Are the goals of different people always the same? Personality

The world is full of similar people who are not connected by blood ties. How is it possible that two people born and raised in different parts of the world look like two drops of water? Is there a clear scientific explanation for this phenomenon?

People who are similar to each other and are not relatives - is this possible? It turns out yes. A French photographer once had a wonderful idea. He found and captured on film similar people who were not connected by any blood ties. His name is Francois Brunelle. It took him about twelve years to realize his idea. The photographer tracked people with terribly similar features around the world and helped them find their doppelgangers. Some photos of similar people from the work of Francois Brunelle are presented in this article. Carefully study the proposed images and compare how many similarities have completely strangers who have no blood relationship.

Every person in this world has 7 twins

It is said that every person in this world has at least seven very similar people. One can easily agree that this assumption is rather frightening and unnatural. It is hardly possible to find two exact copies on our planet, identical as two drops of water. Even blood twins have traits that, at least a little, but make it possible for others to distinguish them, not to mention a stranger who lives on the other side of the Earth.

Not the same, but, nevertheless, incredibly similar people still occur, and not as rare as it might seem. They live in different cities, countries, continents, lead a completely different way of life. They do not have common genes, they differ in language and culture, but their similarity really cannot be denied.

Same looks, same personality?

We all know that there are similar people. Is this purely a superficial resemblance? Can a person and his counterpart from another country have the same character traits and activities? It would be strange and surprising at the same time. In fact, it happens in different ways. For example, there once lived in Rome one emperor named Maximinus (beginning of the 4th century AD), and so, looking at his bust, you can see in his features the familiar dictator from the 20th century, Adolf Hitler. These similar people not only had the same facial features, but both were dictators in their time, and both perished ingloriously.

It is quite difficult to answer this question, modern science does not have exact answers, there are only guesses. One of the most likely versions is the one that explains the external similarity of complete strangers with an identical genetic device. For a reason that has not been clarified to date, similar people have the same DNA to the smallest detail.

These twins are also called biogenic. This means that they have the same genetic material, but their biological parents are different. It happens that people can be similar and live in different places at the same time and be the same age. Some can be separated by years, centuries and even whole millennia. Natural diversity, it turns out, is not unlimited, there are billions of people in the world, and there is always a chance of a random coincidence of genetic sets.

secret relationship

Scientists consider it quite possible that similar people are very, very distant relatives. Having resorted to elementary mathematical analysis, we can make the following calculations: the average citizen after eight generations will be a descendant of 256 relatives who, one way or another, are related by blood ties. If we imagine that 40, 50 or more generations have passed, relatives will be in the millions. And no one knows where the genetic material will match, on which generation.

In card jargon, genes are shuffled like cards in a deck, but at a certain point, the same “hands” fall out with a minimum probability. Then twins are born into the world, people similar to each other, like two drops of water. Perhaps nature has its own plans in this regard, its secret goals.

Search for doubles in the network

Today, there are many sites on the World Wide Web with which you can find an exact copy of yourself among the stars of show business, great emperors and historically significant leaders from a photograph. They are also looking for their doubles among the most ordinary people of their different cities and states. just upload your photo in a certain format, and after a while, search engines will be able to pick up a couple of twins for you, or, at least, people who will be very similar to you.

Such sites are quite popular, because it is actually interesting to know, and even more so to see your double. It's like meeting yourself in a parallel world. Before the advent of the Internet, this was almost impossible to do, but now there are many opportunities for active search, and why not take advantage of them?

Miracles, and only

Twins are a phenomenon that is interesting in itself. People are more or less accustomed to the similarity of blood twins and granddaughters and their great-grandmothers, but to meet a person who is exactly like another person who is not a relative of him, and even lives thousands of kilometers away, this is already more interesting.

Who knows, maybe in the future scientists will figure out how to use this quirk of nature. It is likely that the similarity of genomes can open up incredible prospects in such a field of medicine as transplantology. As biologists assure, the chance of an exact match of genetic sets tends to zero indefinitely. However, partial copying of genes is quite normal, which proves that all of humanity is one big family.

March 29, 2017, 18:01

I read an interesting article by Natalia Radulova: “I look at you like in a mirror.”

In it, she says that people often fall in love with those who look like them in appearance, i.e. they have the same shape of chin, nose, eyelids, lips, etc. Of course, adjusted for gender differences. Many couples look like brother and sister. With age, people can gain weight, get wrinkles, but the main features remain the same, so they are comfortable with each other. In this article, I give an abbreviated retelling of that article and comments to it, after which my thoughts on this matter and some additional photos.

“Recently, an experiment was conducted in one of the bourgeois universities: the subjects were shown photographs of different people and were asked to choose the prettiest one. Among all these photographs there was a picture of the subject himself, but remade - a woman was turned into a man with the help of light computer graphics, and vice versa. Well, let's say, a girl was given a bit of masculinity, an Adam's apple there, a beard, features were made heavier. But in general, the face, the peculiarity of its structure did not change. And guess which picture the participants in the experiment chose? Who did the person call the most beautiful? Naturally, yourself. Camouflaged, but himself.
“In 2009, scientists from the University of St. Andrews conducted a study and found that women tend to choose men who look like themselves. A similar conclusion was also made by scientists from the University of Liverpool in 2006.

Moreover, the same is observed in couples with a significant difference in partners in age:

“And dogs do not become like their owners over time. They are initially similar. The owner chooses. Best friends or companions can be of different heights, weights and ages, but most likely there will be something in common in their faces. Because we are comfortable with those who seem to be our second "I" at least outwardly. - I don’t quite agree with this, the main thing for a pet is a character that really adapts to the owners over time (and they to it).

“And New Yorker writer Christina Bloom even launched a dating site for people looking for a partner who looks like themselves. In an interview with QMI Agency, the author of the idea said that she decided to open such a site after she divorced her husband and fell in love with a man who turned out to be like her. Bloom admitted that at first she did not notice that she and her new chosen one were similar. However, then friends increasingly began to point out to her the resemblance to her lover. After that, she became interested in the question of the dependence of happiness in her personal life on the external similarity of partners and began to look for couples consisting of similar people.

Here are the people who met on her site

I must say, some of the couples shown are not very similar, apparently, not everyone is chosen by visual signs. And some are similar, but have already parted: “A similar appearance irresistibly attracts. But if people have different areas of interest, different principles and goals, then sooner or later this will start to cause quarrels. This is how people fall in love because of the same shape of eyebrows, nose and chin, and then spend years in a meaningless relationship from which they cannot get out.

I must say, this is curious and if it is confirmed, it will be many consequences:
- theories of the origin of peoples : different types of appearance were divided,
- theory of finding partners similar to parents : earlier, parents picked up a couple for their children, and sometimes at a very early age and quite successfully, now it’s clear how - on their own,
- there are theories that facial features correlate with personality traits , which means that parental traits are a familiar character to which he adapted as a child,
- importance of similarity not just for genetic reasons : there are many beautiful people in the world, everyone is beautiful in their own way, therefore it is difficult to prefer one to the other and there is always a chance that there is a better one, at the same time, “one’s own” image for a person is special, this is the starting point for all comparisons, and he will not get bored even if you look at it daily,
- theory, Why is cosmetics popular? : bright lipstick and long mascara eyelashes become a subconscious signal that the woman is alone, because. if she has a partner, then she will prefer to choose more modest cosmetics in order to become visually similar to him; about the same applies to rare hair colors, such as blond, tk. men rarely dye their hair; teenagers may have the opposite if they simultaneously change something in their appearance (unusual hairstyle, clothes) to show that they are a couple,
- similar theories of auditory and kinesthetic assimilation of spouses to each other: for example, if the husband speaks loudly and the wife quietly, then over time he will speak quieter, and she louder, so that approximately the same volume level is obtained,
- in most cases this is unconsciously , which suggests that a reasonable person, in fact, sometimes does not trust his mind in the most important things.

Possible reasons:
above:
- a person is accustomed to and likes his own appearance, so people like him;
- a person likes his parents, therefore likes people who look like them;
- people eventually adapt to each other, adopt habits, facial expressions, etc.;
as well as:
- role in education: children imitate their parents in behavior, appearance, and so on. If parents are very different, then children will have to choose which of them to imitate. Then there are two options: either the children will be divided into two camps - “paternal” and “maternal” - and most likely they will begin to compete with childish maximalism, which will undermine the family and contribute to its disintegration; or they will take part of the traits from the father, part from the mother, which will help the search for a common image and help strengthen the family. The similarity of the parents is therefore important, because reduces the risk of family breakup for the above reason, and also provides greater emotional comfort, since children will look like both, but everyone will feel that they are exactly like him;
- inheritance of information: people inherit not only genetic information, and not only "national" - language, traditions, laws and customs - but also "family", which can be, in addition to some kind of tribal traditions, also features of behavior, facial expressions , lifestyle, etc. The similarity of parents allows conflict-free transmission of this information to offspring.

We are looking for a partner who is similar to the person we would like to become ourselves.

He (she) attracts us because it corresponds to our idea of one of the parents or, on the contrary, differs sharply from it.

Why do we meet millions of people and love only one?

Why did Marina and Ilya, having worked together for three years, look at each other with new eyes only now? What pushes Elena into the arms of Mikhail, when, it would seem, there are so many factors that separate them: age, education, and social status?

Is it a coincidence? Of course not. Even if each acquaintance seems to us the result of a chain of unforeseen coincidences, in our souls there is always a certain set of criteria that we cannot consciously formulate, but which nonetheless determine our choice.

According to the French psychologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, every person is like a hermit crab: our personality is sentenced to eternal seclusion in a shell, and the only chance to get out of it is to trust a loved one ... to reinvent each other.

“And we are still collective beings,” adds psychoanalyst Lola Komarova, “we have a biological need for contact.”

We meet someone we already know

You don’t need to be a sociologist to state that our chances of meeting you are significantly increased if we study at the same faculty, work in the same company, live in the same area, go to the same fitness club… But this does not mean at all that we only get to know people our circle. Love is a more subtle matter.

We only meet those who already exist in our subconscious

Sigmund Freud was the first to express the idea that we only meet those who already exist in our subconscious. “Finding an object of love ultimately means finding it again” - this is how the law of mutual attraction of different people can be formulated. Marcel Proust means the same thing when he says that first we draw a person in our imagination and only then we meet him in real life.

“A partner attracts us because his image has been living inside us since childhood,” explains psychoanalyst Tatyana Alavidze, “consequently, a handsome prince or princess is a person whom we have been waiting for and “knew” for a long time.”

Get away from loneliness

The emotional connection with the mother leaves an indelible mark on our soul, and therefore, in adulthood, we invariably strive to repeat our early experiences.

“For a small child, a relationship with a mother is equivalent to life,” says Lola Komarova. - No other relationship will ever be as meaningful. The childish irrational fear of being alone entails a need for close connection with another that accompanies us all our lives. Such a fantasy may also arise: if I remain small, helpless, the other will not leave me.

That is why 23-year-old Julia chose Boris: “I love to taste the dishes that he lovingly prepares for me. I can see that he really cares about me, and only in his arms do I feel really protected.

Sometimes it seems to us that we have known someone for a long time, whom we fell in love with only recently. “As if they had always known each other!” - lovers are surprised.

“We have a desire to be understood, and this is also connected with the relationship between the child and the mother,” explains Lola Komarova. - The life of a baby depends on whether the mother feels his desires well, whether she understands him without words. And if we didn’t have this in childhood, we will strive even more strongly to find a person who will understand us.” If our parents did not give us warmth and affection, we can become emotionally dependent on our partner.

“I can’t leave Igor: who will love me then? I'm scared to be alone,” says 30-year-old Nina.

“The lack of love in this case becomes a “hook” from which it is very difficult to get rid of,” comments existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. - Very often, the relationship of such people is practically “blind”, they can be defined by the words: “I need your love so much that I don’t want to think about whether you need mine.”

Dance together

We crave attention, tenderness, passion ... But the question is: are we really ready to accept all this wealth?

“Proximity scares many of us,” explains client-centered psychotherapist Marina Khazanova. “Genuine relationships are really risky: we open up to another person, but the coincidence with him may not happen, and this will hurt.”

This is why so often we avoid deep relationships. But is it possible to love, to give, if you do not allow yourself to enjoy receiving?

“Truly adult, mature love relationships are like dancing together,” says the therapist. - Partners move together, to the beat of common music, but at the same time they have the opportunity to change places, step aside or take a step forward. The love that you give and receive only expands the boundaries as a result of this alternation.

Many people in their declining years ask themselves: “Have I managed to fall in love? Have I been able to convey the power of my feelings to my life partner? Could he rejoice in his feeling? Throughout our lives, we learn to give and receive, so that as a result we can say to ourselves: “How wonderful it is to feel love!” In both senses of the phrase.

The one who completes me

Today we put too many hopes into relationships, we want them to be flawless, ideal. Perhaps that is why we are looking for a partner who looks like a person who has everything that we would wish for ourselves. We are looking for a mirror that reflects a positive image of ourselves.

This is what 28-year-old Veronica felt when she met Alexander: “He was beautiful: rich, confident, always cheerful. He had everything that I lacked so much, and most importantly, he had a family, a father and mother, which I could only dream of in my orphanage childhood. I thought: since such a wonderful person loves me, then I really am worth something.

“To search for a partner who would complement us, there may be a rational reason,” says Lola Komarova, “but it may also be that a person does not want to recognize some of his qualities and seems to “transfer” them to another.

For example, subconsciously considering herself stupid and naive, a woman will find a partner who will embody wisdom and the ability to make adult decisions for her - and thus make him responsible for herself, so helpless and defenseless.

Subconsciously believing herself to be stupid and naive, a woman will find a partner who will embody wisdom for her.

We can “pass on” to another those qualities that we don’t like in ourselves - in this case, a partner constantly becomes a person who is weaker than us, who has the same problems as us, but in a more pronounced form.

In psychoanalysis, this tactic is called "exchange of dissociations" - it allows us to ignore our own shortcomings, while the partner becomes the bearer of all those properties that we do not like in ourselves. For example, to hide her own fear of action, a woman may fall in love only with weak, depressed men.

“To see another in another is a great psychological achievement,” says Lola Komarova. “Sometimes we choose a partner because he plays for us the role of some part of us, not necessarily positive, often on the contrary, unpleasant and rejected.”

To see another in another is a great psychological achievement.

For example, I do not like my own laziness and slovenliness, and it turns out that my loved one has exactly these qualities. Thus, I get the inner right to say that he is lazy, but I don’t have this problem.

Treat like with like

At the heart of the association of people is often the principle of similarity, sometimes complete. It is to him that the narcissistic personality aspires, choosing a partner who is similar to her not only internally, but also externally, and sometimes even with the same name.

“A narcissistic person wants his partner to talk about the same thing with him, to experience the same feelings,” says Jungian psychologist Stanislav Raevsky, “but, on the other hand, he wants to be constantly praised and recognized for his unusualness. When two such people begin to live together, mutual demands and envy eventually destroy their relationship.

In The Family and How to Survive It, English psychiatrist and psychotherapist Robin Skinner argues that people are often united by common complexes. “People attract each other by what they have “in the window,” comments Stanislav Raevsky. - But in fact, the main thing is that "behind the screen."

A person can say: “I love funny people, but I can’t stand boring ones!” - and chooses a girl who has endless fun. And deep down, both have anxiety or total emptiness, and they have fun all the time to hide it.

People with similar complexes group together, thus feeding their own problems and cultivating them in each other. You look around - everyone is the same, which means that everything is in order with me!

And until a person is aware of the game he is playing, he will play out the scenario of the same relationship.

Search for Oedipus

From the point of view of classical psychoanalysis, in a mature relationship, the partner correlates with the images of our parents - either with a plus sign or a minus sign. He attracts us so much because, with his qualities, he resembles or, conversely, denies the images of a father or mother.

“In psychoanalysis, this choice is called the “search for Oedipus,” says Tatyana Alavidze. - Moreover, even if we consciously try to choose a "non-parent" - a woman who is unlike her mother, a man who is unlike her father, this means the relevance of the internal conflict and the desire to resolve it "on the contrary."

How to explain that 34-year-old Anna, the daughter of a prosperous university professor, falls in love with a reckless rock musician without a penny?

In many cases, the choice of a partner that is radically different from the image of the parent indicates protection from the "oedipal" relationship model, in which the threat of incest is possible.

A child's sense of security is usually associated with the image of the mother, it can be expressed in the image of a large, full partner. “A thin man in such pairs usually strives for a “nursing mother”, who seems to “absorb” him into herself and protects him, says Tatyana Alavidze. “It’s the same for a woman who chooses large men.”

A child's sense of security is associated with the image of the mother, it can be expressed in the image of a large, full partner.

“It would be naive to believe that the partner is really superimposed on the image of one of the parents,” says Lola Komarova. “In fact, it does not coincide with our real father or mother, but with the unconscious idea of them that we had in infancy.”

Love, fragrance and… immunity

Our brain looks for complementary factors in another person. When choosing a partner, we unconsciously adhere to this logic: if my immune system protects me from one group of viruses, and my partner's immune system protects him from another, then our child's immune system will be even stronger than ours.

A special role in this process is played by odors, which transmit genetic information about the structure of immunity.

“We have two olfactory systems,” says Sergey Stolyarov, Doctor of Biological Sciences, Head of the Embryology Department at the Research Institute of Human Morphology of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences. - In addition to the main one, there is also a second one, which is called “vomeronasal” and serves to clarify sexual priorities.

With its help, we capture sexual odors - pheromones. After analyzing them, the brain sends a signal to the endocrine system, which produces sex hormones, and love begins.

Give what we don't have

In love, we want to get what we cannot get - feelings that connected us with the objects of former affections. We want to enjoy again the joy that they gave us, or heal the wounds that they inflicted on us. But when we expect someone else to make up for what we missed at the time, we harbor false hope.

19-year-old Alexander loves Irina, who is 16 years older than him. His friends do not understand this connection and are angry with his beloved, because of which Sasha stopped meeting them in the evenings. But in relations with Irina, the young man seeks not only affection and understanding - he needs strictness and a sense of security, which Alexander did not receive in childhood and which she generously gives him.

Be ready for the main meeting

Our acquaintance involves not two people, but at least six: on the one hand, I, father and mother, on the other, you, your father, your mother. Plus a few more of our ancestors, a first love in kindergarten, a beloved uncle or cousin who played with us in childhood, and some other people.

That is why the charm of each other at the initial stage of acquaintance with such difficulty turns into a strong and long love relationship. To this natural complexity is added the problem of time: we can simply meet at the wrong time - not to be ready for love at this moment, not to be freed from the previous romance internally.

You can miss the man or woman of your dreams because of a small unpleasant detail: an arrow on a stocking, an ugly grimace - it would seem, nothing special, but magic will not work in this case.

“Each of us enters into a love relationship, carrying our own life situation,” says Svetlana Krivtsova, “and for some, a spark of new love is a blessing, while for others it is a sad belated echo of missed opportunities: “It’s a pity that we don’t met a few years ago. Now that I like you is not the most important thing in my life.

The situation when people meet at the wrong time is not so rare, although it also happens that then they get a chance to meet again.”

The definition of a person's life goals is one of the main conditions for achieving success. Moreover, it is important not only to set goals, but also to think often that you are able to achieve them and that you will achieve them.

Do not think about obstacles on the way to the goal and imagine ominous darkness. Concentrate on the fact that achieving each goal you set can dramatically improve your life. The more you think about how your goals will change your life for the better, the stronger will be the desire to achieve them. A natural desire for concrete action will wake up in you.

If a goal inspires you, then you will begin to act towards its achievement anyway. It doesn't matter how much time you have to implement it, because you enjoy the path itself and the fact that you feel more and more satisfied with yourself. Such a state encourages you to act actively, so your level of productivity will only increase.

If you are having difficulty choosing life goals, you can use examples of other people's goals from the list of 100 human life goals.

Read also the article by Gestalt therapist Sergei Smirnov: "" (ed. note)

100 life goals

Personal goals:

Find your life's work;
Become a recognized expert in your field;
Stop drinking and smoking;
Make many friends and acquaintances around the world;
Learn to speak fluently in 3 languages other than your native;
Become a vegetarian
Find 1000 followers of your business/blog;
Wake up every day at 5 am;
Read a book a week;
Travel all around the world.

Family Goals:

Start a family;
Make your spouse happy;
give birth to children;
To raise children as worthy members of society;
To educate children;
Play the wedding of children;
Celebrate your own silver wedding;
babysit grandchildren;
Celebrate a golden wedding;
Get together for the holidays with the whole family.

Financial Goals:

Live without debts and loans;
Organize passive sources of income;
Receive monthly cumulative stable high income;
Every year increase savings by 1.5-2 times;
Own real estate on the seashore;
Build a dream house;
Cottage in the forest;
Each member of the family has a car;
Leave a solid legacy to your children;
Help those in need regularly.

Sports goals:

Get in shape;
Run a marathon;
Do the splits;
go diving;
Learn to surf
Jump with a parachute;
Comprehend the martial art;
Learn to ride;
Learn to play golf
Do yoga.

Spiritual Goals:

Learn the art of meditation;
Read the 100 best books of world literature;
Read 100 books on personal development;
Regularly engage in charity work and volunteering;
Achieve spiritual harmony and wisdom;
Strengthen your will;
Learn to enjoy every day;
Experience and express gratitude every day;
Learn to achieve your goals
Do charity work;

Creative Goals:

Learn to play on guitar;
Learn to draw;
To write a book;
Make blog entries every day;
Design the interior of the apartment to your liking;
Make a useful thing with your own hands;
Make your website;
Learn public oratory and not experience stage fright;
Learn to dance and dance at parties;
Learn to cook delicious food.

Travel purpose:

Travel around the cities of Italy;
Relax in Spain
Travel to Costa Rica;
Visit Antarctica;
Spend a month in Taiga;
Live 3 months in America;
Go on a road trip around Europe;
Leave for the winter in Thailand;
Go on a yoga tour to India;
Travel around the world on a cruise ship;

Adventure Goals:

Play at a casino in Las Vegas;
Fly in a hot air balloon;
Take a ride in a helicopter;
Explore the ocean in a submarine;
Go on a kayaking trip;
Spend a month in a tent camp as a savage;
Swim with dolphins;
Visit medieval castles around the world;
Eat mushrooms from shamans in Mexico;
Go to a transmusic festival in the forest for a week;