Eleven phrases that smart people never say. "As you know, many people"

Words sometimes fail us, although we speak hackneyed expressions. According to the conversation, others evaluate the interlocutor and his level of human intelligence. Watch your language.

What phrases do smart people never say?

1. "It's always been done that way." Modern world develops very quickly and what was normal recently becomes obsolete in a month. This phrase shows a person as lazy and incapable of change.

2. "It's not fair." Everyone knows that life is unfair. But the one who says it looks naive, stupid and immature. Try to be more constructive and factual.

3. "You always..." Generalization does not allow to establish communication, but looks like criticism. Healthy conversation will not come out of this.

4. "I'll try." These words indicate that you doubt your abilities and capabilities. These are the words of extremely insecure and weak people.

5. "That might be a dumb idea/question." Such phrases undermine your authority, and people are critical of the interlocutor in advance.

6. "I can't." When people hear this, they think it is tantamount to "I won't" and "I don't want to." So you don't try and do your best, even though you could.

7. "No problem." By saying this to a person, we mean that this was a problem, but we level our help and reduce the significance. It's better to say "please".

8. "He's lazy/stupid/weird." Disparaging words about your friend or colleague show you are not better side. Saying this, the interlocutor thinks that you can say the same about him. You will be treated worse.

9. "I hate work / business / occupation." Such a phrase makes a person a whiner, a skeptic and a pessimist. And they don't like these people.

10. "It's not my fault." Do not shift the blame on others - it looks ugly. Also, if a person makes excuses, then he is already half to blame. It is better to state all the facts proving innocence. The interlocutor will make the conclusion you need.

What phrases should still be on the list in your opinion?

And he was a goat, of course. It is customary to console friends with similar phrases who have just experienced a breakup. But in fact, you tell her: “What a fool you are, you should have spent so much time on a person who is not worthy of you. Where were your eyes? Agree, this is such a consolation. More like an attempt to humiliate.

You look great for your age!

Sometimes it’s better to lie, honestly: you don’t care, but a person is pleased. And so - quite, at first glance, a neutral phrase turns into a condescending consolation: yes, you still hoo, old woman!

I try, but I can't!

It sounds very, very cute if you are 10 years old. Then, you know, it’s somehow already undignified: either change tactics, or recognize the goal as unattainable and forget about it. But don't beg for emotional strokes for not accomplishing anything.

I have achieved everything myself!

The image of the heroic draft horse is no longer popular, this time. And two - all that you have achieved, you have achieved not in an abstract picture of the world, but in real life. And in it you are surrounded by real people who, in fact, somehow helped you achieve what you dreamed of. And discounting their help is ugly.

Popular

It's not fair!

And there are no unicorns roaming around. Strange, right?

Maybe I'm going to say something stupid, but...

Come on, humiliate yourself completely! Of course, you will say nonsense, what else can you say with such and such an introductory? Or are you just going to give your opinion? Then why, let me ask you, do you warn others in advance that your opinion cannot be smart?

I told you!

Well, yes, well, yes, you are the smartest here, and all around are fools who did not listen to you. And here you are! We're willing to bet anything that you won't poke your kitten's nose into the puddle it just made because it's cruel. But, you know, poking people's noses into their mistakes is also not exactly a good deed.

Oh, it happened to me too!

Well, you're inventing a problem out of the blue!

The only thing that prevents you from giving the right answer to this phrase is politeness. In general, the correct answer sounds something like this: “Why on earth do you imagine yourself to be the standard measure of other people's problems?” And really, with what?

And do you love me?

Well, you do understand that this is just a senseless clogging of the ether, right?

We all said things that took on meaning for those around us. An ordinary phrase spoken for encouragement can turn into a terrible hint - it's all about the mood of a person who is able to interpret your every word in his own way. We just don't have enough social mobility in order to accurately understand all the underlying meanings of what was said. We are too focused on our behavior and do not notice the action rendered on the interlocutor - and in fact, not using the power of the word to the fullest is simply stupid.

• I could
• Not bad idea
• Wow, you've lost weight!
• You've really rejuvenated!
• However
• You look tired
• Don't be offended, but
• I may be wrong but
• As you know, many people
• She didn't deserve you

I could

The very beginning of the phrase tells the interlocutor that you are not going to do something. You can use this wording in an extremely limited number of cases: if you are threatening, if you feel immeasurably superior to your counterpart, and if you simply do not think when you speak.

Not bad idea

It just sounds great - "not a bad idea." What does this even mean? Did you like it? You didn't like it and you just don't want to offend? Don't be afraid to be more categorical in your judgments. This is a much better solution than leaving the interlocutor at a loss.

Wow, you've lost weight!

Great compliment, indeed. It will be especially pleasant to hear this for a person who has always been shy of his excess weight. An extra reminder of the problems - The best way bring on an ill-wisher. Try not to make this mistake.

You've really rejuvenated!

Try to say a similar phrase to a girl. It would be better to perform this trick over the phone: even so, you can be sure that you have made yourself a lot of trouble. No one likes the extra mention of irretrievably gone years.

However

This one word is enough to turn the whole meaning of everything said before. “We are the largest company in this area, we can do any order, however, this is what we are not able to do.” Seems like a pathetic excuse. Do not belittle your dignity with such petty tricks.

You look tired

Tired people are incredibly attractive - they have dull eyes, tangled hair, problems with concentration and, of course, they are very happy to see everyone around. The statement of the fact “you look tired” has not helped anyone yet. One such phrase can spoil the mood for the whole day - that's why you should remove it from your vocabulary once and for all.

Don't be offended, but

Double negatives have never done anyone any good. By starting a sentence in this way, you are already setting the person up for self-defense. Everything that you say in the future will not make any sense to the listener: he will remember only the main message. Do not use this phrase unless you want to deliberately piss off the interlocutor.

I may be wrong but

Another way to negate all subsequent words. Don't try to insure yourself against possible error- no one will appreciate it. Doubt the correctness of your judgment, but think that you should express it? Deprive your words of all "saving" words and phrases. Confidence is the first thing people remember.

As you know, many people

Who knows? And who are these thousands of knowledgeable people? To build a phrase in this way means to show in advance your ignorance of the subject of the conversation. A person who knows the material will not resort to such vague wording, designed only to divert the attention of the interlocutor.

She didn't deserve you

Of course, because your interlocutor does not know how to understand people at all and problems with own self-esteem force him to choose a partner of lower rank over and over again. At least, that's how this phrase sounds from the outside. The ideal option will not interfere in other people's relationships at all, but if this happened, then try, at least, to avoid such clichés.

There are phrases that you simply should never say at work.

These phrases have special power: they have an inexplicable ability to put you in a bad light, even if your words are the ultimate truth.

And, worst of all, the word is not a sparrow, way back after their pronunciation will be gone.

Often these are just subtle remarks that make us appear incompetent and insecure, and do the most damage.

Regardless of how talented you are and what your main merits are, there are certain phrases that forever change the opinion of other people about you, and at the same time create a negative halo around you forever. These phrases are so charged with negativity that they can ruin your career in no time.

How many of these phrases have you already heard in your office?

1. "It's not fair"

Everyone knows that life is not fair. By saying that something is dishonest, you show that you think life should be fair, which in turn makes you look immature and naive.

If you don't want to make yourself look bad, you should always stick to the facts, stay constructive, and keep your own interpretation of events out of the way. For example, you might say, "I noticed that you assigned Ann to big project which I had high hopes for. Could you tell me what influenced your decision? I would like to know why you decided that I am not the best choice to this place so that I can somehow improve my skills.

2. "We've always done it this way"

Technological change happens so quickly that even a process that was fine-tuned six months ago may not be relevant today. Saying that something has “always been done this way” not only makes you sound like a slacker and change fighter, but it can make your boss question why you don’t try to improve work processes yourself. If you really have always done things in the same way, then there is always a way to make them even better.

3. "No problem"

When someone asks you for a favor or thanks you for something and you tell them "no problem," you're implying that their request might be a problem. This phrase makes people think that they somehow loaded you.

You, in turn, should demonstrate to people that you are happy doing your job. Say something along the lines of "Glad to help" or "Would love to help with this." It's only a fine line in language, but she has a huge impact on people.

4. “I think…/This might be a bad idea…/I’ll ask a stupid question….”

These overly passive phrases constantly reduce your credibility in the eyes of other people. Even if these phrases accompany some great idea, others will think that you lack confidence, which means people will not be able to be confident in yourself.

Don't be your own worst critic. If you yourself are not confident in your words, then no one else will be confident in them either. And, even if you really don’t know something, say: “I don’t have the necessary information right now, but I will definitely clarify this question and let you know about it.”

5. "It only takes a minute"

By saying this, you downplay your own skills and give the impression that you are breaking through work tasks. Unless the task actually only takes you 60 seconds to complete, feel free to say that the job won't take long, but phrase it in a way that people don't think the task can be completed before you need time in reality.

6. "I'll try"

Just like the word “think”, “will try” makes you sound cautious, as if you lack confidence in your own ability to cope with the task. Take full responsibility for your abilities. If you are asked to do something, agree to do it or offer an alternative, but never say you will try as it will sound like you won't try hard.

7. "He's lazy/incompetent/stupid"

You definitely won’t get any benefit from a disparaging remark towards a colleague. If your remark is accurate, then everyone will know about it anyway, so there is no point in pointing out obvious things once again. If your remark is not too accurate, then you run the risk of becoming a fool yourself.

There will always be rude and incompetent people, and it is highly likely that other colleagues will have the same opinion about them. If you do not have the opportunity to help them improve or fire them, then you will not achieve anything by speaking out loud about their shortcomings. Voicing your colleague's incompetence from the outside looks like an attempt to seem better yourself against his background. Your rudeness will inevitably lead to the fact that other colleagues will begin to think negatively about you.

8. "It's not on my to-do list."

This often sarcastic phrase makes you sound like you're only going to do the bare minimum in order to get what you're supposed to. wages, which will negatively affect the safety of your workplace.

If your boss asks you to do something that is not part of the list of duties of your position (if, of course, this request is morally and ethically acceptable), then the best solution is to perform this task with enthusiasm. Then set up a meeting with your boss where you offer to discuss your role in the company and ask if your personal to-do list should be updated. In this way, you are very likely to avoid making your role look too small. In addition, this scenario will allow you and your boss to establish a long-term understanding of what you should and should not do in your current position.

9. "It's not my fault"

Blaming someone is almost always a bad idea. Be responsible. If you hold any position - even the smallest one - if something goes wrong, take responsibility for it. If not, then offer a solution to the problem, explain what exactly happened wrong. Stick to the facts and let your bosses and colleagues decide for themselves who to blame for the situation.

The moment you start blaming someone else, people around you start to see you as someone who lacks the ability to take responsibility for their own actions. This makes people even more nervous. Some people will try not to work with you when they get the chance, while others will strike first and blame you if something goes wrong.

10. "I can't"

"I can't" is the cousin of "it's not my fault". People don't like to hear that you can't do something because they think you just don't want to do it. By saying "I can't" you are saying that you will not try your best to get the job done.

If you really cannot do something because you lack the necessary skills, then you need to offer an alternative solution to this problem. Instead of saying what you can't do, say what you can do.

For example, instead of saying "I can't stay late today," say that you can come early tomorrow. Instead of "I can't do these calculations," say, "I don't know how to do this kind of analysis yet. Do we have anyone who could tell me how to do this correctly?”.

11. "I hate this job"

The last line no one wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. By voicing such a thought, you demonstrate that you are - negative person which in turn lowers group morale. Bosses are quick to spot these disruptors of group morale and know they can always be replaced by more enthusiastic people who are now looking for work.

Summing up

One has only to remove these phrases from your vocabulary as you will immediately feel the benefit of this solution. the main problem these phrases - they strive to jump off your tongue absolutely imperceptibly, so you should catch yourself on such thoughts in time until you finally have a habit of completely refusing to express them.

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the renowned co-author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmaer, the world's leading development testing and coaching company. emotional intelligence, serving more than 75 percent of the Fortune 500 companies. His best-selling book has been translated into 25 languages ​​and is available in over 150 countries. Dr. Bradbury has contributed to Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.

Travis Bradberry, LinkedIn

19.10.2016 09:00

These seemingly innocuous statements can greatly harm a career, warns psychologist and business consultant Travis Bradbury. Avoid them, even when they seem appropriate and don't offend anyone.

"It's not fair"

Yes, life is unfair, and believe me: everyone already knows. If you start complaining about this out loud, then you expect more from the world than it can give, and you involuntarily look like an inexperienced and naive person.

Give facts instead of describing your attitude to them. Here is an example of a suitable statement when the boss’s decision is unfair, in your opinion: “I heard that new project in the end, another employee will perform. May I know why you didn't entrust it to me? I would like to improve my skills."

"We've always done it this way"

Technologies are so rapidly changing the business environment, and not only it, that any decision may be hopelessly outdated in a matter of months. Therefore, reminding that “it has always been like this,” people often just demonstrate their own laziness and unpreparedness for the new. For the boss, this is a good reason to ask why his subordinate has not yet tried to change the usual order of own initiative without waiting for the "magic kick".

"No problems"

And what, they can arise? Saying “no problem” or “no problem” in response to a request or words of gratitude, thereby transparently hinting that the interlocutor is capable of causing you inconvenience, and forcing him to feel obligated to you. It is unlikely that anyone will like it.

It’s better to shift the focus a little and say that it’s a pleasure for you to provide the required service: something like “Contact me, I’m always glad!” or “I’ll do it with pleasure!” The meaning does not change much, but these phrases affect people in a completely different way.

"Maybe I'm going to say something stupid, but..."

Here between the lines one can read the uncertainty about the correctness of what you are going to offer. This prompts the audience to immediately distrust your words - even if further we will talk about the smartest things.

You should not act as a judge for yourself and undermine your authority. Avoid turns like “I’m probably going to ask a stupid question...”, “It may seem strange, but...” And if you really don’t know something and therefore are not sure that you are right, then promise to find the missing information and return to the topic later.

"It only takes a minute"

Here is the best way to minimize your work in the eyes of the interlocutor. And at the same time create the impression that you are working in the "gallop across Europe" mode. This phrase can be pronounced only in one case: when you are in literally You can do everything in 60 seconds. In no case should the interlocutor think that you will need less time and effort than it will in reality.

"Ok, I'll try"

The words “I’ll try” and “I’ll think about it” don’t really oblige anything. These are signals that you doubt whether you will cope with the task. It is always better to take responsibility: either clearly agree to complete the assignment, or offer an alternative. "I'll try" sounds like you won't really try too hard.

"He's dumb, lazy, incompetent"

Disparaging remarks about a colleague with whom you are unhappy will definitely not add points to you. If he deserves criticism, others know it or will soon understand without you. If it doesn’t deserve it, you will simply look narrow-minded yourself.

In almost any team there are people who are both incompetent and ill-mannered. Help them become better - or fire them, and if you can’t, then there’s no need to talk nasty things. In addition, accusations of someone else's lack of professionalism often look like an attempt to assert themselves at the expense of others.

"It's not in the contract"

A phrase that can only be pronounced sarcastically, because with such an approach, it is unlikely that anyone will be able to make a career. If the boss assigns work that does not fit your position, it is best not to refuse and do it carefully. And after that, you can talk with him about your role in the company and what responsibilities will be assigned to you in the future. Of course we are talking not about those situations where the assignment is contrary to your moral principles or ethics.

"It is not my fault"

Looking for someone to blame - not at all the best activity as well as shifting responsibility for their actions to others. If you had anything to do with what happened, say so, if not, impartially explain what happened. Give the facts, and let the leader or colleagues draw their own conclusions about someone's guilt.

As soon as you start pointing the arrows at others, you will be perceived as a person who avoids responsibility. It annoys everyone. Some will no longer want to take on joint work with you, others will next time be proactive and blame you for any failures until you have time to blame them.

"I cant"

When people hear "I can't", they take it as "I won't". If you really lack the authority or skills to perform a task, explain what exactly you are able to do in this case. That is, instead of stating “I can’t,” tell me about what you can.

Example: instead of “I can’t stay up late today” - “I can come early tomorrow morning. Will it work?" Another example: instead of “I can’t process these numbers” - “I don’t know how to analyze this information yet. Can someone help me so I can do it on my own next time?”

"I hate this job"

This is definitely the last thing colleagues and leaders want to hear from you. Such statements not only characterize the speaker, but also have a bad effect on the moral climate in the team. A good boss will quickly figure out the "troublemaker" and take action, especially if there are many who want to take the place of the disgruntled at the door.