Can a person change? Constantly write down the doubts that arise on the way to a new "I"

Can the psychology of people change depending on external or internal causes? For the majority, changes represent a serious conflict, because regardless of the circumstances, a person always wants to save his “face”, not to lose his individuality.

Does a person change over time - the opinion of psychologists

Indeed, it is believed that changes are unusual for a person, he prefers to adapt to the world, while maintaining his inherent qualities.

An example of this point of view is the dependence of people on bad habits which are sometimes incredibly difficult to get rid of.

However, psychiatry completely refutes this statement, proving that it is possible to change a person, provided that this is his sincere desire.

Most often, people crave change because of the presence of a psychological problem.

These can be attributed conflict behavior, low self-esteem, uncertainty, inadequacy, causeless manifestation of negativity. If a person begins to look for the cause of discomfort in the surrounding manifestations, even an experienced psychotherapist is unlikely to help him. But when an individual realizes that the cause of the negativity is hidden inside him, it can be stated that the person is ready for change.

There are several common reasons that literally make a person change:

Mental shock, usually associated with changes in attitude. It can be the birth of a child or a tragedy that happened to a loved one. People can change for the sake of loved ones or after learning about their own deadly disease. The emotional shock can be so strong that it completely changes the essence of a person;
The development of consciousness - spiritual growth going on unnoticed by others. Slowly and gradually, a person improves himself, every day learning new aspects of the universe and developing consciousness. Relatives may not notice changes in the psychology of such a person for a long time, but old acquaintances, whom they meet quite rarely, quickly notice the changes. By the way, this type of changing psychology can be attributed to the test of age, when the accumulated experience makes you take a fresh look at the world. Of course, a person does not always change with age, it all depends on his ability to evaluate the path traveled;
Circumstances are a source of rather strong emotional experiences, the strength of which sometimes seems irresistible. For example, people can change after prison, both for the better and for the worse. Changes are possible due to moving to another city or in connection with a change of place of work. True, in most cases, psychology remains unchanged and the person returns to the previous behavior, returning to already familiar conditions. But sometimes the influence of the environment really affects psychology. After leaving prison, a rare person is able to cleanse the soul, and once in the company of smart self-sufficient people, many begin to imitate them, improving imperceptibly even for themselves;
Finance is a powerful stimulus for change, both positive and negative. negative side. Often, a real revolution takes place in a previously closed soul, forcing a person to spend money on charity and burn it without regrets, and some people who were previously open and good-natured find such traits as stinginess in their character and completely withdraw from the world.

Temperament is one of the innate qualities, changes in which require a lot of work on oneself. However, rarely does a person's temperament change radically, it can only be restrained.

How can you change yourself?

If something does not suit a person in his life, you can try to change yourself for the sake of a comfortable existence, while exposing the personality to minimal changes.

Dependence on someone else's opinion gives rise to low self-esteem. You can correct the situation if you make your own positive opinion about your qualities stable and learn to trust own ideas about yourself as a person;
Fear of failure is another condition that intensifies over time and interferes with self-realization. In this case, it is recommended not to resort to independent attempts to correct the situation, as you can achieve negative result which will make life much more difficult. It's best to ask for help professional psychologist capable of picking effective methodology to get rid of the fear of failure and uncertainty;
Tendency to depression common cause that people do not change better side. The usual cause of depression is that a person does not want to live by certain rules, but is not able to step over an internal prohibition. The result is a slow loss of interest in life. To achieve change, you need to find the motivation to move forward. It should be remembered that after the rain the sun always appears and there are many ways to make life richer, among which you just need to find the best path for yourself.

Whether a person's character changes under the influence of circumstances or as a result of careful work on oneself, it is important that these are positive changes.

Greetings friends! Question from our reader Alexander: Can a person really change? That is, by working on oneself, to actually become a qualitatively different person, a different, stronger, confident and bright Personality? Or is everything predetermined by genes and, as you wrote in the article, parental programming since childhood?

Great question! And all people need to know the answer to it, especially those who want to change something in themselves, discover some talents, form strong personal qualities in themselves and get rid of weaknesses, vices and shortcomings.

Answer: Yes! A person can change radically, change precisely as a Personality, and not just outwardly, by changing his image and all that. The fact that a person cannot be changed is a myth! You can't change only those who don't want to change.

Also, I immediately want to remove the fear of many people who believe that if they change, they will lose themselves! This is absurd and boundless stupidity! A person loses himself, his soul, his individuality, when he buries them under a thick layer of his problems, accumulated sufferings and weaknesses, multiplied vices that corrode the soul. negative emotions and body-destroying bad habits. This is what actually leads to a complete loss of yourself and your individuality.

And a person who does not know who he is, why he lives, why he was born and what he wants to do good with his life - himself and his individuality, and never knew, has not yet found. Therefore, such a person has nothing to lose, except for his weaknesses, ignorance, delusions and problems. This man has not yet begun to know himself and his inner world. Although I could read a bunch of “smart” books on the topic “How to live” and beat my intellect to failure theoretical knowledge, but in reality, in practice, in life, it never budges.

Most of the people who are so afraid of losing themselves and their individuality, in fact, have not even found themselves yet! Because 99% of them have no idea who they are! Who is Man!

Fundamentals of where human abilities for change and development come from

Of course, there are still adherents of the old materialistic worldview who naively believe that everything is in the genes, and nothing can be changed! But their theory has not been confirmed anywhere either historically or actually. After all, millions of people who have set the appropriate goal successfully change themselves, develop, overcome their problems and reveal their talents, their potential!

Let's look at history! How many outstanding brilliant scientists came from worker-peasant families! Mikhail Lomonosov - from the village, was the son of a Pomor from a family of fishermen. Where then the genes of a brilliant scientist? Schubert was the son of a master who made carriages. Victor Hugo was the son of a farmer. All Beethoven's relatives were engaged in vineyards. Artist Kiprensky Orest - was the son of a serf. And so on and so forth. And where does the genes, I ask you? By the way, three modern presidents - Putin, Lukashenko and ex-president Ukraine, Yanukovych, also come from the hinterland, from villages and ordinary working families.

The reverse is also true! When modern offspring royal families, noble blood, dukes and princes - everywhere demonstrate weakness of character, falling into vices, stupidity, stupidity and any lack of nobility. How they destroy the worthy reputation of their noble ancestors that has developed over the centuries and all the myths that genes determine everything, including the personal qualities of a person.

Nobility, dignity, honor, strength of character, talents and qualities - at all times were determined by purposeful long-term education, spiritual mentoring and continuous work of a person on himself! And you can read about these systems of education and human development on the Internet.

Now to the point! To understand why a person can change, it is first necessary to understand who a Human is, what a Soul is, and what a Human Consciousness is:

After all, scientists have not yet found either in the human body, or in its genes, those hundreds and thousands of spiritual qualities and personal characteristics that people have. Where exactly in the body is Honor, Influence, Leadership, Charisma, Love, and hundreds of other qualities, values and feelings? Because all these are the qualities of the Soul of a person, his consciousness!

Therefore, each person, if he wants, can change himself radically, form necessary qualities, values, feelings, emotions, habits and reactions. Unless, of course, he knows how to do it.

But you need to keep in mind that changing yourself is always a very difficult, painstaking and long-term mental work. But he's worth it! After all, getting rid of at least one addiction that spoils a person’s life (alcoholism, for example), his fate can change dramatically for the better. And having formed in oneself only one key quality, for example, discipline, a person can achieve 10 times more in his life than he had before. Therefore, it is always worth striving to change yourself! You just need to figure out and not be mistaken about what you need to get rid of, what to cultivate in yourself, and how to do it effectively.

But, before moving on to the question - how a person changes, let me remind you of the well-known wisdom - "It is impossible to change a person if he himself does not want it very much." Therefore, the first condition for a person to be able to change is that he himself must want this with all his heart!

And in order to understand how change occurs, human development, I suggest you read the following articles, just on this topic:

If you approach your development seriously, professionally, you can change very much, because you can develop almost everything in yourself! Any problem can be solved! And any talent, any ability or quality that you have ever heard of can be revealed in yourself. The basis for this is Knowledge, appropriate Methods and work on oneself!

And further! 🙂 When someone tells you that a person cannot change, always look at the root - look at the person’s motives, why he says so. Very often this is said by those who want to justify themselves and their shortcomings, their own spiritual and mental laziness to change something in their lives and in themselves! As well as those who really do not wish you well and may die of envy if you suddenly manage to become better, stronger, smarter and achieve much more than they do.

Never rely on such people! Focus on the best! For those who never rest on their laurels and do not justify their problems and weaknesses, but solve them! Who knows what it is to work on oneself and he made himself!

There are many such examples not only in history, but also in the modern world, These are billionaire businessmen public figures, scientists and more. etc. Most of them do not come from rich families and among their ancestors there were no brilliant scientists or hereditary billionaires. By the way, they write about it in their books. They on own example, on their own destiny, they prove to the whole world for the millionth time that a person can and must change if he wants to achieve something in this life!

If you have questions or need to work with me as a mentor for an individual program -!

Perhaps one of the most common and dangerous human misconceptions about a person is the belief that one cannot change oneself, one's personality. This belief rests on the conviction that there are qualities, abilities, tastes, habits and shortcomings assigned to us that are the essence of our personality and cannot be changed. Often heard “Well, I’m such a person (lazy, without certain abilities, necessary qualities, etc.) I can’t do it differently and there’s nothing to be done about it”. Many people think so and carry this belief all their lives.

So is it possible to change your personality? If yes, then how can you change yourself?

Can you change yourself?

Or, indeed, a person is something imperishable and unchanging, and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it are, so to speak, cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal shortcomings, acquire and develop certain qualities, change your character ...

Everyone can, if he wants, be transformed beyond recognition: overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming strong character and confident, to moderate the tendency to anxieties and worries, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday's timid and downtrodden young man can become a sociable and young man, simply by making some effort.

And it would be a mistake to believe that this young man has shyness and isolation in his blood and that he is "by nature" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this delusion is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the delusion that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, you will not waiting for a lot of unforgettable experiences in the vast expanses of our country as part of an army unit).

This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographical one, because, believing that you cannot change yourself, you give up, you are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and you live with your shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the life of those around you. of people.

Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?

Firstly, the human species is naturally equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adjusting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurate this effort with the internal need to change the personality. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will change at all. We ourselves want to decide what we become? Right?)

Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed either for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I managed to overcome internal resistance and become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.

This has manifested itself in an improvement in the quality of my life and the realization of significant life achievements. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to worries and depression, cowardice, shyness, the inability to control oneself and control one’s feelings as inherently my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of changing them.

It seemed to me that I am who I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was wrong: I coped with depression and anxiety and panic attacks without any pills or treatment, my mathematical ability, (I used to think that I don’t have them at all) even my musical tastes(not just changed, but greatly expanded) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.

The value of fighting yourself

So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of destroying himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and trying to cope with internal resistance, which is sure to come along the way if you want to change yourself, always pays off!

Acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!

And exactly the opposite. An individual who is accustomed to seeing himself as a collection of unchanging characteristic features, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows the lead of his character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.

His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings, he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.

Internal struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (that is, not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: the fight against complexes in order to defeat them), but they also carry great value in themselves. I will write more about this more than once.

Can personality change?

You must understand that your true identity is not a multitude of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood traumas. All this is just tinsel and habits of the mind and senses!. This is acquisitive, i.e. appeared as you become and will also disappear as soon as you want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic, constantly changing concept, and not something predetermined forever!

Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate inclinations, etc. Something that you will not affect in any way, and I understand this very well. At the same time, I see a general need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.

What is simply an acquired defect, manifested as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something, is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all determined personality trait! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy designed to write off responsibility for one's character from a person.

This is the same blatant delusion as "congenital illiteracy"! (Well, think about how it can be innate? We are all born without knowing the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MAMA”, “PAPA”) In fact, many properties of our being, which we fundamentally cannot influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural restrictions than we are all used to thinking.

And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those of your qualities that you previously considered rooted in you forever.

My experience of personal metamorphoses

I myself managed to overcome many internal negative traits character that bothered me from childhood and would continue to bother me and spoil my life (and I was a very weak and sickly child, and then a young man and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less)). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not start working on myself, having secured the confidence that I was able to cope with it.

And the practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my internal capacity, and in the context of improving the factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.

Usually those who say “I am such a person and will remain such” have never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?

How to change yourself? This is big question and almost all the materials of this site will be devoted to this. After all, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself, and this is always the case. So this article is simply an attempt to break down a well-established misconception and call to action and may be to give someone hope that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and then as they are published on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.

Is it unnatural to change for the better?

Once I ran into such an objection. “They say, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?
I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think formed your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).

Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the social circle is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. So it turns out that the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not depend much on your will, you consider natural.

And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meets your goals - does this mean it is unnatural? To follow the lead of external circumstances, attributing everything to the mercy of chance ...

What is so right and natural in this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself?

On the contrary, by determining the vector of self-development on your own, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.

As for the question “why change yourself?”. I will probably answer it in more their articles in explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.

The best and worst qualities of a person

By the best qualities, I understand those properties of nature that meet the considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thought, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.

Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, get angry, tear ourselves apart. internal contradictions, complicate our lives and poison the lives of those around us, make us sickly, dependent on passions and desires, morally and physically weak.

Developing good qualities and getting rid of bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and addiction. Self-development implies the first. When you develop the best properties of your nature, you change, as new abilities appear in you and old shortcomings disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personal metamorphoses.

That, in fact, is all, no tricky philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is all about.

I have already said what a terrible mistake it is to believe in the impossibility of changing oneself. But even more dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that they are the crowns of creation, worthy representatives of human species and they saw all sorts of self-development sites in a coffin.

It really happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and pride, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because almost always there is an opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.

And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to develop personal potential completely (and they can even harm somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undisclosed abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the structure of individuality.

Therefore, in almost all cases, it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few people are so lucky that their educators and parents were able to give the leap necessary for harmonious development and solve all the problems that arise. internal problems and contradictions.

If you're wondering can you change yourself?, then you recognize the presence of such properties in yourself that need to be changed and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you are taking the first steps towards self-development, standing on the threshold of wonderful metamorphoses.

It remains only armed with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move on this difficult but bright path.

Is it possible to change a person and how can a person be changed, how to influence him so that he himself would want to change?

Greetings friends!. What do you think, is it difficult to change a person? Probably difficult.

I am sure that even the best psychologists there are cases in practice when they failed to provide effective, positive influence per person, what can we say about people who do not understand psychology in any way.

In order for a person to open up, tell us his most dark secrets, which he carefully hid from everyone and which may be the reasons for some of his negative behavior or something else, for this you need not only to win him over, to inspire complete trust, but also a feeling comparable to friendship.

With the right words, which are sometimes not easy to find, spoken in the right tone, and perhaps repeated more than once or twice, make him believe in himself or what to change (do).

But this is one of the main reasons, along with laziness and weak will, why a person does not want to at least change a little in something, it’s more correct to say, “I would like to change something, but I can’t, I don’t have enough faith in myself or willpower ".

Sometimes except necessary words clarification, persuasion or friendly words - a push (stimulus) is needed. And sometimes the result is invisible for a very long time, is there enough patience?

The most powerful words are the right words supported by feelings. A girl who falls in love with a guy creates (somewhere true words, somewhere unconsciously). A man who has bewitched a woman can change her with his mere presence in her life - from frivolous and irresponsible to caring, loving mother and wife.

Sometimes people themselves do not notice, do not understand what a powerful influence and related strong changes they provoked.

Love or very strong and good anger, primarily at oneself, caused by something so catchy that it categorically excludes inaction - all this is capable of pretending the desired into reality better than any of the most effective methods. And moreover, in the shortest possible time, a small, and somewhere big, miracle.

In order for a person to want to change, it is necessary that he wants so much that he would not imagine later life without these changes. That I would like to prove something to myself and to someone very dear (or perhaps to everyone) - that he can and that he is capable.

About a couple of Pitfalls or how a person can be changed:

1) About patience, which may not be enough, I already mentioned, now about reproach. As an example: - "You say so and so, when you have already changed, when you become normal."

You know, friends, with reproaches you will achieve little good. Although it is possible that this can provoke feelings in a person that will make him change. But having changed, he is unlikely to consider this your help and will not impute it to you as gratitude. This may cause problems later.

Even if he changes in some way, for the better, then the reproaches themselves can easily turn him away from you. Reproach is primarily aggression, not help, and aggression causes a response, whether visible or hidden inside a person.

2) Find the cause of his negative behavior. Find the essence. If he drinks, it is up to you to understand why, not what. It is clear that he feels good, he is high in this state, but there can be many reasons why he began to drink, except for the fact that it is pleasant and irresponsible. It is necessary to find the root of the problem itself, and this is sometimes the most difficult thing. To do this, you need all the same patience, the right questions, trust in you and a heart-to-heart talk.

3) Support is the most important thing you need. Good advice in right moment and your attention are required. Praise is needed - nothing invigorates so much as good word from the lips of a dear or simply respected person. Of course, people are different and sometimes, in addition to the gingerbread, you need a whip, but this whip should be without aggression, screams and ridicule.

The hardest and hardest fight is the fight With myself, with bad habits, different complexes, views, values in life and attitude to many things that need to be changed for their development and success.

4) If this person is really dear to you, try to analyze everything again - you and your attitude to this situation may need to change. After all some manners and habits in you are also not liked by a person close to you. And this is absolutely normal, because we are all different and everyone had their own upbringing.

Who told you that your views are correct? Take a closer look at yourself, maybe the problem is in you, it often happens. We must learn to accept people as they are, we are all not perfect, and in our rejection lies the main problem.

5) Apply some kind of reward system like: - "Kitten, please clean up your socks in the room, well, they are not very suitable as a decoration for an armchair, the color is not right, but for now I'll go and cook your favorite yummy for you." A good incentive, plus the right ones, sweet words can give a result, but .... not applicable to everyone.

There is a type of people for whom praise is a matter of course, other words or a combination of a stick and a carrot are needed here. Without practice you will not understand what is more effective, and what is of no use.

Simple shouting and putting a person in front of a choice is dangerous, it can make everything worse. Although in some cases, being confronted with a choice may be the only option for solving a serious problem. But this must be approached with all responsibility and analysis of the situation. (a woman) who is not indifferent to a man can always do (influence), and the husband will think that this is his idea, his thoughts and his actions.

Finally. In order for some changes to become stronger in the human mind and become a program of the subconscious, become irreversible, this takes time.

It may happen that a person has already begun to change, changes for the better begin to occur inside him, but they are still very unsteady. And if at a crucial moment, when doubts, lack of confidence, etc., may arise in him, he is not cheered up, prompted and pushed, then everything can return to the previous one. A period of up to three months, these changes that have begun, is not stable, but even further (up to a year), not everything is simple.

A person can be changed, it is possible, but difficult, but without his will - is simply impossible. In short, seeing a serious even before a deep relationship with him, no matter how it is and no matter what feelings you count on, think well and do not hope too much, there are no guarantees that he (a) will change. People rarely change.

Now friends, you know something and you can quit or start acting, but you it will take a lot of patience, time, not a little knowledge of psychology and desire get your way.. Good luck!