Harmful funny advice about studying at school. Don't forget to take a pipe to school, and, of course, a whistle

Harmful advice to schoolchildren who study on planet Earth is not at all necessary to follow. In fact, they should never be followed. Maybe there are some magical planets where everything is the opposite, so these tips will come in handy there. Although it is doubtful. What advice on the school topic is still not worth taking into account? But these, in the verses below ...

How not to behave in the lessons of mathematics, Russian language, drawing, physical education, singing? Bad advice will tell us about it...

The summer has flown by
You will go to school soon
Scatter things in a briefcase -
Find everything quickly!

Don't forget to take a pipe to school
And of course the whistle
At the lesson, change
Shut up, bro.

Fox and wolf faces
Put it on the textbook
It will be very cool -
Glory can be gained.

At a fun break
Walk on your head -
And then for the behavior
You will get deuce two.

Bite your rubber bands
Pens and pencils.
Miracle pencil cases are clean
Keep only kids!

Those good notebooks
Which are completely crumpled.
Is there a leader board at the school?
Draw horns there for everyone.

Mathematics, you know
She is the queen of all sciences,
But one day I saw
Like a spider crawling in the corner

About the task and examples
I immediately forgot
For such a monster
I made a house out of chewing gum.

Have fun in class
learn jokes,
It's a pity they don't give in Russian
Strong, fragrant tea.

And on music, my friend,
Ku-ka-re-ku sing,
If the phone beeped,
Then you sing along to him.

At the drawing lesson
Paint the walls with oil
Draw a school desk with gouache,
And show your neighbor.

At the technology lesson
Cut the fabric with scissors
Only the teacher will say something -
Sit down and eat a bun.

Chop more around
Don't clean up after yourself
Little ones are beautiful
A real bread heaven!

And the teacher on the chair
Apply the strongest glue
The teacher can't get up.
At least go for an abortion.

And in the dining room two supplements
Swallow in one sitting
Then everyone will say about you:
"The student eats so much!"

Convert all letters
Don't forget in English
Write the letter "i" without a dot,
It'll get over somehow.

In gym class,
Break the rope immediately
I assure you: every student,
Will certainly be happy.

Leo Tolstoy and Sladkov
Don't forget to confuse
Better at Literature
Quietly, quietly blow the tune.

If students are called
On Saturday, clean up,
It's better to do nothing
And wave your hands.

On duty since morning
From the heart you are rude
And then it's a good day
secured ahead.

Do homework -
That's what you forget about
Your teacher will manage
No checks whatsoever.

Don't work in class
Twos, threes - nonsense.
What the teacher explains
You never listen.

Have fun in class
And walk on your head.
You become very popular
They will talk about you everywhere.

Bad advice

School and children… There are a lot of rules, Young assistant director of the school

So that the school does not interfere with our lives. And a consultant in individual subjects, You always remember these rules: I will be with you almost until July

They are as essential as food and water. Nice to meet you - Julia Trusova

We will not write new covenants,

We will find answers to questions about the school in this way.

To live in peace

We must be friends with humor ...

Therefore I propose"Bad Advice".

Tip 1

When you are going to study, you are not in a hurry,

Look what is on the Internet, or films for the soul.

And then without even a shift, without notebooks and a pencil case

You run to the school, where the bell is already ringing.

And do not be afraid of the appearance of scary marks in the diary -
After all, without them, the lesson will be much less remembered by everyone.

Tip 2

If you are very tired of solving equations,

Throw away all the chalk in the classroom, whatever you can find

Tip 3

Tip 4

If your desk mate is too busy learning
And does not want to agree to play anything with you,

Urgently poke a pen into it, push a leaf towards it,

Where already, it is clear for sure, he will see a naval battle.

Tip 5

Everyone knows that a textbook is too boring for children.
Decorate its pages - let it be alive!
Paint the horns on Blok, and Akhmatova - glasses ...

Gogol will look more cheerfully into his red pupils.

Well, the book! brother will say. - I am very happy for the children!

Tip 6

Very bored in class? Do you yawn too often?

Entertain everyone with loud barking or the buzzing of a bee.

Or bring a mouse, or a duck, a frog.

Put it in your girlfriend's briefcase and sit quietly and wait.

Having found the living creatures in the bag, the girl will scream loudly.

Everyone will come running, stand in a circle, will gasp and squeal.

Well, you sit at your desk, fill in your diary.

Be confident and calm, praise is quite worthy.

You are the best in this class, you are an exemplary student.

Tip 7

And at the end of the unbearable lesson
Bad advice from Mayakovsky:
How to close the circuit - everyone knows
But only the best closes with a finger.
Do not listen to the teacher - be not like everyone else
Charge the iPad by connecting it to the nostril.

Student! heed the call and get ready:
Try everything on the tooth and do not be afraid of a single gram.
And maybe at some point - all of a sudden -
Write the law... With a spare pair of hands.

There is a secret in every playful advice.

Maybe you know him, maybe you don't.

But, having carefully considered the advice,

Can you find the correct answer:

How dangerous it can be sometimes

If you are not friends with your head!

Grigory Oster

BAD ADVICE 1, 2, 3, 4

Bad advice 1

A book for naughty children and their parents

Recently, scientists discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: "Wash in the morning" - they take and do not wash. They are told: "Hello to each other" - they immediately begin not to say hello. Scientists came up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do the opposite, and it will turn out just right.

This book is for naughty children.

lost child

Must remember that it

Take you home as soon as

He will give his address.

Gotta act smarter

Say: "I live

Near a palm tree with a monkey

On distant islands.

lost child,

If he's not stupid

Don't miss the right opportunity

Visit different countries.

Hands never anywhere

Don't touch anything.

Don't get mixed up in anything

And don't go anywhere.

Step aside silently

Stand humble in a corner

And stand quietly, without moving,

Until your old age.

Who did not jump from the window

Together with my mother's umbrella,

That dashing skydiver

Doesn't count yet.

Don't fly like a bird

Above the excited crowd

Don't put him in the hospital

With a bandaged leg.

If the whole family swim

You went to the river

Don't interfere with mom and dad

Sunbathing on the beach.

Don't make a cry

Let adults rest.

without touching anyone,

Try to drown.

There is no more pleasant occupation

What to pick in the nose.

Everyone is terribly interested

What is hidden inside.

Who hates to look

Let him not look.

We do not climb into his nose,

Let him not come.

If your mother caught you

For what you love,

For example, for drawing

In the hallway on the wallpaper

Explain to her what it is

Your surprise for March 8th.

The painting is called:

"Dear mommy portrait."

Don't take someone else's

Strangers are looking at you.

Let them close their eyes

Or they'll go out for a while.

And why be afraid of your own!

They won't talk about their own.

Let them look. Grab someone else's

And take him to yours.

Never stupid questions

Don't ask yourself

And not even more stupid

You will find the answer to them.

If stupid questions

Appeared in my head

Ask them immediately to adults.

Let them brainstorm.

visit often

Theater buffet.

There are cream cakes

Bubble water.

Like firewood on plates

Chocolates are lying

And through the tube

Drink a milkshake.

Don't ask for tickets

To the balcony and to the stalls,

Let them give you tickets

To the theater cafeteria.

Leaving the theater

Take it with you

Under a trembling heart

In the stomach, a sandwich.

Born a girl - be patient

Footboards and kicks.

And substitute pigtails for everyone,

Who pull them is not averse.

But sometime later

Show them the cookie

And you say: "Figures, for you

I won't get married!"

If you and your friends are together

Have fun in the yard

And in the morning they put on you

Your new coat

It's not worth crawling in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb the fences

hanging on nails.

So as not to spoil and not to dirty

Your new coat

We need to make it old.

This is done like this:

Get right into the puddle

Roll on the ground

And a little on the fence

Hang on nails.

Will be old very soon

Your new coat

Now you can calmly

Have fun in the yard.

You can safely crawl in puddles

And roll on the ground

And climb the fences

hanging on nails.

If you're down the hall

Ride your bike

And towards you from the bathroom

Dad went out for a walk

Don't turn into the kitchen

The kitchen has a solid refrigerator.

Brake better in dad.

Dad is soft. He will forgive.

If you are forever rallied,

Illuminated and lead

Don't try to dodge

From movement to celebration.

All the same, it will raise to work

And inspire to a feat

you great and mighty,

And our stronghold.

The main business of your life

Can become any trifle.

You just have to firmly believe

There is nothing more important.

And then it won't hurt

You are neither cold nor hot,

Breathless with delight

Deal with bullshit.

Beat the frogs with sticks.

It is very interesting.

Tear off the wings of the flies

Let them run on foot.

Train daily

And a happy day will come -

you to some kingdom

Accepted as the chief executioner.

Girls should never

Nowhere to notice.

And don't let them pass

Nowhere and never.

They need to put their feet up

Frighten from around the corner

So that they immediately understand:

You don't care about them.

I met a girl - quickly to her

Show your tongue.

Let her not think

That you are in love with her.

Starting a fight with dad

Starting a fight with mom

Try to surrender to your mother

The Pope takes no prisoners.

By the way, ask your mom

Didn't she forget?

Prisoners beat with a belt on the pope

Banned by the Red Cross.

If you are the whole world of violence

Gonna destroy

And at the same time you dream of becoming

Everything without being anything

Feel free to follow us

On the paved road

We are this way for you

We may even give up.

Don't settle for anything

With no one and never

And those who agree with you

Call cowardly.

For this, everyone will start you

Love and respect.

And everywhere you will have

Full of friends.

If there are cockroaches in the kitchen

Marching on the table

And satisfied with the mice

On the floor training battle

So it's time for you

Stop fighting for peace

And throw all your strength

To fight for purity.

If you are going to a friend

On the first day of autumn, on the day of knowledge, when schoolchildren sit down at their desks, how can one not remember the feeling when one is not just being taught, but taught... It is probably no coincidence that Grigory Oster, one of the authors of the President of Russia website for citizens of school age (http: //www.uznay-prezidenta.ru/), wrote and published a collection "Bad advice. A book for naughty children and their parents", beginning it with these words:

“Recently, scientists have discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: "Wash in the morning" - they take and do not wash. They are told: "Hello to each other" - they immediately begin not to say hello. Scientists came up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do the opposite, and it will turn out just right.”

* * * If you're down the hall Ride your bike And towards you from the bathroom Dad went out for a walk Don't turn into the kitchen There is a solid refrigerator in the kitchen. Brake better in dad. Dad is soft. He will forgive.
	* * * If your mother caught you For what you love, For example, for drawing In the hallway on the wallpaper Explain to her what it is Your surprise for the eighth of March, The painting is called: Cute mommy portrait.
* * * There is no more pleasant occupation What to pick in the nose Everyone is terribly interested What is hidden inside. Who hates to look Let him not look. We do not climb into his nose, Let him not come.
	* * * Born a girl - be patient Footboards and kicks. And substitute pigtails for everyone, Who pull them is not averse. But sometime later Show them the cookie And you say: "Figures, for you I won't get married!"
* * * Starting a fight with dad Starting a fight with mom Try to surrender to your mother The Pope takes no prisoners. By the way, ask your mom Didn't she forget? Prisoners beat with a belt on the pope Banned by the Red Cross.
	* * * If you came to the Christmas tree, Claim your gift immediately Yes, look, no candy Santa Claus did not heal. And don't be careless Bring home leftovers How dad and mom will jump - Half will be taken.
* * * Don't be upset if Call mom to school Or dad. Do not be shy, Bring the whole family. Let uncles, aunts come And third cousins. If you have a dog Bring her too.
	* * * If you walked in a hat, And then she disappeared Don't worry mom is home You can lie about something. But try to lie beautifully So that, looking admiringly, Hold your breath, mom I listened to lies for a long time. But if you lied About the lost hat What is her in an unequal battle Took your spy away Try to mom Didn't go to get angry to foreign intelligence, They don't understand it there.
* * * Try less mom Get in the eye - You never know what she Tomorrow will come to mind. That will make you eat potatoes, That will start combing Can suddenly sneak up behind And send for milk. Or jump out of the kitchen And sends you to wash your hands... No, it's better with this mom Never meet.
	* * * If a friend's birthday invited you to my place, You leave a gift at home - Useful for yourself. Try to sit next to the cake. Don't get into conversations. you while talking Eat half as much sweets. Choose smaller pieces To swallow faster. Do not grab the salad with your hands - You can scoop up more with a spoon. If they suddenly give nuts, Rash them carefully in your pocket, But do not hide the jam there - It will be difficult to take out.
* * * If you are in your pocket Didn't find a penny Look in your neighbor's pocket Obviously the money is there.
	* * * Take thick cherry juice And my mother's white coat. Lei gently juice on the cloak - Get a stain. Now, so that there is no stain On my mother's coat The cloak must be put entirely In thick cherry juice. Take mother's cherry cloak And a mug of milk. Pour milk gently - A stain will appear. Now, so that there is no stain On my mother's coat The cloak must be put entirely In a bowl of milk. Take thick cherry juice And my mother's white coat. Lay carefully...
* * * If you stayed at home Alone without parents I can offer you An interesting game. Under the name "brave chef" Or "brave cook". The essence of the game in preparation All kinds of delicious food. I suggest to start Here is such a simple recipe: Need in daddy's shoes Pour out mother's perfume And then these shoes Apply shaving cream And pour them with fish oil With black ink in half, Throw in the soup that mama Prepared in the morning. And cook with the lid closed Roughly seventy minutes. What will you find out When the adults arrive.
	* * * Hands never anywhere Don't touch anything Don't get mixed up in anything And don't go anywhere. Step aside silently Stand humble in a corner. And stand quietly, without moving, Until your old age.
* * * If you broke a window Do not rush to confess. Wait - won't it start Suddenly civil war. Artillery will strike Glass will fly out everywhere And no one will scold For a broken window.
	* * * Never wash your hands Neck, ears and face. This is a stupid business Doesn't lead to anything. Hands get dirty again Neck, ears and face. So why waste energy Time to waste. Shaving is also useless It doesn't make any sense: To old age by itself Bald head.
* * * If it's chasing you Too many people Ask them in detail What are they upset about. Try to comfort them Give everyone advice But reduce the speed Absolutely nothing.
	* * * lost child Must remember that it Take you home as soon as He will name his address. Gotta act smarter Say: "I live Near a palm tree with a monkey On distant islands. Lost child If he's not stupid Don't miss the right opportunity Visit different countries.
* * * If you are on the phone Called a fool And did not wait for an answer Hung up the phone with the lever, Dial quickly From any random numbers And whoever picks up the phone Let me know: I'm an idiot.

I don’t know how anyone, but I liked the advice, as well as the situations that the author tells about ...

I think that some of the poems from this book should not be read to children, even in the Year of Literature, they are only for parents!

I want to congratulate on the First of September, first of all, all the parents who have been preparing for this day all summer! Summer ended even where the weather gave reason to doubt that it was! There are many discoveries ahead that our students and students will present to us! Parents, there is only one thing left - to be ready for anything! Parents of schoolchildren and students, be ready to understand and help your children! With the start of the new school year!