Educated people respect the human personality, and therefore are always indulgent, gentle, polite, and compliant. They don't riot over a hammer or a missing

Extract from a letter (March 1886, Moscow) from a Russian writer (1869-1904) to his brother Nikolai Chekhov (artist), in which Anton Chekhov explains what a well-mannered person is. At that time, Nikolai Chekhov behaved badly, and his brother Anton tried to reason with him:

"Educated people, in my opinion, must satisfy the following conditions:

1) They respect the human personality, and therefore are always condescending, gentle, polite, compliant ... They do not rebel because of a hammer or a missing rubber band; living with someone, they do not do this a favor, and when they leave, they do not say: it is impossible to live with you! They forgive noise, and cold, and overcooked meat, and sharpness, and the presence of strangers in their homes ...

2) They are compassionate not only to beggars and cats. They are sick of the soul and from what you can’t see with the naked eye. So, for example, if Peter knows that his father and mother are turning gray from longing and do not sleep at night, due to the fact that they rarely see Peter (and if they see him, then drunk), then he will rush to them and spit on vodka. They don't sleep at night to help the Polezhaevs, to pay for their student brothers, to dress their mother...

3) They respect other people's property, and therefore pay debts.

4) They are sincere and fear lies like fire. They do not lie even in trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They do not show off, they keep themselves on the street as well as at home, they do not throw dust in the eyes of the lesser brethren ... They are not talkative and do not climb with frankness when they are not asked ... Out of respect for other people's ears, they are more often silent.

5) They do not humble themselves for the purpose of arousing sympathy in another. They do not play on the strings of other people's souls, so that in response they sigh and coddle with them. They don't say, "They don't understand me!" or: "I exchanged for a small coin! I would<...>!!.", because all this has a cheap effect, it's vulgar, old, false ...

6) They are not vain. They are not interested in such false diamonds as acquaintances with celebrities, the handshake of a drunken Plevako, the delight of a stranger in Salon "e, fame for porters ... They laugh at the phrase: "I am a representative of the press !!", which suits only the Rodzevichs and Levenbergs. Doing for a penny, they do not rush about with their folder for a hundred rubles and do not boast that they were allowed to go where others were not allowed ... True talents always sit in the dark, in the crowd, away from the exhibition ... Even Krylov said, that an empty barrel is more audible than a full one ...

7) If they have talent in themselves, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him... They are proud of their talent. So, they do not get drunk with the guards of the petty-bourgeois school and with the guests of Skvortsov, realizing that they are called not to live with them, but to influence them educatively. Plus, they're sleazy...

8) They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They cannot sleep in their clothes, see cracks in the wall with bugs, breathe bad air, walk on the spat on the floor, eat from a kerosene stove. They try to tame and ennoble the sexual instinct as much as possible ... Sleep with a woman, breathe into her mouth<...>endure its logic, do not deviate from it even a step - and all this because of what! Those brought up in this respect are not so kitchen. What they need from a woman is not a bed, not horse sweat,<...>not the mind, expressed in the ability to cheat with a fake pregnancy and lie tirelessly ... They, especially artists, need freshness, grace, humanity, the ability to be not<...>, but as a mother ... They do not crack vodka in a casual way, they do not sniff cupboards, because they know that they are not pigs. They drink only when they are free, on occasion ... For they need mens sana in corpore sano (a healthy mind in a healthy body (lat.).).

And so on. Such are the educated... In order to be educated and not to stand below the level of the environment into which one has fallen, it is not enough to read only Pickwick and memorize the monologue from Faust. It is not enough to take a cab and go to Yakimanka in order to get away from there in a week ...

Here you need uninterrupted day and night work, eternal reading, study, will ... Every hour is precious here ...

Trips to Yakimanka and back won't help. You must boldly spit and rush sharply ... Come to us, break a decanter of vodka and lie down to read ... at least Turgenev, which you have not read ...

<...>pride must be abandoned, because you are not small ... 30 years soon! It's time!

I'm waiting... We're all waiting...

"Educated people respect the human personality, and therefore are always indulgent, gentle, polite, compliant." Anton Chekhov “I am very sensitive to the rules of etiquette. How to pass a plate. Do not shout from one room to another. Do not open a closed door without knocking. Let the lady go ahead. The purpose of all these countless simple rules is to make life better. We cannot live in a state of chronic war with our parents - this is stupid. I am careful about my manners. It's not some kind of abstraction. It is a language of mutual respect that everyone understands.” Jack Nicholson "Good manners is the ability to look down on others as equals." Leonid Sukhorukov "Good manners are the best defense against bad manners of those around us." Philip Chesterfield "Good parenting is when others feel good." Vladimir Nemirovich-Danchenko "Good manners consist of small self-sacrifices." Ralph Emerson "The ability to carry on a conversation is a talent." Stendhal "Etiquette is just that character trait that makes a person attractive." Georgy Alexandrov Kind people have a hygge soul. The main thing in communicating with loved ones is spiritual intimacy. When there is a person next to you who you really like, you feel it with every fiber of your soul. And feel warmth for each other. It is difficult for you to convey this feeling of mutual sympathy, but the first word that comes to mind will be precisely “spiritual”. So is there a soul? Scientists have been looking for an answer to this question for a long time. “We have been in close contact with people who have experienced clinical death,” said Dr. Sam Parnia from Southampton Central Hospital (UK) on the leading scientific TV channel. “For a while, their brains didn’t function at all. And they received irrefutable evidence that human consciousness does not depend on the activity of the brain. And he continues to live when all the processes in him have already stopped. As the scientist assures, he and his colleague Peter Fenwick from the London Institute of Psychiatry studied the case histories and personally interviewed 63 temporarily deceased cardiac patients. Of these, 56 people returned from the other world, remembering nothing about their stay there. They lost consciousness and woke up in a hospital bed. However, seven retained distinct memories of what they experienced during the period of clinical death. Four claimed that they were seized with a sense of peace and joy, time ran faster, the feeling of their body disappeared. Then a bright light appeared. A little later, mythical creatures appeared that looked like angels or saints. All respondents believed that they were in another world, and then returned to reality. But a completely different thing became a sensation in the studies of British scientists. After scrupulously studying the medical records of the revived, the doctors delivered a verdict: the traditional idea of the termination of the brain due to oxygen deficiency is wrong. None of those who had been in a state of clinical death had a significant decrease in the content of life-giving gas in the tissues of the central nervous system. But hallucinations, as a rule, they try to explain solely by oxygen starvation. “Our patients experienced their amazing states at a time when the brain could no longer function and therefore was not able to reproduce any memories,” the doctor said. – I think that human consciousness is not a function of the brain. And if this is so, then consciousness may well continue to exist after the physical death of the body. “When we examine the brain,” Dr. Fenwick supports his colleague, “we clearly see that the cells of the gray matter do not differ in principle from the rest of the cells of the body in their structure. They also produce protein and other chemicals. But they cannot create the subjective thoughts and images that we define as human consciousness. In my opinion, - the scientist continues, - we need our brain only as a receiver-transducer. It works like a kind of "live TV": first, it perceives the waves that fall into it, and then converts them into an image and sound, which form integral pictures. INVISIBLE ON THE SCALES Back in 1915, the American physician MacDougall tried to determine the weight of "that unknown thing called the soul." He wanted to "catch" the fluctuation in the weight of a person near death. And it turned out that when the vital activity of the human brain stopped, the body became lighter by 22.4 grams. It turns out that this is the weight of the soul, the scientist decided. Already in our time, at the beginning of the 21st century, Doctor of Natural Sciences Eugenius Kugys from the Institute of Semiconductors of the Lithuanian Academy of Sciences again returned to the old experiments, using more accurate measuring instruments in the experiments. And he found that at the time of death a person loses from 2.5 to 6.5 grams. But where is this abstract matter, which has weight, placed? According to a modern scientist, a psychiatrist at the Sinai Hospital in Detroit, Paul Pearcell, the human soul is located in the heart. He made such a conclusion by examining about two hundred patients who had a strange heart transplanted. He published the results in his acclaimed book The Code of the Heart. “Proof that it is in the cells of the heart that the personality is programmed, that it is the “fiery motor” that controls the activity of the brain, and not vice versa, are transplant operations, when “cellular memory” passes from the dead to the living,” Dr. Pearcell explains. Maybe the scientist is right. It is not for nothing that we speak of a soulless person as a heartless one. “All my life I have studied the living human brain,” wrote the well-known academician of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, neurophysiologist Natalya Bekhtereva. – The general conclusion of our materials is that a certain percentage of people continue to exist in a different form, in the form of something separating from the body, which I would not like to give another definition than “soul”. Indeed, there is something in the body that can separate from it and even outlive the person himself.

“An inexplicable thing is the soul. No one knows where it is, but everyone knows how it hurts.” Anton Chekhov "Man is arranged in such a way that when something kindles his Soul, everything becomes possible." Jean de La Fontaine "The soul, unlike the mind, does not think or reason - it feels and knows, therefore it does not make mistakes." Vadim Zeland "If at least one flowering branch remains in your soul, a singing bird will always sit on it." Oriental wisdom "If a soul reaches out to someone, do not resist ... She is the only one who knows exactly what we need." Erich Maria Remarque “Soulmates speak in silence. Strangers, even uttering words, are silent. Thien Dhuyen “Only he who retains the ability to become face to face with his own soul at any moment, without being separated from it by any prejudice, by any habit, is only able to follow the path of self-improvement and lead others along it.” Konstantin Ushinsky "A hard-working soul should always be busy with its craft, and frequent exercises for it are as invigorating as ordinary exercises for the body." Alexander Suvorov "The brain functions well only when the soul is calm." Janusz Wisniewski "What is called the soul, the heart, does not have a clear outline, but is a much more tangible symbol of human relations." Kobo Abe #hygge

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More than 100 years ago, the Russian classic wrote a letter to his brother, a talented artist, but weak-willed and suffering from unrestrained drunkenness.

Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, knowing the weaknesses of his brother, always worried about him, was upset because of his brother's disregard for his gift. He came out with an emotional, frank letter, which we certainly need to read.

The great classic of our literature is able to teach us more than he had time to teach in his books.

MOSCOW, 1886.

You often complained to me that you were “not understood!”. Even Goethe and Newton did not complain about this... They understand you very well... If you do not understand yourself, then it is not the fault of others...

I assure you that, as a brother and a person close to you, I understand you and sympathize with you with all my heart ... I know all your good qualities like the back of my hand, I appreciate them and treat them with the deepest respect. If you want, I can even list these qualities as proof that I understand you. In my opinion, you are kind to the point of rags, generous, not an egoist, sharing your last penny, sincere; you are alien to envy and hatred, simple-hearted, pitying people and animals, not malicious, unforgiving, trusting... You are gifted from above with what others do not have: you have a talent. This talent puts you above millions of people, because on earth there is one artist for only 2,000,000...

Talent puts you in an isolated position: if you were a toad or a tarantula, then you would be respected, because everything is forgiven to talent. You have only one drawback. It contains your false soil, and your grief, and your catarrh of the intestines. This is your extreme bad manners. Excuse me, please, but veritas magis amicitiae... The fact is that life has its own conditions... In order to feel at ease in an intelligent environment, in order not to be a stranger among it and not be burdened by it yourself, you need to be educated in a certain way ... Talent brought you to this environment, you belong to it, but ... you are drawn to it, and you have to balance between the cultural public and the residents vis-a-vis. The middle-class flesh, grown on rods, at the Rhine cellar, on handouts, affects. Defeating her is difficult, terribly difficult.

Anton Pavlovich Chekhov and his brother Nikolai

Educated people, in my opinion, must satisfy the following conditions:

2) They are compassionate not only to beggars and cats. They are sick of the soul and from what you can’t see with the naked eye ...

3) They respect other people's property, and therefore pay their debts.

4) They are sincere and fear lies like fire. They do not lie even in trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They do not show off, they behave in the street just as they do at home, they do not throw dust in the eyes of the lesser brethren ... They are not talkative and do not climb with frankness when they are not asked ... Out of respect for other people's ears, they are often silent.

5) They do not humble themselves in order to arouse sympathy and help in another. They do not play on the strings of other people's souls, so that in response they sigh and coddle with them. They don't say they don't understand me!

6) They are not busy. They are not interested in such false diamonds as acquaintance with celebrities, the delight of the passer at the Salon, fame for porter ...

7) If they have talent in themselves, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him...

8) They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They cannot sleep in their clothes, see cracks in the wall with bugs, breathe bad air, walk on the spat on the floor, eat from a kerosene stove. They try as much as possible to tame and ennoble the sexual instinct... [...] The educated are not so culinary in this respect. What they need from a woman is not a bed, not horse sweat, [...] not a mind expressed in the ability to cheat with a fake pregnancy and lie tirelessly... They, especially artists, need freshness, grace, humanity [...].. They don't sip vodka, they don't sniff cupboards, because they know they're not pigs. They drink only when they are free, on occasion... For they need mens sana in corpore sano.

Etc. Such are the educated... In order to educate and not stand below the level of the environment in which he fell, it is not enough to read only Pickwick and memorize a monologue from Faust. It is not enough to take a cab and go to Yakimanka in order to get away from there in a week ...

Here you need uninterrupted day and night work, eternal reading, study, will ... Every hour is precious here ... Trips to Yakimanka and back will not help. You must boldly spit and rush sharply ... Come to us, break a decanter of vodka and lie down to read ... at least Turgenev, which you have not read ... "

I wrote 130 years ago to my brother, the artist Nikolai, who caused a lot of trouble to his loved ones. Alarmed by his dissolute life and frequent drunken sprees, he found the right words that should be read by anyone who considers (or wants to consider) himself a well-mannered person.

…You often complained to me that you were “not understood!!” Even Goethe and Newton did not complain about this ... Only Christ complained, but he did not speak about his “I”, but about his teachings ... They understand you perfectly ... If you do not understand yourself, then this is not the fault of others ...

Your talent puts you above millions of people, because on earth there is only one artist for 2,000,000 ... Talent puts you in an isolated position: if you were a toad or a tarantula, then you would be respected, because everything is forgiven to talent.

You have only one drawback. It contains both your false ground and your grief. This is your extreme bad manners. I'm sorry, but veritas magis amicitiae...(truth is above friendship). The fact is that life has its own conditions… To feel at ease in an intelligent environment, not to be a stranger among it and not to be burdened by it yourself, you need to be educated in a certain way….

Educated people, in my opinion, must satisfy the following conditions:

They respect the human personality, and therefore are always condescending, gentle, polite, compliant ... They do not rebel because of a hammer or a missing rubber band; living with someone, they do not do this a favor, and when they leave, they do not say: it is impossible to live with you! They forgive noise, and cold, and overcooked meat, and sharpness, and the presence of strangers in their homes ...
They are compassionate not only to beggars and cats. They are sick of the soul and from what you can’t see with the naked eye.
They respect other people's property, and therefore pay their debts.
They are sincere and afraid of lies, like fire. They do not lie even in trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They do not show off, they behave in the street just as they do at home, they do not throw dust in the eyes of the smaller brethren ... They are not talkative and do not climb with frankness when they are not asked ... Out of respect for other people's ears, they are often silent.
They do not humble themselves in order to arouse sympathy in another. They do not play on the strings of other people's souls, so that in response they sigh and coddle with them. They don't say, "They don't understand me!" or: “I exchanged for small coins! I […]!..”, because all this has a cheap effect, it’s vulgar, old, false…
They are not busy. They are not interested in such fake diamonds as dating celebrities.
If they have talent in themselves, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him... They are proud of their talent.
They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They cannot sleep in their clothes, see cracks in the wall with bugs, breathe bad air, walk on the spat on the floor, eat from a kerosene stove. They try as much as possible to tame and ennoble the sexual instinct… […] The educated are not so culinary in this respect. What they need from a woman is not a bed, not horse sweat, […] not the mind, expressed in the ability to inflate with a fake pregnancy and lie tirelessly... They, especially artists, need freshness, grace, humanity [...]... They do not crack vodka like, not sniff closets, for they know they are not pigs. They drink only when they are free, on occasion... For they need mens sana in corpore sano.

... Such are the educated ... In order to educate and not stand below the level of the environment in which he fell, it is not enough to read only Pickwick and memorize a monologue from Faust ...

Anton Chekhov's brother, Nikolai Pavlovich, once promised to become a prominent Russian artist. Chekhov madly appreciated his talent, but he lamented because of his attitude to life, to his gift. “A good, strong Russian talent dies, it dies for nothing,” he said. In 1886, in one of his letters to his brother, he compiled a list of 8 qualities of a well-mannered person that will be useful to everyone.

MOSCOW, 1886.

You often complained to me that you were “not understood!”. Even Goethe and Newton did not complain about this ... Only Christ complained, but he did not speak about his “I”, but about his teachings ... They understand you perfectly ... If you don’t understand yourself, then it’s not your fault others...

Educated people, in my opinion, must satisfy the following conditions:

2) They are compassionate not only to beggars and cats. They are sick of the soul and from what you can’t see with the naked eye ...

3) They respect other people's property, and therefore pay debts.

5) They do not destroy themselves in order to arouse sympathy and help in another. They do not play on the strings of other people's souls, so that in response they sigh and coddle with them. They don't say they don't understand me!

6) They are not vain. They are not interested in such false diamonds as acquaintance with celebrities, the delight of the passer at the Salon, fame for porter ...

7) If they have talent in themselves, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him...

8) They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They cannot sleep in their clothes, see cracks in the wall with bugs, breathe bad air, walk on the spat on the floor, eat from a kerosene stove. They try as much as possible to tame and ennoble the sexual instinct... [...] The educated are not so culinary in this respect. What they need from a woman is not a bed, not horse sweat, [...] not a mind expressed in the ability to cheat with a fake pregnancy and lie tirelessly... They, especially artists, need freshness, grace, humanity [...].. They don't sip vodka, they don't sniff cupboards, because they know they're not pigs. They drink only when they are free, on occasion... For they need mens sana in corpore sano.