How to convince a person that you are right - psychology. Creating the necessary surroundings

Logic doesn't help prove you're right.

It is impossible to convince most people based on logical constructions. A typical conversation is like this:

Interlocutor 1: Agree that AAA.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that BBB follows from AAA.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that BBB.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: Agree that from BBB and BBB follows YGG.

Interlocutor 2: Agree.

Interlocutor 1: You see, we have proven YGG.

Interlocutor 2: No, you deceived me somewhere.

In many cases, people’s conviction of something is not based on logical chains. But associated with certain beliefs whole network actions already taken, words spoken. Changing a belief means admitting that a considerable number of your previous steps were wrong. People generally don’t like to admit their mistakes, and they especially don’t like to do it publicly. It's easier to question the laws of logic.

It is impossible to argue in a dispute

If you want to convince someone, never argue with him. A dispute involves both sides expressing their positions. This is very bad. If a person has formulated and expressed his position, especially publicly, in front of other people, it will be very difficult to move him.

The public dispute stands apart. It could be a TV debate, or it could be an argument between two guys in the company of a lovely girl. The purpose of such a dispute is not at all to convince the opponent, but to make an impression. Then it is also necessary to choose arguments that are understandable and pleasant not to the opponent, but to the audience.

A person must convince himself, and you must help him

The most effective way of persuasion is to bring a person to the desired conclusion, so that he himself decides, and preferably publicly declares, the position you need. Then he will become the most ardent supporter of the idea, he will defend it and justify it more than you.

How to do it? There are two ways. One is honest, the other is not very, but effective.

The honest way is to ask questions, studying the views and dogmas of the interlocutor and gradually approaching the goal. A person must come to the right conclusion himself. This process can be very long. It is not immediately possible to find the basis on which the conviction will be built. Some ideas that seem obvious to you are simply unacceptable to other people. Often you have to make quite a few attempts, at first unsuccessful. If you see that the chosen tactics do not lead to where you planned, stop the conversation, think about your questions at your leisure, find new way. By conducting such conversations, you will study your interlocutor well, and gradually you will definitely find Right words. This belief is typical example a project that requires thinking, planning, execution with periodic monitoring of the result and adjustment of the plan.

The most important thing is not to put pressure on the person. As soon as you see that the conversation is not working out, stop it, go into the shadows and prepare a new conversation. Under no circumstances should you start an argument. It is very important to keep an eye on this. Having lost control, you can very easily provoke your interlocutor to express an opinion opposite to yours, then the whole matter will fail.

Now about the not very honest method. It also requires studying your opponent. He works well with people who like to argue. First of all, you need to find a person to whom your opponent wants to show off. Next, involve the opponent in a dispute on an abstract topic in the presence of the found person. When the dispute reaches the desired intensity, express an opinion exactly opposite to the one you want to convince your opponent of. He will instinctively take and express the opposite position. After some time has passed, you need to return to the topic several times so that he again voices his supposed point of view to consolidate his conviction. He is yours, now he is the bearer of the desired idea.

Do I need to convince you?

Do we really want to convince a person? Why do we convince?

We want the person to do something. It is not always the case that in order for a person to do something useful to us, he must be convinced. He may have other motives than the belief that this must be done. There will be an article about this soon. If you are interested, Subscribe to the news so you don't miss out. In addition, a person will never do something that is not typical for him, no matter what steps you take. If he spent Saturdays all his life on the couch, then you can take him out into the forest for a walk once or twice, but it is very unlikely to have him go there every week. Set realistic goals.

We want to help a person make decisions correctly or we want to bring positions closer together in order to develop joint solutions. This is where you really need to work with beliefs. But if you really want to help a person, then be prepared to approach the problem with an open mind, consider it with different sides, discuss. As a result, perhaps you yourself will be convinced and understand that your interlocutor is right. If you are not ready for this from the very beginning, then you do not want to help the person at all, but are asserting yourself. I already wrote about this above.

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Any communication between people is necessarily aimed at achieving a specific goal by its participants, persuasion or a call to action, this is the result of any dialogue. If someone says that he communicates just like that, without a specific goal, then this person is either disingenuous or simply does not understand what goal he is pursuing and what goal his interlocutor is pursuing. For the unconscious world in which most people live, this is in the order of things, but people like you and me, who study psychology and understand the nature of human behavior, should immediately notice motives when communicating. And of course, when entering into a dialogue with someone, we are more or less conscious people We must not only understand what we want from him, but also, if possible, calculate the result of such a dialogue. If our goal of communication is not to extract information from the interlocutor, but to convince him of something, then we should remember some features of the human psyche, by playing on which we will definitely persuade him in our direction.

To understand that in an ideal way works to convince people, we just need to take a closer look at our world, its history and the present, where nothing actually changes, people believed sweet fairy tales and still believe in them. General loud phrases work better on them than specifics and intelligible speech; there is no need to explain anything, just convince people that everything will be fine. And here, my friends, your self-confidence comes first. After all, what is our life, from the point of view of our knowledge about it? This is a set of some patterns, beliefs, postulates that we cherish like the apple of our eye and hold on to them like a life preserver in order to experience a feeling of confidence, certainty, and stability. Our whole life rests on the belief in these things that once somehow came into our heads. Something is added to them in the process of life, but something we simply don’t notice and don’t want to notice, preferring to deal only with familiar and understandable things. We very often simply believe in everything and everyone, especially in what coincides with the knowledge we already have, because we ourselves have little opportunity to learn something with the help of our experience and check something with the help of our senses. This means that what we believe in is quite convincing for us, because it is simply convenient. It’s convenient for us to believe in something, it’s so easy. Well, since people once believed in one thing, then why not force them to believe in another, why not convince them of something that will be easy for them to accept on faith, because this something will be simple, understandable, convenient and pleasant for them, maybe even going with something they already believe in? The main thing is to confidently and persistently present it to people new information, as an important and unshakable truth. Nobody in this world really knows anything, because the world is very complex, man has not yet fully understood it, and if even such great scientists as, for example, Einstein, were wrong, then what can we say about most other people who have less a broad and detailed view of life.

So what can we be sure of? Yes, probably nothing. Any of us can be wrong and will definitely be wrong, this is from an objective point of view. As for each of us individually, you can convince other people only if you believe in yourself - that's one thing, and believe in what you say - that's two. Of course, it is also very important how you say it and what you want people to do. Let’s say that people really like to hear that someone else is to blame for their troubles, but not themselves, and that this someone needs and can be made to answer for all their troubles. At the same time, it is very important that as little as possible is required from the people themselves; let someone else do something for the good of their lives, but not themselves. This works very well for oppressed, depressed and offended people, who are the majority. And if you notice this feature, then that’s it public organizations, movements, sects and similar associations play precisely on this, they are looking for a common enemy, looking for problems in the outside world, and not in the person himself.

The only thing they can offer is to start changing yourself so that the world changes, only by changing yourself, you change yourself, and the world around you will be the way you can make it, by making an effort, and not waiting for God’s mercy. You shouldn’t tell them this, if you want to convince other people of something, it’s better to put pressure on the fact that everything is very simple and that everything will come by itself, you just need to wait, hope and believe. Never hold people responsible, no matter what it is, especially for yourself, as I already said, everyone is to blame for everything, politicians, enemies, aliens, but not those themselves who are not happy with something. Otherwise, they won’t listen to you, because responsibility is something that people fear like hell, and some don’t even know what it is. Promise a sweet future, here you don’t even have to be a psychologist or a sociologist to simply see with your own eyes the desire of people to believe that the time will finally come when everything will be fine, when everything will be better. With all this, many cannot even really define this better, but it doesn’t matter, it’s important to promise it.

When communicating, do not forget to praise your interlocutor or a group of people; it is very important that people feel proud and not killed when they are taught like little children, because in fact that is what they are. In general, when you convince other people of something, it is extremely important to know what beliefs they hold in this moment, you can find out this within a few minutes by simply asking questions about the person himself. Your idea or whatever you push into other people's heads should not go against what is already there, even if in fact it is true. Act step by step, develop a persuasion strategy according to which your idea keeps pace with the person’s already accepted idea, it seems to complement it. Then, gradually, you will redirect the person’s actions in the direction you need, rebuild his way of thinking, and do not destroy the old, in order to build a new one, for many this is a very painful process, because of which they may reject you.

Remember Hitler - this wonderful speaker who managed to fool the minds of millions of people and drew them into bloody war. Well, isn’t this moment in history indicative of understanding the human psyche and identifying its preferences? There is, of course, a difference between the conviction of an oppressed and depressed people or person, and the similar conviction of people who are completely satisfied with life. IN the latter case you need to find some problem in order to make people dependent on you based on it, and problems have always been, are and will be, our whole life consists of them. But people don’t like to solve them, and therefore they willingly follow someone who will do it for them. You can be such a person if you want to convince people of something, and of course you will not solve their problems yourself, you will solve them with the hands of these same people, simply by moving their asses off the ground. As a result, you will receive their recognition and respect, you will become an authority for them.

A strong personality is someone people willingly trust and follow wherever they go; a weak and insecure person can convince few people of anything, because he himself doubts what he says, and people feel this instinctively. So if you decide to convince someone of something, first convince yourself of it, and only then, using simple techniques, start telling interesting tales and drawing beautiful images for other people. People love fairy tales. Not everyone, of course, takes them seriously, but the majority, the overwhelming majority, love it when they, as they say, get bullied. That's how we people are. And using this majority, you can put pressure on the rebellious minority. Although these people think more soberly, they have not learned to convince others of their sobriety. I consider myself one of these people; I have never had so many fans and supporters that I could think that people have become stronger, because I only offer bitter pills in the form of truth. People run from my truth when everything is good for them, and return to me when everything is bad, because only a true understanding of things can identify, heal and forever rid a person of the problems that poison his life.

So, my friends, I teach you one thing, but I myself fundamentally adhere to a different policy, because the majority will never be on my side, unless a miracle happens and people become stronger, listening to the truth and what it brings. But it’s my job to prove to everyone that I can live real life and look this life straight in the eye, it’s actually not as scary as it seems, and live life reasonable person being responsible for your life is much better and more pleasant than constantly being a pawn in the wrong hands. So use my recommendation for persuading people as you see fit, and don’t forget to check yourself to see if you yourself are hanging on someone else’s hook in a similar way.

Irina Davydova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Not the one who has great knowledge is stronger, but the one who is able to convince - a well-known axiom. Knowing how to choose words, you own the world. The art of persuasion is a whole science, but all its secrets have long been revealed by psychologists in ways that are easy to understand. simple rules who are any successful business man knows by heart. How to convince people - expert advice...

• Control over the situation is impossible without a sober assessment of the situation. Assess the situation itself, people’s reactions, and the possibility of strangers influencing the opinion of your interlocutor. Remember that the result of the dialogue should be beneficial for both parties.
• Mentally put yourself in the place of your interlocutor. Without trying to “get into the skin” of your opponent and without empathizing with him, it is impossible to influence a person. By feeling and understanding your opponent (with his desires, motives and dreams), you will find more possibilities for persuasion.

• First and natural reaction almost any person to pressure from outside - resistance. The stronger the “pressure” of the belief, the stronger the person resists. You can eliminate your opponent’s “barrier” by winning him over. For example, joke about yourself, about the imperfection of your product, thereby “lulling” a person’s vigilance - there is no point in looking for shortcomings if they are listed to you. Another technique is a sharp change in tone. From official to simple, friendly, universal.
• Use “constructive” phrases and words in communication – no denial or negativity. Wrong option: “if you buy our shampoo, your hair will stop falling out” or “if you don’t buy our shampoo, you won’t be able to appreciate its fantastic effectiveness.” Correct option: “Restore strength and health to your hair. New shampoo with a fantastic effect!” Instead of the dubious word “if,” use the convincing word “when.” Not “if we do...”, but “when we do...”.

• Do not impose your opinion on your opponent - give him the opportunity to think independently, but “highlight” the right path. Incorrect option: “Without cooperation with us, you will lose a lot of benefits.” Correct option: “Cooperation with us is a mutually beneficial alliance.” Incorrect option: “Buy our shampoo and see how effective it is!” Correct option: “The effectiveness of shampoo has been proven by thousands of positive reviews, multiple studies, the Ministry of Health, the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, etc.”
• Look for arguments to convince your opponent in advance, having thought through all possible branches of the dialogue. Put forward your arguments in a calm and confident tone without emotional coloring, slowly and thoroughly.
• When convincing your opponent of something, you must be confident in your point of view. Any doubts you have about the “truth” you put forward are instantly “grabbed” by the person, and trust in you is lost.

• Learn sign language. This will help you avoid mistakes and better understand your opponent.
• Never give in to provocations. To convince your opponent, you must be a “robot” who cannot be enraged. “Balance, honesty and reliability” are the three pillars of trust even in a stranger.
• Always use facts - best weapon beliefs. Not “my grandmother told me” and “I read it on the Internet”, but “there are official statistics...”, “on personal experience I know that…” etc. The most effective facts are witnesses, dates and numbers, videos and photographs, opinions of famous people.

• Learn the art of persuasion from your children. The child knows that by offering his parents a choice, he, at a minimum, will not lose anything and will even gain: not “Mom, buy me!”, but “Mom, buy me a radio-controlled robot or at least a construction set.” By offering a choice (and having prepared the conditions for the choice in advance so that the person makes it correctly), you allow your opponent to think that he is the master of the situation. Proven fact: a person rarely says “no” if he is offered a choice (even if it is the illusion of choice).

• Convince your opponent of his exclusivity. Not with vulgar open flattery, but with the appearance of a “recognized fact.” For example, “We know your company as a responsible company with a positive reputation and one of the leaders in this field of production.” Or “We have heard a lot about you as a man of duty and honor.” Or “We would like to work only with you, you are known as a person whose words never diverge from action.”
• Focus on “secondary benefits.” For example, “Cooperation with us means not only low prices for you, but also great prospects.” Or "Our new kettle“This is not just a super technological innovation, but your delicious tea and a pleasant evening with your family.” Or “Our wedding will be so magnificent that even kings will envy.” We focus, first of all, on the needs and characteristics of the audience or opponent. Based on them, we put emphasis.

• Avoid disrespect and arrogance towards your interlocutor. He should feel on the same level as you, even if ordinary life you drive around such people a kilometer away in your expensive car.
• Always start a conversation with points that can unite you and your opponent, not divide you. The interlocutor, immediately tuned to the right “wave,” ceases to be an opponent and turns into an ally. And even if disagreements arise, it will be difficult for him to answer you “no”.
• Follow the principle of demonstrating shared benefit. Every mother knows that the ideal way to talk her child into going to the store with her is to tell her that they sell candy at the checkout. with toys, or “suddenly remember” that big discounts were promised on his favorite cars this month. The same method, only more complex, underlies business negotiations and contracts between ordinary people. Mutual benefit is the key to success.

• Make the person feel good about you. Not only in personal relationships, but also in a business environment, people are guided by likes/dislikes. If the interlocutor is unpleasant to you, or even completely disgusting (outwardly, in communication, etc.), then you will not have any business with him. Therefore, one of the principles of persuasion is personal charm. Some people are given it from birth, while others have to learn this art. Learn to emphasize your strengths and disguise your weaknesses.

IN idea about the art of persuasion 1:

Video about the art of persuasion 2:

Participation in negotiations often results in serious stress for people, so few people can be guided solely by reason when discussing important fundamental issues, especially when on the other side a skilled manipulator is participating in the negotiations, using your emotions against you. Here are a few tricks of professional negotiators, with the help of which you can win over your interlocutor and even impose on him some conditions that are exclusively beneficial to you.

1. State your terms first

Many psychologists recommend that applicants for any position not mention the desired salary during an interview, and during the first contacts with the employer it is really better to refrain from this, focusing on your business qualities. But if you see that the decision has been made in your favor, you should take the initiative and be the first to name the terms of cooperation - the so-called anchoring effect will work: the amount you indicate will open up room for bargaining and become the starting point for discussing other details. A recent study shows that even if the salary required by the applicant is clearly too high, but the candidate for the position is the first to name his conditions, the employer is more willing to make concessions.

When the interlocutor himself is the first to indicate the price, but it does not suit you, draw a conclusion: most likely he is familiar with the anchoring effect and is trying to manipulate you, or does not expect further cooperation at all. In this case, go on a counterattack - you can declare that the amount announced is not serious and such offers insult you, after which the interlocutor will be forced to stop the conversation or listen to your conditions.

2. Change the subject

Negotiators almost never get hung up on a single subject of discussion and change the topic - perhaps the most common technique used in negotiations, especially if different details need to be discussed or they concern several people. When negotiations reach a dead end or take a direction unfavorable for one of the parties, it is more effective for negotiators to postpone the resolution of one issue and switch to another.

For example, let’s take a transaction to sell a car on credit - the parties need to agree on the price of the car, the down payment, the monthly payment and the ability to repay part of the amount at the expense of the buyer’s old car. If any of the discussion points raises doubts among the buyer and negotiations are stalled, the seller may offer to discuss next question- in this case, the client will forget about the problem for a while. Say, if the buyer does not like the overall price, the seller needs to find out how much the client can pay at once and how much he is willing to pay each month; after thinking about these numbers, he will become more accommodating. The deeper the interlocutor dives into negotiations, the higher his desire to complete the deal.

If you yourself are faced with the fact that your interlocutor is trying to make you forget about unfavorable conditions by switching your attention to other topics, do not let him avoid the problem, but also do not try to talk about benefits ahead of time (for example, the possibility of transferring an old car as a partial repayment of the cost of a new one, in the example of buying a car), which you are seeking - the negotiations will most likely fail.

3. Identify an imaginary problem.

This tactic involves a shift in the emphasis of negotiations, in which one of the parties designates a secondary issue as fundamentally important. This makes it possible to make “concessions,” which the interlocutor perceives as a “noble gesture” and achievement of success in the discussion, while he himself is more willing to meet halfway.

It is quite easy to counteract the false concessions of your interlocutor - in the end, you can always forget about the interests of the interlocutor, imaginary or real compromises and be guided only by your own benefit, but practice shows that this method will most likely lead to the collapse of the discussion.

If you want to be sure that the negotiator is not manipulating you by creating false problems and triumphantly “solving” them, you should analyze his position in detail and try to understand what the interlocutor is really willing to sacrifice, and what he is using only as a false bargaining chip.

4. Appeal to higher authorities

One of effective ways turning the tide of negotiations in your favor is also an appeal to higher authorities - in other words, if you feel that the conditions imposed on you are not profitable, declare that you do not have full authority and must discuss everything with management. In particular, this classic technique performed by actor William Macy (can be seen in the dark humor comedy Fargo, released in 1996.

Using this technique, you can kill two birds with one stone: firstly, the negotiations are essentially suspended and the other side can compromise in order to resume them, and secondly, in this way you save face, making it clear to the interlocutor that the problem is not with you.

If such tactics are used against you, it makes sense to demand a meeting with a higher-ranking person who has the competence to resolve disagreements. Remember that success in negotiations is most likely to be achieved by the side that has more patience, so try to make your interlocutor want to end the fruitless debate as soon as possible.

5. Calculate your best alternative

There is always a risk that the negotiations will finally and irrevocably reach an impasse, so you must have a so-called best alternative agreement (LAVA). If you accurately understand your LAVS, then you immediately understand whether the deal will be profitable or not and you can quickly navigate. It is also a good idea if you try to find out the LAV of the interlocutor to understand what terms he is willing to agree to. Accurate knowledge of the best alternative options is one of the key aspects of negotiations.

For example, you need to sell a state-of-the-art jet aircraft and you have several potential buyers. If the terms of the transaction do not suit one client, contact another, and so on, until you are given an acceptable price comparable to the market average. In this case, your LAVS is the same average market price minus the time that you may have to spend on negotiations with several buyers (after all, time, as we know, is money).

If there are suspicions that the other party in negotiations with you intends to use this trick (most often, this happens), prepare for the meeting properly - collect information about the client, familiarize yourself with the situation on the market, and during the discussion of the terms of the transaction, try to Find out in every detail the capabilities and aspirations of your interlocutor and try not to reveal your cards ahead of time.

6. "The Last Bite"

When the negotiations are almost complete, one of the parties may suddenly return to any of the subjects of discussion and try to add “one more small condition” - this technique is called the “last bite”. In this way, the patience of the other side and its willingness to make concessions are tested in order to quickly complete the protracted discussion.

If you are offered to add “a mere trifle” to the contract and finally end the discussion, then the deal, even without an additional condition, is significantly better than the interlocutor’s LAV, and the “mere trifle” is nothing more than manipulation. You can safely refuse to enter into an agreement with an additional condition - most likely, the other party will still adjust its position and cross out the condition set at the last moment.

Friends and guests, hello everyone! How are you feeling? It’s not in vain that I ask. Convincing and persuading people works best when you are in a great mood.

Things aren't going well and you want more? In this case, it may be interesting and very useful training on personal growth .

Let's get down to business. Let's look at how to learn how to persuade people to achieve certain goals. Ready to learn a few secrets?

How to persuade correctly?

The sequence of actions can be divided into 4 stages:

1. Gain a person's favor. At a minimum, he should be interested in the dialogue. It will be great if a person starts to trust you.
2. Identify needs related to your goal. For example, if you are going to persuade a person to buy real estate, then it would be a good idea to find out his wishes on this topic. If you want to persuade your boss to raise your salary, then it will be useful to know what results he is striving for and how you can help with this in order to deservedly receive additional income.
3. Offer an option that completely suits you and presumably corresponds to the person’s identified wishes.
4. Competently answer all objections and get what you want.

If you read my past articles, you probably saw similarities with. The “core” of this communication scheme in many cases allows you to correctly and competently convince people to do something.

I’ll say right away that persuading people over the phone is much more difficult, unlike situations when there is eye contact. Huge role emotions, gestures, facial expressions play.

The main secret of persuasion

Do you already have your first thoughts on how you can learn how to properly persuade a person to get what you want? In fact, the approach to each person is individual. The ability to persuade comes only with experience. It’s difficult to do without practice; theory alone won’t get you far.

Attention! Now I will “tell” you one cool thing. If you learn to do this, the prospects will become simply enormous.

A person should think that he himself came to the decision you need, without realizing that he was consistently “led” to it.

Let me immediately note that the whole scheme is built on benefits for humans. That is, achieving your goal should benefit him. Therefore, under no circumstances should you lie.

Consider one interesting point. The interlocutor who needs to be convinced to do something may have a hidden need. That is, he really needs something, but no serious thoughts have arisen on this topic yet. The question just needs to be raised, updated and presented competently necessary information.

Ways to gain favor

The above 4 steps work when talking on the phone and during a personal meeting. However, when a person sees the interlocutor there are a number of advantages that allow one to achieve greater trust. Do you know how to do this correctly?

• Don't argue. Why is there negativity in pure form? If you want to convince a person, then emphasize the importance of his opinion and give several reasons that can change him.
• Talk about things that are of interest to the other person.
• Smile. Of course, only if there is a reason for it.
• Use gestures.
• Listen carefully.
• Select correct intonation.
• Don't be forced.

This is just a short list. Each situation is individual and should be approached accordingly. It just takes practice.

As you can see, learning to win people over is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. It’s just that during a conversation a person should feel significant and heard. How often does this happen in life?

I hope now in general outline It’s clear how you can learn to persuade different people to motivate them to do something. Remember that in each case the actions may be individual.

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