The life of a child when his inner. What is your inner child saying? Healing the Inner Child Meditation

Below is a list of statements. Read them carefully. Which of these would you answer "Yes" to:

You have low self-esteem and you are sure that you are not such a good person as you would like to be.
When everything is good in your life for a long time, then you have a feeling inside that something unpleasant will happen soon.
It's very hard for you to say no to people. Telling them "no" makes you feel guilty.
It often happens that you do not understand what YOU really want. You experience difficulties even making small decisions (which tea to choose, for example)
You think you don't deserve success. When he comes to you, you think that you have reached him undeservedly.
You quite often have an inexplicable feeling of shame.
You are afraid that others will consider you selfish if you put your personal needs in the first place.
Because of your complexes and fears, you think that by anticipating the thoughts and desires of people, you will be treated better.
From time to time, you feel a very deep sense of guilt towards your parents, because you think that you did not live up to their expectations.
You have taken responsibility for the happiness of your parents.
If you feel anger and irritation towards people dear to you, then you will be haunted by a feeling of guilt for a very long time.
You underestimate your importance in front of other people and think that they are much more important than you.
It is very difficult for you to relax. You allow yourself rest and entertainment with great effort.
You do not believe that the compliments that other people say to you actually come from the heart and you really deserve them.
You try to show others that everything is fine with you, even if this is not true.
You feel that, as a parent, you are not good enough for your children.

And now let's look into the most hidden corners of the soul. Where all childhood memories live, where your Inner Child lives.

For some exercises, you may need blank A4 sheets, colored pencils (felt-tip pens), gouache of different colors, brushes for drawing.

The exercises below can be done on your own or in a group. Of course, with guidance, it will be much easier for you to cope with the experiences that may arise in the process.

If you decide to do these exercises on your own, then choose a time when no one will bother you.

Exercise "Contract with yourself"

In order for the work to be more effective, conclude an agreement with yourself. I want you to understand that the topic of childhood is very difficult. Sometimes very deep wounds that a person has long forgotten about can be affected. There may come a time when you just want to quit. At another time, it may seem to you that for a very long time you have just been marking time in one place.

Remember that one of the most important conditions in this job is that you need to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat on time, listen carefully to the signals of your body.

Take a blank sheet of paper, a pen and write the following text: “I (name) consciously embark on a very deep inner work to heal my wounded Inner Child. I understand that in the process of work, repressed feelings that are very deeply hidden can be revealed. I understand that I will need to meet them and have to experience them again. This is what will help me heal my Inner Child.

I promise myself that I will practice regularly. Every day, I will set aside time for proper sleep and nutrition. I will take care of my health and take care of it. I will treat myself with care. If necessary, I promise myself that I will seek psychological help or support from a specialist.”

Put the date and your signature.

Exercise "What I was like as a child"

Choose a convenient time so that no one distracts you and take a walk. You can do this both in the apartment and in the park. While walking, remember exactly how you walked as a child? What were your movements? What was your walk like? What sensations were in your body during the movement? Perhaps you were a chubby girl and your breasts began to grow early, because of this you stooped because you were ashamed of your breasts.

Or maybe as a child you suffered from clubfoot and when walking one of your legs clung to the other, and your parents made fun of it. Or, as a child, you constantly ran and jumped at every opportunity, especially when your parents came home from work - you rushed to the jump, and they made comments to you. Or vice versa - you were slow, but you were always driven, you started to rush and constantly fell, but it didn’t work out faster ... Try to walk the way you walked as a child.

Remember what kind of child you were then. Did you move very fast, or were you slow? Soared in the clouds or were very sociable and easily made contact with people? What did you enjoy doing the most as a child? Do you remember what was your favorite toy? Or were there several?

Remember your childhood dreams. What were they about? Think of all your childhood friends. What is your very first memory from your childhood. What time of it do you remember nothing at all? Think back to your room if you had one. Or perhaps you shared a room with a brother or sister? What else do you remember when you walk now and try to feel yourself in the body of a child?

After you have completed the exercise, take a sheet of paper and a pen and draw all the associations that come to mind. These are the associations that are associated with this exercise. Just let go of your hand and see what it will output, trust your movements. Try drawing your associations with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa.

Exercise "Photo Album of Memories"

For this exercise, you will need your baby photos. If you have an album with your photos, that's very good. If your baby photos are digital, then review them and print out the ones that make you feel different. It can be joy or sadness, various memories.

Now spread these photos in front of you. Look at them carefully. How do you look on them? Sad or happy? Happy or sad? Concentrate on your subjective feelings and ignore what your "rational part" says.

This part of you may be telling you that you had a wonderful childhood in which everything was very good. But if, reviewing your childhood photos, you feel sad, and tears come to your eyes, then most likely this is not so. It is very important that you begin to trust your feelings, your inner feelings again.

If you have your own children and you understand that your relationship with them is now in conflict, then find your childhood photo, where you are the same age as your child is now.

There is a certain pattern that relations between parents and children begin to escalate at the age at which the parent himself had unfinished problems, unexperienced experiences in his childhood. The adult does not have his own children's needs met.

Let's say you're in conflict with your seven-year-old son. Most likely it was at this age that you had unresolved moments. You need to resolve them, let them into your adult life and complete them. It may be that at this age you experienced a serious loss. Or maybe everything was forbidden to you, or vice versa - everything was allowed.

So, let's begin. Take your baby photo. You can carry it with you in your wallet, or put it in a prominent place. It must be a photograph of you as your own child. This photo will remind you that you were too young. That you still have those unmet childhood needs. It is these needs that keep you from actually seeing what your own child needs.

Get comfortable. Put on some soothing music and close your eyes. Now mentally walk all over your body. Start at the top of your head and go all the way to your toes. Your breathing should be calm and deep. Now take a deep breath and as you exhale imagine how all the tension that has accumulated over the years in the body is released through the soles of your feet.

Now imagine your photo album. It doesn't matter if it's real or not. Your internal photo album contains all your photos. They are arranged in chronological order. The very first photo of you is your birthday, and the last one is today.

It is not at all necessary that all the photos that you present exist in reality. In your mind, scroll through your album, starting from now. Right now, at this moment in time, what are you wearing, what position are you in, your facial expression and mood, are there other people nearby or not, do you like yourself or not?

After you have examined this photo in detail, turn the page. Look at the next photo, where you are five years younger than you are now. Consider this photo in the same detail as the previous one.

Scroll through the album. Now you are in front of you, but ten years younger. Below is a photo of you as a teenager. Try to remember how you felt then? What happened in your life? What emotions and feelings did you experience?

Keep scrolling through the album. In the next photo you are four years old. Also take a look at this photo. What feelings are expressed on the face of this little child? What clothes does he have on? Where is he located?

In the next photo you see yourself very small, you may have just been born. Take a close look at yourself in this picture. What does this little one look like? What are you wearing? Is there anyone else in the photo? Think about how this baby in the photo feels? How do you feel when you consider yourself as a baby?

After you have finished looking at this photo, begin to slowly flip the album back in your mind - from infancy to today. Now tell yourself what is left of the child you once were? What has changed in you?

Exercise "Let's Draw"

What you need: your baby photo, colored pencils and blank paper. Take the photo you have chosen and put it in front of you. How old are you on it? Now close your eyes. Hold a pencil in your left hand if you are right-handed (and vice versa) and ask your Inner Child what he wants to draw? The answer can come either in the form of words or in the form of images.

Now start tracing the paper with your pencil. Your hand may draw lines, various scribbles, or it will be some kind of related drawing - it doesn't matter. Once you feel that you have had enough of drawing, mentally thank your Inner Child.

Exercise "Watching a movie"

I want to invite you to watch a movie with Bruce Willis called "Baby". This is a wonderful and very good movie. After viewing it, you will understand that it is very important, as an adult, to understand that you have an Inner Child living inside you and no one but yourself can help him.

That by continuing to ignore your Inner Child, he will begin to manifest when you do not expect it at all and are not ready for it. It is simply vital for him to draw your attention to himself and get what he needs all this time.

After watching the film, you will see how dramatically a person's life can change when he accepts that the Inner Child is always present in his life. Then discuss this movie with someone you trust.

You can also use the author Irina Orda for work. It is very easy to work with these metaphorical cards and you do not need to be a professional psychologist for this. You can buy them in such cities as Chelyabinsk, Kurgan, Yekaterinburg, Novosibirsk, Tyumen, Ufa, Omsk and in other regions of Russia, as well as in Kazakhstan.

I wish you peace and harmony!

Always yours, Irina Orda!

October 2017

tell friends

The inner child is the source of human life and creativity. Developing a relationship with your inner child can also heal emotional issues that have arisen from not honoring that part of you. Living in the adult world can extinguish the flame of your inner child, but you can fight the pressures by accepting and reconnecting with your childhood source.

Steps

Part 1

Get to know your inner child

Reconnect with your childhood. One way to rekindle your relationship with your inner child is to "time travel" back to childhood. To do this, you need to make a list of things that brought you joy when you were young. Examine these memories and try to remember that miracle of childhood. You can also try again to do this activity. Here are some ideas:

Sports, be it football, basketball, volleyball, tennis or something else.
Explore nature. A picnic is a great idea for this.
Play games. You can change clothes and have a tea party or fight off a gang of pirates.

Identify your special inner child. If your relationship with your inner child has declined over the years, try to determine where your inner child is now. This will help you create a map to bring your inner child back into your life. Here are some examples:
- Abandoned child. Such an inner child often occurs as a result of divorce or overemployment of parents. The main ones here are the fear of being abandoned and the feeling of being alone or insecure.
- Playful child. This child is a healthy, often neglected aspect of maturity. A playful child wants spontaneous fun, and a life without guilt or anxiety.
- Frightened child. This child must have heard a lot of criticism in his childhood, he is worried when he does not receive enough approval.
Write a letter to your inner child. This can be an apology if you feel like you have neglected your inner child and want to reconnect. It can also be a simple letter that expresses your desire to strengthen the friendship.
- Tailor the letter to your type of inner child. If he is scared, try to calm him down and soften his fears. If he's worried about being dumped, let him know that you'll do your best to always be around. If he is playful, tell him that you want to honor his carefree freedom.
Cultivate open space. Your inner child is a vulnerable person. He may need a safe space before he shows himself. Many people hide or deny the existence of the inner child because they believe it makes them look weak. In order for your child to flourish, be kind and gentle, show approval. Approach him gently, as you would a small animal whose trust you want to gain.
- Sit quietly and tell your inner child that you want to know more about him, that you want to talk, and that you want him to feel safe. It may sound silly, but you are actually speaking to a part of yourself and your subconscious.
Listen to your feelings. One important way to get in touch with your inner child is to pay close attention to the feelings you have in your daily life. They are rooted in many amazing and painful childhood experiences when you were young and impressionable. The fears and insecurities of the inner child, as well as their joys and delights, often unfold into the emotional patterns of our adult lives.
- Check yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself “how do I feel right now?”. Try to put these feelings into words.
Be attentive to your inner critic. One of the biggest obstacles that can prevent you from giving your inner child attention and care is the voice of criticism. This voice can tell you that you are too old to have childhood fears or accept the stupidity of childhood.

Part 2
Nurture your inner child
1. Take your inner child seriously. You may want to push your inner child away because its problems will seem out of place in your adult life. However, this is not true, since many of our deepest fears are transferred to him. Avoid the temptation to ignore or neglect your inner child. It is impossible to avoid it.
  - Listen to it like you would listen to a real child. He is just as real and his feelings are just as important.
2. Accept the feelings of your inner child. You may feel frustrated if a feeling of fear or insecurity bubbles up somewhere inside of you. But you have to allow yourself to feel this energy, because that's what your inner child is talking to you about.
  - He can throw a tantrum or become discouraged. You can accept these emotions without "giving in" to them. Acknowledge them, but then move on without letting them determine your actions.
3. Use reeducation to heal. Reeducation is based on the idea that you, as an adult, have the knowledge and resources to give your inner child what it needs. If you feel that your inner child needs healing before it can manifest itself in your life at its best, then this approach is worth trying. Based on the painful experience of his past, you know better than anyone what he needs and how to help him.
  
  Protect your inner child. While you shouldn't let childhood fears hold you back, you need to be sensitive to the needs of your inner child. If you have a certain insecurity that you haven't fully overcome, respect it. For example, you may have a fear of heights that first surfaced in childhood. Be kind to the part of you that is still unsure about climbing or jumping into a pool from a high springboard..
  - Also, avoid provocative situations. If the company of specific people increases childhood anxieties, limit contact with these individuals. For example, if you have a brother who teases you and makes you feel unhappy with yourself, don't spend more time with him than necessary.
4. Organize your living space. Make your home more open to the playfulness of childhood. Changing your environment will change the way you feel, so inject some childlike spontaneity and creativity into your life. Research shows that even simple things like different shades can affect mood. Arrange familiar items, such as awards or soft toys, on shelves. Dig up old photos of you and your family and put them all over the house. Try to brighten up the color of the walls, either by painting them or by hanging light and cheerful pictures.
Part 3
Develop your sense of fun

In psychology, there is a term "inner child". It is one of the most important parts of our psyche. Let's take a closer look.

The "child", as Eric Byrne writes, is a very valuable part of the personality. Only the "childish" part of our psyche allows us to experience Joy, Creativity, Delight, Charm. The inner child is a source of intuition and sincere feelings.
We are serious people who now know well what is worth. We are big uncles and aunts who try to behave according to the rules. Severe reasonable adults, we do not tolerate any stupidity and absurdity ... We do not believe in fairy tales.
But why, then, we, being so mature and serious, absolutely childishly love our expensive toys, sometimes we are afraid of the dark and loneliness, we can burst into tears in the movies and triumph, overtaking other cars on the road? Why do we so eagerly seek love and hate competition?
The answer is simple: because, having become adults, we do not cease to remain children in the depths of our souls.
When we see a person with strong feelings, we say, "He's acting like a child." And indeed it is. Our first years of life were filled to the limit with emotions, and not at all with thoughts, words and explanations. And now, when joy or sadness sometimes makes us forget about common sense, we become like children.
Thanks to the inner Child, we have curiosity, a desire for the unknown. The rest of our personality is conservative and wary of everything new, and only the inner Child is delighted with unexpected twists of fate. At such moments, he looks forward to adventure, and adventure is just what he dreams of!
Only those people in whose souls the inner child does not sit locked up, but actively participates in mental life, dance well and beautifully. As a rule, they have an easy gait, natural and harmonious movements and lively facial expressions. They are spontaneous and free, so it is pleasant to communicate with them. True, they are unpredictable and changeable in their moods, but this is more than compensated by outstanding creative abilities.
However, unfortunately, childhood is not always happy and cloudless. For many, early childhood memories are full of feelings of resentment, hopelessness and bitter guilt. Some people in childhood felt completely helpless and powerless beings in the hands of their parents. If the inner child is still resentful of someone, feels bad or worried, this can lead to the most devastating consequences in the life of an adult person.
Such an adult almost never feels happy, no matter how fortunate the circumstances of his life are. He does not know what hurts in the depths of his soul, why he is so sad... Looking closely, you can see how through the eyes of such a loser-adult a boy is looking at the world inconsolably crying over a dead dog or a girl shrinking from fear of her father's belt. In psychology, there is the concept of a "wounded child" - this is that part of the adult psyche in which children's grievances, children's tears and disappointments are still kept under seven locks ...

What can we do for our inner child if it is hurt? Almost the same thing that a real child needs when he is inconsolable: to take him in your arms, hug him, wipe his tears and say that you will never leave him now. And never offend again. And from now on, don't let anyone mock him...
There are people in whose psyche an eccentric, capricious, impressionable and emotional Child becomes the main figure. He is completely inopportune and clumsily trying to control all the behavior of a holistic personality. It is clear that this inevitably leads to many errors. The immediacy is beautiful, the depth and strength of feelings is amazing, but sometimes in life you still need to think. We also have to take into account the rules and norms of the society in which we live, otherwise this very society will quickly restrict all our freedoms: it has plenty of funds for this. That is why a person who has become a hostage of his inner child does not rejoice so much as suffers.
The child is not the only inhabitant of our soul house. Renowned psychologist Eric Berne believes that we are also carriers of an inner parent who always knows how we are supposed to behave, what is right and wrong. The inner parent is formed in a person from birth to five years under the influence of the instructions of his own real mom and dad. The stricter the parents were in childhood, the more severe, as a rule, their inner image. The inner parent also tends to seek absolute power over all behavior. If he gets it, a person has to forget about all his "I want" and do only as "necessary". On the one hand, this seems to be good. On the other hand, this situation causes too much tension in the psyche, which cannot last long. One day the "child" may "come out of hiding" and overthrow the absolute power of the inner parent. Strict rules are replaced by full revelry. But revelry is also not eternal, a feeling of guilt rises from the depths of the soul - the main weapon of the inner parent - and power changes again. A person repents of his deed and severely punishes himself - and the more severe the punishment, the closer the next "coup".
The oscillatory movements described would have been inevitable if it were not for the intervention of a third force. Fortunately, the inner child and parent are complemented by the inner Adult. The adult is our own experience. Everything that we discovered in life ourselves, and did not learn in finished form, forms the position of an Adult in us. Thanks to the Adult, we behave not only “as it should be” or “as we want”, but also “in the way that is most expedient”.
It can be concluded that a person's personality is a choir in which three voices are leading. These are the voices of the Child, the Parent and the Adult. They can sound, merging with each other in harmony and consonance, but they can also try to drown each other out. The voice of the inner child is both the purest and the brightest of the three. It is he who leads the main theme when a person is happy ...
So let the inner child smile with our lips and look at the world through our eyes - and happiness, perhaps, will turn from some kind of abstraction into a real state of mind ...

I want to offer two exercises for working with the most important part of ourselves, our inner child. Perhaps you are a parent yourself. It does not matter. Although I was told that after doing these exercises, the relationship with my child born in life changed significantly. They became more frank and penetrating. All have their own individual characteristics. I had something similar.

1. Caress your baby.

Remember that child, how you were in one of the difficult periods of his (that is, in your past) life.

For this, of course, one must have imagination and it is more difficult for those who have an analytical type of mind. For people with a predominance of abstract - logical thinking over thinking figuratively - sensual, I generally strongly advise the well-known Gestalt therapy exercises: 1. Sharpening of body sensations, 2. Verbalization, 3. Visualization, 4. Experience of the continuity of emotions.

But back to our exercise. Reach out to your inner child. Call him by name, say warm, kind words, express your love to him.

Advise him on something. Be him the kind of parent you needed back then.

Give him a toy, you yourself know what. For example, I gave mine a real leather soccer ball. He wanted it so much, but he never got it. I think I managed to fix it. But I'm not sure.

If you have tears, it means that the exercise was successful.

It is more difficult for men, although nature does not forbid them to shed tears. But, that's nature.

Photos from your childhood can help you, because you probably have them preserved. Consider them carefully.

2. Second exercise. Write a letter to your inner child.

Looking at a photo of your 4-5 year old child (himself in the past), do you understand that he cannot read? It doesn't matter, imagine that he can and write him a letter.

Write how you miss him, how much you love him. Use whatever words come to mind when referring to your inner child. You yourself know what the words are.

You should feel that this child in the photo did not die, turning into an adult you, he is in you, but far away. Our inner child alive and waiting for us! You write to him and the connection is restored. It ceases to be abandoned and forgotten. He stops crying. And your tears are just not forbidden.

This is how it will happen healing your inner child.

These two exercises overlap. You can do both. You can choose one.

They may seem simple. But this is an appearance. In any case, they are deep, if you can penetrate into this depth.

Acceptance of your Child is an essential and necessary part of inner growth. Without love for your inner child, there will be no love for yourself, but there will be emptiness and dissatisfaction. Love for your inner child is love for yourself and your children.