Psychological resilience training. Emotional stability is the key to peace of mind

I congratulate you on the fact that you are already a fairly stable person, because. types with a completely unstable psyche do not read such materials, but spend time in appropriate institutions. But most likely you are still able to get annoyed at the actions of certain people, experience a feeling of indecision, and sometimes be led by someone. So, this article will be useful to you.

In the question "how to become psychologically stable" it is worth going from the contrary, namely, to close the "holes" through which your psychological stability flows. The fact is that initially a person is born very energetic, and endlessly enjoys life. Then, in the course of upbringing, something happens to him (to most people), and they lose their energy. This is what needs to be dealt with, because. it is the loss of energy, as well as neuroses, that lead to psychological instability. Modern life is generally quite safe and comfortable (primitive people could only dream of such a thing), so you have very few real reasons for fear and concern.

Working with traumas and "energy holes"

I’ll make a reservation right away - by energy holes I don’t mean anything esoteric. Energy holes are those mental programs that drastically squander your energy. For the most part, such programs are the ideals described in the article on self-esteem. For example, if you have decided within yourself to conform to the image of a real man, then you will lose resistance to manipulation through this image. They will tell you: “Are you a man or what?”, And you will immediately be taken by anger or nervous trembling.

There is a physiological mechanism at work here: any emotionally significant thought triggers the release of mood neurotransmitters. For example, pleasant thoughts about an upcoming trip are pleasant because they trigger the release of dopamine. Conversely, the thought that you have been rude can provoke the production of thyroxin, which causes irritability. By the way, that is why, turning annoying thoughts in the head, a person can break loose on someone who has nothing to do with it at all.

It is easier to prevent than to cure

At the moment of the fuse, it is pointless to calm oneself down in any way - a portion of the hormones of anger, fear, irritation, etc. has already been released into the body. It is better to learn to prevent thoughts that trigger the release of the wrong hormones. To do this, you should use a method called: "I do not think in this direction." You can start with simple tasks: You feel that thoughts have begun, from which the mood may worsen. You pause in thinking (it is possible through a stoppage of breathing), and when you feel that you have been let go (thoughts have been released), you tell yourself that you will not think in this direction. If the thought flow still does not let go, you can start asking questions to your thoughts: “Why is this important to me?”, “Why am I thinking this?” etc. That is, in every possible way to turn thinking in the other direction, not allowing it to go along the knurled, and, as a rule, negative path. You can also add to this any decision about your actions.

For example, a colleague did not greet you, and you are already starting to think the thought: “Why didn’t he say hello? Offended by me? Probably due to the fact that yesterday I did not praise his new suit ... ". You hold your breath and say to yourself: “Stop, I don’t think in this direction.” If the situation is completely unimportant for you, thoughts will let you go, and if you continue to think about it, then just for any thought (for example, “Oh, he is so vindictive, he will do some other dirty trick to me”) ask yourself “Why should I it is important?". Next, you may decide to talk to a colleague about his mood.

Working with energy

By removing a large number of malicious mental programs, you will make yourself a psychologically more stable person, and your life more comfortable. But you can also enhance the effect if you increase the strength of your energy. What actions can increase energy?

Towards dreams

In the engine of a car, energy is in a potential form - in the form of fuel. The spark plug helps to turn this energy from potential to real. A person also has such a spark plug, which is called dreams, desires, passions. Moreover, if the desire is weak, then it almost does not include energy. But if the desire is strong, then the energy rises to the maximum.

That is why it is very important to look for and define your desires - they will help you get off the path of lethargy and apathy, gain confidence and embark on the path of great achievements, from which it is very difficult to knock a person down due to high psychological stability.

Sport - is life

A sedentary lifestyle is one of the most significant causes of lethargy and laziness. The fact is that when playing sports, the dopaminergic (releasing the hormone of vigor dopamine) system is activated. The work of this system significantly invigorates a person, giving a surge of strength and desire to do what he loves. The lack of sports load, and as a result, the lack of a natural stimulant (dopamine) leads to lethargy, moral fatigue, and sometimes breakdowns for the slightest reason.

Therefore, leading a sedentary lifestyle, be sure to give yourself a load, which can be anything: running, push-ups, dancing to your favorite music, gymnastics, etc. Choose the exercises you like and practice them during your breaks.

Body practices

Sitting in one position for a long time, you will inevitably encounter micro-clamps in the body, since in general a fixed position is unnatural for the body. And people who work in this spirit for years have a very inflexible body. In addition, the clamps in the body strongly block the energy, because. it is spent on overcoming them during movements. By the way, this is why many people generally have no desire to make at least one extra movement, and instead they prefer to lie down or sit down in one position.
Therefore, in order to remove the clamps, revitalize the body and increase your energy, it is recommended to carry out various bodily practices that remove the clamps. These include massage, contrast shower, hot bath, ice hole, yoga, Pilates, etc. Even if after sitting you just get up and stretch (bend-straighten), you will remove some of the clamps.

Sex

Although this topic is not very welcome in discussions, it is the most important one in the topic of strengthening energy. Why? Because at the moment of sexual orgasm, a person releases the maximum amount of energy hormones into the body. And the resulting charge can be used for the most important and difficult tasks.
Therefore, your sex life should be dealt with separately.

Remove the horror stories and go on an anti-news diet

Unfortunately, our culture is built on intimidation, that is, a person is taught to be afraid. In news broadcasts, presenters literally compete to report more news about terrorist attacks, natural disasters, murders, global warming, and so on. Yes, there are also programs about how dangerous it is to eat fat because of high cholesterol or about the terrible harm of coffee and chocolate. Perceiving all this, a person begins to be afraid, and what is most terrible, it is pointless to be afraid.
Therefore, everything that the media says (especially if it concerns politics), and that at the same time is not related to your work, it is better to remove from life. I would also recommend removing films whose characters annoy you - this also undermines psychological stability.
Self-discipline is one of the signs of psychological stability, which will be discussed in detail in the next article. In order not to miss an article about it, subscribe to blog updates. See you soon!

And if emotions control a person, can he be an effective manager?

Let me give you a familiar situation. Morning meeting. The boss is screaming, his face is red, distorted with righteous anger, he can hardly find words that replace the understandable Russian mat. Employees listen, not because they like it, but because their salary depends on the manager. But response emotions are born inside, there are words that the inner voice pronounces without any censorship, since they will not be spoken aloud. As a result, negatively emotionally charged employees go to customers and pour out all the contents of their spiritual basement in the form of emotions on them. Customers are dissatisfied, they are outraged, so they emotionally convey their indignation at poor service to that same boss.

Morning meeting. The chief shouts... And so every day. Business collapses, health goes. And there's nothing you can do - emotions! Or is there something that can be done? At least think.

The boss screams because he is bitter to see how customers carry money to another place.
According to the theory of psychologists W. James and C. G. Lange,
The boss is bitter because he screams.
Another insight into the situation:
The boss is screaming for
To influence employees
and he is bitter and bad for
to make it work.

Oddly enough, it works, each time a negative experience is successfully acquired, leading to the collapse of the business and the loss of the last remnants of health. So, we thought, is it true that nothing can be changed? After expressing such thoughts to one sweet girl, the head of the sales department of a large chain store, she said: “After these reflections, the question hung in the air for me!” Good. Sometimes questions are more important than answers, while we think, there is a chance to change everything for the better.

Another situation. It so happens that girls at work are more "related" than working. For them, it is important who came in what, what news in their personal lives, who left whom, how they painted, and it is imperative to find out the relationship with the one who dared to come to work in the same shoes as mine. The whole attitude is conveyed with the help of rich, often negative emotions, and by dinnertime, emotions are unwinding so that work fades into the background. Clients interfere, because inside the mass of the unspoken boils, and they with their own problems.

· Whoever works in a women's team can imagine this.

Of course, not always and not everywhere, but it happens. There are various reasons behind all this rejection and showdown. But when the leadership tries to put things in order, the scandalous young ladies give an iron argument from their point of view, for example, this: “after she told me this, I just could not restrain myself and exploded!”. What does it mean in translation, after I heard some words, I relieved myself of the obligation to be a decent person and allowed myself to emotionally misbehave.

· Because when emotions came, they began to lead the person, and not he them.

And if the leader believes in the sacred right of his subordinates to make trouble, and not work, hiding behind surging emotions, then the prospects for the prosperity of the business become very vague.

I think that a good manager is an emotionally stable manager. Why is that? The answer is simple. Negative emotions are expensive. Firstly, in terms of money, and secondly, the most precious thing - health - is wasted. Customers often take money where they are welcome, even if they buy worse products than from a gloomy and unfriendly seller, but offering a better product. Simple truth, smile, friendliness, joy - money attracts. Other emotions and states - anger, irritation, inattention, money "scare away". Since the mind and body are very connected systems, negative emotions greatly affect the deterioration of health. If there is constant negativity in the head, and emotions of irritation and anger on the face, then over time, the person acquires the appearance that he deserves. A mask appears on the face “Do not fit in - it will kill!”, The body becomes like a transformer box, the head is constantly buzzing, because it is hard to carry a lot of negative experiences in oneself. Such people no longer think about a successful, efficient, beautiful life - if only they could survive. And any employer tries to get rid of such people, because they cannot work effectively.

But if the negative emotions that interfere with work are just a habit, what to do?

You can learn how to manage your emotions in Sinton at the training "World of emotions: self-management»

As Epictetus said: “What remedy can be found against habit? The opposite habit.

Dominating your emotions is as good a habit as brushing your teeth in the morning, washing your face, saying hello! When we were small children and did not know how to do any of the above, but we learned. The good news is that it's never too late to start managing your emotions. Especially if you understand how it can be beneficial.

A wild cat, falling into a trap, is silent. Because it's profitable. She knows that if she yells in the forest, she will quickly get eaten in the wild world of forest competition. Step on the tail of a domestic cat - it will yell. A domestic cat in the forest will not survive, she hopes that she will always be taken care of, fed, cared for, protected. The essence of emotions is such that their control leads to success, the lack of control leads to addiction and defeat.

The world of business is a wild forest of competition, with its own laws, rules, and fairness. Only those who can manage their condition, their emotions, their life survive in it. Trainings that will also help you survive and understand the world of business are collected in the sections "

From a scientific point of view, psychological stability is interpreted as the ability of a person to function adequately under the pressure of adverse conditions. Esotericists believe that psychological stability is the fulfillment of one's karmic tasks in life. You can choose any point of view. There are effective methods for developing psychological resilience in your character.

rationalization method

This method is based on the fact that it is necessary to consciously change your attitude to the situation. In this case, the situation becomes less traumatic for a person. Most conflicts can be resolved by your efforts. You can not direct the conflict inward, as this can resolve your internal energy. In order to master this method, it is necessary to reduce the emotional coloring of the event that happened to you. Turn off the emotional background. Give yourself the installation "it's good that ...". Watch your speech, even in your thoughts do not say "it's a pity that ...", "how could this happen." If you are already in, then think not about him, but how to resolve the situation.

Switching method

The ability to switch in time is a great gift. Most often, we dig into our emotions and begin to analyze what has already happened. This happens especially often if the situation is protracted. Switch to what you love. It could be your favorite hobby, meeting up with friends. Spending time with friends, laughter and humor helps a lot. The main thing in this case is to get positive emotions and get rid of the negative.

Catharsis method

Catharsis is a spiritual cleansing of the body, a way to neutralize negative emotions. Catharsis was used more than two centuries ago by Aristotle himself. Catharsis was actively used in psychotherapy for the treatment of neuroses. In the modern sense, catharsis can be seen as a sincere conversation with friends. You should not experience troubles alone, as not everyone can cope with the problems that have piled up. It is better to talk with a loved one.

Method of "paper complaints"

This method is used by many since childhood, but is often forgotten over the years. Almost every person in childhood had a diary in which we wrote our experiences and problems. In adulthood, putting your thoughts on paper will help you understand yourself and solve the problem. Keep a notebook in which you will record your thoughts during the conflict. When you write everything you think is necessary on paper, reread later and supplement with the necessary information. You can also write an action plan.

All methods are good, but the main thing to remember is that there are no unsolvable situations. In most cases, an optimal solution can be found. It all depends on your efforts and ability to be psychologically stable.

Life tests the strength of each person without exception. Various difficulties and problems can lead even the most hardened and stress-resistant person out of a state of peace of mind. Despite the fact that emotions are a very necessary and important component of a harmoniously developed personality, in many situations they can cause great harm.

Decisions made under the influence of emotions are not always beneficial. A wide range of emotions is good, but what if they cause too many problems? How do you develop emotional resilience in a world of more and more stressors?

What is emotional stability and why is it needed?

Psychologists understand emotional stability as a person's ability to withstand adverse factors, overcome a state of emotional arousal and quickly return to a state of peace of mind after stress. For an emotionally stable person, every stressful situation is like training. He becomes stronger, wiser, more sensible in solving problems and calmly endures all the vicissitudes of fate.

Why is it important to develop such resilience? Because it is she who is a guarantee that a person will not “get lost” in a difficult situation, will endure stress without nervous breakdowns and other unpleasant consequences. Strong emotional instability of the personality (neuroticism) can cause the development of nervous diseases, neuroses, and depression. Not to mention the fact that the relatives of such a person have a hard time. They now and then become witnesses of emotional scenes, showdowns, panic from exaggeration of the consequences of any problem. All this does not strengthen either love or friendship, because under the influence of emotions a person very often behaves inappropriately.

neuroticism characterized by instability, impressionability, sensitivity, poor adaptation to new circumstances, a high degree of anxiety and tension. Emotional stability, on the contrary, is expressed in the ability to “pull oneself together”, maintain organized behavior and clear thinking in any situation.

Factors affecting emotional stability

Let's start with the fact that it can be innate and acquired: some from childhood have such a set of qualities that allows them to keep their cool and keep rational thinking in good shape, while others develop stress resistance through long and hard work on themselves.

What determines the degree of emotional stability?

It is influenced by factors such as:

• Temperament. Obviously, "pure" sanguine people tolerate stress much more easily than other types of temperament, since they are characterized by low neuroticism and high extraversion. However, pure types of temperament are extremely rare. In addition, do not think that if you are a choleric or melancholic person, then emotional stability is not available to you. You just need to put in more effort to develop it.
• Leading hemisphere. As you know, the left hemisphere is responsible for logic, and the right - for the emotional sphere. If the leader is right, it is more difficult for a person to keep emotions under control and act calmly.
• Presence of suppressed needs. Psychologists know that if natural needs are artificially suppressed, this can cause the development of psychological problems, which, in turn, will affect emotional stability. The suppression of needs, whether physical, social or spiritual, deforms the personality and its behavior.
• Self-esteem, the presence of psychological problems. A person with low self-esteem, as a rule, is very unhappy, which no longer contributes to stability. Any psychological problems affect the ability of the individual to withstand stress.
• Number, strength and frequency of stressors etc. Everyone has their own ceiling of emotional endurance. But even strong people can be very difficult to endure difficulties that they have not encountered before, especially if they have piled on at once, and it seems that there is no way out.

Ways to develop emotional stability, their pros and cons

1. Various spiritual practices especially the eastern ones. Often they combine all the following items. There are indeed benefits from them, but it should be borne in mind that mastering them is not so easy, and besides, it can take years. To succeed, you need to change your lifestyle, and this will not suit everyone.
2. Meditation. It doesn't always mean going into a trance. She, of course, has advantages - she helps to abstract from oppressive thoughts, calm down, get rid of negative emotions, but does not solve psychological problems.
3. Visualization. This is practically the same as meditation, only the attention is focused on some visible object, for example, on a landscape. A beautiful view calms the nervous system no worse than a pleasant melody or touch.
4. Breathing techniques. They are also very beneficial for physical and mental health. Especially right at the moment when emotions swept over. Breath control will help restore mental balance.
5. Sport. As you know, physical health is very important for the psycho-emotional state. Sport improves well-being, improves mood, self-esteem, triggers protective reactions of the body. It must be present in the life of every person, but, again, it does not solve internal problems.

These are all superficial, indirect ways to increase emotional resilience. Perhaps they are good for solving momentary problems: when you need to quickly restore balance or maintain external calm. The weak side of all these techniques is that they are akin to headache pills - they only work when you use them. They relieve the symptom, but do not solve the problem, because they do not lead to a change in the threshold of emotional sensitivity. As soon as you stop the above practices, the problem returns.

You need to look at the root: since the problem is psychological, then its causes lie in the characteristics of the character and ways of responding to stress. That is why the help of a psychologist is the most optimal - it will allow you to stabilize the emotional state through the solution of internal "problems".

Psychological help and emotional stability

How can a psychologist help you improve your emotional resilience?

1. He will listen to you, analyze the information received. With the help of questions, clarifications and special techniques, it will help you look at situations that destabilize you from a different angle.
2. It will help you understand yourself, together with you will discover the causes of a particular psychological reaction. In the future, this will help to change the strength of emotions and experiences at times of difficulty.
3. Reveal associated psychological problems, help in their solution.
4. Will develop an individual model for the development of emotional stability, based on your temperament, situation, life experience and other factors.

Case Study

Galina complained to the psychologist that she was experiencing difficulties at work, in the family and in everyday life very hard. Especially clearly she realized the problem when it became necessary to buy an apartment. The hassle associated with this literally crippled the woman. She did not sleep at night, she kept thinking, no matter how she was deceived, turning the details in her head, worried and nervous. Because of this, she could not concentrate on work and seemed to have dropped out of life. Very soon, nervous exhaustion also affected her physical health: Galina experienced headaches, insomnia, and digestive problems. Scandals began in the family - the woman constantly talked only about the upcoming deal, because of which everyone in the house quarreled.

As it turned out in the course of psychological work, the reasons for the increased susceptibility of the client of the Center were: a high level of stress in life and constant concern for the family, even at the cost of rest and sleep. Over the past year and a half, Galina had to endure the loss of a loved one, a job change, moving from her father's house and entering an independent life as an older child. Emotionally, she did not have time to recover and the next stress was the last straw, “the nerves were finally shaken,” as Galina herself determined. In addition, increased anxiety characteristic of a woman, a tendency to constantly doubt and the desire to keep everything, down to the smallest detail, under personal control, made their contribution.

The focus of the specialist's work was the study of previous stresses, and work with feelings, and setting priorities in such a way that Galina's needs and desires also had a place and time. Together with the psychologist, life attitudes and experiences that formed excessive anxiety were considered more than once, and gradually it was possible to overcome it. Emotional stability has become a reliable companion for a woman in overcoming life's troubles.

The psychologist helped Galina calm down, taught her to assess risks and treat them correctly, not to exaggerate problems. The transaction was successful, now Galina already lives in a new apartment. She still sees a psychologist because developing emotional resilience takes time and effort. As the woman herself admitted, without the help of a psychologist it would be much more difficult for her to cope with her own rebellious emotions.

Psychotherapy in this case is indeed very effective, as it promotes internal changes and restoration of balance for a long period of time.

Interview of Denis Kazantsev with psychologist Oleg Gadetsky in Kazan after the seminars. Information taken from the site: http://kazan.hari.ru/Gazeta/gazeta52.htm

Who remembers Caesar?

- How to become psychologically stable?

Psychological stability means that a person lives in accordance with his destiny.

Otherwise, everything will constantly annoy him. He will be angry, feel inner fatigue, resentment, tension, and so on.

The presence of psychological imbalance also means that a person does not live in accordance with the laws of the universe, that is, the laws of God.

I understand that most psychologists would answer this question more "down to earth" and would start talking about "stress resistance", about "emotion control" techniques, and so on.

But this is precisely the problem of modern psychology, that it thinks in such simplified categories.

Initially, in Greece, psychology was designated as the science of the soul. "Psyche" - means "soul", "logos" - "knowledge". However, take all the books on modern psychology. Do you find references to the soul or God anywhere in them? There is no such thing.

But after fifteen years of professional psychological practice, I can confidently say that all psychological problems are fundamentally solved only at the level of the soul. Why? Because they are the result of the unrealized soul.

If a person does not realize his spiritual nature, then all lower emotions begin to attack him: anger, fear, resentment, envy, greed, uncertainty. It is like if your immune system is weakened, then you become prone to disease. And therefore, just as in the case of diseases of the body, it is necessary not only to fight a separate disease, but in general to set the task of strengthening immunity, in this case, spiritual immunity. If you solve it, you will overcome all diseases at once.

- What to do if colleagues at work treat you with disdain?

According to the laws of fate, this means that you yourself treat yourself with disdain.

In the life of a person who is insecure, does not value himself as a person, people will constantly come who will offend him, offend, put pressure on him.

Through other people, what is inside of us returns to us.

Others simply show themselves to us with their attitude.

The second reason is that the person himself treats others with disdain. If somewhere we treat someone in this way, then people will come into our lives who will also treat us.

Therefore, in order to change the situation, you need, firstly, to develop self-respect, and secondly, you need to wish the best for others. To do the first, you need to understand your own deepest values ​​and needs and strive to live in accordance with them. To achieve the second, you just need to cultivate this mood in yourself.

For example, in the mind to wish happiness to others. Try it! It is also important to do some selfless acts towards others.

If a person at every job comes across a colleague who constantly criticizes and humiliates him, how to break this chain?

Such a situation means that the person himself has humiliated someone before, and by fate this reaction returns to him. It is very important to tune in to inner repentance, to ask for forgiveness for some of your wrong deeds. One of the leading modern psychologists, Louise Hay, in her book The Power Within Us, writes that if you get sick, the first thing you need to do is find the person you offended. If you have not found such a person, then you still need to tune in to inner repentance.

If in different teams, for many years there are people who humiliate me all the time, it means that they teach me something. We need to learn and not blame others.

- What to do if subordinates do not obey the leader?

If this happens, it means that the leader does not understand the fundamental principles of leadership. There are two different concepts of leadership. The first and wrong one is the concept of power-based leadership. "I have power, I have money, I command and you must obey." If a person in leadership is guided by such external factors, people will not respect him anyway. As soon as he shows a little slack, he will be immediately pushed back. But actually leadership means authority. Leadership based on authority is the essence of the second concept of leadership. Authority has nothing to do with the position a person occupies. Authority is based on the qualities of a person's character: how decisive he is, how he knows how to set goals, how attentive to people, shows interest in their needs, how cold-blooded he is in critical situations, and so on. Explain the difference between authority and power. How to feel this edge? Let's refer to the gospel. Caesar had all the power. Jesus had no authority. But who had the greatest influence on the people? Jesus Christ still influences millions of people. Everyone forgot about Caesar. Position-based leadership is transient. Such political leaders are quickly deposed. In fact, the ability to lead is a certain subtle energy. It is given to a person when he has the appropriate qualities. Lessons from the Tale of the Goldfish - What can disrespect for parents lead to? To diseases, destruction of fate and a restless mind. Father and mother are the two main forces of our destiny - female and male energy. They are associated with the two major planets. Through my father, the influence of the Sun enters my destiny, through my mother - the Moon. The energy of the Sun is the energy of activity. It gives us such qualities as determination, purposefulness, the ability to act, to give patronage to others. If a person has a negative attitude towards his father, he breaks contact with this force. In this case, he will not be able to act energetically, take care of others, he will become either weak, spineless or despotic, aggressive towards others. The energy of the Moon is the force that harmonizes everything. If a person breaks off relations with his mother, he breaks the connection with this force. He will have worries in his mind. He will be tormented by doubts and dissatisfaction. He will be nervous, twitchy and incapable of loving anyone. - Do parents have the right to yell at children, to punish them? Shouting means loss of authority. Margaret Thatcher once said that if you have to prove your authority to others, then you do not have it. If a parent screams and hits a child, he shows his weakness. Sometimes it is worth yelling at a child to stop him, but it is very important not to fall into these emotions of hatred and irritation. One must always act from the platform of love. There is a difference in the upbringing of a boy and a girl. The boy needs to be helped to master the two main male qualities, without which he will not be formed as a person. The first is the ability to control your feelings. Basically, the father should give it to the boy. If a man cannot control his feelings, then he will not be able to follow discipline and therefore will not really achieve anything in life. Also, the inability to control feelings will lead to energy weakness on a subtle level. In the family, this will manifest itself in the fact that relatives will treat him condescendingly, not perceiving him as a leader. The second fundamental quality of the male character is concern for others. A man is someone who knows how to take care and give patronage. The girl needs to be helped to develop two basic feminine qualities. The first is fidelity or chastity. Chastity means that a girl makes a choice once in her life and does not think about anyone else. In chastity is the strength of a woman. Thanks to this power, she can influence a man. If a woman is not chaste and has different objects in her head, she will not be able to make anyone happy and she herself will not be happy. The second quality of a woman is to be satisfied. To be satisfied means not to do what that old woman from the story about the goldfish did. She, as we remember, demanded more and more and eventually destroyed the relationship with her old man. Many modern women will be indignant: if I am content with little, I will never have anything. However, if a woman knows how to accept what is given to her next to her man, then he will be inclined to give her more and more. If a woman demands, then she will destroy relations with a man. - A person cannot find a life partner for a long time, he is constantly deceived, he is disappointed. How to be? If a man cannot marry in any way, it means that he is not a man. He does not have two main male qualities. He does not know how to control his feelings and does not know how to care. Control of the senses makes it possible to be a leader. And care gives shelter and protection. A woman expects these two things from a man. If a man starts working on himself, he will be able to develop these qualities in himself and change his destiny. The same goes for the woman. She must become a woman, that is, develop the basic feminine qualities in herself. - What is your attitude to emancipation? There are women who have a very dynamic nature. If such a woman is locked up in a family, then she will not be happy. She needs to realize herself somewhere: in business, at work, in social activities. But in the family it is better for her to be a woman. If at home she strives to maintain a leadership role, then there simply will not be a family. Some time ago I read an interview with the famous singer Larisa Dolina. In it, she shared her experience: "When I come home," she says, "I try to be weak." So this is a very dynamic woman speaking, who is very active in life. That is her secret to happiness. It is universal for all women. And with a burnt face - a beauty! You often use the concept of "ecology of success" in your seminars and trainings. What does it mean? People strive to achieve success without knowing the laws of the universe. Therefore, along with success, money, career, various problems come into their lives. The personal plan is destroyed, internal dissatisfaction grows, depressions appear, and so on. The concept of "ecology of success" means that my success is achieved correctly, without violating the laws of the universe. How to attract material wealth and is it worth striving for? Now there are many psychological books that explain how to become rich. But not everyone has to be rich. There are people who naturally need to be rich. This is their way of realizing themselves in the world. For them it is necessary. But other people who start doing this will lose themselves as a person. They have a different way of realizing themselves in the world. If, contrary to their inner nature, they strive to become millionaires, they will simply become unhappy. Is it possible to develop immunity to failures by constantly resigning yourself to them? There are two reactions that do not change the problem. The first is the reaction of a loser, when a person agrees that nothing works out for him, and he must always receive "bumps". But what will change in his life if he treats his failures this way? Nothing. The second reaction is anger. Failure comes and a person begins to blame others. This doesn't change anything either. Failure can be changed only by starting to learn other qualities, educating yourself as a person. Anger - is it good or bad? Anger is the absence of reason. This is bad from the start. The problem is always within the person. Anger immediately tears a person away from this understanding. Take martial arts. If one of the fighters lost control and fell into anger, then he will lose. Anger breaks a person's relationship with life. This means that he will not receive help from life. Can fear be controlled? You can and there are different psychological techniques for this. But by and large, fear is associated with ignorance. Fear is the most common emotion in people today. What will be tomorrow? Will my daughter come home tonight? What will happen to my car? Etc. If a person knows the laws of fate, knows how they work, knows how to influence them, then fear goes away by itself. I noticed this many times in my trainings, where we analyze these topics. Fear is also associated with pride and selfishness. If a person does not know how to accept the Higher guidance, then he will constantly worry, trying to protect himself. How do you feel about people who resort to plastic surgery to look more beautiful? Beauty is not an external, but an internal concept. People don't understand this. I recall the example of one Latin American woman. She is a very famous psychologist, hosts TV and radio programs and gathers large audiences. She teaches women the art of being beautiful. But the most interesting thing is that she herself suffered a fire and her face is disfigured by scars. The journalists made a survey among the participants of her seminars. People were asked the question: "Is the workshop leader beautiful?" Almost everyone answered that the host is a very beautiful woman. This example shows us that beauty comes from charm, from the qualities of character. Take a woman who has perfect facial features, but at the same time, she has greed, prudence, anger. When you begin to communicate with her, what will you say: is she beautiful or not? - I'll say that she's beautiful, but... - ...but her beauty can't make anyone happy! She wants to leave. And she herself is unhappy, because she has such an inner world. Why such beauty? Why wealth, fame and beauty, which destroy a person as a person and make him unhappy? This is a very serious delusion of women when they think that in order to start a family, you need to win the heart of a man with some external attributes. But a man in a woman with whom he wants to start a family is attracted primarily by the qualities of character. Because it is with them that he will live. In the East there is an ancient art of how a woman can be attractive to a man. There is such art in the West too. But these are two completely different approaches. Western women attract men due to external parameters: due to cosmetics, a slit on a dress, a bust. A Western woman is very attractive in appearance. But a month passes and she is no longer interesting to a man. Because there is nothing inside. In the East, a woman can attract a man all her life, because she has certain qualities of character and knows how to use them correctly. Holy TV? - What is destiny? This cannot be answered very briefly. In the most general case, fate is the lessons that I must learn in this life. - Can you change your destiny? Depending on who ... Of course, fate is not a punishment. Fate is a lesson. She teaches me. And if I study, then the negative events that surrounded me begin to disappear. Fate is given to be changed. - Is it possible to change the fate of the person you sympathize with? There is such a thing as mixing karma. When two people come into contact with each other, they exchange karma. If the karma of one person was clean, and the other had a problematic one, then positive karma will affect the karma of the second person, and it will be easier for him to live. This happens, for example, when people get married. The fates of both of them begin to change. There is a merging of karma. The very contact with another person already affects him. If you are purer than him, then just by communicating with him, you will help him. But the greatest help you can give another is when you give him knowledge. As long as a person does not have knowledge, he will inevitably commit actions that will lead to the emergence of more and more problems. You can't change anyone's life by force. The person himself must make this choice. Through knowledge he can do it right. - How do you feel about ads like "I will clear karma"? It is possible to clear karma. There are different methods for this. However, if the healer knows all kinds of techniques that he received from his grandparents, but at the same time he has dirty habits, dirty qualities of character, it is better to stay away from him. He will give his client exactly this. A healer's prayer can help a lot. Especially if he himself is clean and has a strong faith in God. Such people can be trusted. And it is important to bear in mind one more circumstance. I'll give you an example. If your bathroom faucet is leaky, then the bath will gradually begin to fill up. A person may come and say, "Let me clean your bath." You say: "Yes, of course!" The man takes a bucket and begins to scoop out water. Your bathroom is empty again. It is a fact. But the reason has not been fixed. And after a while the bath will be full again. Therefore, at the level of extrasensory "pumping" no purification actually occurs. The reason for a person's failures is always within him. The problems that come into his life are his lessons. Until he changes as a person, the negative reality will attract again and again. - How does the law of karma affect a person? The most general understanding is that the world we live in is a teaching class. Here everything that I do myself comes back to me. Unfortunately, people today do not understand this most fundamental law of life. A woman steals her husband from her friend. But then another woman appears and destroys her family. Maybe it will happen in this life, or maybe in the next. But it will definitely happen. Everything I do comes back to me. People today live very willfully. Their actions accumulate terrible consequences. And then when everything comes back into their lives, they ask, "Where did this come from? Who's to blame? I'm so good, how did God let this happen?" - Should a person turn for help to higher powers, to God? Not what it should. This may be his choice. If a person lives without feeling that there is some higher power that helps him, then he will never be able to find peace within himself. In one ancient mantra, which begins with the words "Om purnam", it is explained that harmony comes from a higher whole. According to this knowledge, which the sages left us, the secret of inner harmony is very simple. If a person is connected with God, he will have a holistic inner world. If he lives, trusting only himself, he will never have complete inner satisfaction. - If something is determined by fate, will God help? The laws of karma are Divine laws. The suffering and problems that come into a person's life are reactions to the violation of these laws. If a person begins to learn the lessons of fate, then the situation changes. If I work correctly with my destiny, then by doing so I accept the will of God and His help. Interviewed by Denis Kazantsev. photo TC "Efir"