How to let go of resentment and anger. How to let go of resentment and why it is important to do it: the most effective ways

Do you know that resentment can destroy your physical health?

It flares up spontaneously in response to criticism, insult, misunderstanding...

Every day you there are dozens of reasons to be offended relatives, friends, work colleagues.

You expect support, praise from them, and as a result you get something completely different.

Acute sense of injustice hurts you and at this very moment, resentment is right there. Words seem to get stuck in the throat, the heart shrinks.

Familiar feeling, isn't it?

Resentment can corrode you from the inside and deprive you of the joy of life.

Is it worth it to give offense such power over oneself?

If you still continue to be a prisoner of your own grievances, this article is for you.

9 steps to accept and let go of resentment

Let's see why you are offended and how to get rid of resentment. And most importantly, let's start acting together right now!

Set aside half an hour for yourself to be alone and think with a pencil in your hands over answers to simple questions.

Ready? Then let's start! First of all, let's find a reference point.

What is happening in your life now?

Answer yourself as honestly as possible:

How often do you get offended?
Who do you resent the most?
Recall a situation in which you were offended.
What got you hooked?
How did you feel about the offender?
What did you experience for yourself?
How often do you think back to this episode?
What emotions arise when you replay this event over and over again in your memory?
What further actions did the feeling of resentment lead you to?

Let's sum up some results:

In the situation that I remembered, you, for sure, didn't get what we expected!

From your point of view with you acted unfairly and at that moment you experienced mental and even physical pain.

Perhaps you wanted to prove the offender wrong and even punish him.

Returning mentally to that situation, you are more and more feel unhappy. Joy has disappeared from your life. Physical condition leaves much to be desired.

The conclusion suggests itself: the situations are different for everyone, and the result looks about the same.

Why are you offended from time to time?

Remember how little children behave when they don't get what they want?

Correctly!

They purse their lips, begin to cry loudly, stomp their feet.

Sometimes they turn away and show their reluctance to talk to the “offender” or throw words at the “offender”: You are bad!

It seems unsuitable for an adult to “stomp his feet”, but the essence of behavior at the moment of resentment is obvious. We all come from childhood!

And this mechanism works in each of us to one degree or another.

It is built into our subconscious and often gives out automatic reaction in the form of resentment. Almost everyone knows this feeling.

What is important for an adult to know about the dangers of resentment?

resentment don't disappear on their own. They have the ability to accumulate.

If we draw an analogy with a computer, then it looks something like this:

The site that you are viewing disappears from the computer screen after closing, BUT ... remains in the browsing history. And the computer sometimes refuses to work normally while the user won't clear history.

When the vessel with grievances overflows, your body also refuses to work normally and starts to falter in the form of scandals, poor health, pain in the physical body, mental emptiness.

Then your subconscious mind is able to pull out into the light of God a complete collection of your writings called “Resentment”. And you feel even more miserable.

The circle is closed...

How to break the vicious circle of resentment?

Step 1. Admit that you are playing

Admit to yourself right now that you played the children's game “I was offended, they didn’t understand me, they didn’t appreciate me” (you can continue the list) and your behavior reminds small child behavior although childhood is long gone.

Step 2. Admit that you are the author of your resentment.

Admit to yourself right now that you and only you are the author of his offense.

And if something hurts you in the behavior of another person, then try to figure out what it is. Look at it from the perspective of an adult.

Accept the fact that your abuser may have good reasons behave towards you exactly as it happened.

To do this, scroll through your memory of the moments that preceded your offense.

Look at yourself from the outside. Was everything there how did you imagine it.

An example from the life of a student at the Institute of Reincarnation:

“A long-standing resentment towards my parents was worked out when, when deciding to have an operation to remove my tonsils, they assured me that it would not hurt and I would easily endure it. But I was very hurt, and I was offended by my parents, because I thought that they should have told me the truth.

After reviewing the situation from above, with the eyes of my soul, I saw why I needed this situation, in order to understand how vulnerable our body is, that I need to take care of and love it.

I saw how my parents love me, how difficult it was for them, knowing the truth, to tell me that it does not hurt, but it for my own good, because otherwise I simply would not have agreed to the operation, but I needed it. ”

Step 4. Realize what happened

Remember the golden rule: never don't make decisions in a state of acute resentment.

Give yourself time to calm down a little, to realize what happened.

Step 5: Understand Your Expectations

Try to explain to yourself what did you expect from your interlocutor at that moment and why, in your opinion, should he have acted in this way?

For example, our student Anastasia Ya. found the following answer for herself:

“I found my childhood trauma, it is so small from the point of view of an adult, I painted the walls in the house, after the repair, the paint remained, such a beautiful blue, green and burgundy, I painted flowers, trees, a dog, and adults when they returned home of the guests, they began to scold me and put me in a corner.

And I found the answer in this lesson, that they love me even when they scold me, and you can do such bold deeds, it's not so scary! I still remember these beautiful, painted walls.”

Step 6. In any case, you should NOT be offended

Think, if what you heard in your address is NOT true, then should i be offended?

And if you heard the truth about yourself, it’s even more ridiculous to be offended!

Step 7. Let go of resentment

Don't hold grudges. They need to be released!

Otherwise, they can destroy your body. Mental aggression turns on. Thoughts in which you punish the offender deplete your immune and skeletal systems.

Therefore, entrust paper with your feelings, emotions, thoughts.

Imagine that you are writing a letter to your abuser and then burning it. The main thing, as they say, is to let off steam!

Step 8. Talk about yourself

Learn to Dialogue and tell the interlocutor how you feel at the moment. “I feel annoyed when you talk about it” instead of the phrase “You annoy me”, etc.

Step 9. Forgive the offender

Learn to forgive!

Shocking Facts About Forgiveness

Fact #1

Forgiveness the forgiver needs, that is, you, and NOT the offender.

The offender considers himself right and does not experience any unpleasant feelings from the fact that you do not forgive him.

It turns out that only you suffer. So you need forgiveness!

Fact #2

If there is no desire to forgive, then you should think what benefit do you get for myself, continuing to be offended.

For example, increased attention to my person, they sympathize with me, they pity me, etc.

Fact #3

Forgiveness does NOT mean justification offender.

The act of forgiveness in this case is NOT an attempt to return the situation or relationship to its previous state.

This is an act of your release.

Fact #4

Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person, it is only your decision.

That is why you can free yourself from resentment and forgive a person who is not around or even a dead person.

Fact #5

Forgiveness is NOT a feeling.

This is internal work process as a result of which there is a feeling of liberation and lightness.

Meditation Forgiveness

Right now I suggest you go short meditation “Forgiveness”.

Make sure no one disturbs you.

Share your results in the comments!

Congratulations! You correctly decided that resentment should not have power over you and launched the process of inner work.

Nine simple steps have shown you the direction in which you need to continue moving.

In meditation, you were filled with a sense of freedom and lightness, in which there is a person who is not burdened with a burden of grievances.

If you are ready to continue the path of knowing yourself, we will be glad to see you among the 1st year students of the Institute of Reincarnation.

Each of us, at least once in a lifetime, wondered how to get rid of resentment and never experience it again? Resentment is a very obsessive emotion, which sometimes overshadows the mind and makes you commit rash acts.

Even when an offended person realizes that emotions have taken over the mind, he does not always succeed in pulling himself together. Let's figure out where this destructive feeling comes from and what methods exist to overcome it?

What is resentment?

Every time you feel a wave of resentment and dark memories wash over you, imagine this episode. After a while, you will feel relief and calmness.

Resentment against mother and father - how not to let childhood trauma ruin your life?

Children's grievances are the most bitter and difficult. It is doubly difficult when the source of complexes and self-doubt is the actions of mom or dad.

An offended little child from the past, deprived of parental love and mutual understanding, will forever remain a part of you if you do not understand how to work through the offense.

Our tips will help you with this:

Try to understand them. Think calmly without judgment. Why did they treat you like this? Perhaps they were too young and inexperienced. Perhaps they did not have enough money to provide you with everything you need due to the difficult situation in the country. Or did they not have time because of the tireless work to provide for the family? Perhaps they themselves had and simply did not have life guidelines? Try to assess the situation from the outside, as if you were an outside adult observer.
If you can speak, don't be silent. Talk to your parents frankly. Tell us about something that has been eating you since childhood. It is possible that over the years, having become more reasonable and calmer, they themselves admit their guilt and ask you for forgiveness. Or you will discover those sides of the story that you did not know or could not understand because of your age. Give them a chance to explain everything!
Let them not change their mind. In addition to the words of forgiveness, you can hear new accusations, in the spirit of “we did everything we could for you, but you grew up so ungrateful!” Well, let them think so. Older people are mostly very conservative, and it is almost impossible to change their opinions. Accept that they won't change and forgive, even if you haven't been apologized to.
Learn to speak the same language with them. It happens that a critical and hysterical mother, from whose mouth unflattering comments and insults fly off about your appearance, work and lifestyle, actually loves you and wants the best. She tries to bring your life under the framework she understands. You shouldn't be offended by it. Listen to her point of view and try to convey your own without violating personal boundaries.
Allow yourself resentment. Children's grievances cause cognitive resonance - they are very painful and at the same time are perceived as something that should not have any meaning. Allow yourself to be offended and feel sorry for yourself as a minor. Imagine a dialogue with yourself from the past. Ask this kid to be strong and persistent despite all the hardships ahead and tell him about what dreams you managed to realize and how many interesting events he has to go through.
Do not let the feeling of childish resentment take over you. Remember your right to choose - you can learn from the past and try to live on, or you can take a huge load from psychological clamps, complexes and insecurities. Realize yourself today and understand that you are a very strong and mature person, since you were able to overcome all this. Now an adult, who manages his own life.

Childhood trauma interferes with the future

Psychosomatics of resentment - when not only the soul hurts

Are you wondering - why should I even forgive someone who hurt me? Isn't that what he wanted? Offend a person and not be punished for it? I'm going to follow him! On the contrary, if you allow destructive feelings to take over, you will be defeated both mentally and physically.

Offended is a vulnerable person who dooms himself to very real psychosomatic illnesses.

Psychosomatics is a direction in psychology that studies the influence of psychological factors on the appearance of bodily (somatic) diseases. A psychosomatic illness is an illness resulting from mental conditions.

To understand how resentment affects physical ailments, the Sinelnikov table will help:

Headache. Unspoken grievances, constant concealment of true emotions, communication with people who exert moral pressure causes nervous tension and, as a result, a headache.
Chronic runny nose. The disease of people who are forced to constantly overdo themselves and hold back the tears of resentment.
Coughing, as an unconscious, bodily attempt to attract attention. Reacting to an unspoken opinion that is contrary to others.
Angina. A sore throat, as after a loud cry, is the body's reaction to a person's inability to express their needs due to stiffness or tightness.
Nausea and vomiting. Rejection of the existing picture of the world, frightening or depressing circumstances.
Scabies/rash. Often occurs in people who lose control of too strong negative emotions of resentment, rage and anger.
kidney disease indicate a person who sees his own fault in everything. Perhaps he was constantly criticized, and he was used to seeing himself as the source of all troubles and problems.
Cystitis- a disease of women who do not express their dissatisfaction with a sexual partner.
Gallbladder disease- these are frequent companions of people who do not know how to forgive. By growing anger in yourself and thinking over plans for revenge, you can provoke stagnation of bile in the body.
Inflammatory diseases of the genital organs- this is a sure sign that a person is not sure of his own attractiveness in the eyes of a sexual partner.
Constipation- arises as a result of psychological constraint and uncertainty about one's own future. A person suffering from regular constipation holds on to what he no longer needs, fearing not to get comfortable in the unknown future. This disease is peculiar to conservatives.
Diarrhea. A strong sense of fear and self-doubt before an imminently approaching important event causes the intestines to get rid of the contents at an accelerated pace. This is a protective reflex due to nature. Since ancient times, a person felt safe in two cases - when he relieved himself and when he had a meal.
Hemorrhoids and anal fissures often cause a lot of inconvenience to people who have not been able to resolve the conflict of "fathers and children." They are shackled by children's unforgiven grievances and misunderstanding on the part of their parents.
cold on the lips- this is an unfulfilled desire to insult and verbally humiliate an opponent.

This is not a complete list of diseases of psychosomatic origin - there are innumerable of them. Understand that forgiveness is not a sign of weakness and spinelessness. This is getting rid of destructive relationships, moral burden and many physical problems.

What to do when you are very touchy and vulnerable? TOP 5 ways to deal with resentment

Awareness of the problem is the first step towards healing. This is a sure sign of your willingness to work on yourself. If you understand that you are quarreling with people even in those situations when they were not going to offend you, then it is time to change.

The following tips will help you deal with difficult feelings such as resentment.

Keep a diary to record your emotions. Record how your mood changes throughout the day and note what affects the swings. When someone or something offends you, record this fact on the same day, describing in detail what exactly you were annoyed about. After a while, you will be able to identify the main sources of irritation and separate far-fetched grievances from real ones.
Be aware that this affects your health. Scientists from Stanford University in the USA conducted a social study and found that people who healed chronic injuries and resentments (on their own or with the help of a psychotherapist) also got rid of migraines, back pain and insomnia.
Plan your day ahead. If you are constantly busy with your favorite work, hobbies and communication with nice people, then there is simply no time for resentment. Remove from your schedule all the "windows" during which you can remember old grievances and feel sad. But that doesn't mean you don't need to rest. If you want to watch an interesting series over a cup of coffee in the evening, put it into your schedule.
In a healthy body healthy mind. Get physical activity! It has been proven that sport perfectly relieves stress and releases the accumulated negative. It can be yoga, fitness or a morning run. Try it and you will see - being in a cheerful mood and you will not experience such a strong emotional stress.
Review your social circle. List on one sheet of all those people with whom it is pleasant and comfortable for you to communicate, who listens and supports you. On the other, those who cause irritation, embarrassment and are constantly trying to hurt you. Reduce communication with people from the second list to an acceptable minimum. If you think that this leaves you with too few social contacts, then think about where you can find friends with the same interests.

How to let go of the painful past and start living in the present?

Getting rid of chronic psychological trauma is often very difficult. They hang like a burden on the soul, make the traumatic experience replay in the head from time to time.

Letting go of the past and starting to move on will help you with the first 5 small steps:

Be aware of yourself here and now. Don't plan for the past. Don't try to rewrite the old history - it's impossible. Summarize what happened to you and start a new page in your life.
Understand that everyone has the right to make mistakes. If you understand that you have greatly offended someone and have been eating away at you from the inside for a long time, ask for forgiveness and admit your guilt, even if a lot of time has passed since the moment of wrongdoing. Find a way to contact the person and talk. If all contacts are lost, then switch to caring for others - give your warmth and love to someone who needs it. If they offended you, then understand that today's suffering will not change the situation in the past.
Stop regretting. You can endlessly blame yourself for spending time with the wrong person, working in the wrong place, or hanging out with the wrong company. Resentment at yourself for the mistakes of youth is an extremely destructive feeling that does not allow you to look at the situation sensibly. Accept what happened as an experience, thanks to which you will protect yourself from misconduct in the future.
Let your feelings out. If the pain of resentment is still fresh and strong - do not let negative emotions burn you from the inside - let them come out. Yell, cry, hit your pillow, or go for a run. Choose any method that will give you a sense of relief and cleansing.
Learn to enjoy yourself. Instead of regretting the difficult past, make sure that your present is comfortable, and the future causes a feeling of tremulous expectation, not anxiety. If you have wanted to try something for a long time, but did not dare, now is the time. Change your hairstyle, find your style of dress, sign up for a language course, or get into extreme sports. It helps a lot to change the situation in the house, replace boring furniture and declutter the closet. When the present is full of bright events and new impressions, there is no time for worrying about the past. .

Conclusion

The ability to forgive, even when a person has greatly offended you and it is easy to let go - this is the real strength of the spirit! It is not easy to develop it, but it is quite painful to live with a load of grievances. To stop being offended and - means to free your life from unnecessary experiences, stress and illness.

If you feel that you need help and support in your situation, I will be happy to help you in my programs and courses, as well as individual consultations. Your state, thoughts and feelings will radically change and be transformed. Anxiety and old programs will be replaced by a feeling of deep trust, love and happiness.
For the course schedule, please follow the link below:

With love and faith in you, Maria Shakti.

How to forgive an offense and let go of a person is a difficult question and a life situation for many people of different ages. Resentment is a feeling that prevents you from living and enjoying a harmonious relationship with your soulmate. Sometimes it can swallow you up, making you forget all the good things that happened between you. Often because of this, people quarrel so much that they disperse. How to prevent such an outcome of events?

Resentment is a negative that poisons a person from the inside

You do not know how to forgive the offense and let it go? You need to sort out your true feelings. If you really love a person or respect him, you should not waste time on such negative emotions!

In this state, anyone tunes in only to the negative.

They seem to burn a person from the inside, forcing him to look at the world around him through a veil of fog. Everything positive fades into the background, and you see in front of you only the reason that has become the main factor in the occurrence of resentment. But you need to drive it all away, because that way you will never be happy.

Resentment Analysis

To get rid of this feeling, you need to understand its causes.

There is a question: how to deal with resentment so that it does not interfere with building harmonious relationships? At the very beginning, you should analyze what caused such feelings.
Try to remember the situation in detail. It often turns out that the person offended you not as much as you thought. You can correct the situation in time by taking the first step towards reconciliation.

It also happens that the analysis will help you understand that it is you who are to blame for the conflict. Here it is necessary to act carefully, explaining to the person that you misunderstood each other.

Getting rid of anger

Do you feel a sense of anger overwhelm you? This is very dangerous, because such emotions bring you and those around you a lot of negativity. Here's how to deal with anger:

master the technique of deep breathing, as this will give you the opportunity to find spiritual harmony;
completely relax your muscles, which will make it possible to relieve anxiety and stress, which means it will save you from anger;
unleash your anger. You can find a quiet and secluded place to shake yourself like a dog after water. You can also write down your thoughts on paper to tear the leaf or burn it;
switch to something funny, such as watching a video on the Internet, to take your mind off the negativity;
listen to music that will relax you and completely calm you down.

Here's how to deal with resentment and anger without losing your valuable nerves. After such actions, anger will fade into the background, and you will be able to completely calm down and think about what to do next.

Recognizing that there is a problem is half the battle in solving it.

Getting rid of guilt

Another unpleasant situation is the feeling of guilt. If you offended any person, it will haunt you every day. Because of this, people often experience stress or depression, as guilt constantly presses on the subconscious.

You can get rid of it by following these tips:

never blame yourself for the fact that others did not react to your behavior in the way you would like;
do not mentally reproach yourself for any misconduct;
no need to feel guilty if people from your close circle do wrong;
“burn” the guilt by writing down all your main experiences on a piece of paper;
no need to constantly apologize to everyone, even if you are not guilty;
do not let yourself be manipulated, because in the event that you do not cope with the tasks, the feeling of guilt will return again.

These are simple tips to help you deal with negativity. You will feel free if everything works out.

How to learn to forgive and let go

Not everyone knows how to learn to forgive insults and let people go. But this is a valuable skill that will allow you to cope with many problems in life.

Have you been hurt by a loved one? You do not find a place for yourself from experiences? Then you need to forgive him, following these tips:

remember that resentment is a strong evil. You must realize that it must be destroyed in order to live happily;
negative motivation will also allow you to forgive a person faster. Think about what awaits you if you live with the experiences inside. Often this leads to illness, depression, loss of interest in life. It is better to forgive than to radically spoil your life;
Positive motivation will help to cope with the negative. Think about how your life would change if you were happy and carefree again. These are new acquaintances, cheerful meetings with friends, happy evenings with family;
if you do not know how to learn to forgive insults, eliminate the weakness in yourself that attracted them. Perhaps this is low self-esteem or problems at work. Try to correct these shortcomings in order to become a strong person who does not depend on everything bad;
be thankful for the lessons life teaches you. If you made a mistake that led to negativity, wind it around your mustache. In the future, you will no longer repeat such actions, which will make it much easier;
A sense of humor has always helped me out of situations like this. Make fun of yourself, accept criticism adequately, do not be offended by the sharp phrases of colleagues or acquaintances. Only in this case will everyone understand that it is useless to try to hurt your pride.

You have learned how to forgive an offense and let go of a loved one. Do not forget that it is impossible to keep anyone near you by force. It is better to part peacefully than to torment each other all your life. But it is necessary to part with a calm soul, in which there is no place for negativity.

How to deal with resentment and negative emotions

Negative emotions destroy a person's aura, as a result of which it becomes vulnerable to all sorts of factors. People who experience such feelings are prone to depression and stress.

You need to understand how to learn to forgive offenses psychology in order to feel great. In fact, it is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. You just need to cope with your emotions in order to get rid of all the negativity.

Negativity can accumulate for a long time, and then splash out at one moment.

Determine the source of irritation

At the very beginning, it is worth understanding what annoys you so much. Perhaps these are scattered things of her husband or an annoying work colleague. Never accumulate emotions in yourself, because sooner or later they will break out in a huge stream of claims and grievances.

If it is about your loved one who is doing something wrong, try to talk to him. The conversation should be calm and friendly. Explain why you don't like this or that behavior. In most cases, everything can be corrected without accumulating negative emotions inside yourself.

If you have been offended by a work colleague, then try to talk to him. If all fails, don't cross paths or keep meetings to a minimum. Do not accumulate resentment in yourself, because it will surely spill out with a stream of negative emotions.

understand the reason

To understand how to learn to forgive people and let go of resentment, understand yourself. Why are you offended by others? Maybe it's your low self-esteem? Are you unable to deal with your emotions?

You can find spiritual harmony with the help of breathing exercises or yoga. In practice, it has been proven that such activities calm and distract from negative emotions. If suddenly the negative has already settled inside you, it will soon stop bothering you, because its negative influence is eliminated.

How to deal with resentment and anger

People ask the question: how to deal with resentment and negative emotions quickly and effectively? There are tips that will give you the opportunity to feel much better:

stop feeling like a victim: instead of “I was offended,” say “I feel offended”;
look at yourself through the eyes of the offender and think whether everything is so smooth on your part, or whether you have also done something wrong in front of the person;
maybe you are missing something, which stimulates you to be angry. If so, then allow yourself to make up for what is missing in life;
tell yourself "Stop" because the feeling poisons from the inside. If you don't want to face stress or depression, try to manage your emotions right now;
calm down and think about how you feel at the moment, because it may turn out that this is not anger, but a banal lack of attention;
react to different situations calmly, and over time you will notice that the feeling of resentment is no longer inherent in you.

A big offense usually develops gradually from several small ones.

These are simple tips that will help you deal with resentment and anger. Do not waste your time on such negative emotions, as they will only harm you.

How to deal with resentment towards a man

Often women ask: how to deal with resentment against a man if I live with him under the same roof? Of course, such emotions can ruin a relationship in a matter of days.

When it comes to treason, not everyone is ready to forgive a loved one. In such a situation, you should understand that getting rid of the negative will benefit you, not him. Try to calm down completely and tune in to the best. Remember that it is very difficult to go through life with resentment. If you want to become happy and loved, drive away negative emotions in order to calmly let go of a man.

Women are the most touchy - they are real masters of this business.

You do not know how to forgive a person and free yourself from resentment if the situation is not so serious? Then a simple conversation can help you. Talk to your significant other so that she understands exactly what is bothering you. In practice, it has been proven that conversations often make it possible to get rid of all negative emotions!

How to stop being offended Who among us at least once in our lives has not asked this question! Sometimes we take offense at a person without even thinking about why and why. And resentment grows inside us, grows stronger, causes mental and physical suffering, and harms health. Studies show that a good half of the cases of the appearance of a malignant tumor are provoked by lingering resentment. So what to do to not only get rid of such a burden, but also to prevent its occurrence in the future?

Reasons for resentment

First of all, let's find out the reason for the appearance of resentment. The root of all troubles lies in self-doubt. We will not analyze now where it came from. Let's follow the chain. Lack of self-love and insecurity always go hand in hand. But after all, each of us really wants love and happiness! But since we do not consider ourselves capable of giving this, we shift this mission to people close to us. That is, we begin to associate certain expectations with them. And when a person for some reason does not justify them, we are seized with resentment and anger. He was given such an honor, given trust, and so on ...

Further more. We begin to cherish and cherish these emotions, constantly reinforcing them with new “evidence”. After all, the person will continue to not meet our expectations. As a result, we have a bunch of problems in life: illness, depression, dissatisfaction. And the list is far from complete!

Take responsibility

Do you want to get rid of all this? First of all, take responsibility for your life, destiny, happiness, love, luck, for everything that works or fails to do. Make this responsible decision once and for all. It is difficult, but possible - after all, the incentive is large enough. On one side of the scale is the hopelessness that you have now, and on the other - a life filled with meaning, joy and love. The choice is obvious.

And when you manage to take responsibility, one simple understanding will come: a person does not have to live up to your expectations. They are yours and only yours. And after realizing this fact, there will be nothing to be offended by.

This, by the way, is the most practical advice for women who sin with grievances against a man who is next to them. Stop torturing him and yourself. Sit down and figure out in yourself what is the root of your resentment. And if he does or says something that hurts you, tell him about it. Perhaps he just does not realize that he is hurting you, because. for him, such behavior is in the order of things. No loving man, having learned about the pain that he causes you, will not continue to act in the same spirit.

In general, in order to protect yourself from insults, you just need to learn how to talk about what you like and what you don’t; what brings joy, and what, on the contrary, upsets. No one, even the closest person, can read your thoughts. And the language was just given to man for communication.

How to let go of resentment?

If you see that someone hurts you on purpose, do not be offended and do not get angry. Have pity on him and let him out of your life. Why regret? Thus, he simply wins back on you for some of his failures and complexes. He is an unhappy person. Isn't that pitiable?

But this is what concerns today and the future quiet life. And what to do with the already accumulated cargo? There are several effective techniques on how to let go of the grievances of the past.

forgiveness meditation

One of them is meditation. There are many ways, choose any suitable. For example, like this:

Choose a time when no one will disturb you (evening is better). Turn on relaxing music, lie down on the bed, close your eyes and calm down. Then slowly go over in your head the people on whom you hold a grudge. And mentally say to yourself: “I forgive ... for something ...”. And so on, until you sort through all. If you feel like crying while meditating, don't hold back. Tears in this case cleanse. It may not help the first time. Then repeat the exercise every day until you feel that the burden of resentment has subsided.

How to let go of resentment towards your mother

And another important factor for getting rid of mental heaviness. In most cases, in order to shake it all off and start living anew, we need to get rid of resentment ... at our mother. In most cases, this applies to women. Although this also applies to men. An overbearing or quick-tempered mother is capable of inflicting such a childish insult on her child that he cannot cope with even becoming an adult.

A carelessly thrown word about the daughter's appearance can instill in her uncertainty and fear. And the child will not even know where the legs grow from.

Accept your mom for who she is. Do not swear at her, take for granted the fact that she cannot do otherwise. Act as a lawyer for her, forgive with all my heart. And live on.

We hope that after reading this article, you will decide for yourself to get rid of resentment and anger, giving yourself a chance for a different, happy life. We wish you this with all our heart!

Video on the topic of the article

How to get rid of resentment and forgive? In order to do this, you need to go through four steps. But before stepping through the levels, it is necessary to figure out what the offense itself is.

Resentment consists of different emotions - always from pain, anger, and also from any third feeling that is mixed in here according to the situation: shame, humiliation, guilt, chagrin, fear, helplessness. If we consider the offense from three sides, then these three components will always be present. Resentment arises when some of the values of a person that were implied are under threat.

Resentment is not such a simple experience:

"I expected my mother to always go out and take care of me when I needed it, and she didn't." When does the psychologist begin to clarify why and when the mother did not care? It turns out that a mother, a person who is indispensable for the growth and development of a personality, did not do this in the first place during the most difficult periods of childhood and adolescence. The lost value here is love in the parent-child relationship. Children sincerely believe that they have a right to love. It's almost an "innate" need. Being loved and accepted as a person, desired and respected is a recipe for happiness that you can rely on when it gets bad in adulthood. It is easy to break away from a warm and loving mother, because the child knows that there is reliable support behind him. But the mother did not support both then in the past, and when the daughter was in trouble. Helped strangers who did not care.

“I expected my husband to be understanding and supportive. After all, we were fine.” But the husband was unable to constantly withstand the emotional outbursts of his wife and left. No one knows where the limit of patience of another person and his willingness to be there ends.

Anger of resentment - how to get rid of resentment and anger

Anger of resentment usually arises from powerlessness and the inability to change anything. Anger is a good start to work on your feelings. It signals that there is a certain need that requires attention and satisfaction, and there is a moment that indicates that something unfair, bad for a person has happened in the situation. Anger gives strength, requires change and a solution to this problem. It mobilizes the forces of the body for struggle and decisive action. But far from always a person can defend himself, the fear of being active and claiming his rights, the fear of being humiliated and getting hurt even more, the fear of being rejected and getting confirmation that reality is stronger than desire interferes.

Dealing with anger and resentment.

The main thing is not to get hung up on the problem. Many people are unable to disconnect from the problem. They do not eat, do not sleep, but only think about what the person said or did and what to say in response to him. If this happens to you and you constantly get hung up on thoughts about the offender, then you need to learn how to put off solving the problem until you learn to relax and regain composure. Sometimes it may take not one day, but two or three, or even more, to solve one specific problem. Why not sleep now, not go to work, but only waste energy on fantasies in a completely useless way? For example. One woman wanted to understand why her beloved man constantly lies to her? She brought herself to such exhaustion that she began to sob uncontrollably at work, take sedatives, plunged into depression and still could not cope with the condition for six months. Then she turned to a psychologist.
Meditation, swimming, running - any active and passive ways that are at hand, are suitable for calming down, so long as your attention can switch to other things, and your mind is cleared of affect. Desires interfere with switching attention: “And I WANT it to be the way I WANT!”. Wanting is not bad, not wanting is bad. If you insist and still nothing works, then in this case it is easier to go and bang your head against the wall and finally accept the obvious fact that it hurts. So it is with desires that are difficult to satisfy - you need to accept the fact - it hurts, but there's nothing you can do and now you won't be able to satisfy them. It is important to look for other approaches and ways, and in order to solve this problem rationally, it is important to be in a sane state and reason rationally.

Pain of resentment

Pain is an open wound that constantly reminds of itself and is hard to live with. Any reminder of an insult - a phone call, a phrase on TV, a frame from a movie, a person on the street, no matter who or what, but even a fleeting touch with a word or action brings up a heap of memories. All of them, like crows, pierce the body. Pain responds with sadness or grief, grief or disappointment - after all, each insult has its own "degree" of temperature and the power of influence, its own taste. As if resentment is alive, like a person, and has its own character, so it causes pain in its own way.

In order to figure out how to get rid of resentment and forgive, we need to understand how traumatic the situation was and how much pain. In order to forgive, you first need to recover yourself, clear yourself of destructive thoughts. It will depend on the situation in which a person finds himself and what he had to give up, how quickly he can return what he has lost. You may have to come to terms with the loss.

From the story of one woman: “The husband and wife lived for almost twenty years, not to say that soul to soul, but good. We got along. They made plans for old age. Somehow the husband comes home from work and says that he has another and he goes to a snotty girl, the same age as his sons. Shame in front of relatives, friends, colleagues! Abandonment - did not love, then endured! What a blow to self-esteem! Who needs in old age? And the soul screams that it loves him! And it’s so heavy on the heart and such an insult - neither sleep nor eat! How to deal with all this?!”. And rises from the depths of the soul impotent anger. Saying "Come back to me" is not an option. All the same, a person will do as he pleases.

Work with pain should occur only in a conscious state:

Sometimes, in order to resolve the issue of how to get rid of resentment and forgive, it is necessary to heal a spiritual wound. To do this, it is important to restore the resources spent in the situation.
Try to focus on yourself. The first step in dealing with pain is restoring self-awareness. Some people are so afraid of pain that they are ready to endure exhausting mental stress for hours. They do not eat, do not sleep, lose their working capacity. Tension breaks the psyche like fingers break a match. If you choose tension, you may find yourself depressed very soon, which means you will lose self-confidence. Depression is characterized by the fact that you will need special help and medication very soon. You can lose your sense of self completely and acquire many bodily ailments. Tension is much more dangerous than mental pain. We are not broken by feelings, we are broken by tension.
So look at the body first. What is happening to you? Describe your bodily sensations. How do you feel your pain? Do you feel your fingers, hands, feet, body. Take the position that your pain dictates to you. What is this pose? Stay in it, feel it in detail. What do you want to do with this pose? Try to understand how you become in this state? What kind of care do you want? Describe the care you lack.
Now that you understand the main thing, think about how you can ensure this care for yourself? The meaning of this exercise is that you yourself are looking for those ways that will help you heal mental pain on your own. It could be tears. I want to cry, cry. Let the tension come out. If you want to eat chocolate, eat it. How else can you support your loved one or loved one?

The emotion that characterizes the situation is the third side of the triangle of resentment.

From the strength of the influence of the situation on the person in which the offense arose, one can speak of a slight injury or mental trauma. Situations according to the degree of influence on a person will be associated with life values, aspirations and goals, and will depend on significant and close people. After all, it is known that nothing can injure like an important and necessary person or the loss of something valuable. It is by no means certain that what has been lost can be restored. You can not return a husband who left the family for another woman. Get the love of a narcissistic mother who is only concerned with herself.

A person has different areas of life, with success in which he compares his self-esteem and determines self-worth by relationships with other people. Career, love, family, children, science, finance, leisure, friends. The more important the situation that is unfolding against a person, the stronger the pain will be. Trauma appears when a person sinks into complete impotence.

What is important to know:

lack of recognition by a group of people causes humiliation;

strong and dangerous opponent - fear;

breakup with a loved one - abandonment or guilt;

betrayal of friends - loneliness ... etc.

All these additional emotions only increase the pain and speak about the meaning of the situation in which it happened. If the recognition of colleagues was important to you, but you did not receive it, then you will feel unappreciated, humiliated or rejected. These emotions cause pain. If you have not been able to stand up for yourself, then the pain will cause anger. The most important thing is to understand what the meaning of expectations was for you and what needs to be done to restore self-respect.

The main meaning of resentment.

The main meaning of resentment is that when a person is faced with the destruction of his expectations, he experiences the pain of loss, and the inability to get what he wants brings impotent anger. It is impossible to force a mother to love a child or make her a slave to her desires. It is impossible to force another person to truly love if he does not want to or cannot.

In psychology, it is customary to say that resentment arises at the moment of frustration of expectations. And why should these expectations appear, if there are no reasons for the emergence of hopes? After all, we do not hope for something that is basically impossible. Hopes appear at the moment when there was either something good in the relationship, or there is the possibility of such an appearance (There is a mother and there is a child, why is there no love between them? How to fill the relationship space?), Or you really want to get what you didn’t have. For example, at the beginning of a relationship with a loved one, everything was fine - he cared, showed attention, was gentle, and then one tiny conflict brought all the relationships to naught. He closed himself off, stopped communicating and calling, and then he comes and says that he did not expect such behavior from the woman, that she behaved like an owner, etc. His only desire was to find the only one who would never arrange any conflicts and scenes. Are such expectations realistic?

Answer two questions: “What did you lose at that moment when you experienced an insult? What was that value?

Violated Expectations Cause Resentment

Expectations are closely related to ours. representations (an example of a psychologist's consultation) about what we want for ourselves. Wanting something for yourself is quite normal and normal. The only question is, how realistic are these expectations? Reality implies an orientation to what is right now in fact, without rose-colored glasses, fantasies and all sorts of probabilities. However, if you do nothing to achieve the goal, then there will be nowhere to get what you want. Learning to test your expectations means turning them into goals and objectives, testing the environment for the possibility of satisfying needs. If an adult daughter knows that her mother can only take care of herself and has done so all her life, then where can there be any hope of changing her behavior? Empty hopes arise when the daughter begins to compare the relationship between parents and children in her environment. Then there is pain and envy, because she could have been like that. However, the reality is that her hopes are not tested. Mother is still cold and busy with herself. Here it remains only to recognize that in this case the situation will never change. Recognize and reconcile. Understandable, hard to forgive. Better yet, talk to your mother directly. Sometimes such conversations can open the eyes of both mother and daughter to what is happening, and sometimes lead to a complete break. Dealing with anger and resentment and stabilizing the emotional state;

Work with the pain of resentment and the return of self-awareness;

Working with the third side of the triangle - awareness of the obstacles on your way to the goal;

Working with expectations and checking them for realism.

How to forgive an offense?

You can forgive an offense only when you have done all the previous steps: got rid of the anger of the offense, the pain of the offense, dealt with the obstacle and realized how realistic your expectations are. If you have done all these steps, but relief did not come, then somewhere along the way to solving the problem, a mistake was made.

Let's talk a little about the very concept of forgiveness. This concept came into use with us along with the Christian religion, in which you need to forgive and let go. The idea itself existed long before Christianity and is close to Buddhism and other more ancient religions. To forgive means to come to terms with what has already happened, in essence there is a need to let go of the past, to complete it. We can end all relationships with the past if we have tried to work through the problem completely in the present.

Thus, we went through all four steps together. If you want to deal with your feelings, practice, come to the training webinar, where, under the guidance of an experienced psychologist, for a very modest amount, you can do and work through much more material and quickly go to achieve your goals. There will be even more new and effective exercises at the training! Register for the webinar right below the article.

Sincerely, Maria Romantsova