We often have to deal with intentional or accidental invasion of personal space. To maintain peace of mind and psychological comfort, learn to set boundaries in relationships and behavior.

When we pronounce the word "border", we mean some kind of barrier that separates one from the other. The concept of "psychological boundary" is interpreted by psychologists as an understanding of where you end and where others begin. This applies to people of all ages, both children and adults.

There are several basic types of psychological boundaries:

• physical - restrictions relating to the body (violation of such frameworks - blows, inappropriate touches, attempts at physical proximity from strangers);
• spatial — restrictions that help a person to realize himself as a separate organism;
• personal space also belongs to the type of psychological restrictions. It implies a "comfort zone" in which we feel protected: an apartment, a room, a favorite chair;
• property - restrictions that relate to personal items (an example of a violation is a person's encroachment on your personal hygiene items or clothing);
• emotional - limitations related to mental health (we feel them especially acutely when someone starts screaming, putting pressure on pity, trying to humiliate, asking provocative questions);
• temporary - restrictions that are activated at those moments when our schedule is disrupted (for example, you regularly wait for a friend who continues to be late, showing disrespect).

Only we ourselves can set our psychological limits. You can interrupt an unpleasant conversation, tell a person “stop” when he wants to touch you or impose his company.

To understand personal space, you can do exercises or read thematic literature. A few books in this area:

• John Townsend "The Limits of Personality: Reloaded";
• Jenny Miller, Victoria Lambert Personal Boundaries. How to establish and defend them”;
• K.A. Bochaver, S.Yu. Bochaver "The living space of the family. Unification and division".

Violation of personal space can lead to mental disorders, so value yourself, take care of your calmness. Each of us is a person with the full right to the harmony of the soul with the body.

It is widely believed that all psychological problems stretch from childhood. Psychologists confirm that this is actually the case. If in childhood your parents tried to artificially impose their opinion on you, infringed upon your interests, guided your actions, then in adulthood you may have problems with building personal boundaries.

The study of childhood problems should be dealt with only with a qualified psychologist. Parents may be advised to start encouraging their child's independence from an early age.

One of the first children's "perestroika" that affects the formation of personality is the crisis of bipedalism. This period begins at a time when the baby learns to walk confidently on two legs, he is naughty, trying to defend his independence.

Adults should stay close, but at the same time give their offspring the opportunity to take the first steps on their own, and then fill their first bumps. No matter how hard it is for you, try to recognize that the child is no longer completely dependent on you.

Further more. From the crisis of three, and then seven years, you also can not escape. Variability in the behavior of a younger student also refers to crises. Try to be attentive to your child, do not put pressure on him, let him defend his personal space, establish contact with the outside world, otherwise you risk losing his trust.

For many people with a healthy psyche, they are flexible: what we can allow relatives to communicate with us, we do not allow outsiders.

However, there are those who have too "strong" boundaries, not allowing anyone into their lives. Such a strategy is erroneous, as is the search for too close contacts with everyone in a row, which people with "thin" frames are prone to. You must build a policy in dealing with the outside world that will not let you give in to your life principles, but will allow you to make reasonable compromises.

Before you start working on psychological limitations, try to define them for yourself. Here are some popular ways to set personal boundaries:

• learn to say “no”: you cannot meet everyone halfway and are not obliged to do something that will create additional difficulties and inconveniences for you (remember that refusal is not tantamount to rudeness);
• define your life goals and beliefs that you will not sacrifice;
• learn how to defend responsibility to yourself: understand that everything that happens in your life depends only on you, so it’s worth getting out of the role of a victim and taking action.

Each of us has the right to the inviolability of those psychological boundaries that he saw fit to establish. After you realize your role in this world and understand what is right for you, you can easily build a single strategy of behavior and come to harmony in life.

This article is intended mainly for those people who are new clients (without previous client experience) with a psychologist, psychotherapist. She introduces the client to what personal psychological boundaries are: after all, the concept of boundaries is one of the first concepts that the client of a psychologist inevitably encounters at the very first meetings.

personal boundaries are the restrictions and rules that we set in a relationship. A person with healthy boundaries can say a firm “no” when they feel like it, but can also afford to be open, comfortable in intimate relationships and trusting relationships.

A person who always keeps other people at a distance (emotionally, physically, etc.) is said to have "hard boundaries".

Key Features of Hard, Weak, and Healthy Boundaries
hard borders	Weak borders	healthy boundaries
Avoids intimacy and close relationships. Never or almost never asks for help. Has little or no close friends or people with whom he has a close relationship. Strongly protects personal information. Seems aloof even in romantic relationships. Keeps others at a distance to avoid possible rejection.	Shares personal information too generously. Has difficulty saying “no” to requests from others. Too involved in the problems of others. Depends on the opinions of others. Accepts humiliation or disrespect. Fear of rejection in case of disagreement with others.	Values ​​own opinion. Doesn't compromise his values ​​for the sake of others. Shares personal information in moderation (appropriate for the occasion) (not too little, not too much). Knows his wants and needs and can communicate them. Accepts when others say "no" to him.

Most people have mixed borders. For example, someone may have healthy boundaries at work, weak boundaries in romantic relationships, and a mixture of boundaries from all three types in the family.

The appropriateness of boundaries of one kind or another depends very much on the setting and situation. For example, what is acceptable to talk to friends may not be acceptable at work.

Borders in different cultures can be very different. For example, in some cultures it is considered indecent to express emotions in public, in others, the expression of emotions is encouraged.

Types of boundaries in psychology

Physical boundaries relate to personal space and physical touch. Healthy physical boundaries involve being aware of what is appropriate and what is not appropriate in a given situation and type of relationship (hugs, handshakes, kisses, etc.). Physical boundaries can be violated when someone touches you when you don't want to, or when someone invades your personal space (such as your room while you're away).

Intelligent Borders refer to thoughts and ideas. Healthy intellectual boundaries include respect for the ideas of others and an awareness of the appropriateness of discussion (eg, should we talk about the weather or politics?). Intellectual boundaries are violated when someone devalues ​​or belittles your opinion.

Emotional Boundaries relate to human feelings. Healthy emotional boundaries include limits on when to share and when not to share personal information. For example, when a person shares information about himself gradually, in the process of developing relationships, and does not reveal everything about himself at once and to everyone. Emotional boundaries are violated when someone criticizes, belittles, or devalues ​​the feelings of another person.

Sexual boundaries refer to the emotional, intellectual or physical aspect of sexuality. Healthy sexual boundaries involve mutual understanding and respect for the limitations and desires between sexual partners. Sexual boundaries can be violated by unwanted sexual touch, forced sexual intercourse, or advances or sexual innuendos.

material boundaries related to money and property. Healthy material boundaries place limits on who and what you share with. For example, it may be acceptable to lend a car to a family member, but unacceptable to someone you barely know. Material boundaries are violated when someone steals or damages your property, or forces you to donate or borrow it.

Time limits describe how a person manages his time. With healthy time boundaries, a person reasonably distributes the time of his life into its various aspects - work, relationships, hobbies. Time limits are violated when the other person demands that you give them too much time.

Introduction

Our experience of contact with the world is formed by various psychological boundaries, which are very often far from optimal. Unformedness and violations of the function of the border are associated with the formation of negative motor attitudes that appeared as a result of psychological trauma. The sociocultural environment and upbringing, in most cases, contribute to the formation of these negative motor attitudes. However, the psychological boundary develops and changes throughout life.

The phenomenon of psychological boundaries today remains one of the least studied.

Within the framework of various schools, this concept has been used for a very long time: in the work of Gestalt therapists, followers of K.G. Jung, followers of K. Rogers, body-oriented psychotherapists. But if you look through psychological dictionaries, the search for a “psychological boundary” will turn out to be fruitless. On the one hand, everyone understands that each person somehow distinguishes himself from the outside world. And that which separates the "I" from the surrounding world, that which separates the "I" from the "non-I" is the psychological boundary. On the other hand, there is an objective difficulty in measuring a virtual entity that serves as a boundary for another non-physical entity. YES. Beskov and Sh.A. Tkhostov, in his work devoted to the study of psychological boundaries, write about this complexity as follows: “The problem is that the boundary of corporality is a very complex and elusive phenomenon, the existence of such a boundary seems undoubted, but it presents great difficulties for objectification.”

In modern Russian psychology, the works of T.S. Levy, D.A. Beskova, Sh. A. Tkhostova. The concept of a psychological boundary is widely used in the works of I. Vachko, E.I. Sereda and some other researchers.

Purpose of the work: to consider the psychological boundary as a psychological phenomenon of personality.

Research objectives:

1. Consider the psychological boundary as a functional organ.

2. Consider the concept of the optimal psychological boundary.

3. To study the concept of psychological boundaries in philosophy.

4. To study the concept of psychological boundaries in Gestalt therapy.

5. Consider possible problems in the relationship between the teacher and the student in the case of a poorly formed psychological boundary.

1. Analysis of scientific literature.

Psychological border

Psychological frontier in the psychology of corporality

In the philosophical, psychological and psychotherapeutic literature, one can find different terminology denoting this phenomenon: the boundary of life and the boundary of I-feeling (V.A. Podoroga), the contact boundary (F. Perls), the energy boundary (L. Marcher), the boundary “I "and the inner border (A.Sh. Tkhostov), ​​etc.

K. Jaspers writes: "Any life manifests itself as a constant exchange between the inner world and the outside world." This exchange takes place at the boundary of life education.

There is a tangible difference between the real, objective, biological body and the psychological image of this body experienced by the subject. The difference between how the body functions biologically, how it is arranged anatomically, and how we imagine it ourselves, how we experience it, how we feel it from the inside. Some processes that take place in our body are not fully realized by us - the flow of blood through the veins, arteries and vessels, the process of digestion: the release of nutrients from the food mass, their absorption, entering the blood, delivery to cells. At the same time, there are bodily processes that are very significant for a person, but not of great importance for a biological body - for example, the touch of a loved one - physically it is contact with a small area of ​​​​skin, excitation of a small number of tactile receptors, but for a living person this is a powerful emotional experience.

In the same way, there is a difference between the real, objective boundaries of the body, which coincide with the skin of our body, and the psychological boundaries, which can go beyond the physical boundaries.

Where is this border and what does it represent?

A border is a line laid in reality or an imaginary line separating one object from another. Accordingly, the psychological boundary of the individual separates the inner world of the individual from the external world, from other people.

Here is what V.A. The road about the border: “This border - vibrating, constantly changing its line of tension, consistency, thickness, activity of two environments that coincide in it (External and Internal) - is a period of life that we are not able to leave while we live; something that is always between - there may be an interval, a pause, an insurmountable barrier, a protective shaft, or maybe a hole, a cut, and, nevertheless, only here we gain a full sense of life.

The life path can be considered as a process of formation by a person of his own psychological boundary. T.S. Levy writes: “The psychological boundary is formed in the process of becoming aware of one's own inner space and defending it, overcoming symbiotic relationships. Such overcoming means acquiring the right to self-determination, freedom, but at the same time responsibility for oneself. V.A. Podoroga, considering the history of the emergence of a psychological boundary in ontogenesis, writes: “The child and mother are under the same (maternal) cover ... All sensations associated with the formation of the mental Ego of the child are determined by the closest Other to him. This Other will always be his second skin, which he will always lack. And this second skin is not only a kind of armor protection, but can also be the most dangerous enemy of the first. Likewise, “... any attempt to reconstruct the psychic Ego is determined by taking into account the interaction of the first and second skins, and without the latter, in fact, no psychic Ego can either form or manifest itself. It is the second skin that opens this, not always safe, path to the world of other bodies, to the body of the Other, but by a secondary move - the path to one's own body.

Thus, psychological development is the building of a “second skin” and the formation of a space between the first and second skin, i.e. psychological border.

The psychological boundary develops and changes throughout our lives. The quality of boundaries is an expression of the inner, energetic and mental state of a person. As T.S. Levy: “The optimal border is capable, depending on the state of the world and our own desire, to change its characteristics (density, permeability, thickness, shape, etc.), providing human interaction that is adequate to its capabilities, motives and values. The optimal psychological boundary is a functional organ built in the process of life by the efforts of the person himself.

Based on the data obtained during the application of body-oriented techniques, it is possible to identify the extreme in terms of severity, possible characteristics of the optimal border:

a) The boundary can become actively impervious to external influences if these influences are assessed as harmful.

b) The boundary can become completely permeable and allow the "I" to merge with the world.

c) The border can become actively absorbing, retracting, if a person has an internal right to satisfy his needs.

d) The boundary can become actively giving away if the person has the inner right to express himself.

e) The border can become actively restraining, containerizing internal energy, if it is adequate to the state of the World.

f) The border can become calm-neutral in case of a similar state of the World.

The psychological boundary expresses the state of a person, characterized by the level of activity and the vector of movement from oneself or towards oneself. The optimal boundary corresponds to settings that do not contradict the needs and experiences of a person.

For the natural interaction of a person with the outside world, it is important to have the full range of options for changing the border. However, the main variant of the boundary that allows it to be flexible is the ability to keep it in a neutral state, which corresponds to calmness and self-confidence. B.D. Elkonin writes: “It is necessary to abandon one incorrect assumption, which says that the image is built as a result of the tension of need. Quite the contrary - something can be seen only during the period of removal from need and the removal of its tension ”[8,69]. The removal of tension is necessary in order to see something new, as well as a variety of possibilities for one's own behavior. Therefore, it is a calm state that allows a person to be as sensitive as possible to himself and the world.

The boundary of the physical body exists substantially. The psychological boundary has an energy nature: one or another of its characteristics arise as a temporary combination of forces to solve the problem of realizing a specific interaction between a person and the world. The psychological boundary is manifested in the activity of a person, in his actions. It does not exist substantively, but actually, and, therefore, is a virtual formation. All of the above suggests that the psychological boundary is not a morphological, but a functional organ.

According to A.A. Ukhtomsky, a functional organ is not a morphological, but an energy formation - a combination of forces capable of achieving a certain achievement.

psychological boundary balance teacher

An article about psychological boundaries, what it is and how it works.

Whether we want to be universal, limitless, destroy the ego, or become insane in some other way, we are limited in what we can do. Limited in space and time, here and now.

Indeed, it is time to talk about boundaries. Very often this term is used in practical psychology, in counseling. So they say - psychological boundaries, boundaries of personality, boundaries of "I".

The goal of popular psychologists on websites is to teach you remotely, directly from the text, to say “no”, that is, at least sometimes refuse. And in this case, too, it is about the restoration of psychological boundaries. Once upon a time, about 50 years ago, the Gestaltists came up with such a strange term as the contact boundary. And they endowed the border, which, due to popular psychologists, seems to be a fence with barbed wire or a symbolically outlined magic circle, functions. These are the functions of transmission, shape change, expulsion, reception and release of information and energy.

Boundaries of an organism in biology

Starting with life forms more complex than viruses, any organism is separated from the external environment by a membrane that is more or less rigid, in the case of an amoeba it is generally mobile, and the amoeba also eats and poops with the help of its membrane. Amazing, useful metaphor. A virus can have a boundary-shell outside the body when it is not alive, but inside the cell it uses the boundaries of the host cell: all living things have boundaries.

In the diagram on the left - how the amoeba eats.

With the complication and multicellularity of the organism, its boundary has become more complex and diverse. If the skin is definitely the boundary, then what can be said about the epithelium of the respiratory and digestive tracts? This is also the boundary of the organism, but it is located inside. And the piece of cake you ate is not you, it's a piece of cake!

The membrane surrounding the body is not the only boundary known. Borders, like lines or surfaces, are nested within each other.

Animals have a territory where the animal feeds, and the territory has borders. Packing and social animals have this territory in common, and each clan feeds on its own territory - the pack has common borders. Borders are marked with excrement, odor marks, sometimes landscape elements serve as a border - everything is like with people! Complex animals have several boundaries, one is a complex body boundary, and the other, with a larger surface, limits the habitat.

The sense that indicates boundaries is the sense of touch. Sight can provide information about boundaries, but touch is primary for determining boundaries.

With the advent of consciousness, the number of boundaries that an individual uses for his life increases. For example, in a residential building you need to have your own personal space, and boundaries - so that the door is locked. In the social network, our boundaries are the circle of friends. If we came to work in a team and in a company, then we have a common boundary that separates the body and interests of the company from customers and the rest of the world.

The figure shows the main functions of the cell membrane. The lipid layer is a spatial separator. The protein molecules embedded in it provide an information-signal, control, transport function, as well as a function of mechanical communication with other cells. Lipid layers are passive protection, enzyme proteins are active protection.

With all the variety of borders, they have signs

1. With the help of boundaries, we separate the Self from the non-Self, ourselves from the environment and from the other person. The border is felt physically, some events on the border always respond with feelings, experiences.

2. The border has spatial qualities - a form and changes over time, it is alive. If the border is rigid, then it is likely that you are in prison, maybe in voluntary (counterdependence).

3. The border has protective functions, but defense is not the only function of the border.

4. The border has adjustable permeability, the ability to let in and out, attract what you need and push out accidentally adhering.

5. We have tools that we can use to change and even violate other people's boundaries. This is not only limbs, but also a voice and a look. In the presence of another, the properties of the boundaries change.

6. Some protrusions and depressions of bodily boundaries are conducive to reproduction.

The emergence and development of the border

If the boundary of an organism develops according to biological laws, in accordance with the genetic program, then the situation with psychological boundaries is more complicated.
Their functions are born organically, based on the need of the child - for safety, for food, to have no boundaries at first, relying in their development on the presence of adult boundaries of the parent.

Psychologists draw the boundaries of the baby in this way - they are inside the boundaries of the mother: he is completely dependent! But in reality, a child is a separate organism, and his needs inevitably come into conflict with the needs of his mother.

The border is recognized in conflict, in the clash of needs and interests. The child is constantly trying where the mother is thin, and where the boundaries are impregnable. If the mother:

1. cannot be in close contact, giving protection and love support, including with his body
2. shows such rigid boundaries, in case of natural attacks of the child, for example - ignores in case of certain behavior
3. the father does not participate in education, as an example of establishing absolute, legal boundaries that are impregnable, but delegates the experience of impregnable boundaries to the mother - the important functions of the boundaries in the child are not formed sufficiently, one can say about such a person - the boundaries are violated.

Restoring boundaries and their functions to ensure a good enough life for the client is called psychotherapy or, less euphoniously and without subject (and stupidly), correction.

Environmental agents sometimes want to break boundaries, this is the law of life. This means that the experience of filling holes in their boundaries is also important for the child. Almost everyone has this experience. It is this experience that a psychologist and a psychological therapist use in order for the client to be able to effectively resist, defend their boundaries, or vice versa - open the dampers, raise the checkpoint barrier within the boundaries, when necessary.

In our difficult and dangerous world, it is not uncommon for the body to be abused. You don’t have to go far, the process of raising a child is full of violent actions, no matter what cunning coaches tell you, they themselves sometimes forcefully wake up and dress their children in the morning to send them to kindergarten.

In kindergarten, there will be socialization according to the schedule, and not, if possible, your child. The child is sick, what does it mean? There was a violation of the boundaries and the virus sat down on the mucous membranes. It can be said with a high degree of approximation to the truth that the border is a psychophysiological phenomenon, and not just a physiological or mental. In order for the boundaries to form and work correctly, at least one person is needed who is on the side of the child, who can protect his boundaries with his own.

Breached Boundaries

What functions of borders are violated?

The most serious damage is a fuzzy, diffuse border. It is very difficult for a person with such a boundary to survive alone in society, and such a person often falls into dependence, seeks to use the boundaries of another for his own survival. Another such one is right there, and in return takes him into “slavery”. I deliberately exaggerate.
Such relationships are called by psychologists merged, dependent.

As far as this type of relationship corresponds to the traditions of the life of society, these relationships will be so successful. In a society where dependent relationships are the norm, going beyond the merger relationship carries multiple risks.

Power function - implemented at the border. Everything that serves us as food and spiritual food is provided by the environment to the border. Sometimes you need to chase food, fight. As such, the personality boundary is an aggressive, gripping part of something. In the same way, an amoeba cell picks up a food particle by surrounding it in an aquatic environment with its body. Higher organisms have a mouth, teeth, hands, smell, taste, and sight—everything that is needed to be nourished.

Sometimes there is not enough aggression at the border, then you have to be content with boring food.

The push function is also implemented on the boundary. The function of protection, in psychology, this is a whole topic for fairy tales - “how to learn to say no.” The easiest way to not give you a choice is to ask for an answer instantly, right away. This is one way to make a hole in the borders.

Why didn't the boundary work if your "partner" is strongly required to make a decision immediately? This means that in order for the border to be able to fulfill its functions, at least some time is needed. The correct response to the manipulation of the demand for immediacy is "let me think."

Personal boundaries and personal boundaries

The boundaries of the psyche are a reality that is diagnosed, subject to research and correction. For example, if your boundary is closed, the psychologist can work with you to make this boundary softer, you can have a close relationship if you want. And to discover such a desire, if you still do not want to.

The boundaries of personality are fundamentally very different in their formulation, as personality is projected onto property, territory, home, marriage, and other phenomena. Personality is not only organic, it is social.

What your personality is projected onto represents your interests. Your position, your image, your role in the team and in the family. If someone encroaches on what is yours, you will begin to defend your “sphere of interest” and yourself. To some extent, this indicates the boundaries.

If you find it difficult to refuse, to determine what is yours and what is not yours, you may have weak (or rather, blurry) boundaries. If you react too harshly to any approach to you, then the security function of your borders is excessive.

Consciousness and the unconscious

Within the psyche there are also boundaries, the most important of which is the boundary between consciousness and the unconscious. It is clear that this is an imaginary border, but some of its properties, as a hypothesis, exist.

Abroad - nothing is realized, the content travels back and forth when a person sleeps. Sleep is like traveling across the border and back. The meaning of this membrane is for consciousness to receive great resources from an infinitely large area of ​​no-mind. What consciousness is not able to process is sent abroad.

In a waking organism, this border is not a membrane, but rather a dividing line, and traces appear on it - these are reservations, awkwardness, daydreams, some kind of perception errors. According to these reservations-traces on the dividing line, psychoanalysts find the "violator".

If the border in the waking state has become permeable - they talk about psychosis, then the psychologist's competencies end, they are replaced by psychiatrists. Their goal is to calm the patient, to return the border to its place.

In the state of passion, affect, there is also a hole in the border, so passions are a difficult area of ​​work for psychologists.
The healthy functioning of this inner boundary is the key to the functioning of the outer boundaries.

social boundaries

A man is like an onion, modern philosophers write, he has many shells, each shell has its own border. The social frontier is no exception. Personality, as a social phenomenon, has its own limits in communication with its own kind. Now these boundaries are blurred by social networks, the Internet.

Social relations suggest that a private territory is needed - a house, a car, an office. Social relations presuppose a circle of communication. All this also has to do with the boundaries of the individual.

On the example of fairy tales - when fairy tale characters from different social strata fall in love - we are given an example that human boundaries, or rather, the boundaries of the psyche, are a more real and significant phenomenon than social boundaries.

Morality is a set of rules established before us in the society around us. You have probably heard about the boundaries of morality, “this goes beyond all boundaries”?
How is boundary violation experienced?

If someone invades your territory, it is legitimate to feel irritation, anger, if the invasion continues, then rage. The body reacts with stress and mobilization.
If the boundaries are diffuse, then you are an evil amoeba, anger is experienced as depression, confusion, confusion, resentment. A darling man, he won't hurt a fly, a good boy, convenient for everyone. Or the passive-aggressive type, the saboteur.

Restoration of psychological boundaries in this case means the return to the subject of his feelings of anger, its detection and legalization. Next, the psychologist will teach you how to use the detected anger.

If the nutritional function is impaired, then the body will be in short supply - psychologically exhausted, weak. If the function of rejection and excretion is impaired, then the body will be poisoned and also weak. Weakness from malnutrition, in my opinion, is somewhat better than weakness from poisoning. Which is more expensive, dialysis or false teeth?

The narcissistic personality is characterized by two states - greatly inflated boundaries (doctors without boundaries, joke), as well as a complete lack of boundaries - a state of insignificance, a small, small "I". Strongly inflated borders require large expenses for their maintenance, if the border is alive, functional. Since it is difficult to ensure life in gigantic expanses, the border becomes rigid, impenetrable.

The presence of psychological boundaries, as well as the boundaries of the personality, testifies to the psyche as an integrity, system. When functionally impaired, this integrity has a considerable range to accommodate. But even the largest range has its limits.