How you can find yourself - the secrets of a successful search. How to find yourself in life: a strategy for the strong

Each of us has our own innate desires, which are necessarily provided with talents and abilities, that is, properties for implementation. The problem is that we are not aware of them. It turns out that I “want and can”, but I don’t know what exactly I want. What exactly can I do.

Do you want to know how to find yourself in life? How to realize yourself? The answer is simple: you need to get to know yourself. You don't know yourself at all!

Ask someone, the first person you meet, let him tell about himself. The maximum that you will hear is the facts from the biography.

And what can you tell about yourself? Who are you? How are you different from others? What do you want? What do you know about how to find your place in life?

We don't know anything about ourselves. Nothing! We live our lives by touch. Someone was lucky to find their way and take their place in the human hostel, working with pleasure, getting excellent results and recognition of society. And someone in 50 years continues to look for himself. True, the older you are, the sadder and more hopeless your search looks.

Fortunately, scientific progress does not stand still. New discoveries in psychology eliminate the need to search for oneself by the method of scientific poke, to try oneself in different specialties, changing jobs one after another. After all, you can spend your whole life searching for yourself and your path!

You can find yourself in incredibly short lines, getting to know your real self, realizing what your unconscious is hiding. So, the path to self-realization - where to start?

In this article you will learn:

How to believe in yourself and your abilities.

How to find your calling, to clearly understand what it means to find yourself, your abilities and talents, the realization of which will bring real satisfaction.;

How to recognize false goals and abandon them.

How to determine your place in society.

Why exactly are you trying to find your place in life, while others are not. Why can't you live like everyone else and be content with little.

So, how to find yourself in this life?

The modern world is filled with opportunities, goals and desires ... of other people. We live in the midst of this abundance and draw our guidelines from there. Someone makes great films, someone creates beautiful clothes, someone develops programs, and someone plays the guitar beautifully. And you think: I would like that too! How to find yourself in all this?

Someone nearby wants something so badly that you start wanting it too, not realizing that this is not your desire. And even if you spend years of your life on this goal, you will inevitably be disappointed with the result. Because nature is perfect - with birth we receive all the necessary inclinations for what we need, everything for self-realization. Would like to know where to start!

In the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, these sets of desires and properties are called vectors. It is the set of vectors and their state that determines the prism through which a person sees and feels life, as well as his desires, opportunities and ways of realization.

Absolute understanding of the whole depth of one's mental nature, awareness of the causes of one's states, desires, needs - this is self-knowledge.

How to find yourself an emotional person?

For example, if a person has a special, sensitive vision that distinguishes more colors and shades, a good artistic taste, and his keyword is “beautiful”, this means that he has. His life is filled with emotions - he is sensual, funny, kind, shy, and his eyes are wet.

If you have a visual vector, you can find yourself in intellectual and creative professions. Culture and art, design, photography, fashion - the viewer will feel good where he can enjoy beauty, create it, expressing emotions, experiencing emotions, conveying emotions to others. Emotions for him - this is life.

All the kindest and most beautiful created by people, we get from the audience, who realize to the maximum what nature has given them.

Now imagine a spectator who works as an accountant, marketer or salesperson. How to realize yourself here? Where is the emotion? Where is the beauty? Unrealized emotions rush out in the form of hysterical breakdowns, from which loved ones suffer, or he constantly falls in love with someone.

What if nothing is interesting? How to find yourself in a profession?

There are eight vectors, and every modern person has several of them. In different circumstances of life, we can apply our different abilities, properties and talents. , for example, endows a person with a rational mind and pragmatism, dexterity and an entrepreneurial streak. The anal vector allows you to become a professional in any industry, gaining experience and knowledge in your field.

But there is one vector that makes its owner not like everyone else.

It is this vector that makes you think more than others how to find yourself in life. This is - . It is thanks to him that you think about things that mean nothing to others. For example, about the meaning of life, the cosmos, some energies, about the state of an altered consciousness, about self-knowledge.

If you have a sound vector - it is the most important in your mental. His desires are very voluminous, and if they are not realized, your condition becomes difficult. You become isolated in yourself, and the desires of other vectors are, as it were, blocked. Other people become uninteresting, stupid, annoying.

And then, whatever you do in life, you feel that it is not yours. Life turns into a search for yourself and your path. Everything is empty, uninteresting, painful, everything is not worth doing. Working as an executive assistant, for example, you hate your leather boss and secretly despise his commercial streak. Office life, with its hustle and bustle, seems unbearably disgusting.

How can you be so down to earth? Surely your dream job is a remote job. Close at home and be alone with yourself - your constant desire. But there is no realization in this, there is no filling of the innate desire for sound - knowledge of oneself.

How to find your calling if you are not like everyone else?

Realization in the life of a sound engineer is always associated with cognition. Inanimate nature: the laws of physics and mathematics, the development of which gave the world incredible IT technologies and the Internet. Plant and wildlife: scientists have developed food technologies unique in the history of mankind, and medicine has reached the highest level. Of human nature: it is sound people who strive for psychotherapy and psychiatry, trying to unravel the secrets of the human soul and protect themselves from their native fear - to go crazy.

How to find yourself in a profession? The range of professions in which a sound engineer can take place is quite wide: these are programming, exact sciences, foreign languages, writing, music, psychology, psychotherapy, and there are others.

The names of realized sound engineers, whose lives are a vivid example of the great value they brought to society, are Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, Steve Jobs, Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein.

But it is not at all necessary to be born a genius in order to succeed and be happy, because everyone is born with their own volume of desire, which must be realized. And this will be quite enough to feel for sure - life is a success.

Incredible changes occur when you fill the fundamental desires of sound to know yourself, humanity, the meaning of everything that exists, the cause-and-effect relationships of what is happening around you in particular and in the world as a whole. When you get to know not only yourself, but also learn to focus on people and understand each person as yourself. And the boss with a commercial streak, and superficial colleagues in the office, even the most notorious gossip lovers. Yes, as myself - completely without irritation and condemnation.

This is possible, and they tell about how to find their place in life in their results, who have been trained in Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

What happens after that?

All your desires are freed from the oppression of the sound vector, and your whole being literally explodes from interest in life and desires - the most unexpected and different. Suddenly, a new reality will arise in front of you - multifaceted and filled with meaning. And you will no longer wonder what it means to find yourself, because you will find both yourself and a new reality.

Well, after getting to know yourself and applying yourself will be very easy. See for yourself - do not miss the free online introductory lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register in form below.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

A mature person sometimes lives for decades without thinking about his destiny. Having in their hands the tools to solve the question of how to find themselves in life, they often give in to the first difficult situation. They are driven by fear of a new stage of self-development - and the one who learns to overcome it can consider himself a truly successful person.

What does it mean to find yourself in life?

The desire to change the existing state of affairs does not arise from scratch. It is always associated with the desire to go beyond the bored psychological barrier - age, professional or family. Signs that it's time to learn how to find your path in life can include:

craving for a change of place of residence or specialty;
growing dissatisfaction with one's own appearance, wealth or former environment;
chronic fatigue;
irritability;
decrease in creativity.

How to find yourself in life - psychology

There is no person who does not know in the depths of his soul the answer to the question of how to find himself in life. Children, with their inherent spontaneity, share with all the dreams of the future, because they are not afraid of the reaction. Adults try to hide their real desires away from prying eyes, because they do not have the courage to follow them and find themselves. He is frightened by his own negative experience and the fear of not living up to his expectations. For example, the success of a businessman depends entirely on whether he is ready to take risks and how much. Many profitable ideas were not destined to be realized just because of this fear.

How to find purpose in life?

While the meaning of life is presented as an abstract collective category, including a mixture of expectations on the work and love fronts, the goal becomes a real guide to concrete achievement. For a number of reasons, setting a goal in life is more profitable than trying to know its essence:

It is feasible in the near future. Ways to find yourself in life represent a hierarchy of human values, most of which he is unlikely to achieve. The goal has little in common with reasoning about the meaning of being: it is aimed at realizing the intended prospects;
It organizes a person's life. Desiring to achieve wealth, power or love, a person mobilizes all his mental and physical abilities. She becomes self-confident, productive and resourceful;
She changes her character for the better. The appearance of a goal turns a person into an optimist, ready to deal with difficulties. The very planning of future success is a trait that testifies to the leader's temperament.

How to find your path in life?

Character is laid down in childhood: its development continues under the influence of many factors - family and social. The level of wealth, the moral values of parents and friends, and the experience gained play a role in weakening or highlighting some traits. When all these factors come together, we can talk about human nature. Within its framework, a life path is born, since it is impossible to limit the expectations and fantasies of a person from the outside.

The secret of how to find yourself in this life through choosing a path lies in the following tips:

Rejection of the fear of experimenting with a change of profession. The greater the number of specialties familiar to a person, the more precisely he knows which of them can be considered a vocation;
Control over emotions. A person capable of self-control can understand and feel his needs;
Training the ability to live in harmony with the inner "I". You need to choose your path, listening to sincere desires, and not imposed ideas about the ideal future.

How to find your spiritual path?

The development of the soul is fundamentally different from the desire for material achievements. It is difficult for a person with mundane dreams to understand that anything else can bring pleasure, except for high earnings. The spiritual path is the key to the dilemma of how to find the meaning of life, giving moral satisfaction and peace. Comprehension of the highest destiny of the soul is based on certain rules:

awareness of the unity of all world religions in the values they declare;
respect for traditions;
rejection of excessive desires that deprive a sense of satisfaction;
maintaining contact with the divine principle and faith in it.

How to find your place in life?

Long thoughts about what it means to find your place in life, both losers and successful businessmen are tormented. Place can mean a country or a specific city, job title, marital status, or level of popularity. Psychologists advise sounding the alarm if it does not remind of itself periodically. The constant search for the truth and the path eliminates the doubts, prejudices and alien attitudes instilled by manipulators. Employees who are inclined to constantly seek and discover new things are appreciated by any bosses for the generation of new ideas.

How to find yourself in life - Orthodoxy

Orthodox Christians are looking for the key to reflection in the search for the meaning of existence and their own path in religion. She suggests that every believer is created to be a person who can decide how to find his way. God reserves for him the right to make a conscious choice, carried out in conjunction with responsibility for it. Knowing the positive and negative consequences of any step forces you to think before making an important decision in order to ultimately achieve success, not collapse.

Orthodoxy also tells about the duties of a Christian on the path of faith, as part of the knowledge that reveals the secrets of self-knowledge. He can choose any profession and hobby, except those that are considered sinful. A person who has already set foot on the path of sin, but who has repented in time, can receive redemption by flatly renouncing blasphemous goals. Each believer must constantly strive for spiritual development, increase of talents, seek himself, simultaneously getting rid of fear. A mentor, a wise clergyman with experience and knowledge of the Bible, can help in this difficult matter.

How to find yourself in life - books

The best way for self-determination on the path of life remains the work of psychologists and philosophers. Even in fiction there are answers to questions related to how to find yourself in life. Some books help to set goals correctly for those who cannot choose life guidelines on their own. Success is trained by reading A.S. Griboedova, A.S. Pushkin, Paolo Coelho, Jerome Salinger. Their books touch upon the issues of good and evil, the value of every breath and the truth of dreams for someone who is ready for anything to find their life path and go through it with dignity.

Leadership books deserve special attention: they tell how to find yourself in life from the position of high personal motivation and maximum career advancement. In relation to them, there is a prejudice associated with an abundance of charlatanism in the field of business coaching. And without attending trainings, a good book will tell you everything about finding a purpose in life, high earnings and choosing the right profession.

These include:

"Be the best version of yourself"- a book by Dan Waldschmidt, who went from suicidal thoughts to the pinnacle of success, becoming a strong personality.
"What will you choose?"- a book by Harvard teacher Tal Ben-Shahar will help you make the right choice and get rid of fear of yourself.
"Important Years"- Mag Jay's book on why you shouldn't put everything off until later.
"Rice Storm" by Michael Mikalko. A book about the most interesting ways of thinking outside the box, leading to success.
"From urgent to important" Steve McCletchy. A book for those who are tired of running from themselves and want to find their spiritual path.

People often search for themselves in this world, throwing from side to side does not lead to anything definite. Maybe we should stop and look at everything from the outside, with the naked eye, just like when you look at the sun, rejoicing in its warmth and bright light.

Where to look for a way out?

I want to change my life, but all the time you come across the same rake. It turns out that a person leads himself into a dead end, and then looks for a way out, rushes about from this state of detachment and tries to put everything in its place.

Maybe it's just worth stopping, discarding everything and starting from scratch. How to start and where to stop? What can be done when a person has lived a certain period of his life in the hope of global changes tomorrow?

The only way out can be to do what you love, it's never too late to find your destiny. In search of your destiny, turn to yourself, only inside you can find the answer to all the questions posed.

Stop fussing and decide

It is necessary to stop all throwing movements and begin to comprehend everything that happens. Depression, according to scientists, is a defense mechanism, but if you fall into complete detachment, this will not lead to anything good.

To close oneself and indulge in expectations, such an approach will also not lead a person to solving those things that excite the mind and do not allow you to live in peace.

To wait for something and to believe that tomorrow a way out will be given, but whether there will be such an opportunity, it will not appear because it will simply wave. It is easy only when there is a certain goal.

Need a goal

Make it a rule and work through everything that does not suit and suits you in life. Look through all the topical moments that were erroneous, as well as all the circumstances missed and unnoticed. All the moments that could be used.

It may be necessary to some extent to stop listening to the advice of others. We must become more constant and not jump from one thought to another. Learning to program yourself for success is the most significant thing. If a person has a definite goal, then he has taken an important step in order to change not only himself, but his entire space.

You should learn exactly how to create thought forms, so people can change their world and life. Everything around can be transformed only if you set a predetermined goal in front of you. If a person does not have a definition, then there is no way to change something.

Inner world

The most hidden corners of spiritual consonance are closed under seven seals. It is necessary to discover these locks only then a person will be able to understand a lot. Awareness here and now gives you the opportunity to change your life and achieve the desired results. You just need to stop thinking only in a negative way, and then life will become more fulfilling and truthful.

Having cleansed himself of erroneous beliefs, a person is filled with strength, and the goal set gives as much confidence as possible. Everything that interfered begins to flake off and the path of the walker is filled with meaning, which leads a person to success and rebirth.

Write your own chronology of life. Write down all your important goals in life that you have already achieved and that you are only striving for. On the other hand, write down all the events in your life that have already happened and that have affected you in some way. When life hits us with its problems and failures, it forms a system of values and forces us to change our thinking. But what’s even better is that it makes us “us.” All these things on your lists are really "you", not just a reflection of society.

This is not a dive into your life. All this is necessary for clarification and definition of problems. These problems may keep you from discovering your true potential and keep you from feeling in your prime.
Take some time and clearly describe your past in chronology. Chronology is a surprisingly objective method for marking events in your past that you consider significant. Look at them as the building blocks that make up your entire life experience, don't bring too much emotion into them (much like you would if you kept a diary). Write simply, write truthfully, and focus on the main impact of the event or the lesson learned from it.
When you analyze your past negative experience, look at the positive lesson you learned from it, do not focus on mistakes and failures. After all, you have learned something from all this. Everyone has such segments in life, you should not exaggerate them, or vice versa, consider that they did not happen at all. Instead, accept and realize that if these events had not happened, you would not be where you are today.

Separate your own thoughts from the thoughts of others. For most people (there are many more than you might think), life goes on auto-pilot quite simply; we practically follow the map of life, as we used to consider it. We go to school, the first job, marriage, cares here and there and boom - we hope you enjoyed your life. All this certainly works and so, but leaves no room for the realization of the real "I" within you. So be alone with yourself. At the end of the timeline, highlight a few beliefs that are not based on logic, but are based on what you were led to believe. Everyone has them. What do you think of them now?

Society secretly teaches us to see the "undesirables", to condemn the "losers", to worship "beauty" and to shun the "eccentrics". But here's the mystery: all these judgments have no basis in reality. How do you feel about the world around you? Think exactly about what "you" consider good and what is bad - do not accept someone else's opinion on this matter.
Feel free to be more specific. Do you really agree with the political and religious beliefs of your parents? The most important thing in life is to build a career? Do black glasses really make you cooler? If the answer to all these questions is no, great! There is no problem in not adapting to already existing norms. All you have to do now is unlearn and then learn again. Only this time follow your intuition.

Start relying on your strengths. Self-confidence is the key to finding your "I". If you do not have a strong sense of self-worth, you will constantly listen to what others say, to their understanding of what is good, bad or what is decent. Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then you will discover a new "I" in yourself. Remember, be patient and confident in your own abilities. Everything will come with time.

If you have been a victim in the past, you need to resolve this conflict. These problems will not go away on their own. They will constantly influence your daily life, will cause you to live according to the beliefs of other people, instead of having your own.
Start trusting your judgment and decision-making process. Sure, you will make mistakes from time to time, but everyone does. Through mistakes, you will grow, learn, and discover your true self.
Take full responsibility for your budget, day-to-day spending, and planning for the future. People who lack a sense of ownership live carefree lives in the hope that everything will somehow resolve itself. But it happens that not everything is resolved by itself. Taking responsibility, you move yourself away from the abyss and feel your inner strength, inner certainty, you are no longer floating on the waves of fate.

Start everything from scratch. Develop your own system of moral values and make it a rule to follow it. Remove vices from your life (all actions or habits that bind your inner self and allow you not to think about truly important issues); they just constantly distract and only harm.

Quit smoking, overeating and drinking too much. These are examples of vices and habits that do not allow you to breathe deeply. They can also "take you away" from the analysis of why you are resorting to these bad habits, instead of diversifying your life in other ways.
This step may require a long rehabilitation for some, but shelving it does not solve the problem. Remember, you can't drive forward while constantly looking in your rearview mirror!

Organize the world around you. You will note that if all your affairs are in order, the path to self-knowledge is open. So clean up your room. Do all your assignments. Resolve conflict with your friend. If you remove all obstacles from the path, you will have time to realize the essence of yourself.

We all have excuses why we do not develop in what we would like to develop - it can be a matter of money, study, work, relationships, whatever you call it, all this can become a reason. If you are a hardworking bee, still take the time to sit down and put everything in order. If these things are on the sidelines of your to-do list, you will never deal with them.

Part 2

We conquer our world

Immerse yourself in solitude. Allow yourself to move away from the expectations, the talk, the noise, the news, and the pressure on you. Set aside time each day to just walk and meditate. Sit on a park bench and relax. Go on a long walk full of different thoughts. Whatever you do, go as far as possible from everything that interferes with the contemplation of life and does not allow it to go in the right direction. In solitude, you should feel independent and self-sufficient, not lonely, needy, or afraid.
- Everyone needs time to be alone, whether that person is an introvert or extrovert, single or in a relationship, young or old. Solitude is a time for renewal and self-talk, for inner peace and understanding that solitude is not a bad thing, but rather a liberating essence of being.
- If you're a creative person, you'll find that time alone helps develop your skills and is inspiring. Sometimes it's great to work with other people, but it's hard to stay inspired when you're constantly surrounded by other people. Take a step back and turn to the sources of inspiration.
Look for your passion. When you believe in something or find something beautiful, you should strive for it, regardless of the opinions of others. If you have found something that is worth your efforts, sacrifices and tears - perhaps this is the most important find in life. Often this finding will lead you to a real fulfillment of yourself.
- The most important thing to understand is, "It doesn't matter what it is." It could be fighting hunger or it could be painting. There are no comparisons when it comes to passion. You either feel it or you don't, it's impossible to compare them. When you find an activity that gets you out of bed in the morning, dive into it. You can fully open up in it.
Look for a mentor. And although only you can search for yourself, and only you determine your needs, a mentor or an experienced master will help you avoid unnecessary obstacles in your path. Look for someone you trust and who has a developed sense of self. How did he come to this?
- Tell them about the process you are getting into. Especially point out what you know that this is your journey, but you would like to use their power to guide you. Look at them as objectively as possible. How did they become like this? How did they find their strength? What makes them honest with themselves?
- Support is the key to any form of self-improvement. Not many will understand you, and many will simply dismiss this topic as irrelevant. The mentor will also tell you everything that you definitely do not need to do.
Get to grips with your career. If you're always on the lookout for the "right" job, chances are you're unhappy deep down and justify your inability to reach your potential by changing jobs frequently. To find yourself, you need to truly love your job. What would you be doing if you didn't have to worry about earning your living? Is it possible to turn this activity/skill into money?

Part 3

Changing our perspectives

Don't try to please everyone. Agree: some people treat you badly no matter what you do. It's important to ignore their opinions because you can't please everyone. You probably don't want to disappoint the people close to you, but they should wish you happiness too. Until you stop living according to others' ideas of who you should be, you will never know who you really are. Raymond Hull aptly summarized this thought: "He who limits himself to satisfy others will soon lose himself."
- Keep in mind that seeing you change your life, grow up and love yourself, some of the people around you may become jealous, scared or shocked. Your relationship will change, they will have to look strictly and impartially at themselves, and they probably do not want to do this. Understand these people and give them time; later they will agree with your decision. If not, leave them alone. They don't have to be the same as you.
Avoid negativity. It sounds pretty obscure, yes. But luckily, it's easier to do than you think! Make informed choices and minimize judgments – about others, about things and About Me. There are two reasons for this: 1) Positivity can reveal the feeling of happiness for you that was hidden under the mask of everyday life and 2) By opening your mind to new sensations and new people (which you previously did not let in), you open up a new world that can become better than your previous one - in such a world you will find your piece of the sky, build a castle on a cloud, find your place in this crazy world.
- Try doing things that you previously thought were "weird", "illogical" or just "uncomfortable". Getting out of your comfort zone will allow you to know yourself - what you are capable of, what you are, what definitely does not apply to you and what you have always lacked. In any case, you will only win!
Ask yourself questions. Ask yourself difficult questions that force you to look at things more broadly than before. More importantly, write down the answers to these questions. Being in solitude, it is very easy to lose these thoughts, they will simply slip away and be forgotten. If you write everything down, reflecting each time, you can review your notes and even take a step forward instead of answering already prepared questions. Save them in a notebook so you can easily write them down and update them wherever you are. This will feed your mind, so you can measure your growth throughout your life. Here are a few to get you started:
- "If I owned all the resources in the world and didn't have to earn money, how would I spend my life and why?" Perhaps you would take up painting, writing books, becoming interested in farming, or exploring the Amazon jungle. Don't hold back your dreams.
- "Would I like to turn back and say what I've never regretted?" Do you regret that you have never been abroad? That they didn't talk to that person, even if they risked being rejected? That you spent little time with your family when you had the opportunity? This question can be really tricky.
- "If I were given three words to describe the person I would like to be, what would they be? Risky? Loving? Open? Honest? Funky? Optimistic? Don't be afraid of negative words, they just mean that you are real a person, not a set of positive qualities that everyone wants to strive for.
  - Sometimes the traits you don't like will come in handy in emergency situations, such as commanding others. Sometimes they are extremely important for a certain case, for example, your pickiness.
  - If you do have serious negative traits, acknowledging this openly will encourage you to channel that energy into a positive direction. Try turning a bad habit into a hobby. Don't like to wash your clothes often? Go hiking, you might like it. Even something like pole dancing can serve you well!
- "Who am I?" The answer to this question cannot be fixed. Ask yourself this all your life. The normal person is constantly changing. By regularly asking yourself this question, you will be able to adjust your vision of yourself and observe the changes. Don't try to answer who you need to be, but focus on understanding who you really are. Most likely, this person is beautiful, despite all his shortcomings.

Part 4

We fill ourselves with only good

Act according to the newly discovered knowledge for you. Do what you like! Start painting with watercolor. Write a short story. Plan your trip to Mombasa. Have dinner with your family. Start joking. Open up. Tell the truth. Whatever you want to be and whatever you decide to do, start now!
- You probably shake your head as you read this and come up with excuses like “no time”, “no money”, “obligations to family”, etc. Instead of hiding behind obstacles, think about how to overcome them. You can find free time, find money, and get rid of responsibilities if you have the courage to just pursue these things.
- Sometimes, your whole being is too scared to take decisive action, because it will mean coming face to face with what you yourself have limited yourself to. Start thinking about what you really want to do and what you need to do to make it possible, instead of hiding behind excuses, destroying your goals and dreams in the bud.
Be prepared for failure. Finding yourself is a process, not a goal. A lot of it is trial and error. This is the price you have to pay for the feeling of inner fulfillment you get. On the way, you will often have to stumble, and sometimes fall face down in the mud. Understand and accept that this is an integral part of the process, and you will have to pull yourself together and start all over again.
- It won't be easy - it has never been easy for anyone. But if you learn to perceive difficulties as an opportunity to prove the firmness of your intentions to find yourself, your reward will be well-being and the fulfillment of your plan. When you become yourself, everyone will respect you more and treat you more kindly. And most importantly, you will always be satisfied with yourself, others will notice this and will be even more convinced of your individuality.
Serve others. Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." By going completely into introspection and not reaching out to others, you will gradually isolate yourself from people and withdraw into yourself. Service to others and society is the best way to understand your purpose and find your place in life.
- When you see how difficult life can be for those who need more than you, you will probably wake up and look at your own experiences, problems and worries from a different perspective. You will appreciate what you have and remember what opportunities you missed in the past. This will give a huge impetus to the development of your independence, because everything will fall into place for you, and you will understand what is really important in life. Try it. You'll like it..

Along the way, you will sometimes need to cry. Freeing your soul is good.
And while it sounds like a cliché, being yourself can only be taken literally when you're really looking for your essence. Protect yourself from other people's influence; be sure to listen to others and learn from other people, but reserve the right to agree or disagree, make the final choice and make decisions. If you silently accept someone else's opinion, your search for your "I" is even more complicated, as other people influence your self-consciousness.
Take yourself out of your comfort zone for a long period of time. Watch yourself as you act out of your comfort zone and you will learn things about yourself that you never knew.
There is no time limit for finding yourself, be patient.
Don't think that all this is happening only to you. Ralph Ellison wrote well about this in The Invisible Man: “All my life I was looking for something, and wherever I went, someone tried to explain to me what it was. I accepted their answers, although they often contradicted each other and myself. I was naive. I searched for myself and asked everyone but myself questions that only I could answer. My expectations came back to me like a painful boomerang, and it took a long time for me to realize what anyone else a person, apparently, is born into the world: I am only me and no one else.
Remember that the morning is wiser than the evening. You should not rush into making a decision, and the likelihood of making the right decision is greater if you rest and calm down.
Forgive and hope others will forgive you.
Being yourself is the best you can be, remember that.
You will know that you are close when you are relaxed or completely immersed in something. Sometimes you won't be out of breath, and it happens.
There really is no "right" or "wrong", so don't worry too much.
Listen and trust your inner voice!
Be as good as possible.

College is over and adulthood has begun. First job, new sensations, new responsibility. And suddenly you understand: I don’t want to do this all my life. When I entered the institute, I did not understand, did not realize that this was not suitable for me. Maybe my decision was made under pressure from parents or peers, or I myself made a mistake in my choice, but now that's not what matters. How to understand what I really want? What are my abilities? Does every person have their own calling? And how to find it?

We are talking about this with Irina Nikolaevna Moshkova, founder and head of the Family Good psychological consultation.

Does every person have a calling?

In the spiritual literature there are no direct indications that each person has a certain specific professional activity, to which he is most predisposed. But it is said that each person is called by God to a personal form of being. This is the main purpose of man.

Solving this problem, throughout his life a person must spiritually develop and improve, multiplying the abilities given by God. Contributing to the disclosure of creativity in a person, The Lord gives each of us the grace of the Holy Spirit so that our faith does not remain fruitless to find her expression in conscious service to God, other people and God's created world.

Man should not live idle on earth. Man is the highest creation of God, which is called not only to eat, drink, sleep and send some of his needs. The Lord sees in man His friend, helper and co-worker, able to increase the beauty and diversity of God's created world, to see the deepest, essential connections of various aspects of Being. Seeing the essence of things with the help of God, studying the spiritual laws of the existence of the human race, we can reasonably build our life on earth without violating the harmony of the world created by God.

It follows that every person faces difficult tasks: firstly, the task of realizing one's human vocation, secondly, the investment of moral efforts in the development of one's own personality, without which it is impossible to develop one's talents and abilities, and thirdly, the search for oneself and one's place of service to God, God's near and created world, on which the acquired creative potential of the individual can be successfully implemented.

Every person has one or another form and measure of giftedness. There are people whose talents and abilities are at the level of genius. They say about such people: “He is a composer from God”, “an artist from God”, “a teacher from God”, “a doctor from God”. We say this meaning that a person not only felt that he carries a certain gift of God in himself, but he still managed to correctly realize this gift. Developing as a person, this person managed to use his gifts and abilities in such a way that in his mind the understanding of his giftedness was combined with the feeling of how he should dispose of this gift. As a result, his Christian personality acquired such greatness that the people around him begin to “see his good deeds and glorify the Heavenly Father” (Matthew 5:16).

Multiply what God has given

It happens on the contrary, a person with great difficulty realizes the strengths of his “I” and does not immediately distinguish which path to follow, what to learn, where to apply himself. This is, unfortunately, much more common. But these phenomena must also be correctly interpreted.

In my opinion, this does not mean that a person is deprived of God, that he does not have the data due to which he could eventually turn into a developed personality that could glorify his Creator. The Lord says in the parable about the talents that even if a person is given only one talent, you still need to try to discover it, use it for its intended purpose, realize it to the extent determined from above. The Lord is many-merciful: even if He limits a person in some way, He will surely compensate for this by an excess of his abilities in another.

It often happens, for example, that a person’s lack of vision is compensated by good hearing, or, conversely, a person does not hear everything, but distinguishes some nuances of color shades that other people do not perceive, or smells surprisingly subtly.

Some time ago, in the assembly hall of the Tsaritsyno KTsSO, where we work as psychologists, there were paintings painted by disabled people with various mental illnesses. Many of them have diagnoses: schizophrenia, epilepsy, hysteria. When artists start working with these people, when they encourage sick people to creative self-discovery, artistic canvases of amazing beauty and expressiveness are born.

In psychology and psychotherapy, there is now such a direction in the treatment of mental illness: “therapy with creative self-expression”. It turns out that it is extremely important for a person to engage in some kind of creative work so that he can express himself, his inner world, pronounce what is going on inside him.

The ability to self-knowledge is more important than talents

It seems to me that in order for a person to find himself in life, it is important not just to have some extraordinary abilities and talents, it is important that a person be brought up, developed such properties that give him the opportunity to properly dispose of what opens up for him. inside yourself. In psychology this is called capacity for self-awareness and self-knowledge.

It is important to emphasize that the ability to realize who I am, what I am, what I am capable of, are formed in the process of life. And here, for children who are just developing, the experience of parental life is very instructive and important. Parents who are passionate about their work, their profession, personal example significantly help the child find himself in life. In families where parents themselves are engaged in creativity, where there is some creative emancipation in the home environment, when children have access to books, good illustrations, when it is possible to take a canvas, paints, brushes and start drawing together with their father or mother - the child receives additional opportunities in looking for your favorite thing.

If children see how, for example, an artist father is enthusiastically working on creating paintings, they themselves begin to draw and mix paints. If, for example, a dad is a writer who, sitting at a computer, works all the time on the texts of books, then the child, peering into the life of his parents, most often also tries himself in writing poems and stories. Children learn the ability to think objectively, to develop meaningfully, as a rule, in the area in which their parents work.

We notice this in the activities of our family Sunday School "Life-Giving Spring" in Tsaritsyn, which I have been leading for many years. If the parents themselves, say, want to paint, they can bring their child to the classes. Or, on the contrary, the children wanted to paint on wood, and together with them, dad and mom can come to these creative classes. Parents who, together with the child, are engaged in some kind of creativity, bring great benefits to their child, because then he grows up with a sense of the experience of creative activity.

A person recognizes himself by engaging in creative activities, performing specific tasks assigned to himself, belonging to a particular subject area. This experience forms a person's self-awareness, a sense of the volume of creative resources inherent in his personality.

Finding Yourself in the Light of Christ's Faith

But most of all, a person's self-consciousness depends on his spiritual development, on how much a person is involved in the life of the Church. When a person communicates with the grace of the Holy Spirit, he begins to recognize himself in a completely new way. Everything unnecessary, superficial disappears, like a kind of husk, the main thing, the essence, remains.

If a person does not believe superficially and becomes deeply churched, if he has a good spiritual mentor, then a revolution takes place inside a person, that inner light flares up inside him, about which the Church sings: “In Your light we will see light.” Faith is born, a person partakes in the Sacraments, and the light of Christ gives a person the opportunity to understand himself deeper. The practice of confession, repentance makes it possible to observe oneself, to study oneself in its various manifestations.

The work of the Holy Spirit in man bears great fruit. And including it directly affects the fact that a person reconsiders the foundations on which his former life was built.

In this case, it often happens that people move to another profession, begin to be interested in what they have never been fond of before. There are amazing examples when a person, not prepared in any way in advance, suddenly begins to write wonderful icon-painting works. We have observed more than once how women, who were fond of church embroidery, found themselves in this art, although they had never done this at home before. Or another example: a person never sang, began to go to church, began to pray, began to somehow mature spiritually, his soul began to sing, and at the same time he had a desire to learn this business.

The emergence of new objective interests in a believer is a completely natural phenomenon. A person spiritually begins to see clearly, and along with this, a new understanding of himself is born in him, and a need is formed to express the spiritual richness of his inner world, which he now acquires in his soul. If a person is helped a little at this moment, taught to navigate in a new subject area and given the opportunity to learn the necessary technical foundations of the matter of interest, he will be able to create highly professional works.

This upheaval itself is natural: a person is cleansed of sin, spiritually transformed, and at the same time he realizes himself differently and finds his new field. Of course, it does not always happen that a person discards his former profession and completely forgets about it. Most often, after churching at a new stage of life, a person is looking for opportunities to combine his former education, to articulate it with a new Christian worldview.

This happened in my own life as well. When I first started going to church (this was in the nineties), the priests were very suspicious of psychology as a science, because it had just emerged from the materialistic tradition. Plus, in the 90s, sorcerers, psychics, magicians, sorcerers of all kinds began their practical activities. Many priests then feared that the occupation of psychology would lead people to fascination with the occult, and this is very, very dangerous for the soul!

I knew that many of my colleagues, as soon as they began to become churched, resolutely left psychology and began to do something completely different. I was well aware that my former worldview had collapsed. But at the same time, I was very sad to lose my scientific baggage, which I had acquired at Moscow State University for many years. After some thought, I came to the conclusion that I need to start studying Christian anthropology and, based on it, create a new psychological practice.

I want to admit that it was very difficult for me then! There was a feeling that I was sitting on the ruins, the previous experience did not work, and the new approach did not exist at all ... Of course, then I did not have any sense of self-confidence, there was only anxiety and uncertainty. The search for oneself was then in full swing!

An experienced confessor helped me to become an Orthodox family psychologist. From experience I know that at such a moment the help of a spiritual mentor is very important! A priest, confessor who knows the anxieties, interests, reflections of his spiritual child can induce a person to constructive inner work. Here you can’t command, you can’t forbid a person: “drop this, start this.”

The process of searching for oneself in the light of Christ's faith must be completed in a person. This process of becoming a Christian personality is directed by the Lord God Himself with the assistance of a spiritual mentor. Through the prayers of the spiritual father, the heart of a person opens, and the Lord gives him new knowledge, an understanding of himself, his place in the Church and the world.

Part 2. On what to build a new worldview?

What to take from the former life? On what to build a new worldview? This process is not completed in one day, it takes time to do important inner work. You need to think, observe yourself and people, select, analyze, generalize the previous experience of your life, etc. Intensive work of consciousness and self-consciousness over time allows a person who is looking for himself to make the necessary spiritual breakthrough.

Currently, I am the head of the Autonomous Non-Profit Organization "Psychological Service Family Good". This is an Orthodox psychological consultation, whose activities are aimed at helping people who find themselves in difficult life and family circumstances. The process of the birth of this organization took place in my soul in a very mysterious way. This required about ten years of gathering strength and crystallization of thought. I remember several important points that determined the success of the search.

goal setting

First, goal setting. The question “how to find yourself” becomes relevant for those people who want to do more than just “have” or “seem” important people. Such questions are asked by people who want to truly "be", who want to solve the problem of devoting themselves and their forces to a meaningful meaningful form of being in this world. Such striving naturally brings a person to the Christian tradition. The thirst for a genuine, real, meaningful life is tantamount to the search for Truth, which is inextricably linked with the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Understanding that Christ Himself is the Truth radically changes people's outlook and provides a new starting point for the search for oneself.

Together with the beginning of the Christian life and churching, a person naturally develops the desire to move in depth and live with full dedication, to treat everything responsibly and seriously. Along with a change in worldview position, the Lord sends a person the right thoughts, right judgments, indicates the right directions for searching for oneself. In order for this process to begin, it is necessary to put spiritual values above material ones, and trust the Lord God, as the Creator, Creator and Giver of all Good. Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh writes in his works: if we ourselves extend our hand to Christ, then He takes it and leads to a new life. Therefore, first of all, we must turn to him for help as a Teacher, as a Friend, as a Mentor: “Lord, help me! Take me where you intend to take me. May your will be done!"

At that moment, when I was looking for my place in life, a phrase from the Gospel was a guide for me: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness, and everything else will be added to you.” I often repeated these words within myself, and they helped me a lot to stay on the right path.

The Gospel tells us that it is most important for a person to stand before the Face of God and enter into prayerful fellowship with Him, and if this is done, then He Himself will actively contribute to the well-being of human life in the world around. In other words, if a “vertical” is built in human life, then “horizontal” relations with the outside world are formed as if by themselves, easily and naturally. The Lord God Himself then “leads” a person by the hand to the goals and tasks that affirm his spiritual dignity.

life analysis

Secondly, in order to find yourself, you need the ability to analyze your own life, the life path you have traveled.

Again, I'll take my personal experience as a basis. At Moscow State University, we were taught many academic disciplines, but among them were subjects related to such a section as child, developmental and educational psychology. It was this knowledge that helped me in creating a Christian approach to psychological counseling.

In 1995, Fr. Georgy Breev blessed me to become the director of the Life-Giving Spring Sunday School in Tsaritsyn. At that time, only school-age children studied at Sunday School. When I became the director of the school, I clearly understood that by limiting the contingent of school students only to children, we set ourselves the educational task incorrectly, since the semantic cell, the unit for spreading the Orthodox faith should be the family. As soon as I said these words aloud, I immediately realized that Sunday School should accept not only schoolchildren, but also preschoolers, and most importantly, teenagers, youth, parents, even grandparents.

The Life-Giving Spring School has become an educational institution that teaches people to live like a Christian in the circle of their own families, because the family, according to the teachings of the Church, is a small, domestic church. If a person creates in the family circle an atmosphere of mutual support, trust and love, then at the same time he forms that spiritually healthy environment necessary for the formation of a Christian personality. In such an atmosphere, children grow up who, leaving the threshold of their parents' home, are able to live independently and responsibly.

When I said the word "family" (and it was 1997) - a light flashed in my soul! I think it was the Lord who gave me a secret sign that we have chosen the right course. When you are visited by a certain thought sent from above, from God, it overshadows you from the inside, and you understand that suddenly a new field opens up before you, a new life path that has not yet been beaten by anyone.

When the family school was born, the idea of creating a family counseling center was born at the same time. At that moment, I found a place to apply my professional knowledge. Although initially I was about. Georgy Breev, my confessor, blessed me simply to teach at the Sunday School and then become its director. But as soon as the word “family” was uttered, there was a clear understanding of where I needed to be, what to do and what direction to develop.

The correct statement of the problem enables a person to feel his destiny, his mission, his dedication to a particular topic. Along with this, an understanding of one's professional work as a kind of purpose, vocation is formed.

What is a calling?

What is a calling? This is not just work for money, "from and to." This is the activity, growing into which a person is formed as a Christian personality. This is the activity during which the spiritual growth of a person takes place, service to God and the people around is carried out.

It is known from the Gospel that the Lord Jesus Christ chose the Apostles, who were to first perceive and assimilate the preaching of the Divine Teacher and Instructor, and then become carriers and distributors of great ideas. Thus, the Apostles of Christ became those people who first themselves went through the path of forming a Christian personality, and then became preachers and founders of the Christian Church, in which many people all over the earth now find salvation of their souls.

The incorruptible, honest and creative service of a person to the Church, homeland and every work of God on earth, inspired by faith in Christ, he called "objective behavior." Ilyin's work "The Creative Idea of Our Future" states the following:

“The Russian teacher must, first of all, think through and feel to the end his great national task. He is not a specialist in the elimination of illiteracy (not a "special" "literacy program"), but a teacher of Russian children. He must know and understand that the point is not only in the development of observation, reason and memory, but in the awakening and strengthening of spirituality in children.

In turn, "objectivity", according to his definition, is a natural result of the Christian feat of creative transformation of oneself in God and creative transformation of the world ("world acceptance"). The future of Russia, according to Ilyin, requires the education of people who are strong in spirit, “objectively” thinking and capable of “objective” activity, capable of living with an understanding of Christian responsibility for their standing before God.

All of the above makes it possible to designate as a fundamental approach to the organization of the educational process in the Sunday school a "subject" approach, which is based on explaining to students the idea of the Christian feat of sacrificial love, as well as the possibility and necessity of its implementation in the course of everyday life in the family circle.

Reflecting on the fate of Russia after the October Revolution, I.A. Ilyin in the book "The Creative Idea of Our Future" wrote that Russia needs to create its own system of state and public life, its own culture and education system. Russia, wrote the philosopher, is a country of the Christian way of life. This way of life is the basic formation of Russian public life, which forms the identity of the self-consciousness of the people.

Put your idea into practice

The third important point: finding the main point of application of their creative forces, important, so that a person begins to practically realize his ideal plan. It is necessary that further specific steps for implementing a creative idea into life be outlined. This stage becomes a test of the viability of our plans.

For us, this stage was associated with the creation of a family school, then the creation of a consultation, then the transfer of the consultation to the walls of a state institution - the State Institution of the Tsaritsyno Complex Center for Social Services (KCSO). The successive passage of these stages led us to the study of new problems that we did not originally think to consider. For example, mental health problems and support from the family of a mentally ill person, holding educational seminars discussing the problems of parental vocation. The issues of marriage and parenthood constituted a whole layer of new topics that we had to seriously think about. Along with this, a new psychological practice was born, consisting of a combination of counseling, psychotherapeutic work and educational activities.

All our activities are now divided into areas, and each direction gives rise to some kind of social project. We understand that it is not enough just to announce that we will do this and that. We need to bring our development to the stage of a clearly defined program of action aimed at helping specific people of a certain age, social status, and so on. It is necessary to achieve practical benefit, a practical result of activity.

Boldness. Learn to "plow without looking back"

There is another important point in the search for oneself. It often happens that impatient people who cannot wait for a positive result do not find themselves for a long time. They want to immediately skim "foam" and "cream". The results don't appear right away. For example, training, education, enlightenment - these activities do not allow you to quickly see the fruits of your labor. Here you must first work hard, you must first invest your soul, spend a lot of effort, time, do not be afraid to do it. And the result can be seen only with a long delay.

The holy fathers have such a concept - "boldness". wrote in his work:

"Orthodoxy enables a person to become a saint, but not all people become saints."

The question arises: why does this happen only in rare, exceptional cases? Father John answered in his sermons:

"Because people don't have the courage."

When we read spiritual literature and get acquainted with the lives of holy people, we see how difficult it is to achieve this. We say: “Yes, I will never be able to do this, my life is not enough. Is it even worth doing this?" In order to have a result, a person must learn to "plow without looking back."

You need to believe that your idea is correct, and devote some period of your life to simply doing everything to implement it, without looking back. And then there comes a moment when the amount of work brought in already bears fruit in itself, gives some kind of sprouts, some important creative continuation. Then you are no longer looking for a job, the job is looking for you.

photosight.ru Photo: Vladimir Cherkasov