Too simple people are not respected. What to do if you are not respected

Always do your best work. Those who do everything carefully, check the details and do not shy away from duties command respect. And here it is not the length of service and professionalism that is important, but diligence and responsibility. In any team, they appreciate those who can do everything with high quality, on time. And this does not require much effort, it is only important to always understand what all this is for and what you want to get as a result.

Learn to accept complaints and criticism of your work. Perfect people do not exist, which means that tasks are not completed 100%. Very often there will be comments about the performance of tasks, and this does not apply to you, does not hurt you as a person, but only helps to improve. The ability to admit mistakes is a rare quality that characterizes a professional. And if you also correct them, then the effectiveness will increase, and this will definitely cause respect.

To be respected, always keep your promises. If you have taken up some business, do not quit it, do not refuse at the last moment. Know how to correctly calculate your time. Don't say you can help if you really can't. Also, do not let a person down without warning him that you will not be able to fulfill his plan. Circumstances may vary, call ahead if things don't add up.

Don't talk bad about other people, don't criticize them behind their backs, be honest. Backbiting, comparison and ridicule do not characterize a person from the good side. Try not to start such conversations yourself, and not to participate if others begin to do so. The less negativity you radiate, the better those around you perceive. Respect other people. If someone treats you disrespectfully, think about who you behaved the same way with? The world usually reflects what we ourselves contribute to it.

Respect is earned by a person who knows how to behave culturally in different situations, for example, during a dinner in a restaurant or a party at a disco. It's nice to communicate with a person who can keep up the conversation, has an idea about different areas of life. Pay attention to appearance, etiquette, ability to speak. All these qualities will help earn respect, make you a very attractive person in the eyes of others.

Self respect

Never condemn yourself in front of other people. No need to make excuses and belittle your dignity. How can you respect a person if he does not treat himself with respect? Of course, you don’t need to go to extremes, don’t overpraise yourself, but don’t hide your strengths either. Treat yourself adequately, with a share of criticism, but do not speak out loud about what you are changing in yourself.

I'm playing a game where I let them win. I'm playing a game I don't want to play, I don't know how to play, and worse, I don't even know I'm playing it. And in this game, I'm always a loser. Because the cards were dealt long before it began. Because the best people are not valued by other people.

1. I feel bad for you when you violate my boundaries. Instead of asking myself what's going on with my relationship, I ask him what's wrong? I minimize my needs because I love too much.

2. I do not feel when they start to run into me for the first time. I didn't get much respect when I was a kid and not much has changed since then. As long as the situation does not go beyond all possible boundaries, I consider it normal. And then it turns out too late.

He is always stressed, angry, caustic, tired ... All these are signs that your partner is from the category of "toxic" people, but if he is still next to you, this is also a sign that the boundaries do not exist or have been there for a long time moved on.

Chaos occurs when there are no boundaries in relationships.

If someone acts like they don't care about you, then they really don't care about you.

3. I forgive right away. When I finally realize that I'm being disrespected, I think, "They didn't want to." And I automatically forgive. Or at least I convince them that what they have done is bad.

What the heck? Instead of standing up and standing up for myself, I teach them good manners.

4. I choose between relationships and self-esteem. I want love. This is a healthy desire. Everyone wants love. But I do not want to be alone for a minute and I protect my relationship at the cost of many concessions.

5. I begin to convince you that I am worth something, instead of acting. I remind you that I am a good friend, wife, I give examples of how I took care of you. This is the biggest co-dependency mistake: trying to change what people think of you instead of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't work.

The only way to show another that you are worth something is to be worth something. And there is only one way to do it - to believe in it yourself. When you know your worth, you don't have to prove anything.

6. I believe that the one who loves me will never offend me. I see the world full of kind people, and it never occurs to me that someone who loves me might deliberately want to hurt me. I live in a world of fairy tales and fantasies, which at some point, for some unknown reason, turns into a world of nightmares.

I don't know one simple truth: Just because I love someone with all my heart doesn't guarantee that they will treat me well.

I have yet to learn an important thing: I must always protect myself by setting my own boundaries, no matter how much I love.

7. I think he feels and thinks like me. My purpose in relationships is pure and innocent: to love, to help, to protect. And I sincerely (and wrongly!) think that everyone around has the same goals as me. No, there are selfish, corrupt, cunning people in the world. And yet I still ignore the warning signs.

Even the nicest people in the world will not refuse to use you if you give them the opportunity.

8. I don't want to offend anyone, even if they offend me. I am very careful in relationships. I move carefully and make sure I don't step on anyone's feet, I don't want to hurt anyone, even at the cost of my own pain. I even try to shield them from the experience of hurting me. I hide it and pretend that everything is fine. It doesn't occur to me that if someone acts like they don't care about you, then they really don't care about you.

9. I am blind to the truth and don't believe that anyone can WANT to offend me. But even the nicest people in the world will not refuse to use you if you give them the opportunity.

10. I need your assessment. Ever since I was a child, I have felt that there is something wrong with me. I need you to tell me that I'm good because I still can't tell myself that. And I also want you to admit that you were wrong when you offended me. That is, it turns out - I need another person in order to say that I can not be offended. And what do you think he will say?

11. I am a very empathic person: 100% empathy for you and 0 % - for yourself. When someone offended me, I feel embarrassed for him. I take responsibility for other people's feelings even when they hurt mine. This is the path to heaven, but it leads straight to hell.

12. I automatically think that everyone is right and I am wrong. Because the first thought that occurs to me when someone offends me is: “Probably I was wrong. What did I do wrong?

13. I am a magnet for those who like to play power. I am attracted to narcissists and egotists because I allow myself to be used. If I had to choose scenarios to play in, it would be a vampire drinking blood, an innocent victim laying his head on a chopping block, a sheep being sheared... The behavior of the victim is comfortable for me. And the Universe continues to give me what I myself ask of it ...

14. I don't know what respect looks like. It seems to me - you need to live in order to find yourself and your love, despite all the mistakes that I made. The idea that you can be in a relationship where you are respected, “just like that”, without doing anything for this, is alien to me.

15. I love everyone, and I feel sorry for them when they offend me. Emotionally, I am more attuned to others than to myself. I can't catch my own wave and hear what it sounds like.

16. I don't decide for myself. I ask others if what they have done to me is good. I seek consensus and compromise - before doing anything in my favor. I believe that until I receive confirmation from another, I can not decide anything. Actually, it's called helplessness.

Think about what is happening: I ask what is happening and why, from the one who offended me. I'm looking for confirmation from someone who does not respect me, so that he says that he does not respect me ...

17. I don't build boundaries. The following reasons:

1) I want to please someone else

2) do not want complications,

3) I don’t know what I myself need, and I don’t think about it,

4) don't know how to do it.

18. I feel guilty when I can't give you everything.

19. I am uncomfortable in equal relationships. I need to give. So I feel like I'm worth something.

20. I'm afraid to be alone. Because I believe that relationships with others are much more important than relationships with oneself. Once I was small and thought that I would die without love. But I continue to live this old story and do not think that much has changed since then.

I don't know that the moment I don't let another person control my emotions, there will be inner peace.

No one is immune from negative attitudes at work. Regardless of financial status, age, gender or education, an employee may be subjected to psychological harassment by his colleagues. What is the right way to behave in such a situation? Going with the flow in this case is probably the worst option. Prolonged exposure to constant stress will take away all your strength and harm your health.

The manifestation of disrespectful attitude at work can be demonstrated by both colleagues and management. As a rule, newcomers who have only recently settled down are most often subjected to psychological persecution. "Experienced" employees see them as competitors. Therefore, trolling of newcomers is very common in many companies. “Old” employees can also become the object of ridicule and unpleasant attitude. For example, if the authorities began to praise them often, thereby causing envy among other employees.

The reasons for disrespecting colleagues are frequent complaints to superiors, denunciations, boasting, helpfulness to management, and much more. It happens that a smart and erudite worker is mistaken for an upstart who wants to seem better than he is. Therefore, if you have a high level of intelligence, try not to show it too much in front of your colleagues. Demonstrate your abilities in the performance of work duties, this will help you earn the respect of management. Sometimes a person is not loved for straightforwardness and honesty. In teams where gossip flourishes, it will be difficult for such a person to take root. If you oppose the discussions of other employees, then the next gossip will be about your person. If you do not want to participate in such intrigues, leave such a team.

Methods of psychological bullying:

Undeserved accusations. For example, you and a colleague were entrusted with an important task. A colleague made mistakes and said that you did it.
Demonstrative oblique glances in your direction.
All kinds of humiliation. For example, at a general meeting you present your project, and your colleagues say that the ideas are bad and criticize you in every possible way.
Constantly changing rules and objectives to force you to redo the work you've done.
The management specifically does not notice your achievements and positive results of work. No matter how hard you try, it will not affect your promotion in any way.
Constant criticism of your work, which periodically turns into personal qualities.
Rumors or gossip are spread about you.

How to deal with negative attitudes towards yourself?

Try to be a smiling and friendly person. Be kind to all colleagues. A positive attitude will keep you safe.
Don't talk too much about your personal life. Don't listen to or spread gossip.
Try to act and look like everyone else. Try not to stand out too much from the background of others, but you should not lose your face either.
Do not succumb to the provocations of offenders. Be respectful and don't let yourself be bullied. If you are rude, do not respond in kind. Tell them in a businesslike way that you will not tolerate this attitude towards yourself. If you are entrusted with something that is not part of your duties, be able to firmly and kindly refuse.
Follow the traditions that have developed in the team.
If you are friends with management, do not tell the whole office about it. At work, observe subordination, and devote free time to friendship.
Do your job correctly and efficiently. This way you will save ill-wishers from the opportunity to use your mistakes against you.
If you are asked for help, do not refuse. Help your colleagues in any way you can. But be careful not to take advantage of your kindness.

No one is protected from the manifestation of negativity in their direction, it is especially difficult for beginners. Therefore, it is important to position yourself correctly from the first days of work. Be polite and open, do not try to play roles that are unusual for you. Help colleagues and do your job with great responsibility. Always treat yourself and others with respect.

If for women the concept of "respect" lies in the emotional sphere, then for men it has a more practical meaning.

My wife doesn't respect me! I have lost respect for my husband! In our relationship, respect for each other has disappeared ...- the family psychologist hears such complaints every day.

If you ask any person what they would like from a relationship with other people, I am sure that most often you will hear the word "respect".

What is respect and why is it

The need for respect for most people is among the top priorities. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, age and gender, we are very sensitive in everything that concerns respect.

Why? What gives us respect?

To answer this question, let's try to define respect. It is quite difficult to give a simple and understandable definition right off the bat, so let's try to construct this definition.

1. Respect is the attitude of one person(groups of people) to another person(group of people)

2. This relationship is based on mutual recognition of the merits of the personality of each of these people.(groups of people).

3. Recognition of the priority of their safety and non-harm: physical, psychological and moral.

4. Recognition of their fundamental rights to freedom, self-expression, religion, etc.

As can be seen from our definition, Respect is a whole complex of concepts that affects, oddly enough, our instinct for self-preservation!

Now it becomes clear why in personal relationships the problem of loss / restoration of respect becomes one of the central ones.

In order to understand what gives us respect, let's look at the diagram:

As can be seen from the diagram for men (highlighted in blue) and for women (highlighted in red), the priority qualities in the concept of "respect" are different things.

If for women the concept of "respect" lies in the emotional sphere, then for men it has a more practical meaning. Understanding these differences becomes especially important when we try to analyze what behaviors and actions inevitably lead to the loss of respect from him or her.

Before talking about the reasons for the disappearance of respect in relationships, let's think about how this concept is formed in a person in principle.

In order for a person to be able to respect others, he must have an appropriate upbringing based on mutual respect for men and women, children for parents, parents for children, as well as for other people. And one more important addition is this man must respect himself!

There is a very close relationship between self-respect and respect for others. Surely many people know the axiom that it is impossible to gain respect from others without respecting yourself. It is believed that a person's self-esteem is divided into two components:

emotional- how I feel about myself in terms of "good and evil", my assessment of myself as a "good" or "bad" person, and

rational- an indicator of my competence, professionalism, success. Note that both components that form self-esteem in men and women are different.

Consider the figure:

From the figure it becomes clear that we call respectful such an attitude towards us that strengthens or at least maintains our self-esteem.

Accordingly, "unfriendly" behavior that calls into question my competence or my self-esteem, I will regard as disrespectful. In relations between a man and a woman, respect is closely related to sex-role behavior, more precisely, with the expectation of a certain behavior.

Let's look at a simple example.

A man and a woman are driving in a car. Stopped.

The man got out of the car, opened the door on the woman's side and helped her out of the car.

The man showed respect to the lady (he helped to get out of the car), the woman showed respect to the man, waiting for him to come up to help out, thanked him, thereby showing that she was confident in his good manners.

Respect breeds respect.

Unfortunately, manifestations of disrespect begin with "little things", the most typical of them are: lack of elementary gratitude at the level of thanks", inattention, failure to fulfill one's promises, raising one's voice.

Of course, some will respond to this, and some will not. I'm sure you know the saying that "little lies breed big mistrust"? The same can be said for respect. small acts of disrespect grow into big problems over time.

Signs of chronic disrespect in men and women are shown in the following figure:

It is important to note that respect is lost not only when such behavior is manifested directly to this person, but also to his relatives, friends or colleagues.

My husband does not respect my mother! My wife does not respect my friends!

Periodically, at the reception, I have to hear how this or that client speaks about the loss of respect for his wife / husband due to her / his disrespectful attitude towards relatives or friends.

Indeed, we often associate ourselves with people close to us and tend to take on our own account what is not always directed directly at us.

Why is this happening?

Belonging to a group (and family, friends, colleagues - this is a group) gives us an additional sense of security and comfort, so the manifestation of disrespect for this "our" group automatically extends to us. In disconnected families, where there are no close emotional ties, this does not happen.

There are a number of behaviors that almost always cause a long-term(if not final) loss of respect.

They are well known, they are: betrayal (treason), humiliation, insult, lies, violence.

Regardless of gender, a person who encounters such manifestations on the part of a partner instantly loses respect for him. Restoring respect after such acts is unusually difficult. This is due to the fact that each of these acts deeply hurts the self-esteem of the injured person, hurts him. Pain and respect are incompatible.

A feature of respect is that it is much more difficult to earn it than to lose it. In this sense, respect as a concept is close to trust.

What to do if you feel a loss of respect for yourself from your loved ones?

Here is a simple step-by-step guide that can help regain lost respect.

1. Look at yourself.

Analyze your behavior as "possibly wrong" in relation to the person. Maybe you violated his "boundaries", doubted his value, or simply offended ...

Not everyone is able to openly and immediately declare a wrong attitude towards themselves. Unspoken hurts don't go anywhere.

Having admitted the wrongness of your behavior, do not rush to immediately ask for forgiveness, but rather try to understand why (?) you did this.

Without understanding the motives of your behavior, you run the risk of repeating it in the future. The next step in your analysis will be to find another way to act that will not be perceived by your partner as disrespectful.

2. Start a dialogue.

Tell your partner how important his respectful attitude is to you and how you feel when such an attitude is not. Don't make excuses or shift the blame from yourself to him.

Admit your mistakes by simply listing them. Recognize the right of a person to be offended by you and change their attitude towards you.

3. Ask for forgiveness.

It's forgiveness, not apologies.

Not many people know that there are big differences between these two terms.

Apology is a more formal, secular term. Its essence boils down to asking to withdraw the apologetic from the "state of guilt". Forgiveness is a more personal term, not to say intimate - its essence is a request to accept repentance.

4. Take action.

Whether you've been forgiven or not, your awareness of your mistakes must be transformed into a new attitude and actions.

Remember that you first need to regain your respect for yourself and you are on the right track. published If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project