Children's jokes about school. Very funny jokes to tears about school for kids Jokes about homework

The most golden time of any person is the time of studying at school. This includes meeting new people, exploring the world around us, and preparing for a future adult life. Therefore, it is not surprising the appearance of various jokes about the school, students and teachers.

School is a second home

The funny ones don't happen by accident. After all, each class has its own “Vovochka”, its own “fat trust” and “nerd”. Being different from others makes them an object of ridicule from other children. And the teacher, who looks like a scientist, with glasses and a folder under his arm, also becomes the object of jokes. Let's take a closer look at what are the funniest jokes about school.

Children's pranks

In every class there is sure to be someone who likes to play a trick on their classmates or teachers. There are even films that describe very funny jokes about school. Pranks consist of placing buttons on the chair of a teacher or another student, smearing a blackboard with soap, giving a bottle of sparkling water to some classmate, shaking it strongly in advance, and so on. In the first case, for someone it will be very funny, but for someone not so much. In the second case, the teacher will not be able to write anything on the blackboard, in the third case, someone will be covered by a large carbonated wave right on their face. Such a joke is very popular when students tell the teacher that his entire back is white. A teacher who knows how to accept such humor, of course, laughs himself off. Well, if he is not a fan of such jokes, then schoolchildren may get it.

Short funny jokes about school

Jokes can be either long or short. For example, one short expression can make listeners (readers) laugh a lot. Here is some of them:

1. The rubber ball was still flying through the window of the director's office, meanwhile the children were already hiding.
2. The school year is like pregnancy: nine months long, and toxicosis begins from the second week.
3. Studying at school is a sentence to an eleven-year regime without the right to early release. Supervisors are the director and teachers.
4. A student comes home from school and joyfully shouts to his mother: “Mom! Today you are lucky - we were asked to read only.
5. The teacher told the parents to cut their son's bangs, otherwise she does not know his face.
6. School meeting - admission is free, but exit is allowed only for a certain amount.
7. Homework done. The mother is hoarse, the son is roaring, and the neighbors have learned the multiplication table.
8. Due to the lack of books on anatomy, the Minister of Education approved a hole in the wall of the bathhouse as a subject for study.

Vovochka is the main character of jokes about school

Anyone knows who Vovochka is. This is a typical schoolboy who does not do his homework, does not listen to adults, is a bully, a lazy person and a loser. At the same time, he always has witty answers to the questions of the teacher. Such a character in funny jokes about school for children is very necessary. Thanks to him, children begin to understand how not to be. That is, such jokes about school are instructive.

1. The teacher asks Vovochka why he was late. The answer was shocking. The boy said he was attacked and his homework notebooks were stolen.
2. To the question about what five years of his life Vovochka considers the happiest, the answer was received: studying in the first grade.
3. Vovka received a deuce. The father went to find out why. The teacher says that the boy did not do it himself, but copied from a neighbor on the desk. Indeed, they checked both notebooks. Both answered the first question correctly, and both answered the second question incorrectly. The father is indignant that this is quite possible. The teacher showed the third question, to which the girl answered that she did not know. And Vovochka wrote: "Me too."

Jokes cheer up

In everyday life, there are too many fussy days, various problems. Therefore, it is not surprising that people are drawn to jokes, humorous programs. The subject matter varies. But it is jokes about school, short or long, that are perceived with warmth and nostalgia for school life. Every adult has their own memories of school days.

In addition to the usual jokes, there are jokes about the school in the form of skits. They will cheer up, allow you to relax both soul and body. Let's consider some of them:

1. One schoolboy tells another that he doesn't believe the earth is round. Explains this simply: otherwise the sea would have completely splashed.
2. At the lesson of the world around, the teacher asks to explain why it snows in winter and not in summer. One of the students says: "If it snowed in the summer, it would melt."
3. The Russian language teacher asks the children: I work, you work, she works - what time is it? “Heavy,” one of the guys answers.
4. The second grader comes home. Mother takes his diary to check. There she discovers a "deuce". It has been crossed out and corrected to "four". The mother begins to scold the student. And he calmly replies: “The teacher told us that we can, if we wish, correct a bad grade for a good one.”
5. The American delegation came to the Russian school to exchange experience. One of them asks: “Do children use computers at school?” “Of course,” the teacher replies. Everyone enters the office. There are six computers on the windowsill. The teacher gives an assignment to Petrov: “Petrov, take two computers and put them on the table. How many computers are left on the windowsill now?”

Exams are a special topic

Exams are the time when the fate of students is decided. Therefore, it is not surprising that jokes about this period also appeared. There are especially many interesting statements about the Unified State. The following selection is about it:

1. One student who left the exam asks another: “Were you able to answer all the questions?” He replies no. "What do you hope for then?" The second replied: "Chronic flat feet or poor eyesight."
2. Some of the examiners suggested that the exam should have such items as in the program “Become a Millionaire”: help the audience, call a friend, or 50 to 50. In extreme cases, the opportunity to pick up a certificate.
3. About those who do not have an education, now we can say that he is a "victim of the Unified State Examination."
4. After a good pass, some need to issue a “Atistat on middle schooling”.
5. Children used to be scared by Babai, now from the very first grade they are scared by Egei.
6. Every student in the depths of his soul dreams that the one who invented the exam would be killed.
7. Baba EGE is a scary character.
8. To find out how lucky you are, you need to give answers to the exam at random.
9. I wonder what it will be like for the Minister of Health to be treated in a village hospital? Will the Minister of Education be able to pass the exam himself?
10. A monkey ran away from one circus and accidentally ended up in the office where they took the exam. Choosing at random the answers, she went to study at Moscow State University.

There is also such a sign when a student taking an exam must be strongly cursed. Supposedly this will help pass it. A joke on this topic: one student passed the exam for a deuce, came home with claims to his parents that they didn’t swear at him very much. They immediately corrected themselves and scolded him severely.

Inscriptions in the diary

In addition to jokes about Little Johnny, about exams, and so on, jokes about school include various inscriptions in students' diaries. Some of them are quite funny and absurd. Below are a few options:

1. “For many days now, he has been throwing dead cockroaches at classmates.”
2. “There is no diary” (the absurdity was that it was written in the diary itself).
3. At a geography lesson, apparently, the child could not remember his address, the teacher made an inscription: "Forgot where he lives."
4. “Criticizes the furniture in the English room” (the critic grows up).
5. The schoolboy, apparently, had seen enough of thrillers or action movies. In his diary there is an inscription: "I convinced my classmates to go down to the bunker."
6. "Entering through the window." On this inscription, the student himself wrote below: “Comes out through the wall.” (Probably a fan of The Chronicles of Narnia).
7. The girls are no better: “She behaved like a dog and gnawed a bone.”
8. "She made eyes for her classmates."
9. "Farted on the whole class."
10. “I went to the toilet, I came back drunk.” (Someone at school has a cafe instead of a toilet).
11. "Brought a bum to a lesson." (Compassionate student).

There are an infinite number of such examples. It is strange that this is all true, and sometimes teachers themselves become the object of ridicule. Take, for example, a teacher of physical education or labor.

"Trudovik" and "athlete"

1. On the first of September, all teachers receive a bouquet of flowers, and the Trudovik receives a “Bouquet of Moldova”.
2. The athlete commands: “Inhale, exhale! Fu, Anton, you are breathing through the wrong hole again!
3. Sportsman: "Who smokes?" Sees three hands raised. “So, we will smoke, and the remaining five laps around the stadium!”.

Afterword

Of course, there are a lot of funny jokes about school (short or long). The reason is that school time is the most wonderful and fun time for everyone without exception. Funny stories happen in every class. They are similar to each other and at the same time different from each other.

School life will always be invented. After all, this is what brings students and teachers together. Without funny stories, the school itself would be boring and monotonous.

Short jokes about school are read very quickly, but, nevertheless, they are just as funny as all the others. School theme is very funny in itself. After all, memories of childhood and school life make many of us smile. In short jokes about school, you can recognize yourself, your friends and remember all the cute pranks that happened at school.

Brevity is the sister of talent - this proverb has long been known. Therefore, to come up with short jokes about school, you need to have an incredible talent. There's a lot on this topic. Take at least - although they are not so short, but no less funny.

I'd like a double whisky, please.
- Girl! It's the school cafeteria!
Oh, sorry, I was thinking. Computer please...

Your son is very weak in geography!
-No matter! You won't get far with our income...

No one has died from knowledge yet. Although the skeleton in the biology room is alarming.

Sidorov! Write legibly! the teacher says sternly.
- Yes? Maybe you still say: "write without errors"?!

Leaving the lesson, the boy Fedya slammed the door so hard that Vasya, who was sitting on the windowsill, also left the lesson.

Dear students, I know that in the lessons you send SMS to each other, because no one, just like that, looks between his legs and smiles...

Class teacher:
- The topic of the next lesson is "The structure of the human brain." Bring tomorrow with a hammer, chisel and brilliant green.

After sitting in Odnoklassniki for a long time, the teacher at school automatically gave everyone "5+" and drew hearts in her diary.

Physical education teacher:
- As for a physical education lesson, everything is without a uniform! And how to walk around the area, so everything is in Adidas.

The bell ringer's son at the church school pulls 7 girls' pigtails at the same time.

At school, grades were given for a quarter, the child, looking into his mother’s eyes, says: “The main thing, moms, is that we are healthy, right?”

The Ministry of Education officially approved the theme of the essay: "HOW I Spent the End of the World."

School graduation every year becomes more and more like Paratrooper's Day.

A new decisive step by the government of Ukraine aimed at protecting motherhood and childhood: pregnant schoolgirls were allowed not to take exams.

The boy who learned to kiss on tomatoes ate out of habit
classmate...

"Are you late again, baby?" - said the cleaning lady and affectionately slapped the schoolboy in the face with a rag.

Exam. Literature.
Question: The first female pilot in Russia?
Answer: Baba Yaga!

The basic rule of the Russian language.
If you do not know how to write "here" or "here" - write "here".

The Congress of Teachers of Mathematics ended in a fight. Something was not shared.

Parents at the family council:
- Son! We all start a new life from Monday! I will quit losing weight, dad will quit smoking. And you?
- I can drop out of school...

Russian language lesson:
- Sidorov, what prefixes do you know?
- Playstation3, Nintendo Wii, Xbox360...

Do you have higher education? Or even two?
Do your homework with a 4th grade student using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

The teacher of the Russian language, checking the compositions of children on the topic "How I spent the summer", put not "3", "4" and "5", but 18+, 16+ ...

Fizruk Sidorov still believes that after the number "4" the number "finished" follows.

Nothing students remember better than the mistakes of their teachers.

On the program "the smartest" to the question - "carrots, onions, potatoes, Lexus, what's extra?" - fifth-grader Izya answered "carrots, onions, potatoes."

The principal of the school catches a smoking guy in the toilet:
- Which class?
The guy, releasing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!

It seems that those who write school textbooks do not do homework with their children.

From the textbook on the Russian language for the second grade: Designing sentences; (Which) (who) led us into this (what) forest?

Literature exam:
- What can you say about the heroine of Roman?
- How did you know?

A first-grader goes to school for the first time past a kindergarten. Behind the fence, preschool children play in the sand. He approached them, looked, sighed:
- I would love to join, but education and age do not allow.

The students wrote a dictation. When Alla Grigoryevna was checking notebooks, she turned to Antonov:
- Kolya, why are you so inattentive? I dictated: "The door creaked and opened." What did you write? "The door creaked and fell off."

It is easy to determine the monthly cycle of each teacher from the estimates in the school magazine.

How do you know Armenian so well?
- At our school the English teacher was an Armenian.

Respect your parents. They left school without Google and Wikipedia.

Young mother before September 1st:
- Phew, it seems that I bought everything for the school: a primer, notebooks, pens, valerian, a belt ...

Longest dream recorded in history class
the student fell asleep in the 15th century, and woke up in the 18th.

In gym class:
- So, boys, which one of you smokes? Honestly! Dont lie! !! So. .. means you .. and you. .. It's clear. .. So, like this: you and I will smoke, the rest - five laps around the stadium.

At school, at the graduation, a fizruk and a Trudovik fought. Trudovik won, because karate is karate, and a hammer is a hammer.

A teacher's entry in Darya Dontsova's school diary: “I prepared a report on biology. I've been reading for three weeks now. I hope the killer is not a zebra ... "

A boy with the surname Goagramakiishkiryan very rarely goes to the blackboard...

If you decide to gather classmates for 25 years of graduation, you do not need to look for them all, find one - the last double-dealer and a hooligan, and he will find all the rest through his deputy channels ...

A technician who has worked at a school for 20 years can hit a moving target with a rag from a distance of 50 meters.

Who graduated from school, he does not laugh in the circus ...

One of the most unprofitable mistakes in the life of a school teacher is a birthday in the summer holidays.

A teacher in New York earns more than a teacher in Moscow, but he cannot live on his salary in Moscow.

The Russian language teacher was checking the essay and saw a mistake in the phrase: “Experience in life comes with reptiles,” but then she thought about it and decided not to correct it.

3000 year. Russian language lesson.
- And remember, children, the main rule of punctuation: do not put a comma after the emoticon ...

We were accustomed to black bookkeeping since school, when they said: - We write one, two in the mind!

In Moldavian schools, at the parents' meeting, the phrase "Let's chip in for repairs" causes general laughter.

The schoolboy found a million bucks and handed them over to the police. The sobbing mother claimed to be proud of him.

Went to a high school reunion, 20 years out of high school. The whole evening, a song from the movie "Mary Poppins. Goodbye" was spinning in my head: "Thirty-three cows, thirty-three cows ..."

At one time, we threw wet rags at breaks. I'm sure now there is a special program for the iPhone for this.

The next morning after graduation, the parents again found their son in the cabbage.

My husband is 40 years old, and in "Odnoklassniki" his classmates are 25-30 ... Lord, how difficult it was for him to study!

In order for children to better remember the multiplication table, it was decided
print it on packs of light Marlboro.

New cigarettes especially for schoolchildren! "Parents Meeting", now with the taste of the belt.

It's the cool 17-year-old freshmen who scream the loudest about the stupid 16-year-old schoolgirl.

At the first lesson after the May holidays, the Trudovik announced that he would give the “five” to the one who would cut the quietest ...

Modern literature lesson at school. Teacher:
- And now, children, we are writing comments on "War and Peace" ...

In Armenian schools, classmates pull the mustaches of girls.

Do you like going to school?
- Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.

The teacher said that he would let us go early. But they didn't let us go...

Why are there lessons at school, but couples at the institute?
Yes, because they study at school, and they take a steam bath at the institute!

Mom, the parents' meeting is coming soon, and I would like to announce the upcoming information attacks on me.

Teacher in math class
- Vova, if you found a hundred rubles in your right pocket and ten rubles in your left ...
- So I put on someone else's pants.

At the Russian language lesson, the teacher read the phrase "throw the glove". And asked:
- What does this phrase mean?
Vanya raised his hand and said:
- Well, it means - challenge to a duel. For example, Onegin threw a mitten to Lensky...

Their school essay:
"Pet rats are very cute as long as they don't start themselves."

Why are you tearing pages out of your textbook? - the teacher asks little Elinochka.
- And I don’t tear out everything, only read ones, so as not to make a mistake and not read the same thing twice.

The teacher at the lesson told the children what cotton, woolen and other fabrics are made of. When it seemed to him that everyone understood, he asked Kostya:
- Tell us: what are your pants made of?
- From my mother's skirt - he replied.

The first of September, the teacher addresses the students:
- Guys, do you have any more questions?
Vovochka rises:
- Claudia Emelyanovna, when are the holidays?

Petya is standing near the school and crying loudly.
Passerby asks:
- What happened? Why such tears?
Because of the damned rheumatism...
- Poor! So small, but already rheumatic.
- No, I'm not sick, I just wrote rhyme in dictation.

Judging by the salaries, you understand that the most important subjects at school are physical education and singing lessons.

From a school essay: "A zebra is a horse that walks in pajamas."

In a geography lesson, Masha was called to the blackboard. She talked about the animals of South America. When the girl finished answering, the teacher turned to Artyom:
- Artyom, ask Masha an additional question.
Artyom hid the smartphone he was playing under his desk, looked at Masha in a daze and asked:
- What is a parabola?

The teacher asks the class:
- Children, what bird does not make nests?
- Cuckoo, - Gena answers.
- Why?

The teacher says to the student:
- Let your grandfather come to school tomorrow!
- Do you mean father?
- No, grandfather. I want to show him what mistakes his son makes in your homework...

Do you want changes in your life?
Go to school!
There are changes every 45 minutes.
And teachers write every day:
"CLASSWORK"!

Soon! In all apartments of the country!!!
Lessons done...
Mother is hoarse...
Son deaf...
Neighbors learned everything by heart ..
The dog spoke.

Only very courageous people choose the profession of a teacher.
Because they have to go to school until retirement.

It was like that at school. In elementary school, you pulled a girl's pigtail, which means you like her. And if with a briefcase on the head - this is already Love.

Why are you crying?
Yes, it's a sad book...
- What kind of book?
- Algebra.

21:00 - It is at this time that children confess to their parents,
that tomorrow you need to bring crafts to school,
report with color photographs and pies for tea.

Literature exam.
Question: The first female pilot in Russia?
Answer: Baba Yaga!

Do you have a favorite lesson?
- Yeah.
- Which?
- Last.

I used to think that teaching lessons was the worst thing in the world. No-o-o! The worst thing to do is teach lessons with your child.

Oooh, parent-teacher conferences are coming soon.
The entrance is free. Exit at dusk - paid.

I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory.
- How long ago did it start for you?
- What started?

Teacher:
- What natural phenomena occur in winter?
- Snowmen!

Jokes about school and teachers.

Only the eye stopped twitching, and already again the first of September.

On the program "The smartest" to the question "Carrots, onions, potatoes," Lexus ". What is superfluous?" the fifth grader answered: "Carrot, onion, potato!"

Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in kindergarten!

No, this is too much! Today you forgot both notebooks and textbooks! Do you know the name of an unarmed soldier?
- I know. General!

Hello! Three o'clock in the morning! Who you are?
- This is your student's father, Elena Vasilievna. Are you sleeping now?
- Of course!
- And we saw chestnuts, glue acorns to the cardboard - we are preparing crafts for the contest "Farewell Autumn" ...

In a zoology lesson:
Why is the ape so called?
Student:
"Because it came from a human!"

Yesterday I got a call from the school and they said: "Your son lies all the time." I said, "Tell him what he's doing well: I don't have a son."

On the lesson.
- Think of a sentence with the numeral three.
- My mother works at a knitting factory.

- Fine! Yesterday I received one plus six minus four.

1st class. Teacher:
- So, children, put aside all your smart phones, stop texting, today we need to learn the letter "A".

Composition - description of the painting by F.P. Reshetnikova
"Again deuce!" student of 5 "A" class.

Before us is a picture of F.P. Reshetnikov "Again deuce!" The main character of the picture is the boy Mitya. His age is about ten years old. He is with a briefcase in his hands, skates in the briefcase. He has a very sad look. Blond hair, he is in a coat, a tattered coat with a white collar. He stands sideways. He is wearing boots and black pants.
The mother is dressed, with a blue scarf on her head, a pink shirt, a red apron and a black dress. There are black slippers on the feet. My sister is wearing a school uniform. She is wearing a clean and ironed pioneer tie. Next to her is a brown briefcase. The younger brother is in a blue and white sweater and brown pants. He is on a red bike and smiling. The dog joyfully rushes to Mitya and wants to caress him. The dog is black and white and there is a little red.
The room is small and living in it is cramped.
It is very embarrassing and sad to bring home a deuce.

Children wrote an essay on the theme "Farm" at the lesson. Petya wrote: "The cowsheds do very well in the cowsheds. They are tiled and well equipped."

At the Russian language lesson:
- Decline the word "book" in cases.
- Nominative - what? - book, parent - from what? - from paper!..

Alyonushka, what is the conjugation of the verb "learn"?
- First.
- And if you think about it?
- Second.
- So what is it?
- Third!

Volodya, when will you correct your deuce?
- I don't know, daddy, because the magazine is kept in the teachers' room!

In a geography lesson.
- Slava, where is water found in nature?
- You said it yourself - in nature.

Yura, why are you late for the lesson?
- I accidentally fell into a puddle and returned home to change and have lunch at the same time.

The teacher tells the children about Kenya, about its hot climate.
Student:
- So, there is a continuous summer?
- Yes.
- Lucky for their children - solid holidays!

Slavik was given difficult math problems at home. Mom began to help him.
The next day, my son brought a three from school for this work.
- Don't worry, Mommy! he said cheerfully. - Other parents generally got deuces!

Mom, yesterday the teacher sent Lyosha home.
- Why?
He came to school unwashed.
- It serves him right!
- And today our whole class did not wash!

Tolik, why is the teacher dissatisfied with you again? What else did you do yesterday?
- Yesterday? Didn't do anything. I wasn't even at school.

The Russian language teacher gives Vasya a task:
- Think of a sentence with the preposition "on".
- The cow climbed the tree! Vasya answers.
- Why? - the teacher is surprised.
- That there was a preposition "on"!

Two mothers of second graders are talking:
Did you do math for your son?
- Yes.
- Let me write off.

Vasya, your homework, the description of the dog, literally coincides with the work of your older sister Katya. How to understand it?
- And what's incomprehensible here? We only have one dog at home.

The geography teacher comes to the doctor.
- Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated? the doctor asks.
- Leg.
- Where?
- Northeast of the heel.

From school essays:

Andrei Bolkonsky often went to look at that oak, which he looked like like two drops of water.

All Lilliputians, young and old, rose to fight Gulliver.

We add to this list on the right, and push it on the left.

Soon Maresiev learned to fly on prostheses.

Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
What substances do not dissolve in water?
Student without hesitation
- Fish!

The father checks his son's notebook:
- I don’t understand something: it says “Cool work”, but it costs a deuce!

Mom, everyone at school teases me - they call me shampoo!
- Calm down, don't cry, do you hear, Schwarzkopf?

From school essays.

The dog was sitting in the yard, and around it was a large booth.

The calves were still stupid, uneducated.

The wolf was as hungry as an animal.

Andrei Sokolov was born for the good of the Motherland.

Time will pass, and Katerinas of both sexes will unite and sweep away the dark kingdom from the earth. And so it happened.

Morozko acts differently in this situation. Without thinking, he draws a revolver and shoots three times in the air, and then falls dead.

Korchagin even made a revolution in bed.

Nilovna worked in a factory, her husband beat her at home.

When Polovtsev took off his hat, he had a bare skull on his head, covered with sparse hair.

Zhukhrai taught Pavka: "Fighting is not harmful at all, you just need to know who to beat and why to beat." After that, Pavel's direct path to the Komsomol and the Red Army was determined.

Pierre Bezukhov is an emotional person.

The proletariat took power in order to give everyone the opportunity to feel how badly it lived before the revolution.

Onegin was very unsociable, therefore, when guests came to him, he was always given a horse to the anus.

From the lips of teachers.

If I had not made this remark, you would have been surprised if I had not made it.

Let's draw the vector invisibly.

My doves! If you are late all week on the first of March...

We will work on the contrary. Or is it all wrong for you?

First, let's check it in practice, and then we'll see how it works.

Tickets are different. One may get easier, and another easier.

Where necessary, put your initials in the correct case.

The teacher calls Kolya's dad to school:
- Your son drew such a spider that I almost fainted.

The boys are talking in the yard:
What subject do you like the most in school?
- Call.
- Great! And me too! It turns out that we are real friends!

A school year is like being pregnant. It lasts nine months, and starts to feel sick from the second week.

After the first day of school, Dima came home quiet and silent. Parents are concerned:
- Son, why are you silent? Mom asks.
- Yes, I remember my youth, - Dima is sad.

Parents spend the whole evening trying to get their son to do homework. Ivan comes up with one reason, then another. Finally, the parents run out of patience, and they themselves seat the boy at the desk.
The son exclaims, almost crying:
- Vanya, write! Vanya, read! Vanya, learn! Vanya, count! And when to live?

Dad, I broke glass at school again...
- Ugh, not a school, but some kind of greenhouse!

EXTRACTS FROM SCHOOL ESSAYS:

Onegin had a heavy heart and he went to Tatiana to relieve himself.

Lensky entered the duel in pantaloons. They dispersed and a shot rang out.

The boat came to the shore in the most impudent way...

He took a knife and shot himself.

Papa Carlo knocked out Pinocchio.

Since Pechorin is an extra person, then writing about him is a waste of time.

Onegin liked Byron, so he hung him over the bed.

Two horses entered the yard. These were the sons of Taras Bulba

Turgenev showed the woman in a more expanded form.

If you study well, Petya, dad and I will buy you a computer! Mom promises.
- What if I don't? - the boy is interested.
- Then my mother and I will buy you a piano! The father reassures his son.

Two schoolchildren are talking during the break:
- Wrote now control on anatomy. Sanka got a deuce.
- For what?
- Cheat. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.

In a history lesson.
- What event is significant in 1799?
- Pushkin was born.
- And 1812?
- Pushkin turned 13 years old!

Exam dialogue.
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that a horse one meter tall and weighing one kilogram develops.
Where did you see such a horse?
- You just can't see her. It is kept in Paris, in the Chamber of Weights and Measures.

Sidorov, name your pet four-legged friend.
- Bed!

Control. The teacher closely monitors the students and from time to time kicks out those who cheat.
The head teacher looks into the class.
- What, we write control? There must be a lot of cheaters here!
- No, amateurs are already outside the door, - the teacher answers. - Only professionals are left here.

I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!
- You're lying! Is that faster than the world record?!
- So I know the shortcut!

I gave the school 10 years of my life, and it taught me only two things: to sing and count.

An abstract concept is something that cannot be touched, but something that can be thought about. Can anyone give an example?
- Yes. Hot iron.

Exam student:
I don't think I deserve such a low rating.
Examiner:
- Me, too, but the ratings are lower, unfortunately, no.

Maryivanna, I couldn't get to school yesterday because my dad's car broke down.
- So I would come by bus, what's the problem?
But we don't have a bus...

Applicants with the first name and patronymic Maryivanna are taken to the Pedagogical University without exams.

Teacher:
- What feats have you accomplished in your life?
I once raised my hand in math class...

Do you like going to school?
- Yes, only the hours between walking are the most disgusting.

Entry in the school diary:
"Your child swallows the endings of words."
The answer of the parents: "We know, rugam."

From a school essay: "Penguins are fat swallows."

The teacher said that I knew mathematics very badly and put some number in my diary ...

There is a math test. Two students sit on the first desk: one is an excellent student, the other is a loser.
The teacher looks at them in notebooks:
- What is this?! Why do you choose one option?
The doppelgänger raises his head:
- What's the difference? The answers are still different!

The literature teacher has been working at the school for so long that many people think that Pushkin shot himself in a duel precisely because of her.

3000th year. Russian language lesson.
- Children, remember the main rule of punctuation: do not put a comma after the emoticon!

Student in class:
- I don't think I deserve this rating.
Teacher:
- Me too, but, unfortunately, not anymore.

The student answered five. The teacher asks for a diary.
“But I forgot it at home,” the student says.
- Take mine! whispers the neighbor.

The teacher says in class:
- Children, do you know that in the cold all objects shrink, and in heat, on the contrary, they increase in size? Who can give a real life example?
Masha raises her hand
- Summer holidays last longer than winter ones!

Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what number is the word trousers: singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - singular, and below - plural.

And today I was lucky in the lesson!
- Which?
- The teacher wanted to put me in a corner, but all the corners were occupied.

One very fat girl was transferred to another class, after which the school leaned in the other direction.

After exam:
- Passed?
- It seems to have passed.
- What did they ask?
- Yes, I did not understand. They asked in English...

From a school essay:
"Quietly, on tiptoe, an elephant crept through the china shop."

Teacher:
- What natural phenomena occur in winter?
- Snowmen...

In a geography lesson, a teacher asks a student:
What does the map of Italy look like?
- On a rubber boot.
- That's right, boots. Why rubber?
- Because Italy is surrounded on all sides by water.

When the teacher is silent, it is better not to interrupt him.

The teacher arranges a roll call:
- Ivanov?
- Here!
- Petrov?
- Here!
- Thirty puppies?
The student gets up.
- Yes, I'm Zoshchenkov!

From school essays: "Tatyana wrote a letter to Onegin with a declaration of love, but he immediately sent it to spam."

Schoolchildren were asked to help distribute lottery tickets.
Each was given 20 pieces. The guys went home. One of them very quickly returned and proudly declared:
- I sold all the tickets! All twenty were taken in one house.
- And how did you do it?
- Their dog bit me.

The teacher warns the students:
- Never kiss animals. It is very dangerous. Who can give an example?
“Me,” one boy stands up. - My aunt used to kiss her poodle all the time.
- And what?
- The poodle is sick.

Children, what happens if 8 is divided in half?
- If divided horizontally, then two zeros, and if vertically, then two triples.

Sasha, how are you doing with math? the father asks.
- Fine! Yesterday I got eight minus five plus two.

The teacher calls Zhenya's dad:
- Your son drew such a spider on my desk that I almost fainted.
- What's this! He drew such a crocodile in our bathroom that I jumped out through the painted door!

From a school essay:
"Pet rats are very cute as long as they don't start themselves."

Yura, name four pets, the teacher asks.
- A dog and three puppies! the student answers.

Why are you sleeping in class? - Strictly asks the teacher Sonya.
“I don’t sleep, I just blink slowly,” the student justifies herself.

Tell us, Sasha, what substances do not dissolve in water? the teacher asks.
- Fish! - decisively answers the student.

The boys are talking at the drawing lesson:
- You drew well! Well done! I even whetted my appetite.
- Appetite? From sunrise?
- And I thought that you drew scrambled eggs.

The teacher asks Yegor:
- What are the names of the three heroes from Vasnetsov's painting?
- Athos, Porthos and Aramis, - Yegor answers.

What bird doesn't nest? the teacher asks.
- Cuckoo, - confidently answers Denis.
- Why? the teacher asks for clarification.
- Because she sits in the clock.

The teacher sternly asks Andryusha:
Why does your mom always do your homework for you?
- But because dad never has time, - sad Andryusha answers.

Cyril, did you learn the poem?
- Learned. I just forgot what it's about.

Teacher:
- Lisa, show me the Yellow Sea.
- I would show, but on the map all the seas are blue.

A young teacher complains to her friend:
- One of my students completely tortured me - he makes noise, hooligans, disrupts lessons.
- Doesn't he have a single positive quality?
- Unfortunately, there is. He never misses class.

The student came to the watch shop.
- Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
- There is nowhere more reliable, - the seller answers. - First, a siren goes off, then an artillery salvo goes off, and a glass of cold water is poured onto your face. If that doesn't work, the alarm will ring the school and let you know you're sick.

In a geography lesson:
- Petrov! I asked to show the lake on the map, and you climbed the mountain.
You can see the area better from here!

Teacher to student:
- Is NOT written with the verb together or separately?
- Through the gap!

The teacher asked an essay on the topic: "If I were the director of the school."
Everyone is diligently writing, only Vasya is looking out the window.
- Why don't you write?
- I'm waiting for the secretary.

Anecdotes about the school, teachers and students.

Teacher:
- Stop passing notes to each other!
Student:
- These are not notes. We play cards.
- Ah, well then, excuse me.

Yura asks the taxi driver:
- Please drive me to school!
- Sorry, baby, but I'm going in a completely different direction.
- But it's even better! Yura rejoices.

The teacher asks the student:
- Name the capital of Norway.
- Oslo.
- And the capital of Denmark?
The student hesitates.
- Ko ... - prompts the teacher.
- Goat!

The teacher asks:
- What does the expression "The girl blushed to the roots of her hair" mean?
Student:
- That means she's dyed.

Teacher:
What role do trees play in people's lives?
Student:
- Very important! From them we learn the seasons!

The boy is taking an exam in drawing. He needs to draw a circle. He goes to the blackboard, takes the chalk, and, without taking his hands off, draws a perfect circle.
- How did you do it without a compass? - the teacher is surprised.
- And since childhood, I have been helping my mother turn the meat grinder.

You ran a hundred meters terribly slow! says the physical education teacher.
- Is there anything you can do quickly?
Student:
Yes, I get tired very quickly.

The teacher is asked:
- What are three reasons why you love your job?
- June July August...

The boy says to his grandmother:
- Grandma, are you afraid of anything?
- No, dear!
- No elephant, no lion, no crocodile?
- No, honey.
- Oh, then you can look at my diary...

Everyone in the class is in love with the excellent student Milovidova.
Petya and Vasya are talking.
- Do you know when her birthday is?
- No, but I know when it is March 8th.

The boy comes to school in the morning, but there is no school. Only the janitor sweeps in her place. The boy asks:
- And what, there will be no lessons today?
- No, the school was blown away by a hurricane.
The boy asks again:
- So, there will be no lessons today?
- I'm telling you, the school was blown away by a hurricane!
The boy is not appeased:
“Are you sure there won’t be any lessons?”
- How many times can I repeat: THE SCHOOL WAS DESTROYED BY A HURRICANE!!!
- So would listen and listen!

The teacher asks at the Russian language lesson:
- What time is it: I run, you run, he runs, they run?
Children - in chorus:
- Turn!

Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look like a black sheep!
- Yes, well, daughter, you will croak!

Teacher:
- Children, there will be a rare phenomenon tonight - an eclipse of the moon. Do not miss! Beginning at 20-15.
Vovochka:
- What program?

List of used literature:

1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Cool"
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers"
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna.
6. Cheerful magazine about animals "Toshka and company".

It's hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - another thing if we talk about how subtle it is in some faces. Humor covers all areas of activity of people.

We joke about literally everything. what we see and what is happening to us, joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations into which we fall.

The main themes of jokes loved by all children are:

• fairy tales and fairy tale characters;
• friends, brothers and sisters;
• school, study;
• animals;
• holidays.

jokes It's an energy boost for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funny jokes are related to children, they will make adults and children laugh to tears. And since the main occupation of children is study, that's all funniest kids jokes related to school, students and teachers. Everyone can cheer up themselves and their friends by enlisting a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:

• children's jokes about school;
• the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
• the latest school jokes.

Children's jokes about school

Parents ask first-graders:

— Well, how do you like the first day? Did you like school?

- The first? Don't tell me I'm going there again tomorrow!

— Sasha, name me at least one transparent object.

"Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!"

After the anatomy lesson.

- Heard that Vitya got a deuce for the control!

- Why?

- For a cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.

— Doctor, my child has strabismus.

Is it innate in him?

- No, from cheating.

- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?

- Nine.

- Listen carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much?

- Nine.

- Then it's different! I give you one watermelon, then two and four more watermelons! How?

- Eight!

- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much?

- Nine!

— Yes, why?

— Because I already have one kitten!

- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!

- Well, read what you wrote?

The son complains to his mother:

I don't want to go to school anymore!

- Why?

- Again Vasechkin will put trips, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!

“No, son, you need to go to school,” Mom says. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are the principal of the school.

- Daddy, and today at school the doctors gave us a vaccination!

“Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?”

No, they didn't catch up with me.

— To make them think that they have a holiday.

— Little Johnny What do you think is the best school?

- Closed!

The teacher asks:

- Children, do you know that all substances tend to expand in heat, and shrink in cold?

- Of course! Vovochka says. Therefore, the winter holidays are shorter than the summer ones.

- Sit down Ivanov, five! Come on diary.

- I forgot it.

- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.

- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?

- To the detachment of myopic!

“Vovochka, why are you so pale today?”

“My mother washed me yesterday.

Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:

What happened, why so late?

- A bandit attacked me!

- Oh God! And what did he do?

- Took homework...

The girl complains to her parents:

- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? No more strength!

Why didn't he please you? Won briefcase after school helps to carry.

- Yes, I'm tired: I have already accumulated about fifty of them!

The latest school jokes

On the control, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who have noticed spurs. The principal looks into the classroom.

Are you writing a control? Probably, there are a lot of cheaters here.

- No, amateurs are already in the corridor, only professionals are left.

Anatomy teacher:

What teeth are the last to appear in humans?

- Plug-in.

What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?

- Turn!

- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?

— Get a deuce?

- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.

There is a lesson. There is noise and din in the next room, the teacher cannot stand it and goes there. Grabs the most noisy by the ear, leads him to his class. Ten minutes later, the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:

“Can we have our teacher back?”

The father asks his son:

- What can I do to stop you getting F's?

"Ask the teacher not to call me!"

The teacher says:

- Everyone be quiet! To be heard as a fly flies!

Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later, Vanya breaks down and asks:

- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let the fly go?

Now let's prove the Pythagorean theorem.

Last student:

- Maybe not? We believe in the word!

Answering a question about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.

I go to school - no one ... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!

In math class:

- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes, if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?

- That is still unknown.

- Why?

“And she always bargains.

A high school student approaches his father:

Dad, they're calling you to school.

— What happened?

— So, a trifle, I broke the window.

The father went. A few days later, the son again:

"Daddy, they're calling you to school.

- What did you do again?

- Yes, the laboratory room was blown up.

The father went.

The son approaches him for the third time:

- Dad, you are again asked to go to school.

“That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!”

- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins ...

1. Two boys are talking at school: - I did homework with my mother yesterday ... Damn, she should have tortured the Germans in the war ...

2. As they say, it's never too late to learn, and if it's too late, you can turn on the lamp.

3. Mother reprimands her son's teacher:
- Well, how could you give my son a task in which a bottle of vodka costs 5 rubles? My husband could not close his eyes from excitement all night!

4. At a physical education lesson:
“So, guys, which one of you smokes?” Honestly! Dont lie! So. .. means you .. and you. .. It's clear... So, like this: you and I will smoke, the rest - five laps around the stadium.

5. - Sema, how much should your mother pay for 2 kilograms of apples, if 1 kg costs 2 rubles?
- I can’t say, Mr. Teacher, my mother always bargains.

6. Diary entry: “Your son is the only one who took vodka on a hike! … Thank you for your son!”

7. Labor teachers would never have burned that he drinks at work, if one day he did not come sober.

8. At the teacher's meeting, the teacher addresses Vovochka's mother:
- Your son drew a fly on the desk! I blew my arm off!
Mother:
- What else is that! He drew a crocodile in the bath, so I flew out of fright through the painted door!
He also drew a barrel of beer on the fence. And my father and friends stood in line for half a day.

9. The husband returned home angry and tired and says:
- It's all your fault! You send me to a parent-teacher meeting and don't say what school our son goes to.

funny jokes about school

10. The son comes home with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!

11. A boy who studied poorly, graduated from school with a red booty.

12. The inspection checks the village school. Approach the director:
- Why do your students instead of "came" and "left" say "arrived", "departed"?
- And they are so used to us.

13. Do you have a higher education? Or even two? Do your homework with a 4th grade student using modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!

14. The principal of the school catches a smoking guy in the toilet:
- Which class? The guy, releasing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!

15. Vovochka, who would you like to be?
- Lion or tiger!
- Why?
- To be afraid of me.
- Even the teacher?
- Oh no! Nothing will scare our teacher.

16. Teacher: - Children, what is five multiplied by five?
Children in chorus: - Seventy!
- Well, what are you, children! Five times five will be 25… well, 26, well, 27, well, in extreme cases, 28, but not 70!

17. New cigarettes especially for schoolchildren! "Parents Meeting", now with the taste of the belt.

18. - Children, draw a square with a side of ten centimeters!
- Maryivanna, what kind of square is this - with one side ?!

19. The teacher checked the essays and cried: now she knew how to spend the summer, but the years are not the same.