Low self-esteem in adolescents symptoms of psychology. Ways to correct self-esteem

Decreased self-esteem is an inevitable part of adolescence. But the anxiety and self-doubt of the child can be aggravated, or, on the contrary, you can let him believe in himself. Parents still have many ways to influence a teenager, although he sometimes seems aloof.

You have, of course, seen from your own experience how good it is to know that there is someone who supports you, is on your side. And on the contrary, how bad it is to feel alone and rejected.

And if there is a period in a person's life when it is important to have someone on your side, it is a transitional age. Our children are rushing forward without any experience, so they need assistance from our side - from adults.

Being on the side of a teenager in practice means being empathetic, actively listening, showing interest, maintaining trust and contact, even if the growing child behaves stupidly. It is necessary to understand what is happening, but at the same time continue to treat it with warmth. Below is an inspiring example of such an attitude.

Causes of low self-esteem in children

What should parents do?

Be a worthy example

In most cases, the apple does not fall far from the tree: teenagers look to their parents as a role model and end up becoming a lot like their mother and father.

Thus, young people's drinking habits are influenced by what they observe at home, and this influence is much stronger than it might seem at first glance. The level of education of most young people corresponds to the level of education of their parents, and their political views tend to be similar to those of their parents.

We tend to underestimate the power of our own influence on teenagers. What we do, how we act, matters as much as our words. If you tell your daughter that you can’t spend a lot of time at the computer, and you yourself don’t tear yourself away from your iPad, then your words are just empty words.

Try to match words with deeds as closely as possible so that your instructions do not contradict the behavior that you demonstrate to a teenager.

Praise

All people seek acceptance, we all desire to be liked by others. This is the basis of our nature, because we are herd animals, and most of all we want to be part of a social community.

When parents, teachers and other adults notice the achievements and abilities of a teenager, express their approval to him, there are moments of small and big triumph: “I can!”, “They like me!”. Such experiences awaken determination and faith in one's abilities, strengthen self-esteem.

Why praise? For example, when a child:

did something that required effort;
did some work;
showed a quality that we appreciate;
did what we asked;
dealt with something;
was friendly and responsive;
showed courage.

And also in many other situations.

When you praise a teenager, you tell him a lot at once. First, praise, of course, reinforces the skill or trait in question: "You did your homework so well." Secondly, praise also works on a deeper level. A teenager who is being praised feels that he is accepted, that his parents want to see the good in him (“They see that I really try”). Therefore, praise expands the possibilities of effective communication with a teenager, while swearing limits them.

Work on yourself

Adolescents (like small children) can inadvertently touch certain strings in us - and then we begin to act automatically, which is far from always rational. We have already talked about the feeling of powerlessness that easily arises when a teenager does not do what we want. However, not only this activates the "panic button" in the parents. Here are some real life examples.

The mother began to lose self-confidence when she found that men looked more at her grown-up sixteen-year-old daughter. She began to compete with her in the expression of sexuality. The girl noticed her mother's behavior and found it disgusting.
The father was unsettled by the fact that his fourteen-year-old son cheated on him in football. He became distant and cold. The young man felt some strange sense of shame and did not really understand how to behave.
The father became furious when the children showed signs of indecision and cowardice. The children were frightened and began to behave even more cowardly.

Such irrational reactions of adults are always based on something, there is always some kind of backstory. Sometimes it is useful to deal with this: having spoken out the reason that triggers anxiety in us, we can calm it down. Which is what happened to the father in the last example.

The family was referred for a consultation with a psychologist, as the school where the eldest son (fifteen years old) studied began to notice his increasing depression. After briefly discussing the situation, the psychologist asked the father about his own childhood: “Have you ever been afraid yourself? Have you ever been a coward?" The father thought for a moment and answered: “Yes, I was afraid of many things when I was very young. Spiders, for example. - "How did your parents react to this?" - asked the psychologist. A shadow passed over my father's face. It was obvious that he was excited. “I suddenly remembered how my father lost his temper and got angry when I was a child, and how scared I was then. I suddenly realized what my son has to do,” said the father in a trembling voice.

For the father, the conversation with the psychologist was an important turning point. The sudden discovery made him radically change his behavior towards his son. He no longer allowed himself outbursts of anger and asked for forgiveness if he nevertheless broke down.

All parents have their pain points. Your task is to understand what provokes you, unsettles you and makes you lose your head. Your child's sense of self and self-esteem will benefit when you take responsibility for your reactions. Especially if these reactions destroy the contact between you and the child.

Features of the psychology of adolescents

In psychology, there are special exercises and techniques that help increase the self-esteem of a teenager:

"Advice for Parentsformation of adequate self-esteemteenager"

Performed by Matoh T.V. - school psychologist of the secondary school No. 4 of Novodvinsk.

Main thoughts: How to make self-esteem adequate? The recommendations described below will help make self-assessment adequate.

What is family and adolescence.

Family - one of the most significant factors affecting the self-esteem of a teenager. The financial situation in the family rarely affects adolescent self-esteem if the parents themselves have adequate self-esteem and competently try to form it in their children. The family factor involves not only the relationship of parents to a teenager, it also includes the size of the family, the presence of brothers and sisters and seniority among children. For a young person, the source of low self-esteem is also the divorce of the parents or unfavorable relations between them.Teenage years - this is a period of special sensitivity of the psyche, which is why all of the above factors have a tremendous impact on the level of self-esteem of a young man or girl.

Many parents consider themselves experts in their children's actions, trying to set standards for their behavior. Naturally, in dealing with a child who is in adolescence, conflicts cannot be avoided, however, the outcome of such conflicts can be more successful if the relationship between parents and adolescents is based on mutual respect and trust. You should treat children as equals, respectfully and creatively deal with their problems.

It must be remembered thatthe help of parents to their children is based on uncontested love. Parents love their children not because they behave well, do good deeds, or study for fives. The house should be for a teenager a place where he is understood, loved, where he takes care of his younger brothers or sisters, where his grandmother adores him, to whom he can tell some kind of another meaningless story, where there are family holidays and special fun and performances. In principle, to arrange all this is not so difficult. Indeed, very often a teenager does not require help in completing the lessons (although this is possible), he longs for mutual understanding.

Based on the above material, we can attempt to develop a set of recommendations for parents of adolescent children aimed at making children feel trust and respect for their parents, which will contribute to the development of adolescent personality and self-esteem.

Try to involve your teenager in some activity. The more busy a teenager is, the better his emotional state: there is no time to be sad, offended by someone, you need to have time to go to a section or a music school.

Stock up on patience. See the mistakes and missteps of your teenage children as inevitable but temporary difficulties.

Be proud of your child and often let him understand this. Notice his successes, say how smart, talented, obedient he is. This will help him form and maintain a positive attitude towards himself in such a difficult life stage.

Maintain the strengths of his character and appearance. And focus on them.

To increase self-esteem in adolescents, parents can useways to switch negative feelings , who sometimes overwhelm their children, into socially acceptable activities:

Give the opportunity to speak out and thereby turn the discontent in the soul into words.

Express negative feelings clearly. After such close observation, they usually disappear.

Model a way out.

Teenagers' feelings inevitably lead them to action. To what? It largely depends on their parents. Behind unacceptable actions are negative feelings, and the act can be committed in adolescence, and the feelings that provoked it can be laid down in early, almost infancy.

There are two ways to help a teenager avoid dangerous behavior and increase his self-esteem: to satisfy those interests of the child that are acceptable, as well as to help him, explain and name his negative feelings.

Besides, teenagers should clearly know that there are three things that limit their activities:

1. this is required by safety and there is a threat to health;

2 . it threatens them or parental property;

3 . it is required by law and order of social acceptability.

Many parents interact with their children usingmanipulative ways. such as:

Alluring apples .

“Take the trash and I'll give you pocket money."

“I have two tickets to the concert. Be a good guy and we'll watch it."

Threats.

“I think I should go to school and find out about your progress.”

Comparisons.

“He doesn’t get as much pocket money as you get”, “Lena studies better than you”, “I like Dima, he is so polite”.

Insincere promises.

“I will talk to one person about your summer activities”, “I wish you had such a sweater”.

Blackmail.

“I will complain to my father, and he will deal with you”, “How little time you devote to homework. I am sure that if I tell your teacher about this, he will not be pleased.”

Illness as a means of control.

“If you don’t stop doing this, then I will have a heart attack”, “You just have to calm down - see, I’m getting a migraine.”

Love as a means .

“You wouldn't be doing this if you loved me even a little."

As a result, adolescents try to slip out of the patterns imposed on them by adults. There can be an infinite number of examples.

Let's say Lena goes to school on a cold morning wearing only a light jacket."Get your coat on now, her mother tells her. - Ethat jacket is too light” . The answer should be:"I do not want!". "I am your mother and you will do what I say." Do I need to add that Lena says with even greater determination:"I won't!"

Let's assume another option.“We both don’t want you to catch a cold, do we? mother says. -You know, I'm genuinely worried about you. Please enter into my position and advise what to do.” With this approach, the girl is likely to say:“Okay, let me put a sweater under the jacket.”

Naturally, conflicts will arise more than once, but their solution will be successful if it is based on the ideamutual respect . So mother , for your own good,should treat her daughter as an equal, not as a subordinate.

Let's consider one more example. Sergei fights with his father over homework. He doesn't want to do it now. He wants to go for a walk with his friends first.“Do your homework and then go” , says the father. And showing friendliness rather than hostility, he adds:“Let's see if we can agree. After all, we both want you to finish school, and for this you need to strictly do your homework, right? Sergey agrees with this, but he still does not want to do the lessons at the same time."Let's, - he suggests “I will get up early in the morning and do everything.” "Fine - agrees the father, -but if you don't get up, next month you will have to leave the club - you will see from your own experience that it is not possible for you to combine the club and your studies.

The father made a concession, and this is much better than a protracted conflict that turns the lives of many families into a nightmare.

The parent who choseupdated style of behavior , first of all, will try to direct the activity of a teenager in a constructive direction. He understands that their child's endless protests are necessary for his growth. Ultimately, so many protests from the teenager fall on the heads of the parents because he trusts them more than all the people in the world and is internally sure that they will love him despite the riots and aggression. With strangers, he behaves much calmer and more delicately.

A teenager is trying to adapt to life in his own individual way. And it is imprudent to squeeze him into adult frames while he has not yet become an adult. Parents should allow teenagers to grow and develop at their own individual pace. Stick to concept"growth from within" than “forcing growth from the outside” - and you will not have serious conflicts with teenagers.

Thus, in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to rememberintrafamilial psychological factors , having educational value in adolescence:

Take an active part in family life;

Always find time to talk with your child;

Be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;

Do not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions independently;

Have an idea of the different stages in a child's life;

Respect the child's right to their own opinion;

To be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner, who simply has less life experience so far.

I'm sure you will succeed!

Self-esteem is a set of a person's ideas about various properties of his own personality, such as the presence of personal achievements, advantages, disadvantages and their significance, etc. As a rule, these qualities are perceived in relation or comparison with similar qualities of other people. Inflated self-esteem of a person is a mental state characterized by an inadequately positive self-image of a person.

What is self-esteem?

One of the main properties of a personality is the formation of a system of ideas of an individual about himself, which may include an assessment of his own actions, appearance, perception of certain shortcomings and advantages, etc. Such attitudes in their totality perform 3 functions:

personal development. A particular type of self-esteem encourages an individual to improve certain skills. If certain qualities are perceived as highly developed, no effort is made to develop them. Alternatively, a person considers himself ideal, therefore he completely denies the need for self-improvement;
protective. An assessment of the relevant personal qualities to a certain extent warns a person against rash acts. For example, if he understands that he will not be able to cope with a certain amount of work, he will not take on such obligations. Also, a set of stable ideas about one's own qualities prevents the deformation of the personality under the influence of the external environment and the behavior of other people;
regulatory. A person makes a significant part of his decisions depending on his ideas about himself. So, on the basis of a conditional list of the most developed qualities, a future profession is selected.

People with high self-esteem experience difficulties in communication, and the resolution of everyday tasks sometimes takes more strength from them, which ultimately can lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.

Why is high self-esteem dangerous?

A number of studies show that many successful businessmen, politicians, public figures unreasonably positively assess their personal qualities. To a certain extent, the typical model of behavior in such life situations is understandable - while others meticulously examine all aspects of the problem, a person with high self-esteem instantly begins to solve it. However, much more often the overestimation of one's own potential leads to negative consequences:

for the individual there is only one correct point of view - his own. However, even a highly educated person with excellent business acumen is often mistaken. It is possible to minimize the risk of failure only with a rational study of the issue;
a person with high self-esteem may take on tasks that he will never be able to solve because he does not have the appropriate qualifications, personal qualities or other resources necessary for this. Repeated disruption of work projects gradually leads to professional degradation and career destruction;
a person ceases to take into account the importance of other people. He demonstrates disdain for others, insults them in various forms. Such behavior inevitably destroys social bonds and regularly provokes conflicts;
the individual denies the need for self-improvement (completely or in relation to certain qualities). In the future, this leads to personal and professional degradation;
any criticism is perceived extremely painfully and provokes reciprocal aggression.

Since most of the acts of communication of a person with high self-esteem are accompanied by acute conflicts, psycho-emotional exhaustion gradually sets in. This can lead to the development of dangerous diseases, mental and neurotic disorders. At the same time, social ties are destroyed (a person loses friends, a partner, cannot start new relationships), the professional qualities of an individual degrade.

A person with high self-esteem is always confident in his actions, which can be a help in professional development. On the other hand, often self-confidence has no real ground, so the individual overestimates his abilities when taking on any business. In any case, the problem of high self-esteem lies in severe disappointment and even depressive states that develop when the expected result does not occur.

Manifestations of high self-esteem

Depending on the degree of manifestation and accompanying signs, inflated self-esteem may indicate:

individual character traits. In this case, inflated self-esteem does not distort the perception of reality in such a way as to entail too destructive consequences;
narcissistic character accentuation. Inflated self-esteem significantly complicates everyday life;
narcissistic personality disorder. A person is convinced of his own uniqueness, chosenness, the presence of outstanding achievements and talents. At the same time, he completely denies the existing rules, all his activities are aimed at seeking the admiration of others. Also in psychiatry, narcissistic trauma is distinguished, which occurs as a result of prolonged communication with a person suffering from a narcissistic disorder. It is characterized by the desire to maintain a sense of its own supersignificance, but at the same time the ability to empathize is preserved;
manic syndrome, bipolar affective disorder. In addition to an overestimated self-esteem, the patient has an acceleration of thinking (up to a jump in ideas), an increase in mood, motor and incentive activity.

For people with high self-esteem, the following behaviors are characteristic:

haughty, arrogant behavior bordering on aggression;
relationships with other people are superficial, empathy almost never arises;
in general, all activities are aimed at maintaining one's own supersignificance - obtaining approval from others;
the sole purpose of close relationships with other people is self-actualization. This is true even for your own children and partner;
comparing oneself out loud with other people is not in favor of the latter, emphasizing one's merits against the background of interlocutors;
self-affirmation at the expense of others;
painful reaction to criticism - crying, screaming, anger.

There are 2 types of phenomena:

adequately high self-esteem is more common in adults. As a rule, it is due to real achievements in the professional, social, family field. In this case, it becomes a kind of form of recognition by the individual of his own merits. Since overestimated self-esteem distorts the perception of objective reality, in this case, the adjustment of personal attitudes and behavior may be necessary;
inadequately high self-esteem is observed mainly in children, adolescents and people with a lack of achievements. The source of this type of inflated self-esteem is dissatisfaction with oneself, one's own achievements, the desire to attribute at least some success to oneself. Inflated self-esteem in a child, among other things, is often fueled by parents, grandparents.

Causes of high self-esteem

In the exceptional majority of cases, self-esteem is formed at the stage of primary socialization - in the process of parenting, training in preschool educational institutions, school, as a result of the child's communication with close relatives, peers. The breakdown of fixed attitudes at a more mature age is usually possible only after mental violence and an experienced psycho-traumatic situation or as a result of the development of an illness, mental or neurotic disorder.

There are a number of factors contributing to the formation of inflated self-esteem:

parental narcissism. In the process of primary socialization, parents do not adequately satisfy the emotional needs of the child, since he himself is only a means of self-actualization of adults (or one of the parents). In the future, overestimated self-esteem becomes a way to compensate for lost positive experiences;
a person is the first or more often the only child in the family;
spoiled in childhood, improperly built “child-adult” relationships, when the attention of adults in the family is riveted to the child, his interests are in the first place, and desires are satisfied on demand, regardless of possible obstacles (illness of parents, lack of money);
external data - often people of both sexes consider themselves better than others because of their own attractive appearance;
unreasonably positive attitude of teachers and teachers. Quite often, situations arise when teachers single out some of their students because of personal sympathy, the high financial or social position of their parents;
lack of adequate tests of one's own abilities. So, with personal abilities and good preschool preparation, a child can brilliantly cope with the program of an ordinary school, while studying in a more prestigious educational institution would require additional efforts from him. With a prolonged absence of serious tests, a person may begin to attribute outstanding abilities to himself.

The reasons for overestimated self-esteem in each case can be tried to identify using psychodiagnostic methods. The results of such an examination play a key role in the further correction of attitudes, behavior or treatment of the disorder.

Inflated self-esteem: signs

Inflated self-esteem of a person is often obvious to others, but he himself is rarely perceived as a problem. An individual with such attitudes sees a negative set of circumstances, envy and intrigues of ill-wishers, lack of proper professional qualities among business partners or work colleagues, etc. as the cause of their own failures. A psychologist or psychiatrist can reliably determine the level of self-esteem and, if necessary, prescribe procedures that correct behavior and installation.

To determine self-assessment, the following are carried out:

study of the lifestyle of the individual. If a mental or neurotic disorder is suspected, information received from the patient's relatives is of great importance;
research based on self-attitude questionnaires;
conversation between a specialist and a patient. It is conducted in a free form, but upon its completion, clear answers should be obtained to questions characterizing the attitude of the individual to various aspects of his own Self.

In general, an overestimated level of self-esteem is characterized by:

unshakable confidence in one's own rightness, even in the presence of evidence to the contrary;
the desire to impose their opinion on all interlocutors, aggression in case of failure;
recognizing only oneself as an authority;
the rejection of any rules other than those that are established by him;
denial of someone else's authority and power;
the search for an "external enemy" responsible for the failures. Most often, these are parents, the state (not only native, but also foreign), colleagues;
the desire to be in leading roles at all costs, often without making any effort;
"Yakanie" in conversations, attempts to drag the topic to discuss their own problems;
lack of self-criticism, aggressive perception of criticism from the outside;
the perception of help as pity and, therefore, the rejection of it;
painful experience of failures up to depression, fear of mistakes.

How to correct an overestimated level of self-esteem?

A balanced analysis can show that the main culprit of a person's life failures is his overestimated self-esteem. What to do in such a situation, a psychologist or psychotherapist will tell you. It can be quite difficult to cope with an inadequate assessment of yourself and your actions on your own. This requires a lot of self-discipline and self-control, which are often lacking in people with high self-esteem. The best results in the correction of attitudes and behavior are shown by various methods of cognitive psychotherapy, which in this case are aimed at:

analysis of one's own behavior and actions. The individual must stop looking for someone to blame for failures, learn to consider each individual case and evaluate his own contribution to what happened;
formation of the ability to listen to the opinions of others, not to oppose in a conversation, to accept other people's judgments;
calm perception of criticism and development of self-criticism;
formation of the ability to accept help, for example, from more successful specialists in the profession;
assessment of their capabilities before starting new projects, making calculations, drawing up step-by-step plans;
analysis of one’s own behavior in terms of how it affects others, whether it offends loved ones, whether it creates obstacles to friendship and romantic affection;
the formation of respect for the feelings and desires of others.

In dealing with a narcissist, some experts recommend not being ashamed of frankness: to say that he puts himself above others, to directly ask what his statements are based on. On the other hand, this approach is quite crude, and the non-specialist may provoke a sharp conflict that excludes the possibility of further therapy.

Correction of inflated self-esteem of children has a number of specific features. They mainly concern changes in the behavior of parents and close relatives (grandparents):

praise should follow any achievement, but not in itself and not for what the child did not put effort into (for example, appearance);
the interests of the child should not come first, if this does not concern his health, development, nutrition;
Do not mitigate the consequences of the actions of the child. He must know the objective result of his actions. If a child intentionally broke a toy, you can not urgently buy him a new one. Otherwise, the baby does not learn to evaluate his own actions and he does not develop the ability to perceive the connections between actions and their results.

Adolescence is a difficult period for both the child and his parents. There comes a time of reassessment of values and the destruction of some stereotypes. At this point, it is very important to help the child to correctly assess his personality.

Parents should make a lot of efforts so that the transition of their child from the children's world to the adult world goes smoothly. This article will tell you how to raise self-esteem for a teenager.

Is the child self-confident - defining signs for parents

Childhood passes, the child begins his acquaintance with the adult world, where everything is not always smooth and beautiful. During this period, the child evaluates his personality. It is influenced not only by parents, but also by peers, classmates and friends of a teenager.

Low self-esteem in a teenage child is a consequence of excessive criticism. He doubts the significance of his own personality, does not believe in his own strength, is shy and is in constant tension.

The main difficulty for parents at this time is the recognition of low self-esteem in a teenager. Many children carefully hide all their experiences from adults. Of course, an attentive parent will be able to find out if everything is in order with his child's self-esteem.

To clarify the situation, adults should familiarize themselves with several signs that indicate a low assessment of the personality of a teenager:

a teenager has poor contact with peers because of the fear of being ridiculed;
the child has panic moods, high anxiety;
the opinion of others for a teenager is of great importance;
a teenager does not want to learn something new because he is afraid of failure;
a child with low self-esteem has a role model among peers;
The teenager explains any success by accidental luck;
the child categorically does not want to take part in school activities;
a teenager does not want to go out with friends, it is better for him to spend his free time alone;
the child hides his worries, experiences, successes or failures from adults, does not want to tell his parents anything.

If you observe in your child one or two signs of all of the above, then there is no reason to panic. Just watch it for a while. A teenager needs help when he has three (or more) signs of low self-esteem.

Parents should understand that an untimely reaction to the first signals of a teenager's low self-esteem can lead to serious consequences when the child has to visit a child psychologist.

In order to properly deal with low self-esteem in a teenager, you need to know the reasons that provoked its appearance. The assessment of the personality of the child is reduced under the influence of such factors:

improper upbringing, constant criticism from parents;
low authority of the child among friends and peers;
poor school performance, negative attitudes of teachers;
personality traits of a teenager;
the appearance of the child, his physiological factors (overweight, wearing glasses, untidiness).

How to help your teen build self-perception

So, if you notice in your child a tendency to low self-esteem, try to correct the situation yourself. Parents should understand that their influence on the assessment of the personality of the child is enormous.

If close people do not see merit in a teenager, constantly criticize and scold him, he becomes withdrawn, shy, unsociable.

And vice versa, when parents constantly support a teenager, are attentive to him, pay attention to his successes, approve of good deeds - a teenager feels his personal significance, his self-esteem returns to normal.

In adolescence, the assessment of the child's personality is influenced by his friends and peers. Parents should take this into account and make every effort to ensure that the formation of self-esteem in a teenager takes place in a positive way.

To help your child increase their self-esteem, adults should follow these guidelines:

in no way criticize the appearance child, but be sure to try to help him solve problems: if a teenager is overweight, parents should motivate him to play sports together, if a child has acne on his face, you need to help him choose the right skin care products;
parents should respect their child listen to his opinion, do not humiliate him and talk with a teenager on an equal footing;
teenagers need to be constantly praised, but only on the case and constructively;
Don't compare your child to others children, to set one of his friends as an example to him;
the appearance of a teenager must be carefully monitored: the child must walk in clean clothes, choose his own style of dress, parents must teach the teenager to combine the elements of clothing correctly;
adults need to help teenagers succeed in some business, it is right to develop his hidden abilities and talents;
teenagers should be able to say "no", this will help him to consolidate his position in society and increase self-esteem.

In psychology, there are special exercises and techniques that help increase the self-esteem of a teenager:

Autotraining. A teenager must convince himself that he is worthy of the respect of other people. To do this, you can print a laudatory text on a large Whatman paper and hang it on the wall in the children's room. A teenager needs to repeat these words daily, in the morning in front of the mirror and in the evening before going to bed.
Communication for good. An insecure teenager should associate as much as possible with positive, joyful people. He needs to meet more often with friends who love him and appreciate him for who he really is. But there should not be selfish and arrogant people surrounded by a teenager.
Reaction to praise. The child must be taught to correctly perceive the praise and compliments given to him. It is better for him to answer all eulogies with a short “thank you”, but never deny the praise said.
Help others. You can bring a teenager's self-esteem back to normal by attending various charity events with him. Helping other people, the child feels his importance for society, his self-esteem increases.
Fighting fears. In adolescence, a child develops a large number of fears. Basically, he is afraid of seeming ridiculous and ridiculous in the eyes of others. Parents should help a girl or boy realize that looking funny is not so scary. And the best way to do this is to create a game model of a situation in which the child will need to face his fear. For example, you can invite a teenager to participate in a humorous performance, dressed up in a ridiculous and funny costume.

How to raise self-esteem as a teenager on your own

girl

Choose your style. Do not blindly follow fashion trends and replenish your wardrobe with things that do not suit you at all. You must have your own individual style of clothing. It will be unique, and will definitely give confidence.
Pay attention to your interests. If a teenage girl wants to dance, then this desire must be realized. Now many schools have special dance clubs where you can learn a new sport, dance moves, painting techniques.
Take care of personal hygiene. In order for your self-esteem to be at a high level, you need to regularly monitor personal hygiene, take care of your body. Brush your teeth daily, wash your hair regularly and comb your hair.
Wear neat and clean clothes. The things you wear need regular care. You need to wash them as they get dirty, remove stains, smooth wrinkled areas. Clothing should fit you in size, not restrict movement.
go in for sports. Regular sports activities help the girl to form a figure, feel energetic and healthy. Choose the best sport for you (running, jumping, squats, swimming) and do it regularly.
Make your diet balanced. Proper nutrition will help you feel healthy, improve your mood, and give you more energy.
Self-training will help you become more confident. Every morning, say the magic words in front of the mirror: “I am beautiful, I am attractive, I love myself, and others love me.” If you remind yourself daily of these real things, you will soon be able to believe what you are saying and raise your self-esteem.

guy

Reach your goals. Teenage boys dream of being better and more successful than their peers. To do this, they do not need to be able to fight at all. After all, you can achieve success by doing something worthwhile and important. For example, learn to improve your body by exercising regularly. Try to study well, get high grades in subjects. Any achievement is your reason for pride!
Develop a sense of responsibility. The ability to be responsible for your words is a good trait for any guy. A sense of responsibility will help you cope with many problems and difficulties.
Become a volunteer. You can increase your self-esteem by helping people in need. Get involved in volunteer activities, just help an old neighbor (neighbor) or homeless animals. Small acts of kindness like these will make you feel important.
Find yourself good friends. It is much easier to deal with difficulties if there are faithful and reliable friends nearby. It's good if they have the same interests as you. Do not be friends with those who lower your self-esteem, think badly of you.
Be assertive. To gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem, you need to learn to follow your desires and not let others push you around. Do not be afraid to express your opinion in the presence of classmates and peers. You should not feel guilty when you refuse someone to fulfill some request.
Try to get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation during adolescence can negatively affect your health in later years. In addition, lack of sleep will affect your self-esteem. You need to get at least 8 hours of sleep a day.
Don't strive for perfection. The ideal is a conditional concept that does not really mean anything. Trying to be perfect will make you feel more frustrated, and that doesn't help your self-esteem.

A teenager who knows how to correctly assess his personal characteristics will achieve greater success in life. Self-confidence will help him in the future to build relationships with good people, avoid bad company and achieve all his goals.

During adolescence, the child must receive the necessary support from adults (parents and teachers) in order to successfully transition from childhood to adulthood.

Video: How to Increase Self-Esteem

Despite the fact that the place of parents during this period is occupied by new authorities, their support is extremely necessary for a teenager. Together with Anna Bykova, a psychologist and author of the Lazy Mom book series, we will figure out how parents can help their child form a healthy, adequate self-esteem.

Adolescent self-esteem

As soon as the child begins to realize himself as a separate person (at about the age of two or three years), he has a feeling of "I", knowledge about himself is formed, for example: "I am Misha, I am a boy." Along with this, the question arises: “What am I?”

The child's perception of himself: “I am good. I'm smart. I'm loved" or "I'm bad. I am harmful. I interfere with everyone ”- depends on what assessment of others he hears. In adolescence, there is a shift in the focus of external evaluation. If in preschool age, self-esteem is mainly influenced by parents, at primary school age - by teachers, then in adolescence, the answer to the question "What am I?" looking for peers.

If peers recognize him as handsome, funny, smart, his self-esteem grows. If the reaction of peers is negative or completely absent (no one notices the child), self-esteem creeps down.

The authority of parents is falling, and their ability to influence self-esteem is lower than it was before. No matter how much a mother convinces her daughter that she is beautiful, the girl still has doubts about her attractiveness if not a single boy at school pays attention to her. But this does not mean that you should not try to help the child.

What should parents do

1. Do not aggravate or criticize. A teenager is already not sure of his own attractiveness, and if his parents confirm doubts, then self-esteem will fall completely. You can’t even criticize with good intentions: “What a beautiful girlfriend you have. But you are smart. In vain you spend all the time with her. She will quickly jump out with such an appearance. She may not need study, but you should go to university. You, daughter, study better. What does the girl hear? Just that she's not pretty.

2. Help the child feel beautiful. In adolescence, the importance of appearance increases. Parents can offer to go to a stylist, pick up a hairstyle, clothes, tidy up your teeth and skin. It happens that boys are very worried about skin rashes, but are embarrassed to talk about their problem. And the parents are sure that everything is in order, that their son is above worrying about such “trifles”. You should not pay close attention to this, but suggesting to go to the beautician together is a good idea.

3. Support your teenager. Do not forget to praise, and if there is no reason for praise yet, you can give credit of trust: “I see your potential. I know that you are capable. I believe in you". The support of a parent of the same gender is especially important. Only dad or another authoritative man for a boy can give advice on how to communicate with girls or behave in a “pack”.

A parent should broadcast two important messages: "I'm cool" and "You're cool too. Even a little better than me."

4. Pay attention to your self-esteem. The child often identifies with the parents, so the adult needs to communicate two important messages: "I'm cool" and "You're cool too. Even a little better than me."

5. Create opportunities for new acquaintances: mugs, sections, holiday camp, travel. Getting into a new team, the child can open up in a new way. People will see the other side of him, and he will look at himself through their eyes. It happens that at school the child does not have a relationship with classmates, he does not communicate with anyone. But at the same time, everyone in the theater circle is delighted with his talent and sense of humor. The wider the social circle, the more different facets of the personality are revealed and the more voluminous the self-image becomes.

At the same time, it is necessary to teach him to understand people. When teenagers change their social circle, self-esteem may not change for the better: for example, from low or adequate to high.

Inadequately high self-esteem is a consequence of a strong internal vulnerability

At first glance, it may seem that the higher the self-esteem, the better. But inadequately inflated self-esteem can have negative consequences. It can be difficult for such a teenager to establish friendships. Others around him are uncomfortable, they feel inferior and tend to avoid communication.

Oddly enough, such self-esteem can be corrected in the same way as overestimated, because the “crown” is a consequence of a strong internal vulnerability. Out of fear that others will consider him worthless, the child will certainly want to become cooler, to prove himself in the best possible way, to prove to everyone his remarkableness. With healthy self-esteem, such a need usually does not arise. The formation of a healthy self-esteem is a slow and rather laborious process, and it is important that a self-confident and caring adult helps a child to go this way.