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How to support a person in a difficult situation: what to say and how to behave? How to support a man in a difficult situation, what words to cheer him up? How to avoid making mistakes.

Even the strongest of us often need words of encouragement. Everyone has times when friendly participation is needed. This article contains words and ideas that will become an impulse to help you evaluate the current circumstances from a different point of view.

Unfortunately, we do not know how to speak words of support. Most of us exist in the fantasy worlds of social media or TV series, where everything is fine, cloudless, and without fail with a happy ending. But real life is far from ideal worlds.

If you need to support a person struggling with an illness, avoid worn out clichés. They are deprived of the human warmth that your counterpart needs so much.

So, words of support for the sick:

  • You can always count on me.
  • I'm sorry about what happened. I'm here to help.
  • I just want to remind you how strong/strong you are.
  • I believe in you.
  • Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself.
  • I have always admired/admired your talent for overcoming adversity with grace and humor.
  • All that we have left in the past, and what awaits us in the future - all this is immeasurably small compared to what is contained in the present ( Ralph Waldo Emerson).
  • What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the creator calls the butterfly ( Richard Bach).
  • The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears ( Beth Mende Connie).
  • Stars can only be seen when it's dark enough around Ralph Waldo Emerson).
  • Sleep, wealth and health must be interrupted so that we can truly enjoy them ( Johann Pavel Friedrich Richter).
  • With our grief and anxiety, we deprive our tomorrow of any opportunity to be. We just don't have the strength for him Corrie Ten Boom).
  • Your illness is just one chapter, but not the whole story.

Phrases and words to cheer up a man, a guy: a list



When communicating with a man, do not forget to add sugar to everything you say. And take the salt out of everything he tells you.

Try the following affirmations:

  • I love you today more than ever before.
  • Your decisions, hard work, loving and generous heart fill me with pride.
  • Even if we are not together, we will always be one team.
  • I'm happy that I have you.
  • You do so much for my happiness, let me support you.
  • I'll always be there for you. And I'll go where you lead me.
  • Being next to you is an honor for me.
  • I have learned a lot from you.
  • No matter what happens, I want to grow old by your side.
  • I think fate has big plans for me. That's why she gave me you.
  • Hard times don't matter as long as we're together.
  • Everything will be as it should be. Even if it's different.
  • Each finish is the start for something completely new.

Phrases and words to cheer up a girl, a woman: a list



Women are more emotional and more likely to need support. It is not necessary at this moment to criticize her or her actions.

Try to return the woman's wings:

  • If my every thought about you turned into a flower, you would be in the Garden of Eden.
  • You can't even imagine how much I appreciate you.
  • You are not alone, even when you think you are.
  • Thank you for being around.
  • I admire your talent to paint life with bright colors.
  • I admire the selfless love you give to the world.
  • You are the sunshine in my life.
  • Next to you, I feel loved, protected and understood. Thank you for this.
  • Fate knew that I would need support and support in this life and sent me you.
  • Your attitude towards me makes me become better than I am.

Phrases and words to cheer yourself up: a list



  • I am alone/on my own.
  • I am free / free to make decisions.
  • Any “minus” can always be turned into a “plus”.
  • I am the architect of my life. I lay the foundation and choose the filling.
  • I am above negative thoughts and low actions.
  • Everything that is happening to me now is happening for my ultimate benefit.
  • Although this period of my life is not the easiest, it is only a short segment of my life path.
  • The sun will rise tomorrow too. Despite everything.
  • Even in trouble, there is always something useful and important for you.

How to cheer up a man, a guy, a person with words who works hard and is tired at work?

Gender roles in the family are changing. Nevertheless, we live in a rather patriarchal society, where the man remains the main breadwinner in the family.

  • The basis, which is quite enough for happiness: sunlight, water, rest, air, physical activity. And it doesn't cost a dime. Think about it. Take a break. Be happy.
  • The world can wait. Do not rush. Recover.
  • Your hard work, loving and generous heart fills me with gratitude.
  • I don't think we would like to do much if we weren't tired ( Clive Staples Lewis).
  • Life is complicated. First you get tired of work, and then from the fact that it is not.
  • The road will be mastered by the walking one. We will walk our path together.
  • I really appreciate what you do for me (us).

How to cheer up a man, guy, person, girl in depression with words?



Depression is difficult to deal with alone. Simple but sincere words can change a lot. But there should be no pity in these words. Only love, support and understanding.

  • Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude to this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.
  • The most painful blows are dealt to us by life. That is why you need to learn to take a hit. I will study with you. Let's think about where we start.
  • My words may not lighten your burden, but I am here and you are not alone.
  • You are stronger and braver than you think, and more loved than you can imagine.
  • The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of others, but those who win battles we know nothing about.
  • No one is ever too old, too bad, too sick or too stupid to start over (Bikram Chowdhury).
  • Even if you stumbled and fell, you still moved forward.
  • No one can go back in time and rewrite the beginning of history. But anyone can change the current moment and change the final part of the story.

How to cheer up a man, a guy, a person, a girl during an illness with words?

  • I can't imagine what your next days (months) will be like, but I intend to be by your side all this time.
  • There is nothing wrong with being afraid. Being scared means you're ready to do something really brave - win.

At the beginning of the article you will find more affirmations on this topic.

If a person is upset: how to cheer him up? How to cheer up a friend with words?

  • I can't go through this for you. But I can live it with you. And together we can do everything.
  • Chaos and trouble precede great change.
  • Recall any unpleasant story that has bothered you recently. Does she still bother you?
  • Build a solid foundation of stones that throw ill-wishers at you.

Above in the text you will find many other interesting quotes, aphorisms and affirmations.

Video: How to help a friend if he is depressed? #6 // Psychology What?

Support is an important moment in everyone's life. When there is a person nearby who is able to lend a hand in difficult times, it is worth a lot. In a relationship between a man and a woman, one of the main components is how they help each other in life. Despite the fact that guys are considered the stronger sex, it is very important for them to have a reliable rear. A partner who knows how to support a man in a difficult situation, he will appreciate. This will be discussed in this article.

How to support a man in a difficult life situation?

If you see that a sad thought has fallen on the face of a loved one, he refuses to eat and prefers loneliness - troubles have happened in his life. And whatever character they may be - competent behavior of a loved one he needs now.

The strategy of your actions will depend on his temperament, but try to adhere to the following rules:

You can't solve other people's problems, but you can set the person in the right mood. When he is relaxed and calm, his thoughts line up in the right places.

How to do it from a distance?

Being far from your loved one, it is difficult to understand the situation, and this makes it hard for you. Knowing that he is in trouble and needs support, and you cannot be around, you begin to feel sad. But it's not right. More precisely, you will still be sad, it is wrong to show your excitement.

Sometimes at a distance you can bring more benefit to a person than being nearby. It all depends how and what you will say to him:

  1. If something out of the ordinary happened, the main thing is not to panic. Listen calmly and respond calmly and judiciously. By showing him your fright with intonation during a telephone conversation or in a letter, you reinforce his sadness, and speaking confidently, calm him down;
  2. You need to help him look at the situation from the outside, so try to describe the problem as you see it. Give a couple of positive arguments and suggest solutions;
  3. Some guys don't like to talk about their difficulties. In this case, even knowing about the troubles, you will talk on abstract topics. Tell us how you are doing, what you are going to do. Maybe he needs to forget now to relax.

And do not allow sarcasm, all sorts of jokes. When a person has emotions, he can misunderstand them, especially at a distance.

How to support a man when he feels bad?

The art of being a reliable girlfriend lies in the ability to raise male self-esteem in time. Studies have shown that in men, along with self-esteem, testosterone in the blood drops. And this is the most important hormone for them, it is responsible for strength and attraction, among other things.

At times when the level of this hormone decreases, divorces often occur, as the husband thinks that he is unable to carry his family or takes a mistress to raise his tone. But if he knows that they are waiting at home and believe in him, he will never leave such a woman.

So when your friend or husband is depressed, no matter what the occasion, take care of his self-esteem.

To do this, you need to be able to nourish his masculine principle:

  • Compliment him;
  • Praise, celebrate successes;
  • Create situations where he can express himself.

By helping him, you will help yourself. After all, when a husband has difficulties, he will pay little attention to you. In this situation, you can serve as a source of positive energy, which he will later return to you.

What mistakes should be avoided?

Wanting to help, girls often overdo it and resort to forbidden tricks. Provide for them, otherwise you risk aggravating his condition:

  • Distinguish between two concepts pity and kindness . There is no worse blow to his ego than pitiful glances and conversations. You can't imply that he's weak or powerless. The guy should know that he is considered strong and reliable, able to overcome difficulties. But it is necessary to caress a little - cook a delicious dinner, rub your back;
  • Don't try to be funny. Your loud laughter and jokes may seem inadequate and become annoying;
  • Don't be offended by his bad mood. Let him be silent, stay alone - do not press;
  • Don't force help. Yes, you want to be a faithful and reliable friend, but you don’t have to become a “clucking mom”. He is an adult, your “groaning” above the ear will give him a sense of inadequacy.

Of course, these rules are not suitable for everyone, someone needs to impose help, perhaps he is waiting for this. Therefore, be guided by the situation and temperament of the partner.

How to support a man in his endeavors?

A friend's success depends on your position. It can be difficult for a guy to believe in himself to the end, and you should become a tailwind for him. Much, of course, will not work. But when he does something and gives all the best - support is needed:

  • Believe in him. Show by words and behavior that you do not doubt his success;
  • If possible, invite friends;
  • Do not criticize in case of minor failures, try to get to the bottom of the matter and offer options for further actions;
  • Accompany him if necessary. Go to events together.

But in order not to explain for a long time, let's give an example of one athlete, he was engaged in triathlon. His wife, who prepared meals for him during the races, was present at all equipment change points at the competitions, and climbed the last kilometers uphill with him as an escort at one of the distances.

Phrases that can be effective

Use these phrases to bring a man out of a depressive stupor, raise his self-esteem and soften the situation:

  • Beloved, you are the best (smart, sexy, strong, unflappable, well done);
  • I'm proud of you;
  • I am calm next to you;
  • You're talented;
  • I believe in you;
  • You can do it;
  • I'm there, you can count on me;
  • You are not to blame;
  • I appreciate what you do.

When saying something to a partner, remember what he wants to see in you:

  • She listens to me, but does not judge;
  • Cares, but in moderation;
  • Talks but does not interrupt;
  • Near, but does not violate personal space;
  • Knows shortcomings and knows how not to notice them;
  • She trusts, will not check.

Of course, this is a variant of the ideal, it is impossible to be like that, because everyone has a different character. But you can follow some rules, especially when he needs help.

So, we tried to understand how to support a man in a difficult situation. It is not such an easy task to find the right words when a person is worried about something. But now it has become clear that sometimes it is better to be silent and show restraint, and sometimes it is necessary to act confidently.

Video about supporting men in difficult situations

In this video, psychoanalyst Tatyana Tolstova will tell you why you should not touch a man who is going through a crisis in life:

Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication ...

Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one has depression, and you don’t know what to say to him and how to help overcome this condition? It is very difficult to find the right words in such a situation, because a person may not react correctly and even inadequately. Below are the most powerful words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.

Phrases that make it clear that you are worried about a person:

What can I do for you?

All written sources describing this problem advise SHOW, not SAY. Words are not all that is helpful for a person struggling with depression.

So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to collect my thoughts is the arrival of my friend who came and prepared dinner for me, or someone's offer to clean up my place. Believe me, practical care is a very big support for a person who is facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and visit a man who has completely lost his mood?

Actions are very effective when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor also in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will put your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind you: "This person cares about me."

Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?

Talk to the person about something that once brought him joy, or about something new that could bring him. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to do it. Then you can give him this support and help him do something that will cheer him up.

Brew tea for him, be there, do not say too many words, arrange him for a confidential conversation.

Do you want me to accompany you?

Maybe a person has been used to being alone for a long time and did not even think about the fact that someone might be around at the time when you need to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Such actions will say more than just the words “I am near”, “I am with you”, “You can count on me”, because you are really nearby and you can really count on me!

Do you find support in someone?

These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."

Such a question will help to understand whether a person is surrounded by support from relatives or whether he is left to himself. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice support as such, then this will help you understand that it is important for a person, what helps him and what does not.

The more loved ones show such care, the better for the person. If you know that he feels lonely in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there during this difficult time.

You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of helping, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust it to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but quite correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.

It will definitely end and you will feel like before.

These words do not judge, impose or manipulate. They just give hope and that HOPE will keep the person alive, or at least motivate them to live until the next day to see if there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “It will pass”, “It happens and not like that”. Such words show that you really experience what is happening in a person’s life, wish him and sincerely believe that this will soon pass.

Make it clear that this is just a disease, a curable condition, after which there is a happy life. Everything will not end on such experiences and emotions.

What do you think about the most?

Such a question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most anxiety and occupies the person’s thoughts. You explore all the possible causes, but don't settle for just one. When through such a conversation a person draws his own conclusions, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.

Perhaps your loved one now really needs a person who knows how to listen and have the right questions for the conversation. Be gentle at this time and be prepared to listen more than talk, and even be silent at the right time.

What time of day is the most difficult for you?

Try to find out when your loved one's depressing thoughts are most disturbing and be as close as possible at this time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he does not want to talk, believe me, after a while this presence of yours will bring extraordinary results and healing.

Calling at the right time, willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, just being there is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit nearby and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult time - you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.

I'm here to help you.

This is what you can say in support of all the actions that you are already doing for a person. You should not throw such words if it is not so. But if it's true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.

Silence.

This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's the weather. But saying nothing... and just listening... is sometimes the best and most appropriate answer.

Be sensitive and attentive. Don't talk in vain. Be closer to a person's heart, it can understand even without words.

How can you be prepared to provide this kind of support?

Supporting someone in difficult times is not easy for the one who provides this support. First, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!

Stock up on patience and love in advance, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and will support and express care in every way possible for you, you can do it.

But it requires a certain amount of dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. For this you need to really love.

Help a person to find the meaning of life. If you yourself are confused in this matter, we can talk about it together with you. After all, there is nothing more important than the state of the human soul and the contribution that we can make to relationships.

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, there are situations when our relatives, close people or friends need support, because they experience strong emotional experiences. The normal and right desire of anyone in such a case would be the desire to help. But at such a delicate moment, it is important that it be correct and effective. To do this, you need to know how to behave so as not to harm and really support a person in difficult times.

  • Allow and help to express emotions. Strong emotions and feelings should not be suppressed, help to do everything so that the person expresses what is in his soul. It doesn't matter if it's grief or joy, resentment or disappointment. Until all emotions are thrown out, your interlocutor will not feel relief, and his condition will not improve. Sometimes a person can simply withdraw into the world of his experiences. Provoke him, piss him off, or, conversely, delicately start a conversation and watch for a reaction.
  • Offer your help. No one can restore peace of mind and harmony overnight, but everyone can help with real deeds. Therefore, offer something that can alleviate the serious condition of a person. For example, cleaning the house, preparing food, going to the store. Try to help regularly until the difficult stage is overcome.
  • Try to be around. It's no secret that at such moments a friend needs you more than ever. Stay with them for as long as you can afford. Try to eliminate the source of suffering or things that may remind you of it. You should not say banal common phrases from the series “everything will definitely be fine” or “wait, time heals”. Just show that this person is very important to you, how you appreciate, love and respect him.
  • Let the person talk. Show tolerance and patience, listening to everything that the interlocutor wants to tell you. Believe me, being the right and good listener is a special art. And, despite the fact that he will mainly speak, your reaction should express complete participation and understanding, as well as support.
  • Try to distract from sad thoughts. Try at least for a while to distract the person from the experiences or thoughts that prevent him from returning to normal life. Invite him to take a walk in the park, go to the cinema or theater, cafe, here you should rely on the tastes of a friend. However, remember the appropriateness, if a person in mourning do not invite him to entertainment events.
  • Give the right advice. If you successfully managed to pass the moment of emotional discharge and listening to experiences in the form of a monologue, the person cried enough and spoke out. The time has come to give advice, but not in a recommendatory form, but rather simply share your thoughts about the current situation and ways out of it. At such moments, you have an advantage in sobriety of mind and the ability to reason sensibly, without unnecessary emotions. By such behavior, you show genuine concern and concern for a loved one. And if he is suddenly wrong in his thoughts or actions, he cannot get himself together, it's time for him to carefully hint about this so that he is not mistaken.
  • Be forgiving and as patient as possible. In such difficult moments, you should not show anger, irritability, nervousness or temper. Think about the fact that a person in moments of spiritual discomfort, worries, negative thoughts is sometimes simply not able to control himself and control the situation.
  • Act on the moment. In the process of communication, you yourself will understand what else can help a friend. Each person is individual, relationships between people are also unique and do not lend themselves to standards or patterns.

What words of support can be said in difficult times?

Support words in difficult times, when a person is in a difficult emotional state, are no less important than actions. Psychologists say that words seem to connect you with reality, do not allow you to fall into the abyss of unrest. They give the feeling that you are not alone with the problem, that there is someone who understands, supports, shares the bitterness of experiences.

Probably there are no universal words of comfort and support for all people, but an attentive and caring attitude to the problems of one's neighbor is in itself a wonderful support. Do not think that these words are not important to the interlocutor, that he does not notice them and can do without them.

The best words of support will be sincere, coming from the heart and soul. If you are also experiencing bitterness, pain, worrying about a loved one, you should not say stereotyped phrases. Often they can not console, but, on the contrary, exacerbate suffering.

If your words do not come from the heart, you do not know how and what to say, just be silent. Believe me, if you force yourself to say something without sincerity and openness, it is incredibly felt and perceived as false and nothing more.

How to support a person when he is sick?

At the time of illness, any person needs care, attention and support of loved ones. To do this, it is important to show and make it clear how much you love him, how much you value him.

If the disease has disrupted your plans for work, leisure or personal life, explain that his condition will not become a burden for you, so that taking care of him is more important.

If the illness is not serious, cheer up the person in a comic form that you are waiting for his speedy recovery. Agree that after discharge you will go to your favorite or simply interesting place, for example, to a cafe or for a walk. Words that a sick colleague is missing at work are also great support. Try to spend as much time as possible with the patient, telling him about the news, ask his opinion or advice.

Come up with a joint activity or business that would bring pleasant emotions and joy to the patient, at the time of illness it is important not to feel lonely and unnecessary.

You can also distract the patient from the disease, creating a cozy atmosphere in the room where he is. If it's a hospital, bring things from home, a photo of your family, books, colorful pillows, or your favorite flower. If at home, just make a nice gift by showing care.

But how to support a person who suffers from a serious illness? Here it is worth simply to please the patient with trifles, maintaining a good mood and not letting him “give up”. He must know that tomorrow will definitely come and be better. Talk to them every day about the fact that he will be cured, perhaps, tell examples of people who successfully coped with the disease.

How to hold a loved one?

A special attitude should be shown when your soulmate or loved one is unpleasant. But to support in such a situation is not as easy as it seems, because your opinion about the problem may differ from the perception of your partner.

It is said that it is easier for men to understand how to comfort women. It is no secret that ladies are characterized by excessive emotionality, they love not only to talk in detail about situations, but also to express their feelings and experiences. Here, a man just needs to listen, carefully and sincerely. Psychologists note that the most common mistake of the stronger sex is that, having recognized the problem, they immediately look for its solution.

Alas, such tactics are erroneous, a woman needs to be pitied and reassured. And only after that try to solve the issue or understand how to do it right. Often, real action is not required, the opportunity to speak out, to get an understanding that they are ready to help you at any moment is more important for a woman.

If, in a couple, a difficult moment in a man’s life has come, a woman needs to gain wisdom and patience. Some guys perceive problems as new lessons and experience, while others perceive them as a collapse. There is only one rule here, do not try to find out more than your loved one is ready to tell. Sometimes the support of a man can manifest itself in the form of completely ignoring the problem, act as if nothing happened, try to please with little things.

And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

  • shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
  • phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. There may be pain in the stomach and a sensation of a lump in the throat. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
  • Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan one's activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less.
  • recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Should the person be comforted? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as much as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person does not listen to you or does not show attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not scream, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in comforting familiar and unfamiliar people? In fact, no. The only difference is that you know one person more than the other. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, involve in common activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.

shock phase

Your behavior:

  • Don't leave the person alone.
  • Gently touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he repel you? If repulsive - do not impose, but do not leave.
  • Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
  • Keep the casualty busy with simple activities, such as some sort of funeral arrangements.
  • Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim to simply speak out his feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

  • Talk about the past in past tense.
  • If you know the deceased, tell something nice about him.

Can't say:

  • “You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
  • “God’s will for everything” (helps only deeply believing people), “Was exhausted”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, because they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
  • “You are young, beautiful, you will get married / have a baby.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is invited to dream.
  • “Now, if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to her”, “Now, if I didn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.

Phase of suffering

Your behavior:

  • In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
  • Give the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
  • Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
  • If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with him to do it. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
  • If he shows anger, don't interfere.

Your words:

How to console a person: the right words

  • If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the realm of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings”. Talk about how you feel.
  • Tell me that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
  • Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

Can't say:

  • “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
  • "And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, parting, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

It makes no sense to tell the victim: “If you need help, contact / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes it has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to be intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he does not answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or e-mail. Express condolences, report your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss touched you too, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less loss to your own mental state. And it will also save you from feelings of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not, brushing aside other people's troubles and problems.