Intimate area in human contact. Practical psychology: a person's personal space

It turns out that in addition to what and how you say, there are certain rules that establish the distance at which you should be from the interlocutor. And even one extra step can spoil his attitude towards you.

Probably, you have noticed more than once that sometimes you don’t like it when some acquaintances, unfamiliar or generally unfamiliar people come too close to you during the conversation. Why is this happening? After all, this does not always happen and not with everyone.

Do you want to know what's the matter? It's about personal space. There is such a thing, it denotes a small but free space around each person, which he needs in order to feel free, calm and comfortable.

The invasion of this space by another person is not always accompanied by unpleasant sensations. It depends on how you are located to this person, and on what kind of relationship you have with him.

Personal space, of course, is not an untouchable zone; it is often violated by other people.

Psychologists have done research and determined the boundaries of this space. Now you will know about them.

So, first border passes at a distance of half a meter from you, into this space without any unpleasant sensations for yourself you allow the closest people.

For example, a mother, or a girlfriend, or a boy you are dating.

next border laid at a distance of 120 cm, this space can be freely violated by your friends, people with whom you are very good.

third frontier lies at a distance of up to 3 m. As a rule, unfamiliar or completely unfamiliar people fall into its limits, for example, addressing you on the street.

And finally next border, the latter, is located somewhere far away, and within its limits falls, for example, an audience in which the teacher, sitting at his desk, explains the topic of the lesson.

Now you understand that a person whom you do not consider your close friend and who approaches you closer than half a meter (this is where your personal space begins, which you need like air), causes you not the most pleasant sensations. You want to move away from him and not let him get closer than arm's length, right?

The same happens with all people, so you should also be aware of the boundaries, when, for example, there is a desire to come closer to an interesting but still unfamiliar interlocutor. It is better to wait a little with the embodiment of your desire into reality.

In addition, not all nationalities have the same situation with personal space. As a rule, people who grew up in northern countries need more personal space than people who grew up in countries with warmer and milder climates.

Therefore, in the first case, your completely harmless approach to a person by more than a meter will cause him a feeling of protest, and in the second, vice versa. If you, listening to the interlocutor, will stand further from him than 1 m, then he will simply be offended, considering you ignorant and proud.

For example, people like the Italians are very sociable and often resort to various signs of attention - patting, stroking, kissing on the cheek and other ways of expressing feelings.

Communicating with them is a pleasure, of course, for a person of the same temperament and upbringing.

But the Japanese are the exact opposite. They do not even respect such a familiar gesture for a European person as a handshake at a meeting and parting.

The Japanese are perhaps the most zealous guards of their personal space. They very clearly keep their distance and do not look into the eyes of the interlocutor when talking, this is not customary for them.

In general, it seems that Eastern people are secretive and therefore behave this way.

But, besides the concept of “personal space”, there is also such as “personal territory”, which means your desk or a shelf with books that belong only to you (not to mention your bed).

Agree that you have not the most pleasant feelings for a person who, without permission and even for no apparent reason, suddenly opens your desk drawer or takes a book from your shelf. Such acts remain unpunished only for very close people.

There is a certain etiquette, the rules of which are aimed at avoiding such situations. In principle, these rules are very simple, now we will introduce you to them.

Rule one says:"Never approach strangers." At least, as we said, closer than arm's length. You never know how a person can react.

Suddenly he will not like your intrusion into his personal space so much that he will put forward a hand that you stumble upon (completely by accident, of course). Or, for example, he is so frightened by surprise that he can easily have a heart attack, and then instead of finding out how to get to the library, you risk spending the rest of the day trying to bring him to his senses.

Rule two:"Think about who you're approaching." If you decide to tell something important to your best friend, then you have every reason to approach her very close and bend over to her ear.

But in no case do not make such a gesture in communication with the principal of the school, a friend of your older sister or a young computer science teacher.

You risk being misunderstood: the director can reprimand you for non-observance of subordination (violation of the boundaries of communication and age, as well as social status); the older sister can easily make you a scene of jealousy and take away her player, which she generously gave you the other day.

And your classmates (most of whom are in love with the handsome teacher) can give you a real boycott or worse.

Therefore, in the above cases, you should behave a little differently. If you really have something to say to the director, sister's friend or teacher, then it would be more appropriate to ask him to step aside with you, where you can calmly and without extra ears explain the essence of the request.

Rule three: Approximation is a science. Yes, and this science must be constantly studied. And regularly improve in it, that is, change your behavior only as you get to know a new person for you.

If you are getting to know someone, then the most reasonable thing for you is to stay away from him during the conversation at first. But gradually you can gradually approach him (unless, of course, you want it, in other words, if you like a new acquaintance), with each new meeting, reducing the distance between you.

Look, do not overdo it, because here you need the talent of a strategist. You need to know exactly how many steps you can get closer to him today, and how many next week.

But you need to do this with the most innocent look, otherwise you just run the risk of being considered the most ill-bred child of all living today.

Here, perhaps, is the whole small list of rules that you need to know regarding approach etiquette.

However, as you understand, life is much more interesting and diverse than any rules. Therefore, the rules (and in this case too) are just a base that will help you cope with any situation. And finally.

Imagine that not the most pleasant person for you is approaching you with manic persistence. How are you behaving?

1. Slowly but surely you retreat until you stumble with your back against an insurmountable obstacle.

2. You put your outstretched hands forward, but do not move from the spot until the object finally buries them, and then you clearly and calmly say: “Beware, further is the danger zone!”

3. You mumble something like: "Sorry, but I'm in a hurry ..." and run away "on very urgent matters."

4. You frankly declare that you can't stand it when people approach you closer than at arm's length, and then you find out what they wanted from you.

Choose what you like, but remember that no one canceled politeness. And, of course, apply the basic rules of courtesy.

1. Do not approach a stranger or unfamiliar person closer than at arm's length - thus you will not violate his personal space.

2. It is also undesirable to approach a friend, but an adult is too close.

For a child - a favorite swing, for an adult - a certain bench in the park or, for example, a table in a cafe ... Each of us has a favorite, long-chosen place. And it becomes uncomfortable when someone else suddenly takes it. Around a person there is a certain shell that has several levels. It is called his personal space.

This topic is very curious and often touched upon by psychologists. After all, having such knowledge, it will be easy for you to win over a person to yourself, learn how to create comfortable communication without violating the boundaries of personal space.

There are 4 zones of space:

Intimate zone (from 15 to 46 centimeters) This is the main zone of space, its man guards his territory like a lion. And it reacts violently and negatively to attempts to penetrate its borders. Only the closest people (relatives, spouse, children, friends) with whom a person is in close emotional contact are allowed to cross them. There is also a small subzone (15 cm) that can only be penetrated through physical contact. It's called the super-intimate zone.

Personal zone (46 centimeters to 1.2 meters) The distance that can be observed at parties, receptions, friendly evenings. They also try to preserve this space by communicating with co-workers and acquaintances.

Social zone (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters) A person keeps this distance with unfamiliar people whom he sees not for the first time, but has no relationship with them, in addition to work or other joint activities. For example, a new employee at work.

Public area (more than 3.6 meters) Comfortable distance in a group of people, at meetings for work, study. If it is violated by strangers, it gives the impression of a lack of space. Arguing on the topic of personal space, it is wrong to forget that a person tends to "mark" his territory. On the example of animals, we saw how our smaller brothers defend their land, female, family. But this is their personal space, which they subconsciously appropriated and will not allow others to take away from them. It's exactly the same with people.

Watch your loved ones. You will notice that, for example, the father likes to sit in the same armchair in the evenings, the child plays in a certain place in the room, and it is unpleasant for you if someone drinks from your cup at the table, although it has neither a signature nor name. These little things show that a person has his own space, for which he is ready to fight.

The situation is similar with physical intimacy. For a man and a woman, if they are close to each other, this is normal. But between unfamiliar and unfamiliar people in close contact (for example, in the subway or elevator during a crush), embarrassment is felt. Women sometimes react indignantly to the touch of unfamiliar men. Therefore, it is important to know what kind of relationship you are with a person and how close you can be to him. Understanding the principle of personal space, you can build relationships in a team, avoid misunderstandings, or vice versa, letting a person come closer, show that you care about him.

Take care of yourself and your space, and remember that you always have the right to it!

If you don't know what to talk about on a first date with a man, don't panic. There is nothing surprising in the fact that people, experiencing excitement at a meeting, are lost and feel uncomfortable because of the pauses that arise.

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Most likely, each person has at least one acquaintance who, in order for you to hear him better, grabs his hands. Sometimes neighbors make tea in your mug. This can be annoying, as they affect personal space. Probably, each person tries to protect his personal space from others (of course, except for relatives).

Many people do not like the invasion of personal space due to the fact that personal space is an area controlled only by us and no one else. In this space, a person feels absolutely protected from any intrusions from the outside. Often, many perceive personal space even as part of themselves. It is because of this that many do not like violations of the boundaries of the personal zone.

Even under the concept of "personal space" many mean the distance to which a person is ready to let the interlocutor. The fairly well-known anthropologist Edward Hall was able to identify intersubjective zones. There are only four of them, here they are:

1. intimate zone - up to about 50 cm;
2. personal zone - up to about 1.5 m;
3. social zone - up to about 4 m;
4. public - a little more than 7 m.

Intimate zone, personal space

A person lets only the people closest to him, personifying his personal space, into the intimate zone. In the personal zone, those people who are not close, but whom we trust, are usually allowed. Many mark this zone as a zone for best friends, as well as acquaintances. In the next zone, social, a person talks to strangers. The very last zone, the public zone, is the zone between the audience and the speaker. Well, everything that is outside the last zone, people perceive as something that has nothing to do with them.

That is why many do not use public transport and also do not like queues. This, of course, is largely due to the fact that we feel physical discomfort, but it can also be due to the fact that the personal zone is violated. There are many people in public transport whom a person would probably not even let into his social zone.

Of course, these figures are not always correct, because a lot depends on where the person lives and whether he is an extrovert or an introvert. The peoples of the south have a little less personal space than the peoples of the north. What among the southern peoples is a simple manifestation of friendliness, among the northern peoples is a direct violation of personal space. Also, a lot depends on the individual, because an extrovert does not protect his personal quality as much as an introvert.

But the personal zone is not considered only as a space for communication, because these are also those things that we consider our own and no one else's. But a chair at work can also be a personal space (although it is not officially yours). Also, an apartment is included in the personal space, even if a person lives in it with his family.

Information personal space

personal space each person also is that information or those emotions that a person does not dare to share with others, sometimes even with loved ones (as, for example, some teenagers).

Any person is obliged to correctly evaluate the personal space of other people, because what may seem normal, ordinary to you, may seem too emotional to some, thereby causing a negative reaction. Here's an example for you: a person, out of habit, kisses him on the cheek when meeting with his acquaintances, but for some this may seem like a violation of personal space.

Often, newlyweds face the problem of violation of personal space, because they have everything in common: friends, dishes, territory, and wardrobes. Many people like it at first, but then it becomes seriously annoying. It is because of this that each person should have their own corner in the apartment, for example, their own office or just a desktop. It is also mandatory that every person, at least for half an hour, should be alone - relax, read a book. Of course, you also need to have mutual friends, but still, personal space should be your own.

You can not violate the personal zone of other people, as it gives a person a sense of security, and also allows you to avoid stress.

Each person has the boundaries of his personal space, which is sometimes allowed to be violated only by close people. It is limited to the intimate zone of communication.

The choice of space between yourself and the interlocutor is not an easy task. In order for the conversation to develop successfully and the interlocutors to understand each other, the distance between them should not be too large or too small.

If a loved one enters the intimate zone, then we perceive him kindly, we can touch him or hug him. Intrusion into the intimate zone of an unfamiliar person causes a negative reaction, the body perceives a stranger as dangerous. In response to the invasion of an unfamiliar or completely unfamiliar person into the intimate zone and our personal space, the body is preparing to repel the attack and adrenaline is released into the blood. As a result, the heart accelerates its rhythm, blood rushes to the brain and skeletal muscles, so that you can run or fight.

The space between communicating people is divided into:

1) intimate zone of communication. It develops when the distance between communicating people does not exceed 0.5 m. Close people, friends, relatives can communicate at this distance. Communication in this zone usually takes place in a quiet voice, it is most often distinguished by warmth and sincerity;

2) interpersonal zone of communication. The distance between the interlocutors in the personal communication zone is in the range from 0.5 to 1.2 m. In this zone, communication usually takes place between well-known people, between colleagues on vacation;

3) social communication zone. In this zone, the distance between the interlocutors is within 1-3.7 m. Colleagues, friends or unfamiliar people can communicate in this zone. Communication can develop both benevolently and conflictingly;

4) public communication area. In a public area, the distance between speaking people is more than 3.7 m. At this distance, you can say hello, and then move closer to each other or even further away. In this zone, there are usually strangers who have gathered in the same room.