What is self-love: a self-loving person - who is this? Orthodox Encyclopedic Dictionary.

Dictionary Ushakov

pride

vanity, self-love, cf. A high assessment of one's strengths, combined with a jealous attitude towards the opinion of others about oneself; sensitivity to the opinions of others about themselves. A man of great pride. False selfishness. Painful selfishness. Spare someone's ego. “Perhaps, don’t say this to the author, out of regret for youth and the author’s pride, the most restless of all pride: talent is needed, but there is not a trace of it here.” Goncharov.

Pedagogical terminological dictionary

pride

a moral sense in which a person's respect for himself as a person is expressed. S. has a lot to do with pride. But S. is more personal in nature. expresses subjective assessment a person of his own abilities and capabilities. S. can act as a positive motive for behavior when it helps a person to overcome difficulties in order to achieve moral results and encourages a person to defend his dignity. In this case, S. becomes stable moral quality personality. S. is negative quality when it turns into narcissism, unreasonable pride. Inadequate perception of one's own "I" interferes with the creative activity of a person, establishing contacts with other people. In order to prevent the formation negative traits C. with early years you have to teach your child to give critical appraisal moral to their actions.

(Bim-Bad B.M. Pedagogical encyclopedic Dictionary. - M., 2002. S. 252)

Orthodox Encyclopedic Dictionary

pride

one of the manifestations of the sin of pride: addiction to oneself, vanity and vanity in everything that concerns one's personality, the desire for primacy, honor, distinction, advantages over others.

Philosophical Dictionary (Comte-Sponville)

pride

pride

♦ Amour-Propre

Self love from the other person's point of view; the desire to be loved, to arouse approval or admiration; horror at the thought that another person might hate or despise you. La Rochefoucauld sees in pride the main of our passions and the mainspring of all others. The more condescending and more just Rousseau insists on a distinction between self-love and self-love: “Love of oneself is a natural feeling that prompts every animal to take care of self-preservation, and in man this feeling is guided by reason and moderated by compassion, giving rise to humanity and virtue. Self-love is a derivative, artificial feeling that arises only in society, forcing each individual to give himself more value than anything else, which encourages people to do each other all sorts of evil and is the true source of the concept of honor ”(“Discourse on the origin and foundations of inequality between people”, note XV). The transition from one to the other is fairly easy to explain. Of course, we live for ourselves, but only in the environment of other people and thanks to them. Therefore, it is not surprising that we like it when other people treat us with love. Self-love is the desire for this love, directed at oneself, but carried out through other people. It is love for others in the name of oneself and love for oneself expressed by others. To assert that self-love is unhappy love, as Alain does, is to fall into a double error. In fact, injections of pride are nothing more than minor troubles against the backdrop of life's drama. Sometimes real grief can heal from them. Sometimes, perhaps, a great happiness.

Ozhegov's dictionary

SAMOL YU BIE, I, cf. Feeling dignity, self-respect, self-affirmation. Painful with. (exacerbated). Offended s. Spare who. with. (do not give rise to feelings of resentment, offended pride).

emotional attitude, reflecting a person's assessment of himself. Sharp explosive manifestations of S. are inherent in boys and girls during puberty. It is important for each person to have a certain measure of S. and self-respect. Without it, there is no individuality. However, excessive S. harms both others and the individual himself. In this case, it interferes with the correct assessment positive features in other people, can also lead to an increase in selfishness. Painful S. is a sign of a person's own inferiority complex and the cause of conflicts.

pride

predilection for oneself, vanity, resentment, the desire to have better personal qualities than others, to be above others.

In the underworld, behind the scenes, pride knows no gender: the success of an artist - whether a man or a woman is indifferent - restores the entire troupe against him (O. Balzac, Eve's Daughter).

"Grushnitsky! - I said. – There is still time; give up your slander, and I will forgive you everything. You failed to fool me, and my pride is satisfied ”(M. Lermontov, Hero of Our Time).

Self-love accompanies all other types of love (Voltaire).

I will not let her boast that she was the first to leave me (J.-B. Moliere, Philistine in the nobility).

Wed honour.

girl in adolescence wants as many hearts to be broken because of her in order to satisfy her pride (H. Deutsch, Psychology of a Woman).

Women commit suicide when their narcissistic ego is damaged. In general, they can be offended precisely by this (ibid.).

Above all passions - pride (Isaac the Sirin). Wed narcissism.

Each of us is an individual - it's undeniable and absolute fact. Each of us represents something, has a unique set of traits and characteristics of character, a unique psychology and worldview, which makes us so different from each other. And yet in human psychology there are several common moments, which unite all people on Earth, several psychological features observed in every person. One of these characteristics human nature is self-love. But what is self-love and how useful is it in the conditions of modern life?

Basic definition

Various psychological Talmuds give self-love different definition. But in general, they all agree that pride is nothing more than a defense of one's social value and relevance. In other words, self-love can be defined as a trait due to which a person constantly grows above himself, becomes better, smarter, more attractive and maintains his value in society. Relative value, of course. But is this really a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will find the answer for himself, because for each of us there is a personal motivation. However, let's just say: without love and self-respect, further spiritual, physical and intellectual growth is impossible.

Advantages and disadvantages

But self-esteem is good - many psychologists will say. And others will answer the opposite, they say, to exalt oneself extremely is akin to moral degradation. And by the way, they would be right too. After all, a proud person, as a rule, tries not only to inform others about the constant growth above himself, but also in every possible way to maintain the illusion of his own superiority. Of course, this is true in the case when a person is too fixated on himself, but, as practice shows, even the most humble people tend to hyperbolize their own "I".

human praise

From point of view practical psychology, self-love is a time when a person is actively fueled by various manifestations of social approval. In other words, when we are praised, we grow in our own eyes, and vice versa. A proud person, as a rule, builds in his head a certain scale of values ​​​​and goals that must be achieved by all means, and for this it is necessary to constantly strive somewhere and do something. Of course, this is good, especially in those cases when a person strives for goals that are useful for him and society. But when a person intentionally follows the path of self-destruction and degradation, pride here plays a somewhat perverted role. It is always important to remember that this quality in itself is a catalyst for desires and actions, but by no means the main reason.

selfishness

“Nobody loves self-loving people,” many people say so. But in fact, people definitely like it, especially those whose psychotype is characterized by pride. It is sometimes very easy to offend such a person - just say one word. Here, there is already a heightened self-esteem, in which a person focuses exclusively on satisfying his desires and needs, he is indifferent to those around him, by and large. We can say that too strong a manifestation of this quality leads to egocentrism, that is, to extreme selfishness.

Striving to be the first

But if we talk about the normal, then this, of course, is good. Mentally and physically healthy man always distinguished by self-esteem, and fair. This is not a vice and not a reason for condemnation - such is the nature of people. After all, pride is nothing more than a motivation for personal and professional success. Young people are always proud, even those who are considered an example of modesty. This entails high ambition and the desire to succeed in whatever field. So you should always respect and love yourself - it's better to go too far than to underestimate yourself and your strengths.

hurt feeling

Of course, you should not intentionally hurt anyone's feelings, especially women's pride. Indeed, in this case, not only will you just offend a person, but you can also lose forever good relationship with him. For this, this is especially true, because, despite the uniqueness of each girl, they still, like men, have something in common. Women, especially in adulthood, are very sensitive to compliments and words of flattery, so it is better to remain silent than to tell a lie. And, of course, the fair sex is more sensitive to comments about appearance, behavior and way of thinking on the part of the surrounding people. For a lady of any age, it is important to feel comfortable and calm, so you should not point out any shortcomings in a straightforward, public manner - just keep silent, but if it is so necessary to draw a woman's attention to this nuance, it is better to tell her this aside, in private. And hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will remain in a normal relationship.

“In order to love your neighbor as yourself, you first need to love yourself right. Self-love is a distortion of love in relation to oneself. Self-love is the desire for the indiscriminate fulfillment of the wishes of the fallen will, guided by a falsely named reason and an evil conscience. St. Ignatius

The Holy Fathers distinguish three main types of self-love: love of money, love of glory, voluptuousness, based on the words of St. app. John about the three temptations of the world: “For everything that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but of this world”(). The Fathers identified voluptuousness with the lust of the flesh, the love of money with the lust of the eyes, and the love of glory with worldly pride.

Should a Christian love himself?

Love is one of the essential Divine properties (see more details:). This means that God from eternity abides in Love for Himself. To put it differently, all the Divines abide in mutual, penetrating love, and at the same time, Each of Them nourishes love towards Himself.

Man is created in the image and likeness of God (see:). The ability to love is one of the features of this most heavenly image.

Therefore, there is nothing reprehensible in a person’s love for himself, however, if we are talking about love in the correct sense of the word, and not about a proud, selfish feeling, self-love.

A person's love for self not only allowed by God, but also elevated by Him into a model of love for: “Love your neighbor as yourself” ().

But what does the phrase "love yourself" mean? To love oneself is to live the fullness of a god-like life, to love life itself as Divine, to have joy in the Lord, to strive to fulfill one's highest and destiny. If God loves a person, then does a person himself have the right to treat himself with dislike (acting contrary to the Almighty)?

There is much in common between love for oneself and love for one's neighbor (neighbours), in particular the following.

Just as love for one's neighbor implies a desire for his happiness, so love for oneself implies a movement towards happiness. After all, man was created for, and not short-term, as is the case in the conditions of present life, but for the eternal and unceasing.

The path to this blessedness lies through the communion of one's life with the life of the Universe, with the life of Christ. Whoever does not strive for eternal happiness in the Lord does not love himself.

Thus, to love oneself means (among other things) to do what contributes to communion with eternal blissful life. Contributes to this fulfillment, love for God and His creation.

Just as the love of one person for another is associated with a desire to save him and not lose him, so love for oneself implies the desire not to lose oneself for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven: “whoever loses his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it” ().

As love in general implies, so love for oneself requires taking up one's cross and following Christ ().

The commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” () indicates that, ideally, love for your neighbor should not be inferior to the love that a person has for himself.

This rejects the idea of ​​self-love as self-love, because self-love implies the opposite: a selfish, and often dismissive attitude towards people.

Self-esteem as a personality trait - the tendency to highly evaluate one's own strengths, combined with hypersensitivity, jealousy of the opinion of others about themselves.

One day a man came to the wise man and complained that no matter how much good he does to other people, they do not answer him the same, and therefore there is no joy in his soul: - I am an unfortunate loser, - said the man, sighing. his virtue, - said the sage, - is like that beggar who wants to propitiate the oncoming travelers, giving them what you yourself need. Therefore, there is no joy either for them from such gifts, or for you from such sacrifices. That's why your travel bag is empty. And therein lies the reason for your failures. Here is my advice to you: love yourself, take care of yourself, enrich yourself with the joy of fine days and nights, collect rays of happiness in your soul. Only then will you notice how people will feed on your fruits. The more joy you have, the richer you will make this world.

Self-love is self-love that creates a certain potential for the love of other people. A person cannot love people if he does not love himself. “Probably, loving another person is easy,” says Naomi Suenaga, “After all, at any moment this love can be put an end to. Another thing is to love yourself, here you can not pause for a minute. As soon as a person ceases to love himself, he becomes vulnerable to any poison. Self-love implies self-respect, a developed sense of self-worth, awareness of the maturity and integrity of one's personality, purposefulness, firmness of character, the presence of one's own views and life principles. Better an excess of self-esteem than a lack of self-respect. A proud person can love and respect himself if he understands without any doubt that he is the owner of many virtues as clearly manifested personality traits.

A proud person is saturated with the idea of ​​himself as a perfect image. No wonder the song says: "Oh, what a blessing to know that I am perfection, to know that I am an ideal." How A. Blok confused the image beautiful lady with a real woman and therefore, from the day of the wedding, he refused to have sex with his wife - Lyuba Mendeleeva, so a proud person painted in his imagination an image of himself, confusing it with his real self. For example, he dreams of becoming a writer, and is convinced of his talent. Anyone who claims otherwise will automatically fall into the gallery of ill-wishers, enemies and envious people. “The snake of literary pride,” according to F.M. Dostoevsky, - sometimes it stings deeply and incurably, especially people who are insignificant and stupid.

At the same time, having his own ideal and therefore loving and respecting himself, a proud person seeks to increase his own merits. Such a desire, of course, is welcomed by others. But, as you know, everything must be in moderation, and in pride there is a fine line when it degenerates into selfishness, narcissism, complacency, self-praise and self-deception. I. A. Krylov wrote: “Whoever is overwhelmed by self-esteem is sweet to himself and in what he is ridiculous to others; and it often happens that he boasts of what he should be ashamed of.

When a high self-evaluation of his strength goes hand in hand with personal growth, such pride can be put highest mark. I. S. Turgenev wisely remarked: “A person without pride is insignificant. Self-love is an Archimedes lever that can move the earth from its place.” There is nothing wrong with when a person is attentive to the opinions of others about himself. It is bad when he attaches excessive importance to this, when he perceives any remarks addressed to him extremely painfully. Self-love hates criticism, even if it hides behind a mask constructive criticism. It, like a psychological microscope, jealously examines swarming microbes. bad opinions those around him. If others see shortcomings in a proud person, he experiences real torment and suffering. Strongly hurt or hurt pride, being evidence of a lack of self-sufficiency of a person, can develop into revenge. Having turned on, the injured self-esteem makes a volley of negative energy both inward and outward, destroying one's own health and relationships with others. "Wounded pride! It is as powerful as love itself, wrote Mine Reed, “And it hurts as much as the pangs of love.”

Self-love is not the same as self-love, which shows love exclusively for its false ego. Self-love means loving yourself as holistic personality, that is, to the body, mind, senses and reason. It respects and considers its false ego, but also carefully listens to the voice of his inner judge - conscience. When they want to humiliate a person, break his inner core, they beat his love for himself as a whole - pride. Alexandre Dumas in the novel The Count of Monte Cristo wrote: “People are always like this - out of pride they are ready to beat their neighbor with an ax, and when their own pride is pricked with a needle, they scream.” A person receives the first infringements on his pride in childhood from his parents, when they seek by unlawful methods to make him obedient to their will. Having broken the pride of the child, they get not what they expected - weakened energy, lost individuality, unwillingness to improve themselves, lack of aspirations to succeed in their studies and humiliating resignation.

Self-love implies a desire to be first, being inherently aggressive, it understands that its element is competition, rivalry and confrontation. The ancient Greek historian Plutarch in his work “The Sayings of Kings and Generals” wrote about the Roman emperor Julius Caesar: “They say that when Caesar crossed the Alps and passed by a poor town with an extremely small barbarian population, his friends jokingly asked with a laugh: “Really and is there a competition in honors, a dispute over primacy, strife among the nobility? - "As for me," Caesar answered them with all seriousness, "I would rather be first here than second in Rome."

When a person is “passed around at a bend”, his pride is hurt, and he, being strong personality, strives to become the first again. If he accepts defeat, then he will become weaker than before. It seems that nothing terrible has happened, but his integrity is being violated, he is already looking at the world through the prism of his repressed desire. In addition, fear of further destruction of its integrity settles in the soul. A strong proud person is a powerful antipode of fear. Having defended all sorts of attacks on his pride, a person at the physical level increases the body's resistance to any disease. People with a broken psyche, with suppressed self-esteem are prone to diseases such as cancer, diabetes, etc. Without a strong aggressive component, which includes self-esteem, the body cannot actively counteract stress, illness, and depression.

Self-love should not be unequivocally ranked as a vice. Conscious healthy self-love is, of course, positive quality personality. Self-love can be good and evil, depending on which direction it is directed. If it colonizes a person as a whole, then it leads him away from people to pride, vanity, gluttony, voluptuousness and greed. When it leaves a person forever, he becomes spineless, indifferent and not energetic. Ludwig Feuerbach answered the question whether pride is virtue or vice: “Distinguish between evil, inhuman and heartless egoism and kind, sympathetic, humane egoism; distinguish between mild, involuntary self-love, which finds satisfaction in love for others, and arbitrary, intentional self-love, which finds satisfaction in indifference or even in direct anger towards others.

The worst form of self-love is the love of satisfying the desires of one's body. The flesh is stupid, and man, indulging his lusts and the flame of passions, engages in gluttony, drunkenness and depravity. In a passionate disposition and love for the body with the fulfillment of its carnal desires, such a form of self-love leads a person with confident steps to ignorance and degradation of the personality.

Self-love is a kind of jealousy of one's relative success. A proud person is an eternal companion of dissatisfaction, who is destined by fate to constantly fight for a “place under the sun” and for a measure of respect due to a place. Having become a fanatical seeker of absolute personal dignity, no matter how high he climbs the social ladder, he makes more and more demands on himself, makes him “grow above himself”, forbids to stop there, being ashamed even of thoughts of satisfaction. “Bad is the soldier who does not have a marshal's baton hidden in his knapsack”: this attractive goal of the absolute guarantees self-esteem from “well-fed contentment”, transferring it into a state of eternal proud restlessness.

Petr Kovalev 2013