Self-control is a basic human skill. Ability to control oneself in communication

Who knows how to subdue his anger,
He is like a wise man who won his battle without starting it...

From my own experience, I came to a clear understanding of what it means to “own yourself”, and how important it is to maintain inner peace of mind in any life situation. Personal experience has convinced me of the wisdom of making decisions from a state of peace and quiet. And moreover, such decisions always turned out to be the most correct and effective, because, at such moments, I relied on feelings, and not on emotions.

"Peace, first of all, should be inside you. Peace and harmony ..."

The scent of new life

When I began to comprehend this art, my life began to seriously change and, of course, only for the better. I began to look differently at myself and at the world that surrounds me, it has become completely different ... unbelievable. But is it? What has become different? Me or the world? What changed? When I asked myself the question: “What is actually happening”? The answer came from the depths of the Soul… I myself have changed… and only I…

My inner transformation was reflected in everything, it was a look from the inside, a look of a person in love with life. This is comparable to the fact that the most beautiful flower in the world has blossomed in me, and its delicate aroma emanated on everything that surrounded me. The most delicate smell filled the world with completely different colors, as if I took a brush and began to paint a bright, happy and love-filled picture ... a picture of my new life.

But in order to achieve such inspiration to create my own life in a state of love and joy, I needed to take control of my thoughts and learn to control myself in any situation, but for this I had to become an observer. observer of his own life.

Every day I tried to observe myself, what I do, how I speak and think. I practically did not realize my life as a whole, only some torn parts that divided it into many different events and dates. They existed either in the past or in the future and were completely devoid of the present moment "Here and Now".

In observing myself, what struck me most was that I paid a lot of attention to negative thoughts that aroused corresponding emotions in me. As personal experience shows, one comes out of the other, and if you clearly control your thoughts, you can drastically change your life and skillfully control yourself in any situation.

In this article, we will try to understand this in more detail. In order to master the special art of "Self-mastery", for a start it is worth understanding what thought is in general and how it comes to us.

All the most interesting...

I will cite many quotes or excerpts from the books of Anastasia Novykh, which helped me at one time not only to realize the power of my thoughts, but also to be convinced from my own experience of their strong impact on the world around me. At this point in my life, I continue to form the habit of shifting my attention from a negative thought to a positive one by an effort of will, which undoubtedly helps me to be the master of my life. So let's get started...

What is a thought?

“Thought is an information wave. Its information is encoded at a certain frequency, which is perceived by our material brain, or rather, its in-depth structures. And when a person thinks something bad in your direction, then naturally, it all catches your brain at the subconscious level. And when deciphering this code, the brain begins to model this negative situation in you, which then, as an unconscious order of the subconscious, comes to life.

“- Quite right. Thought is real power. Much more than one can imagine. Thought is capable of moving planets, creating and destroying entire galaxies, which was originally proven by God himself.”

“After all, the thought is not visible. It cannot be weighed or touched, but it exists, since it has appeared in our minds. Thought has volume (at least informational). It is fleeting in its existence, because it is quickly replaced by other thoughts. Thought has no mass, but can have colossal consequences in the material world. Basically, it's Nothing.

(From A. Novykh's book "AllatRa")

“Have you ever thought about the infinity of your consciousness? About what is thought? How is she born, where does she go? Have you thought about your thoughts?
- Well, - Andrey hesitated, - I constantly think, think about something.
- It seems to you that it is you who think, it is you who thinks. Are you sure these are your thoughts?
- And whose else? The body is mine, so the thoughts are mine.
- And you follow them, if they are yours, at least one day. Where do they come from and where do they go. You rummage thoroughly in your thoughts, what will you see there, except for shit? Nothing. One violence, one nastiness, one care to get drunk, put on a fashionable rag, steal, earn money, buy, exalt one's megalomania. And that's it! You will see for yourself that the thoughts generated by your body end up with one thing - material support around you. But are you like that inside yourself? Look into your soul... and you will encounter the beautiful eternal, your true Self. After all, all this external fuss around is seconds ... Do you realize this?

(From the book by A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

I will also cite as an example the statements about the thought of the scientific director of the Institute of the Brain, academician, world-famous neurophysiologist Natalia P. Bekhtereva, who has deeply studied the work of the brain for many years.

It's a riddle

Natalya Petrovna, did you manage to "catch" the thought with the help of equipment? Many hopes were pinned on the positron emission tomograph at the disposal of the Institute of the Human Brain ...
Thought - alas, no. Tomograph not inThere is nothing to confirm or deny here. Other methods and devices are needed, they have not yet been developed. Today we can judge the state of the active points of the brain. In the brain, during special tests, certain areas are activated ...
“So thought is still material?”
- What is the idea here? We can say that in these areas there is active work - for example, creative work. But in order to “see” a thought, one must at least extract from the brain information about the dynamics of the impulse activity of neurons and decipher them. So far, this is not feasible. Yes, certain areas of the brain are related to creativity. But what exactly is going on there? It's a mystery.

“- Quite right. This suggests that we are not used to controlling our thoughts in everyday life. Therefore, they guide us as they want, entangling us in their "logical" chains. And an uncontrolled thought basically leads to a negative one, since it is controlled by the animal nature in a person. Therefore, there are various spiritual practices, meditations in order to learn, first of all, to control thought.”

“- I would say, with healthy thoughts - a healthy mind, and with a healthy mind - a healthy body.
- Tell me, but you all the time emphasize the importance of thinking correctly, both in physical training and now, - Andrey noted. - But for some reason I used to think that you always just need to act correctly. And thoughts can be different when choosing an action: both good and bad.
“That’s where you’re wasting precious time fighting with yourself. You should not have a choice between a bad and a good thought. Because there should be no negative thought in your head at all. The meaning of the highest Art, the Art of the Lotus, is to learn how to think correctly, that is, “kill the Dragon in yourself”, “defeat the Dragon”. Have you heard such an expression?
- Yes.
- That's the whole point. The greatest victory is the victory over yourself. What does this mean? It means conquering your negative thoughts, learning to control them, learning to control your emotions. I repeat once again, there should not be anything negative in your head. Only a positive factor! Then you will not have to waste time fighting with yourself and your actions will always be positive. The world, first of all, should be inside you. Peace and harmony.
- So, it turns out that in any act of a person his thought is reflected? - Thinking about something of his own, Andrey asked.
- She is not only reflected, she directs his action. After all, thought is material.”

(From the book by A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

Work on yourself

"How often do you feel good? In a great mood? In high spirits? How often do you say to yourself: "Everything is fine, everything is fine, everything will work out for sure." How often do you try to control thoughts? It's like a snowball - one thought clings for another, and now we are already falling down with a nervous breakdown. The materialization of our bad thought has already occurred. We need to be able to control ourselves. It is a colossal job to win a victory over ourselves every day, to control the energy of thought. When people really change their attitude to the past and present, no one without blaming, then the present and the future of themselves, as well as their children, really change! The key to creating a desirable future is in our today's thoughts, feelings, beliefs."

(From the article “Proof of scientists that thought is material”)

“When a person does not control his thoughts, everyone is to blame for his troubles and insults, he condemns everyone, is dissatisfied with many things, teaches everyone, not following his own teachings in life, and so on. But when a person begins to take care of himself, he pays attention not to external, but to his own internal reasons, why in this way and not otherwise, he perceives and reacts to the world around him. A person begins to understand why he succumbs to these external provocations and how to divert attention from his multiple egocentric desires, resentments, and aggression of the Animal nature.”

(From A. Novykh's book "AllatRa")

“This is a good result. It is difficult to catch the thought of your animal nature, and even more so to fight it. With this category of thoughts, in principle, it is impossible to fight. Because violence breeds violence. And the more you try to kill her, the more they will manifest themselves in you. The best way to protect against them is to switch to positive thoughts. That is, the principle of aikido, gentle care, works here.
- And if they chase me all day. What, I can't cut off some strong word? Ruslan asked.
- No matter how you "chop off", all the same, negative thoughts will be pumped up according to the law of action - counteraction, action - reaction. Therefore, you should not fight them, but move away from them, artificially develop a positive thought in yourself, that is, focus on something good or remember something good. Only in this way of gentle withdrawal can you conquer your negative thought.
- And why thoughts are absolutely opposite to each other? I also sometimes get confused in my thoughts.
- Let's just say that in the human body there is a spiritual principle, or soul, and a material principle, or animal, bestial, whatever you want to call it. The human mind is the battlefield of these two principles. Therefore, you have different thoughts.
- And who then is "I", if the thoughts of others.
- Not someone else's, but yours. And you are the one who listens to them. And whoever you prefer is who you will be. If to the material, bestial beginning you will be evil and harmful, and if to the advice of the soul - you will be a good person, it will be pleasant for people to be with you. The choice will always be yours: either you are a despot or a saint.
- And why did it happen that my admiration for the taming of my anger led ... to pride or something, the growth of megalomania. After all, she seemed to have done a good deed, but the thought skidded in the other direction? I asked.
- You turned to the soul - your wish came true. I weakened control over myself - you were pulled over by the animal nature, and imperceptibly for you, by your favorite egoistic thoughts. You liked that you are praised from all sides, that you are so smart, so reasonable, and so on ... There is a constant war of two principles in you for you. And on which side you will be, your future depends.
I thought about it for a bit, and then clarified:
- That is, that “tricky” who reminded me of pain and prevented me from concentrating, the one who megalomaniac ...
- Quite right.
- So there are a whole bunch of these thoughts!
“Yes,” Sensei confirmed. “They are legion, so it is impossible to fight them. This is not kung fu for you, this is much more serious. You can fight with those who resist. But it's pointless to fight the vacuum. For a vacuum of negative thoughts, you can create only the same vacuum of positive thoughts. That is, again, I repeat, switch to the good, think about the good. But always be alert, listen to what your brain is thinking. Watch yourself. Pay attention to the fact that you are not tense, but thoughts are constantly swarming in you. And not just one thought. There may be two, three, or even more of them at once.
- It's like in Christianity they say that a devil sits on a person's shoulder on the left side, and an angel on the right. And they constantly whisper, - Volodya noticed.
“Quite right,” Sensei confirmed. - Only for some reason the devil whispers louder, he probably has a rougher voice ... What is called in Christianity the devil or the devil, this is a manifestation of our animal nature.
- When I discovered this division of thoughts in myself, I thought that maybe I had schizophrenia. There, after all, something is also connected with the splitting of consciousness, - my person said, finally emboldened.
Sensei smiled and jokingly replied:
- There is no genius without signs of madness.
Nikolai Andreevich laughed:
- Yes Yes Yes. By the way, I see something similar with myself.
Here Stas entered the conversation, thinking aloud about his own:
- Well, if the mind is a battlefield of two principles and, as I understand it, their weapons are thoughts, then how can you tell who is who? How is the spiritual and animal nature manifested in thoughts? What's this?
- The spiritual principle is the thoughts generated by the power of Love, in the broadest sense of the word. And the animal principle is thoughts about the body, our instincts, reflexes, megalomania, desires, completely absorbed by material interests, and so on.”

(From the books of A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

“- Remember: everything is in you! When you change inside, the world around you will also change. Material problems are a temporary phenomenon, a kind of test for you... You can't imagine how material your thought is and how it uses the power of your attention. If you give preference to your bad thoughts - kakodemona, then, excuse me, it's your own fault that your "hemorrhoids" have passed into the chronic stage. And if you gave preference to good thoughts, that is, daily stimulated your center of positive thoughts of the agathodemon, you would be amazed at your internal changes and how the world is changing around you, as if God himself turned his eyes on you and came to your aid . These are indescribable inner sensations of the Presence. When you are in great Love for everything around you, when you give this Love to God, your soul, which is His particle, wakes up. And when the soul wakes up, you will change first of all. And if you change, it means that a completely different reality will open up, opportunities will open up that you never dreamed of ...

This conversation, which had involuntarily silenced the entire company, ended as abruptly as it had begun. When Sensei finished speaking, there was silence, broken only by the crackle of burning coals. Everyone sat in silence, immersed in the mysterious world of their thoughts. The flame of the fire was extinguished, leaving a reminder of its former existence in the reddish cracks of the coals heated by it, and even those, gradually cooling down, went out, turning into a pile of ashes.

Practice "Lotus Flower"

This spiritual practice is called Lotus Flower. Its meaning is as follows. A person imagines, as if planting a grain inside himself, in the region of the solar plexus. And this little seed in him sprouts due to the power of Love, formed by his positive thoughts. Thus, a person, controlling the cultivation of this flower, artificially gets rid of negative thoughts that are constantly spinning in his head.

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Managing oneself, one's psycho-emotional state is truly a whole science, which is mastered by 1 in 10,000 people. After all, even those who govern a huge state do not always adequately control themselves.

It is the ability to manage oneself that determines: BUT) The state in which a person lives is joy, peace, pleasure or constant, negative and AT) The effectiveness of all his decisions and actions. Obviously, in a state of negativity and stress, nothing good can be built.

What is Self Management?

Self management:

its internal state: thoughts, emotions, qualities, abilities, problems (internal energy).
with their outward appearances(): speech, gestures, manners (behavior, etc.).

This also includes the ability of a person to take on different states and the corresponding life roles: superior, performer, equal, friend, husband, warrior, diplomat, teacher, student, creator, etc.

Self Control Formula - (control of external manifestations) + (control of internal manifestations) + Taking the necessary states and roles (skill and freedom).

The essence of self-management. Human condition- determines the degree of his happiness, the effectiveness of all his actions, influence on others and on his own destiny. The state is half of all the prizes that a person receives in his life (what he feels inside - peace and joy or pain and suffering).

Ideally, the state should be strong, invulnerable, positive and bright (joy, clear conscience, etc.). Such a state must be formed by working on oneself, teaching management, self-control, self-control.

Components of the ideal state and the basics of self-management

1. Calmness and relaxation - the ability to extinguish, turn off problems rebellious in the subconscious, remove emotional clamps and physical stress. See more:

2. Strength and confidence - the inner core, the basis of all positive and successful roles (warrior, leader, diplomat, successful person), gives invulnerability, the ability to act effectively and protect oneself. Read and work on:

3. Goodwill and contentment - this is joy in the heart and inner light, the kindness of the human soul. Indoor light also needs to be controlled. In one word it can be called positive.

Separately, it is necessary to develop the skill of self-management.

The main problems that depress the state and self-management

when there are no internal efforts at all to manage one's state, extinguish negative emotions, etc.
indifference when a person does not care in what state he lives and does things. This leads to weak and negative results in fate.

These problems are removed by the formation of motivation, understanding the meaning of self-management and training (constant efforts).

Stages of self-management learning

Stage 1. Teaching external self-control and extinguishing negativity.

At this stage, you need to master the control of your external manifestations and learn how to start behaving outwardly with dignity: do not lash out at others, control your speech, behavior, facial expressions, learn to keep internal problems in check so that they do not get out of control and do not destroy your a life.

That is, at this stage, everything inside you can boil and boil, but outwardly you are able to behave quite decently, even so that no one notices that you have a storm inside.

Read more -

Stage 2. Teaching self-control.

Self-control is the ability to cope with one's internal problems so that they do not interfere with a person here and now. for example, you were offended, rose, but you are able to drive it into a cage, like a wild beast, so that it does not affect your state, communication, behavior at the current time. That is, you did not remove the insult completely, but you turned it off, deprived it of strength and power so that it would not spoil your life. And later, when the time comes for this, you are able to completely remove this resentment, expel it from your soul (read separately -). This applies to any problem - fear, anger, anger, hatred, irritation, envy, etc. Self-control implies that you do not give the problems a single drop of power over you and keep them all in a tight grip.

Self-control involves the ability to manage your internal state and, at a minimum, achieve a state of peace so that problems sit in cages and do not tear you apart from the inside.

Stage 3. Achievement of freedom and mastery of reincarnation - the achievement of power over oneself.

When a person has learned to extinguish and turn off his problems, relieve tension, induce a state of peace and relaxation, then you can learn to induce all kinds of strong and high states and take on the appropriate roles. Learn to transform. This is when you can be different, the way you need it in any particular situation.

When you need to protect yourself and your loved ones, you are a fearless warrior.
When you are alone with your beloved, you are a loving and gentle husband.
When you make a deal, you are a businessman, a diplomat.
When on stage, you are a strong speaker and actor.
Etc.

The third stage gives a person the joy of freedom and power - when there are no internal restrictions, no unsolvable problems, no negative emotions that destroy the state of happiness, but there is strength and the ability to be anyone, and most importantly, there is the opportunity to live in a state of happiness.

"Courage, hard work, self-control

and intellectual effort is the foundation

for a successful life".

Theodore Roosevelt

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear about self-control? Perhaps the image of a warrior who owns a martial art - calm, focused and in control of himself and his life. Or you can imagine a person who plans his life, has self-discipline and achieves his goals. Be that as it may, you will be right in any case - this is a wonderful skill and everyone should learn it.

Think about which of the above virtues you constantly display. Do you feel in control and confident in your future? Are you able to manage your emotions? Most likely your answer will be - you can do all this, but only sometimes. If so, take four important steps to help you develop self-mastery.

What does it mean to be in control of yourself?

If you know how to control yourself, this means that you have the ability to control yourself in any situation and consciously move towards your goals. You are clearly aware of them, have self-discipline and are maximally concentrated. It also means managing your emotions, thoughts, impulses and actions that you direct in the right direction.

Think of people you know who don't know how to control themselves. Most likely they are impulsive and reckless. They draw erroneous conclusions, lose their temper, yell at other people and are completely incapable of being patient. They are unpredictable and do not inspire confidence.

Goals

The development of self-control begins with. Think of people who have high self-discipline. There is a huge chance that they are clearly aware of their merits, have the right goals and direct all actions towards their achievement.

Set short and long term goals for yourself. For the first you will need motivation, for the second it is discipline. Remember that they should be clear and easy to measure, and every correct step raises your self and kills you.

Attitude and emotions

Dealing with negative situations and managing emotions are critical skills for self-control. If you often lose your temper, you do not control your own mood and make a lot of mistakes both in work and in relationships with others.

Focus every day on something positive. Numerous unpleasant events are possible in your life, but they should not affect your psyche and your decisions. Be for what you already have. Almost every person has the ability to exaggerate, so change your attitude to what is happening, to what you cannot change. Even if you do not like your work, do not even think about it at home or when you are relaxing.

Avoid self-sabotage because it undermines your confidence and prevents you from reaching your goals. If you notice this behavior, change the direction of your thoughts. Think of something positive and inspiring.

Describe on a piece of paper the situations that led to negative and destructive thoughts. Next, write down the emotions that you experienced at the same time, and also list your automatic reactions. It is automatic reactions that are the problem for most people. They instantly react to criticism with anger, and to conflict with apathy.

Develop emotional intelligence. Be always aware, determine what emotions you are experiencing at the moment, give them a clear definition. If you are angry, don't deny it and acknowledge that you are angry. Watch the reactions of other people - so you can notice the first signs of conflict and immediately extinguish it.

Strength of will

Remember how many times you set yourself ambitious goals like learning English and did not finish what you started. You lacked willpower and self-control. We always quit what we started when our mood deteriorates, we are upset about something and do not get what we want.

Willpower is extremely important for self-control, because it pushes us forward and motivates us to act even when we are scared or upset. Willpower is born in us when we see the big picture and understand that we need to make a lot of effort in order to achieve a big goal in a year. Usually people focus on the details and forget about the long term benefits.

Willpower usually comes in bursts and consumes huge amounts of energy. But once it becomes a habit, you will be able to take on the most difficult tasks without experiencing any emotional difficulties. Make sure your rational and emotional motives are in order. Help and development in itself. In the first weeks, it will be difficult for you, but after a month you will feel that you hardly spend any effort in order to complete the next task.

Concentration

Nothing pulls us back and makes us look like Sisyphus more than constant distractions. In addition, this leads to distracted attention and the fact that a person cannot concentrate for more than ten minutes. He reads a book and wants to sleep, does work and gets bored. And here senseless distractions come to the rescue, which entertain him and lead him away from the goal.

How much time do you spend on unnecessary distractions per day?
How much time do you spend surfing the internet that doesn't change your life?
How much time do you spend on breaks? Taking rest is healthy and correct, but if you are distracted every five minutes, this affects the results in a negative way.
What could you achieve for this day if you made the most of the previous five?

Concentrate on your tasks for one hour several times a day. Give yourself a little rest if you work one hour without distractions. After a while, you will be able to concentrate for longer periods and will be surprised to notice how much easier it is for you to get the job done and delve into the essence of the matter.

We wish you good luck!

L people who are able to cope with changes in their emotional state are usually happier. They are calm about what is happening and try to improve their own lives. It is not necessary to think that emotions cannot be controlled, since these abilities depend only on the presence of certain skills and habits. It is only necessary to have the desire to develop your capabilities in order to learn how to cope with yourself.

Try not to jump to conclusions in any situation. Before making a decision, it is always worth analyzing what is happening. Trying to react quickly to a problem may well be ill-considered and misguided. To learn how to manage yourself, develop the habit of taking deep breaths and counting to ten. This will help you focus on your thoughts and not on your surroundings.

After a short pause, the desire to express your reaction to what is happening may remain. In this situation, you will have to throw out your emotions so that they do not put pressure on you. In addition, anger after a deep breath can quickly disappear, and then no special measures should be taken. The feeling of anger is quite destructive, but it does not have such serious grounds as hatred. Anger manifests itself instantly and can go away just as quickly if you try to put your thoughts in order. Managing spontaneously arising emotions requires the development of the ability to control oneself.

It is very important to pay attention to the moments when you start to panic. Panic covers a person in many situations that do not pose a danger to him. A person can deal with their problems much faster if they simply stop panicking and start solving the problems at hand in order of their priority.

To cope with panic, remembering certain information that allows you to solve your problem will help. If you're panicking every time you miss your train or plane, keep a list of essential travel essentials in mind. Panic can be overcome when at least some of the actions are brought to automatism.

The reaction to what is happening should be adequate to the environment around you. During a business meeting, you do not need to show your emotionality, as this is not what is expected of you at all. Once on any holiday, it would be more correct to relax and communicate with people, and not become isolated in your thoughts.

Don't let your mood change drastically, as this will only push other people away from you. A quick change from a good mood to hysteria or aggression can harm you personally. Usually adults control their behavior, as they already have sufficient life experience and are responsible for their actions.

Remember that being depressed or aggressive will not change your life for the better. As a rule, success can be achieved by people who know how to overcome small troubles and are able to control themselves.

Every day we are faced with troubles that are necessary to cope with for our own well-being. Negative emotions and well-being that everyone can experience, losing control over the situation and themselves, can lead to sad consequences.

In order not to test yourself for strength and not be in danger, it is important to be able to pull yourself together and control the circumstances. This will help you avoid many problems and vicissitudes of Fate. To change your attitude and behavior, use the suggested recommendations.

Don't focus on failure

Remember that life goes on as usual and often brings rather unpleasant emotions. However, this state of affairs is not at all a reason for the blues. Learn to perceive what happened more calmly, without driving yourself into depression and worsening your own well-being. Failure is an occasion to reconsider your actions, relax and unwind before correcting inaccuracies and oversights. Negative emotions that accompany you in case of erroneous actions require adjustment, perseverance in achieving your goals and objectives.

Don't get discouraged

Dissatisfaction with one's own life, joyless everyday life and daily boredom from monotonous and routine actions can weaken a person. Try to find the reason for your despondency in order to change for the better. Do not forget that life is diverse, and after a dark stripe, a bright one will always come. In order to avoid such a state, find something to your liking, get out into nature, find a source of inspiration in yourself or in the space around you. Allow yourself small pleasures as a reward for the routine, and your mood will improve rapidly.

Remain calm in conflict situations

Arguments, raised voices, shouting and irritation are not the best helpers in resolving disputes. Learn to deal with your own emotions and remember that cold confidence and calmness (even if only external) quickly cool down the aggression and pressure of your interlocutor. Having calmed your discontent and guided by the arguments of reason, you will be able to defend your innocence without worsening your well-being and mood with unnecessary worries. If the opponent is not able to listen to your words, end the conversation. So you avoid internal tension and overwork.

Do not respond to aggressive attacks

Remaining calm in the event that you are called into conflict is important for emotional and physical health. If you are faced with such a situation, gather yourself internally and try to disengage from the aggressor. Count slowly, evening out your breath and focusing on your own sensations. Often your icy calm quickly cools the ardor of the offender, who is unable to lead you to reciprocal emotions. Do exercises to control emotions with the help of breathing exercises.