Speech characteristics of Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky from the auditor. Characteristics of Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky comparative characteristics of images
Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky and Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky - characters in Gogol's comedy "The Inspector General", city landowners.
Source: Comedy "Inspector"
There is a version that in Gogol's time these surnames were perceived as Polish and were pronounced with an emphasis on the second syllable: Dobchinsky, Bobchinsky. This is confirmed by the following verses by P.A. Vyazemsky ("Khlestakov", 1866):
Dobchinsky publicity, he wants
To know that Dobchinsky is:
He is torn, rushing about, fussing,
To get into people and print.
...
All this is nonsense, but here is the grief:
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky family,
With stupid faith in your eyes
They stand in front of him with their mouths open.
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, both short, short, very curious; extremely similar to each other: both with small bellies; both speak in a patter and help tremendously with gestures and hands. Dobchinsky is a little taller and more serious than Bobchinsky, but Bobchinsky is cheekier and livelier.
- "Inspector", Characters and costumes. Notes for gentlemen actors.
Both Petr Ivanovich Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky are not officials, they are landowners, they have something to live on, they do not serve for a salary and because of this, it would seem, do not depend on the mayor, he does not order them. In fact, they are inextricably linked with everything that happens in their provincial county town. And adjusting to the general unity with the officials of the town - they say, and they are not the last people here, they also bear bribes to Khlestakov. What are they talking about, why should they bribe the auditor? It is possible that they themselves will not answer: just to be with everyone, not to lag behind others, not to be out of work. In Gogol's interpretation, these images are absurd and helpless, they want to mean something in the public sense, but are doomed to get into trouble, they are funny and tragic - they are not included in the structure of the bureaucratic diocese, so they are trying to prove their participation in the life of the city; if they don’t appear on their own, no one will remember them, that’s why they fuss.
Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky were the first to link the incognito warning from Petersburg to the real Khlestakov:
... yes, on the road, Pyotr Ivanovich says to me: "Today, I know, they brought fresh salmon to the tavern, so let's go have a bite." We had just arrived at the hotel, when suddenly a young man...
Here is how Gogol himself spoke about Bobchinsky in his “Forewarning for those who would like to play The Government Inspector properly” (N.V. Gogol, 1842):
But two city talkers Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky especially demand that it be played well. The actor must define them very well for himself. These are people whose life consisted entirely of running around the city with a testimony of respect and exchanging news. All they had was a visit. The passion to tell swallowed up every other occupation. And this passion became their driving passion and aspiration of life. In a word, these are people thrown out by fate for other people's needs, and not for their own. You need to see that pleasure when, finally, he achieves that he will be allowed to talk about something. Curious - from the desire to have something to talk about. From this, Bobchinsky even stutters a little. They are both short, short, extremely similar to each other, both with small bellies. Both are round-faced, neatly dressed, with slicked back hair. Dobchinsky even has a small bald spot in the middle of his head; it is clear that he is not a single man, like Bobchinsky, but already married. But for all that, Bobchinsky gets the better of him because of his greater liveliness and even somewhat controls his mind. In a word, an actor needs to get sick with glanders of curiosity and an itch of the tongue if he wants to play this role well, and he must imagine that he himself has got the itch of the tongue. He must forget that he is a completely insignificant person, as it turns out, and throw aside all the small attributes, otherwise he will fall just into caricatures.
At the end of July 1963, the World Film Festival died down in Moscow. The guests of our country returned to their homes. When the last bell rang at the Belorussky railway station and the fast train Moscow - Paris, slowly picking up speed, crawled along the platform, the famous Argentine actress Lolita Torres waved her hand a few farewell. Her hand moved from right to left, right to left. This gesture was seen by millions of Soviet people on blue TV screens in newsreels.
A fleeting, tiny, completely inconspicuous episode attracted almost universal attention.
How strangely she said goodbye! - wondered one.
“Fashion,” others tried to explain to them.
Abroad, no one noticed this episode. They didn't pay any attention to him. The fact is that the farewell gesture is not universal. The way of waving a hand when parting from oneself forward is typical for Russia, and for France - from side to side. Sign language is the most universal of all human languages, which is resorted to whenever sound speech cannot be a means of communication, and it has a clear national character, which, by the way, we ourselves most often do not notice.
Human languages are extremely diverse. Currently, there are over 2500 languages. Some of them disappear. Only 50 people speak Votic. All 50 waters live in the Leningrad region. Most languages continue to evolve and may have dozens of dialects.
Translation is associated with many difficulties. Not all words in one language have a counterpart in another. It is useless to ask a native of the central regions of New Guinea, who has never met people of a higher civilization, to lace up his boot. A person who does not know anything about the existence of shoes will not understand our request. Bushmen from the Kalahari or the Papuans of Australia are unlikely to perceive the phrase: "Pour coffee into the coffee pot and close the lid tightly." Their languages do not have the words "coffee", "coffee pot", "lid". In the semi-artificial language that serves as a means of communication in the vast expanses of Oceania, there is no word for "lighter" - you have to say "gasoline matches." There is no word "piano" - they say "a black box that you need to hit with your fingers to make music."
In European languages, there are also many concepts. The Eskimos have many words for different conditions of snow. The reason for such refinement is understandable, but go and try to translate. The inhabitants of East Africa, the Maasai, designate a cow with twenty words, depending on the age, color, shape of the horns, and on who it belongs to. For the Maasai, livestock is the most important thing in life. The welfare of the tribe, including its military power, depends on the number of cows. Even the very name of the people - Maasai means "cattle". The need for a large number of concepts is quite understandable, but the translation of cow names in works of fiction is difficult!
Language barriers also exist for people who use the same language but live in different eras. The phrase “Vasily built a house” in the era of Peter I would have been taken literally, as a message that a house-witted peasant cut wood, hewed logs, adjusted them one to another, covered the log house with a roof, hung windows, doors and built a porch. Nowadays, this phrase evokes the idea of the work of an architect or people of completely different construction professions.
Sometimes it is difficult to understand each other for people who speak the same language, live in the same city and have sufficient education to use the generally accepted literary form of speech. The well-known Egyptologist academician Struve in his youth studied the inscriptions on the pedestals of sphinxes installed in St. Petersburg on the Neva embankment. In those years, photography was just beginning to develop, but the need for it was already great. It seemed tempting to the young researcher to have photocopies of hieroglyphs instead of drawings, which could contain known distortions.
In order to obtain photographs, Struve turned to the St. Petersburg mayor for assistance. He wrote: "I ask you to remove the sphinxes on the Neva embankment near the Academy of Arts for scientific work." To which he immediately received an answer: “It is very difficult to remove the figures from the pedestal. Perhaps it would be easier to set up scaffolding and study these creations of ancient Egypt from them?
Everyone has faced this situation more than once. From understanding words and knowledge of grammar to the ability to understand a thought expressed through speech, there is a long way, and not all of its parts are well known to us.
Magpie on the tail brought
How long ago did the speech begin? Did she have predecessors? Who was that Dobchinsky or Bobchinsky, who was the first to say meaningfully “Eh!”?
Modern linguists believe that animal behavior is based on signs, controlled by them, and these phenomena are referred to as “language of a weak degree”. Most of the words of the "animal language" are clear to them from birth. The male mother-of-pearl butterfly begins its mating dance at the sight of a female. But he recognizes her not by size, not by the pattern on the wings, but mainly by the features of fluttering. The male stickleback fish recognizes the female by the abdomen swollen with caviar. The peculiarity of the flight and the shape of the abdomen are "words" - signals that cause certain reactions in the one to whom they are intended.
The innate program of animal behavior provides ways to use these signals. The female stickleback, swimming up to the male, shows him her swollen abdomen. The herring gull, when it is about to feed the chicks, lowers its beak: only a lowered beak can be a signal for the chick to start dinner.
Nature did not stint on fiction. What only sign systems do not exist in the world!
Tiny violin crabs, the size of a three-kopeck coin, live on the islands of the Indian Ocean. Males are dressed in turquoise-red shirts, while females wear a more modest light brown dress. In males, one of the claws is small and serves only to send lumps of food into the mouth, and the other is huge, almost from the crab itself. Babies love to travel along the silty bottom of the coastal mangrove forests exposed by the ebb. Walking through liquid mud, crabs continuously wave their huge claws up and down, up and down, as if leading an imaginary violin with a bow. Hence the name.
The fiddler belongs to a large family of fiddler crabs. All of them are able to call the female by waving their claws, making such a welcoming inviting gesture that its meaning is beyond doubt.
At first glance, it seems that the crab is waving its claws continuously. In fact, he rises on his paws and begins to send calls only when he sees a female. If the perseverance of the elegant gentleman was not in vain and he managed to captivate his girlfriend with his grace, she rushes towards him and at the same time opens and closes her small graceful claws.
The gestures of the male actually have a double meaning. The call is addressed only to the female. The rest of the males understand it like this: "The territory is occupied, don't come to my house, I'll blow it." And indeed, if some impudent crab approaches someone else's mink, a fierce fight breaks out between the males. The rivals grapple with their big claws, trying to tear each other off the ground and throw them as far as possible, then the lucky winner starts dancing a cheerful hopak.
If a female happens to see two fighting males, she will not pass by, she will definitely wait for the outcome of the battle and will certainly agree to become the wife of a desperate fighter and dancer. Could it be otherwise? After all, the dance of the winner is a long fiery speech.
Animals that live in communities use communication systems for intraspecific signaling that convey even more abstract concepts. These include the famous dances of bees, many types of mutual signaling of ants and termites.
Bees have the most developed sign language. Returning to the hive, the honey collector tells her friends where and what she found. If flowering plants are nearby, the picker dances a simple circle dance. Girlfriends, having attached themselves to her from behind, repeat her movements and, having performed two or three steps of the dance, that is, repeating the received instructions “aloud”, they go to collect nectar.
When flowering plants are far from the hive, the bee gives more detailed instructions, reporting the direction in which to fly. In this case, she dances a wagging dance - a figure eight. If the forager performs it on the arrival board at the entrance to the hive, then the middle straight part of the figure eight makes an angle with the sun at which one should fly in order to find food.
More often dances take place in the dark inside the hive, on vertically arranged combs. On the scheme of the flight to flowering plants, drawn by the figures of the dance, it is conditionally accepted (and all the pickers know this) that the place of the sun is at the top of the honeycomb. If, while dancing, the bee runs a straight line of eight up, you need to fly towards the sun, if down - away from the sun, and if at an angle to an imaginary vertical line, you should fly for food at the same angle to the sun.
To draw attention to the straight segment of the figure eight, the dancer, running through it, wags her belly and makes a special sound. The waggling dance gives the bees an indication of how far away the food is. If in 15 seconds of the dance the bee makes 10 straight runs, 500 meters to the feed, if six - one kilometer, if one - more than 10. And it is even easier to tell what the picker found. She simply gives her friends the collected nectar or pollen to try.
Animals often use facial expressions. She is not poorer than ours. Remember at least grimaces-monkeys. Facial expressions are expressive and understandable to everyone. It is quite clear that the dog's slightly bared teeth mean: "Stay away, I'll bite!"
Our facial expressions are often accompanied by color effects. The face is covered with an involuntary blush. We may blush deeply or suddenly turn pale.
In this respect, animals outdid us. An angry chameleon will turn from green to black in a matter of seconds, as if warning the offender that nothing good can be expected. But when meeting with a female, a real illumination is arranged. Quickly changing colors, turning yellow, then red, then purple, the chameleon, as it were, says to his girlfriend: “Look how beautiful and kind I am, come to me, don’t be afraid!”
Special virtuosos in terms of color language are exotic fighting fish. When the owner of the aquarium warms the water to 24-26 degrees, the male, having built a cozy house out of tiny bubbles somewhere in the corner, goes in search of a girlfriend. His body glows and shimmers with all the colors of the rainbow, as if on fire from the inside. This is a whole poem. This is a declaration of love. And although some words are incomprehensible, an interpreter is not needed. The meaning of the poem is very clear.
The language of colors requires bright light. Animals that prefer twilight, nature has provided flashlights. It is a pity that most of them are residents of hot, tropical countries or inhabitants of the seas and oceans. Only one living ember was given by nature to the northern forests.
In the summer, with the onset of twilight in the glades, along the roadsides and in the thicket, cheerful greenish lights light up, giving a special charm to the night forest. The female of a small insect, the Ivanovo worm, glows.
It is all brown-brown, with the exception of the underside of the last three segments of the abdomen. These segments are white. This is where the flashlight is located. As soon as the forest is enveloped in the dusk of the night, she hurriedly gets out of her hiding place, climbs onto a tall stalk and turns on the light. Males rush to her. They are much smaller than females and fly well. From above, they can perfectly hear the call - sorry, a flashlight is visible - and they rush to the call.
The Ivanovo worm has only one word. Tropical fireflies had to improve their language. They are equipped with flashlights and male and female. Going to search for a mate, the male starts flashing his flashlight, as if asking: “Where are you? Where are you?" Noticing the signal of the male, the female blinks in response to him after a strictly defined time. Each species of firefly has its own interval between the signal of the male and female. The flash of light that the female sends means: "I'm here!" The interval between the question and the answer is its name, or rather the name of the species to which it belongs.
The language of smells is even more widespread. Odorants are produced by special glands. In antelopes and deer they are near the eyes, in Indian elephants - in front of the ear, in predators near vibrissae - thick tactile hair, in goats and chamois - behind the horns, in camels - on the neck, in chimpanzees and gorillas - under the armpits, in hyraxes - on the back, on the soles of the sable, near the tail on the foxes and on the thigh of the male platypus.
The great advantage of the language of smells is that it can be used for both lively spoken language and written messages. The deer will rub its muzzle against the trunk of a tree, and for many days a notice will remain hanging announcing that the borders of the writer's possessions pass here. With the help of odorous marks, termites post signs on their roads so that when they return home, they do not go astray.
If a fire ant has found a lot of food, it will occasionally touch the ground with its stinger on its way back, leaving a dotted odorous trail that its comrades can follow to find this place. To avoid confusion due to such pointers, the ant's notes are saved for only 100 seconds. During this time, the ant can crawl 40 centimeters, but if a lot of food is found, crowds of pickers move along the path, constantly updating the signs.
Ants that live in deserts and bees that visit odorless flowers emit odorous substances directly into the air. A fragrance constantly hangs over their roads, like clouds of car exhaust fumes over the busy streets of modern cities.
Each family of social insects, bees, ants or termites has a unique smell. It replaces an identity card for family members. If an ant or a bee wandered for a long time, communicated with representatives of other families and "picked up" someone else's smell, they will not be allowed to go home.
The male marsupial flying squirrel marks the female with his scent, produced by a gland located on his forehead. The label is used instead of a wedding ring, it is also a new surname by her husband.
With the help of the smell, the bees transmit an alarm signal. Pitying the enemy, the bee, along with the poison, also releases a special odorous substance, as if crying out for help. She cannot pull the sting back, it has 12 cloves pointing backwards, and breaks off along with all the glands, spreading a smell similar to banana oil. The sting remaining in the body of the enemy, like a portable radio transmitter, continuously sends a call for help to the air. Now the enemy can not hide. “Hearing” the alarm signal, the bees rush to help, trying to sting as close as possible to the source of the smell. The radio transmitter works for 10 minutes.
The nomadic ants of America, ecitons, either live settled, or go on a two-three-week trip. With the onset of night, they line up in columns - and, having taken all the belongings, larvae and pupae, set off on their way.
Strange as it may seem, the signal for gathering is given by the children. Larvae, growing up, begin to secrete a special substance. It is licked by the ant nannies caring for them and passed on to the rest of the family. It, like the signal of a bugle playing "campaign", excites the whole family. The ants seize the larvae in their jaws and start marching.
But now 18-19 days have passed, the larvae have grown, started to pupate and no longer secrete “travel substances”, the ants calm down, make a stop and live settled, until a new generation hatches from the eggs laid by the uterus and grows up.
Scientists have calculated that 10 etofiones are enough for an ant family. Their various combinations make it possible to "discuss" any ant problems. In the bee colony, the queen reigns supreme. Her orders, the so-called uterine substance, are produced by the jaw glands. Worker bees lick "orders" from the body of the uterus and, passing on to each other, bring to the attention of the entire bee family.
If the queen, without removing it from the hive, is placed in a tiny cell so that the worker bees cannot reach it and get the uterine substance, they become very restless. On cells, some cells are rebuilt and expanded. When the eggs in there hatch into larvae, they are fed with one "royal jelly", which previously, according to the orders of the uterus, no one was allowed to give more than the first two days of life. New queens will grow from these larvae.
Sound language allows interlocutors to talk while being far from each other. Sounds can serve as signals of gathering, danger, notify about the discovery of food, they call on girlfriends.
What chickens are stupid birds, but even in their language, scientists have found about thirty words. There are even several danger signals. At the signal of a ground alarm, a sharply growing sound, the chickens rush to their heels in the opposite direction from the source of the sound. The air raid signal is a slowly rising sound, it does not contain instructions on where to run. It remains only to freeze in place in the hope that they will not notice you, or to whisk to the nearest shelter.
The language of jackdaws is very rich. The sound that can best be imitated is “kya” which means “fly after me” and “kiaev” means “fly after me to the house”. Adult birds use sounds when teaching young ones. Young jackdaws do not know who to be afraid of. When a dangerous predator appears, parents notify them with a kind of grinding cry. One lesson is enough for the jackdaw to remember what the enemy looks like.
Rooks during the breeding season use more than 12 signals that are not used in winter. The most important signals are recognized by birds very well. If a magnetic tape of rook voices is run backwards, a distress call will be understood almost as well as a normal one.
Birds belonging to different species, but constantly colliding with each other, are able to learn "foreign languages". The crows of the Atlantic coast of Europe respond perfectly to the distress call of the great gull. Rooks and jackdaws, usually united in common flocks, understand each other well.
Baboons hamadryas exchange thoughts with the help of 18 signal sounds. The meaning of some has been deciphered. “Ak, ak, ak” is a danger signal. Any member of the herd, seeing the enemy, makes this sound. Upon hearing the warning, all the monkeys turn in the direction of the danger and repeat the signal. The leader and other males move forward and, in the intervals between calls, make a threatening gesture, shuffling along the ground with their front paw. A single cry with a sharper basic tone is a signal of extreme danger, and the whole herd rushes to their heels.
When the baby lags behind the herd, calls “ay, ay, ay” rush from him to his mother and back. It is not difficult to understand their meaning. Both the situation and the nature of the sounds are very reminiscent of the behavior of a company of people scattered through the forest in search of mushrooms. The only difference is that the hamadryas emphasize the first sound - “a?y”, while we emphasize the second - “ay?”. Unlike the “ak, ak, ak” danger signal, which follows in a pack, the calling sounds “ay ... ay” are given with longer pauses, during which you can hear the answer.
If one of the members of the herd inflates the baby or beats another monkey, the victim announces the surroundings with a shrill “iii”, asking for protection from the leader. He usually interferes, and now the offender is squealing, but no one will come to his aid. The leader is the master of the herd.
The monkeys, who are friends with each other, exchange a quiet, breathy sound "khon". This is a call to sit in an embrace, closely clinging to each other, to look for each other in fur, in short - the desire to do something pleasant to your neighbor.
Eight words were found in capuchin monkeys: indicative ("ikkrh"), calling, greeting, short food, long food; defensive, threat and aggression. Monkeys try to speak their language with other creatures as well. The long-drawn-out repetition of the sound “y” is addressed by capuchins to familiar people. In the morning, the monkey greets its owner with a welcoming cry, and sometimes, with the help of food signals, invites him to dine together. Signals of threat and aggression are addressed to all creatures without exception.
The melodic, charming songs of birds are their speech, and its meaning is prosaic. Even the song of the nightingale is just a statement that the territory is occupied and should not be invaded. It would be nice if all the prohibitions sounded so cute! Sometimes bird announcements are directed to a specific neighbor. In this case, the blackbird of the knee of his song adjusts his neighbor to the song as much as possible, and he, if not very stupid, will certainly guess that the appeal is addressed to him.
In the language of our common pond frogs, there are six call words: one of them is associated with reproduction, two with the protection of the territory, and one with alarm. Many frogs have a distress signal, but for some reason it does not evoke any emotions in the listeners. But the signal of aggression excites them greatly. A company of lake frogs will not pay attention to a toy boat passing by. But, if at this moment the famous “bre-ke-ke-ke” is heard, everyone will rush at her at once and drown, and then start a fight with each other.
The monotonous singing of frogs is most often the calling and identification signal of males. Males and females of amphibians do not differ significantly from each other in appearance. The song is their calling card. It indicates the species to which the singer belongs, and contains evidence that he is a man.
Many animals have similar business cards.
The hoarse squeak of a mosquito, from which you involuntarily freeze, expecting a bite, is not at all a warning to us - “I’m coming at you”, which the Kyiv prince Yaroslav the Wise sent to his enemies, about to attack them. The squeak arises from the movement of the wings, and, apparently, sometimes a mosquito would be happy to be silent, but it cannot. According to the squeak characteristic of each species, depending on the frequency of wing movement, they recognize their girlfriends. Sometimes animal sounds are the only feature by which one species can be distinguished from another. Connoisseurs of birds will say without error what species the singing warbler belongs to, and, perhaps, it will be difficult to determine if the bird falls into their hands. Such a significant difference in voices has a deep meaning: sound signals help them recognize each other without error. There are no mixed marriages.
It is very important to master the language of animals. This is the easiest and most reliable way to control their behavior. Rooks in Western Europe have multiplied so much that at times they cause significant damage to agriculture. There is a need to artificially regulate their numbers. How to do it?
It turned out that the fight against birds can be carried out without great expense. Broadcasting through powerful speakers every half an hour for only two minutes of a distress signal leads to the fact that the rooks abandon their nests and leave the dangerous area, the eggs die, and the birds will no longer build new nests. The intimidation of birds, which began a little earlier, only leads to the fact that they abandon ready-made nests and build new ones. After the first chick hatches, although the distress call still causes fear, the rooks will not abandon their child.
Countless hordes of seagulls find shelter on the shores of England. They keep aviators in constant fear. Occupying the runways of airfields in huge flocks, seagulls cause serious accidents. It was not possible to get rid of the seagulls until they guessed to record a danger signal on magnetic tape. Now, over the airfields, from time to time a command is heard from the speakers to the birds to free the airfield, and frightened seagulls fly away in fear.
The fight against insects with the help of chemicals does more harm than good, since along with pests, all useful ones are destroyed. Biological methods of struggle are much more effective. In North America, gypsy moth caterpillars cause great damage to forests. During the breeding season, the butterfly of this pest notifies the males of its presence by sending odorous business cards down the wind. Feeling the smell, the males fly on a date.
Scientists managed to find out what kind of substance it is and synthesize it. Now hundreds of thousands of cheap paper traps are hung out every year, cylinders lubricated inside with a special glue to which an odorous substance is added. Males rush to the traps from all sides and die, sticking to their walls.
Despite the unexpected richness of animal language, it is a second-class language. All "words" of the animal language are inherited, and not learned, as human children have to do. The signals exchanged between animals serve only to express emotions. When a chicken screams in fright when it sees a kite falling from the sky, this does not mean at all that she wants to notify her girlfriends of impending danger. A cry escaped from her as involuntarily as we cry out when we accidentally touch a hot iron. In this case, neither the man nor the chicken needs listeners.
Hey Aelita!
Man is the only creature on our planet that has a real language. The advent of speech gave humans enormous advantages over animals. It allowed the use of a new principle of information processing, becoming the basis of abstract thinking. Speech makes it possible to transfer any information from one person to another, and the appearance of writing makes it possible to conserve it, preserving the accumulated knowledge for distant descendants.
The human language was formed, improving, spontaneously. Despite this, the languages of developed peoples are quite perfect. One bad thing - 2500 languages for our small planet is too much. From time to time, attempts were made to create an international language such as Esperanto and Ido. None of them has won universal recognition.
Scientists especially need an international language. Latin has been used in Europe for many centuries. The dead language, which was not spoken by any people, gradually lost its meaning. Only in medicine, and in some areas of biology, the vocabulary of the Latin language is still used.
The most difficult thing was to put up with the lack of an international language for representatives of the exact sciences. Back in the 17th century, the famous German philosopher-mathematician Leibniz stubbornly propagated the need for a universal philosophical language. Then it was not feasible. Only in the 19th century, after the creation of mathematical logic, did a large team of Italian mathematicians, working under the leadership of G. Peano, try to create a symbolic language on its basis to present the rest of mathematics. It turned out to be not flexible enough, and mathematicians still write scientific reports in their native languages, and the language of mathematical logic is used only as a tool for studying mathematical laws. In recent years there has been a sharp increase in the need for an artificial language, simple enough to be mastered without recourse to any natural language. Not far off is the day when we will find a sufficiently developed civilization in the vastness of the universe and will try to establish contact with it. Then we need a language that would be easy to teach extraterrestrials.
A prominent Dutch mathematician G. Freudenthal tried to create such a language in 1960. He called it "lincos" - having made this word from the initial letters of the Latin expression "lingua cosmica", which means "language of the cosmos".
Lincos training should begin with learning the language of elementary mathematics. For convenience, this process can be broken down into separate short lessons.
First lesson: ··< ···; · < ··; ··· < ····; что должно означать: два меньше трех, один меньше двух, три меньше четырех и т.д.
Lesson two: ··· > ··; ···· > ···; ····· > ··.
The translation is probably already clear: three is greater than two, four is greater than three, five is greater than two.
Then comes the introduction to the concept of equality, addition and subtraction: two equals two, one plus two equals three, three minus one equals two. The next cycle is devoted to natural numbers written in binary, after which it is not difficult to move on to logical constructions: “and”, “or”, “if ... then ...”
a > 100 a > 10
If a is greater than four, then a is greater than two (in binary: 1 = 1, 2 = 10, 3 = 11, 4 = 100).
Interrogative sentences are more difficult. G. Freudenthal offers this option: for what x, x + 2 will equal seven? If x + 2 = 7, then x = 5.
In a similar way, abstractions (set), demonstrative pronouns (that ... which ...), temporal and spatial representations (duration, second, before, after, etc.) are introduced.
This is enough to explain algebraic concepts. It is much more difficult to move from them to a language that allows us to convey information about the life and social structure of our planet. Acquaintance with the "humanitarian" part of the linkos is supposed to be carried out by transmitting dialogues between people H (Homo - a person). Each of the speakers receives an individual name: Ha, Hv, ... Hp. In addition, the verb "to speak" Inq (inqnit - to speak) is introduced. First of all, dialogues should introduce the words: “count”, “calculate”, “prove”, “know”, “notice”, “good”, “bad”. In order for the meaning of the word “good” to become quite clear to space interlocutors, several dozen different examples must be transmitted.
Acquaintance with the word "know" is supposed to be carried out by transmitting the following messages: "Hc did not know how many prime numbers are less than 1024, when he counted them, he knows it. Before Hd performed the calculation, he did not know the result of the problem. After the calculation, he knows it."
A lot of "behavioral" concepts allows you to introduce linkos familiarity with the mathematical theory of games. It helps to explain such words as "winning", "losing", "money", "debt".
And will it be possible to transfer the best samples of poetry to alien correspondents with the help of lincos? I'm not sure. I think that the result will be much worse than that of that Russified German from the Volga region, who, due to his lack of education and dullness, began to translate into Russian A.S. Pushkin, published in Berlin in German.
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The young Comte de Troyes rode dejectedly behind the coffin of his father. His father, still a very young man, always distinguished by fair health, died suddenly on the way under very mysterious circumstances. Everyone understood that the count had been poisoned, and although there was no direct evidence, the young man had no doubt that this was the work of his cousins.
The funeral procession was already approaching the possessions of the Comtes de Troyes, when a shot rang out and the young man fell to the ground, covered in blood. The treacherously sent bullet pierced the skull bone and penetrated the brain. It seemed his hours were numbered. However, ten days after the skillful operation, the young man got out of bed, and a week later he could already sit on a horse.
The young de Troyes seemed to be physically quite healthy, but he forever lost the ability to understand speech. No, he's not deaf. The young man responded to a knock on the door, recognized the voices of birds and the melodies of songs, he could even sing along, but he did not understand at all what he was told. The cousins immediately took advantage of this circumstance, having achieved through the court the recognition of him as insane and the institution of guardianship over him and his vast estate.
The event described took place in the 16th century. In those days, the madness of the young Comte de Troy was not in doubt. Now a doctor would call this disease sensory aphasia, an ailment that manifests itself in the inability to understand human speech, but is not accompanied by a noticeable decrease in mental abilities.
All forms of speech impairment are associated in right-handers with damage to the left hemisphere. As already mentioned, P. Broca was the first to draw attention to this. He made his conclusions about the localization of speech centers based on the observation of only two patients. Both were admitted to the clinic for the treatment of surgical diseases of the legs, in this case a minor disease. The first of them was speechless for 21 years. He could only say "tan" (it's time) and swear "sacr? nom de Dieu" (damn it). The second had five words, but he pronounced them very distortedly: "oui" (yes), "non" (no), "trois" (three), "toujour" (always), "Lelo" (own name, distorted by Lelong) .
Brock's observations drew the attention of neurologists to the pathology of speech. New messages fell like a cornucopia. Patients were described who could speak, but did not understand the speech addressed to them; understood spoken language, but lost the ability to read what was written; lost the ability to speak, but retained the ability to express their thoughts in writing; finally, there were also such patients in whom only the ability to write or solve mathematical problems was impaired. According to the detected syndromes, areas in the central region of the left hemisphere were also found, the damage of which led to the diseases listed above. Since then, surgeons have declared the left hemisphere a forbidden zone, and refuse to perform operations in its middle sections.
Speech sounds are noises (consonants) and tones (vowels). There are no definite boundaries between individual sounds, although the understanding of speech just requires their clear distinction. Each language has its own system of features that are essential for understanding speech. Non-essentials are optional, but you can't call them minor. They help us to recognize familiar people by voice, to distinguish the voice of a man from the voice of a woman or a child.
In Russian, such features as sonority and deafness (dom - tom), softness and hardness (ardor - dust), stress (za?mok - zamok?k) are used as distinctive features, but the sign of sound length, which is important in German, the openness of vowels, which is important for the French, or the fricative used by the English. To understand speech, you need not just a subtle ear, but a systematized ear. Without knowing the language at all, it is impossible to once hear a fragment of someone else's speech, remember it and be able to repeat it.
Young children learn not only to speak, but also to perceive speech. These two processes are so closely intertwined that one cannot be fully performed without the other. Each new word must be repeated by the child. At the same time, the sounds and motor reactions of the tongue, larynx, vocal cords that occur during the pronunciation of a given word are analyzed. Our brain stores "motor" copies of individual phonemes and whole words, and they are more important for us than the sound images of the same phonemes.
Try to write a new, completely unfamiliar word that you just heard on the radio. You will certainly notice that the tongue moves slightly, silently "pronouncing" what you are about to write. The vocal cords and muscles of the larynx are also moving at this moment, but we are not aware of this. A difficult task required strengthening the analysis, and hence the motor reaction was almost in full.
Motor analysis is especially noticeable in people with poorly developed speech and, of course, in children. Make the first-grader write a difficult, cumbersome word, forbidding him to repeat it aloud. If the baby copes with the task, it will be noticeable how tensely his lips move. Before the word is written, it will have to be spoken several times.
Motor control is extremely important, which is why damage to the motor center of speech impairs not only speech itself, but also its understanding. In the same way, a disease process that affects the auditory center is sure to disturb speech. In severe cases, the patient does not speak at all. Although the articulation is not affected, the stream of sounds it spews out can become completely unintelligible. Experts call this symptom verbal salad. One gets the impression that ordinary speech is chopped into small pieces. Everything is carefully mixed and in this form is given out to the mountain, that is, to the audience. The patient really mixes the sounds of speech almost at random.
If the auditory center of speech is damaged, hearing as such is not impaired. This is easy to verify. The patient is explained that, having heard a certain sound (they let him listen), he should raise his right hand, and to all other sounds - his left. A simple procedure, and the patient can easily cope with it. So he hears.
The cause of the disease is a violation of the analysis of more complex sounds. Make such a patient repeat individual sounds of human speech: "a", "o", "u", "b", "p", "t" - he will not cope with this task, he will be confused. Ask for the sound “b” to raise your right hand, and for the sound “p” your left hand, and you will be convinced of this again.
In milder cases, you may notice that memory for sounds suffers. If the patient immediately after you can quite accurately repeat a combination of two or three sounds a-o-y, then after one to a minute and a half he will begin to get confused. The volume of memory for sounds in such patients is narrowed and its duration is significantly shortened.
Memory impairment seems to underlie all other symptoms. The patient may retain the ability to recognize individual sounds and repeat them, but will become confused if there are three to five of them. He recognizes each individual sound, but the process of analyzing the next sound prevents him from retaining the previous one in memory. By the time he has reached the third sound, the first has already been forgotten. The analysis of the whole word for him presents great difficulties, especially if it contains poorly differentiated sounds (“p” and “b” - “fence” and “constipation”). The synthesis of sounds is similarly disturbed.
In mild forms of the disease, the patient is able to recognize and reproduce simple, frequently used words, such as "table", "chair", "spoon". But try to pronounce the same word “table” not all together, but with a tiny interval between individual sounds - “s-t-o-l”, the patient will recognize them and even remember the sequence, but will not be able to make a word out of them.
We and geeks
Means of communication, speech are not inherited and do not arise in children by themselves. This is especially evident in deaf-blind children from birth. Until the child is specially trained, he will not independently have a need to inform others about something. There is no idea of the possibility of active communication.
A.I. Meshcheryakov says that his patient Volodya T. at the age of seven, who entered a special school in Zagorsk, without much difficulty understood the natural gestures of his parents related to eating, dressing, walking. He himself actively used only five or six signs, despite the fact that two years before entering the boarding school, the father began to study with the child according to a specially designed program.
Such wretchedness of speech is explained by the fact that in the first years the parents tried to predict his slightest desire, and the absence of the main sense organs did not allow the child to notice that those around him had the means of communication. The efforts of modern, mainly Soviet, science have shown that such people, with the proper pedagogical approach, can have a completely normal development of the psyche. A vivid example of this is the deaf-blind writer O.I. Skorokhodov.
Education for deaf-blind children begins with self-service lessons. When they master the simplest skills, they begin to form the means of communication associated with this activity. At first, each action that is supposed to be performed is preceded by a gesture of the teacher imitating it, then the teacher begins to carry out the action itself. Soon the child will learn the action started by the teacher, finish on his own, and then perform it at one sign from the teacher. For example, if you need to wash yourself, the teacher takes the child’s hands and imitates the process of washing, and then starts washing.
It is impossible to teach differently, simply by introducing various objects and designating them with special gestures. He is not capable of perceiving the gestures of the teacher and engaging in activities that have no meaning for the child. The first language of a deaf-blind-mute child can only be a recreated action, partially copying ordinary motor skills.
Expand the language in the process of specially planned games. This is the level of passive knowledge of sign language. Before children learn how to actively use them, a special stage passes. During this period, having received the teacher's order, before carrying it out, the child repeats the corresponding gesture.
A little later, he begins to use gestures before he is about to do something himself. This is done not to inform others about their intentions, but only for themselves. Scientists call such phenomena spontaneous gestural speech for themselves. In fact, this is internal gestural speech, special gestural thinking, similar to the verbal internal speech of normal people, with the help of which we think.
Usually the teacher waits for the moments of speech for himself and assists the child in carrying out the intended actions. This helps him move from inner speech for himself to speech of gestures directed at others.
A particularly strong stimulus is the child's acquaintance with how older pupils communicate with each other, "talking with their hands." If a child constantly perceives the manual communication of people around him, he begins to imitate their gestures.
Such manipulations cannot yet be considered speech and do not denote any action. This is reminiscent of the infantile babble that precedes true vocal speech. Scientists have called it "sign babble." No matter how unusual human communication may be, it is always the result of learning and goes through similar stages.
There is an idea that the language should be mastered in the first six years of life. If time is lost for some reason, the loss is irreplaceable. Such a person will never speak. Learning a second language in adulthood is quite possible, but it is fraught with serious difficulties. But after three or six languages, a turning point occurs, and the acquisition of new languages is significantly accelerated.
It is difficult to say whether there can be a limit in the number of languages mastered. Most probably not. University of Tartu professor P. Ariste speaks 20 and writes 15 languages. Linguist A. Zaliznyak at the age of 25 spoke 40 languages. An outstanding polyglot was Cardinal Mezzofanti, head of the educational department of the Vatican Propaganda Congregation. Notes in 84 languages were found in his archive!
The girls love to talk
Do we talk a lot? The question is by no means an idle one, although, unfortunately, we do not yet know this. Do not think that linguists still do not know how much we can say if we take this matter seriously. Science has quite reliable information, based on the results of international competitions. Currently, the absolute champion is the Englishman Hunter, who is able to throw out 416.6 words per minute.
No less intensively we can write. The average writing speed on a typewriter is 180–200 characters per minute. The champion of Leningrad among typists makes 420. The record of Czechoslovakia belongs to Helena Roubichkova - 534.1 beats per minute. A stenographer can work faster than we usually talk, writing down more than 170 words per minute.
Although these achievements in themselves are of undoubted interest, scientists are more concerned with the question of how much we talk in everyday life, that is, when we are not going to break a world record. One of the first studies to fill this gap in our knowledge was conducted by Professor Yamagata in the city of Tsuruoka. He studied the speech spoken and written, heard and read, by two inhabitants of this city. Each observation lasted 24 hours. The researcher with a tape recorder followed his ward everywhere, not losing sight of what many people say in their sleep.
Professor Yamagata wanted to study the speech of the "average" person in everyday life. Nowadays, most Japanese live in small towns. Tsuruoka is located in the center of the most "average" prefecture and is a typical Japanese town.
The owner of a small shop and a small employee were under observation. It turned out that the first of them spends an average of 8 hours 9 minutes on “linguistic existence”, the second - 11 hours 54 minutes. Of these, 75 and 61 percent, respectively, are for conversations. The rest of the time was spent listening to the radio, reading and writing. The latter took them only 17 and 47 minutes, which, it turns out, is quite a lot for the “average” Japanese. Similar studies in the city of Shirakawa showed that a peasant and a hairdresser spend about 1 minute a day writing, a housewife - 1.5, and a worker - 15 minutes.
The results of counting the number of words spoken per day are interesting. Oddly enough, the peasant who managed to say 10,068 words in a day turned out to be the most talkative. He was far ahead of the housewife (9290 words), and yet the high mobility of the language has always been considered a specifically feminine virtue. The average English woman, for example, speaks 105 words per minute, 29 words more than the average English speaker.
Further, the following places were distributed in this way: hairdresser - 8558; employee - 5528; worker - 4752. Least of all said the merchant - 2891 words. The most commonly used interjections, words of greeting, demonstrative pronouns, adverbs and verbs like "to be" and "become". The peasant said 190 times “that”, 147 times “this”, 132 times “to be”, 124 times “so” in a day. (We have not conducted such studies, but, judging by some works of fiction, the Russian pre-revolutionary peasant would have far outstripped the Japanese in the word “so”.) Italians speak the fastest, Brazilians are in second place, and Finns are in last.
Children especially talk a lot. Swedish kids of four years old, according to T. Erasmus, pronounce 12 thousand words a day. Australian children are a thousand behind. The words “I”, “I want”, “I will”, “love” are most often pronounced. The ability of children to say so much is all the more amazing given that the vocabulary of a four-year-old child is just over 900 words.
The most intense "linguistic life" is led by "engineers of human souls" - writers and teachers. The total time of their "linguistic existence" is difficult to calculate. Printed works give only some information about this. Dumas (father) wrote so much and quickly that the secretary did not have time to copy. S. Tolstaya was in approximately the same position. It is known that L.N. Tolstoy carefully finalized his works, repeatedly correcting what had already been written. Only "Anna Karenina" Tolstoy had to rewrite 16 times.
Dumas can be classified as one of the most prolific writers, but he is far from a record. Lope de Vega should be recognized as more industrious. During his 73-year life, in addition to short stories, novels, historical works, eclogues, poems, sonnets, odes, elegies, which were also many, he wrote 2500 plays. If we assume that de Vega began to engage in literary work from the age of 10–13, then it turns out that 3.5 plays came out from under his pen a month! Often the play was ready in just 2-3 days.
The writer K. Origenes (father) created about 6 thousand works. The story "Dreams Among the Blooming Pomegranates" by the Chinese writer Li Kuye-yu contains 360 volumes! A complete collection of the works of the Polish writer Kryshevsky, who wrote only historical novels88, would require 500,000 pages.
Among the writers, of course, there were people who could compete with C. Hunter. V. Volsky wrote the libretto for the opera "Galka" in just one night. It took L. Osinsky a day to create the drama "Prometheus". Even Abu-Ali Ibn-Sina, who lived in the old, unhurried times, spent only four days writing the Metaphysics.
I don't want the reader to get the impression that writers are always verbose. Masters of the word can be extremely concise. Probably, in this area the world record belongs to V. Hugo. When sending his novel Les Misérables to the publisher, he attached a letter to the manuscript with the following content: "?"
I state that the publisher was on top. He replied: "!"
Why Newton was born in Europe
Communists are consistent fighters against all kinds of racial discrimination. The Communist Party educated us, citizens of the world's first socialist state, in the spirit of internationalism. The idea of the equality of all peoples is the conviction of the Soviet people.
The concept of equality in all areas, including intellectual abilities, is involuntarily associated with the concept of sameness. But this is completely false. When people of distant cultures come into close contact, they notice that their ways of thinking differ significantly from each other. What's the matter here?
It turns out that the accepted norms of the use of words determine some forms of thinking and behavior of people. And since the grammatical models of languages often differ significantly from each other, differences in thinking and behavior inevitably arise.
I will refer to the observations of the English linguist B. Whorf, who deals with the issues of semiotics - the science of sign systems. Working in his youth as an agent for the fire insurance society, he found out the causes leading to fires. And he found that fires in warehouses where empty gasoline tanks are stored occur much more often than in gasoline storage facilities. Whorf finds that the reason for this phenomenon has to do with linguistics. The strictest fire safety measures are observed at the petrol depots. The idea of gasoline as an explosive substance forces all service personnel to be extremely careful. On the contrary, the word "empty" unwittingly implies the absence of any risk, and people behave in accordance with this idea. Meanwhile, empty gasoline containers always contain its vapors, which are much more here than at the gas depot. Hence the numerous accidents.
Let's return to national forms of thinking. To do this, get acquainted with the language of the Hopi Indian tribe. Before the arrival of the white conquerors, the tribe lived in North America in several villages on the banks of the Little Colorado River. Later, the so-called "pioneers" of the development of American open spaces drove the Hopi from fertile lands, and they were forced to move to the desert regions of the present state of Arizona, where they still live on the first of the Indian reservations created in the United States. Now there are about 3.5 thousand Hopi. The tribe lives in isolation. It has preserved its customs and religion and eschews modern civilization.
"Time", "space", "matter" and other concepts are different for different nations. People who speak Indo-European languages use the plural and cardinal numbers when they mean a real set of things and when they talk about an imaginary set. Going up to the cage in the zoological garden, we say: "Five monkeys are sitting on the shelf." We will repeat the same expression at the station, explaining to a friend that we are going to Africa to catch five monkeys, since we can really imagine five monkeys gathered together.
Moreover, we apply quantitative numerals to phenomena, the existence of which is impossible to imagine all at once. For example, we say “five days”, “five hours”, “two autumns”, although at every moment of life we can only deal with one very specific day, hour, season. Probably, the cyclicity of phenomena causes the idea of their multitude, and our language does not distinguish between the number of real and imaginary objects and phenomena.
In the Hopi language, the plural and cardinal numbers are used only to denote objects that can form real groups. There is no expression "five days" in this language. In the Hopi language, they say: “I stayed with my bride until the sixth day” or: “I left after the fifth day,” that is, they have no concept of the length of time. It is replaced by a sequence of events: one was before, the other after.
There is a big difference in terms of quantity. There are two types of nouns used in European languages. Some serve as the names of objects - a chair, a glass, a wagon. Others - the names of substances: water, gasoline, iron, snow. The number of the first is easily determined: "One dog, three wagons." For nouns of the second kind, the number is more difficult to name.
There are few special names in Russian. For example, "rock", "boulder", "cobblestone" or simply "stone" quite definitely indicate the amount of "stone substance". For the Hopi, this is the main way to express the amount of a substance. Water is called by two words. One designates small portions, the other - hard-to-measure quantities. The first Hopi will use the expression "bring in a bucket of water", the second - in the expression "stop by the water."
In European languages, quantities of a substance are denoted through the nouns of the first group: “lump of snow”, “head of cheese”, “piece of sugar”. And more often with the help of the name of the container: “a glass of tea”, “a bag of flour”, “a plate of cabbage soup”, “a bottle or a mug of beer”. This method is suitable for all nouns without exception. We use it to denote the duration of time: second, year. (Compare: "bottle of beer".)
A week, a decade, a summer in our view contains a very definite amount of time. Hopi does not have an abstract concept of time. Morning, evening, summer are not nouns, but a special form of adverbs that can be translated into Russian as follows: "when the morning", or, more precisely, "when the morning period occurs." Therefore, it is impossible to say “hot summer” in Hopi, since the word “summer” already denotes a period when the heat sets in.
European languages, continuing the tradition of using two-syllable combinations to express duration, intensity and direction, widely use metaphors: “short day”, “great friend”, “slight sadness”, “sharp question”, “stock price fall”, “coming train” . Non-metaphorical ways of expressing these concepts are extremely few.
The use of metaphors has gone so far that they are used to describe the most seemingly simple situations. I "catch" the "thread" of the speaker's reasoning, but if their "level" is too "high", my attention may "scatter", "lose connection" with their "flow", and it may happen that when he "fits" to final “point”, we will “disperse” already so “far” and our “views” will be so “defended” from each other that the “things” that were discussed will “appear” either “very” conditional, or simply “ heap" of nonsense. Solid metaphors!
In Hopi, they are completely absent. A large group of special words and expressions are used to express duration, intensity and direction. Thus, the thinking of a European, analyzing reality, believes that time can be measured, cut into equal parts, choose any piece from the middle at will. The Hopi have no idea that all phenomena without exception become more and more late, that is, that one event occurs later in time than another, as some remain unchanged (rock), others develop (plant growth), others fall into decay. and disappear (aging and death). In Hopi, one cannot say that the moon rose later today than yesterday. Hopi will say: "before the first roosters" or "after the first roosters."
What do such differences lead to? The concepts of space, time and matter that underlie Newtonian mechanics are not derived through mathematical analysis. They are borrowed by Newton from the language and are the fruit of European languages and culture. Had Newton been born a Hopi, he would have had to resort to special analysis to create such representations, as later Einstein would have to use the mathematical apparatus to create the theory of relativity.
Changes in the language are extremely slow, which leads to inertia of thinking. But still they happen. This circumstance seriously limits the possibility of direct acquaintance with the scientific and cultural achievements of bygone generations. Metaphors become obsolete very quickly. Common expressions, having served their service, fail, and when we encounter them, we do not very clearly understand their meaning. For illustration, I will allow myself to quote from the biographical notes of Prince I.M. Dolgorukov "Temple of my heart", published only 80 years ago. “The countess took it into her head to show contempt to my wife, with which she loved to get even with everyone, and she herself treated her very brightly, and she was already on a big occasion.” Metaphors that were widely used less than a century ago are no longer intelligible to us.
Answers (2)
This is how the squadron public perceived Geny Petrovich Glukhov and Valentin Pavlovich Kashirin, two assistants to the squadron's flag mech. True, not only Gogol's characters were the reason for their perception, although there was a homespun truth in this. Genius Petrovich controlled the entire electrical unit of the squadron, Valentin Petrovich - survivability. For us, in this regard, they were formidable auditors and somehow they were not perceived one by one. Well, like Plug and Tarapunka, like Shurov and Rykunin. So they fit into the daily life of the squadron as "Glukhov and Kashirin" and also as "Bobchinsky-Dobchinsky". Different in build and weight, identical in height, not similar in life principles and attitude to service, but they were characters without whom the face of the squadron would be boring, and its history would be poorer. Which of them was listed as Bobchinsky, who - as Dobchinsky, no one would definitely say. Their simultaneous appearance on the boat was perceived as "Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky came." True, one by one in everyday life, Geny Petrovich Glukhov was simply "Genya Glukhov." Even the flagmech of the squadron, Emmanuil Lvovich Kulnitsky, could say: why are you asking me such questions. Ask Genya. Then, however, he got better: at Genya Glukhov's. But, protecting the authority of his assistants even in trifles, in the end he sent "with all sorts of electrical questions" to "Genius Petrovich". I remember that after the repair on our own, which came into fashion with us due to a lack of repair capacity, the insulation of the right propeller motor turned out to be zero. There were two days left before going to sea. "Genya Glukhov" came to correct the situation. With the help of heating pads, fans and “sewed” in a day, we, although not by much, moved this insulation off the ground. “You will get the rest at sea,” Geny Petrovich shook my hand and headed for the exit, writing in the logbook: “There are no comments on the material part; the boat is ready to leave.
Valentin Pavlovich Kashirin was also called the Fire Extinguisher in the squadron. Harmlessly, of course. Not because he was not much taller than a fire extinguisher, but because he was the squadron flagmech's survivability assistant. So to speak, according to the official sign. Although the submarine has a good dozen systems that ensure survivability, for some reason Valentin Pavlovich paid more attention to fire extinguishers every time he visited the submarine. And the comments on them were the same from time to time: there is no tag, the verification period has expired, it is not sealed. Once, when checking the submarine B-109, he found ten remarks on one fire extinguisher. And then he read out all ten at the analysis conducted by the squadron commander, to which Oleg Petrovich Shadrich reasonably reacted: there is only one remark - the fire extinguisher is faulty. The nickname "Fire Extinguisher" was finally assigned to him when, during a fire on the B-7, due to the accumulation of hydrogen, the fire extinguisher of the 4th compartment did not work. It seems that all the personal belongings on it are in order, and it corresponds in weight, and looks decent, and the seal is not broken, but no matter how much they pressed the lever, there was no foam. Later, after the fire was extinguished, Valentin Pavlovich ordered to unscrew the cover of the fire extinguisher, for a final conclusion regarding the cause of its malfunction. Leaning over the neck of this OVPM-10, the pom-flagmech bounced off sharply and then sneezed for a long time. And everyone who happened to be nearby smelled the aroma of a well-brewed mash. After a minute of silent scene, the dumbfounded and embarrassed commander of the warhead-5, Lieutenant Commander Vasily Sinaisky grabbed this fire extinguisher - to pour out the contents. "Don't," the pomflagmecha interrupted him, "take it to the EMUC, it'll come in handy." What is EMUK? These are electromechanical classrooms. Mechanical officers said that this name of the training center stems from the name of the flagship of our squadron - Emmanuil Kulnitsky.
At the same time, although out of place, I recalled a conversation in a ship repair shop, when Valentin Pavlovich was indignant at the behavior of his former subordinate, whom they met by chance in Leningrad. Embraced. He invited him home. “And mom will be very happy.” We sat, drank two glasses of tea and parted ways. “It's not our way. Not in a navy way, it would be better if they didn’t invite at all, ”Valentin Pavlovich complained.
Be that as it may, but for a submariner - from a sailor to a commander - Kashirin was a formidable figure. He will go down into the boat - everything is in order.
Well, that's the thing, are you all right here? - and leave. Everyone is happy. Then, however, at some debriefing, minor remarks will be hyped up like that, for example, that he went down into the boat, and the watchman did not write down the fact of his appearance in the logbook. What can you say, what to check next! What kind of organization is there!
I remember that the commander of the squadron, Rear Admiral O.P. Shadrich, patiently listened to this monologue, then interrupted him and said:
Comrade Kashirin, since there are so many disorders, get on the boat and put it in order. The commander there is peculiar, the mechanic too. Everyone, go ahead.
Comrade Admiral, that's the thing, - Valentin Pavlovich tried to object something about his mission on the boat, but the squadron commander had already moved on to another boat.
As for "that's the thing" - Kashirin used this combination to link words, although he himself did not know what it meant. He once came to me on the B-36. I was the commander of the warhead-5 there. Valentin Pavlovich dug up a whole portfolio of remarks and left for the report. Well, as for comments, it must be borne in mind that there cannot be any on a submarine, since no instruction can cover the entire material part and boat life in general. A lot is done and according to the concepts. And this is a subjective thing. Even Kashirin will say one thing, and Genya Glukhov will be indignant during the check - what a fool came up with this! The mechanic will immediately put everything in order, as Geny Petrovich said, and the squadron's flagship captain 1st rank Kulnitsky will cancel both.
According to the results of checking the boat, I flew hard. Both along the front line and along the party line. - And in the tail and in the mane. It should be noted here that the commander of the boat, Captain 3rd Rank Mark Vladimirovich Konovalov, did not like me. For no reason. And when he found out that I had the same opinion about him as he did about me, he disliked me even more. And with obvious pleasure he ordered me to "raise the organization of the service without getting out of the strong case." I, of course, almost moved to a submarine. Moreover, Task-1 is coming soon.
A week later, or how much, the boat duty officer reported that Captain 2nd Rank Kashirin was calling me to the pier.
Yes, this is for my soul, I realized. Once Kashirin came, he would not leave the boat without checking the fire extinguishers and all the questions related to survivability. And everything that burns, sinks, smells bad - it's all mine - BCH-5.
I have already eliminated many of the remarks, even from the first check of it, but if desired, Valentin Pavlovich will find new ones. Moreover, they were at odds with our commander. And here it was possible to recoup. But I'll still be the last one.
I quickly ran around the boat - is everything in order - and went upstairs. Valentin Pavlovich was about to go down, but I was ahead of him.
I wish you well.
ACT FOUR
The same room in the mayor's house
Phenomenon I
Enter cautiously, almost on tiptoe: Ammos Fedorovich, Artemy Filippovich, the postmaster, Luka Lukich, Dobchinsky and Bobchinsky, in full dress and uniforms.
Ammos Fedorovich (builds everyone in a semicircle). For God's sake, gentlemen, rather in a circle, but more order! God be with him: he goes to the palace, and the state council scolds! Build on a military footing, by all means on a military footing! You, Pyotr Ivanovich, run from this side, and you, Pyotr Ivanovich, stand right here.
Both Pyotr Ivanovich run on tiptoe.
Artemy Filippovich. It's up to you, Ammos Fyodorovich, we should do something.
Ammos Fedorovich. What exactly?
Artemy Filippovich. Well, it is known that.
Ammos Fedorovich. slip?
Artemy Filippovich. Well, yes, at least slip it in.
Ammos Fedorovich. Dangerous, damn it! shout: a statesman. But perhaps in the form of an offering from the nobility to some monument?
Postmaster. Or: "here, they say, money came by mail, belonging to no one knows who."
Artemy Filippovich. See that he does not send you by mail somewhere far away. Listen: these things are not done in a well-organized state. Why do we have a whole squadron here? You need to introduce yourself one by one, but between four eyes and that ... as it should be there - so that your ears do not hear. This is how it is done in a well-ordered society! Well, here you are, Ammos Fedorovich, the first to begin.
Ammos Fedorovich. So it’s better for you: in your establishment, a tall visitor tasted bread.
Artemy Filippovich. So it is better for Luka Lukic, as an educator of youth.
Luka Lukic. I can't, I can't, gentlemen. I admit, I was brought up in such a way that if someone higher in one rank spoke to me, I simply had no soul and my tongue was stuck in the mud. No, gentlemen, thank you, please forgive me!
Artemy Filippovich. Yes, Ammos Fedorovich, there is no one but you. Every word you have, Cicero flew off your tongue.
Ammos Fedorovich. What do you! what are you: Cicero! See what you came up with! That sometimes you get carried away talking about a domestic pack or a hound bloodhound ...
Everyone (sticking to him.) No, you are not only talking about dogs, you are also talking about pandemonium ... No, Ammos Fyodorovich, do not leave us, be our father! .. No, Ammos Fyodorovich!
Ammos Fedorovich. Get off, gentlemen!
At this time, footsteps and coughing are heard in Khlestakov's room. Everyone is rushing to the doors, crowding and trying to get out, which happens not without someone being squeezed.
Several exclamations are snatched out: "Ai! ai!" - finally everyone sticks out, and the room remains empty.
Phenomenon II
Khlestakov alone, goes out with sleepy eyes.
I seem to have snored. Where did they get such mattresses and duvets? even sweat. It seems they slipped me something at breakfast yesterday: my head is still pounding. Here, as I see it, you can spend time with pleasure. I love cordiality, and, I confess, I like it better if they please me from a pure heart, and not out of interest. And the mayor’s daughter is very pretty, and her mother is such that one could still ... No, I don’t know, but I really like this kind of life.
Phenomenon III
Khlestakov and Ammos Fedorovich.
Ammos Fyodorovich (entering and stopping, to himself.) God, God! take it out safely; and so he breaks his knees. (Aloud, stretching out and holding his sword in his hand.) I have the honor to introduce myself: Judge of the local county court, collegiate assessor Lyapkin-Tyapkin.
Khlestakov. Please sit down. So you're the judge here?
Ammos Fedorovich. From the eight hundred and sixteenth he was elected for a three-year term at the behest of the nobility and continued his position until now.
Khlestakov. But is it profitable, however, to be a judge?
Ammos Fedorovich. For three three years, he was presented to Vladimir of the fourth degree with the approval of his superiors. (Aside.) And the money is in the fist, but the fist is all on fire.
Khlestakov. And I like Vladimir. Here Anna of the third degree is no longer so.
Ammos Fyodorovich (slowly sticking his clenched fist forward. To the side.) Lord God! I don't know where I'm sitting. Like hot coals under you.
Khlestakov. What is it in your hand?
AMMOS FYODOROVITCH (getting lost and dropping banknotes on the floor.) Nothing, sir.
Khlestakov. Like nothing? I see the money has dropped.
Ammos Fyodorovich (trembling all over.) No way, sir. (Aside.) Oh my God, now I'm on trial! and a cart was brought up to grab me!
Khlestakov (raising) Yes, this is money.
Ammos Fedorovich (aside.) Well, it's all over - gone! gone!
Khlestakov. Do you know what? lend them to me.
Ammos Fyodorovich (hurriedly.) How, sir, how, sir ... with great pleasure. (Aside.) Well, bolder, bolder! Take it out, holy mother!
Khlestakov. You know, I spent a lot of money on the road: this and that... However, I'll send them to you from the village now.
Ammos Fedorovich. Have mercy as much as you can! and without that, such an honor... Of course, with my weak strength, zeal and zeal for the authorities... I will try to earn... Will there be any command?
Khlestakov. What order?
Ammos Fedorovich. I mean, would you give any order to the local county court?
Khlestakov. Why? Because I don't need it now.
Ammos Fyodorovich (bows and goes aside.) Well, our city!
Khlestakov (on his departure.) The judge is a good man.
Event IV
Khlestakov and the postmaster enter at length, in uniform, holding his sword.
Postmaster. I have the honor to introduce myself: postmaster, court adviser Shpekin.
Khlestakov. Ah, you are welcome. I love pleasant company. Sit down. Do you always live here?
Postmaster. So exactly, sir.
Khlestakov. And I like this town. Of course, not so crowded - so what? It's not the capital, after all. Isn't it true, it's not the capital?
Postmaster. Perfect truth.
Khlestakov. After all, it is only in the capital of Bonton and there are no provincial geese. What's your opinion, right?
Postmaster. So exactly, sir. (Aside.) But he, however, is not at all proud; asks about everything.
Khlestakov. But, however, admit it, you can live happily in a small town, right?
Postmaster. So exactly, sir.
Khlestakov. What do you need in my opinion? You just need to be respected, loved sincerely, isn't it?
Postmaster. Absolutely fair.
Khlestakov. I confess I am glad that you are of the same opinion as me. Of course, they will call me strange, but I have such a character. (Looking him in the eye, he says to himself.) And I'll ask this postmaster for a loan! (Aloud.) What a strange case with me: on the road I completely overspending. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?
Postmaster. Why? mail for the greatest happiness. Here, please. Ready to serve from the bottom of my heart.
Khlestakov. Very grateful. And I, to confess, do not like death to deny myself the road, and why? Is not it?
Postmaster. So exactly, sir. (He gets up, draws himself up and holds his sword.) Not daring to bother him with his presence any longer ... Will there be any remark about the post office?
Khlestakov. There is nothing.
The postmaster bows and leaves.
(Lighting a cigar.) The postmaster, it seems to me, is also a very good person. At least helpful. I love such people.
Phenomenon V
Khlestakov and Luka Lukich, who is almost pushed out of the door. Behind him, a voice can be heard almost aloud:
"What are you afraid of?"
Luka Lukich (stretching out, not without trembling.) I have the honor to introduce myself: superintendent of schools, titular adviser Khlopov.
Khlestakov. Ah, you are welcome! Sit down, sit down. Would you like a cigar? (Gives him a cigar.)
Luka Lukich (to himself, indecisively.) Here you go! Never imagined this. To take or not to take?
Khlestakov. Take, take; this is a decent cigar. Of course, not like in St. Petersburg. There, father, I smoked cigars for twenty-five rubles a hundred, you just kiss your hands after smoking. Here's a fire, light it up. (Gives him a candle.)
Luka Lukic tries to smoke and is trembling all over.
Not from that end!
Luka Lukich (he dropped his cigar in fright, spat, and waving his hand to himself.) Damn it all! cursed timidity ruined!
Khlestakov. You, as I see it, are not a fan of cigars. And I confess: this is my weakness. Here's more about the female sex, I just can not be indifferent. How are you? Which do you prefer - brunettes or blondes?
Luka Lukic is completely at a loss as to what to say.
No, tell me frankly: brunettes or blondes?
Luka Lukic. I dare not know.
Khlestakov. No, no, don't answer! I would like to know your taste.
Luka Lukic. I dare to report ... (Aside.) Well, I myself don’t know what I’m saying.
Khlestakov. BUT! a! don't want to say. That's right, some brunette made you a little snag. Admit it, did you?
Luka Lukic is silent.
BUT! a! blushed! See! see! Why don't you speak?
Luka Lukic. Terrified, your blah ... preos ... shining ... (Aside.) Sold the damned tongue, sold it!
Khlestakov. Frightened? And in my eyes there is definitely something that inspires timidity. At least I know that no woman can stand them, right?
Luka Lukic. So exactly, sir.
Khlestakov. Here is a strange case with me: on the road I completely spent it. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?
Luka Lukic (grabbing his pockets, to himself). Here are those thing, if not! There is, there is! (Takes out and gives, trembling, banknotes.)
Khlestakov. Thank you very much.
Luka Lukich (stretching himself and holding his sword.) I don't dare to bother you with my presence any longer.
Khlestakov. Farewell.
Luka Lukich (flies away almost at a run and speaks to the side.) Well, thank God! perhaps he will not look into the classes!
Event VI
Khlestakov and Artemy Filippovich, stretched out and holding the sword.
Artemy Filippovich. I have the honor to introduce myself: trustee of charitable institutions, court counselor Strawberry.
Khlestakov. Hello, please be seated.
Artemy Filippovich. I had the honor to accompany you and receive you personally in the charitable establishments entrusted to my supervision.
Khlestakov. Ah, yes! remember. You made a very good breakfast.
Artemy Filippovich. Glad to try to serve the fatherland.
Khlestakov. I - I confess, this is my weakness - I love good food. Tell me, please, it seems to me as if yesterday you were a little shorter, doesn't it?
Artemy Filippovich. It may very well be. (After a pause.) I can say that I do not regret anything and zealously fulfill my service. (Moves closer with his chair and speaks in an undertone.) The local postmaster is doing absolutely nothing: everything is in great disrepair, the parcels are delayed ... if you please, look for it yourself on purpose. The judge, too, who had just been before my arrival, goes only after hares, keeps dogs and behavior in public places, if I confess to you - of course, for the good of the fatherland, I must do this, although he is my relative and friend, - the behavior of himself reprehensible. There is one landowner here, Dobchinsky, whom you deigned to see; and as soon as this Dobchinsky leaves the house somewhere, he’s already sitting there with his wife, I’m ready to take the oath ... And purposely look at the children: not one of them looks like Dobchinsky, but everything, even the little girl, like a spitting judge.
Khlestakov. Tell me please! and I didn't think so.
Artemy Filippovich. Here is the superintendent of the local school ... I don’t know how the authorities could trust him with such a position: he is worse than a Jacobin, and inspires youth with such unintentional rules that it’s hard to even express. Would you like me to put it all down on paper?
Khlestakov. Well, at least on paper. I will be very pleased. You know, I really like to read something funny in a boring time ... What is your last name? I will forget everything.
Artemy Filippovich. Strawberry.
Khlestakov. Ah, yes! Strawberry. And so, tell me, please, do you have children?
Artemy Filippovich. Well, sir, five; two are already adults.
Khlestakov. Tell adults! And how are they ... how are they? ..
Artemy Filippovich. That is, would you please ask what their names are?
Khlestakov. Yes, what are their names?
Artemy Filippovich. Nikolay, Ivan, Elizabeth, Marya and Perepetua.
Khlestakov. This is good.
Artemy Filippovich. Not daring to disturb with his presence, to take away the time assigned to sacred duties ... (Bows to leave.)
Khlestakov (seeing off.) No, nothing. It's all very funny what you said. Please, at another time too... I love it very much. (Returns and, opening the door, shouts after him.) Hey, you! as you? I will forget everything, like your name and patronymic.
Artemy Filippovich. Artemy Filippovich.
Khlestakov. Do me a favor, Artemy Filippovich, a strange case happened to me: on the road I completely overspending. Do you have a loan of money - four hundred rubles?
Artemy Filippovich. There is.
Khlestakov. Tell me how it is. Thank you very much.
Appearance VII
Khlestakov, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky.
Bobchinsky. I have the honor to introduce myself: a resident of the local city, Peter Ivanov, son of Bobchinsky.
Dobchinsky. Landowner Peter Ivanov, son of Dobchinsky.
Khlestakov. Oh, yes, I've seen you. Do you think you fell? What, how is your nose?
Bobchinsky. God bless! don't worry about it: it's dried up, now it's completely dried up.
Khlestakov. It's good that it dried up. I'm glad... (Suddenly and abruptly.) You don't have any money?
Bobchinsky. Of money? how's the money?
Khlestakov (loudly and quickly). Borrow a thousand rubles.
Bobchinsky. Such an amount, by God, no. Haven't you, Pyotr Ivanovich?
Dobchinsky. I don’t have it with me, because my money, if you please know, is placed in the order of public charity.
Khlestakov. Yes, well, if you don’t have a thousand, then a hundred rubles.
BOBCHINSKY (finding in his pockets). Don't you have a hundred rubles, Pyotr Ivanovich? I have only forty banknotes.
Dobchinsky. (Looking into his wallet.) Twenty-five rubles total.
Bobchinsky. Yes, you look for something better, Pyotr Ivanovich! There, I know, there is a hole in your pocket on the right side, so they must have sunk into the hole somehow.
Dobchinsky. No, right, and there is no gap.
Khlestakov. Well, it does not matter. I'm just like that. Well, let it be sixty-five rubles. It does not matter. (Takes money.)
Dobchinsky. I dare to ask you about one very subtle circumstance.
Khlestakov. What is it?
Dobchinsky. It is a matter of a very subtle nature, sir: my eldest son, if you please, was born by me before marriage.
Khlestakov. Yes?
Dobchinsky. That is, it is only said so, but he was born by me so perfectly, as if in marriage, and all this, as it should, I then completed legally, with the bonds of matrimony, sir. So, if you please, I want him now to be completely, that is, my legitimate son, sir, and to be called the way I am: Dobchinsky, sir.
Khlestakov. Okay, let's call it! It's possible.
Dobchinsky. I wouldn't bother you, sorry about the ability. The boy is something of a kind ... he shows great hopes: he will recite poems by heart and, if a knife comes across somewhere, he will immediately make small tremors as skillfully as a magician, sir. So Pyotr Ivanovich knows.
Bobchinsky. Yes, he has great abilities.
Khlestakov. Good good! I'll try, I'll talk about it... I hope... all this will be done, yes, yes... (Turning to Bobchinsky.) Don't you also have something to tell me?
Bobchinsky. Well, I have a very humble request.
Khlestakov. What about what?
Bobchinsky. I humbly ask you, when you go to Petersburg, tell all the different nobles there: senators and admirals, that, your excellency, Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky lives in such and such a city. So say: Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky lives.
Khlestakov. Very well.
Bobchinsky. Yes, if the sovereign has to do this, then tell the sovereign that, they say, your imperial majesty, Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky lives in such and such a city.
Khlestakov. Very well.
Dobchinsky. Sorry for bothering you so much with my presence.
Bobchinsky. Sorry for bothering you so much with my presence.
Khlestakov. Nothing, nothing! I'm very pleased. (Shows them off.)
Appearance VIII
Khlestakov alone.
There are many officials here. It seems to me, however, that they take me for a statesman. That's right, I let them dust yesterday. What a fool! I'll write about everything in Petersburg to Tryapichkin: he writes little articles - let him put them together well. Hey, Osip, give me paper and ink!
Osip looked out of the door, saying: "Now."
And as for Tryapichkin, for sure, if someone gets on the tooth, beware: he will not spare his own father for a word, and he also loves money. However, these officials are kind people; it's a good trait of them that they gave me a loan. I'll check on purpose how much money I have. This is from the judge three hundred; it's three hundred, six hundred, seven hundred, eight hundred from the postmaster... What a greasy piece of paper! Eight hundred, nine hundred... Wow! It has exceeded a thousand ... Come on, now, captain, come on, get me now! Let's see who wins!
Appearance IX
Khlestakov and Osip with ink and paper.
Khlestakov. Well, you see, fool, how they treat me and receive me? (Starts to write.)
Osip. Yes thank God! Just know what, Ivan Alexandrovich?
Khlestakov (writes). And what?
Osip. Get out of here. Oh my god, it's about time.
Khlestakov (writes). That's nonsense! What for?
Osip. Yes so. God bless them all! Walked here for two days - well, that's enough. What's with them for a long time to contact? Spit on them! not even an hour, some other one will run over ... by God, Ivan Alexandrovich! And the horses here are glorious - they would roll up like that! ..
Khlestakov (writes). No, I still want to live here. Let tomorrow.
Osip. Yes, tomorrow! By God, let's go, Ivan Alexandrovich! Although it is a great honor to you, but everyone, you know, it’s better to leave soon: after all, they really took you for someone else ... And the priest will be angry that they hesitated so much. So, right, they rolled nicely! And important horses would be given here.
Khlestakov (writes). OK then. Just take this letter in advance; Perhaps, together and take the road. Yes, but, see that the horses are good! Tell the coachmen that I will give a ruble; so that, like courier, they would roll and sing songs! .. (Continues to write.) I imagine Tryapichkin will die of laughter ...
Osip. I, sir, will send him with a man from here, and I will better pack myself, so that time does not pass in vain.
Khlestakov (writes). Good. Bring only a candle.
OSIP (goes out and speaks offstage.) Hey, listen, brother! Take the letter to the post office and tell the postmaster to accept it without money; yes, tell them to bring the best troika, the courier, to the master now; and the run, tell me, the master does not plot: the run, they say, say, state-owned. Yes, so that everything is more alive, but not that, they say, the master is angry. Wait, the letter isn't ready yet.
Khlestakov (continues to write). Curious to know where he now lives - in Pochtamtskaya or Gorokhovaya? After all, he also likes to often move from apartment to apartment and underpay. I'll write at random to the Post Office. (Rolls up and writes.)
Osip brings a candle. Khlestakov is typing. At this time, the voice of Derzhimorda is heard: "Where are you climbing, beard? They tell you that you are not ordered to let anyone in."
(Gives Osip a letter.) Here, take it.
Noise increases.
What is it, Osip? Look at that noise.
OSIP (looking out the window.) Some merchants want to come in, but the quarterly does not allow it. Waving papers: right, they want to see you.
Khlestakov (going up to the window.) And what about you, my dears?
Khlestakov. Let them in, let them in! let them go. Osip, tell them: let them go.
Osip leaves.
(Accepts requests from the window, unfolds one of them and reads:) "To his noble lordship, the lord of finance from the merchant Abdulin ..." The devil knows what: there is no such rank!
Phenomenon X
Khlestakov and merchants with a body of wine and sugar heads.
Khlestakov. What about you, dear ones?
Merchants. We beat your grace with a forehead!
Khlestakov. What do you want?
Merchants. Do not lose, sir! We endure insults quite in vain.
Khlestakov. From whom?
One of the merchants. Yes, everything from the local mayor. There has never been such a mayor, sir. He makes such grievances that it is impossible to describe. Let's wait completely froze, at least climb into the loop. He does not act according to his actions. He grabs by the beard, says: "Oh, you, Tatar!" By God! If, that is, they didn’t respect him in some way, otherwise we always follow the order: what follows on the dresses of his wife and daughter - we don’t stand against it. No, you see, all this is not enough for him - she-she! He will come to the store and take whatever he gets. The cloth sees the thing, says: "Hey, honey, this is a good cloth: bring it to me." Well, you carry it, but in a piece there will be nearly fifty arshins.
Khlestakov. Really? Oh, what a swindler he is!
Merchants. By God! no one will remember such a mayor. So you hide everything in the shop when you see him. That is, not to mention, what delicacy, he takes all sorts of rubbish: prunes such that they have been in a barrel for seven years already, that my inmate will not eat, and he will put a whole handful into it. His name days are on Anton, and it seems that you will inflict everything, you don’t need anything; no, give him some more: he says, and on Onufry is his name day.
Khlestakov. Yes, it's just a robber!
Merchants. Hey! And try to contradict, he will bring a whole regiment to your house to wait. And if anything, orders to lock the doors. "I," he says, "I will not," he says, subject you to corporal punishment or torture - this, he says, is prohibited by law, but here you are, my dear, eating herrings!
Khlestakov. Ah, what a swindler! Yes, for this just to Siberia.
Merchants. Yes, where your mercy does not send him away, everything will be fine, if only, that is, away from us. Do not disdain, our father, bread and salt: we bow to you with sugar and a box of wine.
Khlestakov. No, don't think so: I don't take any bribes at all. Now, if you, for example, offered me a loan of three hundred rubles - well, then it's a completely different matter: I can take a loan.
Merchants. Come on, our father! (They take out the money.) Yes, three hundred! It's better to take five hundred, just help.
Khlestakov. Excuse me: on loan - I won't say a word, I'll take it.
Merchants (bring money to him on a silver tray.) Oh, please, and take it together.
Khlestakov. Well, you can have a tray.
Merchants (bowing). So take the sugar at once.
Khlestakov. Oh no, I'm not taking bribes...
Osip. Your honor! why don't you take it? Take it! Everything is useful on the road. Come here heads and a bag! Give it all! everything will go well. What's there? rope? Give me a rope, and the rope will come in handy on the road: the cart will break off or something else, you can tie it up.
Merchants. So do me such a favor, Your Excellency. If you already, that is, do not help in our request, then we don’t know what to do: just climb into the noose at least.
Khlestakov. Certainly, absolutely! I will try to.
Who's there? (Goes to the window.) What about you, mother?
Khlestakov (through the window). Skip her.
Phenomenon XI
Khlestakov, locksmith and non-commissioned officer.
locksmith (bowing at his feet). Welcome...
Non-commissioned officer. Welcome...
Khlestakov. What kind of women are you?
Non-commissioned officer. Non-commissioned officer wife of Ivanov.
locksmith. A locksmith, a local bourgeoisie, Fevronya Petrova Poshlepkina, my father...
Khlestakov. Stop, speak alone first. What do you need?
locksmith. I beg your pardon: I hit the mayor with my forehead! God send him all evil! That neither his children, nor him, the swindler, nor his uncles, nor his aunts had any profit in anything!
Khlestakov. And what?
locksmith. Yes, he ordered my husband to shave his forehead into soldiers, and the line didn’t fall on us, such a swindler! and according to the law it is impossible: he is married.
Khlestakov. How could he do it?
Locksmith. The swindler did it, he did it - God bless him in this and this world! So that he, if there is an aunt, then every dirty trick to the aunt, and if his father is alive with him, then so that he, the rascal, will die or choke forever, such a swindler! It was necessary to take the son of a tailor, he was also a drunkard, and his parents gave a rich gift, so he joined the son of the merchant Panteleeva, and Panteleeva also sent three pieces of canvas to his wife; so he to me. "What, he says, is your husband for? He's no good for you." Yes, I know - it's good or not good; it's my business, such a scammer! "He, he says, is a thief; although he has not stolen now, but all the same, he says, he will steal, he will be recruited next year anyway." Yes, what is it like for me without a husband, such a swindler! I'm a weak man, you scoundrel! So that all your relatives do not happen to see the light of God! And if there is a mother-in-law, then so that the mother-in-law ...
Khlestakov. Good good. Well, what about you? (Escorts the old woman.)
Locksmith (leaving.) Do not forget, our father! be merciful!
Non-commissioned officer. I came to the mayor, father, ...
Khlestakov. Well, yes, why? speak in short words.
Non-commissioned officer. Cut, father!
Khlestakov. How?
Non-commissioned officer. By mistake, my father! Our women got into a fight in the market, and the police did not arrive in time to grab me. Yes, so they reported: for two days I could not sit.
Khlestakov. So what to do now?
Non-commissioned officer. Yes, of course, there is nothing to do. And for a mistake, they ordered him to pay a fine. I have nothing to give up on my happiness, and the money would be very useful to me now.
Khlestakov. Good good. Get up, get up! I will arrange.
Hands stick out the window with requests.
Who else is there? (Goes to the window.) I don't want to, I don't want to! No need, no need! (Departing.) Tired, damn it! Don't let me in, Osip!
Osip (shouting out the window). Go-go! No time, come tomorrow!
The door opens, and some figure in a frieze overcoat, with an unshaven beard, a swollen lip, and a bandaged cheek, is exposed; behind it, several others appear in perspective.
Go, go! what are you climbing? (He rests his hands on the belly of the first and bulges out with him into the hallway, slamming the door behind him.)
Appearance XII
Khlestakov and Marya Antonovna.
Maria Antonovna. Oh!
Khlestakov. Why are you so afraid, ma'am?
Maria Antonovna. No, I wasn't scared.
KHLESTAKOV (drawn.) Pardon me, madam, I am very pleased that you took me for such a person who ... I dare to ask you: where did you intend to go?
Maria Antonovna. Right, I didn't go anywhere.
Khlestakov. Why, for example, did you not go anywhere?
Maria Antonovna. I was wondering if my mother was here...
Khlestakov. No, I would like to know why you didn't go anywhere?
Maria Antonovna. I disturbed you. You were doing important things.
Khlestakov (draws.) And your eyes are better than important things ... You can’t interfere with me in any way, you can’t in any way; on the contrary, you can bring pleasure.
Maria Antonovna. You speak metropolitan.
Khlestakov. For a beautiful person like you. Dare I be so happy to offer you a chair? but no, you should not have a chair, but a throne.
Maria Antonovna. Really, I don't know... I had to go that way. (Sela.)
Khlestakov. What a beautiful handkerchief you have!
Maria Antonovna. You are scoffers, just to laugh at the provincials.
Khlestakov. How I wish, madam, to be your handkerchief to hug your lily neck.
Maria Antonovna. I don’t understand at all what you are talking about: some kind of handkerchief ... Today, what a strange weather!
Khlestakov. And your lips, madam, are better than any weather.
Maria Antonovna. You all say such things ... I would ask you to write me better some rhymes in the album as a keepsake. You certainly know a lot of them.
Khlestakov. For you, ma'am, whatever you want. Demand, what verses do you want?
Maria Antonovna. Some such - good, new.
Khlestakov. Yes, poetry! I know a lot of them.
Maria Antonovna. Well, tell me, what will you write to me?
Khlestakov. But why talk? I already know them.
Maria Antonovna. I love them very much...
Khlestakov. Yes, I have a lot of them. Well, perhaps I’ll at least give you this: “Oh, you, that in sorrow you grumble in vain against God, man! ..” Well, and others ... now I can’t remember; however, this is nothing. I'd rather present to you my love instead, which is from your gaze ... (Pulling up a chair.)
Maria Antonovna. Love! I don't understand love... I never knew what love was... (Pushing back her chair.)
Khlestakov (pulling up a chair). Why are you moving your chair back? We'd better sit close to each other.
Marya Antonovna (drawing back). Why close? still far away.
Khlestakov (advancing). Why is it far? still close
MARYA ANTONOVNA (draws back). Why is this?
Khlestakov (advancing). Why, it only seems to you that it is close; and you imagine how far away. How happy I would be, madam, if I could press you into my arms.
MARYA ANTONOVNA (looks out the window). What is it that seems to have flown? Magpie or some other bird?
Khlestakov (kisses her on the shoulder and looks out the window.) It's a magpie.
MARYA ANTONOVNA (gets up indignantly.) No, this is too much... Such impudence!...
Khlestakov (holding her). Excuse me, madam, I did it out of love, just out of love.
Maria Antonovna. You regard me as such a provincial... (Tries to leave.)
Khlestakov (continuing to hold her.) Out of love, really, out of love. I was only joking, Marya Antonovna, don't be angry! I am ready on my knees to ask your forgiveness. (Falls to her knees.) Excuse me, forgive me! You see, I'm on my knees.
Appearance XIII
The same and Anna Andreevna.
Anna Andreevna (seeing Khlestakov on his knees). Ah, what a passage!
Khlestakov (getting up) Oh, damn it!
Anna Andreevna (daughter). What does that mean, ma'am! What kind of actions are these?
Maria Antonovna. I mama...
Anna Andreevna. Get out of here! hear: away, away! And don't you dare show yourself.
Maria Antonovna leaves in tears.
Anna Andreevna. Excuse me, I confess, I am taken in such amazement ...
Khlestakov (aside). And she is also very appetizing, very good-looking. (He falls on his knees.) Madame, you see, I am burning with love.
Anna Andreevna. How are you on your knees? Ah, get up, get up! here the floor is quite unclean.
Khlestakov No, on my knees, certainly on my knees! I want to know what is destined for me: life or death.
Anna Andreevna. But excuse me, I still do not fully understand the meaning of the words. If I'm not mistaken, are you making a declaration about my daughter?
Khlestakov No, I'm in love with you. My life is in the balance. If you do not crown my constant love, then I am unworthy of earthly existence. With a flame in my chest, I ask for your hand.
Anna Andreevna. But let me tell you, I'm sort of... I'm married.
Khlestakov It's nothing! For love there is no difference; and Karamzin said: "Laws condemn." We will retire under the canopy of the jets... Hands of yours, hands please!
Appearance XIV
The same and Marya Antonovna, suddenly runs in.
Maria Antonovna. Mommy, daddy said that you ... (Seeing Khlestakov on his knees, she screams.) Ah, what a passage!
Anna Andreevna. Well, what are you? to what? why? What windiness is this! Suddenly she ran in like a mad cat. So what did you find so amazing? Well, what did you want? Right, like a three-year-old child. It doesn't look, doesn't look, doesn't look like she was eighteen at all. I do not know when you will be more prudent, when you will behave like a well-bred girl; when you will know what good rules and solidity in actions are.
Marya Antonovna (through tears). I really didn't know, mother...
Anna Andreevna. You always have some kind of through wind walking around in your head; you take an example from the daughters of Lyapkin-Tyapkin. What do you want to look at them? you don't need to look at them. You have other examples - your mother is in front of you. Here are some examples you should follow.
Khlestakov (grasping his daughter by the hand). Anna Andreevna, do not oppose our well-being, bless our constant love!
Anna Andreevna (with amazement). So are you into it?
Khlestakov. Decide: life or death?
Anna Andreevna. Well, you see, fool, well, you see: because of you, a sort of rubbish, the guest deigned to kneel; and you suddenly ran in like crazy. Well, really, it’s worth it that I purposely refuse: you are unworthy of such happiness.
Maria Antonovna. I won't, mama. Right, I won't go ahead.
Appearance XV
The same and the mayor in a hurry.
Mayor. Your Excellency! don't lose! don't lose!
Khlestakov. What's wrong with you?
Mayor. There the merchants complained to Your Excellency. I assure you with honor, and half of what they say is not. They themselves deceive and measure the people. The non-commissioned officer lied to you that I whipped her; she's lying, by God, she's lying. She carved herself.
Khlestakov. Fail the non-commissioned officer - I have no time for her!
Mayor. Don't believe, don't believe! These are such liars... such a child will not believe them. They are already known throughout the city for liars. And as for fraud, I dare to report: these are such fraudsters as the world has not produced.
Anna Andreevna. Do you know what honor Ivan Alexandrovich bestows on us? He asks for the hand of our daughter.
Mayor. Where! where! .. Crazy, mother! Do not be angry, Your Excellency: she is a bit of a fool, her mother was the same.
Khlestakov. Yes, I'm definitely asking for a hand. I'm in love.
Mayor. I can't believe your excellency!
Anna Andreevna. When do they tell you?
Khlestakov. I'm not jokingly telling you ... I can go crazy with love.
Mayor. I dare not believe, I am not worthy of such an honor.
Khlestakov. Yes, if you don't agree to hand over Marya Antonovna's hands, then the devil knows what I'm ready for...
Mayor. I can't believe it: you're joking, Your Excellency!
Anna Andreevna. Oh, what a chump indeed! Well, when are they talking to you?
Mayor. I can't believe.
Khlestakov. Give, give! I am a desperate person, I will decide on everything: when I shoot myself, they will put you on trial.
Mayor. Oh my god! I, she-she, am not guilty either in soul or body. Don't get angry! Feel free to do as your grace pleases! It's really in my head now ... I myself don't know what's going on. Such a fool has now become, such as he has never been before.
Anna Andreevna. Well, bless!
Khlestakov approaches with Marya Antonovna.
Mayor. God bless you, and it's not my fault.
Khlestakov kisses Marya Antonovna. The mayor looks at them.
What the hell! Indeed! (Rubs his eyes.) Kissing! Ah, fathers, they kiss! Perfect fiance! (Screams, jumping for joy.) Ay, Anton! Hey Anton! Hey mayor! Wow, how did it go!
Appearance XVI
The same and Osip.
Osip. The horses are ready.
Khlestakov. Ah, well... I am now.
Mayor. How? Would you like to go?
Khlestakov. Yes, I'm going.
Mayor. And when, that is ... you yourself deigned to hint about, it seems, a wedding?
Khlestakov. And this ... For one minute only ... for one day to his uncle - a rich old man; and back tomorrow.
Mayor. We dare not hold back in any way, in the hope of a safe return.
Khlestakov. How, how, I suddenly. Farewell, my love... no, I just can't express it! Farewell, darling! (Kisses her hand.)
Mayor. Do you need anything for the journey? You deigned, it seems, to need money?
Khlestakov. Oh no, what is it for? (Thinking a little.) But, perhaps.
Mayor. How much do you want?
Khlestakov. Yes, then you gave two hundred, that is, not two hundred, but four hundred - I do not want to take advantage of your mistake - so, perhaps, now the same amount, so that it is already exactly eight hundred.
Mayor. Now! (Takes it out of his wallet.) Also, as if on purpose, with the newest pieces of paper.
Khlestakov. Ah, yes! (Takes and examines banknotes.) That's good. After all, this, they say, is a new happiness, when brand new pieces of paper.
Mayor. So exactly, sir.
Khlestakov. Farewell, Anton Antonovich! Much obliged for your hospitality. I confess from the bottom of my heart: I have never had such a good reception anywhere. Farewell, Anna Andreevna! Farewell, my darling Marya Antonovna!
The bell is ringing. The curtain falls.
Two heads and six legs; four walk, and two lie still
Self-esteem - what is it: concept, structure, types and levels
Cassandra's Path, or Pasta Adventures War on Earth and Underground