How to learn to have interesting conversations, even with complete strangers. Etiquette during a conversation

A person lives in a society, so he must be able to communicate with other people, and communication implies the ability to conduct a conversation. The ability to conduct a conversation includes both the tone of the conversation, and its content, and the manner of speaking, tact and the ability to argue.

Tone of conversation

You can judge the mood of a person by the tone of the conversation. To a certain extent, the tone also reflects the character of a person, in any case it shows with whom we are dealing: with an educated or ill-mannered person. Tone in a conversation matters as much as gestures and posture to demeanor. The same word or phrase can affect people differently depending on the tone in which it is spoken.

Sometimes communication worsens mood and even well-being. Many do not attach any importance to this, believing that communication with an unpleasant person can be stopped at any time. Unfortunately, there are situations in life when, for various reasons, it is impossible to avoid communicating with a person who treats you with hostility. He doesn't notice you because he has no special interest in getting close to you. He looks at you like you are empty space. He rejects all your attempts to explain to him. When you meet, you feel that everything annoys him - the thought you expressed, and your intonation, and the very timbre of your voice.

On your offer to discuss the issue of interest to you at a convenient time for him, he will refer to employment and promise to meet only to get rid of you. And although you have repeatedly given him a helping hand in difficult times, this person without self-interest is not able to be attentive and kind-hearted. But as soon as he feels that he can get something from your favor or that your critical attitude towards him can harm him, he will very quickly find a way to establish contact with you and will be courteous and polite.

If you do not want to turn into such a person, then never forget that neither work, nor social position, nor experienced trouble, nor poor health give you the right to be impolite to others. And even if you are a big boss, you need to give your orders to subordinates in a polite tone, calmly, businesslike, although confidently enough.

Trusting intonation in communication is especially effective. It allows the partner to feel on an equal footing with you, although you, perhaps, are significantly superior to him in terms of your experience and knowledge. In general, the tone of the conversation is determined by the situation and the person with whom you have to talk. There are times when a particular issue needs to be resolved immediately, but there is no time for an explanation in a confidential tone. Accordingly, the tone should be more restrained and clear. It is important in any situation not to offend a person, to give him the opportunity to understand what you want from him.

Topic of conversation

Do we always know how to speak correctly? Do we sometimes feel that we are very tired of communicating with a specific person and, moreover, we feel dissatisfaction from the conversation that took place? Often this happens because we do not respect our interlocutor enough. All people are different, and our mistake is that we often forget about it and talk to almost everyone the same way.

Clearly define the content of the conversation, adhere to the appropriate form - one of the manifestations of politeness.

Any conversation begins with a meeting, so, naturally, the first words are words of greeting. The most common question that follows is: “How are you” or “How are you?”. More specific questions usually follow.

Polite people during a conversation do not say things that can unpleasantly offend the interlocutor. Do not ask about what he does not want to talk about. Do not praise themselves and do not condemn others, do not discuss other people's problems, unless they intend to solve them.

If the topic has not been determined in advance and the conversation is built spontaneously, it is important to know if your interlocutor has knowledge in the area that is interesting to you, and how great they are, whether he has his own opinion on a particular issue and desire to discuss it with you.

The exchange of information is the first condition of any conversation, one of the prerequisites for acquaintance, further rapprochement and mutual understanding.

If the information reported by one of the interlocutors is redundant, it burdens and diverts attention from what actually constitutes the subject of the conversation, only economical and complete information can satisfy the partner. Interlocutors get carried away only when the exchange of views and impressions helps to clarify something of their own, although the conversation is based on common interests.

A conversation is fruitful when the interlocutors know how to listen to each other. Learning to listen correctly is much more difficult than learning to speak correctly. A wise person knows how to be eloquent even in silence. As a rule, such a person has a rich imagination. Everyone wants to communicate with this person, as people tend to talk more than listen. Patient listeners are much rarer than eloquent talkers.

Other people are afraid of a pause, believing that the dialogue with it will stop. They believe that silence robs them of the interlocutor, that it expresses his dissatisfaction with their presence. The silence unnerves them. This state often arises from the inability to delve into what has been heard. They cannot penetrate into the content, they are affected only by the voice, the tone of the interlocutor. This happens, as a rule, when people talk about different things, they do not have a common theme. After all, you can be silent about the same thing.

Sometimes you cannot hold the attention of the interlocutor, because your words do not have inner strength, charge, do not accurately reflect the essence of the conversation.

It is great when the conversation flows freely, at a good pace, there is a lot of improvisation, but at the same time the interlocutors are logical, consistently argue their positions, defend their points of view.

The conversation is not constructive if the speaker stammers, mumbles, answers vaguely, although circumstances require a certain reaction.

It is not uncommon for a person with a smart look to talk about things that are not related to the topic of conversation. It is very difficult to understand him, although his speech is very lengthy, not devoid of prettiness. On the contrary, another person will say only a few words, but at the same time will express a lot, because his speech is capacious, distinguished by a high density of thought, figurative expressions. If the thought expressed by the interlocutor is consonant with your thoughts, complements and deepens them, the conversation will be constructive and will bring mutual satisfaction.

The main rule of the conversation, which the interlocutors must observe: do not speak in general, but in accordance with the situation and the specific subject of the conversation. If you want to convince those who listen to you of something, you must first take care of the arguments, the ways to prove the correctness of your position.

During the conversation, a number of problems may arise.

The first problem is the inability of the speaker to stop in time. It is important to feel when the interlocutors are already listening to you without attention, but agreeing out of good manners, and quickly round off.

The second problem occurs when your interlocutor does nothing to keep the conversation going. Not only does he not ask any questions, but he does not show any interest at all.

The third problem is when the interlocutor is constantly talking. He won't let you have a word, he won't hear you, and he certainly won't answer any of your questions.

The second and third problems are similar, since in both cases the conversation turns into a monologue.

The fourth problem is when interlocutors interrupt each other. The inability to listen is sometimes even worse than the inability to speak. It is very difficult to carry on a conversation when you are constantly knocked out of your head, trying to insert a story about something of your own along the way.

The fifth problem is the inability to argue. Two people who hold opposing views often quarrel. Everyone considers himself right, not trying to understand the other. Such people are not able to come to a consensus, because they are unable to understand the logic of the other side. When they cannot convince their opponent, they begin to get excited and annoyed, trying at any cost to prove their case, while speaking out not just categorically, but sometimes even rudely. Such people insist on their point of view and refuse to justify the rejection of the position of the interlocutor, even when this is inexplicable and not shared by the majority of those present.

The sixth problem is the inability to win over the interlocutor. A person is lost, nervous, does not say what he wanted, because it seems to him that everyone somehow looks at him the wrong way.

You can try to fix these problems by listening to the following tips:

During a general conversation, you should not attract the attention of others, speak too quickly, loudly or deliberately stretched.

During the conversation, you should not attract the attention of others. You should have a good idea of ​​what you can talk about in society, and what is better to be silent about. Try not to touch on purely personal family topics; do not raise too sharp, painful questions; You should not touch on highly professional topics that are not of interest to the majority of those present.

It is indecent not to answer questions.

When telling jokes, choose those that can evoke a positive reaction from the majority of those listening. And it is absolutely tactless and unacceptable, when telling a joke, to hint at those present.

The topic of conversation, if possible, should be of interest to all participants. With unfamiliar people, you can start a conversation about a movie, performance, concert, exhibition, tour of one of the masters of art. As a rule, no one is left indifferent to the discussion of topical political issues, the latest achievements of science, new discoveries and inventions, novelties in literature, art, and so on.

Highly specialized scientific topics in a large company should not be touched upon.

Do not get lost in front of the interlocutor. Be kind and considerate from the start. Your sincere interest in the subject of conversation will certainly cause a grateful response. It is necessary to reckon with the mood of the person, with the environment in which the conversation takes place.

It would be out of place to discuss work plans in the society of those who admire the sunset and vice versa.

In society or in the presence of a third person, try not to talk about your affairs of the heart or domestic quarrels. Do not share confidential information with others. Avoid conversations that may bring up bad memories or dark moods. It is not customary to talk about death in the sick room. Do not tell him that he does not look good, but on the contrary, try to somehow cheer him up.

On the way, especially on an airplane, do not talk about crashes and air disasters: this can cause nervous tension of others

Don't talk at the table about things that might ruin your appetite or enjoy your meal. Don't criticize or look down upon the food served. It is better to please the hostess by praising the home table.

An educated person will not show immodest curiosity, try to penetrate into the intimate life of other people. He will not ask about the woman's age. And even more so - to make fun of the reluctance of some women to discuss their age.

Many people think that while in a company, you should not talk about work at all. However, there is nothing reprehensible in this if the conversation about official affairs is interesting to the majority of those present.

Is it possible to talk about common acquaintances? Undoubtedly, if the conversation is conducted in the correct tone. However, everyone should feel for himself when a simple interest in a person begins to be replaced by gossip or, even worse, slander. An ironic smile, a meaningful look, an ambiguous remark addressed to someone sometimes hurt a person more than outright abuse. Therefore, these methods must be used with great care.

Acting as the host of the house or table, discreetly guide the conversation, trying to start a general conversation on a topic that interests everyone, and draw even the most shy guests into it. It's best to talk less. It is impolite to carry on a conversation on a topic in which one of those present cannot take part.

A tactful and polite interlocutor conducts a conversation with all those present, without giving a clear preference to anyone. The ability to listen to the interlocutor is an indispensable condition for a conversation. It's tactless to interrupt another person. No matter how boring it is, you need to try to listen to the end of the thought or story of another. But this, of course, does not mean that one should sit silently. If you want to join the conversation, ask for permission: “Excuse me, can I add” or “Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to add ...” and so on. The speaker must reckon with such a remark.

You should not start a heated argument in defense of your opinion. Such disputes spoil the mood of those present. In a general conversation, one should not get personal and speak taunts. Young people should avoid arguing with elders. Even if the elder is really wrong and you failed to convince him of this in a calm conversation, it is more correct to stop the argument and transfer the conversation to another topic. Of course, this does not apply to questions of worldview, but tact can be shown here too.

Every society welcomes a good storyteller, but not everyone has this gift. If you want to draw attention to yourself and arouse interest in your topic, remember that you need to speak very clearly and concisely, logically linking your thoughts. In order to convince others of anything, one must be sure of the truth of the judgments expressed, not get excited, and avoid repetition.

It is good for young people to remember that they should wait until the elders reach out to them. In turn, the elders should give the young people the opportunity to speak, not to interrupt them.

If you don't feel confident about something, admit your incompetence.

A well-mannered person behaves modestly and calmly, does not show that he noticed the oversight of another person. If it is necessary to correct the speaker, he will do it delicately, without offending him, using expressions like: “Excuse me, were you not mistaken?” and the like. Everyone can make a mistake. But one who has noticed a mistake and is sure that he is right should not talk about it in an instructive tone.

It is impolite to correct the narrator with such phrases as: “not true”, “you don’t understand anything about this”, “this is clearer than clear and every child knows”, “you flood” and so on. You can express your disagreement tactfully, without offending the other person: “Sorry, but I don’t agree with you”, “It seems to me that you are wrong ...”, “I have a different opinion ...”

Do not comment on the statements of the interlocutor with the words “maybe”, “very possible”, “it goes without saying” or “naturally”. You should not be offended by clarifications, it is better to take notes into account.

If you already know what the speaker is talking about, be patient and don't interrupt him. On the other hand, if you are the speaker and if you feel that others are not interested in your message, then, of course, you need to quickly round off.

In the case when there is a person among the audience who does not speak the language in which the general conversation is taking place, care must be taken to ensure that someone necessarily translates for him.

It is not customary to whisper in the company, it is perceived as an insult. If you need to say something important to someone, quietly retire.

During the conversation, do not engage in extraneous things, do not read, do not talk with a neighbor, do not play with any object, do not examine the ceiling, and do not look dreamily out the window. Such behavior is insulting. You need to be attentive to the interlocutor, look into his eyes, and not with an absent-minded, wandering look past him.

The conversation of cultured people excludes grimacing and active gestures. The one who swings his arms, pats the interlocutor on the shoulder, familiarly nudges him with his elbow or holds him by the sleeve, usually acts irritatingly.

If you see that your interlocutor is in a hurry, do not delay him to end the conversation. Someone who is busy or in the company of another person you do not know can only be distracted in an exceptional case.

If a new interlocutor joins the speakers, the essence of the conversation is explained to him in a few words so that he can take part in it. Approaching should not ask about the topic of conversation. In turn, his question is not answered sharply: “yes, it’s so simple” or “nothing special.” If they do not want to devote him to the content of the conversation, then they answer politely and briefly: “we talked about family matters” or “about work”, and so on. A tactful person will understand that in this situation he is an undesirable interlocutor.

In the presence of a third person who they do not want to initiate into a conversation, one should not use omissions, ambiguous expressions, it is better to change the subject.

It is impolite to talk at a long distance - through a table, a corridor, from the bottom landing of a staircase to address someone who is upstairs, shout across the street or from a window into the street, and so on. But it’s also not worth getting so close that you can feel the breath of another person.

Conversation:

"How to behave"

for grade 7

Spent teacher

Zakharova Natalya Vladimirovna

Rules of conduct for students at school:

I. Appearance of students

1. A student is obliged to come to school neatly (cleanly, neatly, not colorfully) dressed, and is obliged to have and change at school a change of shoes. Outdoor and outdoor shoes must be clean.

2. A student at school must be neatly and not defiantly combed (no haircut under “zero”, under “punk”, etc.) is allowed, have a clean handkerchief.

3. The student must monitor the cleanliness of the body, hands, teeth, nose, it is not allowed to utter abusive and obscene words and expressions.

4. When speaking with elders, the student should stand up. You can't keep your hands in your pockets. The transition to a free mode of communication is allowed with the permission of the teacher.

5. On ceremonial occasions, students' clothing should be appropriate for the moment. Boys and young men should be in light shirts, dark suits, dark low shoes, for young men over 14 years of age a tie is required. Girls and girls should be in dark tailored suits and light blouses, bright and provocative-looking jewelry and cosmetics are prohibited. Shoes - shoes with a small heel, matching the suit.

6. At the lessons of physical culture, choreography, technology, life safety, the clothes and shoes of students are regulated by special orders of the director.

For violation of p.p. 1-6 students can be sent home to put themselves in order, for violation of clause 7, students are called to the study unit to make a decision.

II. The arrival of students at school.

1. At the entrance to the school, students greet the duty administrator, teacher, comrades, wipe their feet, change their shoes and hand over outerwear and change of shoes to the cloakroom (students store shoes in special bags - bags)

2. In the locker room, students behave quietly, undress quickly, without stopping, games and fuss in the locker room are prohibited, visiting the locker room during the school day is allowed only in the presence of the attendant.

3. The appearance of the student is assessed when leaving the locker room by the duty teacher or administrator and makes demands on the students in accordance with paragraph 1 (1-6) of these rules.

4. All students are required to be in classrooms no later than five minutes before the start of classes.

5. Late students are registered by the duty administrator or teacher, receive a record of being late in the diary.

7. For violation of paragraphs. 1-2, 4 the class teacher applies the following measures of influence to the student: notification of parents; calling parents to school; referral to a conversation with a psychologist or social pedagogue of the school;

III. Requirements for students in the classroom

1. Students must prepare everything necessary for the lesson before the bell.

2. Students with a bell should immediately take their seats at the study tables.

3. When the teacher enters, the students stand up.

4. Before the start of the lesson, the attendants give the teacher a list of students who are absent from this lesson.

5. Late students are allowed to attend the lesson with the permission of the Deputy Director for Educational Work.

6. The teacher starts the lesson only if everything necessary for normal study work is available - chalk, a clean board, a rag is thoroughly washed and wrung out. The classroom must be clean and ventilated. Class attendants ensure such readiness for each lesson.

7. The student should not have anything superfluous on the study table. The list of what is needed at each lesson and at certain points in the lesson (for example, at independent work) is determined by the teacher.

8. When called for an answer, the student must stand up and go to the board. He must give the diary to the teacher for grading.

9. In some cases, the student can answer from a place, both standing and sitting. The order of the answer from the place is determined by the teacher.

10. Students who wish to answer or ask the teacher are required to raise their hand. In any other way, you cannot try to attract the attention of the teacher.

11. When answering, the student stands at the blackboard facing the class or, when answering from a seat, facing the teacher. Answering, the student speaks loudly, clearly, slowly. Write neatly and legibly on the board. When answering using a poster, map, diagram, etc. stands half-turned to the class, showing with a pointer what is needed, with his right or left hand, depending on the location of the visual material.

12. During the lesson, sitting at the study table, the student is obliged to monitor posture, positioning of the legs, tilt of the head. The student is obliged to follow the instructions of the teacher regarding the correct posture.

13. At the end of the lesson, students get up and, on the orders of the teacher, leave the classroom calmly.

14. Tips and cheating in the classroom are strictly prohibited.

15. A progress log is kept in the class. The person responsible for the journal is obliged to present it to the teacher at the beginning of the lesson and pick it up at the end of the lesson and wear it between lessons. At the end of the training session, the responsible person submits the journal to the training unit. The responsible person is responsible for the safety of the journal during training sessions. It is strictly forbidden for all other students to take a magazine, look at grades.

16. Violation of these rules by students during the lesson is recorded by the teacher in the diaries of violators.

Objectives: to tell about the rules of behavior for children and adolescents in public places; explore

History of etiquette.

Conversation flow:

I part

Rules of conduct for children and adolescents in public places.

1. Children and adolescents (under 16 years of age), while at school and on the street, in public institutions, in public transport, on an airplane, in shops, a cinema, a museum, an exhibition hall, a recreation park, camps, must:

1.1. Strictly observe the rules of conduct for students at school, traffic rules, internal regulations of state institutions established for visitors, comply with the requirements of the administration, maintenance personnel..

1.2. Take care of municipal and private property (do not dirty the walls in the entrances, elevators, stairwells, do not arrange games in the entrances, keep the streets, yard, entrance clean, show a kind attitude towards animals).

1.3. Follow the rules of etiquette: behave in such a way as not to cause inconvenience and trouble to others, be polite with elders, attentive, prudent to the elderly, small children, give them a seat in public transport, if necessary, provide assistance.

2. Children and adolescents are prohibited from:

2.1. Violate the peace and quiet of citizens from 23:00 to 07:00.

2.2. Intentionally inflict light bodily harm or battery.

2.3. Smoking in public places (schools, colleges, on their territory, in libraries, shops, at the entrances of residential buildings, in public transport)

2.4. Throw any objects from the balconies of multi-storey buildings, from the windows of houses and vehicles.

2.5. To use narcotic drugs without a doctor's prescription in public, office and utility rooms.

2.6. Dump garbage and other waste in undesignated places.

2.7. Break bushes and trees.

2.8. Sell ​​alcohol and cigarettes to minors.

2.9. Minors (under 16) to be on the street without adult supervision in winter no later than 21-00, in summer - no later than 22-00.

3. For an administrative violation committed by minors under 16 years of age, police officers draw up a report on the parents (or persons replacing them) and send it to the commission on juvenile affairs for consideration by administrative measures.

The idea of ​​a cultured person is associated not only with his education, success in work, knowledge and appearance, but also with his behavior. The most educated person cannot be considered cultured if he does not know the rules of behavior in public places, if he does not know how to behave, if he does not respect himself or the people around him.

And how often we are jarred by petty inattention, rudeness and harshness of tone, sweeping and rollicking behavior, vulgar speech, inability to behave in a public place or at home at the table, and many, many other manifestations of bad manners! We easily notice these shortcomings in others, but sometimes we don’t know how to control ourselves, how important it is to be a truly well-mannered, polite person.

To be polite is not only to know the rules of politeness, politeness distinguishes a truly cultured person, it expresses a good attitude and respect for people, the ability to take into account their conveniences and interests.

A polite person can be polite in different ways. You can not do things that are obviously unpleasant to others, and only: do not make noise, do not turn on the radio at full volume, do not talk with neighbors in the theater, do not push passers-by on the street or on the bus.

But it is even more important to actively show your desire to be polite - to give way to the elder, pick up the dropped object, tell the visitor how to get through the city. Carry out the old man. Behavioral manners serve as an outward expression of politeness.

Smartness, clarity in movements and gait, respect for other people's work and time, calmness in conversation, the ability to behave in a public place, at the table - all this indicates that a person has good manners. One should not be afraid of this word and think that "good manners" are prejudices that have gone into the realm of tradition.

When good manners express the inner culture of a person, then they have nothing in common either with philistine affectation, which makes a person ashamed of any natural movement, or with an ostentatious "aristocratic" gloss.

Many rules and manifestations of courtesy originated in ancient times, passed down from generation to generation, sometimes lost their original meaning (for example, bowing), but those of them that are marked by benevolence, reasonableness and convenience have become our property, our custom.

Our cultural behavior and attitude to the rules of conduct is the same as to the entire cultural heritage of the past - to accept everything that is the true achievement of mankind, everything that serves progress, everything that improves people's lives.

Being polite is not difficult, but it means a lot in communicating with people. No wonder the great Spanish writer Cervantes wrote: "Nothing costs us so cheaply and is not valued by people as dearly as politeness."

II part

Story

The term "etiquette" (from the French etiquette) means the form, demeanor, rules of courtesy and politeness adopted in a particular society. Etiquette is a combination of formal rules of conduct in predetermined situations with common sense, the rationality of the content embedded in them.

The word "etiquette" became common in the 17th century. Once, at a court reception during the reign of King Louis XIV of France, cards were handed out to guests listing some acceptable rules of conduct. From their French name, the word "etiquette" came from, and later it entered the languages ​​​​of many countries. Rules of conduct have been around for a very long time. As soon as people began to live together, there was a need for peaceful coexistence. So, in the "Odyssey" of Homer, in Egyptian and Roman manuscripts, the rules of good manners are already mentioned.

Relations between the sexes, superiors and subordinates, means of communication, reception of strangers were strictly regulated. Violation of these rules entailed exclusion from the social group. The ancient Greeks attached great importance to interstate relations, they actively developed diplomatic etiquette, creating a complex chain of necessary rituals there. Then came court etiquette. Each ruling dynasty created around itself a complex ceremony with a certain degree of solemnity. On the basis of court etiquette, general civil etiquette is formed only in a simpler form.

So, etiquette began to take shape in antiquity, but it was in the Middle Ages that it acquired the features that we know today. In the 11th century, a social system of chivalry arose, which subsequently spread throughout Europe. Chivalry had a huge impact on European etiquette, creating countless new rituals and ceremonies around the feudal aristocracy. Etiquette in Western Europe developed under the great influence of local national customs and traditions. Thus, etiquette is a very large and important part of human culture, morality, morality. It has been developed over many centuries. There is practically no people who would not make their contribution to the world treasury of etiquette.

Many modern rules of conduct originally had a completely different meaning when they appeared (as a rule, they originate from all kinds of rituals that permeated the life of an ancient person). Some etiquette norms of the past have changed in such a way that it is difficult to find their historical roots. Others simply disappeared, as the phenomena that gave rise to them disappeared, but, one way or another, all the accepted rituals of behavior left their mark on the development of etiquette. It is believed that modern etiquette inherits the best of the customs of the past, the traditions of behavior of all peoples. But! it should be remembered about the well-known relativity of the requirements of etiquette, they are not absolute: the conditions for their observance depend on the place, time, circumstances. It often happens that behavior that is not acceptable in one place and under some circumstances may be quite appropriate in other conditions.

Recall why a man should walk down the street to the left of a woman. Just two or three hundred years ago, men had the rule to carry a weapon on their left side - a saber, sword or dagger. So that this weapon does not hurt the woman, if she is nearby, they stood to the left of her. Now such a hindrance during the promenade with a lady is possible only among the military. But the custom, nevertheless, was preserved for everyone.

There are customs whose origin is almost impossible to find out. They are, as they say, passed from generation to generation. But if they are already preserved unchanged, then it is hardly worth challenging the folk wisdom, thanks to which they were preserved. The most honored guests are given seats in the middle of the table, next to or opposite the hosts. The owners always enter the house or apartment first, and then the guests, if they came together.

So, etiquette is a very large and important part of human culture, morality, morality. It has been developed over many centuries. There is practically no people who would not make their contribution to the world treasury of etiquette, albeit in accordance with their ideas of goodness, justice, humanity.

But even the most strict adherence to faceless patterns of behavior is not the root of truly correct behavior; the main thing is always a sincere, hospitable and kind attitude towards people. After all, if all the little things of etiquette are not supported by internal upbringing and high morality, then it is unlikely that etiquette will be of much use to people around us.

Rules of conduct in public places

Public places.Today, it is rare to see a picture when, standing near an open door, two people persuade each other: "Please come in" - "No, please, you go through." Usually, when we are let in front, we pass without undue ceremony. And, in principle, this is correct. Traditionally, the man lets the woman go first; the younger makes way for the older; subordinate to the boss. Of two people of equal age, occupying the same position, the one closest to the door passes first. If you brought a guest to the house. The hostess enters first, followed by the guest. If the host is a man, the guest enters first. Well, what if he doesn't know the way or it's dark outside the door? In this case, the host enters first, saying: "Let me take you" or: "Please, follow me." The same should be done if the guest is a woman.

Stairs. Previously, it was customary for a man, when climbing stairs with a woman, to go ahead of her without fail. At present, a slightly different order has been determined: it is expedient and therefore justified that a man strives to get ahead of a lady only in those cases when the stairs are dark, steep or shaky. If the circumstances are different, the woman comes first. When descending, the man goes first, followed by the woman. If someone politely makes way for you as they pass by, either bow slightly or say, "Thank you." If you are on a narrow staircase and an elderly person, a boss or a lady is walking towards you, you need to stop and take a small step to the side, letting the walker pass.

When a man and a woman walking in different directions collide on the stairs, the woman is not obliged to move away from the railing, even if this contradicts the “right-hand traffic” rule, the sides of the stairs with the railing are the privilege of the weaker sex, the elderly and children.

Elevators, escalators.An elevator is the same "public area" as a street or a staircase, here you can not take off your hat. In the elevator, as in any other place, we greet those whom we always greet. In a crowded public elevator, a man does not take off his hat, even if he accompanies a woman. In the elevator of a residential building or a residential type hotel, he will probably take off his hat when a woman enters, if his hands are not busy with packages.

In automatic elevators, a woman, if she is traveling without an escort, presses the desired button herself. A man in an elevator, if he is standing close to the panel, asks the others (especially women) which floor they need, and presses the buttons. In full elevators, well-mannered people step aside or step out for a while to allow those standing behind to get out.

In the elevators of the service buildings, the men stand aside, letting the woman in unless they are accompanying them. The man accompanying the woman gives her the first access to the escalator moving up. On occasion, he usually gets off the escalator first to help the woman if she stumbles.

Score. At the door of a store or institution, first let those leaving, and only then we enter ourselves, so you will not cause a “traffic jam” inside the premises. In large stores or other mass service establishments, a man may not take off his hat. However, where the client is served individually, it is useful not to forget to take off your hat and say hello to the one who will deal with you during the time. When making a purchase in a store, it is useful to remember not to tire the seller with petty whims or protracted indecision.

Approaching the checkout, you need to have at the ready the approximate amount of money needed for the purchase, and not look for them in your wallet or pockets at the last moment.

Cafes and restaurants.The man enters the restaurant first. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, in this way he protects his companion from unexpected collisions and warns her about the steps or the threshold, while not forgetting to hold the door and give the lady a hand. Secondly, on this basis, the head waiter has the right to conclude who is the initiator of coming to the restaurant, that is, he will place an order and pay the bill.

In the wardrobe, the man undresses and then helps the lady undress. Having chosen a table, the man, slightly pushing out a chair, helps the lady to sit down. If the lady comes without a companion, this gallant duty is assigned to the attendants. Never get into an argument with the waiter. The offer to leave the restaurant must come from the initiator of the meeting. The rules of etiquette do not allow the waiter to bring you a bill until you ask him to do so. But in no case do not demand a bill at a time when your guests or the lady are still eating - this is impolite towards them. Money, a credit or bonus card should be placed in a folder or on a tray along with the bill and left on the edge of the table. Tipping is a tradition in restaurants almost all over the world. The minimum tip is 10% of the bill.

Transport . Before entering the transport, give the opportunity to get out of it. Stand at the same time so as not to interfere with the exiting passengers. When traveling in public transport with a lady, a man enters after her, but goes out first and gives his hand to his companion. Usually everyone pays for the fare himself, but a man on his own initiative can pay for the fare of his good friend. Decency obliges him to give way to a tired mother with a small or infant child, a pregnant woman, an old man or an invalid, a woman with a heavy bag or a friend. In relation to young, healthy strangers, such a gesture is a voluntary courtesy. A woman who has been given a seat should immediately thank for this. A young girl may give way to an elderly relative. You should not talk loudly in transport, laugh, turn on music. It is absolutely unacceptable to be in transport with ice cream or an open bottle. You can not stand at the door, preventing the entry and exit of other passengers. If you cannot transfer the fare money or validate the ticket yourself, ask others to do this. It is indecent to look over your shoulder at a book, newspaper or magazine being read by another passenger. It is indecent to stare at your fellow travelers. In transport, you should try not to step on people's feet, not to lean on a person standing nearby, not to push him in the back. If one of the passengers accidentally hit another, you must apologize. When leaving the transport, the man must go first, and then help his companion.

Conversation

Boys or girls over the age of 18 should be addressed with "you". It is also important to control your voice, because it may well betray your well-being, mood, thoughts that you would like to hide. The speech should not be too loud, otherwise you may embarrass yourself.

Good tone requires that we avoid such conversations that are unpleasant to the interlocutor or that bring him down. To become a conversational ace, first of all, you need to learn a few rules: in a conversation, you need to avoid the noisy "I"; take into account the interests of others and hide their own identity. It is very indecent to speak to someone in a language unfamiliar to the rest of society. Courtesy and delicacy should be shown if a third opponent intervenes in your conversation, and the topic of conversation is purely intimate.

It is also important to control your voice (you can resort to the help of a specialist), because it may well betray your well-being, mood, thoughts that you would like to hide. In a state of stress, it is even harder to speak, rapid intermittent breathing, trembling in the voice interfere, so it is also important to control your breathing.

Think about how fast you speak. If yes, how clear? Clearly? Okay, but do you know how to properly pause in a conversation? Why are pauses needed? Everything is very simple - pauses are a sign of good breeding. Pauses should be long enough for your interlocutors to think about what was said. If your speech is slow and you don't pause in conversation, you run the risk of tiring your interlocutor. Every word in a conversation should be clear and understandable to the interlocutor.

In society, they talk about everything, but do not delve into questions, do not analyze any subject comprehensively, but argue briefly, but not superficially. You should not show that the conversation is boring or tiring for you, or that you would like to talk with others, you should not look the other way during a conversation or look at your watch, your hands should be in a calm state, it is not permissible to turn objects.

For society, there is nothing better than a good topic of conversation. Choose topics for conversation that are closer and more interesting to your interlocutor. If you are not familiar with society, then you should not start a conversation with strangers about those present, but it is better to observe and navigate in their relationships with each other.

The range of issues discussed can be wide, but it’s still better to talk about topics where you are “like a fish in water” - but this does not mean that you should tire your interlocutors with complaints about your health. In order for the conversation to turn out to be really interesting, meaningful and attract attention, you need to call on all your ingenuity and sense of humor to help.

Do not exaggerate or exalt your activities, your research, your possessions, do not brag about your circle of acquaintances - such phrases give the narrator the right to receive a certificate of dullness.

Remember that in any society, your behavior should be natural. Pretense is the enemy of any engaging conversation. In order to feel at ease and at ease when communicating with strangers, to start a conversation without effort and freely conduct it (and not just agree), some preparation is necessary.

What to talk about with a person unfamiliar when mutual silence becomes uncomfortable? That's right - the weather! This is a topic that interests everyone to one degree or another, it is safe and conflict-free. Uninteresting? It's right. But it is not necessary to immediately talk about something serious. This may seem pretentious.

In a conversation, it is better not to touch on personal problems, not to incline a partner to this, not to tell confidentially about yourself. When the topic of the weather is exhausted, you can talk, for example, about television, newspaper news, sports. In the end, there will definitely be a question that can captivate both interlocutors. You should be careful to use different variations of words from youth slang.

Dare to listen! Do you know how? But as? Be silent, looking at the interlocutor with “empty eyes”, which reflect your own worries. It's not like that at all! You should look at the interlocutor with interest and from time to time insert any comments that will be evidence that you understand what is being said. At a time when someone is talking to you, it is ugly to rummage through your bag, rummage through your own pockets, look at the TV, catch your image of heavenly beauty in the mirror opposite. If you have already heard the story once, it is better to immediately notice: “I know, I heard it,” than to interrupt it in mid-sentence impatiently. A polite person rarely interrupts someone else's story, even if he has heard it a good hundred times.

In a friendly discussion there is no place, for example, for such expressions as: “Not true!”, “What?!”, “You won’t understand!” After all, you can say the same thing in a different way: “But it seems to me that ...”, “Sorry, I didn’t hear ...”,

“I didn’t quite understand you…” An educated person rarely talks in society about his personal affairs, relationships at work, his children, ailments, worries, habits, tastes. Without special need, he will not share what he did in the morning.

Gossip is not the best way to make a positive impression. If you are forced to such a topic, it is better to answer: "I believe that this does not concern us." Often, interlocutors are occupied with discussing the appearance of acquaintances. Such conversations also do not decorate. Ignore gossip about you. Gossip, as soon as it is neglected,

Dies a natural death. Explanations and rebuttals "just in case" never justify themselves. After all, it often happens that you prove your case to a person who is not yet aware of a sensitive topic. However, what you said is involuntarily alarming, and it may be believed that something lies behind the rumor.

If the society has less than seven members, general conversation should be encouraged rather than individual conversations. Today it is difficult to divide the topics of conversation into "male" and "female". But sometimes ladies want to talk about fashions, and men want to talk about a new brand of car. Then it's worth splitting up. It is strongly not recommended to talk about dreams and forebodings, indulge in long memories of the past, and pronounce long monologues in society.

Performances with the same repertoire of anecdotes and "funny cases" tire even the most persistent listeners. Anecdotes should not be sprinkled, not allowing the audience to come to their senses. It is best to remember the anecdote to the place. It always makes it difficult to fully appreciate a witty anecdote with an explosion of inappropriate fun in the mouth of the narrator himself. How to respond to an inappropriate joke or faux pas? Nothing in such cases works better than a minute of general silence, which reigns after an unsuccessful statement. Then someone should start a conversation on another topic. If the “wit” endlessly tells or repeats jokes that confuse listeners, the owner should stop him: “It seems that you are not in good shape today.”

It is not recommended to abuse barbs in society. An unlucky smart guy who tries to show off with their help to the detriment of the “victims” chosen for this purpose usually makes a depressing impression. I emphasize that barbs often look naive and rather fix the general attention on the weaknesses of the “witty” himself.

Don't interrupt when someone is talking, especially if it's an older person. Don't correct someone else's mispronounced foreign word. You should not prompt the words to the narrator, finish the phrase for him, and, moreover, correct stylistic mistakes aloud.

In general, adults try not to make any comments. Young people among themselves can sometimes afford it, but only in a friendly manner.

Dangerous topic - age! In an older society, when talking about someone else, don't say "He's already old" or "Well, at that age." In general, you should not be interested in age. If a woman is told: “You are no longer young” (sometimes this happens), she can rightly answer: “But she is well brought up.” Public self-flagellation, constant complaints about failures and a hard life, about physical disabilities will not decorate you. Rarely attracts sympathy and a person who talks in society about his successes, high qualities, talents.

In society, one should not ask the partner for details of his illness if he briefly noticed that he was not feeling well or that he was in the hospital. You can politely insert: "Yes, this is unpleasant." If the partner wants, he will tell himself what worries him. If your friend says, "The wife is sick," don't ask, "What's wrong with her?" Better to ask: "Anything serious?"

Do not ask who earns how much. Do not ask for professional advice from a doctor or lawyer whom you accidentally met at a party, on the street or in transport. You will make a big faux pas by wishing a young lady, whose age is over 25, to get married. It is ugly to ask a friend why she did not get married, to be surprised at this, in general to make any hints on this subject.

In a company, a man is obliged to say courtesies to women, but at the same time you need to be correct and unobtrusive. The flow of awkward courtesies is best stopped as early and quietly as possible. “Sorry, I'm not in the mood for jokes”, “You are repeating yourself”, “Isn't it better to watch the program” - something like this is best answered in such cases. You need to speak calmly, quietly, but categorically enough, without going into a discussion. A compliment should be answered with a short “thank you”.

If someone refers to being busy, leaving early, or canceling an appointment, don't ask for a detailed explanation. If a reason is given to you, do not try to dissuade that it is not so important, do not give advice on how to overcome it, and even more so do not show with your whole appearance that you do not accept the weight of the argument mentioned.

behavior etiquette conversation conversation

Address and greeting

According to etiquette, you need to greet a person with the words: “Hello!” "Good morning!" "Good afternoon!" "Good evening!" During the greeting, you should not lower your eyes, you need to meet the gaze of the one you are greeting. But the inseparable alien look is felt by a person even if he sits sideways or with his back to you. Therefore, you should not “hypnotize” anyone. It is considered indecent to stare at a person when he is eating, to stop looking at unfamiliar women for a long time, to look at the person who is being introduced to you. Intonation is very important. Greeting in a rude or dry tone can offend the person you are greeting. Greet people in a warm and friendly manner. And the “added” smile to the greeting will improve the general mood. And do not forget about the bow, nod of the head, handshake, hug, kiss of the hand - choose any one based on the circumstances. Only the closest friends are referred to as "you".

To everyone else (to older people, to unfamiliar peers) they turn to “you”. It is not customary to greet through the threshold, through the table, through any partition. A handshake is a traditional, symbolic gesture of greeting. Give your hand in a free, confident gesture. The squeeze should be short.

But you should also not shake your partner’s hand with all your might, shaking it in the air several times. If you noticed a friend in the distance and if you noticed you, then you need to greet a friend with a nod of the head, a wave of the hand, a bow, a smile. You don't have to shout at the top of your voice! If you see a friend approaching you, you do not need to shout "hello!" from afar.

Wait until the distance between you is reduced to a few steps. Be sure to greet those people with whom you often meet, even if you do not know them, for example, with the seller of the nearest store, with the postman, neighbors from the entrance.

Telephone

The advantages of a mobile phone cannot be overestimated. And yet, in certain situations, he is able to create inconvenience, and even cause annoyance. With a phone in your pocket, you can be in a public place, in a restaurant, in a hairdresser; but in a cinema, in a theater, during a concert, it will be an undoubted hindrance - in such places you need to turn it off completely or turn on the vibration instead of the sound signal.

Prepared and conducted

Classroom teacher

7th grade

Zakharova N.V.

2011-2012 academic year.

Questionnaire for children

"Do you consider yourself a cultured person?"

Mark in this list with a "+" sign the actions that you consider decent, and with a "-" mark the actions that you consider indecent:

shout loudly;

fight;

be responsive to other people;

interrupt another person in a conversation;

ask inappropriate questions;

be truthful;

swear;

be greedy;

to be kind;

tell;

to be honest;

be inquisitive;

lie;

impose on friends;

do not pay attention if someone is offended;

keep silent if someone has done a bad deed;

be demanding of yourself;

be responsible for your actions;

be indifferent to someone else's misfortune.

Ask thoughtful questions. It only takes two to have a good conversation. For your part, do your best to keep the conversation interesting. To do this, you can ask questions, thanks to which your conversation will be relaxed.

• Ask questions that cannot be answered in one word. Instead of saying "Today is a wonderful day, isn't it?" ask "How are you planning to spend this wonderful day?" To the first question, the person may answer "yes" or "no", which may mean that the conversation has reached an impasse. Ask questions that your interlocutor cannot answer in one word.
• Ask questions that help you understand the other person's point of view. If you don't fully understand what your teenage daughter wants, you can say, “You said you lacked freedom, and I can see that you're upset about it. What can we do to find a way out that suits both you and dad and me?”

1. Learn to be an active listener. Being an active listener means taking an active part in the conversation, answering the interlocutor's questions and asking him your own. You can show that you are an active listener with gestures and words. If your interlocutor sees that you are listening carefully to him, he will feel that he is valued and respected, and this, in turn, is very important if you want to build an interesting conversation.

   • Show the interlocutor that you are interested in his words, using gestures and body language. Maintain eye contact while talking. Also, nod your head when appropriate.
   • In addition, you can use expressions that show you are interested in the conversation. You can just say, "How interesting!" Or you can say something like this: “I didn't know that. Can you tell me more about your feelings when you run a marathon?”
   • Another way to show that you are listening carefully to the interlocutor is to paraphrase his words. For example, you might say, “It's great that you decided to volunteer in this area. I can see you enjoy learning new things."
   • If you want to learn how to actively listen, remember that you need to listen carefully to what your interlocutor says and think about it. Instead of sitting and trying to formulate an answer, focus on what is being said and absorb the information.

2. Be sincere. When talking to a person, show your sincere interest in him. Perhaps you want to get to know your boss better. Most likely, your boss is a very busy person, and he does not have time for simple conversations. Instead of talking about something unimportant, choose a topic that will be appropriate for this occasion. If you are working on a project, you can ask your boss for advice on how to work with a client the right way. Be sincere and show that you value his opinion.

   • Perhaps your neighbor has a football team hanging on his house. You could sincerely say, “I noticed the flag on your house. Are you a Zenith fan? This is an easy way to start a conversation. As you get to know the person better, you can discuss other topics too.

3. Find something in common. If you want to be a good conversationalist, you need to learn to consider the interests of your interlocutor. Start a conversation with a topic that will bring you together. You may have to ask a few questions at the beginning to get in touch with your interlocutor, but this must be done in order to get a positive result.

   • Perhaps you are trying to get to know your sister-in-law better, but you realize that you are very different people. In this case, you can talk about a new TV show or book that you both watched or read. You may find common interests. If you still can't find common themes, talk about what everyone likes. For example, most people love to eat delicious food. Ask her what her favorite food is and keep talking about it.

4. Stay up to date with the latest news. Follow what is happening in the world. Thanks to this, you will be able to keep up the conversation if someone tries to talk to you about current events. Quickly scan the headlines every morning. Thanks to this, you can become a good conversationalist.

   • Another technique that will help you become a good conversationalist is to follow cultural news. A recently released book, movie, or album is a great conversation piece with friends, colleagues, or even random fellow travelers on the way to work.
   • Try to avoid controversial topics such as politics or religion if you don't want to cause an argument instead of a pleasant conversation.

5. Watch your body language. The way you hold and move makes a big difference in face-to-face communication. Eye contact is especially important. This will demonstrate your attention and involvement in the conversation.

   • Remember that eye contact does not mean that you have to continuously stare at the other person. Try to maintain eye contact approximately 50% of the time you speak and 70% of the time you listen.
   • You can use other non-verbal cues during a conversation. Nod your head to show that you understand what is being said, or smile when a positive reaction is required.
   • Also, one should not stand still, like a statue. Move (but not too abruptly or strangely, otherwise the interlocutor may feel awkward or even scared). No one forbids you to see cross-legged if you feel more comfortable, but in general, let your body language indicate that you are interested in talking to a person! Remember that gestures can speak louder than words.

6. Avoid being too candid. This may confuse you or your interlocutor. You will feel uncomfortable. Often we say something without thinking and almost immediately regret it. Excessive information can put both you and your interlocutor in an awkward position. To avoid being too outspoken, be on the lookout for situations that most often lead to it.

Rus.Delfi

Much in our life depends on whether we know how to behave correctly, how well we are brought up and how we observe etiquette. It is especially important to know the rules of politeness if we need to make a good impression on the interlocutor. For example, if you get a new job and come for an interview or you have a date with a person you like.

Often, the further impression of a person can depend on the first conversation, so today we decided to talk about how to behave during a conversation so that you don’t regret your behavior later, writes Passion.ru.

Meet & Greet

So, you are meeting with an interlocutor, what rules of etiquette should you remember?

• When greeting, the younger ones greet the elders first, men - women, and women greet men if they are much older. Acquaintance should also take place according to this rule.
• Regardless of gender and age, the one who enters the room is the first to say hello, and the one who leaves is the first to say goodbye, and not the one who remains.
• If there are several people in the room, then first of all you need to greet the owners or the chief in official position, then the rest.
• If a man is sitting, then greeting the incoming, he should get up (of course, if his age and health allow), the woman in this situation can continue to sit. However, if a lady is introduced to another lady, she must stand up. The owners of the house always get up to greet the guests.

Conversation

A conversation ensued, it is necessary to remember that:

Unfortunately, some movements, gestures can occur automatically or out of habit, and not always look beautiful. You should watch this and avoid the following:

• It's okay if you lightly touch your cheek, but if you lean completely on your chin, your interlocutor will think that you are bored or tired.
• If you lean on your hand, while your chin rests on your thumb, and your index finger is directed towards the temple, it looks from the outside, as if you do not really trust the interlocutor or evaluate him.
• Do not keep your palms clasped together, and do not cross your arms over your chest. With these gestures, you seem to close yourself off from the interlocutor, which can give you a distrust of him. Also, do not keep your hands behind your back.
• Don't scratch. Scratching your ear, neck, arm, and so on indicates that you are itching to speak your mind, or that you are tired and want to leave.
• Do not keep fingers, pencils or pens in your mouth. This looks ugly.
• In no case do not show gestures with your fingers, it may look vulgar, this is especially important if you are meeting with foreigners. For example, the Latin “V” (victory) in the West means “Victory”, while in Italians it is a sign of adultery. Without knowing these features, you can get into an unpleasant situation.

Speaking about the rules of conduct during a conversation, one cannot fail to mention telephone conversations, because even if the interlocutor does not see you, he hears you and can draw conclusions.

Some manage to speak in such a way that others have to strain their ears to make out their speech. Others speak very quickly, swallowing words and spraying saliva - such people are not easier to understand, plus it is also unpleasant.

An intelligent, well-mannered person speaks clearly, calmly and with restraint, does not raise his voice and does not stretch his vowels. The language is literary, and there are no slang words in the lexicon; intonations do not cut the ear, and he correctly emphasizes the words (look through the dictionary of Russian pronunciation and stress).

❧ Do not forget that there are two words, the pronunciation of which is a kind of test for the “education” of a Russian person. If you want to be considered educated, remember how to say these two words correctly: call, not call (we will call you when we get home), put, not lie (I put this book on the table).

❧ Be careful with foreign words too: use them when you know exactly their meaning and pronunciation. Do not laugh at the mistakes and blunders of others.

❧ Never interrupt the speaker: before you object, listen to the end of the phrase. And if they interrupt you, then do not try to shout down, but silently listen to objections: if you are talking with an ill-mannered person, then this must be taken into account.

Each person, no matter how bored, should have enough patience to listen to the end of the thought or story of the interlocutor.

❧ If you did not hear a question, then you should not ask in monosyllables “what?” or “huh?”, it would be more polite to say “sorry, I misheard”, or “I’m sorry, please repeat”, etc.

❧ Any abrupt question or answer sounds impolite, so avoid monosyllabic expressions like "yes", "no", "what?" etc.

❧ One should not start a heated argument with elders. In turn, the elders should give the youth the opportunity to speak and not interrupt.

❧ The topic of conversation in the company should be interesting for everyone. Such a common topic can be a conversation about politics, economics, a new video film, the weather. Girls can talk about fashion, cosmetic novelties, diets, fitness.

❧ Not everyone is able to speak simply, briefly and entertainingly, because not everyone has the gift of a storyteller. Therefore, young people, when they go out into the world, first need to learn how to answer questions and ask these questions themselves. Only after this science has been mastered can one proceed to the presentation of the whole plot.

❧ If you objectively assess your storytelling abilities as "very average" - do not despair. After all, you can become a grateful listener, and this is a very valuable quality. Believe me, people love to be listened to attentively, and they will call you a “great conversationalist” if you ask about life, successes and plans for the future.

❧ If you have already begun to play the role of a “grateful listener”, then play it to the end. This means that during the story you can’t wander absentmindedly along the walls or dreamily look out the window, as well as smile ambiguously, as if you doubt the veracity of the interlocutor’s words. Even if the story is not interesting, be patient and listen to it.

❧ In society, be careful with jokes and anecdotes. First, you can not repeat someone else's or old jokes, remember, "a joke repeated twice ceases to be funny"; secondly, they should not be vulgar; thirdly, they must be able to present them funny.

❧ A person who laughs alone at his own joke looks terrible, and everyone present smiles awkwardly, trying to save the day.

❧ If someone told an indecent joke in society, pretend that you did not hear anything or did not understand what was said.

What else can not be done in society?

You can not whisper - it is perceived as an insult; if you need to say something to someone, call this person quietly aside and be alone with him. In a company, you can’t discuss your own and other people’s illnesses, you can’t talk about yourself, brag about your talents and successes, as well as money and wealth, especially since all this clearly belongs not to you, but to your parents.

In a company, you can’t talk about your heart affairs and retell gossip, otherwise the time will come and you will hear something impartial about yourself.