Spanish shame is what they call a feeling. Spanish shame: the origin of the expression, psychology

According to the dictionary, Spanish shame is the feeling of embarrassment for another person who is being stupid or taunting. Despite the fact that the term is not familiar to everyone, almost everyone has directly encountered the situation itself. It is enough just to imagine how a famous actor or singer does something stupid, after which the cheeks of the viewer / fan begin to turn pink on their own. It is almost impossible to control this, which, in turn, gives rise to irritability, even anger, and, of course, self-doubt. The article tells about where this concept came from, as well as why the Spanish shame is so called and how dangerous it is for the psyche of a particular person.

Origin and meaning

First of all, it should be noted that this term has no geographic reference, just a feeling of embarrassment for another is called Spanish shame. Why is that? The fact is that the word itself was invented just in Spain, perhaps because of the emotionality and openness of this people, who knows. Something else is more important. They coined the term vergüenza ajena. The phrase passed into English, but in its original form. For some simplification, it was replaced by a simpler option - spanish shame. The Russian version is a direct translation of the borrowed phrase, it does not indicate where the term first appeared. Moreover, the Spaniards feel embarrassed for others as often as other people, there is no pattern here, read more about this in this article.

Physiology and psychology

What does spanish shame mean? In fact, this is a manifestation of two direct associative links - psychological and physiological. Seeing how a certain person behaves stupidly, the individual subconsciously transfers his behavior matrix to his own, and then compares. If he has a feeling of embarrassment for such an "example", therefore, he had already felt something similar before, but already in relation to himself, and now he simply recalls those emotions. At least, such a reaction occurs physiologically. That is, a certain action entailed redness, dilated pupils, sweating, inconsistency earlier. If you see something similar again, but from the outside, the body of the individual will again feel like it. There is a correlation between the psychological image and the physiological consequences.

Internal complexes

One of the main reasons that can provoke the manifestation of Spanish shame is the inhibition of the individual and his own complexes. Most likely, he forbids himself quite a lot, for example, to look stupid in public, drink alcohol, dress provocatively, or behave liberatedly. In this case, there is a failure between the real behavior of another person and the psychosomatic matrix of the individual. Having created and imagined an "ideal image", a person cannot come to terms with the fact that someone simply does not need him, after which a feeling of embarrassment for another member of society manifests itself. In this case, you need to fight not with injustice in the world, represented by emancipation, but with your own complexes. Politeness and restraint are fine, but they must be a conscious choice and not an escape from one's own self.

Transferring the image of another person to yourself

Quite a dangerous problem, which is fraught with serious consequences. The very fact that an individual takes an example from someone is not terrible. Much more dangerous is the direct substitution of one's "I" by someone else's. This leads to the manifestation of emotions, actions, behavior unusual for a person. As a result, Spanish shame acts as an indicator of independence. A sane person will not feel embarrassed for another, because he is completely sure that the behavior shown is unusual for him. The transfer of someone else's way of thinking to your "I" is extremely dangerous, because it can develop into a full-fledged split personality, which is already a serious psychological disorder.

Hyperresponsibility and other people's problems

Another problem that Spanish shame can be an indicator of is the hyper-responsibility of the individual. He subconsciously feels the need to worry, to take responsibility for other people. It is quite possible that this is dictated by an inferiority complex or the fear of being unnecessary in society. In addition, other problems may be the root cause. It is much more important that this kind of disorder can result in full-fledged domestic tyranny if a person has a family. Ultimately, Spanish shame will lead to the fact that the individual will try intentionally, and later forcibly, to change, remake, crush the behavior of the one who caused embarrassment. Such actions can cause a quarrel.

Why is it dangerous to compare yourself to others?

A healthy adult mind always "understands" that each person is individual and does not try to evaluate the behavior of another individual from the standpoint of their own value system. Such behavior is characteristic of a tolerant, correct, civilized society in which everyone has the right to self-expression and self-determination. If a man or woman feels embarrassed for another, for example, a member of a social group similar to theirs, then there is a suppression of individuality and standardization of the generation. This is dangerous because too strong a discrepancy between the imposed moral and ethical values and the behavior of another individual can lead to psychological trauma. The subsequent revision of one's own priorities and values is sometimes very cruel in relation to the model of human life. Feeling ashamed of others makes you change.

Have you ever felt shame at the ridiculous antics of other people, even complete strangers? They do stupid things, but you are ashamed ... Was it like that? We inform you - you experienced Spanish shame!

The Meaning of Spanish Shame

Feelings of shame often appear before people who will condemn for statements or actions. This feeling appears and is reinforced by the presence in human society of generally accepted moral norms and a number of rules of conduct. But sometimes we are ashamed not only for ourselves. And we blush not for our immoral behavior, but for the behavior of other people.

For example, for the bad behavior of a rude child, or when people expose their charms on the beach, and you are ashamed of them.

The reasons for such an unpleasant feeling can be your internal moral principles, concepts, which are, of course, based on upbringing. Experiencing Spanish shame, you seem to be striving to take responsibility for someone. The first thing you will experience is embarrassment. It signals that what is happening is not normal and is not within the bounds of decency.

So, the feeling of embarrassment for a stranger is called Spanish shame. Let's try to find out why they say so and where the expression came from.

Why shame is Spanish and where did the expression come from

In Russian, the expression "Spanish shame" appeared after 2000. There are several options for the origin of the expression.

First option:

Why Spanish? "Spanish shame" came from England, and is translated as spanish shame. And in English, this expression came from Spanish. In the original, it is pronounced as verguenza ajena, which roughly translates as "shame for another." The expression "Spanish shame" is not a psychological or scientific definition - rather, it is a colloquial designation for feelings of embarrassment and felt shame for the actions of other people.

Second option:

Another interpretation of the origin of the term, in which Spain is not related to this phraseological unit at all, and the expression was originally pronounced in Hebrew, where "ispa" is translated as "aspen".

In the famous apocryphal version, Judas, who betrayed Jesus, hanged himself from an aspen tree. The tree felt ashamed of the choice, although it was not his fault. But folk legends say that the tree is punished, and ancient legends connect the trembling of aspen branches with the curse of the Lord imposed for making a cross from it for the crucifixion of Jesus. Therefore, the expression "Spanish shame" is not a scientific formulation of a person's mental state, it is a stable phrase or phraseological unit.

What the psychologist says

Phraseologism "Spanish shame" is explained by the appearance of a painful emotion arising from the understanding of stupidity in people's behavior, which is not on a par with the concepts of decency and moral standards.

Psychologist Elliot Aronson wrote in his book that "we often compare ourselves with the people around us, and this, in turn, increases our self-esteem."

Watching a person who behaves immorally, we are satisfied with the humiliation of the poor fellow, amusing ourselves that we would never be in his place.

What conclusions can be drawn? It is worth fearing individuals with an absent sense of conscience and with poor education. Normal behavior must be instilled in the process of socialization and upbringing of the child, so as not to face undesirable consequences in the end.

Decency, politeness and tact must be laid from a young age. But embarrassment is an indicator that something has gone wrong. We divert our eyes to thereby support someone who is in a difficult situation. Such sympathy is a wonderful impulse of the soul that makes us better. Therefore, you need to understand that Spanish shame is not a bad trait in describing a person.

Why are you ashamed of others?

Psychologists name several reasons for Spanish shame:

Willingness to take responsibility for the actions of others. When someone violates your ideas about moral norms and generally established standards of behavior and morality, you feel your involvement and responsibility for this - as if you could correct the situation, but did nothing for this.
Comparing yourself to others. If a person like you gets into an awkward position, then you also tend to experience shame: he is the same as me, therefore I also look no better, and the advice torments you too! For example, at a corporate party, a not quite sober employee danced a striptease, and you felt shame - all because you are from the same work team.
High level of empathy. The stronger your level of love for people, the more you will experience shame, and the more you want to protect a person from shame. This is an unsubstantiated claim - scientists from the University of Lübeck in Germany have established and proved the connection between the level of empathy and the feeling of shame for others.
Bad memories. It happens that an absurd situation in which another person has become a participant “brings” in your memory a similar situation that happened to you earlier. And under the influence of the returned memories of ridiculous mistakes or inconvenient moments of the past, you feel awkward about the behavior of others today.
perfectionism. The desire to constantly be, do and speak right - in other words, a neurosis that pushes you to demand the same from others. Everything around should correspond to your ideas about the ideal, or you become ashamed of other people's shortcomings.

How to avoid shame for others?

It is not always possible to get away from a situation where you may become ashamed of the behavior or words of other people. You can never guess when and what the people around you will do. We must not move away from this, but change our attitude and try to get rid of our complexes. Precisely so, and not otherwise, because in most cases you are uncomfortable for others, not because they are doing the wrong thing, but because you have psychological problems.

If the reason for your feeling of shame is empathy, then you can leave everything as it is - ashamed, but you can’t do anything! But if you are used to taking responsibility for others and you are driven by a sense of guilt, then you already need to work on yourself.

In addition, it is desirable to change the attitude towards oneself and towards people and learn to distinguish the boundaries between oneself and other people - after all, all people are different. Chopping popcorn in cinemas, fighting in bars, carrying nonsense from the screens, drunk colleagues dancing striptease, rude car drivers and other individuals around you - this is not you! For them, this may be the norm! And they are not ashamed at all! Why then do you feel Spanish shame for them? Do you need it?

Runet claims that the expression "Spanish shame" came into Russian as a translation from English of the phrase Spanish shame, and that, in turn, is a translation of the Spanish vergüenza ajena, "shame for another." In itself, this feeling is not new, and geographical affiliation does not affect the ability to experience it. However, the Spaniards were the first to come up with a separate name for this state.

However, what is more interesting is not where the concept came from, but what makes you blush painfully, watching the mistakes of strangers. And, by the way, “blushing for others” is by no means a figurative expression.

Doctor, what's wrong with me?

“Shame comes to life not only in the psyche, but also in the body,” explains psychologist Arina Lipkina. - Once upon a time, we ourselves could find ourselves in an unpleasant situation, and now this "revival" makes us hide from ourselves: stop watching the movie, turn away, leave the room, go to the other side of the street. Not to be, not to be present, not to see.

We automatically consider a person who finds himself in an awkward situation guilty of violating the rules, public or private.

We have projected what is happening on ourselves and now we are trying to suppress these memories. Ultimately, we are ashamed of our own shame, which each of us has experienced.”

Why do we generally feel shame and embarrassment for the actions of another? Psychologist Nadezhda Pylaeva believes that this happens if we:

1. We forbid a lot to ourselves- in particular, to look awkward or stupid. The power of the internal prohibition is so great that we avoid even looking at what is happening. It is also a sign that we do not accept ourselves - such as we are, with all the shortcomings.

We acquire these internal prohibitions and attitudes throughout our lives. Yes, and shame itself is not an innate emotion: we “learn” to be ashamed at the age of three to seven years, thus reacting to censure from others. Gradually, from a reaction to specific external events, shame can turn into a familiar internal state.

2. Tend to take responsibility for the actions of others: we feel our involvement and believe that we can somehow influence the situation. We automatically consider a person who finds himself in an awkward situation “guilty” of violating the rules, public or unspoken.

“Shame, guilt and embarrassment belong to the triad of sociomoral emotions,” explains psychotherapist Alena Prikhidko. “They arise when our moral standards are affected and moral rules are violated.”

Watching the “shame” of the participants, some experience excruciating embarrassment, others scoff

3. Feel the fear of rejection. Even in ancient times, expulsion from the tribe was the most terrible punishment, and we still experience horror at the thought that society can reject another (and possibly ourselves) for ridiculous or inappropriate actions.

4. We identify ourselves with another, consider ourselves part of the same group as the person doing the "wrong" things. And it's already us who are not good enough, and not this strange, awkward, awkward hero on the screen (or a stranger met in real life).

“Shame and pride for another arise not only when this person belongs to the same small group as we do: a family, a school class, a department at work,” explains Alena Prikhidko, “but also when we both belong to the same large social a group whose membership is meaningful to us. For example, one psychologist may experience shame for another psychologist he does not know, with whom he is united by belonging to a professional community.

Expressing emotions out loud, we seem to say to others: “I would never do this, I am not like them.”

Close to heart

Becoming witnesses to the public mistakes of others, we all experience different degrees of discomfort. It turns out that the reason for this is a different level of empathy: the higher it is, the more likely we are to blush for others, even strangers.

“This is proved by the results of a study conducted by employees of the University of Lübeck (Germany), - explains Nadezhda Pylaeva. - It turns out that the feeling of shame for others and empathy are closely related. Our tendency to empathize with others is the reason why we want to protect a person who finds himself in an awkward situation from shame.

This is most evident when watching comedy and reality shows: watching the “shame” of the participants, some experience excruciating awkwardness, others scoff (other people's humiliation serves as fuel for their self-esteem).

Bridget and me

For the purposes of the experiment, I force myself to revise Bridget Jones's Diary - a fragment where the heroine comes to a party dressed as a Playboy Bunny. Everything converges: both identification (we are both women of about the same age, social status and even the same profession), and the fear of being ridiculed and rejected (one of the most common nightmares: I find myself naked in a public place), and a fairly high level of empathy.

The feeling of shame most often arises in the face of the public, which condemns for what they have done or said. This feeling originates and is fueled by the presence in society of a generally accepted moral code and set of rules. But are we always ashamed only of ourselves?

Kind of shame

Usually you have to blush for your behavior. But an interesting fact is that the feeling of shame comes also for what you did not do. For example, for the bad behavior of your child or when a stranger kisses a girl in public transport, and you are ashamed of them. The reasons for this discomfort may be your internal taboo for such manners or the desire to take responsibility for someone.

The first signal that will inform about this is embarrassment. He says that the ongoing event goes beyond convention. And the feeling of embarrassment for a stranger is called Spanish shame. We will talk about it further.

The history of the expression

In Russian, the expression "Spanish shame" appeared after 2000, it came to us from English, where it sounds like spanish shame. And the progenitor of phraseology was the Spanish term verguenza ajena, which, just, had the meaning of "shame for another." True, there is another interpretation of the origin of the term, in which Spain is out of work, since it supposedly came to us from Hebrew, where "ispa" is translated as "aspen".

In the popular apocryphal version, Judas, who betrayed Christ, hanged himself from an aspen. The tree was ashamed of the choice, although it is not guilty of this. But, according to popular belief, the tree is punished, because ancient myths connect the trembling of its branches with God's curse imposed for making a cross from it for the crucifixion of Christ.

Thus, one must understand that "Spanish shame" is not a scientific formulation of a psychological state, but an established judgment, namely a meme.

semantic meaning

We have dealt with the history of the origin of phraseological units. Now we will decipher the semantic load of the expression. "Spanish shame" means that one feels embarrassed for the wrong actions of other persons. Psychologists assure that a feeling of shame for others arises when a person recognizes himself as part of a people doing unseemly acts.

At the same time, the criteria for belonging can be varied: gender, age, position, external similarity. But if this general touches you, you will feel uncomfortable. So the different attitude to one event of different people becomes obvious. For example, at a banquet, an unknown person got drunk and dances on the table - you may be embarrassed or funny. If it was your girlfriend, then you will surely experience a feeling of shame.

The manifestation of tact

The expression "Spanish shame" is due to the appearance of a painful emotion that arose due to the realization of the absurdity of the behavior of fellow citizens, which offends the concepts of decency and modesty. Psychologist Elliot Aronson wrote in his book that we often compare ourselves with the people around us, and this, in turn, increases our self-esteem. Looking at a person doing something stupid, we are satisfied with the humiliation of the poor fellow, mentally saying that we would never find ourselves in the role of a loser.

I don't want to believe that we have fun watching others suffer, humiliate themselves. Meanwhile, television ratings and the number of video views on the Internet prove this hypothesis. If in life the mistake of others does not always bring pleasure to its witnesses, then when in the movie an actor falls face down into a cake, this causes genuine laughter from many viewers. During the survey, it was revealed that the laughing subject experiences internal embarrassment, but it is accompanied by consolation that someone is even worse off than him.

What conclusions can be drawn?

Not only but also a society of self-sufficient and harmonious persons. It is worth fearing individuals with an atrophied sense of conscience. Decency must be regulated in the process of socialization and upbringing of the child in order to avoid negative consequences. Decency is a positive symptom of the essence, if it is expressed in moderation. Embarrassment serves as a marker that something is wrong. We avert our eyes in order to “save face” of someone who is in a difficult situation - this is empathy of emotional sympathy, an excellent spiritual impulse that makes us better. So, it should be understood that Spanish shame is a positive trait in characterizing a person.

Spanish shame is a feeling of embarrassment or shame for other people. For example, grown-up children are often ashamed of their parents. Someone is ashamed of a friend who is behaving humiliatingly or vilely. Any number of examples. Another example of shame for another, it is as if the hero of the film did something unaesthetic and stupid, but you are ashamed of him. Have you seen the recent trick of the actor Panin in videos on the Internet? The actor publicly masturbated. This caused a feeling of embarrassment and burning shame for him, thoughts about why he does this in front of everyone, and this is also called "Spanish shame." So Spanish shame is an acute sense of embarrassment for the actions of another. That feeling when you are painfully embarrassed to see someone doing something shameful, low, stupid. Sensitive people because of "Spanish shame" cannot watch reality shows: they are shudderingly ashamed of the characters and want to exclaim: "Oh no! Not that!". We can also "ashamed in Spanish" for politicians who behave inadequately in life and are not aware of their shame. You may be ashamed of a colleague who made an amateurish and incompetent speech at a professional forum in the presence of high-ranking professionals. You may be ashamed if in your presence people behave primitively and unworthily, underestimate other people who notice and understand their baseness.
"Spanish shame" has the same roots and is akin to the very concept of shame. What is shame?

Shame is a negatively colored feeling, a feeling of awkwardness, the object of which is any act, word, speech or quality of the subject. This concept is rooted in Biblical stories. Did Eve experience shame after the fall? Undoubtedly.
Shame is associated with a sense of social unacceptability of what one is ashamed of. That is, shame is always looking back and measuring with what people will think?
For the emergence of a sense of shame, real or alleged witnesses of what one is ashamed of are needed - those in front of whom one is ashamed. In the absence of witnesses, a feeling of shame does not arise, but a feeling of guilt can arise. And if there are plenty of witnesses to one's fall, then the feeling of shame can be flooding and burning. The feeling of shame in front of "Significant Others", in front of those whom you respect, love and who is authority for you, is especially aggravated. Shame is a purely personal feeling, you can even say intimate, in private, in thoughts. It is not possible to be ashamed of everything together, collectively, even when there is something to be ashamed of. And further. Shame and morality, shame and morality are closely related. "Something immoral" - very often causes shame in a person with the fundamentals of morality and universal values instilled from childhood.
According to a number of anthropologists who study shame and its manifestations, shame is of greater importance in collectivist cultures (Japan, China, Brazil, Greece, Iran, Russia, South Korea). Whereas in the cultures of the West, based on individualism, shame has been replaced by guilt, but not completely ousted. The significance of shame in collectivist cultures, among other things, is a consequence of the fact that in these cultures social norms are shared by almost everyone and must be followed.
The most reliable concepts of shame are given by ancient philosophers. According to Plato, shame is “the fear of bad news”, a similar definition of shame is found in Aristotle.
Spinoza in his Ethics says:
“Shame is displeasure, accompanied by the idea of some of our action, behavior, deed, which others seem to condemn. We need to pay attention to the difference that exists between shame and modesty. Shame is displeasure following an act of which we are ashamed; modesty is fear or fear of shame, which prevents a person from admitting something shameful. Shamelessness is usually opposed to shamelessness, which in fact does not constitute an affect; but their names show more their use of words than their nature.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, shame is “a painful emotion arising from the realization of something dishonorable, ridiculous or indecent in one’s own behavior or circumstances of life (or the same in the behavior or life of others, whose honor or shame a person considers as his own). ) or as a result of getting into a situation that offends the individual's own modesty or decency.
The sense of shame is also of great importance in sociological research. From the point of view of society, two phenomena attract attention mainly - marriage with its various forms and crime. Just as in the field of mental deviation from the norm the richest research material is provided, so in the field of social research of crimes and criminals in which the sense of shame is blunted, it can be interesting for a sociologist not only in a theoretical sense.
When considering the concept of shame, Spanish shame, it is important not to confuse these phrases with such concepts as:
Shyness avoiding what might be shameful
Feelings of guilt - pangs of conscience
Shyness - indecision, timidity, awkwardness
Humility - the ability to keep oneself within the limits
@ Irena Tarno (Written based on wikipedia and the internet)