How to come to terms with loneliness: psychological techniques and methods, expert advice. Best ways to deal with loneliness How to deal with loneliness for life

When a person feels lonely for a long time, he may experience health problems. Therefore, brushing aside the feelings that arise about this is not the best way out of this situation. It is better to deal with this problem once and for all so that it no longer has a negative impact on your life.

How to accept and deal with loneliness

Often people believe that only those who are alone, those who have no family, friends, relatives, can be lonely. In fact, this is just a feeling, sometimes not reflecting reality. After all, people are lonely among people, and being married, and having children.

If you do not know how to cope with this feeling, it is very difficult to return the joy to life again. To do this, it is important to understand what reason or events made you feel lonely. Perhaps due to lack of support, misunderstanding, indifference, isolation, a person believes that no one needs him, that he is not important to anyone.

You can make sure that this is not the case by joining a community of volunteers who help homeless animals, save nature, plant trees, collect garbage, put out fires, hold events and lessons of kindness, visit orphans, help people with disabilities opportunities, children and adults with serious illnesses.

In any city there are people whose kindness extends to all the disadvantaged and needy. They can be found using social networks, today there are many groups in which people communicate and solve various problems together. Someone helps them from afar, living in another city or village, someone joins them personally, where they meet new people for whom mercy, compassion and sympathy are not an empty phrase, but a way of life.

And then a person immediately feels that in fact he is very needed and important, it is only necessary to make a little effort to look around the world in search of those who need his help. Pets are saved from loneliness, especially those picked up on the street or taken in a shelter. A cat will give so much love and warmth that will help heal all wounds, and a dog will teach you a healthy lifestyle and increase your chances of meeting fellow dog lovers, among whom there may be a person who will become your companion if you are still free and not in love.

It is also important to realize that lack of privacy negatively affects mental health. People who are constantly running somewhere, suffering from loneliness, being afraid of it, all the time trying to fill their day with something, will someday overwhelm their soul with a mass of negative emotions and impressions, and all this, after an insignificant event, will fall on them and those who nearby at this moment, like an avalanche, destroying everything in its path.

It is dangerous when people cannot or do not want to be alone, afraid to look into their souls and put things in order there. It is for this reason that some people often create such discomfort in their souls from resentment, disappointment, claims, unfulfilled desires, that at one fine moment they break down.

The wife, who was silent and endured, trying not to think about what did not suit her in her husband, pretending that everything was fine, did not think so deep in her soul, and after a while she comes to the realization that she remains misunderstood, unheard. At the same time, her husband can be a very good person, but how can he hear her when she does not say anything, does not express anything. And if he is a soulless tyrant at all, then it is not surprising that she did not want to be alone with herself, just not to face the truth and not be in a situation where she had to decide what to do with her life.

And in such situations, loneliness is often perceived as a threat to an established life, although there is nothing good in it. Therefore, it is very important to understand that one cannot turn the soul into a sewer, where all the negative and discontent accumulates. Loneliness allows you to deal with what is happening in life and in time to free the soul from the accumulated deposits for some time. Therefore, for those who understand what threatens the constant desire to be in the thick of things, it is a real salvation, which gives you the opportunity to protect yourself and adjust your life path in time, make an important decision and take the first step towards your dream.

How to survive loneliness

If you feel lonely, think about what opportunities this opens up for you. You can put things in order in your soul, make sure that everything is fine with you. Determine what goals you have and how relevant they are. Choose the dream that you want to fulfill the most and develop a plan for its implementation. There is not enough knowledge, so look for them, the whole world is in front of you, you just have to go online. Analyze what you have learned, try to apply it to your life and make a plan for how you can get what you want. Break it down into several stages, and proceed with the implementation of the very first.
Participation in important social projects that change life around for the better helps you realize your importance, feel self-sufficient, understand that there are more kind people, and some of them will definitely want to communicate with you, and rude people and unpleasant personalities can always be avoided .
A person for whom someone else's pain and grief is not an empty phrase cannot be lonely, he can be confused and not yet see his own path. But it is the feeling of loneliness that becomes a signal that it is time to look at your life and think about whether you are doing everything that is important to you. Are all your dreams fulfilled? Have you chosen the path that you wanted and which brings joy?
Think about your hobbies, try to find out if there are people where you live who are also interested in this. And if you want to learn something, look for courses where you will definitely find like-minded people with whom you will have something to talk about. They can become good friends for you.

Are you worried that an uninteresting interlocutor? In vain. If you know how to listen, are sincerely interested in what the other is saying, believe me, you will not go unnoticed. In addition, as psychologists say, people are more fixated on themselves, their mistakes, so they don’t notice much at all. Those who scoff at others by carefully watching them are ill-mannered and unhappy people, the sooner you realize that this person is like that, the sooner you exclude him from the list of those with whom you should associate. And you don't have to take everything personally. A person misbehaves because he is bad, not you. More self-confidence.
Suffering from loneliness in your personal life, think about how you can expand your social circle to meet the right man.
Change your attitude towards loneliness. Accept it not with hostility, but try to look at it from the other side. Stop taking it as a punishment, as a sign of your worthlessness, isolation from the world. After all, at some point it is important for everyone to be alone with themselves in order to analyze thoughts, feelings, emotions, live them, experience something and let go.
Thanks to the fact that you are left alone with yourself, there is no need to rush anywhere. You can finally read an interesting book that, who knows, will change your life, or you can visit an exhibition, a museum, go to a park, join charities or pay attention to them online, spreading the word among online acquaintances about their activities.
Realize that loneliness is your chance to finally understand yourself, to understand what you really like, what you would like to do, or vice versa, to understand that you are really on the right track, no matter who tries to convince you otherwise, to be happy this and evaluate their achievements, instead of criticizing themselves.

Don't be afraid to feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with that. This is just a moment in your life when it's time to figure out what is important for you in life, what you really want to do. This is an opportunity to be alone with yourself and analyze your path, dreams and aspirations. Many live their lives, eventually realizing that they have lived someone else's life. Because they ran away, hid and tried with all their might to get rid of the loneliness that scared them. They could not realize that this is a chance to get to know themselves better in time, to understand their true desires, to find and set foot on the path that will make them happy, so that it would not be insulting and painful that life was wasted in pursuit of something that was completely unnecessary. .

Very few people are able to truly enjoy loneliness - as a rule, most of us are weighed down by this state. However, there are ways to help deal with these feelings.

Almost all people are afraid to be alone, and this is absolutely normal, since a person lives in society. Experiences about the life of a hermit make even children think. With age, anxiety increases and turns into fear. Any thought of loneliness often terrifies us. It is these feelings that push people to commit rash acts. For example, a woman can marry someone she doesn't even like very much, just to start a family. However, men can do the same.

Under what circumstances can a person feel lonely

People who do not like to communicate with others are very rarely afraid of being alone, they have no need to build relationships with others. Most often, they have enough correspondence with a person who lives in another country, or rare meetings with almost their only friend. If you have a lot of friends and like to spend time with them often, then most likely you are worried about how you will feel when this is all over. In fact, this fear exists only in the head of a person, and in fact, he does not threaten to be cut off from society.

Under what circumstances do we feel alone? Most often, the thought that you were left completely alone comes after the loss of someone close. It can be like parting with a loved one or just a quarrel. At such moments, it is important to remember that your position is temporary, and soon you will either restore relationships or start new ones. It is much more difficult to overcome the fear of being hurt again and learn to trust.

Also, you may feel lonely after a major change, such as moving or changing jobs, when you lose a strong connection with people you love.

How to tell if you are truly lonely

There are far fewer truly lonely people than those who consider themselves so. The fact is that we often look at our own life drunk, that is, under the influence of emotions. It happens that a person only thinks that no one needs him, and none of his acquaintances wants to keep in touch with him. In fact, everything may not be so.

To understand this issue, you need to spend a lot of time on introspection. Try to calm down and think about whether there is at least one person in your environment to whom you can tell what is going on in your heart. It is also possible, on the contrary, that someone opens up in front of you. If you can be sincere in the presence of someone, then you are no longer alone. And if your friend or acquaintance pours out his soul before you, then he trusts you, which means that you are dear to him. Also, try to test your thoughts and assumptions. There may be many more people who want to take care of your emotional experiences than you imagine.

4 stages of loneliness

In turn, there are different types of loneliness. Everyone goes through a period in their life when they are all alone, but the situation soon changes. This is temporary loneliness. Everything is much more complicated if a person cannot establish any kind of relationship with others for a long time. Also, loneliness can be divided into several stages.

1. There is no loved one and family

The first conditional stage of loneliness is the loss of a beloved girl and family. This situation happens in almost everyone's life. After parting, a person can close in on himself, and ruin relationships with all loved ones, including family. In fact, loneliness at this stage is quite easy to get rid of. Remember that your whole life connects you with your family, and almost any disagreement can be settled. If, on the contrary, you cannot forgive your family for something, try to remember something good that was done for you. Try to analyze the positive aspects of your parents, spouse or other relatives so that they outweigh the negative ones.

As for the loss of a loved one, parting is much more difficult to survive. Most likely, you feel betrayed, and you no longer want to trust anyone. First of all, try to make sure that you do not have time to think about your ex-lover at all. Immerse yourself in work or sports, find a new hobby. After some time, try starting a new relationship. Try to spend a lot of time with the company so that loneliness does not pass into the second stage.

2. No family or friends

After a person loses a loved one and family, as well as withdraws into himself and refuses to solve problems, he begins to lose friends. This is the second stage of loneliness. If you understand that you are currently at this stage, then do not rush to get scared and despair, but take the situation into your own hands.

Realize that your friends are becoming fewer, not because they have become uninteresting in you because of your problems, but because you yourself neglect them. When you refuse to contact them, or do not want to spend time together, friends begin to feel resentment, betrayal.

Remember that they are not to blame for what happened to you, and therefore should not suffer because of it. There is a way out of their situation, and it is very simple. You should pay more attention to friends, and perhaps ask for forgiveness for your behavior. Then you will not only restore relationships, but also get help in solving other problems.

3. There is no one close at all

After you have lost your family, girlfriend or wife, friends, you may start to turn away from yourself and other loved ones that you have left. You will no longer be able to communicate with colleagues, which means you will be alone in another area of your life. At this stage, you will most likely want to get rid of loneliness, but it will be difficult for you to find a common language with others. Still, the best way to get life back on track is to spend time with the company. Try to make new acquaintances. Sign up for some group courses where you can communicate with people in a relaxed atmosphere. Also, you can meet someone from your city online. However, remember that you definitely need to get to know your pen friend in reality, and you should not delay this moment.

4. You are completely cut off from society.

Unfortunately, the fear of rejection prevents a person from getting rid of loneliness. After a certain time, he remains absolutely alone. Some of the people who are in this stage of loneliness refuse to go outside for years. They are in contact only with sellers in stores, or with couriers. Perhaps some of them like this lifestyle, but remember, everything can always be changed. If you feel like you can't just find a friend on the street or online, make an appointment with a psychologist.

If you're really lonely

If you have been suffering from loneliness for a long time, then most likely you blame yourself for your situation. Accordingly, you have poor self-esteem, and you also see ill-wishers in the people around you. First of all, you must understand that if a person has no friends or relatives, then this does not mean at all that something is wrong with him. You can always find someone close in spirit, just get out of the house more often, develop, and then you will seem to others a very interesting and versatile person. Also, you should not only make new acquaintances, but also try to renew old relationships. Most likely, you will be able to become friends again with a former classmate or classmate.

How to deal with feelings of loneliness

If in fact there are a lot of people around you, both close and not, but at the same time the feeling of loneliness does not leave you

If there are always a lot of people around you, but none of them is your friend, support and support, then most likely you simply don’t let others around you. That is, you yourself cannot be sincere with them, and also do not allow them to open up. Try to remind yourself that even if someone hurt you in the past, they are not in your life now. Most likely, right now next to you is that girl who will never hurt, as well as a friend who will support you. Relationships with people are always a risk, but it is almost always justified.

How to deal with loneliness and is it worth it at all

Of course, being alone isn't always bad. You can try to come to terms with your situation or change the situation. To decide for yourself which position to choose, you need to weigh all the pros and cons of living alone, and then decide which type of life suits you personally.

Few people know that loneliness negatively affects health. Hermits almost always suffer from alcoholism. In addition, they overeat or vice versa, forget to eat normally, and also smoke. There are also problems with the nervous system, since all feelings and emotions remain unexpressed, and oppress a person. Because of this, singles are constantly depressed. Also, his self-esteem drops sharply, and distrust of others also increases.

On the other hand, loneliness allows a person to analyze himself, his worldview. Many hermits go to the mountains or other remote areas to find harmony in themselves, to meditate. Also, the life of a loner allows you to take a break from the fast pace of life in the world. Some people associate loneliness with fresh air. It is during this period of life that a person begins to truly understand what personal space is, and also learns to appreciate it.

Psychologist's advice: how to overcome depression amid loneliness

Many people believe that they can overcome long-term depression if they communicate a lot with others. This is true, but there is a small condition. Support from the outside is definitely needed, but it is also necessary that a person suffering from loneliness began to change his inner world. Start with your own thoughts, analyze them. Once you realize that your thoughts are only depressing at the moment, stop them. Try to think positively and it will soon become a habit. Also, step by step, start solving your problems, you can ask your loved ones for help in this. Also start talking to a psychologist. To get started, set up face-to-face meetings, and later try to attend group sessions where you can make friends and perhaps get rid of loneliness forever.

The feeling of loneliness arose at least once in a lifetime in every person. Someone benefits from this state, while someone, on the contrary, suffers and suffers from it. Is there a way to help deal with loneliness? There are many answers to this question, which we will discuss later.

The most common is female loneliness. Any girl takes this condition hard and may even experience an inferiority complex because of it. Although, there are also ladies who, on the contrary, choose a lonely life quite consciously and do not suffer from it at all.

How to deal with loneliness for a woman? To make everything much easier, you need to realize all the advantages of this state and take care of your own appearance or career.

Single men are much less common than single girls. Usually these are inveterate bachelors who are convinced of all the advantages of their own freedom. But there are also such representatives of the stronger sex, whom the state of loneliness depresses. How to come to terms with loneliness for such men? According to the advice of psychologists, you just need to enjoy life. Attend various events, make repairs in the apartment, go on a trip, and life will sparkle with new colors.

Of course, it is much more difficult to come to terms with such a state as loneliness for life. But it also has its advantages. Although there are also many disadvantages in this case.

Pros and cons of loneliness

How to deal with complete loneliness? First of all, don't despair. Loneliness has many positive aspects. Imagine for yourself: you come home, no one makes scandals for you. You can not be scattered on family problems and devote yourself to moving up the career ladder. No one will be indignant at the fact that you came late or spent little time on your partner. The advantage of loneliness is that you are completely on your own. You devote all your free time to what you really like. You achieve professional success, educate yourself, travel, spend money only on your own needs and can always be alone with your thoughts.

If you are single now, try to make the most of this state and in no case despair. Loneliness is temporary - remember that. Life is fun and exciting. Behind every turn of fate you are waiting for new meetings and acquaintances, new friends and loved ones. Time will pass, and you will no longer be alone: somewhere very close is a person close to you in spirit, and you will definitely get to know him soon.

When a person feels lonely for a long time, he may experience health problems. Therefore, brushing aside the feelings that arise about this is not the best way out of this situation. It is better to deal with the problem once and for all and cope with loneliness so that this condition no longer has a negative impact on your life.

Often people believe that only those people who are alone suffer from loneliness, those who have no family, friends, relatives. In fact, this is just a feeling, sometimes not reflecting reality. After all, people are lonely among people, and being married, and having children.

Since for many people loneliness is not the joy of feeling free, but a big problem, often accompanied by depression and sadness, we decided to analyze such an important question: how to survive loneliness, or rather, how to quickly cope with loneliness. Go?

What are the causes of loneliness

Lonely because you don't need it?

If you do not know how to cope with loneliness, it is very difficult to return the joy to life again. To do this, it is important to understand what reason or events made you feel lonely. Perhaps due to lack of support, misunderstanding, indifference, isolation, a person believes that no one needs him, that he is not important to anyone.

How to deal with such loneliness? Everything is much easier than you think. You can make sure that this is not the case by joining a community of volunteers who help homeless animals, save nature, plant trees, collect garbage, put out fires, hold events and lessons of kindness, visit orphans, help people with disabilities opportunities, children and adults with serious illnesses.

Loneliness as an opportunity to retire

Silence - return the path to suffering and loneliness

And in such situations, loneliness is often perceived as a threat to an established life, although there is nothing good in it. Therefore, it is very important to understand that one cannot turn the soul into a sewer, where all the negative and discontent accumulates. Loneliness allows you to deal with what is happening in life and in time to free the soul from the accumulated deposits for some time. Therefore, for those who understand what the constant desire to be in the thick of things threatens, loneliness is a real salvation, which makes it possible to protect yourself and adjust your life path in time, make an important decision and take the first step towards your dream.

To survive loneliness, look for positive aspects

In order to cope with loneliness, as soon as you feel lonely, think about what opportunities this opens up for you. You can put things in order in your soul, make sure that everything is fine with you. Determine what goals you have and how relevant they are. Choose the dream that you want to fulfill the most and develop a plan for its implementation. There is not enough knowledge, so look for them, the whole world is in front of you, you just have to go online. Analyze what you have learned, try to apply it to your life and make a plan for how you can get what you want. Break it down into several stages, and proceed with the implementation of the very first.

Social life helps to cope with loneliness

Participation in important social projects that change life around for the better helps you survive loneliness, realize your importance, feel self-sufficient, understand that there are more kind people, and some of them will definitely want to communicate with you, and rude people and unpleasant personalities can always be avoided.

A person for whom someone else's pain and grief is not an empty phrase cannot be lonely, he can be confused and not yet see his own path. But it is the feeling of loneliness that becomes a signal that it is time to look at your life and think about whether you are doing everything that is important to you. Are all your dreams fulfilled? Have you chosen the path that you wanted and which brings joy?

Analyze your dreams and desires

In order to survive loneliness, think about your hobbies, try to find out if there are people where you live who are also interested in this. And if you want to learn something, look for courses where you will definitely find like-minded people with whom you will have something to talk about. They can become good friends for you.

Become a good conversationalist

Are you worried that an uninteresting interlocutor? In vain. If you know how to listen, are sincerely interested in what the other is saying, believe me, you will not go unnoticed. In addition, as psychologists say, people are more fixated on themselves, their mistakes, so they don’t notice much at all. Those who scoff at others by carefully watching them are ill-mannered and unhappy people, the sooner you realize that this person is like that, the sooner you exclude him from the list of those with whom you should associate. And you don't have to take everything personally. A person misbehaves because he is bad, not you. More self-confidence. A good interlocutor will never suffer from loneliness, because when there is someone to talk heart to heart with, there will be no time for loneliness.

Expand your social circle

Suffering from loneliness in your personal life, think about how you can expand your social circle to meet the right man.

Loneliness as personal freedom

But, of course, the main advice on how to cope with loneliness is considered to be this - change your attitude towards loneliness. Accept it not with hostility, but try to look at it from the other side. Stop taking it as a punishment, as a sign of your worthlessness, isolation from the world.

After all, at some point it is important for everyone to be alone with themselves in order to analyze thoughts, feelings, emotions, live them, experience something and let go.

Thanks to the so-called loneliness, you are left alone with yourself, there is no need to rush anywhere. You can finally read an interesting book that, who knows, will change your life, or you can visit an exhibition, a museum, go to a park, join charities or pay attention to them online, spreading the word among online acquaintances about their activities.

To survive loneliness, realize that this is your chance to finally understand yourself, to understand what you really like, what you would like to do, or vice versa, to understand that you are really on the right track, no matter who tries to convince you otherwise, to rejoice at this and appreciate their achievements, instead of criticizing themselves.

Don't be afraid to feel lonely. Loneliness is not scary. There is nothing wrong. This is just a moment in your life when it's time to figure out what is important for you in life, what you really want to do. This is an opportunity to be alone with yourself and analyze your path, dreams and aspirations. Many live their lives, eventually realizing that they have lived someone else's life. Because they ran away, hid and tried with all their might to get rid of the loneliness that scared them. They could not realize that this is a chance to get to know themselves better in time, to understand their true desires, to find and set foot on the path that will make them happy, so that it would not be insulting and painful that life was wasted in pursuit of something that was completely unnecessary. .

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Loneliness…

Already in this word lies a terrible hopelessness!

Man was created as a paired, herd creature, which is why he experiences isolation so hard.

Yes, I know about feminism, childfree and other fashion trends that claim that a self-sufficient person can do without love, friendship, children and other things.

I'm actually against the excesses and in one direction and the other!

Alone with yourself and you cannot do without companies and communication at all - this is bad, but if any communication or living with someone is a burden for you - this is also not normal.

We need to find a middle ground.

"I don't have to deal with being alone!"

I graduated from a faculty where the teaching staff was 80% female, and the vast majority of ladies were single.

And if, looking at some, I understood why not only men, but also friends ran away from them, the loneliness of others was puzzling.

Clever, beautiful, earn good money, funny, not bitches - what else do these men need?

Indeed, in the modern world there is such a paradox: worthless men and successful women most often suffer from loneliness.

I think it is not necessary to consider the first case, but I would like to dwell on the second in more detail.

First, these ladies studied, then they sought to gain a foothold at work, defend their thesis, and there was not much time for dates.

And, having reached a certain level, they can no longer look at a man with a 9th grade education and dirty nails.

What remains? Loneliness? Not!

Overcome loneliness possible if desired.

If someone claims that he feels quite normal without having a loved one and friends around, then he is either lying or has serious psychological problems ... and I'm not kidding!

My second cousin works under a retired boss.

The woman divorced after three years of family life, then raised her son on her own, never got married again, moreover, she didn’t even have a promising relationship.

So, intrigues for the sake of profit, the details of which are still savored by the sister's older colleagues.

The son grew up, moved to another city, she could not find a common language with her daughter-in-law, so she even sees her grandchildren on big holidays, lives alone in the company of cats.

But the strangest thing is not even this, but the attitude of an adult woman who sincerely hates all married people and regularly repeats the phrase: “Ah, I could not get along with anyone !!!”

And now tell me that this lady has no serious psychological problems?

But there is also a benefit from her: the girls in the department were so afraid of repeating her fate that they all quickly jumped into marriage and value their families very much!

Why is it so hard to deal with loneliness?

Any problems and life difficulties do not arise from nowhere.

They are a consequence of our actions, decisions (or not taken) and behavior patterns. Loneliness is no exception.

The most common reasons why a person turns out to be of no use to anyone are as follows:

Excessive pickiness.

You don’t need to grab the first man / woman that comes to hand, but it’s not an option to search for flaws in potential grooms / brides all your life.

Ideal people do not exist, everyone has their flaws, you are required to decide whether you can put up with certain character traits and habits of another person?

Selfishness and laziness.

Any relationship is a hard job that needs to be worked on all your life!

Yes, yes, not just go with the flow and wave your hand at everything, but to work!

For a marriage or friendship to be successful, you must sometimes give in, sometimes be flexible, sometimes sacrifice your interests.

It must be remembered that you are no longer only I, but also WE!

Excessive aggressiveness.

Power, a tendency to tantrums, cruelty, and other bad character traits that you can and should fight not only for the sake of others, but also for yourself.

Untidy appearance.

You can be the most interesting person, but no one wants to date a woman who walks around with messy hair and ripped tights, or a man with a beer belly and bad breath. Meet really on clothes!

Excessive assertiveness in relationships.

People who are in too much of a hurry overcome loneliness, scare.

If you languidly care for a girl for years, then most likely she will leave you. But when planning your family life on the second date, achieve the same effect.

Keep a sense of proportion!

To the question how to overcome loneliness, experts most often answer: “With the help of communication!”

Indeed, if you have an interesting job in a good team, true friends, hobbies, and you maintain warm relations with your family, then the absence of a soulmate will not be taken so sharply!

You can also cope with suffering by adhering to the following recommendations:

Don't dwell on the fact that you are alone right now.

Think of a break in your personal life as temporary difficulties that will definitely end!

Don't get angry.

From the fact that you will hate a girlfriend / friend, in whom everything is just “hit” in their personal lives, you will not become happier!

The hatred that devours you will sooner or later show on your face and it will scare away men / women.

It is better to sincerely rejoice for the arranged personal life of a friend and program yourself to repeat her success! 😉

- live interestingly.

Visit theaters, museums, exhibitions, volunteer for a charitable organization.

Having free time you have is the envy of married women and married men, use it for personal growth.

In addition, in such places you have real chances to meet like-minded people.

The main thing is not to become addicted to the Internet.

Find someone who needs your love.

A kitten or a puppy at home will drive away loneliness, and the birth of a child without a husband has not been considered a crime for a long time (this, of course, is the most extreme option).

I propose to look at the interesting conclusion of scientists,

on how older people can deal with loneliness:

Deal with loneliness- simple enough.

The main thing is not to drown in it, not to shut yourself off from the world and not start feeling sorry for yourself.

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