Biographies Characteristics Analysis

Dreaming Is Good by Barbara Sher: What I Want to Remember. Barbara Sher: It's OK to Dream

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Your original genius

Don't laugh, I'm completely serious. I don't care what you have achieved in life or what your IQ is. You were born with your own unique genius. And when I say this, I do not mean a genius with a small letter, unlike Albert Einstein. And Genius with a capital letter is like Albert Einstein.

We give the honorary title of "genius" to only a few - those who, in our opinion, were simply born that way, with an overabundance of some ability, be it an outstanding mind, original in and the movement of the world, incredible purposefulness. And we are convinced that superpowers are so strong and unstoppable that they overcome the most difficult circumstances.

Let's take Mozart. Music overwhelmed him from birth. Or Picasso, another genius. Sculptor Louise Nevelson said that Picasso "painted like an angel while still in his cradle". These are geniuses, where are we with you before them. So, at least, common sense says.

Great, let's take these three criteria of genius that I named - an outstanding mind, an original view of the world, an incredible sense of purpose. Now let's see if you had it at the age of two.

The concept of "outstanding mind" is not so easy to decipher. We eventually learned that we can't accurately estimate IQ. Even if they could, these tests only measure a very narrow area of ​​knowledge and skill. Therefore, it is better to call the "outstanding mind" a special case of the "original view of the world": an intellectual view, in contrast to the artistic and musical, or a dozen other views of the world that we already know or have not yet discovered - political, emotional, sports, humanitarian ... You can continue the list.

At the age of two, you had an original view of the world. You may not remember, but this is due to the fact that it is difficult for us to remember what cannot be expressed in words. In infancy, we looked at the world in such an original way that no one could help us express it. And if we ourselves found the words, then no one could understand them!

If you have ever listened to a small child (for example, if you have children), you know that they say strange and wonderful things: they try to explain to us what the world looks like from a point of view that has never existed before!

Great poets are people who have retained the ability to look at the world with fresh open eyes and tell what they see. But we could do it all. You could do it at the age of two. When you were two years old, you were very busy. You didn't just invent your own language for your own purposes. You, as one of my physicist friends said, have explored the nature of the universe yourself.

So you had an original view of the world. Absolutely unique.

And you had an incredible sense of purpose.

You knew perfectly well what you love and what you want. You did everything to get it, and no hesitation or self-doubt. If they saw cookies on the table, they didn’t think: “Can I? Do I deserve? Am I making a fool of myself? I procrastinate again - is this procrastination? You thought: "Cookies." And they started crying, luring treats with flattery, crawling, climbing, building a ladder out of boxes - doing anything to get cookies. If it didn't work out, you would fight, take a nap, and then change the object of your attention. And this did not stop you from trying to get the next wonderful thing that fell into your field of vision.

Please note: in such moments, self-confidence is not needed. The expression itself is meaningless. You are not even aware of yourself, you are completely focused on the goal.

You had all those rare and special qualities that we think are characteristic of geniuses. And I had.

Where did they go?

While you were too young to listen to the voice of reason, or you were taught early to do something "useful", you enjoyed the delightful freedom to be yourself. By the age of five or six, if not earlier, your precious right to choose based on your own desires began to be taken away. Once you have learned to control yourself and sit still at your desk, the fairy tale is over.

You've probably forgotten what it was like to go to first grade. Behind you are five years of wonderful experience: you have seen, learned, felt, hated and loved a variety of things. But the school was not created to learn from you. She was created to teach you. She unintentionally convinced that your knowledge, tastes, judgments are not really worth a penny. Simply by ignoring your personality, it canceled out all the rich inner world that you brought there. Everything that was seen at school is a blank sheet that needs to be filled with the necessary knowledge. If it was important for you to talk to your best friend, or daydream, or draw when you needed to learn the multiplication table, you were punished. If you suddenly understood how to talk to plants, and the plants answered you, they didn’t ask you: “Do you want to learn how to write or are you busy with something else?” You've been told, "Get away from the plants and let's see how fast you learn the alphabet!"

Whether you were talking to flowers or dogs, sculpting mud sculptures, or planning to become a movie star or skate to Eskimo country, you quickly realized that it was not worth a damn. And slowly forgot. You have developed a kind of amnesia. From now on, if you were asked the question: “What can you do?” - you easily answered: "Nothing." Meaning: "Nothing that can be considered important." Or they said: “Well, mathematics is easy for me.” Or, "I'm good at typing." It never crossed your mind to say, “I love plants. I remember all their names and I think I know how to make them happy.”

All we think of as geniuses are people who have eluded the need to lull the curious, interested child in them. On the contrary, they dedicated their lives to equip this child with all the tools and skills needed to play at an adult level. You know, Albert Einstein played. He made great discoveries precisely because he retained the freshness of his eyes and the pleasure with which the little ones explore the world.

The first thing you need to do is awaken these childish qualities in yourself. So let's go back in time and look at the geniuses we were. This is the very first and very important clue to how your life was intended, what activities can bring you the most joy and what you will do best.

Extraordinary achievements, great works of art and lives lived as works of art are almost always rooted in childhood. Ask any famous person and you will probably find that from an early age he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

One article about singer Linda Ronstadt said that her first memory was of her asking her parents: "Play for me ..." Once, at the age of four, she sang with her parents and began to improvise. Father said, "You're not singing that tune!" The girl replied: "I know" 3
Elizabeth Kaye. Linda Ronstadt. Why is she the Queen of Lonely? Redbook 152 (February, 1979). Note. ed.

And the sculptor Louise Nevelson in the memoir Dawns & Dusks 4
Louis Nevelson. Dawns and Dusks: Taped conversations with Diana MacKown. Encore Editions, 1980. Note. ed.

He recalls: “From an early, early age, I knew that I would become an artist. I felt like an artist… I used to draw a lot as a child and paint every day. As a child, she could enter a room and remember everything that was there, just a glance was enough. This is visual thinking."

What separates you from these people is that there is an unbreakable continuity between the children they were and the adults they have become.

We will work to restore that continuity in you. But for this we need to know what the child was like. What did this girl love, what did this boy love? Childhood is a blueprint of your life path in miniature, like the genes in a small seed that determines whether a tomato, a palm tree, or a rose bush will grow. I want you to go back to your childhood and try to remember as much as you can that can point to your original type of genius.

If the definition of "genius" still seems too cheeky to you, I came up with another, even better one. Let's call it yours original essence. When I say "original", I mean both meanings: "original, primordial" and "unique, extraordinary."

Exercise 2. Your original essence

Let your mind wander through childhood memories, paying more attention to those personal special moments when you were allowed to daydream, play or do whatever your heart desires. Now, on a separate piece of paper, write down the answers to the questions:

What attracted and fascinated you most as a child?

Which of the senses - sight, touch, smell - helped to perceive life most vividly? Or were they all equally important to you?

What did you like to do, what did you dream about? It doesn't matter how stupid it seems to you right now. What fantasies and games have you never told anyone about?

Do you feel that some part of your personality still loves it?

What talents and abilities do these childhood passions and dreams point to?

Marcia, 32, felt this question keenly:

“I really went back to what I experienced in the first five years of my life. Then everything just got worse. This exercise stirred up strong emotions. I studied with a psychologist for a long time, but I never realized that my first five years were so good.

Here are more answers:

Ellen, 54: “I remembered that I was drawn to trees. I could stand and look at them for a long time, hug them. I think I knew what it was like to be one of them."

John, 35: “I was a rhythm freak. He always pounded on the dining table, beating out some rhythmic pattern of his own. Nobody could eat properly."

Bill, 44: “I loved the colors. I started drawing as soon as I could hold a pencil in my hands. I drew bright colored scribbles on paper, book pages and even on the wall by my bed.

Anna, 29: “This is going to sound weird, but there was an ad on TV at the time for Hamm’s beer, which was made in Minnesota. They had such a song, as I remember it now: “From the land of sky-blue waters, from the land of pines, noble resins, refreshing beer has arrived, Hamm’s is refreshing beer.”

A very memorable motif, and the sounds of tom-toms, and a lake sparkling in the moonlight. Well... At night in bed, I liked to crawl under the covers with my head and pretend to be a princess in the Land of Sky Blue Waters.

If you didn't have a goal when you started reading this book, then congratulations. You may not believe it, but you have taken the first step towards it.

Ellen's youngest daughter has just entered college and is now looking for a job. She could - and still can - become a botanist, a forester, a gardener, a poet, an artist, or even a psychotherapist.

John is an experienced mechanic. He doesn't know much about music, but he could - and still can - become a good jazz drummer or dancer.

Bill is a lawyer, like his father. He earns well, he quite likes his work. But a talented artist or interior designer is waiting in the wings.

Anna is an assistant editor at a publishing house. She had—and still has—the kind of imagination that a writer or filmmaker or editor in chief needs.

What did you answer? What does your answer say about your desires and what you would be good at?

And now a serious question.

Why did Albert Einstein become Albert Einstein when Marcia, Ellen, John, Bill and Anna, or maybe you too, failed to use your talents?

If indeed we all came into this world with a reserve of originality and energy, how then to explain the phenomenon of Einstein? Or, for example, Mary Cassatt? 5
Mary Cassatt (1844-1926) was an American Impressionist painter.

Luther Burbank? 6
Luther Burbank (1849-1926) - American breeder and horticulturist, creator of new varieties of vegetable and fruit crops, brought out a number of unusual plants.

Margaret Meade? 7
Margaret Mead (1901–1978), American anthropologist, ethnographer, and sociologist, professor at New York, Yale, and Columbia Universities.

They all went through first grade. Everyone grew up and paid their bills. How did they save their "treasure map"? They must have possessed some mysterious quality - strength of character, perseverance, self-confidence, discipline, even imbalance, bordering on recklessness. Something that separates special people from you and me.

It's true. Geniuses, truly successful, realized themselves, had something that we did not have. But there is nothing mysterious here. This is not something you need to be born with, not a character trait that needs to be developed in many years of lonely struggle. I'll tell you exactly what Albert Eintstein had.

Earth, air, water and sun.

Environment

If a seed is planted in fertile soil, given enough sun and water, it does not need to try to germinate. He does not need self-confidence, self-discipline or perseverance. It just grows. In fact, it cannot but germinate.

A seed forced to germinate from under rocks, or in deep shade, or in a dry place, will not grow into a healthy full-fledged plant. It will try hard, because the desire to become what you are destined to be is incredibly great. But at best, it will turn into a ghostly likeness of what it should have become: pale, short, drooping.

So it is with most of us.

I'm talking about nurturing, feeding and caring. We differ from geniuses in the environment that surrounds us, the very first and most important environment - the family where we were born and grew up.

Here's what happened to Einstein:

Someone (I don't know who exactly - mother, father, grandfather, uncle) explained: doing what he likes and wants is good. They saw something in him - stubbornness, shyness, specialness - they respected and appreciated it. I would not be at all surprised to learn that someone gave him a compass, a gyroscope, books, winked conspiratorially and left him alone.

It is so simple. But it's so rare.

It's hard to believe in yourself if no one else believed in you, and it's almost impossible to stay true to your own. and Denia, meeting constant disapproval. We won’t even be able to put together a bookshelf if no one says that we can do it, doesn’t tell and show how to do it, and doesn’t give materials. This is our nature. That's what we are.

In our age, the age of ecology, of all living beings, we expect only from man that he will develop and flourish in any conditions, even in completely unsuitable ones! We don't demand that a spider spin a flawless web in the void, we don't expect a seed thrown on a table to germinate. But these are the demands we make on ourselves.

As a result, most of us don't realize that the environment in which we grew up was not conducive to creating geniuses. We are simply sure that we are not brilliant and blame heredity or our character flaws for what has come of us. Our childhood environment may have lacked a lot, but we assume that geniuses were the same or even worse. Just they they overcame everything with the help of their mysterious fortitude. We do not notice the grandmother or the extraordinary teacher who was there, surrounded by love and helped at the right time. Even when we come face to face with the key manifestations of the right environment for education and formation, we do not recognize them.

In the next chapter, I will show you such an environment, you will see how different it is from the one in which most of us grew up. And then I will demonstrate that all truly successful, life-loving people have come from such an environment ... at least in part ... or managed to create it for themselves.

And we will start creating it for you.

Chapter 2
An environment that creates winners

And now I will ask you some questions about the family in which you grew up.

If you answer “yes” to all or almost all, then congratulations. I envy you. You are a rare lucky person who is lucky enough to have an environment that creates winners - the best environment for growth and flourishing.

In fact, very few people are so fortunate. To me - no. And it's not our parents' fault. They themselves did not grow up in the right environment and did not know how to create it. And yet they tried to create at least a part of this atmosphere by educating us, simply because we were loved.

Each of your "yes" in response to my questions is a piece of the bridge between your childhood genius and its adult incarnation, which we are going to stretch. When you answer no, try to imagine what your life could be like if the answer was different. But even if you have “no” to all questions, do not despair. With the help of a book, you can still build that bridge.

Let's start, perhaps.

In your family when you were growing up:

1. Have you been treated like you have a unique gift that deserves love and respect?

I hope you answered yes. Unfortunately, if you are like most, then not only were you not considered special, but you were quickly cooled if it seemed to you otherwise.

Sadly, sometimes parents did this out of love, wanting to protect us from the disappointments and humiliations that fell to their lot. Many of them went into the world without allies, with only a bold and fragile sense of their own, and were beaten as a result. Perhaps they thought that lowering our expectations, nipping our desires in the bud, so to speak, would help us avoid this pain. A harsher way of saying something like, “Don't try this, dear, it will only hurt you. Believe me. I went through it. I know".

Of course, sometimes the motive was different. Envy. Your parents may have felt that they did not have the opportunity to live life the way they wanted to. Let's face it. How many mothers could do anything other than housekeeping, raising children, and perhaps working part-time to replenish the family budget? How many fathers got a chance to discover their talents and realize their interests? Most had to provide for themselves and their families from an early age. That's what my parents were like. If yours is too, then imagine how they felt when they had children. Pride. Delight. Hope. But then you started to grow... and demand... And suddenly they saw in you everything that they had to suppress in themselves: open and unabashed desires, unbridled imagination, originality, ambition and pride. They saw that you capture as much attention as they themselves could not even dream of. They learned at great personal cost to be humble, to make sacrifices, and to submit to circumstances—often for you—and they said, “I learned my lesson. And you will learn it too.”

We catch this message from early childhood. And we would rather give up our destiny than risk injuring or angering those whose love we live.

So when that stubborn sense of “specialness” rears its head, perhaps a wave of shame immediately rolls over you and an automatic recording immediately plays in your mind: “Who do I think I am?” If this happens, then definitely your answer to the first question is “no”.

Think about what would change in you and your life if you were treated differently? What would happen to you today?


2. Have you been told that you can do whatever you want and be who you want - will you still be loved and admired?

This is nothing more than love and respect in action. To really care about someone's giftedness is to give complete freedom in choosing its expression, and then to respect and support this choice.

You came home from school and said: "I decided to become a doctor when I grow up." Or, “I definitely want to be a movie star.” Or: “I want to be a circus clown,” and your parents answered with sincere enthusiasm: “Sounds great! You're sure to do great!"

Instead, most of us have heard something like, “Doctor? Well, honey, maybe you'll be a nurse."

Or: “If it were so easy to become a movie star, everyone would be movie stars all the time. Stop thinking about the clouds and think about what grades you need to get into college.

“Ugh, what a disgusting idea. The circus is so dirty."

It was then that our behavior and plans began to adapt to the ideas of our parents about who we should become in life - what is available and right. Even if it did not correspond at all to who we really were and who we wanted to become. The son of a foundry worker, born a brilliant scientist, may have problems. As well as the daughter of a lawyer who dreams of becoming a jockey. Many families believe that certain professions are above or below their dignity. Such prejudices are passed on to children, which initially limits the range of available opportunities.

Of course, among the strongest prejudices-attitudes are ideas about what a boy and what a girl should be.

If you are a man, then I bet that you have never heard a variation on the theme "unselfish - selfish" addressed to you. These are words for women. No, your mom might say from time to time that you're selfish, but of course she didn't mean it seriously. After all, you are completely different from her. It was considered natural that, immersed in your studies, you do not remember the mess in the room and the mood of those around you. You were loved just like that: active, immersed in your studies and achieving success. (Exactly how successful is the question, but we'll get to that later.)

The girl, on the other hand, was not called an egoist exactly as long as she did not try to do what she wanted and needed only for her, and not for someone else. And if she was so carried away that she forgot to be nice to her little brother or set the table, she was quickly pointed out that no one would love her with such behavior and she needed to take up her mind.

Women are raised to love. We were taught that in order to receive love, it must first be given. Our upbringing prepared us to care for others. We must love and nurture children so that they can grow and fulfill themselves. We must support the husband so that he can realize himself without hindrance. In other words, flowers need to grow. And you know what it turns us into? Fertilizer, to put it mildly. Most of us have been taught to achieve love in this way, and not to be flowers ourselves. If we dared to bloom - showed activity, immersed ourselves in our work, rushed to success - no one would nourish our roots and we would die. At least that's how it seemed to us.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote that all people have hierarchy of needs. And before we think about higher needs, the most pressing needs must be met. First, food and shelter are the basic needs necessary for survival. Then emotional - we need to feel that we are loved for who we are, we need to feel that we belong to any social group. Only when all these needs are satisfied do we feel safe enough to begin our self-actualization. The need for love is so great that people follow it like plant roots follow water and leaves follow light. This is how we grow. Love in our culture is a guide that helps to learn certain roles. Until recently, in our culture, men tended to earn love by fulfilling themselves, and women mostly by helping others to fulfill themselves.

It turns out that if a man is lucky, then actions for self-realization will already lead to the satisfaction of all his needs. Have you ever heard a boy think about what he will choose - a wife or a career? No, the more he succeeds in his career, the better he can get a wife. But the girl in the depths of her soul probably knew that someday she would have to make a choice between these things. The desire for success and the success achieved suggested that they would hardly love you. No wonder so many women have mixed feelings, if not fear, about the prospect of a successful career! We were forced to choose between two vital needs: a higher one, self-realization, and a fundamental one, love. And this is impossible.

Today, girls are brought up differently. But if you were born, say, before 1968, then most likely the glorious young years left their mark on you:

1. It is difficult for you to think about what you want: who to be, what to do, what to have, what to see - because such thoughts were not welcome.

2. Even if you managed to save your dreams, it is difficult to take them seriously, because you have never been taken seriously. Your abilities and hobbies were at best seen as qualities that could make you more attractive to a man, but you can’t really develop them - this can scare him away.

3. You do not know how to ask for help to achieve what you want, because you are used to helping you, not you.

4. Even if you can ask for help, you do not know how to direct the forces of your assistants in the right direction and effectively use them to solve problems. Most women are personality oriented. We are so sensitive to everything that has to do with personality and emotions that we tend to get stuck in it.

5. And the most destructive: you are afraid that, having risked rushing for what you want, you will be left completely alone. Because it is selfish, and selfishness means loneliness.


Do not despair. We will talk about these problems and find effective ways to solve them.

Men have other difficulties.

If you are a man, then you were taken seriously. Sometimes too seriously. You knew very early what was expected of you in the future - you have to earn a living. But parents could have very specific views on this matter.

They wanted you to be successful. Well, well - success in their understanding. You should have gotten into a good university, or made it to the top in law school, or continued the family business. You definitely should have been doing something "masculine". Whoever the real man in your family saw - a professor, a company president or a loader in a port - his image was clearly defined and unshakable. Even your childhood games and dreams had to match this. If you enjoyed reading a lot, playing the piano, or fiddling with dolls (dolls are toy people, and being human, boys are often interested in them), what did you do when you saw displeasure in your father's eyes? You put down your book or doll, grabbed a baseball glove, and ran to practice with him. As a result, by the age of five, you may have completely forgotten your unique talents and interests. I suspect there are a lot of poets, chefs and dancers walking around us, so well disguised as lawyers that they don't even recognize themselves.

Having answered “no” to the second question - it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman - think about: what would your life be like if you were lovingly told as a child that the whole world of human possibilities is open to you and the choice is yours alone? What would happen to you today?


3. Have you been given help, encouragement in finding an interesting activity for you? Helped understand how to do it?

A very important point. Without this, even if you received everything that was discussed in questions 1 and 2, there might not be any sense. Moreover, support in such a case could do more harm than good. Ask those who have been told that you can become whoever you want, but were not told how.

What are we talking about? Maybe you said: "You know, I really want to become a scientist." Maybe every free minute they drew or took things apart, trying to find out how they work. And your parents, seeing this, carefully supported, fueled your interest by providing a variety of resources - books, materials, people. They helped to enroll in the library and showed a rack with scientific literature. Together with you, they equipped a terrarium, gave a microscope or a beautiful set of pastels for a birthday. They introduced you to a scientist, a teacher of art, an inventor or a mechanic - those who were engaged in something consonant with your interests, gladly allowed you to observe their work and taught you.

In other words, your parents used their knowledge of the world and experience to show you the amazing things that people like you can do and do.

Many families do not do this on purpose - for fear of putting pressure on you. For some, this was a hidden test of your determination: whether you show enough will and ingenuity to get your way. But when you're five or eight years old, how do you know there are pastel crayons in every color of the rainbow if no one shows them? When you're ten or twelve and admire the skill of a dancer, a doctor, or a carpenter, someone has to tell you that they started, just like you, with only interest and love. Our talents are innate. But we are acquiring skills. And they will not be taken by themselves, from the air - we must get them from people who already possess these skills. If your family understood how to help you join the vast and exciting world of adult games, the world of skills, activities and thoughts, then you are in luck.

Few women received this kind of help, mostly in rich or highly educated families, such as in the family of the already mentioned Margaret Mead. Men fared better, as developing interests and skills was seen as an important aspect of raising boys. However, on the other hand, they could be expected to be independent. Now I'll ask an interesting question:

If you answered yes to the first and second questions, but no to the third, do you blame yourself for not becoming the person you were told you could be?

I’m willing to bet that at least once, and maybe all eleven, you have gathered your courage, decided: “I can do it!” They went out the door and had no idea where to step next. Of course they didn't! Nobody told you about it. Instead of turning to someone: “Excuse me, can you tell me which direction to go in?” – you said to yourself: “Here. I thought I was special. But it's not. I'll have to be satisfied with the fact that I'm typing eighty words a minute and just a good person. You returned home, sat down and were glad that no one saw you. A year or two passed, the thirst for a dream woke up in you again. Excited, you made a new attempt, stopped at the same place and thought: “Second time. It proves that I'm dumb." And all because no one explained that it's okay to walk out the door knowing nothing and that you have the right to get all the information, instructions, help and advice you need.

If you answered “no” to the third question, consider how different you and your life would be if you were helped to determine what you want to do, and then helped to learn, as do it? Who could you be today?


4. Have you been encouraged to follow all your abilities and interests, even if they change every day?

That is, when at the age of seven you said: “Mom, I want to become a movie star,” your mother answered: “You know, you can do well.” Gave you my lipstick, eye shadow and mascara, took a video camera, filmed a movie with you, taught you and your friend how to use the camera. And after a couple of days or a couple of months, when you said: “I don’t want to be an actress anymore. I want to be a fireman and save people,” she replied, “Good idea. Do you want to go to the depot, look at the cars?

We are taught from childhood that dreams are something so unreal, simple childish fun, a pleasant but empty pastime. “I want to become a pilot / rescuer / singer / astronaut” - each of us dreamed of something like this in childhood, but hardly anyone took your dreams seriously.

In his book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to Get What You Really Want Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb dispel the myth that dreams are just vague desires, teach you how to turn them into goals and make concrete plans to achieve everything you dream about.

I am very distrustful of books from the category “How to become a millionaire in two weeks”, “How to achieve your goals in 1 month”, “How to change your life tomorrow”, etc. But the book “Dreaming is not harmful. How to get what you really want ”I was initially interested precisely because it did not promise fantastic results in a tiny period of time.

She simply said: “Dreaming is not harmful,” and it was this quiet, unobtrusive, but at the same time effective appeal that did its job - I decided to read this book.

Barbara Sher

He is the author of seven bestselling books, each offering a practical and detailed method for discovering natural talents, setting goals, and making dreams come true. Barbara has taught seminars and workshops around the world - for universities, professional organizations, Fortune 100 corporations.

Annie Gottlieb

Writer and journalist specializing in psychology. Annie has published in many publications such as Mirabella and McCall's, and also writes book reviews and columns for The New York Times.

Remember the genius you were as a child

Most of all, I am grateful to the authors for helping me remember my childhood dreams. I, like most people, did not take them seriously, and even to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I have always responded differently. In kindergarten, I was praised for saying a few words in English without mistakes - and I am sure that I will become a translator. I did an excellent job with the role in the New Year's performance - and now I already dream of becoming an actress. In the second grade I wrote my first poem - and I know for sure that the poet is dozing in me.

But then, as a child, I, like all children, did not know the main thing: all our dreams, each of our desires, each of our small victories is what tells us the way to what will make us happy.

The book contains many practical tasks that will help you remember childhood dreams. You yourself can easily write what, it would seem, you have irretrievably forgotten: what you loved to do, what you were interested in, what you were not sorry to waste your time on.

In childhood, each of us was a real genius: we knew what we wanted. We were not yet adults, constrained by various circumstances (no money, no time, no opportunities, etc.), and we were not afraid of a possible failure, we were not overcome by doubts.

And now you remember what you dreamed of as a child. Now answer the question: do you still want to do this? If your answer is “yes”, then forget for a moment about the continuation that you certainly added to your answer (“this is very difficult”, “I am no longer at that age”, “I will never decide to change my life so drastically” etc.), and be aware that:

You still can.

I don't care about your age, past or present circumstances: you can still do anything, have whatever you want, or be anyone.

Barbara Sher

Playing private detective

Who can know you better than yourself? You see yourself in the mirror every day, you know exactly what you love and what you hate. But you will be surprised when you realize that you know far from everything about yourself.

In one of the practical tasks, the authors suggest that you play a private detective: inspect your own home as if you were seeing it for the first time and trying to understand from the situation what kind of person lives here. When you see the results, you will be surprised. After I examined my own home, I made the following conclusions:

Items that didn't surprise me:

First. this person has more than three hundred paper books, and there is an electronic book on the table, and if you look into it, you can find more than a dozen works.

I love to read since childhood, I always knew it.

Second. What is the assumption based on: there are seven notebooks on the table, in which verses, fragments of thoughts, quotes from books, lines from favorite songs are randomly mixed up.

Why is this not a discovery for me: I am immensely fond of writing by hand; even if I'm going to publish a post in LiveJournal or Tumblr, it first appears in a notebook, and only then it moves to the Internet space.

Sixth. What is the assumption based on: two players, a bunch of headphones, carefully stored CDs.

Why is this not a discovery for me: I listen to music all the time.

Points that surprised me:

The third.What is the assumption based on: on the table is an album for drawing and felt-tip pens. In all notebooks with letters, there are emoticons, cats and some squiggles, the deep meaning of which is clear only to their creator.

I can't draw. As a child, I suffered madly because of this, and the tasks in fine arts were performed by the whole family. In my resume, two phrases are highlighted in red bold: “I can’t draw. Well, that is, not at all, not at all.”

And then, quite unexpectedly, I realize that I am constantly drawing something. Mind maps when I need to decompose a complex task into its component parts. Emoticons, cats and other little animals when I need a distraction. I even got an album from somewhere, and even with felt-tip pens.

I always thought that I didn't like and couldn't draw. But, having examined my “drawing front”, I realized that, of course, a decent artist would never work out of me, but the scribbling of squiggles and funny animals helps me calm down and distract myself.

Fourth.What is the assumption based on: a lot of photo albums, two cameras that stand proudly on the top shelf, a bunch of folders on a laptop called "Print Photos".

Why is this discovery for me: well, yes, I have a camera, and I can press a button and say: "A bird will fly out now." I have an Instagram account that's not all about cats, selfies, and food. I love photographing sunsets and sunrises. I get very frustrated when there is no camera at hand, and a 3-megapixel smartphone camera is not capable of capturing even half of the beauty that I want to capture.

I never thought about taking a photography course or learning how to work decently with modern photo editors. What's there, I'll be honest: I never even thought that photography could be of interest to me.

What I concluded from this: Now I'm thinking about enrolling in a photography course. And no, I don't want to make it my life's work. Let it be an enjoyable hobby.

Fifth. What is the assumption based on: there are a lot of magnets on the refrigerator from different cities of Russia and other countries. In the bedside table there is a box with various postcards, seeing which makes you want to buy a plane ticket. And in the kitchen there are several cups that indicate that their owner has visited at least three countries.

Why is this discovery for me: because I love to travel, but my piggy bank of cities and countries is not so big yet, despite all the trophies.

What I concluded from this: erroneous. As a detective who inspects the home of a stranger, I assumed that a person who travels a lot lives here. But as a person living in this apartment, I know that more than half of the postcards, magnets and other souvenirs were brought to me by friends and relatives.

After completing this exercise, you will surely learn something new about your hobbies and about your character. And who knows, maybe you will finally understand what you want to do in life. It's exciting, try it. :)

One of the main rules: do not be afraid to ask for help

The theme of the entire book is: Don't be afraid to ask others for help. No one can achieve tremendous success alone. And if you don't believe me, read the autobiographies of successful people. They always had someone who helped them, no matter how - with life advice, money, or just introducing them to the right people.

Anyone in your life can help you achieve what you truly desire: your family, friends, acquaintances, acquaintances of your friends, and acquaintances of your acquaintances. On that condition, of course, if you do not hesitate to ask for help. Who knows, maybe you will be able to assemble a team of like-minded people who will work towards achieving one goal.

Summarizing

I am very glad that this book came into my hands. It took me a week to read it, but I do not regret the time spent.

I remembered my childhood dreams and learned to make goals out of them. I played detective and looked for hidden talents and tendencies in myself. I broke down goals into specific tasks and learned how to fulfill them. I took a fresh look at dreams and learned to discard fears and doubts.

Who will be interested in this book

To everyone who likes to dream, as well as to all those who consider it a waste of time. The former will learn to turn their dreams into goals and achieve them, while the latter will understand the main thing: what we dream about is what we need.

Remember: dreaming is not harmful. It's bad not to dream.

Barbara Sher, Annie Gottlieb

Dreaming is not bad. How to get what you really want

wishcraft

How to Get What You Really Want

Scientific editor Alika Kalaida

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Copyright © 2004 Barbara Sher

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2014

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

© Electronic version of the book prepared by Litres (www.litres.ru)* * *

Dedicated to my mother

who always believed in me

Foreword

It's hard to believe that thirty years have passed since I held my first book in my hands, looking at the cover with the title "Dreaming is not harmful" and my name. My life hasn't changed. At least not right away. Like ten years before, I raised two boys alone, worked hard and struggled to make ends meet. I'm not saying that I was almost forty-five and by the standards of 1979 it was considered that it was too late to start something new, especially for a woman.

But that day, I felt like Cinderella at the ball, because my book was published. Everything was like a dream. In the depths of my soul, I was always afraid that I would live my life and no one would know about me. Everything was fine now. I had written a book, a good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I successfully led for almost three years. I knew that this seminar helped people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other achieve the seemingly impossible, started their own business, got their plays staged in theaters in New York, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local kids, entered the prestigious law school. faculty and graduated from it, found ways, assistance and adopted children. These dreams were as unique as their owners.

I hoped that Dreaming Is Good would help people, as my seminar helped them, but I wasn't sure. The seminars were recorded (a lot of audio cassettes - after all, each lasted about twelve hours), everything was stated in the book in the same words as in the classroom. But there people were working face to face, and I was worried that the book would not be able to have the desired impact.

I didn't have to worry for long.

A few weeks after the book came out, I started receiving letters. Real letters in envelopes, handwritten and stamped. First, a few letters a week, then more and more, and within six months my closet was full of cardboard boxes of letters. Readers thanked me for my practical approach and simplicity - for the fact that I understand their lives, for helping them pay attention to their dreams. I warned them that they would face fear and negativity, and they appreciated it. They liked my advice to complain to someone from time to time.

Some, drawing attention to the training origin of "Dreaming is not harmful", began to read my book in groups. Sometimes it took them a year to go through it together and make their dreams come true. Some said they studied Dreaming Well in college, others wanted to build "success teams" using the book as a guide and asked for help. Many simply read the book and said they no longer feel alone. By letters they let me into their lives, they wanted to say that thanks to “Dreaming is not harmful” they were understood, heard and found help. I experienced an incomparable feeling.

Scientific editor Alika Kalaida


Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency


All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.


Copyright © 2004 Barbara Sher

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2018

* * *

Dedicated to my mother who always believed in me

Foreword

It's hard to believe that thirty years have passed since I held my first book in my hands, looking at the cover with the title "Dreaming is not harmful" and my name. My life hasn't changed. At least not right away. Like ten years before, I raised two boys alone, worked hard and struggled to make ends meet. I'm not saying that I was almost forty-five and by the standards of 1979 it was considered that it was too late to start something new, especially for a woman.

But that day, I felt like Cinderella at the ball, because my book was published. Everything was like a dream. In the depths of my soul, I was always afraid that I would live my life and no one would know about me. Everything was fine now. I had written a book, a good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I successfully led for almost three years. I knew that this seminar helped people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other achieve the seemingly impossible, started their own business, got their plays staged in theaters in New York, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local kids, entered the prestigious law school. faculty and graduated from it, found ways, assistance and adopted children. These dreams were as unique as their owners.

I hoped that Dreaming Is Good would help people, as my seminar helped them, but I wasn't sure. The seminars were recorded (a lot of audio cassettes - after all, each lasted about twelve hours), everything was stated in the book in the same words as in the classroom. But there people were working face to face, and I was worried that the book would not be able to have the desired impact.

I didn't have to worry for long.

A few weeks after the book came out, I started receiving letters. Real letters in envelopes, handwritten and stamped. First, a few letters a week, then more and more, and within six months my closet was full of cardboard boxes of letters. Readers thanked me for my practical approach and simplicity - for the fact that I understand their lives, for helping them pay attention to their dreams.

I warned them that they would face fear and negativity, and they appreciated it. They liked my advice to complain to someone from time to time.

Some, drawing attention to the training origin of "Dreaming is not harmful", began to read my book in groups. Sometimes it took them a year to go through it together and make their dreams come true. Some said they studied Dreaming Well in college, others wanted to build "success teams" using the book as a guide and asked for help. Many simply read the book and said they no longer feel alone. By letters they let me into their lives, they wanted to say that thanks to “Dreaming is not harmful” they were understood, heard and found help. I experienced an incomparable feeling.

Thirty years have passed and I still receive letters of thanks, sometimes from people who re-read Dreaming Well years later and tell me that the book helps them again and again. Sometimes their grown-up children even write to me.

I have a small stack of the very first letters. And then there are a few emails that continue to come to this day. But no matter how much feedback I get, I always feel honored and excited when I read it and try to respond personally.

Since 1979, "Dreaming is not harmful" has been constantly reprinted. Publishers were happy to take my new manuscripts and publish new books, which also turned out well.

Thanks to "Dreaming is not harmful" I became "someone". Journalists approached me for comments on their articles. I have spoken hundreds of times to audiences ranging from the largest Fortune 100 companies and firms that look for work abroad for laid-off employees to parent conferences on unschooling. 1
Unschooling is a kind of home, family education based on the interests of the child. As a rule, it does not involve systematic studies and following training programs. Here and further approx. ed., except where noted.

And gifted children in rural schools. I have performed in the USA, Canada, Australia and Western Europe, and even in countries that have recently got rid of the Iron Curtain and want to learn how to dream again.

As of this writing, I have completed five special editions of my speeches for fundraising marathons in support of public television channels and plan to continue. Sometimes they even recognize me at airports, which is surprising, because usually after long-haul flights I am disheveled, tired, and even with a dog in my arms. I don't look like a celebrity and I'm not addressed as a celebrity. We talk like old friends, and I really like it.

From a personal point of view, the success of "Dreaming is Good" exceeded all my expectations. I have had a rare and amazing opportunity to help people realize their dreams by offering them practical and working techniques. Help even if they don't see their purpose, don't know how to believe in themselves, or can't keep a positive attitude. I make them laugh at their own negative thinking and show them that they already have everything they need to create the life of their dreams. It's just that isolation destroys desires, and outside support works wonders.

Now my message, which was first heard in "Dreaming is not harmful", has resonated with millions of people. Thanks to this, I can earn a living doing what I really love. Like everyone, I had my ups and downs, but I never got bored. Not for a second. So thirty years flew by like a flash.

And it all started with the book you are holding in your hands. I sincerely hope that "Dreaming Is Not Harmful" will give you the same interesting and full of meaning life as it did me. Moreover, I hope it inspires you to help others achieve their dreams. This will make me the happiest.

Introduction

This book is written to make you a winner.

No, it's not meant to drive you like a badass American football coach - "Go and stomp on everyone there" - unless, of course, you yourself strive for it with all your heart. However, I do not think that most of us enjoy the opportunity to trample on rivals and remain alone on an imaginary peak. This is just a consolation prize, to which those who at one time were not explained what it means to win are eager for. I have my own definition - simple and radical.

Winning, in my understanding, means getting what you want. Not what your dad and mom would like for you, not what you think is achievable in this world, but exactly what you want you are yours desires, fantasies and dreams. A person becomes a winner when he loves his life, when he gets up every morning, rejoicing in a new day, when he likes what he does, even if sometimes it is a little scary.

Is it about you? If not, what needs to be changed to become a winner? What is your most cherished dream? Maybe lead a quiet peaceful life on his two-hectare farm? Swim out of a huge Rolls-Royce under the flashes of reporters' cameras? Photographing rhinos in Africa, becoming the VP of the company you currently work for, adopting a child, making a film… starting your own business or learning to play the piano… opening a theater with a restaurant or getting a pilot's license? Your dream is as unique as you are. But whatever it may be - modest or grandiose, fantastic or real, distant, like the moon in the night sky, or very close - I want you to start taking it seriously right now.

We have always been taught that dreams are something frivolous, superficial, but in reality everything is not at all like that. This is not a prank that can wait while you are doing "serious" things. This is a necessity. What you want is what you need. Your cherished dream is rooted in your very essence, it is made up of information about who you are now and who you can become. You must take care of her. You must respect her. And above all, you must have it.

This is available to you. You can.

Wait a minute! You have already heard this. And if you are like me, then the words “you can!” enough to sound a wake-up call. “The last time I bought into this, I hurt my forehead! The world is harsh, and I'm not in the best shape. I don't think I'm ready for all this positive thinking stuff again. Perhaps you can. And I have experienced it in my own skin, and I know that I can’t.”

I've seen a lot of books and programs that promise just ten simple steps to self-respect, self-discipline, willpower, and positive thinking, and I know what I'm talking about. This book is different. Written for people like me. People who were born without outstanding qualities and lost hope of acquiring them. Are you persistent in achieving your goals? Me not. As soon as I started sticking to at least some kind of routine on Monday, by Wednesday I was already giving up this business. Self-discipline? Once I went for a run in the morning. About four years ago. Self-confidence? Oh, she filled me up after the success seminars. It took exactly three days. I'm a pro at postponing. I love watching old movies when I have to do important things. My positive attitude is inevitably replaced by fits of despondency. As my kindly but tactless friend once said, "Barbara, if you can do it, anyone can."

And I did.

Eleven years ago, I landed in New York, divorced, with two small children, penniless, and a bachelor's degree in anthropology. (Laughing? So you know how much life is worth from this degree.) We were forced to live on welfare while I was looking for a job. Fortunately, I found what I liked. I worked with people, not with papers. Over the next ten years, she opened two very successful businesses, wrote two books and one study guide for her seminars, and raised two healthy, sweet boys. (And she also lost nine kilograms. And even quit smoking. Twice.) And yet she has not changed a bit for the better. I'm still constantly distracted by doing something. I often find myself in a very bad mood. But I have achieved everything myself and I love my life even at times when I hate myself. By my own definition, I am a winner. So you can become one too.

I relate to this short word as a starving person to bread. Ten years ago, if some kind soul had told me exactly how to turn my dreams into reality, instead of kindly assuring me that it was even possible, I would have saved a lot of time and not suffered. While I tried to believe in myself and overcome bad habits, I failed and blamed myself for this. This went on until she gave up trying to fix herself and tried to come up with techniques that would work in any conditions (because she was not going to live to the grave without getting what she wanted, deserve it or not). It was then that I came across the secret of those who have achieved true success. It's not about the genes of a superhero and not a steel grip, as the myths say. Everything is much easier. What is needed is to know the right techniques and get support.

You don't need mantras, self-hypnosis, character building programs, or a new toothpaste to get started creating the life of your dreams. You need hands-on problem-solving techniques, planning, skills, and access to relevant materials, information, and contacts. (See , and .) You need a smart strategy for managing feelings and weaknesses like fear, discouragement, and laziness that won't go away. (See also.) Changes in your life can cause temporary emotional storms in relationships with loved ones, and you need to learn how to deal with this while getting the extra friendship support you need to make risky decisions. (See .)

The "embodying" part of the book is based on the needs and capabilities of people - such as they are, and not as they should be. I had to deal with all this on my own, through trial and error. I don't think you have to go that hard way either. So I'm sharing with you the results of my experiments: the techniques tested in the "success teams". Thousands of men and women have used them to make dreams come true in everything from stud farming to hand-binding books, from choir singing to city planning, from writing children's books to selling securities. The second half of “Dreaming is not harmful” is a detailed answer to the question “how?”. Now I will tell you only one thing: you do not need to change yourself, because, firstly, this is impossible, and secondly, you are already good enough. With the help of pencil, paper, your imagination, your family and friends, you will create a life support system that will take care of all the hard work and allow you to operate with maximum energy.

But, of course, first you have to find out what you want.

The first half of the book is devoted to desires. Unlike the ability to turn dreams into reality, the very real - akin to engineering or carpentry - the ability to desire does not need to be learned. In humans, it is innate, like the ability to fly in birds. You don't need anything extra to get your imagination going, but there are a few things you need to get rid of. From the enchanting spell "it can't be done". And from the heavy burden of disappointment that you probably carry after the last unsuccessful attempt to fulfill your dream. Many of us have never been taught how to make a dream come true, and after a few attempts, we have become convinced that it is impossible or terribly difficult. So we began to aim lower and be content with what seems affordable. But here's what's interesting: the art of granting wishes, which the book talks about, will not work if you do not put your wildest hopes and most cherished dreams into the cause. Methods and strategies explain as win, but our desires are extremely important why, is the force that drives the entire mechanism.

Our language is full of expressions about the impracticability and helplessness of desires - “one will not achieve anything by wanting”, “wishing the moon from the sky”, “an incorporeal fantasy”, “a hopeless dreamer”. Fluff is everything. Desires and dreams are the source of all human effort. See for yourself: mankind has been striving for the Moon for many millennia, and in the 20th century we got there. That's what desire, together with skill, can do: it can change reality. Yes, one desire is not enough for this. It, like steam without an engine, will simply dissipate in the air. But a technique without desire is like a cold and empty engine: it will not work. If something seems difficult, stop and try to understand what exactly is difficult for you: paperwork? dig a ditch? wash the floor? If necessary, you can do this, but it is incredibly difficult to put your heart into such an activity and devote your whole life to it.

In our society there are a lot of hardworking and responsible people who know as get the job done, but never felt they were allowed to look inward and find out what what they want to do. If you are one of them, then the first part of the book will be a revelation for you. It will help you understand how and why you lost touch with your dream, and tell you about simple and enjoyable exercises to bring it back. And then help make what you love a real goal. Doing what you love is far from impractical or irresponsible, rather it can be compared to an oil well: you get a burst of energy that will take you to the pinnacle of success.

On the other hand, if you started reading the book with a clear understanding of your desires and goals and are only looking for specific instructions on how to achieve them, you may be tempted to jump straight to the second part. But still read the first part. It will be easier for you to formulate goals as clearly as possible, which is already half the victory. I promise this will expand your understanding of what can be done in one human life.

The famous psychotherapist Rollo May wrote a book called "Love and Will" 2
Rollo May. Love and will. M.: "Vintage", 2013.

My book is about love and skill, the two most important components of real success. And now let's move on to you.

Part I. Human Genius: Feeding and Care

Chapter 1

Who do you think you are? A very interesting question. And how interesting it would be if those who asked us about this in childhood really wanted to get a sensible answer. Unfortunately, they did not need the answer at all - they already had it ready. They spoke:

“Who do you think you are? Sarah Bernard? Take off that shawl this minute and wash the dishes!”

“Who do you think you are? Charles Darwin? Get that nasty turtle off my desk and go do some arithmetic!”

"Are you an astronaut? A scientist like Madame Curie? Movie star? Who do you think you are anyway?"

Familiar? Many of us have heard this question growing up. Usually at that critical moment when we are especially vulnerable, because we decide on something for the sake of our dreams, plans, cherished thoughts. But just imagine that this question is asked with interest and participation, without causticity and the usual contemptuous tone.

I propose to conduct a very simple experiment. I will ask you this question again. But now try to hear the question in it. A question that is waiting for your answer. Who do you think you are?

Exercise 1. Who do you think you are?

Take a blank sheet of paper (you and I will use a lot of paper) and answer - from a few phrases to half a page - the question: who do you think you are? I'm very interested. What are the four or five main traits that define your personality? There are no right and wrong answers here, and there is only one rule: do not think too long and hard. Just write down the first thing that comes to mind: "It's me."

Now take a look at your answer. I'm more than fifty percent sure that you wrote something like:

"I'm twenty-eight, Catholic, single, working as a secretary in an electronics company, living in Buffalo."

"Height 178 cm, weight 79 kg, black-haired, brown-eyed, Italian, former football player, vote Democratic, Vietnam veteran, electrical appliance salesman."

"Former teacher, married to the man she loves, a general practitioner, mother of three amazing children: Marty, thirteen, Jimmy, eight, and Eliza, five and a half."

Or:

“Cherny, was born in Detroit, the eldest of five children in the family. My father worked for General Motors. Studied at Wayne University, B.A. Programmer. Next summer I will marry the girl I have loved since high school.”

When we meet, we usually say something like: “I work here, I live there, married, not married, I earn money, I don’t earn money, my mother is so-and-so, a Protestant, I go to school.” Having exchanged such data about our life and work, we think that we have told the main thing and we have some idea about each other.

What can I say? We are wrong.

Undoubtedly, all this is very important for us. Our life, in fact, consists of life experience, history, roles, relationships, earnings, skills. Some of these we choose. Some of what we call our choice is actually a compromise. Something totally random.

But that is not your essence.

You may be surprised, but if I, sitting next to you, helped you choose a goal and plan an ideal life for you, then I would not ask about anything like that. I wouldn't care how you make money, unless you love your job. I would not ask about what you usually include in a resume - experience, skills, education. Too often we are great at doing things we never chose to do, things we were forced to do, like typing or scrubbing floors (as in my case). It's not at all what we like.

When it comes time to choose a business that you would do with joy and energy, a business that would bring you stunning success, your skills are completely unimportant. Moreover, they can even get in the way if you do not severely relegate them to the background. Forget about them for a while.

Yes, yes, that's right. I want you to forget now about your job (unless you adore it), your family (even if you adore it), responsibilities, education - everything that makes up your reality and personality. Don't worry. They won't go anywhere. I know they are important to you. Some of this is necessary and very expensive. But all this is not you. Now focus on yourself.

I'm interested in, what do you like.

Perhaps you can provide an answer. Perhaps not. It could be your job, hobby, sport, going to the movies, something you like to read about, a subject you'd like to study in school, something that fascinates you when you happen upon it even if it's nothing. don't know about it.

The unique pattern of your talents, abilities, hidden in what you love, is a map for finding a life path.

Good day to all dear readers

  • dream- movie star
  • touchstone- recognition thanks to a great game;
  • role model- actress An Bankfort;
  • goal- Oscar award".

Points 2 and 3 help the first point not be vague, and the last one dry and emotionless.

The power of negative thinking

Now there will be a lot of quotes;)

Complaining, grumbling, nagging, whining, annoyed, angry - an amazing and very useful occupation. You just have to learn how to do it right. Man by nature cannot feel good all the time.

Great idea, isn't it? After all, it was definitely noticed in the book that any folk poetry is a series of curses and complaints directed to heaven. People didn't go to psychiatrists before, they released their pain through songs and dances.

And then “at some point we accepted an absurd idea inherent in our culture. Allegedly, in order to succeed, you need to constantly maintain a positive attitude.

Stupidity indeed.

Forcing yourself to think positively is a surefire way to do nothing at all.. But a negative attitude, on the contrary, will make you do it.

When we get angry and hate ourselves and everyone around us, everything boils inside us. But we are beginning to prove to ourselves that this is not possible. Suppress, suppress, until we become discouraged.

Dejection is an acute lack of energy, and a negative attitude is energy, pure, evil, first-class energy. But we have become so accustomed to suppressing it and considering it something taboo that we have forgotten what every two-year-old child knows: how pleasant a flash of anger is.

All you have to do is embrace the idea of ​​giving them an ecological outlet and not blaming yourself for periods of downturns and crises. After all, they are a natural part of our journey.

What can be done when universal sadness covers?

  • directly ask someone to listen to their complaints, explaining in advance that you need sympathy, supportive nods of the head, with a closed mouth and an open heart. Sometimes we just need to speak out, and not listen to a series of recommendations in response, and that everything will be fine.
  • start a hard times notebook

Write down curses, confess your fears, bask in your worst qualities, concoct any crazy escape routes. The rules are the same as for complaints aloud, including in public. Accept your complaints with sympathy and pleasure. Have fun if you can. No need to rationalize, apologize, explain, argue with yourself. And, first of all, never try to solve your problems in the hard times notebook. This is the place for pure negativity.

And finally...

I also really liked Barbara's conviction that in order to be a specialist, to study and earn money, it is not necessary to go to university. This does not apply, of course, to professions such as doctors and lawyers, for example. And for the rest, the book contains ideas on how to achieve everything without a diploma of a higher educational institution. The easiest thing to do is to become an apprentice. Given the realities of our education, this is a great idea.

Even in the book, well, Mrs. Sher teaches in great detail how to build flowcharts, plans for 5 years, a month, a week, today or tomorrow. Who to call, what to carry in your pocket, how to equip your workplace - all this is in the book.

To be honest, I personally did not have the desire to create flowcharts and meet with a support group. It is enough for me to always keep in the background what is important to me, and remember where I am going. Everything else adds up without detailed planning and kicks from the outside. I leave room to be in the flow. What did you write about in the post.

Looking back at all the books I've read by Barbara Sher, I can say that what I liked the most was Dreaming About. Although it may be because I started with it). Have you read Barbara's books? Which one did you like the most?

My reviews of other books by Barbara Sher:

Again, this post is longer than I wanted. And I also wanted to talk about the inner child. I'll leave that for another post ;)

Until then, it's time to say goodbye. See you soon;)

With a wish of happiness,

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