- Oh yes Munchausen! That's the baron! But he doesn't even look at them.

He calmly continues to tell how he flew to the moon, how he lived among three-legged people, how he was swallowed by a huge fish, how his head was torn off.

Once a passer-by was listening and listening to him and suddenly shouted:

- All this is fiction! There was none of what you're talking about. The old man frowned and answered importantly:

“Those counts, barons, princes and sultans, whom I had the honor to call my best friends, always said that I was the most truthful person on earth. Louder laughter all around.

- Munchausen is a truthful person! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

And Munchausen, as if nothing had happened, continued to talk about what a wonderful tree had grown on the head of a deer.

- A tree? .. On the head of a deer ?!

- Yes. Cherry. And on the cherry tree. So juicy and sweet...

All of these stories are printed here in this book. Read them and judge for yourself whether a man on earth was more truthful than Baron Munchausen.

I went to Russia on horseback. It was winter. It was snowing.

The horse was tired and began to stumble. I really wanted to sleep. I nearly fell off my seat from exhaustion. But in vain did I look for lodging for the night: on the way I did not come across a single village. What was to be done?

I had to spend the night in an open field.

There is no bush or tree around. Only a small column stuck out from under the snow.

I somehow tied my chilled horse to this post, and I myself lay down right there in the snow and fell asleep.

I slept for a long time, and when I woke up, I saw that I was not lying in a field, but in a village, or rather, in a small town, houses surrounded me on all sides.

What? Where am I? How could these houses grow here in one night?

And where did my horse go?

For a long time I did not understand what had happened. Suddenly I hear a familiar growl. This is my horse neighing.

But where is he?

The whining comes from somewhere above.

I raise my head - and what?

My horse is hanging on the roof of the bell tower! He is tied to the very cross!

In one minute, I realized what it was.

Last night, this whole town, with all the people and houses, was covered with deep snow, and only the top of the cross stuck out.

I did not know that it was a cross, it seemed to me that it was a small column, and I tied my tired horse to it! And at night, while I was sleeping, a strong thaw began, the snow melted, and I imperceptibly sank to the ground.

But my poor horse remained up there, on the roof. Tied to the cross of the bell tower, he could not descend to the ground.

What to do?

Without hesitation, I grab a pistol, aim accurately and hit right in the bridle, because I have always been an excellent shooter.

Bridle - in half.

The horse quickly comes down to me.

I jump on it and, like the wind, I jump forward.

But in winter it is inconvenient to ride a horse; it is much better to travel in a sleigh. I bought myself a very good sleigh and quickly rushed through the soft snow.

By evening I entered the forest. I was already beginning to doze, when I suddenly heard the alarming neighing of a horse. I looked back and by the light of the moon I saw a terrible wolf, which, with its wide-toothed mouth, was running after my sleigh.

There was no hope for salvation.

I lay down on the bottom of the sleigh and closed my eyes in fear.

My horse ran like crazy. The clicking of wolf teeth was heard just above my ear.

But, fortunately, the wolf did not pay any attention to me.

He jumped over the sled - right over my head - and attacked my poor horse.

In one minute the hindquarters of my horse disappeared into his voracious mouth.

The front part of horror and pain continued to gallop forward.

The wolf was eating into my horse deeper and deeper.

When I came to my senses, I grabbed the whip and, without losing a moment, began to whip the insatiable beast.

He howled and rushed forward.

The front part of the horse, not yet eaten by the wolf, fell out of the harness into the snow, and the wolf was in its place - in shafts and in a horse harness!

He could not break out of this harness: he was harnessed like a horse.

I kept hitting him with all my might.

He raced on and on, dragging my sleigh behind him.

We rushed so fast that in two or three hours we galloped into Petersburg.

The astonished residents of St. Petersburg ran out in droves to look at the hero, who, instead of a horse, harnessed a ferocious wolf to his sleigh. I had a good life in St. Petersburg.

I often went hunting and now I recall with pleasure that merry time when so many wonderful stories happened to me almost every day.

One story was very funny.

The fact is that from the window of my bedroom I could see a vast pond, where there was a lot of all kinds of game.

One morning, going to the window, I noticed wild ducks on the pond.

Instantly I grabbed a gun and ran headlong out of the house.

But in a hurry, running down the stairs, I hit my head on the door, so hard that sparks fell from my eyes.

It didn't stop me.

Run home for flint?

But ducks can fly away.

I sadly lowered my gun, cursing my fate, and suddenly a brilliant thought occurred to me.

With all my might, I punched myself in the right eye. Of course, sparks fell from the eye, and the gunpowder flared up at the same moment.

Yes! The gunpowder caught fire, the gun fired, and I killed ten excellent ducks with one shot.

I advise you, whenever you decide to kindle a fire, to get the same sparks from your right eye.

However, with me there were also more amusing cases. Once I spent the whole day hunting, and towards evening I came across a vast lake in a deep forest, which was full of wild ducks. I have never seen so many ducks in my life!

Unfortunately, I didn't have a single bullet left.

And just this evening I was expecting a large group of friends to my place, and I wanted to treat them to game. I am generally a hospitable and generous person. My lunches and dinners were famous throughout St. Petersburg. How will I get home without ducks?

For a long time I stood in indecision and suddenly remembered that there was a piece of lard left in my hunting bag.

Hooray! This fat will be an excellent bait. I take it out of the bag, quickly tie it to a long and thin string and throw it into the water.

Ducks, seeing the food, immediately swim up to the fat. One of them greedily swallows it.

But the fat is slippery and, quickly passing through the duck, jumps out behind her!

Thus, the duck is on my string.

Then a second duck swims up to the fat, and the same thing happens to it.

Duck after duck swallow the fat and put it on my twine like beads on a string. Not even ten minutes pass, as all the ducks are strung on it.

You can imagine how much fun it was for me to look at such a rich booty! I had only to pull out the caught ducks and take them to my cook in the kitchen.

That will be a feast for my friends!

But dragging this many ducks was not so easy.

I took a few steps and was terribly tired. Suddenly - you can imagine my amazement! - the ducks flew into the air and lifted me to the clouds.

Another in my place would be confused, but I am a brave and resourceful person. I arranged a rudder out of my coat and, steering the ducks, quickly flew towards the house.

But how do you get down?

Very simple! My resourcefulness helped me here too.

I twisted the heads of several ducks and we began to slowly sink to the ground.

I hit the chimney of my own kitchen! If only you could see how amazed my cook was when I appeared in front of him in the hearth!

Luckily, the cook hadn't had time to start the fire yet.

Oh, resourcefulness is a great thing! Once I happened to shoot seven partridges with one shot. After that, even my enemies could not but admit that I was the first shooter in the whole world, that there had never been such a shooter as Munchausen!

Here is how it was.

I came back from hunting with all my bullets gone. Suddenly, seven partridges fluttered out from under my feet. Of course, I could not allow such excellent game to escape me.

I loaded my gun - what do you think? - a ramrod! Yes, with the most ordinary ramrod, that is, with an iron round stick, which is used to clean a gun!

Then I ran up to the partridges, scared them off and fired.

Partridges took off one after another, and my ramrod pierced seven at once. All seven partridges fell at my feet!

I picked them up and was amazed to see that they were fried! Yes, they were fried!

However, it could not be otherwise: after all, my ramrod was very hot from the shot and the partridges, hitting it, could not help but fry.

I sat down on the grass and immediately dined with great appetite.

Yes, resourcefulness is the most important thing in life, and there was no person in the world more resourceful than Baron Munchausen.

Once in a Russian dense forest I came across a silver fox.

The skin of this fox was so good that I felt sorry to spoil it with a bullet or shot.

Without a moment's hesitation, I took a bullet out of the gun barrel and, loading the gun with a long shoe needle, shot at this fox. As she stood under the tree, the needle firmly nailed her tail to the very trunk.

I slowly approached the fox and began to whip it with a whip.

She was so dazed from the pain that - would you believe it? - jumped out of her skin and ran away from me naked. And I got the whole skin, not spoiled by a bullet or shot.

Yes, there have been a lot of amazing things that have happened to me!

Once I make my way through the thicket of a dense forest and see: a wild piglet is running, still very small, and behind the piglet is a big pig.

I fired, but, alas, I missed.

My bullet flew right between the piglet and the pig. The pig squealed and darted into the forest, but the pig remained in place as if rooted to the spot.

I was surprised: why is she not running away from me? But as I got closer, I realized what it was. The pig was blind and did not understand the road. She could walk through the forests only by holding on to the tail of her pig.

My bullet tore off that tail. The pig ran away, and the pig, left without him, did not know where to go. She stood helplessly, holding a piece of his tail in her teeth. Then a brilliant idea occurred to me. I grabbed this tail and led the pig to my kitchen. The poor blind woman meekly followed me, thinking that she was still being led by a pig!

Yes, I must repeat once again that resourcefulness is a great thing!

Another time I came across a wild boar in the forest. Dealing with it was much more difficult. I didn't even have a gun with me.

I started to run, but he rushed after me like a madman and would certainly have pierced me with his fangs if I had not hidden behind the first oak tree that came across.

A wild boar ran into an oak tree, and its fangs sank so deep into the trunk of the tree that it could not pull them out.

- Yeah, got it, my dear! - I said, coming out from behind the oak. - Wait a minute! Now you won't leave me!

And, taking a stone, I began to hammer sharp fangs even deeper into the tree so that the boar could not free himself, and then tied him up with a strong rope and, having put him on a cart, took him to my home with triumph.

The other hunters were surprised! They could not even imagine that such a ferocious beast could be caught alive without spending a single charge.

However, miracles and cleaner ones happened to me. I was walking through the woods and helping myself to sweet, juicy cherries that I bought along the way.

And suddenly, right in front of me - a deer! Slender, beautiful, with huge branched horns!

And, as luck would have it, I didn't have a single bullet!

The deer stands and calmly looks at me, as if he knows that my gun is not loaded.

Fortunately, I had a few more cherries left, and I loaded the gun with a cherry stone instead of a bullet. Yes, yes, don't laugh, an ordinary cherry pit.

A shot rang out, but the deer only shook its head. The bone hit him in the forehead and did no harm. In an instant, he disappeared into the forest thicket.

I was very sorry that I missed such a beautiful beast.

A year later, I hunted again in the same forest. Of course, by that time I had completely forgotten about the story with the cherry pit.

Imagine my amazement when a magnificent deer jumped out of the thicket of the forest right at me, with a tall, spreading cherry tree growing between its horns! Oh, believe me, it was very beautiful: a slender deer and a slender tree on his head! I immediately guessed that this tree had grown from that small bone that had served as a bullet for me last year. This time I had no shortage of charges. I took aim, fired, and the deer fell dead to the ground. Thus, with one shot, I immediately got both roast and cherry compote, because the tree was covered with large, ripe cherries.

I must confess that I have never tasted more delicious cherries in my entire life.

I don’t know why, but it often happened to me that I met the most ferocious and dangerous animals at a moment when I was unarmed and helpless.

I am walking through the forest, and a wolf is meeting me. He opened his mouth - and straight to me.

What to do? Run? But the wolf has already attacked me, knocked me over and will now gnaw my throat. Another in my place would be confused, but you know Baron Munchausen! I am determined, resourceful and brave. Without a moment's hesitation, I put my fist into the wolf's mouth and, so that he would not bite off my hand, stuck it deeper and deeper. The wolf glared at me. His eyes sparkled with rage. But I knew that if I pulled my hand out, he would tear me into small pieces, and therefore fearlessly stuck it further and further. And suddenly a magnificent thought occurred to me: I grabbed his insides, pulled hard and turned him inside out like a mitten!

Of course, after such an operation, he fell dead at my feet.

I made an excellent warm jacket from his skin and, if you do not believe me, I will gladly show it to you.

However, in my life there have been events more terrible than meeting with wolves.

Once a rabid dog chased me.

I rushed from her with all legs.

But I had a heavy fur coat on my shoulders, which prevented me from running.

I dropped it on the run, ran into the house and slammed the door behind me. The fur coat remained on the street.

The mad dog pounced on her and began to bite her with fury. My servant ran out of the house, picked up a fur coat and hung it in the closet where my clothes hung.

The next day, early in the morning, he runs into my bedroom and shouts in a frightened voice:

- Get up! Get up! Your fur coat is furious!

I jump out of bed, open the closet, and what do I see?! All my dresses are torn to shreds!

The servant turned out to be right: my poor fur coat was furious, because yesterday it was bitten by a rabid dog.

The fur coat furiously attacked my new uniform, and only shreds flew from it.

I grabbed the gun and fired.

The mad fur coat instantly calmed down. Then I ordered my men to tie it up and hang it in a separate closet.

Since then, it has not bitten anyone, and I put it on without any fear.

Yes, many wonderful stories happened to me in Russia.

Once I was chasing an extraordinary hare.

The hare was remarkably fast. He jumps forward and forward - and at least sat down to rest.

For two days I chased him without dismounting from the saddle, and could not overtake him.

My faithful dog Dianka did not lag behind him a single step, but I could not get close to him at a distance of a shot.

On the third day, I still managed to shoot that damned hare.

As soon as he fell on the grass, I jumped off my horse and rushed to examine him.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that this hare, in addition to his usual legs, also had spare ones. He had four legs on his stomach and four on his back!

Yes, he had excellent, strong legs on his back! When his lower legs got tired, he rolled over on his back, belly up, and continued to run on spare legs.

No wonder I chased him like a madman for three days!

Unfortunately, while chasing the eight-legged hare, my faithful dog was so tired from the three-day chase that he fell to the ground and died an hour later.

Since then, I no longer need a gun or a dog.

Whenever I'm in the woods, my jacket pulls me to where the wolf or the hare is hiding.

When I approach the game within shooting distance, a button comes off the jacket and, like a bullet, flies straight into the beast! The beast falls on the spot, killed by the amazing button.

This jacket is still on me.

You don't seem to believe me, are you smiling? But look here and you will see that I am telling you the purest truth: can't you see with your own eyes that now there are only two buttons left on my jacket? When I go hunting again, I will sew at least three dozen on it.

Here other hunters will envy me!

I don't think I've told you anything about my horses yet? In the meantime, many wonderful stories have happened to me and to them.

It was in Lithuania. I was visiting a friend who was passionately fond of horses.

And so, when he showed the guests his best horse, which he was especially proud of, the horse broke off the bridle, knocked over four grooms and rushed around the yard like crazy.

Everyone fled in fear.

Not a single daredevil was found who would dare to approach the enraged animal.

Only I alone did not lose my head, because, having amazing courage, I have been able to curb the wildest horses since childhood.

With one jump, I jumped the horse onto the ridge and instantly tamed it. Immediately feeling my strong hand, he submitted to me like a small child. In triumph, I traveled all over the courtyard, and suddenly I wanted to show my art to the ladies who were sitting at the tea table.

How to do it?

Very simple! I directed my horse to the window and, like a whirlwind, flew into the dining room.

The ladies were very scared at first. But I made the horse jump onto the tea table and galloped so skillfully among the glasses and cups that I did not break a single glass, not a single smallest saucer.

The ladies liked it very much; they began to laugh and clap their hands, and my friend, fascinated by my amazing dexterity, asked me to accept this magnificent horse as a gift.

I was very pleased with his gift, as I was going to war and had been looking for a horse for a long time.

An hour later, I was already racing on a new horse in the direction of Turkey, where fierce battles were going on at that time.

In battles, of course, I was distinguished by desperate courage and ran into the enemy ahead of everyone.

Once, after a heated battle with the Turks, we captured an enemy fortress. I was the first to burst into it and, having driven all the Turks out of the fortress, I galloped to the well to water the hot horse. The horse drank and could not quench his thirst. Several hours passed, and he still did not come off the well. What a miracle! I was amazed. But suddenly I heard a strange splash behind me.

I looked back and nearly fell off my saddle in surprise.

It turned out that the entire back of my horse was cut off cleanly and the water he drank poured freely behind him without lingering in his stomach! This created a vast lake behind me. I was stunned. What's the oddity?

But then one of my soldiers galloped up to me, and the riddle was instantly explained.

When I was galloping after the enemies and broke into the gates of the enemy fortress, the Turks just at that moment slammed this gate and cut off the back half of my horse. It's like being cut in half! This rear half remained for some time near the gate, kicking and dispersing the Turks with hoof strikes, and then galloped off to a nearby meadow.

- She is grazing there now! the soldier told me.

- Does it graze? Can't be!

- See for yourself.

I rushed on the front half of the horse towards the meadow. There I actually found the rear half of the horse. She peacefully grazed on a green glade.

I immediately sent for a military doctor, and he, without thinking twice, sewed both halves of my horse together with thin laurel rods, since he did not have any thread at hand.

Both halves grew together perfectly, and the laurel branches took root in the body of my horse, and a month later a bower of laurel branches formed over my saddle.

Sitting in this cozy gazebo, I accomplished many amazing feats.

However, during the war I happened to ride not only on horses, but also on cannonballs.

It happened like this.

We were besieging some Turkish city, and our commander needed to find out if there were many guns in that city.

But in our entire army there was not a brave man who would agree to sneak into the enemy camp unnoticed.

Of course, I was the bravest of all.

I stood next to a huge cannon that was firing at the Turkish city, and when a cannonball flew out of the cannon, I jumped on top of it and dashed forward. Everyone exclaimed with one voice:

“Bravo, bravo, Baron Munchausen!”

At first I flew with pleasure, but when the enemy city appeared in the distance, disturbing thoughts seized me.

“Hm! I said to myself. - You will probably fly in, but will you be able to get out of there? Enemies will not stand on ceremony with you, they will seize you as a spy and hang you on the nearest gallows. No, dear Munchausen, you must return before it's too late!

At that moment, an oncoming cannonball, launched by the Turks into our camp, flew past me.

Without thinking twice, I got on it and, as if nothing had happened, rushed back.

Of course, during the flight, I carefully counted all the Turkish guns and brought my commander the most accurate information about the enemy artillery.

In general, during this war I had many adventures.

Once, fleeing from the Turks, I tried to jump over the swamp on horseback. But the horse did not jump to the shore, and with a running start we plopped into the liquid mud.

They flopped and began to sink. There was no salvation.

The swamp sucked us deeper and deeper with terrible speed. Now the whole body of my horse was hidden in the fetid mud, now my head began to sink into the swamp, and only the braid of my wig sticks out from there.

What was to be done? We would certainly have perished if not for the amazing strength of my hands. I am a terrible strong man. Grabbing myself by this pigtail, I pulled it up with all my might and without much difficulty pulled both myself and my horse out of the swamp, which I tightly squeezed with both legs, like tongs.

Yes, I have lifted both myself and my horse, and if you think it's easy, try it yourself.

But neither strength nor courage saved me from terrible misfortune.

Once, during a battle, the Turks surrounded me, and although I fought like a tiger, I was nevertheless captured by them.

They tied me up and sold me into slavery.

Dark days have begun for me. True, the work they gave me was not difficult, but rather boring and annoying: I was appointed a bee shepherd. Every morning I had to drive the sultan bees to the lawn, graze them all day, and drive them back to the hives in the evening.

At first everything went well, but then one day, counting my bees, I noticed that one was missing.

I went to look for her and soon saw that she was attacked by two huge bears, who obviously wanted to tear her in two and feast on her sweet honey.

I had no weapons with me, only a small silver hatchet.

I swung and threw this hatchet at the greedy animals to frighten them and free the poor bee. The bears rushed to run, and the bee was saved. But, unfortunately, I did not calculate the scope of my mighty arm and threw the hatchet with such force that it flew to the moon. Yes, to the moon. You shake your head and laugh, and at that time I was not in the mood for laughter.

I thought. What should I do? Where to get such a long ladder to get to the moon itself?

Fortunately, I remembered that in Turkey there is such a garden vegetable that grows very quickly and sometimes grows to the very sky.

These are Turkish beans. Without a moment's hesitation, I planted one of these beans in the ground, and it immediately began to grow.

He grew higher and higher and soon reached the moon!

- Hooray! I exclaimed and climbed up the stem.

An hour later I was on the moon.

It was not easy for me to find my silver hatchet on the moon. The moon is silver, and the silver hatchet is not visible on silver. But in the end, I still found my hatchet on a pile of rotten straw.

I gladly put it in my belt and wanted to go down to Earth.

But no luck: the sun dried up my beanstalk and it crumbled into small pieces!

Seeing this, I almost cried from grief.

What to do? What to do? Am I never to return to Earth? Am I really going to stay all my life on this hateful moon? Oh no! Never! I ran up to the straw and began to twist a rope out of it. The rope came out not long, but what a disaster! I started walking down it. With one hand I glided along the rope, and with the other I held the hatchet.

But soon the rope ended, and I hung in the air, between heaven and earth. It was terrible, but I didn't lose my head. Without thinking twice, I grabbed an ax and, firmly grasping the lower end of the rope, cut off its upper end and tied it to the lower one. This gave me the opportunity to descend lower to the Earth.

But still, the Earth was far away. Many times I had to cut off the top half of the rope and tie it to the bottom. At last I descended so low that I could see the houses and palaces of the city. Earth was only three or four miles away.

And suddenly - oh horror! - the rope broke. I hit the ground with such force that I cut a hole at least half a mile deep.

When I came to my senses, I did not know for a long time how to get out of this deep hole. The whole day I did not eat, did not drink, but kept thinking and thinking. And finally he thought of it: he dug steps with his nails and climbed up this ladder to the surface of the earth.

Oh, Munchausen will not disappear anywhere!

The experience gained by such hard work makes a person smarter.

After my trip to the moon, I figured out a more convenient way to rid my bees of bears.

In the evening I smeared the shafts of the carts with honey and hid nearby.

As soon as it got dark, a huge bear crept up to the cart and began to greedily lick the honey that covered the shafts. The glutton was so carried away by this delicacy that he did not notice how the shaft entered his throat, and then into his stomach, and finally crawled out behind him. This is just what I was waiting for.

I ran up to the cart and drove a thick and long nail into the shaft behind the bear! The bear turned out to be wearing a shaft. Now he can't slip back and forth. In this position, I left him until the morning.

In the morning, the Turkish Sultan himself heard about this trick and came to look at the bear caught with the help of such an amazing trick. He looked at him for a long time and laughed until he dropped.

Soon the Turks released me and sent me back to Petersburg together with other prisoners.

But I decided to leave Russia, got into a carriage and drove home. The winter that year was very cold. Even the sun caught a cold, frostbitten his cheeks, and he got a runny nose. And when the sun has a cold, instead of heat comes cold. You can imagine how cold I was in my carriage! The road was narrow. There were fences on both sides.

I ordered my coachman to blow his horn so that the oncoming carriages would wait for our passage, because on such a narrow road we could not pass.

The coachman carried out my order. He took the horn and began to blow. He blew, blew, blew, but not a sound came out of the horn! In the meantime, a large carriage was coming towards us.

Nothing to do, I get out of the carriage and harness my horses. Then I put the carriage on my shoulders - and the carriage is heavily loaded! - and with one jump I transfer the carriage back to the road, but already behind the carriage.

It was not easy even for me, and you know what a strong man I am.

After a little rest, I return to my horses, take them under my arms and carry them to the carriage with the same two jumps.

During these jumps, one of my horses began to kick frantically.

It was not very convenient, but I put her hind legs in the pocket of my coat, and she had to calm down.

Then I harnessed the horses to the carriage and calmly drove to the nearest hotel.

It was nice to warm up after such a severe frost and relax after such hard work!

My coachman hung a horn not far from the stove, and he himself came up to me, and we began to talk peacefully.

And suddenly the horn played:

“Tru-tutu! Tra-tata! Ra-rara!

We were very surprised, but at that moment I understood why in the cold it was impossible to make a single sound from this horn, but in the warmth it began to play by itself.

In the cold, the sounds froze in the horn, and now, having warmed up by the stove, they thawed and began to fly out of the horn on their own.

The coachman and I enjoyed this charming music throughout the evening.

But please don't think that I traveled only through forests and fields.

No, I happened to swim across the seas and oceans more than once, and there were adventures with me that did not happen to anyone.

We went once in India on a big ship. The weather was great. But when we were anchoring off some island, a hurricane came up. The storm hit with such force that it tore out several thousand (yes, several thousand!) Trees on the island and carried them straight to the clouds.

Huge trees, weighing hundreds of pounds, flew so high above the ground that from below they looked like some kind of feathers.

And as soon as the storm was over, every tree fell to its former place and immediately took root, so that no trace of the hurricane remained on the island. Amazing trees, right?

However, one tree never returned to its place. The fact is that when it took off into the air, on its branches there was one poor peasant with his wife.

Why did they climb up there? Very simple: to pick cucumbers, because in that area cucumbers grow on trees.

The inhabitants of the island love cucumbers more than anything in the world and eat nothing else. This is their only food.

The poor peasants, caught up in the storm, involuntarily had to make an air journey under the clouds.

When the storm subsided, the tree began to sink to the ground. The peasant and the peasant woman were, as if on purpose, very fat, they tilted him with their weight, and the tree fell not where it had grown before, but to the side, moreover, it flew into the local king and, fortunately, crushed him like a bug.

- Luckily? - you ask. Why, fortunately?

Because this king was cruel and brutally tortured all the inhabitants of the island.

The inhabitants were very glad that their tormentor had died, and offered the crown to me:

“Please, good Munchausen, be our king.” Do us a favor, reign over us. You are so wise and brave.

But I flatly refused, because I do not like cucumbers.

When the storm was over, we weighed anchor, and two weeks later arrived safely in Ceylon.

The eldest son of the Ceylon governor offered me to go hunting with him.

I agreed with great pleasure. We went to the nearest forest. The heat was terrible, and I must confess that, out of habit, I got tired very soon.

And the governor's son, a strong young man, felt great in this heat. He has lived in Ceylon since childhood.

The Ceylon sun was nothing to him, and he walked briskly on the hot sands.

I lagged behind him and soon got lost in the thicket of an unfamiliar forest. I go and hear a rustle. I look around: in front of me is a huge lion, which has opened its mouth and wants to tear me to pieces. What to do here? My gun was loaded with small shot, which will not kill even a partridge. I fired, but the shot only irritated the ferocious beast, and it attacked me with redoubled fury.

Terrified, I rushed to run, knowing that it was in vain, that the monster would overtake me with one jump and tear me to pieces. But where am I running? In front of me, a huge crocodile opened its mouth, ready to swallow me at that very moment.

What to do? What to do?

Behind - a lion, in front - a crocodile, on the left - a lake, on the right - a swamp teeming with poisonous snakes.

In mortal fear, I fell on the grass and, closing my eyes, prepared for inevitable death. And suddenly something seemed to roll over my head and crash. I half opened my eyes and saw an amazing sight that gave me great joy: it turns out that a lion, having rushed at me at the moment when I fell to the ground, flew over me and landed right into the mouth of a crocodile!

The head of one monster was in the throat of another, and both strained with all their strength to free themselves from each other.

I jumped up, pulled out a hunting knife and cut off the head of a lion with one blow.

A lifeless body fell at my feet. Then, wasting no time, I grabbed my gun and with the rifle butt began to drive the head of the lion even deeper into the mouth of the crocodile, so that he finally suffocated.

The returned son of the governor congratulated me on my victory over the two forest giants.

You can understand that after that I did not like Ceylon very much.

I boarded a warship and went to America, where there are neither crocodiles nor lions.

We sailed for ten days without incident, but suddenly, not far from America, a disaster happened to us: we ran into an underwater rock.

The blow was so strong that the sailor sitting on the mast was thrown into the sea for three miles.

Fortunately, falling into the water, he managed to grab the beak of a red heron flying past and the heron helped him to hold out on the surface of the sea until we picked him up.

We hit the rock so unexpectedly that I could not stand on my feet: I was thrown up and hit my head on the ceiling of my cabin.

From this my head fell into my stomach, and only over the course of several months did I manage to gradually pull it out by the hair.

The rock we hit was not a rock at all.

It was a whale of colossal proportions, which was dozing peacefully on the water.

Having run into him, we woke him up, and he became so angry that he grabbed our ship by the anchor with his teeth and dragged us around the ocean all day, from morning to night.

Fortunately, in the end the anchor chain broke and we freed ourselves from the whale.

On the way back from America, we met this whale again. He was dead and lying on the water, occupying half a mile with his carcass. There was nothing to think about to drag this hulk onto the ship. Therefore, we cut off only the head from the whale. And what was our joy when, dragging it onto the deck, we found in the monster's mouth our anchor and forty meters of the ship's chain, which all fit in one hole in its rotten tooth!

But our joy did not last long. We found that our ship has a large hole. The water rushed into the hold.

The ship began to sink.

Everyone was confused, screamed, cried, but I quickly figured out what to do. Without even taking off my pants, I sat right in the hole and plugged it with my butt.

The flow has stopped.

The ship was saved.

A week later we arrived in Italy.

It was a sunny, clear day, and I went to the Mediterranean coast to swim. The water was warm. I am an excellent swimmer and swam far from the shore.

Suddenly I see - a huge fish with a wide open mouth is swimming right at me! What was to be done? It is impossible to escape from her, and therefore I huddled into a ball and rushed into her gaping mouth in order to quickly slip past sharp teeth and immediately find myself in the stomach.

Not everyone would come up with such a witty cunning, but I am generally a witty person and, as you know, very resourceful.

The fish's stomach was dark, but warm and cozy.

I began to walk in this darkness, to walk back and forth, and soon noticed that the fish did not like it very much. Then I began deliberately stomping my feet, jumping and dancing like crazy in order to torture her well.

The fish screamed in pain and stuck its huge snout out of the water.

Soon she was spotted from an Italian ship passing by.

This is what I wanted! The sailors killed her with a harpoon, and then dragged her onto their deck and began to consult on how best to cut the unusual fish.

I sat inside and, to be honest, I was trembling with fear: I was afraid that these people would not cut me up along with the fish.

How terrible it would be!

But, fortunately, their axes did not hit me. As soon as the first light flashed, I began to shout in a loud voice in the purest Italian (oh, I know Italian perfectly!), That I am glad to see these good people who freed me from my stuffy dungeon.

Their astonishment increased even more when I jumped out of the fish's mouth and greeted them with a kind bow.

The ship that saved me was heading for the capital of Turkey.

The Italians, among whom I now found myself, immediately saw that I was a wonderful person, and offered me to stay on the ship with them. I agreed, and a week later we landed on the Turkish coast.

The Turkish Sultan, having learned about my arrival, of course, invited me to dine. He met me on the threshold of his palace and said:

“I am happy, my dear Munchausen, that I can welcome you to my ancient capital. I hope you are in good health? I know all your great deeds, and I would like to entrust you with one difficult task that no one can handle except you, because you are the most intelligent and resourceful person on earth. Could you go to Egypt immediately?

- With joy! I replied. I love traveling so much that I’m ready to go to the ends of the world even now!

The Sultan was very pleased with my answer, and he entrusted me with an assignment that must remain a secret for all eternity, and therefore I cannot tell you what it consisted of. Yes, yes, the Sultan entrusted me with a great secret, because he knew that I was the most reliable person in the whole world. I bowed and immediately set off.

As soon as I drove away from the Turkish capital, I came across a small man running with unusual speed. A heavy weight was tied to each of his legs, and yet he flew like an arrow.

- Where are you going? I asked him. “And why did you tie these weights to your legs?” After all, they prevent you from running!

“Three minutes ago I was in Vienna,” the little man answered as he ran, “and now I’m going to Constantinople to look for some work for myself.” I hung the weights at my feet so as not to run too fast, because I have nowhere to hurry.

I really liked this amazing runner, and I took him to my service. He willingly followed me.

The next day, by the road itself, we noticed a man who was lying face down with his ear to the ground.

- What are you doing here? I asked him.

Listen to the grass growing in the field! he replied.

- And do you hear?

- I can hear you very well! For me, this is a real trifle!

“In that case, enter my service, my dear.” Your sensitive ears can be useful to me on the road.

Soon I saw a hunter who had a gun in his hands.

“Listen,” I turned to him. Who are you shooting at? No animal or bird is seen anywhere.

“A sparrow was sitting on the roof of the belfry in Berlin, and I hit him right in the eye.

You know how much I love hunting. I hugged the marksman and invited him to my service. He gladly followed me.

Having traveled through many countries and cities, we approached a vast forest. We look at the road there is a man of enormous growth and holds a rope in his hands, which he threw in a loop around the entire forest.

- What are you carrying? I asked him.

“Yes, I needed to chop wood, but I left the ax at home,” he answered. - I want to contrive to do without an axe.

He pulled the rope, and huge oaks, like thin blades of grass, flew into the air and fell to the ground.

Of course, I did not spare the money and immediately invited this strong man to my service.

When we arrived in Egypt, such a terrible storm arose that all our carriages and horses rushed head over heels along the road.

In the distance we saw seven windmills, the wings of which were spinning like crazy. And on a hillock lay a man and pinched his left nostril with his finger. Seeing us, he greeted me courteously, and the storm stopped in an instant.

- What are you doing here? I asked.

“I turn my master’s mills,” he replied. - And so that they do not break, I do not blow too hard: only from one nostril.

“This man will come in handy for me,” I thought, and offered him to go with me.

In Egypt, I soon completed all the instructions of the Sultan. My resourcefulness helped me here too. A week later, I, along with my extraordinary servants, returned to the capital of Turkey.

The Sultan was glad of my return and praised me very much for my successful actions in Egypt.

“You are smarter than all my ministers, dear Munchausen! he said, shaking my hand firmly. “Come and have dinner with me today!”

The dinner was very tasty - but alas! There was no wine on the table, because the Turks are forbidden by law to drink wine. I was very upset, and the Sultan, in order to console me, took me to his office after dinner, opened a secret closet and took out a bottle.

- You have not tasted such excellent wine in your whole life, my dear Munchausen! he said, pouring me a full glass.

The wine was really good. But after the very first sip, I declared that in China, the Chinese Bogdykhan Fu Chang has even purer wine than this.

- My dear Munchausen! exclaimed the Sultan. - I used to believe your every word, because you are the most truthful person on earth, but I swear that now you are telling a lie: there is no better wine than this!

- I'll show you what happens!

- Munchausen, you are talking nonsense!

- No, I am telling the absolute truth and I undertake exactly in an hour to deliver you from the Bogdykhan cellar a bottle of such wine, in comparison with which your wine is miserable sourness.

- Munchausen, you are forgetting! I have always considered you one of the most truthful people on earth, and now I see that you are an unscrupulous liar.

“If so, I demand that you make sure immediately that I am telling the truth!”

- I agree! the Sultan replied. “If by four o’clock you don’t bring me a bottle of the best wine in the world from China, I will have your head cut off.”

- Excellent! I exclaimed. - I agree to your terms. But if by four o'clock this wine is on your table, you will give me as much gold from your pantry as one person can carry at a time.

The Sultan agreed. I wrote a letter to the Chinese Bogdykhan and asked him to give me a bottle of the same wine that he treated me to three years ago.

“If you refuse my request,” I wrote, “your friend Munchausen will die at the hands of the executioner.”

By the time I finished writing, it was already five past three.

I called my runner and sent him to the Chinese capital. He untied the weights hanging from his legs, took the letter, and in an instant disappeared from sight.

I returned to the Sultan's office. In anticipation of the runner, we drained the bottle we started to the bottom.

It struck a quarter past three, then half past three, then three quarter past three, and my runner didn't show up.

I felt somehow uneasy, especially when I noticed that the Sultan was holding a bell in his hands to ring and call the executioner.

“Let me go out into the garden for some fresh air!” I said to the Sultan.

- Please! replied the Sultan with the most gracious smile. But, going out into the garden, I saw that some people were following me on my heels, not retreating a single step from me.

They were the Sultan's executioners, ready to pounce on me at any moment and cut off my poor head.

In desperation, I glanced at my watch. Five minutes to four! Do I only have five minutes left to live! Oh, it's too terrible! I called my servant, the one who heard the grass growing in the field, and asked him if he heard the tramp of the feet of my runner. He put his ear to the ground and informed me, to my great sorrow, that the idler was fast asleep!

- Asleep?!

- Yes, I fell asleep. I can hear him snoring far, far away.

My legs buckled in fear. Another minute - and I will die an inglorious death.

I called another servant, the same one who was aiming at the sparrow, and he immediately climbed the highest tower and, rising on tiptoe, began to peer into the distance.

- Well, do you see the villain? – I asked, choking with anger.

- See see! He is lounging on a lawn under an oak tree near Beijing and snoring. And next to him is a bottle ... But wait, I'll wake you up!

He fired at the top of the oak tree under which the walker was sleeping.

Acorns, leaves and branches fell on the sleeping man and woke him up.

The speed walker jumped up, rubbed his eyes and rushed to run like a madman.

It was only half a minute before four o'clock when he flew into the palace with a bottle of Chinese wine.

You can imagine how great was my joy! After tasting the wine, the Sultan was delighted and exclaimed:

- Dear Munchausen! Let me hide this bottle away from you. I want to drink it alone. I had no idea that such a sweet and delicious wine existed in the world.

He locked the bottle in the cupboard and put the keys to the cupboard in his pocket and ordered the treasurer to be called immediately.

“I allow my friend Munchausen to take from my storerooms as much gold as one person can carry at a time,” said the Sultan.

The treasurer bowed low to the Sultan and led me into the dungeons of the palace, filled to the brim with treasures.

I called my strongman. He shouldered all the gold that was in the sultan's pantries, and we ran to the sea. There I hired a huge ship and loaded it to the top with gold.

Raising the sails, we hurried out to the open sea until the Sultan came to his senses and took his treasures from me.

But something happened that I was so afraid of. As soon as we left the shore, the treasurer ran to his master and told him that I had completely robbed his pantries. The Sultan became furious and sent his entire navy after me.

Seeing a lot of warships, I must admit, I was seriously scared.

“Well, Munchausen,” I said to myself, “your last hour has come. Now you won't be saved. All your cunning won't help you."

I felt that my head, which had just been fixed on my shoulders, was again, as it were, separated from the body.

Suddenly, my servant approached me, the one with powerful nostrils.

Don't be afraid, they won't catch up with us! - he said with a laugh, ran aft and, directing one nostril against the Turkish fleet, and the other against our sails, raised such a terrible wind that the entire Turkish fleet flew back from us back to the harbor in one minute.

And our ship, driven by my mighty servant, quickly rushed forward and reached Italy in a day.

In Italy, I made a fortune as a rich man, but a calm, peaceful life was not for me.

I longed for new adventures and exploits.

Therefore, I was very happy when I heard that a new war had broken out not far from Italy, the British were fighting the Spaniards. Without a moment's hesitation, I jumped on my horse and rushed to the battlefield.

The Spaniards then besieged the English fortress of Gibraltar, I immediately made my way to the besieged.

The general who commanded the fortress was a good friend of mine. He received me with open arms and began to show me the fortifications he had erected, because he knew that I could give him practical and useful advice.

Standing on the wall of Gibraltar, I saw through a telescope that the Spaniards were pointing the muzzle of their cannon exactly at the place where we both stood.

Without a moment's hesitation, I ordered that a huge cannon be placed on this very spot.

- Why? the general asked.

- You'll see! I replied.

As soon as the cannon was rolled up to me, I directed its muzzle directly into the muzzle of the enemy cannon, and when the Spanish gunner brought a fuse to his cannon, I loudly commanded:

Both guns fired at the same moment.

What I expected happened: at the point I had planned, two cannonballs - ours and the enemy's - collided with a terrifying force, and the enemy's cannonball flew back.

Imagine: it flew back to the Spaniards.

It tore off the head of a Spanish gunner and sixteen Spanish soldiers.

It knocked down the masts of three ships that were in the Spanish harbor, and rushed straight to Africa.

After flying another two hundred and fourteen miles, it fell on the roof of a squalid peasant shack, where some old woman lived. The old woman lay on her back and slept, and her mouth was open. The core made a hole in the roof, hit the sleeping woman right in the mouth, knocked out her last teeth and got stuck in her throat - neither here nor there!

Her husband ran into the shack, a hot and resourceful man. He put his hand down her throat and tried to pull out the core, but it did not budge.

Then he brought a good pinch of snuff to her nose; she sneezed, so good that the ball flew out of the window into the street!

That's how much trouble the Spaniards caused their own core, which I sent back to them. Our core also did not give them pleasure: it hit their warship and let it sink, and there were two hundred Spanish sailors on the ship!

So the British won this war mainly due to my resourcefulness.

“Thank you, dear Munchausen,” my friend the general said to me, shaking my hands tightly. If it wasn't for you, we would be lost. We owe our brilliant victory only to you.

- Rubbish, rubbish! - I said. I am always ready to serve my friends.

In gratitude for my service, the English general wanted to promote me to colonel, but, as a very modest person, I declined such a high honor.

This is what I told the general:

- I do not need any orders or ranks! I help you out of friendship, disinterestedly. Simply because I love the English very much.

Thank you, buddy Munchausen! said the general, shaking my hands again. - Help us, please, and further.

“With great pleasure,” I replied, and patted the old man on the shoulder. “I am happy to serve the British people.

Soon I had an opportunity to help my English friends again.

I disguised myself as a Spanish priest and, when night fell, I crept into the enemy camp.

The Spaniards slept soundly, and no one saw me. I quietly set to work: I went to where their terrible cannons stood, and quickly, quickly began to throw these cannons into the sea - one after another - away from the coast.

It turned out to be not very easy, because there were more than three hundred of all the guns.

Having finished with the guns, I pulled out wooden wheelbarrows, droshkys, wagons, carts, which were in this camp, dumped them in one heap and set fire to.

They flared up like gunpowder. A terrible fire started.

The Spaniards woke up and began to run around the camp in desperation. They imagined with fright that seven or eight English regiments had been in their camp during the night.

They could not imagine that this defeat could be carried out by one person.

The Spanish commander-in-chief started to run in horror and, without stopping, ran for two weeks until he reached Madrid.

All his army set off after him, not daring even to look back.

Thus, thanks to my bravery, the English finally broke the enemy.

– What would we do without Munchausen? they said, and, shaking hands with me, they called me the savior of the English army.

The English were so grateful to me for the assistance rendered that they invited me to visit London. I willingly settled in England, not foreseeing what adventures await me in this country.

The adventures were terrible. That's what happened once.

Walking somehow around the outskirts of London, I was very tired, and I wanted to lie down to rest.

It was a summer day, the sun burned mercilessly; I dreamed of a cool place somewhere under a spreading tree. But there was no tree nearby, and so, in search of coolness, I climbed into the mouth of an old cannon and immediately fell into a sound sleep.

And I must tell you that just on this day the British celebrated my victory over the Spanish army and, in joy, fired from all the cannons.

A gunner approached the cannon in which I was sleeping and fired.

I flew out of the cannon like a good ball, and, having flown to the other side of the river, landed in the yard of some peasant. Luckily, soft hay was stacked in the yard. I stuck my head into it - in the very middle of a large haystack. It saved my life, but of course I lost consciousness.

So, unconscious, I lay for three months.

In autumn hay rose in price, and the owner wanted to sell it. Workers surrounded my haystack and began to turn it with pitchforks. I woke up from their loud voices. Having somehow climbed to the top of the haystack, I rolled down and, falling right on the owner's head, inadvertently broke his neck, which caused him to die immediately.

However, no one really wept for him. He was a shameless miser and did not pay his workers money. In addition, he was a greedy merchant: he sold his hay only when it went up in price.

My friends were happy that I was alive. In general, I had many friends, and they all dearly loved me. You can imagine how happy they were when they found out that I had not been killed. They thought I was dead for a long time.

The famous traveler Finne was especially happy, who at that time was about to make an expedition to the North Pole.
- Dear Munchausen, I am delighted that I can hug you! Finne exclaimed as soon as I appeared on the threshold of his office. “You must immediately go with me as my closest friend!” I know that without your wise advice, I will not be successful!

Of course, I immediately agreed, and a month later we were already not far from the pole.

One day, standing on the deck, I noticed in the distance a high ice mountain on which two polar bears were floundering.

I grabbed a gun and jumped from the ship directly onto the floating ice floe.

It was difficult for me to climb the ice cliffs and rocks smooth as a mirror, every minute sliding down and risking falling into a bottomless abyss, but, despite the obstacles, I reached the top of the mountain and came close to the bears.

And suddenly a misfortune happened to me: when I was about to shoot, I slipped on the ice and fell, and hit my head on the ice and at the same moment lost consciousness. When consciousness returned to me half an hour later, I almost cried out in horror: a huge polar bear crushed me under him and, opening his mouth, was preparing to dine with me.

My gun lay far away in the snow.

However, the gun was useless here, since the bear with all its weight fell on my back and did not allow me to move.

With great difficulty, I pulled out my small penknife from my pocket and, without thinking twice, cut off the bear's three toes on its hind leg.

He roared in pain and for a moment released me from his terrible embrace.

Taking advantage of this, I, with my usual courage, ran to the gun and fired at the fierce beast. The animal collapsed into the snow.

But my misadventures did not end there: the shot woke up several thousand bears who were sleeping on the ice not far from me.

Just imagine: several thousand bears! They all headed straight for me. What should I do? Another minute - and I will be torn to pieces by ferocious predators.

And suddenly a brilliant thought struck me. I grabbed a knife, ran up to the dead bear, tore off its skin and put it on myself. Yes, I put on a bear skin! The bears surrounded me. I was sure that they would pull me out of the skin and tear me to shreds. But they sniffed at me and, mistaking me for a bear, peacefully moved away one by one.

Soon I learned to growl like a bear and suck my paw just like a bear.

The animals treated me very trustingly, and I decided to take advantage of this.

One doctor told me that a wound inflicted on the back of the head causes instant death. I walked up to the nearest bear and plunged my knife right into the back of his head.

I had no doubt that if the beast survived, it would immediately tear me to pieces. Fortunately, my experience was successful. The bear fell dead, without even having time to scream.

Then I decided to deal with the rest of the bears in the same way. I did this without much difficulty. Although they saw how their comrades fell, but since they mistook me for a bear, they could not guess that I was killing them.

In one hour, I killed several thousand bears.

Having accomplished this feat, I returned to the ship to my friend Phipps and told him everything.

He provided me with a hundred of the heaviest sailors, and I led them to the ice floe.

They skinned the dead bears and dragged the bear hams onto the ship.

There were so many hams that the ship could not move on. We had to return home, although we did not reach our destination.

That's why Captain Phipps never discovered the North Pole.

However, we did not regret it, because the bear meat that we brought turned out to be surprisingly tasty.

On my return to England I made a promise to myself never to undertake any further travel, but within a week I had to set out again.

The fact is that one of my relatives, a middle-aged and rich man, for some reason drove it into his head that there was a country in the world in which giants live.

He asked me to find this country for him without fail, and as a reward he promised to leave me a large inheritance. I really wanted to see the giants!

I agreed, equipped the ship, and we set off for the Southern Ocean.

Along the way, we did not meet anything surprising, except for a few flying women who fluttered through the air like moths. The weather was excellent.

But on the eighteenth day a terrible storm arose.

The wind was so strong that it lifted our ship above the water and carried it like a feather through the air. Higher and higher and higher! For six weeks we hovered over the highest clouds. Finally we saw a round sparkling island.

It was, of course, the moon.

We found a convenient harbor and went to the moonlit coast. Below, far, far away, we saw another planet - with cities, forests, mountains, seas and rivers. We guessed that this was the land we had abandoned.

On the moon, we were surrounded by some huge monsters, sitting astride three-headed eagles. These birds replace horses for the inhabitants of the Moon.

Just at that time, the Moon King was at war with the Sun Emperor. He immediately offered me to become the head of his army and lead it into battle, but I, of course, flatly refused.

Everything on the Moon is much larger than what we have on Earth.

The flies there are the size of sheep, each apple is no smaller than a watermelon.

Instead of weapons, the inhabitants of the moon use radishes. She replaces them with spears, and when there is no radish, they fight with pigeon eggs. Instead of shields, they use fly agaric mushrooms.

I saw there several inhabitants of one distant star. They came to the moon to trade. Their faces were dog-like, and their eyes were either at the tip of their nose or down below their nostrils. They had neither eyelids nor eyelashes, and when they went to bed they covered their eyes with their tongues.

Lunar inhabitants never have to waste time on food. They have a special door on the left side of the abdomen: they open it and put food there. Then they close the door until another dinner, which they have once a month. They dine only twelve times a year!

This is very convenient, but it is unlikely that earthly gluttons and gourmets would agree to dine so rarely.

Lunar inhabitants grow right on the trees. These trees are very beautiful, they have bright crimson branches. Huge nuts with unusually strong shells grow on the branches.

When the nuts are ripe, they are carefully removed from the trees and stored in the cellar.

As soon as the king of the moon needs new people, he orders to throw these nuts into boiling water. An hour later, the nuts burst, and completely ready moon people jump out of them. These people don't have to study. They are born as adults right away and already know their craft. A chimney sweep jumps out of one nut, an organ grinder jumps out of another, an ice cream man comes out of a third, a soldier comes out of a fourth, a cook comes out of a fifth, and a tailor comes out of a sixth.

And everyone is immediately taken to their own work. The chimney sweep climbs onto the roof, the organ grinder starts to play, the ice cream man shouts, "Hot ice cream!" (because on the moon ice is hotter than fire), the cook runs to the kitchen, and the soldier shoots at the enemy.

Having grown old, the moon people do not die, but melt into the air, like smoke or steam.

On each hand they have a single finger, but they work with it as deftly as we do with five.

They carry their head under their arms and, when they go on a journey, leave it at home so that it does not deteriorate on the road.

They can confer with their head even when they are far away from it!

It is very comfortable.

If the king wants to know what his people think of him, he stays at home and lies on the sofa, and his head quietly sneaks into other people's houses and eavesdrops on all conversations.

Grapes on the moon are no different from ours.

For me there is no doubt that the hail that sometimes falls on the earth is this very lunar grape, plucked by a storm in the lunar fields.

If you want to try moon wine, collect some hailstones and let them melt thoroughly.

The belly serves the lunar inhabitants instead of a suitcase. They can close and open it as they please, and put whatever they want in it. They have no stomach, no liver, no heart, so inside they are completely empty.

They can put their eyes in and out. Holding the eye, they see it as well as if it were in their head. If an eye gets damaged or lost, they go to the market and buy themselves a new one. Therefore, there are a lot of people on the Moon who trade with their eyes. There every now and then you read on the signs: “Eyes are sold cheaply. Large selection of orange, red, purple and blue.

Every year, the lunar inhabitants have a new fashion for eye color.

In the year I was on the moon, green and yellow eyes were considered fashionable.

But why are you laughing? Do you think that I am telling you lies? No, every word I say is the purest truth, and if you do not believe me, go to the moon yourself. There you will see that I do not invent anything and tell you only the truth.

It's not my fault if strange things happen to me that have never happened to anyone else.

This is because I love to travel and am always looking for adventure, and you sit at home and see nothing but the four walls of your room.

Once, for example, I went on a long voyage on a large Dutch ship. Suddenly, in the open ocean, a hurricane came upon us, which in an instant tore off all our sails and broke all the masts.

One mast fell on the compass and shattered it.

Everyone knows how difficult it is to navigate a ship without a compass.

We lost our way and didn't know where we were going.

For three months we were thrown along the waves of the ocean from side to side, and then we were carried away to no one knows where, and then one fine morning we noticed an unusual change in everything. The sea turned from green to white. The breeze carried a gentle, caressing scent. We were very happy and happy.

Soon we saw the pier, and an hour later we entered a spacious deep harbor. Instead of water, it had milk!

We hastened to land on the shore and began to drink greedily from the milky sea.

There was a sailor between us who couldn't stand the smell of cheese. When he was shown cheese, he began to feel sick. And as soon as we landed on the shore, he became ill.

Get that cheese out from under my feet! he shouted. “I don’t want to, I can’t walk on cheese!”

I bent down to the ground and understood everything.

The island our ship landed on was made from excellent Dutch cheese!

Yes, yes, don't laugh, I'm telling you the true truth: instead of clay, we had cheese under our feet.

Is it any wonder that the inhabitants of this island ate almost exclusively cheese! But this cheese did not become less, because during the night it grew exactly as much as was eaten during the day.

The whole island was covered with vineyards, but the grapes there are special: you squeeze it in your fist; instead of juice, milk flows from it.

The inhabitants of the island are tall, handsome people. Each of them has three legs. Thanks to three legs, they can freely stay on the surface of the milky sea.

Bread here grows baked, right in its finished form, so that the inhabitants of this island do not have to sow or plow. I saw many trees hung with sweet honey gingerbread.

During our walks around the Cheese Island, we discovered seven rivers flowing with milk, and two rivers flowing with thick and tasty beer. I confess that I liked these beer rivers more than milk ones.

In general, walking around the island, we saw many miracles.

We were especially struck by the bird's nests. They were incredibly huge. One eagle's nest, for example, was taller than the tallest house. It was all woven from gigantic oak trunks. In it we found five hundred eggs, each the size of a good barrel.

We broke one egg, and a chick crawled out of it, twenty times the size of an adult eagle.

The chick squeaked. An eagle flew to his aid. She grabbed our captain, lifted him up to the nearest cloud, and from there threw him into the sea.

Fortunately, he was an excellent swimmer and after a few hours he reached Cheese Island by swimming.

In one forest I witnessed an execution.

The islanders hung three people upside down from a tree. The unfortunate moaned and wept. I asked why they were so severely punished. I was told that they were travelers who had just returned from a distant journey and shamelessly lie about their adventures.

I praised the islanders for such a wise punishment of deceivers, because I cannot stand any deceit and always tell only the pure truth.

However, you must have noticed yourself that in all my stories there is not a single word of lies. Lies are disgusting to me, and I am happy that all my relatives have always considered me the most truthful person on earth.

Returning to the ship, we immediately raised anchor and set sail from the wonderful island.

All the trees that grew on the shore, as if by some sign, bowed twice to our waists and straightened up again as if nothing had happened.

Touched by their extraordinary courtesy, I took off my hat and sent them farewell greetings.

Surprisingly polite trees, aren't they?

We did not have a compass, and therefore we wandered for a long time in unfamiliar seas.

Our ship was constantly surrounded by terrible sharks, whales and other sea monsters.

At last we came upon a fish, which was so large that, standing near its head, we could not see its tail.

When the fish became thirsty, it opened its mouth, and the water flowed like a river into its throat, dragging our ship with it. You can imagine how anxious we felt! Even I, for what a brave man, was trembling with fear.

But in the stomach of the fish it turned out to be quiet, as in a harbor. The entire fish belly was stuffed with ships, long ago swallowed up by the greedy monster. Oh, if you only knew how dark it is! After all, we have not seen the sun, nor the stars, nor the moon.

The fish drank water twice a day, and whenever the water was poured into its throat, our ship was heaved up in high waves. The rest of the time, my stomach was dry.

After waiting for the water to subside, the captain and I got off the ship for a walk. Here we met sailors from all over the world: the Swedes, the British, the Portuguese ... There were ten thousand of them in the fish belly. Many of them have lived there for several years. I suggested that we get together and discuss a plan for liberation from this stuffy prison.

I was elected chairman, but just as I opened the meeting, the damned fish began to drink again, and we all fled to our ships.

The next day we met again, and I made the following proposal: tie the two highest masts and, as soon as the fish opens its mouth, put them upright so that it cannot move its jaws. Then she will remain with her mouth open, and we will freely swim out.

My proposal was accepted unanimously.

Two hundred of the heaviest sailors set two tall masts in the mouth of the monster, and it could not close its mouth.

The ships merrily sailed out of the belly into the open sea. It turned out that in the belly of this hulk there were seventy-five ships. Can you imagine how big the torso was!

Of course, we left the masts in the open mouth of the fish so that it could not swallow anyone else.

Having been freed from captivity, we naturally wished to know where we were. It turned out in the Caspian Sea. This surprised us all very much, because the Caspian Sea is closed: it does not connect with any other seas.

But the three-legged scientist, whom I captured on Cheese Island, explained to me that the fish got into the Caspian Sea through some kind of underground channel.

We headed for the shore, and I hurried to land, declaring to my companions that I would never go anywhere again, that I had had enough of the troubles that I experienced during these years, and now I want to rest. My adventures tired me out, and I decided to live a quiet life.

But as soon as I got out of the boat, a huge bear attacked me. It was a monstrous beast of extraordinary size. He would have torn me to pieces in an instant, but I grabbed his front paws and squeezed them so hard that the bear roared in pain. I knew that if I let him go, he would immediately tear me to pieces, and so I held his paws for three days and three nights until he died of hunger. Yes, he died of starvation, since bears satisfy their hunger only by sucking their paws. And this bear could not suck his paws in any way and therefore died of starvation. Since then, not a single bear dares to attack me.