blame herself. If a man morally presses her, then she allows him to do this. Divorce is not the best option. First you need to change yourself, and only then demand a good attitude from others. After all, tyrants choose weak-minded individuals as victims. You have to be strong and confident. Yes, the tyrant will resist in this situation, but after all, one's own destiny is at stake, and one should live in pleasure. Don't be afraid of what people will say about you.

If a man is in a difficult situation with psychological abuse, his friends need to help him. It is necessary to raise a person's self-esteem, perhaps offer him to undergo psychological leadership training. Women love strong men. Most likely, the wife will even be only glad when her husband takes the burden of responsibility into his own hands and definitely takes off his iron gloves.

What to do as a preventive measure

There are different types of psychological violence, and accordingly, the same counteraction should not be applied to them. Still, it's better not to solve problems rather than create them. How to make sure that a loved one does not become a tyrant? You should always leave a free space in people's lives. Do not be afraid that someone better than you can take it. Such a thought does not occur to a person with high self-esteem. If a person wants to cheat on you, then he will find a way, even if you follow him. To prevent this, you should keep the romance in the relationship. Give flowers, arrange romantic dinners, spend time together, go to the movies and go to the skating rink. There are many ways to bring excitement to a relationship without resorting to jealousy and infidelity.

So that a person does not try to assert himself at your expense, keep his self-esteem always at a high level. Not only girls love compliments, remember that. Men also want to know that they are wonderful and that their significant other loves them no matter what. You should respect the friends of your chosen one, because these are his close people. And, even if you don't like them, try to reconcile with them. In no case should you insult the parents of a loved one. After all, relatives are a support and support, it is worth understanding this.

And most importantly, what many people forget is that one should talk. Do not accumulate resentment, because otherwise they will be able to break out with any slight disagreement. Solve problems as they come. If you don't like something about your chosen one, feel free to let us know. A person does not always see his shortcomings, so an opinion from the outside will only benefit.

Or maybe leave?

Victims of psychological abuse often ask this question, but they cannot decide to take a responsible step. As mentioned above, and for good reason. After all, as you know, you can’t run away from yourself. Understand that people treat you the way you let them. A person with low self-esteem may cry into a pillow over a difficult fate, but will do absolutely nothing to alleviate his plight. It’s worth considering, perhaps you were pushed around before marriage. Or maybe the problem comes from childhood? It often happens that a girl in whose family the father was a tyrant believes that all men behave the same way. In this case, she will simply force her chosen one to command her and belittle her dignity. You should be well aware of your feelings and understand where they come from. If something does not suit you, change, no one will definitely condemn you.

Of course, there are situations when the victim is not to blame for anything, and she is tyrannized for nothing. In this case, it is simply necessary to leave. Why endure bullying? Yes, the tyrant will not want to part with you simply. He will sing songs that he will definitely change, only he needs to be given the 150th chance. Remember, people don't change unless they have a good reason to. So leave with your head held high and don't look back.

But what if the tyrant does not want to stop communicating even after parting? He can call, come to your parents and cry to them. Don't believe. Time changes people, but not in a month, and sometimes even a year is not enough. You can offer friendship to the tyrant, but nothing more. Value yourself, your time and your life.

“... You can, of course, go for broke, wait for a meeting and ask: why do you skip uncomfortable questions? In such cases, moral rapists have other tricks. Gaslighting for example. ... "

Moral violence is an even more subtle topic than physical violence. The partner does not drink, does not raise his hand to you, but deprives you of the will psychologically.
With the recognition of physical violence, modern people are more or less clear. Thanks to the educational work of psychologists, it is no longer a secret that violence is not necessarily sexual coercion or beatings. Keep a person at home when he wants to leave or, on the contrary, not let him in when he wants to go home; to take away keys, phone, documents or money to make it difficult for him to move - all this is also physical violence. Shouting or hitting a wall/table to break your will during an outbreak of conflict is physical violence, even if no one (yet) has even touched you. An abusive partner intuitively argues very simply: rough physical actions in your presence, in front of your eyes, frighten you and paralyze your will.

But what about moral violence? There is no noise, no destruction. No punches, no slaps. No broken things, no other people's letters read without permission. How to recognize him? Let's look at the types of psychological abuse.

1. Instant switching to the cold. Let's start with the harmless. Hearing that you don't want to visit his parents again this weekend, your partner silently draws a face. The look was covered with frost, lips in a thread. He says OK. But his voice! It's like he just wrote you a ticket. Clearly, guests cannot be canceled (you guessed it).

2. Partial ignoring. Filter questions according to your goals. If you cut a pancake cake, then it is striped on the cut. It also looks like "on the cut" communication with a moral abuser. Some answers are successful, others are not.

How about Friday? I missed.
- Yes darling!
- And who is Masha Hibiscus, does she flirt with you on Facebook?

He does not answer.

Honey, what do you want for dinner?
- Bake, please, my favorite sea bass with lemon and rosemary.
- Listen, why do you talk on the phone from the bathroom in the evenings, turning on the shower? Do you have someone?

He does not answer.

You can, of course, go for broke, wait for the meeting and ask: why do you skip uncomfortable questions? In such cases, moral rapists have other tricks.

3. A closer look without comment. This is when he is Boa constrictor Kaa, and you ... you yourself understand who.

- Dear, we could reschedule a trip out of town, I absolutely need to get to this conference for work.

In response, he looks at you without looking up.

Did I ask something wrong?

Without blinking, he continues to pierce the bridge of your nose with his eyes.

You got scared, and your question disappeared somewhere. Then, when you ask: “Are you not happy that I refused that conference, because you were so against it ...”, he will say with a chuckle: “I was against it? Stop blaming me for your own mistakes." And he will be right. He didn't say he was against it. He just looked between your eyes. By the way, try to squeal that he somehow looked wrong. He will say: “Did I watch? I stood with my back to you and mixed Cointreau with a martini. Perhaps you drank too much that evening? And it's already called...

4. Gaslighting. The 1948 detective film "Gas Light" about how a young wife became a hostage to her husband's criminal goals. He made her look crazy in the eyes of her relatives, and most importantly, made her doubt her own sanity. Gaslighting refers to the intentional "madness" of another person. The gaslighter deliberately asserts and even "proves" that the victim's psyche is flawed and cannot be relied upon. And the victim believes. Your friend does small things (like lying a little all the time) or even some big things (spending the general money on his personal climbing equipment, blackmailing you into having an abortion, or sleeping with your girlfriend). And then he says one of the phrases: “What is wrong with you?”, “Are you in a bad mood?”, “It’s not true, we agreed”, “You yourself wanted this”, “Oh, are you starting again?”, “I don’t meant it”, “You misunderstood me”, “It never happened”. In romantic relationships, gaslighters use the universal property of falling in love - regression. Are you in love and feel like a little child? So nice to submit to a wise and charismatic friend? Let him do as he sees fit, to dissolve in it - a pleasure? If your man is strong and mature, he will thank you for your trust and will only love you more. If you are dealing with a moral abuser, waking up from love, you will find yourself in a relationship where you decide nothing and where everything is against you if you do not agree with it. And to the question "why is everything so?" He will say: "You yourself wanted this." And he will be right.

5. Blackmail, shame or guilt and seduction. Your friend reports that because of a missed visit to the family nest, mom has a bad heart, dad tore his meniscus while running to the pharmacy, and he is now so upset that he doubts the prospects of your relationship. (as usual, he looks down the bridge of your nose). In this example, the whole “package” is visible: the manipulation of guilt, an attempt to shame / scare you, blackmail by breaking up a relationship. If you come to your senses and immediately promise everything that you refused yesterday, he will immediately become nice and make amends with affection, sex or a walk in your favorite park.

6. Ignoring, disappearing for the purpose of punishment. The once-famous pediatrician Benjamin Spock did not recommend going in at night to a crying baby so that he would “understand” that good babies sleep at night, and do not cry. At the same time, another doctor, John Bowlby, with numbers in his hands, proved that the baby, again and again experiencing the inability to call on his mother, plunges into "anaclitic depression", from which he can even die despite complete care. We also experience a weak solution of infantile horror-despair when a dear person disappears “from the radar” without any comments. Moral abusers intuitively use this tool to intimidate their partners: “Nice girls don’t ask their lover uncomfortable questions about flirting and phone calls from the bathroom. Twitch, sort out our quarrel on the personnel. Find the mistake, guess where you were wrong. And the day after tomorrow, perhaps, I will forgive you.”

7. In fact, he is the victim. Remember that Sunday when you didn't want to go to visit, and he heavily hinted that he would leave you? If one day you risk outplaying him and immediately react with blackmail for blackmail, you will be amazed at the enchanting metamorphosis. Say: “Dear, I get so upset when they put pressure on me that I don’t even know what the prospects for our relationship are ...” - here you need to look at him for a long time between the eyebrows. I know a story when yesterday's moral rapist cried for two weeks without a break and littered all the messengers of his girlfriend with pleas to forgive him. It turned out he was unaware of her discomfort. When blackmail stops working, and seduction is inappropriate, he presses on pity. You soften and everything starts again.

The semantic core of any violence is the object manipulation of another person. Even wrapped in politeness, seduction or cunning, violence betrays itself according to the main feature - in a relationship you are an object, not a subject, not a person, not a person with his own feelings and will. And they treat you like an object: they manipulate you functionally, sorting through different techniques, looking for master keys. If you are malleable, use soft tricks. If soft ones are not effective, use pressure.

Very often, a partner prone to psychological violence alternates aggression with seduction. As soon as you stop bending, he becomes charming and in a deep velvety voice asks you for reconciliation. And gives a ticket for a musical or a tour to Bali. You relax, and after a couple of days he again scolds you, drills his eyes and punishes you with silence. Against moral rapists there is only one remedy, but it is enough. You need to know exactly what you want (or do not want) and be able to say it out loud.

If we analyze the motives of people who marry, then the main need of family life is a sense of security, which almost every person needs. But, alas, the feeling of security is not always absolutely guaranteed for us, moreover, often the partner is not very ready to provide us with security or does not know how to do it. And in some cases, it can act out its own scenarios in which the safety of a partner is not a value.

By security, we mean not only its physical aspect, but also its psychological one. Often psychological violence is almost invisible and looks like a desire to “improve” a partner, “do him good”, give him his own understanding of what is “right” and what is “wrong” in his life. At the same time, both men and women can use psychological violence both in relation to each other and in relation to children. It is important to be able to recognize it at an early stage.

Depreciation

Everything depreciates: the contribution to the family (“you don’t earn”, “you sit at home”, “the soup is too salty”), the personality of the partner (“you don’t develop”), appearance (“you are fat”). A partner or child is constantly criticized, they are constantly pointed out to their shortcomings and miscalculations, often it looks like ridicule in front of other people, where the goal is to provoke feelings of guilt and shame, which develop into inferiority complexes. Often it is very difficult for a person to recover from such a relationship, both faith in partnership and faith in oneself are lost.

The control

Typically, the partner or parent has very tight control over what they do, who they hang out with, where they go, and how their partner or child dresses. He insists that he is always consulted about even the smallest decisions, he controls finances, telephone conversations, social networks, contacts, hobbies. In case of disobedience to his will, he tries to punish by strengthening all forms of restrictions and suppressing the will with strict prohibitions, often accompanied by blackmail or tantrums.

Gaslighting

One of the most brutal and unbearable forms of psychological abuse lies behind such an elegant word. A person who uses gaslighting denies their partner or child adequateness: “it seemed to you”, “it didn’t happen”, “you just don’t understand it”. Events, feelings, emotions are often denied. A person who has undergone gaslighting feels as if they are going crazy. Victims of sexual assault are often gaslighted, when the perpetrator constantly suggests to the victim that she does not understand something, or even denies the fact of violence. The same can be done by close people who do not believe the victim, accusing her of strange fantasies and refusing to believe in what is happening.

Ignoring

Emotional withdrawal is very difficult for children, since the significance of attachment to an adult for them is key to the emergence of basic trust in the world as a whole. The child feels that if the most important and significant person does not give a damn about his feelings, emotions and deeds, then strangers will definitely not need him. Ignorance often leads to suicidal thoughts and other radical forms of self-attention. Adults also find it difficult to cope with the constant ignorance of their needs and feelings, which causes feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

Insulation

Isolation differs from ignoring in that it is not the rapist himself who distances himself from the partner, but forces him to exclude relatives and friends from his life, everyone except him. Thus, the rapist closes all the communications of the partner or child. Deprived of support, and as a rule, the victim is prohibited from any communication with relatives, the rapist makes the victim completely emotionally dependent on himself. Friends and colleagues are also excluded from communication, which leads to the loss of even a theoretical opportunity to ask someone for help.

Blackmail and intimidation

The tasks of these forms of psychological violence are to deprive the victim of his own will, his own opinion, completely subordinate him to his desires and way of life. Often, in these forms of violence, a person is presented with material of an intimate nature, which is used as compromising evidence: “if you behave badly, I’ll tell you that you wet the bed”, “if you don’t do what I want, I’ll show everyone your nude photos.” Feelings of shame and embarrassment cause the victim to abandon their own plans for the sake of the desires of the rapist.

What to do

Whatever the form of psychological abuse, it is important to know that coping with abuse while in a relationship with an abuser is very difficult. Therefore, it is very important to first get out of the situation of violence, and then deal with the partner. To get out is literally to get away from the rapist, to run away or even disappear from his field of vision. After all, if you are nearby, then the rapist will find ways to influence you, as he always did. It is very difficult for children in this situation if their own parents practice psychological violence. Often they intuitively leave home in an attempt to resist violence.

As a prevention of psychological abuse, it is important to develop in yourself and in your children two, in my opinion, the most necessary skills: the ability to think critically and the ability to trust your feelings.

Critical thinking will help to recognize psychological violence in time, during which a huge amount of distortion of facts and events often occurs.

Trusting your feelings helps you understand that what is happening is really violence, if at the moment when the rapist is next to you, you feel bad. It is important to be able to name your feelings, to have close people who can hear you and reflect on your feelings, perhaps it will be a professional psychologist.

And remember: asking for help is not a shame, rather, it is an important component of the instinct of self-preservation - the basic human instinct.

Ekaterina Goltzberg

Violence doesn't always hurt us physically, and bodily harm isn't always the worst kind of violence. Psychological abuse leads to psychological trauma, and she, to undermined self-confidence. As a result, society receives an inferior link, and you (that is, a link) are deprived of a full-fledged social life.

The consequence of psychological abuse can be stress, fear, post-traumatic disorder, and maybe physical abuse (usually one gives rise to another). In any case, remember: people who are psychological abusers, in almost 100% of cases, have themselves once suffered from the emotional blows of others. These can be unhealed childhood grievances, teenage complexes that are sensitively guarded, and then lead to revenge, violence, mockery, and even disasters. In the biography of every dictator (if you search well), you can find the moment when an absolutely normal person harbored the deepest resentment, promising himself to grow up "powerful and strong" in order to take revenge on those who offended him.

Types of psychological abuse

Emotional abuse always manifests itself in different ways, individually. But if we collect all the cases together and draw conclusions, we get the following classification of types of psychological violence:

• humiliation - condemn, criticize, ridicule, tease;
• dominance - treat the victim like a child, remind that such behavior is unacceptable, control spending, remind you of mistakes too often;
• make demands - the victim is not addressed by name, but using nicknames, the rapist blames the victim for his mistakes and failures;
• ignoring - use the boycott as punishment;
• codependence - the victim becomes a "vest".

The most terrible type of psychological and emotional abuse is glazing. This term means that doubts about their own sanity are sown in the head of the victim. When the rapist is offending and you are offended, he says that you are too sensitive. If a person repeats the same thing over and over again, he will really doubt the adequacy of his perception. The main signs of glazing:

Most often, signs of psychological violence are clearly visible in married couples, in boss-subordinate relationships, among friends (a friend is a “vest”), and also on a large scale in “power and people”.

The most difficult thing is to cope with psychological violence at home when it comes to a person dear to you. The last thing you need to resort to is, and the most favorable option is in a conversation, “showdowns”, to focus not on how someone ruins your life, but on how you (you personally) want to improve your relationship.