And although its author belonged to a different era, the lessons he described are relevant to this day. Despite its age and relatively small content, many grains of wisdom can be found in it, due to which it has had an immeasurable impact cultural influence for future generations. (A film was even made based on it and a parody book was written, “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.”)

Carnegie did an excellent job of covering the topics of communication, psychology, sales and self-development in one work. However, the area where the book is really interesting to entrepreneurs is leadership, and in this article we'll talk exactly about this.

12 things you will learn from this book

First, let's list the main reasons why you absolutely must read How to Win Friends and Influence People (if you haven't already done so). According to the author, this book:

1. It will get you out of a psychological rut and give you new thoughts, ideas, and ambitions.
2. Allows you to make friends quickly and easily.
3. Increase your popularity.
4. Helps you win people over to your point of view.
5. Will increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to achieve your goals.
6. Will allow you to get new clients, new buyers.
7. Will increase your profitability.
8. Will make you a better salesperson, a better performer.
9. Helps you deal with complaints, avoid disputes, and keeps your contacts easy and pleasant.
10. Improves your negotiation abilities. will make you an interesting conversationalist.
11. Makes the principles of psychology simpler for you so that you can apply them in daily communication.
12. Helps you create enthusiasm among your partners.

In addition, Carnegie outlines 9 principles for becoming a great leader - or, in his words, “how to change people without offending them or causing them to resent them.”

Thousands of works on leadership were written after Carnegie published his book, but it must be said that everything was already mentioned by him before.

So, let's look at the first 5 principles in more detail.

Principle 1: Start with Praise

Nobody likes to hear negative reviews, but critical judgment is essential for development, especially at work.

The best way to soften the blow is to start with a compliment before criticizing.

For example, you're working with a designer to create a new website for your brand, but what they come up with looks a little formulaic.

You can first compliment the elements you like and draw attention to everything that's good about the current version. Then make it clear that you need a more unconventional approach and bring specific examples what you mean.

Since you started with compliments, your colleague will not feel discouraged and will have positive attitude in the process of making changes.

Although this is not stated in the book, in this example The “sandwich” technique is used when you alternate 1 remark with 2 compliments. You start the conversation with praise, then insert a critical comment and end the conversation with a positive statement.

Sandwich method - simplest method avoid dissatisfaction of colleagues and subordinates with your criticism.

Principle 2: Bring attention to people's mistakes indirectly

Most of us don't know how to be sensitive enough when criticizing people, even when using the sandwich method. What's the problem?

“You did a great job closing your sales target this week, but several clients complained that you were too pushy.”

What's wrong with this phrase? We all hate hearing “but”, yet it doesn’t stop us from saying it to others.

As soon as people hear the word “but,” they immediately regard praise as the beginning of criticism. Carnegie recommends replacing “but” with “and” to shift the focus from criticism to encouragement.

“You've done a great job closing your sales target this week, and if you can soften your approach a little, you'll be ahead of the competition.”

Which option would you like to hear?

Principle 3: Talk about your mistakes first before criticizing others.

After applying this principle, it becomes noticeable a big difference in how people react to comments.

Nobody likes to be lectured and taught. We are much more receptive to criticism when the person criticizing is on the same level as us.

Carnegie gives an example where he hired his niece to be a secretary and was quite disappointed with the number of mistakes she made. But then he realized that he expected her to be as competent as himself, despite the fact that he had several decades more experience in business.

In the end, he convinced her that her mistakes were no worse than those he himself had made before, and then asked what she had learned.

When we allow ourselves to be more empathetic, we take on the role of mentor rather than “boss” and provide positive influence on subordinates.

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Just as no one likes criticism, by nature most of people don't like to take orders. Asking someone to do something is more effective because it gives people a choice.

Your team is not just a group of performers: each of them is an expert in their field.

Pay attention to perception following expressions: “Do it by 5 o’clock” and “Can you do it by 5 o’clock?”

The first sounds cold and firm, the second gives your subordinate the opportunity to influence the project and its deadlines. Instead of telling someone not to do something, ask if they have a better option.

This will allow the person to feel like they helped suggest a solution, even if you actually pointed them in the right direction.

This small change, but making a big difference.

Principle 5: Let the other person save face

“I have no right to say or do anything that will diminish a person in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think about him, but what he thinks about himself. Harming a person’s dignity is a crime,” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once wrote.

Just because we don't agree with someone else doesn't mean we can put them down.

When you are about to criticize, put yourself in that person's shoes and ask yourself what approach would you like in a similar situation?

Avoid delivering bad news publicly or otherwise humiliating people.

Not only is this a terrible thing to do, but it will also negatively impact how people around you perceive you. This behavior can destroy a company's culture.

Regardless of who your criticism concerns, you should show people respect.

Want to learn more of Dale Carnegie's principles?

If you want to learn the remaining 4 principles from Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and start applying them to your life, we recommend that you read the entire book.

13.08.2017

Book How to Win Friends and Influence People in summary. Summary. Book Review

I wrote this book as tutorial for use in his own courses. The book has long become a classic of popular psychology, since everyone wants to have a large number of friends, more influence and more luck. The book will just help you make these desires come true.

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Book Review

Book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” sets out a method of relationships with people, the effectiveness of which has been verified by more than twenty years of experience and experience in training businessmen and specialists.

Basic techniques for getting closer to people

If you want to get honey, don't knock over the hive!

Refrain from criticizing other people. Criticism is useless, because it puts a person in a defensive position and encourages him to look for an excuse for himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it hurts a person’s precious feeling. self-esteem, deals a blow to his idea of self-importance and arouses in him a feeling of resentment and indignation.

A fool can criticize, condemn, and express dissatisfaction. And most fools do just that
Instead of judging people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to understand why they act this way and not otherwise. It's infinitely more profitable and interesting

The Greatest Secret to Communicating with People

There is only one way to convince someone to do something - to make someone else want to do it. There is no other way.

The only way The only way to persuade you to do something is to offer you what you want.

One of the most powerful human needs is awareness of one's own importance.

If some people crave the feeling of significance so much that they actually go crazy to get it, imagine what wonderful results we can achieve in our relationships with people by sincerely recognizing their significance.

What is the difference between appreciation and flattery? The first is sincere, the second is not. The first comes from the heart, the second - through the teeth. The first is true, the second is false. The first evokes universal admiration, the second - universal contempt.

Six ways to win people over

1. Show genuine interest in people.

There is one way in the sublunary world to influence another person: this is to talk to him about what is the object of his desires, and show him how to achieve it.

One person, by showing a genuine interest in people, can make more friends in two months than another person can make in two years by trying his best to get them interested in him.

If we want to make friends, let's do something that requires our time, energy, unselfish feelings and consideration for others.

2. Smile!

Actions “speak” louder than words, and a smile “says”: “I like you. You make me happy. I'm glad to see you".
You must greet people with joy if you want them to be happy to meet you.
What you have, or who you are, or where you are does not make you happy or unhappy. What makes you so is what you think about it.

3. Remember that for a person, the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound of human speech!

However, one of the simplest, but at the same time effective and important ways The key to getting people on your side is remembering names and making people feel important.
Be good listener and encourage others to spread the word!

4. Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves!

The eternal complainer and the fiercest critic will be pacified and softened by the mere presence of a patient and sympathetic listener who will remain silent while they present their arguments.

To become interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the other person will be happy to answer. Encourage him to talk about himself and his achievements.

5. Conduct a conversation in the circle of interests of your interlocutor!

“For four years I have been trumpeting into this man’s ears that I want to get an order from him, and I would have trumpeted just as long if I had not taken the trouble to find out what he is interested in and what he likes to talk about.”

6. Make people feel important and do it sincerely!

The most important law of human behavior is: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Every person you meet feels superior to you in some way. And the most Right way to his heart is to give him thin form understand that you recognize his significance in his small world, and admit it sincerely

This technique works great for any person. Talk to a person about himself, and he will listen to you for hours

There is only one way in the sublunary world to achieve the best best result in a dispute - this is to avoid an argument

Twelve ways to persuade people to your point of view

1. The only way to achieve a better result in an argument is to avoid the argument.

2. Show respect for the opinions of others. Never tell a person that he is wrong.

3. If you make a mistake, admit it immediately and sincerely.

4. Be friendly first.

5. Let your interlocutor be forced to answer you “yes” from the very beginning.

6. Give your interlocutor the opportunity to speak out.

7. Make your interlocutor feel that the idea belongs to him.

8. Honestly try to see things from the other person's point of view.

9. Show empathy for the thoughts and desires of others.

10. Appeal to noble motives.

11. Make your ideas visual, stage them.

12. Challenge!

Nine ways to change a person without offending him or causing resentment

1. Start with praise and sincere recognition of the person's dignity.

2. Draw people's attention to their mistakes, doing it indirectly.

3. Before criticizing another person, talk about your own own mistakes.

4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.

6. Praise a person for every success, even the most modest, and be sincere in your recognition and generous with praise.

7. Create a good name for a person so that he begins to live in accordance with it.

8. Use encouragement. Make sure that the shortcoming that you want to correct in a person seems easy to fix, and the thing you want to engage him with seems easy to do.

9. Make people happy to do what you want.

The book was written almost a hundred years ago and has long become a classic, but its practical recommendations are still applicable in our time. Dale Carnegie was observant and wise man, and people still value sincerity and sociability, so the advice is not outdated.

This book, published in 1936, has long become a classic collection useful tips, life observations and practical recommendations for constructive communication. “How to Win Friends...” became popular immediately - more than a million copies were sold in the first year. Since then, the book has been reprinted many times in many languages, it has not left the bestseller ratings for ten years, and no one has yet managed to break this record.

A little about the author

When, in the forties of the last century, the creator of the bestseller, smiling, told the audience how easy it was to manipulate others, the halls were crowded. He received not money, but also fame, which he hardly dreamed of. The great American orator, who inspired listeners and readers that to be happy, it is enough to get rid of anxiety and anger, was born into a poor farming family. His childhood was not without worries - he had to get up at three o'clock in the morning to milk the cow, and the family did not have money for clothes for their son.

Carnegie went to college and constantly had complexes due to poverty. At this time the decision was made. Athletes and debating society members were popular in college. Soon Dale achieved such success in rhetoric that many students agreed to learn from him the ability to hang noodles on their ears.

After graduating from college, Carnegie planned to open oratorical school, but Missouri farmers were not interested in the arts of communication and persuasion. He had to make a living by trading soap and bacon - traveling salesman Carnegie traveled around the country in freight cars and convinced Americans to buy something from him. It must be said that his talent as a speaker helped him save money and move to New York. After some time, Carnegie got a job as a teacher at a school.

At the age of 23, Dale became popular, people went to his lectures so that he could influence people, and his brochures were still bought “warm.” The first book appeared on store shelves. Oratory and influencing business partners,” sales were good. From that time on, Dale Carnegie became a popular lecturer and guru of the art of communication, earned a fortune and was full of energy and plans. Unfortunately, an incurable disease interrupted his life at the age of 66. Carnegie wrote several books, collections of his lectures were published, but most famous book remained “How to win friends...”. Dale Carnegie's recipes remain relevant, and the book is written in his characteristic simple and understandable manner. The recommendations seem too simple, but you can be convinced of their effectiveness if you follow the advice of communication master Dale Carnegie.

Smile to be liked at first sight

The easiest way to demonstrate location is. We involuntarily develop sympathy for people who smile at us when we meet. If the interlocutor sees that you enjoy communication, he will inevitably write about you good impression. Moreover, by smiling, we level up our emotional condition, since the communication is two-way. If you don't have too much good mood, smile - and you will see it.

Don't criticize people

Our behavior first of all, and only then our mind. When you point out someone's mistakes, even if it is fair, the person will feel hurt and begin to look for excuses and objections.

It’s easy to judge; it’s much more difficult to understand and forgive mistakes. Understand the motives of another person's actions, and you will win him over. Refuse open criticism and often express approval - everyone likes praise. An inspired and invigorated person will be more helpful than someone you try to intimidate with punishment for poor performance.

Be sincere

You will not achieve favor with rude flattery; the falsehood will be seen through and the effect will be the opposite. Rate positive sides interlocutor and focus attention on them. Respect and take others seriously, appreciate their work and express sincere approval. The response will be sympathy and a desire to cooperate.

Show genuine interest in the other person

Each of us is primarily interested in ourselves, so we like people who share this interest. To be considered a pleasant conversationalist, learn to talk less and listen more. , to which the interlocutor wants to answer, and let him speak. Listen with interest, without interruptions or distractions.

It is impossible to win an argument, never argue

It is almost impossible to convince your interlocutor during the bickering process - each side becomes stronger in its own rightness. Even if you prove that you are right, your opponent will despise your arguments and you. It is wiser not to get involved in controversy. You may not share the other side's point of view, but listening to arguments is always more useful than rushing into battle. If an argument is unavoidable, maintain your composure and never tell your interlocutor that he is wrong - this is a blow to your self-esteem. State your point of view something like this: “I think differently, but I could be wrong. Let's figure it out together."

The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was published 80 years ago, but Dale Carnegie’s wise advice has not lost its relevance. Vault simple rules, non-compliance with which complicates life, ruins careers, and unique technique conflict-free existence tested by several generations successful people and deserve attention and trust.

Hello friends!

In 1936, a book was published in the United States that was destined to change the attitude of many millions of people to the world. It has been read and continues to be read; the methods proposed by the author have still not lost their relevance. In some ways, it has become a classic among guides to communicating with people. And you’ve probably either read or at least heard its title and author’s name: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Manipulation or effective communication?

What is written in it can be treated differently. Some critics accuse the author of teaching how to manipulate others. But doesn’t a baby manipulate his mother’s behavior by crying when he lets her know that he is hungry or needs to change his diapers? Or could a boss get results from his subordinates without manipulating their behavior?

Sing Sing Prison Warden Lowes claims that “only a few criminals in this prison consider themselves bad people. From their point of view, they are people just like you and me. They can tell you why they were forced to break into a safe or open fire.”

This is how problems are solved by those who do not want to manipulate others. It is clear that this is an extreme case; not everyone engages in antisocial actions due to misunderstandings with others. But a breakdown in relationships between friends, lovers, siblings, or even parents and children is a more common consequence of poor communication.

Therefore, instead of wasting time on grievances, arguments, quarrels, and showdowns, isn’t it better to learn such constructive manipulation that will make life easier for both you and other people?

Main ideas

Dale Carnegie's main message consists of the following points:

1. Criticism does not bring the desired result, since people tend to defend their rightness even when their behavior is obviously incorrect.
2. For a person to do what you need, he must want to do it.
3. Babysitting and flattery will not achieve what you want, only complete sincerity.
4. To influence a person, offer him what he wants.
5. Show genuine interest in people if you want them to be interested in you.
6. Show that you are pleased to communicate with your interlocutors, be friendly and smile.
7. Take the time to remember the name of the person with whom fate brought you together, important personal information about him and use it when the opportunity arises.
8. Listen to the person's problems and let him know that you fully share his position.
9. Talk about what interests your interlocutor and sincerely admire his achievements.
10. Don’t forget about politeness: “thank you”, “please”, “be kind” - this is not just a figure of speech, but a sign of respect for another person.
11. Avoid saying that a person is wrong, but be sure to admit you are wrong if you are wrong.

Dale Carnegie shares his advice with plenty of real-life examples. famous people and your friends. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and other outstanding historical figures succeeded in this - why not adopt their methods of communication?

Answers to possible objections

Does he teach you to lie to get what you want? In no case. From chapter to chapter, a red thread runs through the idea: all these things must be done from the heart. And to do this, you need to learn to “wear another person’s shoes” - to understand and accept his position.

Judging from your point of view, you cannot understand a person. Do you disagree with his opinion? But behind your position is your personal experience, as well as his opinion. Even without sharing someone else's point of view, you can find positive features in another person. But only if you set the task to find it.

Accepting someone else's position does not mean making excuses for wrong actions - you will simply understand what guided the person when making a decision. This will free you from uncontrollable emotions and, as a result, the decision will be made not in a fit of anger or resentment, but adequately to the situation.

Is Carnegie's advice universal? Within the framework of civilized communication, of course, yes. A person who has learned to masterfully gain trust will be able to do this even more extreme conditions. This is exactly how negotiators operate between opposing parties. But if you do this insincerely, then there is no need to complain that the techniques proposed by Carnegie did not work. Maybe the reason is not in them, but in you?

Let's go through the contents

How to Win Friends and Influence People has six parts.

• The first is devoted to the basic methods of dealing with people.
• In the second, Carnegie offers six rules that will help other people like you.
• The third part presents twelve rules that will help calm a dispute and persuade a person to the desired point of view.
• In the fourth, you will learn nine rules on how to influence people without insulting or hurting their feelings.
• The fifth part tells how to convince people in correspondence.
• The sixth will be useful for married couples who plan to live happily ever after for the rest of their lives.

The advice that Carnegie gives will also apply to everyday communication, and in relationships with colleagues, bosses can also learn a lot of useful things for working with subordinates. The most amazing thing is that the advice given by the author remains relevant to this day. And not all books that were considered brilliant at the time of publication survive this test of time. Dale Carnegie's books passed this test with honor. Therefore, they undoubtedly should be read. And if you listen and take into account what the author suggests, then one fine day you may suddenly discover that you have much more friends.

I still have the book from my grandmother, if you don’t have it, you can look at it here. See you in touch!

In 1936, a book entitled “How to Win Friends and Influence People” first appeared on the shelves of American bookstores. In less than a year, over a million copies were sold. The popularity of the creation of the famous lecturer and speaker grew. The book has been translated into dozens of other languages ​​and remains a bestseller to this day.

What is the book?

Despite the fact that the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was published several decades ago, it remains relevant to this day. To write it, the author used a living colloquial, seasoned with a fair amount of humor. There are no confusing terms or boring descriptions of clinical trials here - the reader is offered various examples from the lives of people, and not only public and historical important personalities, but also ordinary students of Dale Carnegie.

Reviews from readers indicate that the book contains great amount useful tips. No, manipulation or deception techniques are not described here. The author only helps you learn to communicate with people with sincere, genuine respect.

How to make friends? Show genuine interest

If you don't have time to study carefully this book, then you can become familiar with the basic principles that really work in everyday communication. What does D. Carnegie advise? How to really win friends?

The author believes that an important key to proper communication is a sincere interest in the lives of other people. Every person needs attention from the interlocutor. Of course, falsehood and insincerity will be immediately exposed and will only create problems. Therefore, when communicating, always be interested in a person’s life, his personal problems and joys.

By the way, a famous lecturer and speaker recommends memorizing as much information as possible. For example, his name is important for every person - this is something that should not be forgotten. If you find it difficult to keep certain facts in your head, keep a special notebook in which you will write down not only the names of new people, but also their birthdays (everyone likes to receive congratulations), information about their hobbies, interests, family, and important events.

Respect other people's opinions

In his book “How to Win Friends...” Carnegie draws attention to and the ability to adequately relate to the opinions of others. This does not mean at all that you can win someone over only on the condition that you always agree on everything.

Of course, you can always express disagreement, explain own position, provide your arguments. However, you should not argue furiously, prove the irrelevance of your interlocutor’s thoughts, and, especially, stoop to insults. Respect the human right to own opinion, even if you consider it incorrect. Differences in personal principles are not always a reason to end a relationship.

Admit your mistakes

What else can you learn from Carnegie's How to Win Friends? The author gives examples of people who are simply unable to admit their own mistakes. Probably everyone has at least one acquaintance who is constantly trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own unsuccessful actions. If this person did something wrong, it is always due to external factors.

This kind of disclaimer irritates and often turns people off. That is why the author recommends honestly admitting your mistakes - both to other people and to yourself. Unfortunately, no one is immune from the wrong choice, and this is quite normal. You shouldn’t deny yourself or those around you the right to make mistakes.

How to win friends? Empathy is the basis of fruitful relationships

The author states that one of the keys to successful communication is empathy. Under no circumstances should you judge someone for this or that action, especially if you personally have never had to face such a choice.

Want to know about how to win friends? The answer is simple - develop the ability to empathize, sympathize and always put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor. Can you see the world through another person's eyes? Can you understand someone else's point of view? Can you imagine yourself in the same situation as your interlocutor? Yes? Then you are on the right track.

Don't try to change someone

This is one of the most important rules building good relationships. It is worth recognizing that all people are different. Each person has his own story, character, strengths and, of course, disadvantages. And you have to come to terms with this.

By the way, in in this case we're talking about not just about communicating with strangers. This rule is also effective in personal relationships. If you don’t like some quality of your business partner, spouse, friend’s relative, then you shouldn’t try to change them to your own standards - it’s selfish, to say the least. Learn to accept and respect a person completely, with all his oddities and shortcomings.

Learn not only to hear, but also to listen

Why is it important? As already mentioned, every person wants attention. By listening to your interlocutor, you show your interest. You put a person at ease, help him open up and feel at ease. In addition, in this way you demonstrate to your interlocutor that his opinion is really important to you.

By listening carefully you can gain a lot useful information. And here we are talking not only about communicating with new people. The ability to listen and understand has a positive effect on relationships between spouses, parents and children, relatives, and friends. Believe me, if you give a person a chance to speak out, he will give you the same opportunity.

What about criticism?

Are you researching how to win friends? D. Carnegie's book gives a lot of useful advice.

From time to time, every person is faced with the need to point out a person's shortcomings. For example, if you have subordinates, then you probably sometimes have to point out mistakes in their work. Alas, criticism is necessary, but it can be presented in different ways.

In his book, the author advises to refrain from harsh comments. If you want to win someone over and help him open up, then sometimes it’s worth talking about your own mistakes and the ways that helped you correct them.

Always start with praise. Any person, be it a subordinate or a relative, always has something to praise for. First, note the positive aspects of the interlocutor’s activities, pay attention to his positive traits, and only then start talking about mistakes. Criticism should not be rude or insulting—calmly point out to your interlocutor the flaw in his work and help him correct the situation.

Finally

In fact, the advice that Dale Carnegie gives is effective always and everywhere. You can use them to work with potential business partners or employees, to build good relations with your wife/husband, children, neighbors, friends. Moreover, these rules of communication will help you find peace, look at the world from a different angle, improve and grow above yourself.

By the way, this is far from the only book author. One of the world-famous bestsellers is “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” Readers will also find the book “ Little known facts from the lives of famous people." And, of course, Dale Carnegie wrote several works regarding his main activity, namely, oratory. If you have problems with public speaking, then you should check out books such as Public Speaking and Influencing Business Partners and How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.