In the domestic works of psychologists devoted to the science of communication, as a rule, there is always an indication of the inadmissibility of using a mentoring tone that provokes a negative reaction to it from the interlocutor. Let's take a closer look at what a mentoring tone is, and how unambiguous the statement about the inadmissibility of its use is.

The history of the term

The word "mentor" came to us from hoary antiquity, from ancient Greek mythology. This name is mentioned by the poet Homer in his classic poem about the wanderings of Odysseus. When the protagonist went to fight Troy, he instructed his friend Mentor to look after his son Telemachus and instruct him. The teacher diligently fulfilled his duties. He taught Telemachus, protected him from stupid things, gave reasonable advice. Until our time, the name Mentor has come down as a common noun, it means a teacher, mentor, someone who is smarter and acts more correctly.

The meaning of the word "mentor" in Russian everyday life

In the Russian understanding, a mentor is a synonym for a stern teacher who demonstrates his superiority over his students, as a result of which he addresses them with some arrogance.

If the interlocutor is unshakably sure that he is right and communicates with outsiders in a tone that does not tolerate objections, they say that he has taken a "mentor tone". By communicating in this way, the mentor demonstrates his conviction that his judgments cannot be erroneous, he does not give the right to the existence of a point of view different from his own.

In Russian literature, both artistic and scientific, the term "mentor tone" is used from a negative point of view, this expression always has an ironic connotation. The mentor is characterized as a person who is overly self-confident, does not respect his interlocutors, and allows incorrect arrogance towards others.

Why it is unacceptable to use a mentoring tone in communication

Psychologists advise in every possible way to avoid arrogance in relation to others. Who can take the mentor tone:

• parents in communication with the child;
• teacher in communication with the student;
• leader in relation to subordinates;
• a successful person to others;
• leader in his group.

However, each person wants to feel his significance, everyone is pleased when his opinion is treated with respect and sympathy. Naturally, the speaker's swagger and megalomania can only alienate his listeners. Mentoring tone can significantly reduce the self-esteem of the one to whom it is used regularly, nullify the results of even the most brilliant speech. It causes hostility, resentment, a desire to take revenge.

In diplomacy, pretentious remarks and a mentoring tone are a direct path to a political crisis. The latter may even be the reason for the outbreak of war.

Mentor-mentor

However, only in our country the concept of "mentor" has a negative connotation, although the hero of Homer was a wise and caring teacher. Therefore, in Europe in the Middle Ages, this word was respectfully called mentors, teachers.

Today, the word "mentor" is increasingly used to refer to a competent teacher. Mentoring in the scientific literature is defined as a way of communicating with gifted children, as a way of transferring experience and knowledge. In this case, mentoring is associated with mentoring and involves feedback between the teacher and the student. This way of communication implies not only the transfer of knowledge, but also support, and encouragement, and the disclosure of the potential of the pupil.

A mentor-mentor is an attentive assistant, at the same time he is quite strict and demanding, does not make indulgences, speaks honestly about the results of work, even if they are not the best. This way of communication between the educator and the gifted student is recognized as highly effective, as it helps the latter to get together and show his full potential.

> "Mentor tone": what is it?

Alexander
Whether this concept is objective or subjective - this question has been of great interest to me lately. And you?

Tatyana

Closer to a subjective assessment. Perhaps the speaking mentor's mask has become his 2nd, me, (without a real reflection of the essence of this person). A frequent illness of teachers :-)

Alexander
I agree, and it also seems to me that there is a phenomenon of "mentor tone phobia", although I have not found direct references to this phenomenon in the scientific and psychological literature ...

Tatyana

Maybe this is not quite a phobia, but the natural protection of the listener from an external irritant - a subconscious negative memory. I personally turn off hearing for the voice of a certain relative. Perception is blocked ... For others, the sound signal can cause other feelings: from aggression to ... what whatever. :-D

Pavel

Of course, the mentoring tone exists only in the perception of the listener. Those. subjective.

1. When another person says what I, or with my participation, needs to do. At the same time, this person does not have, in my opinion, formal authority (the right of position) and informal (the right of an expert in a particular issue)

2. When another person makes value judgments about my personality or actions, i.e. hangs labels. This is different from "I" statements. Comparison: You say superficial things // I have not heard evidence of your position

3. When the other person tries to take a condescending/benevolent stance toward me (from above) - implying (by stylistics or intonation) that he knows the subject under discussion better/more/deeper

Rose

and the mentoring tone does not irritate me. I understand that often this is a "habit that is over us
it is given and a substitute for happiness. "This tone often harms its owner and I think that this is enough. For me, this is a form that often does not correspond to the content.
Recently, I have been annoyed in real life by the attempts of high officials to become closer to the people and, in connection with this, their completely unnatural behavior. familiarity, which really does not exist.

Pavel

Some habits make communication very difficult. If the "mentor" is interested in constructive communication, it may be worth reviewing your habits.

I agree that the "mentor" himself suffers in the first (and often in the only) turn.

Marina

Personally, this tone annoys me terribly. I immediately want to resist, prove the opposite point of view and even run into trouble.

Tatyana

The mentoring tone is well opposed by calm self-confidence and light irony. And the development of the conversation on the principle of bringing it to logical absurdity.

margarita

IMHO. People who are characterized by this manner very often feel insecure in a team or in the topic of conversation. Therefore, they spend titanic efforts to maintain authority in such a primitive way, which makes them even more vulnerable, and their manipulation more successful.

Rose

Mentor is the name of a friend of the Greek hero Odysseus, who, knowing his mind and prudence, Odysseus, leaving for the war with Troy, entrusted the upbringing of his son Telemachus and supervision of him.
In our speech, the word "mentor" is equivalent to the word "mentor", "leader". It is usually used with a somewhat hostile connotation, as "annoying and pedantic adviser." "Mentor tone" - mentoring, arrogant.
Our mentor, remember his cap, bathrobe,
Index finger, all signs of learning
How our timid minds disturbed ... -
says Chatsky about his mentor.

Arina

Ne perenoshu sovershenno, navernoe eto i est "fobija mentorskogo tona... i NASTAVNIK mozet byt" delikatnym, ja dumaju... :-)

Natasha

In my opinion, this topic would be great to "get along" under the title of the topic of manipulation. as a subtopic.

Pauline

Of course, the "mentor tone" in communication is unacceptable, unconstructive!... But.... what, sometimes, to do and how to avoid his parents in relation to their child, when everything has been explained, said, repeated more than once... When and I don’t want to be boring and I can’t condone. I'm constantly fighting with myself!

Pauline

I must add that this is not about beliefs, tastes, views ... here I hope I am democratic. But in purely everyday, behavioral matters ... Apparently my fault, that I invested, I reap. Moms! Don't be overprotective!

Rose

about the mentor tone. my son's best math teacher had a mentoring tone. I have already given an example about the best teacher in one of the topics. Now about his tone. it was a tutor. and after the first lesson, the son said that he would not go to his lesson again. I had to use all the diplomacy that I can to get my
son to go to the 2nd lesson. The result is excellent grades in mathematics, knowledge, and great respect for the teacher.

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