The need for self-expression (self-realization) is the need to realize one's potential and grow as a person. Faith in one's own abilities

2.5. The need for self-realization (self-expression)

These are spiritual needs. The manifestation of these needs is based on the satisfaction of all previous needs. There is a new dissatisfaction and a new anxiety, until a person does what he likes, otherwise he will not find peace of mind. Spiritual needs find self-expression through creativity, self-realization of the individual.

Man must become what he can be. Every person is surprisingly rich in ideas, but he needs to be convinced of this.

A person's desire for the most complete disclosure of himself, the use of his knowledge and skills, the implementation of his own plans, the realization of individual talents and abilities, the achievement of everything he wants, to be the best and feel satisfied with his position at the present time is undeniable and is recognized by everyone. This need for self-expression is the highest of all human needs.

In this group, the best, more individual than others, sides and abilities of people are manifested.

Effective people management requires:

1) assign them personal responsibility for the performance of production tasks;

2) to give them the opportunity to express themselves, to realize themselves, giving them a unique, original work that requires ingenuity, and at the same time provide greater freedom in choosing the means to achieve the goals and solve problems.

People who feel the need for power and influence over others and even peers are motivated by the possibility of:

1) manage and control;

2) to convince and influence;

3) compete;

4) lead;

5) achieve goals and objectives.

All this must be supported by praise for good work. It is important for people to realize that they work well and are individual in their own way.

Important for leaders is the fact that all human needs are arranged in a hierarchical order.

lower level needs.

1. Physiological needs.

2. Needs for security and confidence in the future.

3. Social needs (needs of belonging and belonging).

4. The need for respect (recognition and self-affirmation).

Higher level needs.

5. The need for self-realization (self-expression).

First, the needs of lower levels must be satisfied first, and only then can the needs of higher levels be addressed.

In other words, a person who is hungry will first try to find food, and only after eating will he try to build a shelter. You can no longer attract a well-fed person with bread; only those who do not have it are interested in bread.

Living in comfort and security, a person will first be motivated to activity by the need for social contacts, and then will begin to actively seek respect from others.

Only after a person feels inner satisfaction and respect from others, his most important needs will begin to grow in accordance with his potential. But if the situation changes radically, then the most important needs can change dramatically. For example, at some point a worker may sacrifice a physiological need for a safety need.

When a worker whose lower level needs have been met is suddenly faced with the threat of losing his job, his attention immediately shifts to the lower level of needs. If a manager tries to motivate employees whose safety needs (second level) are not yet satisfied by offering a social reward (third level), he will not achieve the desired targeted results.

If at the moment an employee is motivated mainly by the possibility of satisfying security needs, the manager can be sure that as soon as these needs are satisfied, the person will look for an opportunity to satisfy his social needs.

A person never experiences the feeling of complete satisfaction of his needs.

If the needs of a lower level are no longer satisfied, the person will return to this level and remain there not until these needs are completely satisfied, but when these needs are sufficiently satisfied.

It should be borne in mind that the needs of the lower level form the foundation on which the needs of the higher level are built. Only if the needs of the lower level remain satisfied does the manager have a chance to succeed by motivating employees through the satisfaction of the needs of the higher level. In order for a higher level of the hierarchy of needs to begin to influence human behavior, it is not necessary to satisfy the need of a lower level completely. For example, people usually start looking for their place in some community long before their security needs are provided or their physiological needs are completely satisfied.

The key point in the concept, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is that needs are never satisfied on an all-or-nothing basis. Needs overlap, and a person can be motivated at two or more levels of needs at the same time.

Maslow suggested that the average person satisfies his needs like this:

1) physiological - 85%;

2) security and protection - 70%;

3) love and belonging - 50%;

4) self-respect - 40%;

5) self-actualization - 10%.

However, this hierarchical structure is not always rigid. Maslow noted that although “hierarchical levels of needs may have a fixed order, in fact this hierarchy is far from being so 'rigid'. It is true that for most people their basic needs were in roughly the order shown. However, there are a number of exceptions. There are people for whom, for example, self-respect is more important than love.

From Maslow's point of view, the motives of people's actions are mainly not economic factors, but various needs that cannot always be satisfied with the help of money. From this, he concluded that as the needs of workers are met, labor productivity will also increase.

Maslow's theory made an important contribution to understanding what makes workers work more efficiently. The motivation of people is determined by a wide range of their needs. Persons with high dominance motivation can be divided into two groups.

The first includes those who strive for power for the sake of ruling.

The second group includes those who strive for power in order to achieve the solution of group problems. Emphasis is placed on the need for domination of the second type. Therefore, it is believed that, on the one hand, it is necessary to develop this need among managers, and on the other hand, to enable them to satisfy it.

People who have a strong need for achievement are more likely to become entrepreneurs. They like to do something better than their competitors, they are ready to take responsibility and quite a lot of risk.

A developed need for power is often associated with reaching high levels in the organizational hierarchy. Those who have this need are more likely to make a career, gradually rising up the job ladder.

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In this article, we will look at what almost all of humanity is striving for - self-realization. First, let's answer the question - what is self-realization? has several definitions. Let's read them.

1) Self-realization- this is the identification of one's abilities (talents) and their development by a person in any particular activity.

2) Self-realization It is the full realization of a person's individual potential.

What do these definitions mean? The fact is that the need for self-realization lies in each of us. The need to fulfill oneself to the fullest is something like a built-in function that is in each of us. According to Maslov's theory, it refers to the highest human need.

I heard many stories about such people who had EVERYTHING in the broadest sense of the word. They were earning a lot of money, buying up villas, yachts, foreign cars, and so on, but at the same time they felt UNSUCCESSFUL. They felt an inner emptiness. And to fill it - they squandered money on things that temporarily filled their void and made them. But each time such actions brought more and more short-term effect. The rich needed something, namely, the realization of their potential.

Surely you will ask me - If a person is so rich, has he really not realized himself to the fullest? I answer - If a person is in need, if he feels empty, then YES, he has not fulfilled himself in life. But why? There are several reasons. For example, because there is no interest in his work or he does not do what he wants at all. Perhaps this person implemented someone else's . He himself wanted to become a pianist, and his dad convinced him that it would be better for him to become a professional karateka.

And so, this man trains hard from year to year to justify the hopes of his father. He wins various competitions, wins first places, titles, medals and so on. The father is jumping for joy. After all, his son achieved what he once wanted. This is how parents always want their children to achieve their goals for them. The father jumps enthusiastically, but his son feels something is not right. These victories do not please him. He does not feel self-realization.

But every time my son sees a pianist playing, his eyes light up. He feels that this is what he wants to do - to please himself and the audience by playing the piano. It is in this case that he realizes his full potential. What do you think, if this person does not devote himself to playing the piano, then what will his son do? Correctly!!! This man will force his son to play the piano, and now he will embody his goals. And he may have a penchant for football!!!

Here is such a vicious circle. If we ourselves have not realized our potential in any activity, then we are looking for someone who will realize it for us, and in the very activity that we have abandoned. And these people will be our children, as strangers cause envy in us. After all, they are doing what we always wanted to do, but we didn’t succeed - we had to justify the hopes of our parents.

Self-realization

So those people who have realized themselves in some particular activity are the happiest people in the world. - it means to be needed and in demand. This is what everyone wants without even knowing it. The realization of one's potential wins over money. Nothing makes a person happy like self-realization.

As one person said: "I don't envy those people who have more money than me, but I envy those people who are happier than me". Read this phrase again!

Let's look at a specific example when people are ready to plow for a penny for the sake of self-realization. How often do you go to the theatre? I think you know that actors get paid a penny for their work. And the profession of an actor is a very difficult profession. And so you sit and watch the performance and think to yourself: “All sorts of professions are needed, but why do they work for a penny. After all, they probably don’t even have enough to travel. It would be better if they became bankers or lawyers. These professions at least feed ". Yes, that's right, good lawyers earn solid sums. And what makes people go on stage and not change their profession for many years, and maybe never at all? Of course, this is publicity, an acting team or composition (of a corpse), love for one's work. When a person enters the stage and pleases the audience with his game, nothing makes him so happy. When, at the end of the performance, he stands in line with his close friends and watches thunderous applause, he feels that someone needs him and that he lives for a reason. And when the flowers begin to give ... EH!!!

This is the feeling of self-realization.

Well, I think from this example you understand what self-realization means. Many people strive to climb the corporate ladder in order to have more power and authority. They manage people and feel their importance. But later they realize that the role of leader is not their role. Many leaders want to be led, not leaders. When they are led, they feel much better.

One businessman closed his business and became a designer. He began to earn much less money than before, but he felt much happier and freer. The profession of a designer made him the happiest person, because it was in it that he realized himself.

One woman quit one job and took another job. Her income was reduced by 30%, which is a lot. But one day, she noticed that her costs were also reduced. Why? Because in that job, she spent more money trying to fill her void with various material values. And her new job brought her pleasure and joy. Therefore, expenses have been sharply reduced, and there is more free money with a lower salary.

I think you now understand what the main need you need to satisfy. By doing this, you will be the happiest person. But first you need to determine the activity in which you truly fulfill yourself. It's not that hard. You still suspect to some extent what you need to do in order to realize yourself.

And if not, then there are some effective ways. An article to help you -. Answering all questions honestly - you. Namely, having fulfilled your destiny, you will truly fulfill yourself.

There is one more fact. All of us in childhood know exactly who we want to become and in most cases we are right in choosing our destiny. The fact is that children have a highly developed, and if from childhood mom and dad give their child the opportunity to listen to themselves, and do not hang their fantasies that are not embodied on him (as I wrote above), then finding yourself and starting to fulfill yourself is much easier .

The most important thing is to listen to yourself. You must understand your desires, fix the main idea that is spinning in your head. For example, you constantly study psychology, read biographies of the most prominent psychologists, pay attention to them, feel some kind of envy that you are not in their place, think how lucky they are that they have become what they have become. If you have caught such thoughts, then you need to strive for this.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT WAY:

1. What you do gives you pleasure.
2. You yourself do not understand where you get the strength for your chosen activity.
3. Your activity is really useful not only for you, but also for those around you.
4. You feel that you have a reserve of personal and professional development within the chosen activity.
5. You want to improve in your chosen activity.
6. You want to do your activity again and again. You jump out of bed, just to get to work as soon as possible.

Self-realization- this is the highest human need to realize their talents and abilities.

This is the desire of the individual to prove himself in society and demonstrate his positive aspects.

Remember, self-realization is something worth striving for. Realization of oneself has always been and will be the most worthy goal of man. This is what will make you the happiest person.

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What is human self-realization?

Self-realization is an active life position of a person to embody their potentialities in activities or relationships.

The process of self-realization of a person involves the implementation of one's internal resources and abilities, innate and / or acquired, regardless of whether these abilities are pro or antisocial.

The human need for self-realization

The desire of a person to prove himself in society, reflecting his personal qualities, his desire for the most complete disclosure of himself, the use of his knowledge and skills, the implementation of his own plans, the realization of individual talents and abilities in order to achieve everything he wants, the desire to be the best and feel satisfied with his position. The human need for self-realization and self-expression is the highest of all human needs.

Self-realization = recognition + self-affirmation

The need for self-realization consists of the need for recognition and the need for self-affirmation. Personality is important not only to be able to express themselves. In order to fully satisfy the need for self-realization, a person still needs to receive high praise from others. That is, in order for a person to realize himself, it is important not only to get a result from his activity, but also to feel the return from others.

To evaluate how self-fulfilled you are, there must be an evaluation criterion. For example, you want to fulfill yourself as a doctor. Then the evaluation criterion can be the number of patients you have helped to recover. At the same time, recognition is the recognition of patients (not colleagues), and self-affirmation is your level of professionalism.

A person who was able to develop and put into practice his internal innate and acquired abilities, society evaluates as an accomplished personality.

The process of self-realization requires from the individual, first of all, the active application of volitional efforts in the conditions of a specific activity.

Ways of self-realization of personality

What tools does a person use to achieve self-realization, social recognition and take his place in life?

Every day we reveal ourselves in our professional activities, in our hobbies, and recently a new way of self-realization has appeared - a global virtual network and the global information space. However, the main and main means of human self-realization is creativity.

Creative self-realization

Creative self-realization includes the disclosure of talents not only in the field of art, but also the application of one's abilities and knowledge in scientific activities. However, one should not deny the possibility of creative self-realization if it seems to you that you have no abilities for art or science.

Creative self-realization is also possible in the process of solving certain professional and life tasks, in the search for ways of self-expression in any sphere of life.

Undoubtedly, a creative approach opens up the greatest opportunities for self-realization before a person. It is creative self-realization that contributes to the self-development of the individual and the achievement of many other goals.

Professional self-realization

Professional self-realization, first of all, means the achievement of significant success in the field of labor activity chosen and of interest to the individual. Such professional self-realization can be expressed in occupying the desired prestigious position, fulfilling pleasurable professional duties, raising the level of wages, etc.

So professional activity, especially in combination with personal motives and goals, provides the most fertile ground for effective self-realization. After all, it is in socially useful and relevant activities that the full disclosure of the potential and abilities of the individual is possible.

In itself, activity in the field of the chosen profession plays almost a dominant role in a person’s life. Many of us devote almost all our free time to our work. It is in the conditions of work that certain experience, skills, abilities and knowledge are formed, personal and career growth takes place. Professional self-realization also has a significant impact on the social status of a person, which in turn is associated with his social self-realization.

Social self-realization

Social self-realization is the achievement of success in interpersonal relationships, in society, and in precisely such quantity and quality that bring satisfaction and a sense of happiness to a person, and are not limited to patterns and stereotypes established by society.

Unlike other areas of self-realization and areas of life, social self-realization is based on purely personal goals of the individual. Social self-realization consists in the achievement by a person of that level of social status and satisfaction with his life, which seems ideal for him specifically.

The social self-realization of the individual is largely associated with those social roles that include any of the possible social activities, for example, pedagogical, political, humanitarian, etc.

For example, social self-realization for women is often interpreted as a true, naturally inherent destiny of the fairer sex. Successful social self-realization in our society lies in the realization of a woman's potential: to meet her love, create a family, take place as a mother. And for most women, such self-realization is a necessary component for feeling like a happy person.

Conditions for self-realization of the individual

There are a number of factors, in the absence of which the process of self-realization is in principle impossible, that is, the conditions for self-realization of the individual are meant.

First of all, they include the upbringing and culture of the individual. In addition, each society, each separate social group, a certain family system, develops its own standards and levels of personality development. This is also reflected in the educational processes, since each separate community will have a certain influence on the child, that is, the future full-fledged individual, instill in him his own culture of behavior, isolate character traits, principles, and even the motivation of behavior.

Also, a separate influence on the possibility of self-realization for an individual, which often turns out to be the strongest, has the traditions, foundations, and even stereotypes accepted in the social environment.

Factors of self-realization of personality

Certain innate personality characteristics are also important factors of self-realization. For example, psychologists describe a person capable of effective self-realization as a person:
having freedom of action in any life situations;
feeling independent control over life;
mobile, having high adaptive resources;
acting spontaneously in decision making;
having creative potential.

But not all psychologists unequivocally interpret the above characteristics of a person as necessary traits, qualities, conditions for self-realization of the individual. Obviously, to achieve effective self-realization, it is necessary not so much innate talent, but rather acquired personality traits such as purposefulness, self-confidence, understanding of the goal, initiative, determination, diligence, vitality and energy.

Self-realization is possible at that level of human development, when a person discovers and develops his abilities, realizes priorities in his interests and needs, has a certain set of character traits, and is ready to make certain strong-willed efforts. Therefore, the main condition for effective self-realization is also painstaking internal work on oneself, constant self-development and self-education.

Social needs

1. Give employees jobs that allow them to communicate.
2. Create a team spirit in the workplace.
3. Hold periodic meetings with subordinates.
4. Do not try to break up informal groups that have arisen if they do not cause real damage to the organization.
5. Create conditions for social activity of members of the organization outside of its framework.

Respect needs

1. Offer subordinates more meaningful work.
2. Provide them with positive feedback on the results achieved.
3. Appreciate AND encourage the results achieved by subordinates.
4. Involve subordinates in goal setting and decision making.
5. Delegate additional rights and powers to subordinates.
6. Promote subordinates through the ranks.
7. Provide training and retraining that enhances competencies.

Needs for self-expression

1. Provide subordinates with learning and development opportunities that enable them to reach their full potential.
2. Give subordinates difficult and important work that requires their full dedication.
3. Encourage and develop creative abilities in subordinates.

"Health" factors are the factors of the environment in which the work takes place. They can be seen as a need to eliminate/avoid difficulties. The absence of these factors causes a feeling of irritation, dissatisfaction. The presence of environmental factors provides normal working conditions and, as a rule, does not contribute to the activation of human activity. For example, comfortable working conditions, normal lighting, heating, etc., working hours, wages, relationships with management and colleagues.

• Salary, as a rule, is not a motivating factor.
• To eliminate the feeling of dissatisfaction, the manager needs to pay special attention to the factors of "health". In the absence of a feeling of dissatisfaction and irritation, it is useless to motivate staff with the help of "health" factors.
• After the employee is provided with everything necessary to achieve the goals, the manager must concentrate all efforts on motivational factors.

3. McClelland's three-factor theory considers only three types of acquired needs that activate human activity: power, success, involvement.

There is a certain similarity of this theory with the theory of A. Maslow. The need for power and success is characteristic of people who have reached the fourth level of the hierarchy of needs - the need for respect. The need for involvement is characteristic of people who have reached the satisfaction of the third level of needs - social needs.

Unlike A. Maslow, McClelland believes that only the need for power is a motivational factor. Therefore, in practice, this theory is applicable to a greater extent for people seeking to occupy a certain position in an organization.

Theory of needs by K. Alderfer is one of the most widely used content theories of motivation. These theories describe the structure of needs, their content, the relationship of a person's motivation to activity. Clayton Paul Alderfer (born 1940) is a psychologist at Yale University.

[edit] Basic theory

Alderfer agrees with Maslow's theory. According to Alderfer, people care about only three needs - the need to exist, the need to communicate with others, and the need to grow and develop. He argued that these three needs are similar to those identified by Maslow. The need to exist is similar to the physiological need. The need to communicate with others is a social need. The need for growth is the need for self-realization, for respect.

Clayton Alderfer argued that today's needs may remain unsatisfied in five years, and then it is possible to change the orientation. As a young adult, a person may aspire to become the president of a company. In adulthood, he may no longer want to become president, as it takes too much of his life. This is a different view of human needs.

[edit] Differences from Maslow's theory

Alderfer's theory has a fundamental difference from Maslow's theory - the movement along the hierarchy can be carried out both from the bottom up and from the top down in the event that the need of the upper level is not satisfied. From the need to exist, you can move to the need to communicate. But your career growth may slow down, and instead of striving for growth through the ranks, you will be interested in relationships with people.

Victor Vroom's Expectancy Theory.

According to the theory of expectations, the presence of a need is not the only necessary condition for motivation. A person must also hope (expect) that the type of behavior he has chosen will actually lead to the intended goal. Expectations according to this model can be regarded as an estimate of the probability of an event. When analyzing motivation, the relationship of three elements is considered: costs - results; results - reward; valency (satisfaction with the reward). The Vroom model can be represented as follows: Motivation = (З=>Р) * (Р=>В) * Valence where (З=>Р) – expectations that efforts will give the desired results; (Р=>В) - expectations that the results will entail a reward; Valence is the expected value of the reward. If the value of one of these factors is low, then the motivation will be low.

The theory of justice.

The theory of justice postulates that people subjectively evaluate the reward received, correlating it with the effort expended and the reward of other people. If people feel that they have been treated unfairly, their motivation is reduced and they tend to reduce the intensity of their efforts.

Theory of motivation L. Porter - E. Lawler.

This theory is built on a combination of elements of the theory of expectations and the theory of justice. Its essence is that the relationship between remuneration and the results achieved has been introduced. L. Porter and E. Lawler introduced three variables that affect the amount of remuneration: the effort expended, the personal qualities of a person and his abilities, and awareness of his role in the labor process. Elements of the theory of expectation here are manifested in the fact that the employee evaluates the reward in accordance with the efforts expended and believes that this reward will be adequate to the efforts expended by him. Elements of the theory of justice are manifested in the fact that people have their own judgment about the correctness or incorrectness of remuneration in comparison with other employees and, accordingly, the degree of satisfaction. Hence the important conclusion that it is the results of labor that are the cause of employee satisfaction, and not vice versa. Among domestic scientists, the greatest success in developing the theory of motivation was achieved by L.S. Vygodsky and his students A. N. Leontiev and B. F. Lomov. However, their work was not developed, since they investigated the problems of psychology only on the example of pedagogical activity. Vygodsky's theory states that in the human psyche there are two parallel levels of development - the highest and the lowest, which determine the high and low needs of a person and develop in parallel. This means that it is impossible to meet the needs of one level with the help of the means of another. For example, if at a certain point in time a person needs to satisfy primarily lower needs, material incentives work. In this case, the highest human needs can be realized only in an intangible way. L.S. Vygodsky concluded that higher and lower needs, developing in parallel and independently, collectively control human behavior and activities.

Goal setting theory

The lead developers are Edwin Lock, I am also T. Ryan, G. Latham, P. Fryaker and McGregor.

The process of setting goals in general is as follows: the individual is aware of and evaluates the events taking place in his environment. Based on this, he defines goals for himself and, based on them, carries out actions, performs certain work, achieves results and receives satisfaction from this.

The theory states that the level of work performance depends on four characteristics of the goals (and the efforts involved in achieving them).

The complexity of a goal reflects the level of work required to achieve it. The more complex goals a person sets for himself, the better results he achieves (except for unrealistic ones).

The specificity of a goal reflects its quantitative clarity, precision, and certainty. More specific goals lead to better results.

Goal acceptability refers to the extent to which a person perceives the purpose of the organization as their own.

Goal commitment reflects the level of effort spent to achieve the goals of management should constantly monitor the level of commitment to the goal of employees and take measures to maintain it at a high level.

Employee satisfaction with the results of work is not only the last step in the motivation process in the theory of goal setting, not only completes the motivation process, but also forms the basis of the next cycle of motivation.

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Theory of equality.

The concept of participatory management

1) The founder of the theory of equality - S. Adams. The main idea of ​​this theory is that in the process of work, a person compares how his actions were evaluated with how the actions of others were evaluated. And on the basis of this comparison, depending on whether he is satisfied with his comparative assessment or not, a person modifies his behavior. In the process of comparison, although objective information is used, the comparison is carried out by a person based on his personal perception of his actions and the actions of the people with whom he is comparing. This theory operates with the following concepts: an individual is a person who considers the organization's assessment of his actions from the standpoint of justice and injustice. Compared persons - individuals and a group of people in relation to which the individual compares the assessment of his actions. An individual's perceived reward is the combined amount of reward received by an individual for individual performance. This value is subjective, it is the result of the individual's perception of the reward of his actions. The perceived reward of others is the sum of all the rewards that the compared persons received in the individual's view.

The perceived cost of an individual is the person's perception of what he has contributed on his part to carry out actions and obtain a result. Perceived results of others - an individual's idea of ​​the total amount of costs, the contribution made by the compared persons. Norm is the ratio of perceived costs to perceived rewards.

The theory of equality says that it is very important for a person how his norm relates to the norm of others. If the norms are equal, then a person, even with less remuneration, feels justice, since in this case there is equality.

Adams identifies 6 possible human responses to a state of inequality:

A person can decide for himself that it is necessary to reduce costs, do not have to work hard and expend great effort. The result of inequality is a decrease in the quality of labor;

The individual may attempt to increase the reward. He will demand higher pay;

A person can re-evaluate his capabilities. He may decide that he thought wrong about his abilities. At the same time, his level of self-confidence decreases;

The reaction to inequality may be an attempt by the individual to influence the organization and the individuals being compared, either to force them to increase costs or to reduce their remuneration;

A person can change for himself the object of comparison, deciding that the person or group of persons with whom he is compared are in special conditions;

A person may try to move to another division or even leave the organization altogether.

2) The concept of participatory management. This concept proceeds from the fact that if a person in an organization is interested in participating in various intra-organizational activities, then he works with greater efficiency, better, more efficiently and productively. It is believed that participative management, by giving the employee access to make decisions about issues related to his functioning in the organization, motivates the person to do better work. It not only contributes to the fact that a person does a better job, but also leads to greater returns, a greater contribution of an individual employee to the life of the organization (there is a more complete use of the potential of the organization's human resources).

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One day, my six-year-old daughter made another craft, which was supposed to be put on her head. I took it with me to preparatory school and, not at all embarrassed, went to class in makeshift bunny ears, moreover, I corrected them so that they hung on my face as conspicuously as possible. My not very confident attempts to make a “decent beautiful girl” met with such obvious and assertive resistance that I had to give up my positions.

I was thinking about how bad my daughter looked, who went to prep school not wearing a bow at all, but with paper ears shamelessly covering half of her face. Imagine my surprise when I heard the sincere admiration of the teachers: “What a fine fellow, our Olesya! Something interesting, but always come up with! Did you do it yourself?"

So I concluded that our views on “beautiful” and “good” are far from always correct. And, perhaps, the most beautiful and good thing that can be in the world is not the usual white bow, but the opportunity not to hide your creations, not to be ashamed of them: “And whoever misunderstands is “the fool himself”.”

This is the permission to express yourself in the form and in the image in which you want yourself. Self-expression is impossible without attention, but a missing need cannot be cured by mere attention.

The right to express oneself must be priceless! This is the case when the process is important, not the result. Only then a result worthy of recognition will appear from a high-quality, well-thought-out process. But not vice versa! However, society teaches us the opposite. In society, at best, it is customary to notice what is worthy of high appreciation. Hence, from childhood, a projection is formed: “I am noticed when I do something good.” This is also where the excessive need for praise originates, which has no rational basis. And the chain of strange reactions also includes haste (the desire to receive praise quickly). A person tries to finish faster in order to get a result, praise and finally feel the importance of his actions. Naturally, in this version, there is no need to talk about good performance, in fact, about what is an important manifestation of the personality itself.

Thus, self-affirmation in generally accepted behavior patterns is based on the expectation of always a public (or external) positive assessment. And criticism is perceived as a denial of the right to be yourself, to express yourself as you want, and so on. And it causes a backlash. How else can I win back my right to exist?

As the child matures, those around him actively reinforce false perceptions. In the adult world, all the same mechanisms work! “If you have achieved success, your point of view has the right to life. We will listen to you, respect you, so to speak, with attention. And if the hero has not become famous, it means that he is nobody and his name is nothing, and no one will listen to him. Evaluation system destroys individuality!

And in the true business of self-expression, your authorship, unlike the others, is important. And we measure everything with one ruler, losing behind the invented importance of a person, his right to be himself.

But a person can act and think as he sees fit. Anyone deserves attention (and respect) for one simple reason: he is a person, a member of our society, he exists and he has the right.

And our attention must be unconditional. It is in this that the mutual respect for each other is expressed. We demand it all, but we do not know the nature of this property, we do not imagine what it is real. Thus, the hero respects his right to his own opinion and accepts someone else's right to a different opinion.

When a person realizes the moments described, he can also realize the following: every enemy and offender who stands on the righteous path and argues, like a hero, needs public self-expression. The more aggressive the opponent's behavior, the more he needs to show himself. How does he show his own personality? Through the denial of the point of view and the right to the individuality of others (just as the hero does so far). And if the participant observes himself, he may notice a strange feeling - as if he is betraying himself.

There is another side of the coin. Along with conflicts, fawning walks - agreement with the opponent just so that he does not deny you. Consent out of fear of rejection is plural in nature. And here the lack of opportunity in self-expression, as in the right to my presence in this world, plays a prominent role. You seem to be begging for a good attitude. At times, he is even ready to change his course, adapt to the critic - and all just so that he does not express a negative point of view. And, strangely, by agreeing, you betray yourself again.

The prototype of one of the main characters of the books "People from the closet" - a typical representative of the clan of a dependent society, a person who exists in reality, and who has passed the path of his own mistakes and awareness, at the beginning of the story did not feel his right to life. He, in fact, turned to the book in order to learn to allow himself to be the way he is. At the beginning of the story, he even set a goal: "Become successful" - he thought that in this way he would be able to get humanity, participation in his life and, most importantly, acceptance of himself by loved ones and even strangers. Recognition, as acceptance, seemed to him the most important of all! He couldn't live without it! He conquered as best he could - in childhood by good ostentatious behavior, fawning, satisfaction. In adult life - consent, where I do not agree; listening where it is not interesting; presence where it does not want to be, etc. He is forced to constantly "deserve" this place in the sun - the right to be, the right to live in warmth and acceptance. Accustomed to living like this, he releases needles in advance, like a hedgehog. And it is in a world where everyone is stepping on each other - fighting for their place under the sun. Aggression is common here - everyone gets it in full and thinks that this is the norm. And everyone wants warmth - still shaky, uncertain, at least some, if only not to fall.

People have long learned: to get warm - you have to fawn.

To satisfy the natural need for the right to manifest oneself, one has to fight. Hence - the inability to benevolently ask to reduce the volume, the inability to give way, an inadequate response to other people's requests (“they deny me”).

The search for any attention - even positive, even negative - is also a manifestation of the need for self-expression. Individuality in its manifestation requires the public. As an adult, I kind of “beg”: “Listen to what I said! Answer me! Pay attention to my status! Read my article?! Look at my drawing! Email me!"

Perception - painful, unsatisfied gives "output" perverted interpretations (similar to the consequences of the lack of personal space).

No answer - they didn't notice me.

The answer is negative (they argue, criticize) - they deny me.

This way of thinking and behavior is sucked into a strong, seemingly irresistible circle in which there is no way out. It's really hard to get out. To do this, it will be necessary to systematically switch the focus from the orientation to external evaluation to the internal permission to be oneself. Basically it is a work of awareness and willpower.

The described theme is closely intertwined with the previously considered need for one's own emotional space. Personal emotional space makes it possible to be what you are and not prove anything to anyone (do not justify or defend). And the fulfilled need for self-expression ceases to need attention. Staying within one's own boundaries makes it possible not to argue with anyone and not to prove anything to anyone, and thus leaves one in the desired state of not betraying oneself. But this needs to be learned.

This publication continues the series of articles written on the series of books "People from the closet". If the reader feels that the understanding described here is not enough for him, he can turn to the material in the books, presented in a deep form, in the language of the subconscious. The protagonist of the books gains independence from society through the consciousness of personal space, in which everyone has the right to be what he is. And, of course, gives this right to others. So no one steps on each other's heels. Each respects the rights of the other. The traveler, however, does not stop there. He also gets rid of the need for attention to himself and to his works. He agrees to leave the results of self-expression within his own space (not to impose on society).