Why nobody needs us. Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors

Everyone has such days when it seems that the whole world doesn’t care about us, thoughts float in my head - “nobody needs me”, “everything is bad”. But sometimes this feeling accompanies not just certain periods of time - it becomes a part of life. Oh yes, people can be interested by asking the standard “How are you?”, for example, at lunchtime at work. But after a working day, a person returns home and willy-nilly begins to wonder: what to do if no one needs you?

What can really be done if this feeling of loneliness comes? Let's look at a few tips to help you deal with it.

First, you can try the following exercise. Make your own memory album. You can conditionally name it, for example, "Love bit by bit." It is best to view it in advance, not yet in a state of depression. To create your own "love album" you need to collect all the good memories in one place.
These can be vacation photos where you have fun with friends; or those on which close people hug you - parents, grandparents. They will serve as confirmation that there are and will be people on earth who care about you. When you feel that no one needs you, you will only need to open this album again to remind yourself of this. It does not have to be in paper form; you can create a collection on your desktop computer.
Tip #2: Don't Let the Attention Fool You. Since attention has the property of switching and selectivity in relation to objects of the external world, it is sometimes very easy to fall into confusion about other people. For example, you can consider yourself the loneliest person in the world if the concierge, after two years of work, did not bother to remember your name, and also if the only person who congratulated you on your birthday last year was a second cousin. Falling into negative feelings about this, you can, for example, very easily miss the fact that five minutes ago your girlfriend wrote you an SMS message just like that.
Learn to cope with the reality around you, accepting it as it is.. Yes, you heard right. No friend or therapist can take you out of the reality you are in. There have always been, are and will be people who really don't care about you; who, under no pretext, would go on dates with you or become your friends. However, it is absolutely necessary to continue to cultivate a sense of self-worth, self-acceptance. Be honest with yourself about your positive qualities. Never underestimate them.
In working on yourself, do not neglect the use of well-known measures. It's about about such tips as switching attention to any activity, taking exercise, or a short rest at a time when you feel especially lonely. There are several reasons for using these techniques. Firstly, this tactic will help you avoid many troubles, such as street fights, big money spending or alcohol abuse. The second reason is the fact that we all tend to perceive reality distortedly in moments of despair. In particular, it is worth "slowing down" a little if you need to take certain solutions or act.
Know your attachment style, and learn to be tolerant of the attachment style of others. Even if he is avoidant. This does not mean that you need to seek friendship with those who do not want to communicate with you by all means. But it does mean accepting who these people are, what they are.
In total, there are several styles of attachment: this is a confident style, anxious-ambivalent and avoidant. Confident formed in childhood, provided that the parents give the child enough care and attention, do not ignore his needs. These kids grow up enough determined people capable of building harmonious, trust-based relationships.
Anxiously ambivalent style is characteristic of those who, on the contrary, experienced a lack of parental love in childhood, especially in those moments when they needed it most. These kids grow up anxious people often they experience difficulties in relationships. And it is they, unfortunately, who most often ask this question: how to live on if no one needs you?
The avoidant style is characteristic of children whose parents constantly rejected their needs. In experiments conducted by scientists, infants with this type of attachment practically did not react to the appearance of their mother after separation. The formation of an avoidant attachment style also affects the ability to build full-fledged relationships with people in the future.
Ironically, very often people with opposite types of attachment enter into relationships. For example, a girl who is ready to send batches of SMS every day starts dating a young man who forgets his phone at work every other day. Such relationships are not uncommon. Therefore, you need to treat both yourself and the other person with understanding. And one more thing: you can try to change your behavior if you regard your style as avoidant or anxiously ambivalent.
But stop trying to change the other person. It's like banging your head on brick wall, waiting for it to crumble into crumbs, while your head remains in place.

So, even experiencing all the bitterness of loneliness, you can be guided common sense and make good decisions for yourself. Give in to a sense of isolation from the world and despondency, or take a closer look at the phenomenon of your loneliness in more detail - it's up to you!

Nobody needs me, I realized with horror, having lived in the world for more than 60 years. Very clearly realized sitting on the couch, staring blankly at one point.

There is a family, children. All my life I worked, lived for them and for myself, of course.

Nobody needs me, the facts of life:

But she was needed only as a draft horse, bring, feed, give. This is the eternal give, give. You won’t give, you won’t please, you’ll get stress, worry,.

So all my life, some worries and stresses. Perhaps all women have this situation, but I have a panic.

How to live happily in such years, struggling with eternal sores, getting out of bed in the morning with the thought "We must live." How can a happy, necessary person feel that way.

Many will say, "Yes, this aunt, it's time to put on white slippers, and then she burst into tears." Maybe so, but lonely, sad from the terrible realization of the life lived, it turns out to be useless to anyone.

There were a lot of interests:

I wanted to know a lot.
Read.
Tell.
Look.

But the eternal, especially in the evening, beat off all the desires for life. There is only one thing left - to rest and nothing else.

You push yourself the day before half to death, you forget that you are the weaker sex, you need to look good, go to bed with your husband.

Believe it or not, I was happy when he didn't approach me. This is how many families live in rural areas.

Life here is unbearable, women definitely have nothing to do in such hard labor. In the countryside, you quickly forget what kind you are and whether you are a woman at all.

You will approach the mirror, look: “Where are you that cheerful, carefree? Where did it all go? Is this why they get married, raise children?

Nobody needs me, what to do:

Nobody needs me - with this awareness you need to live out your life. How? Where to find strength? There is no one to ask, no one to consult, and who will help in such a situation.

They will say common words, reassure, but awareness is not going anywhere. How to come to terms with this? Urban women have a chance to turn to specialists, in our villages we don’t even have a paramedic, what kind of help is there.

I sit and calm myself, the children are good, without bad habits, healthy, it would seem, what do I need?

I want to be truly loved, just like that, for nothing. Is there nothing to love me for? What's wrong with me? Who will answer?

Nobody needs me, nobody loves me:

With such a confession, a resident of our village came to me, crying and asking for advice. Genuine bewilderment and grief splashed in her eyes.

The woman is very serious, I always thought she was happy. It's how it turned out.

What do you think I said to her? Nothing. I myself had such thoughts many times in my head. I think life fatigue is a state.

Maybe that's how the years go by. There is no one to ask for advice. Naturally, she reassured her as best she could, she left to feel herself useless.

A lot of unhappy, lonely in the soul of women rush about in search of answers to their questions. Why can't we ask specialists where they are?

We are alive, while everything is in order with the family, few people pay attention to themselves. Something just broke this villager, age makes itself felt and awareness is at the last line.

In conclusion, I want to give good advice, if your neighbor is bad - help, do not pass by. It will be bad for you, they will help, all your good deeds will return.

Let no one think “I don’t need anyone” on earth.

Peace of mind to you!

Look, listen to the incomparable song "Not Needed":

There come moments in life when a woman clearly understands: “I don’t need anyone at all.” This is not a complaint to a friend or a claim to her husband. It tells her inner voice, which means that her thoughts are sincere, and the pain is huge. The feeling of uselessness can arise regardless of age, financial security, the number of acquaintances, the presence of a family. At such moments, an emptiness forms inside, and you don’t see how you can correct the situation.

The germ of this feeling, as a rule, is formed in childhood. If the parents were too busy with their careers or personal life and did not devote enough time to the child, he could not talk to them, consult - already at that moment he realized that no one needed him, and this feeling was firmly planted inside. Then there may be different situations- job loss, divorce, and all these emotions come back again. If your problem has the same roots, try to analyze the situation. You know that your parents loved you. Perhaps they simply could not find a way to express their love, tenderness, care.

What to do?

In fact, there is a way out and not even one. First, do you really feel the need to be needed by someone? What does this need mean to you?

Many people live enjoying life, satisfy their own needs, fulfill own desires and happy with it. These people are self-sufficient, they do not need the love of others, they do not need confirmation. self-importance. Someone may call them egoists - but what's the difference? In fact, the state of loneliness is inevitable. After all, sooner or later the children will grow up and leave for their own home, and there is no guarantee that the partner will not stop loving.

So the most important thing that a person can have is to learn to appreciate and be grateful for the moments of loneliness that fate gives. After all, this is an opportunity to devote time to yourself, your interests, development. All you need to do is make the right use of the opportunities that arise.

If this option does not suit you, then another option remains - to become necessary: to take the first step, to help solve someone's problem, to be there when they need it, to develop yourself. The problem of a person who does not develop relationships with others may lurk in himself. Have you seen many cheerful, cheerful people who are of no use to anyone?

At the same time gloomy and closed people do not cause a desire to communicate with them, because with their whole appearance they show that they do not want to make contact. A person who smiles always attracts others. No wonder - after all, it seems to others that he has no problems, and they want to join this atmosphere of carelessness.

In fact, everything can be different: problems, difficult situations, everyone has questions that needed to be resolved yesterday. But there are people who will never show by their appearance that it is hard for them. They know that problems attract new problems. Therefore, these people are always in an excellent mood - this is their habit. If you work it out in yourself, you will see how the situation changes.

The value of a person for others is measured by what he can give them. It can be knowledge, attention, care, help. Take care of yourself, master your profession to perfection, acquire the necessary skills, develop talents.

If you have something to give to another, you are definitely needed by someone. The question may be that you want to be needed by the wrong people. In these cases, you need to be extremely careful - when you endlessly give without receiving anything in return, sooner or later nothing remains. This is how this inner emptiness is formed, causing so much pain. From here there are complexes, experiences, a feeling of uselessness. You need to get out of these relationships.

Someone else absolutely needs you - it's time to look around. Just don't offer your soul to the first person you meet. Appreciate yourself, and then the person who is next to you will also appreciate you.

There are many people who need and need support - both children and adults. There are various funds helping them. If you feel an urgent need to be needed, find out which organizations in your area deal with such issues. They always need people. So you will not only save yourself from inner emptiness, but also make the world a better place, and also find new friends.

When you lose a loved one

Sometimes terrible events occur, after which it is difficult to recover and it really seems that no one needs you. Sometimes dear and close people who were the meaning of life for us leave. There is nothing left but to gather strength and live on.

Psychologists recommend finding an activity that can distract you at least for a while. It is very important not to close within four walls, but to go out. Walking will help you recover a little and understand that life has not stopped.

Olga, St. Petersburg

Date: 2015-03-07

Hello site readers.

When a person feels that no one needs him, flashes in his head negative thoughts and the question arises: . It's actually very hard to understand. Some people easily accept this fact. “Yes, no one needs me, well, okay, I have enough of myself”. Other individuals are very worried about this. They don't want to feel alone. So what to do then?

I once read an interview with an actress from a TV program "Telesem". She shared one phrase that the director told her: "In this world no one needs anyone". At university, our philosophy teacher said: “You probably noticed yourself that no one except your parents needs you”. My classmate really saw it. She said: “I noticed that no one cares about me except my parents”. And when I was in school, one of my friends from parallel classes tried to commit suicide. The reason for this: the lack of friends and the feeling of loneliness. Why am I leading all this? And to the fact that you should not bother with it so much.

We are all lonely to one degree or another. Even people who have families and successful businesses they feel unwanted and alone. This feeling occurs all the time, and not only for you. I sometimes feel lonely and unwanted. But I understand that this is not so, and in this world I am not the only one. This awareness helps me to live happily and joyfully every day.

Einstein once said: "Strive to be significant, not successful". Feeling important is important for everyone. Most lack this feeling, lack love and warmth. But what did you do to be significant person For others? There are people who want to have everything but do nothing. You can't make a lot of friends while sitting at home, it's impossible to find a boyfriend or girlfriend if you don't do anything about it. You always need to act, and actively. Learn to communicate with people. This skill will help you build relationships. If you act, then thoughts like: “How to live on if no one needs you?” definitely will not occur.

Quite often, this question arises after parting with a loved one. Women are very painful when their boyfriend or husband leaves them. They convince themselves that no one else needs them. I won't lie to you that this really happens. Some girls, after a breakup or divorce, cannot find their chosen one for many years. And this happens because a person is too fixated on finding someone. In the behavior of such girls, obsession is felt. Nobody likes obsessive people. Such people are rejected in most cases. Learn to communicate with people, become a self-sufficient person. Check out the books section for help.

I advise you to get animals. Here they really help get rid of the feeling of loneliness. They will definitely need you, especially if a dog appears in your house. They always greet the owner warmly when he comes home. The feeling is very pleasant when you see that at least some being is glad that you have come. I gave such advice in the article:.

Get out into the world more often. Some people, when depressed, spend their time sitting at home in a room. And some people dive into virtual world, sit for days in social networks. Under such conditions, the feeling of loneliness and uselessness only intensifies. Be sure to get out into reality, communicate with people, engage in useful deeds. Only interaction with other people will help you feel needed and useful person.

But there is a category of people who feel lonely even among people. Even celebrities feel lonely. I advise such people to simply stop winding up such thoughts. Nobody owes you anything, and you don't owe anything to anyone. Each person has his own affairs up to his neck, and they have no time to remember about all the people in their life. As a last resort, visit a psychologist. Perhaps you have a psychological illness.

Perhaps, a person experiences a feeling of uselessness more than once in his life. At first, it seems to children that their parents, who are constantly disappearing at work, do not need them.

Then, when the bitterness of the first love sets in, everyone feels disgusting and useless. The same feelings can be experienced in a divorce or the departure of their own children in adulthood. But how to deal with this, so as not to fall into depression, you should ask the professionals.

There are no people in the world who would never feel alone. But more often it happens to those who have nothing to do. But constantly busy people there is no time to bother about loneliness, because they have a goal in life - to develop a business and make money.

Everyone perceives loneliness in their own way. For some, this is not a reason to be upset, because they have enough of themselves, while others are moping, are in a depressed state, which often leads to suicide.

It's important to keep yourself busy. Let it be a banal cleaning, during which there is no time to think about being useless to anyone. When boredom sets in, you can call friends with whom you have not had any communication for a long time. Someone has to make the first move, and then they will call back in their free time.

It is very important for a person to be significant, to be loved, given warmth and thought about him. But for this you need to act, and not sit and wait for the manna to come from heaven. Many young people suffer from unrequited love, protecting yourself from new acquaintances with the opposite sex.

Yes, indeed, it hurts when you are abandoned, but you have to learn how to survive, get up and build your life on. Communication with people helps a lot to start new relationships, or at least protect yourself from thinking about bad things.

But at the same time, one should not become too intrusive, since these are the people who are not loved, and very often ignored or rejected. In communication, you need to become self-sufficient people. To improve your abilities in this matter, you can purchase a book on the art of communication.

It is necessary to get out into the light, and not sit and feel sorry for yourself in the room. Chatting with friends on social networks is not enough, you need to see people, do some useful things. If you interact with society, you can become the right person for friends and others.

As a last resort, you can get yourself a pet, which can alleviate the feeling of loneliness. So, even a dog will dutifully wait for its owner at home. It turns out that there is already a feeling that someone needs you.

There are situations when a person is constantly in society, but when he comes home, he realizes that no one needs him. Sometimes it becomes psychological illness with which you need to contact a specialist. In order to change the way other people treat you, you first need to change yourself. If in the end, in search of friends, someone rejects communication, do not be upset, because someday there will be a person who will need it.

Psychologists say that happy people look about the same. They do not have complaints about negative living conditions and certain circumstances.

Happy people tend to be happy with what they have, and they don't need a bigger house, higher paychecks, or fancy resorts. Therefore, they seem more calm and carefree. They have a feeling that they are loved in the family, valued at work, so loneliness and uselessness are not about them.

Even not all the lucky ones are very lucky in life. Each result obtained requires that efforts, time and attention are invested in labor. The same can be said about relationships with people.

It seems like a small thing, but it is usually overlooked. It turns out that people begin to look for someone to blame for their misfortunes, but they forget to think about what has been done for the people around them.

When things go wrong, a person usually withdraws from society until things get better. Do not forget that solving problems can take a long time, and during this period the desire to communicate disappears. Yes, and others get used to such detachment, and do not try to get into someone else's life and problems.

You can’t try to solve your problems on your own, it’s better to turn to people. Perhaps in the future they will also turn for help, and friendly relations will last for many years.

In order not to feel unnecessary, it is very important not to isolate yourself from people, not to refuse their communication and help. Going out into the world makes it possible to be surrounded, to be needed and useful.

Thus, loneliness will never become the only feeling among all possible in this life.