How to know if a person is right for you. How to understand that a man suits you

Nobody likes failure. This applies to work, and family life and love. When meeting a new guy, it might seem to you that you are just made for each other. But after a few weeks, and sometimes even months or years, you come to the conclusion that you made a mistake and are completely unsuitable for each other. And the time has already been spent, a habit to it could have arisen. And the longer you've been together, the harder it is to leave. There are special signals that help girls understand that a guy is not suitable without spending a lot of time on a relationship.

Several signs

He lies to you

You should not forgive and hope that this was the last time, and the guy will definitely change. There is a huge chance that, having lied to you once, he will do it again, coming up with some new story. Relationships should be built on sincerity and trust of partners. And if one of them constantly lies, then it is unlikely that a strong union will come out of these relations.

You have to save him

It can be anything from debt and constant failure in life to alcoholism and drug addiction. Don't choose a partner huge amount problems. Because he will constantly pull you down with him. You need a man who will strive for the best with you and is able to cope with his problems.

You don't have love for him

At first glance, everything is obvious, if there is no love, why build a relationship with this person at all. However, many girls simply tell themselves that they love this guy, or enter into a relationship for another reason. For example, he loves her, he will always be with her and will not betray her. Therefore, even despite the dislike, the girl continues to be in such a relationship. In other words, she believes that it is better for her to have a man who is in love with her than to be alone and dream of one who will not be with her.

He is sexist

In other words, he holds the view that women and men are not equal. He believes in the superiority of men over girls and discrimination against women. And if you decide to be with such a man, then it will be difficult for you. He won't appreciate what you do for him, whatever it is. He will not help you because he divides everything into male and female. And also it is unlikely that he will ask your opinion or even more so advice on any occasion.

You are not a priority for him.

He can say anything, including the fact that you are the most expensive and important thing he has. But you need to look at his actions. If they say otherwise, then this guy is not right for you. For him, his own affairs, friends and work are more important than you. He can constantly change your plans, but at the same time not change his own. All this could mean that he just isn't considering you for long. serious relationship and families.

Everyone doesn't support your relationship

Of course, if you constantly pay attention to the opinions of others and rely only on it, you will not be able to build normal relationships. However, if your close friends and family say that they do not like this guy and you should not build a relationship with him, you should think about it. After all, a man in love cannot always notice that something is wrong with his partner. Your loved ones will not necessarily be right, but you should still take a closer look at the young man.

He mistreats the waiters

Be sure to pay attention to how the guy behaves in a cafe or restaurant. A decent man respects everyone and will not look down on anyone. If a guy communicates with the waiters in a dismissive and rude manner, then over time he may begin to be rude to you too.

Your relationship is too serious

You may have many common interests, you always have something to talk about and you enjoy spending time with each other. But it’s bad if there is absolutely no humor in the relationship. After all, it is with its help that you can solve some situations, as well as defuse the situation when everyone is tense. In any union, humor, irony and laughter are needed. Otherwise, you will simply get bored with constant problems and serious conversations.

He is always unhappy with something.

No matter what and no matter what happens, he will definitely find a catch in this. He always doesn’t like something, something interferes and so on. In other words, he is just a pessimist, used to seeing everything around him only in dark colors. Next to him, your mood will constantly deteriorate, and there can be no talk of any positive. For him, everything is not so and everything is bad.

He is not the initiator

The guy never offers anything, organizes, and so on. You can have romantic evenings, but only if you take matters into your own hands and do it yourself. At first glance, it may seem that there is nothing wrong with this. But this is only at the beginning. Then you just get tired of it. You will need to do everything yourself and offer everything yourself and decide everything yourself.

There are some other signals that can tell you that this man is definitely not right for you and you should not waste your time on him.

He tries to improve you

It seems that there is nothing wrong with the fact that the partner wants you to become better. The whole question is how he does it and how he presents it. If he criticizes your appearance, character, habits literally all day long and directly declares your shortcomings, demanding that you fix everything, it is better not to continue this relationship. A man must love a woman for who she is, put up with some habits and shortcomings, and the woman will reciprocate.

man miser

From him you are unlikely to ever wait for an expensive gift or surprise. He will not even consider offers to buy an apartment, for example, new furniture. And after you start living together, he will control all your expenses. And it can make you account for literally every penny.

He can't compromise

Quarrels happen to everyone. And many couples agree that in a relationship it is important to learn how to compromise and give in. Only then can you solve the problem and continue the relationship, and not accumulate resentment and swear. But building a relationship with a man who cannot make concessions is difficult. After all, you will have to constantly and in everything do as he wants, or continue to swear.

He is changing

Each woman decides for herself whether she can forgive betrayal and continue to live with this man or not. However, if he started cheating on you even before the wedding, then with a high degree of probability he will cheat on you, no matter how much you forgive him. There are cases when betrayals are no longer repeated, but this is rare. Having failed once to refuse another woman, he may not say “No” next time.

Boy "mother's boy"

If you decide to have a relationship with such a man, be prepared for the fact that his mother will always be present in your life. He will get into your problems family life, teach you. She will always be in the first place for him, for her sake he will give up any business. It is to her that she will go to complain about you. Think about whether you need such a man.

He can't keep his word

If he constantly promises you something and does not fulfill it, be prepared that this can last a lifetime if you decide to start a family with him. He will always find excuses for himself, believing that his affairs are much more important than yours. He is unlikely to fulfill your requests, because he may simply forget about them. But in fact, he simply does not want to be responsible for the promises made.

Relationships are hard work, because in addition to admiration and feelings, a person will have to come to terms with the habits and desires of a partner, which may not always coincide. Unfortunately, girls do not pay attention to alarm bells and then regret their choice. Let's try to figure it out so as not to spoil our lives with rash conclusions and actions.

1. He criticizes you and finds fault with little things.

This can apply even to the most banal: “You cook borscht that is not as tasty as my mother.” Do you love so much that you can't quit despite these words? Very bad. Do not forget that you need to love yourself a little more and believe me, there will definitely be a man who can appreciate you. In addition, for sure, your unfortunate chosen one has qualities that you do not like.

2. You feel less confident

Believe me, the degree of your self-confidence also depends on the man. This is important because they will life situations, which will require you to immediately get together and close the issue. Real love is when even after 40 years of marriage, he will find a few compliments for you, because he knows what an incredible woman you really are. On the other hand, he simply does not see himself. Therefore, be vigilant if you are dating a man, but you feel insecure and squeezed - this is not what you need.

3. You don't trust him

What kind of serious and long-term relationship can we talk about if they start with trust, but you don’t have it? Are you jealous, constantly looking at his phone and terribly afraid to let him go to meet friends? Darling, it shouldn't be like this. Yes, the problem may be in you, but not to the same extent. Trust is one word, but it means a lot.

4. He often thinks about his exes

The past is in the past once you started dating. It should be so, but if he constantly remembers his exes, compares you with them, run or discuss this issue with him once and for all. Understand that your man will never mention his previous relationships, it will be taboo for him, because he would not want you to do the same.

5. You are only occasionally interested in the two of you.

If you live each in your own world, but only on weekends you go to concerts and other events, this is not normal. Why? People who fit together will be happy to spend every free minute together. This trend is not - look further.

6. He silently avoids answering

He does not want to resolve conflicts, but simply brushes aside and says "don't start." Bad sign only for the reason that a man who loves you will not say such things, because he does not care at all what does not suit you.

7. He only shows his feelings when he needs something.

For example, you didn’t have sex for two weeks because you had a fight and then, as if on cue, your loved one starts pestering, asking for forgiveness, saying how important you are to him. Everything ends with reconciliation in bed and that's the point. What's next? Have you thought about whether it will always be like this or is it all temporary? So, such a solution to the problem is no good.

Think before you make life-changing decisions.

Entering into a relationship with a man, you need to think about your compatibility with him, of course, if you want to create a strong family, live together happily ever after. And this can be done by focusing on a few moments in communication. In this article, we will talk in detail about how to understand if a man is right for you.

Main features

According to the advice of psychologists, first of all, you need to focus on several important points.

Respect and mutual understanding

A serious long-term relationship can only be obtained with someone who treats you, your problems and achievements very reverently. Perhaps mutual respect in the family is the most important thing. You can understand that a guy respects his partner by the following signs:

1. He is willing to give in on certain issues. And this should not be considered a weakness. Only strong people capable of taking a step towards a girl like that. The weak, just, will not yield under any circumstances, because it is very important for them to assert themselves in any situation.
2. The young man always listens attentively to the girl, shows sincere interest in everything that happens to her. In fact, a man behaves like a real friend
3. The guy appreciates you and your opinion. This does not mean that he will always agree with you. But it will become clear that he did not let your concerns or wishes pass by his ears.
4. A man feels very well when something happens to you.
5. He is truly happy for all your victories.

We emphasize that we are talking about mutual understanding, and not about respect “unilaterally”. Even if a young man shows respect, and you use it and do not respond in the same way, nothing good will come of your life together. Sooner or later he will get tired of it, and he will find interesting woman who will understand everything, take into account and respect his opinion.

Man of dreams

In fact, only young and inexperienced girls, having seen enough of romantic films, try to find the ideal. Experienced Women they understand that it is impossible to meet a husband from the movie screen for one simple reason: there are no ideals. And if so, how to be?

You need to understand what qualities in a person are most important to you. Let them be few. Perhaps it will be difficult to decide on the go what is the most important thing in a man. Then you can vote. To do this, you need to write down about 10 qualities on a sheet, without which, in your opinion, an ideal man cannot do. We carefully reread what happened and gradually cross out the excess. As a result, we leave 3-5 most important male characteristics. They need to be guided.

Commonality of values

This is not about hobbies and hobbies, but about the far-reaching plans and interests of each person in a couple. For example, it is not scary that a young man loves football, and a woman loves shopping. From childhood we are used to: boys play with cars, girls play with dolls.

Here it is worth talking about global issues. For example, who sees the relationship and life together after 5-10 years. Let's say the girl chooses to actively move forward, and the guy thinks that everything is fine, nothing needs to be changed. In such a situation, the man is clearly unsuitable. He will stop a lady who wants to develop.

Intuition

Sometimes, just by listening to your heart, you can say: “Yes, this person is my destiny.” It is difficult to explain the mechanisms by which this feeling comes. No one will argue that this happens - intuition makes itself felt.

You shouldn't trust her completely. However, when you understand with your mind that a man is good, and then your intuition speaks about it, you can safely get married.

Quite a different matter:

• horoscopes;
• numerology;
• magic.

Many girls believe this. Although checking compatibility only by the signs of the Zodiac is somehow strange. This is also true for tests based on the date of birth. There is nothing to say about magicians and sorcerers at all. We do not rule out that somewhere there are those who see the future. Basically, a lot of charlatans.

Be yourself

It is very important in a relationship not to pretend. The man with whom you have love, of course, needs to be respected.

But this does not mean that it is necessary to hide all your shortcomings and stick out your dignity.

A young man must also understand that you are not ideal. So, you need to put up with something, something - help correct and eliminate it.

If you look at it, in life we ​​play too much, and we are not very sincere, real. You should not choose a guy who will not give you freedom in this matter.

intimacy

The above was about certain psychological aspects. Let's remember one physical thing: You should be good together in bed. However, everything here is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. You should not completely focus on this sign and look for the perfect partner.

There are examples in practice when, after a date that turned into " horizontal plane”, the woman understood that the man was not very good in bed. But I gave him a chance, and everything was fine. In addition, it is worth remembering that sexual temperaments and preferences of partners can change over time.

Desire to have children

A traditional family cannot do without a child. At least one, but there should be. On the other hand, there are "childfree" people. It is important that the worldviews of the partners coincide. A girl who wants children, a man who also dreams about it will suit. And a woman who does not want to become a mother needs to pick up a guy with similar views.

The question can be viewed from different angles. Giving up on the idea of ​​having a baby does not always mean that it will never happen. In some cases, it is necessary to regard it as follows: not now, a little later. Perhaps the couple should devote a year or two to themselves, and then deal with the issues of conceiving a child.

Other options

Women try to find out that a man is right for her in a variety of ways:

1. Answer questions in online tests that are posted online for free. The method has the right to life, if only the tasks were prepared professional psychologists not amateurs.
2. Trying to check compatibility appearance and smell. The method is based on several statements. First, good spouses should be somewhat similar to each other. Secondly, compatible people smell the same. As for the similarity, it is rather manifested over time and refers to inner qualities. What we talked about: respect, understanding of each other and the ability to compromise in certain cases. Finding a suitable husband only by photo is unrealistic. There are no reliable data on smells.
3. They are looking for husbands by the sonority of names and surnames. In fact, it is impossible to determine whether a young man is right for you, considering only this parameter. It's like finding out the weather, focusing only on the day of the week or month. It also rains in December.

Probably the best option is to choose the type of man by analyzing his psychological portrait.

Ideally, involve a professional in solving the problem. And, of course, if you have already had a relationship, you do not need to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Often this is because women tend to idealize their partner, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Instead of critically evaluating him, the young lady, putting on pink glasses, persistently ignores, almost from the very beginning saying that a man is not suitable for her.

Director of the Vladimir agency "I and You", consultant on interpersonal relationships, family psychologist Elena Kuznetsova named eight signs that may indicate that you are dating an unsuitable gentleman for you, and it is pointless to make plans with him.

1. You caught him in a lie.

Of course, there is a lie for the good, but we are not talking about it now. We are considering a situation where a man has fallen for a lie that undermines the confidence of a woman. Elena Kuznetsova advises ladies to forgive their partner for the first time and give him a second chance. If a man does not justify hopes for the second time, then he must part with him. Liar is a diagnosis. unlikely to be durable.

"Don't shoot from the shoulder. If, nevertheless, an unpleasant situation has occurred for you, try to figure it out and be as fair as possible. It is important to abstract from "me and you", "mine is yours". Only after weighing all the pros and cons, make a decision whether or not to part with him, ”the psychologist states.

2. Eternal savior

If a woman constantly has to pull a man out of some kind of trouble, save him from alcoholism, debts, an unreliable company, then a partner is definitely not suitable for her. He will be hers. That's if we're talking about normal, loving family. A woman aimed at parity, partnerships and not ready to accept the eternal role of a savior.

On the other hand, there are ladies who deliberately choose to take care of them like little boys and shine against their background. There are ladies who carry the entire family burden, but endure such a situation, because they are used to it from childhood.

“When a woman carries everything on her shoulders, it’s wrong. But if at the same time she tolerates such a situation, then so be it. So she lives with a suitable man for her. But when patience is not enough, you have to leave and look for someone with whom you can build partnerships, ”says Kuznetsova.

3. You are not a priority for him.

We are not talking about a couple in which, well providing for the family, but not being able to pay enough attention to his woman. We are talking about a man who is not able to earn enough, but is rarely at home. He may disappear at work, with friends, at the gym, etc. Any other business, but not his woman, is a priority. Such a man finds time for everything, except for his partner. This type of representative of the stronger sex, and a woman for him will always be on the sidelines. Such relationships will not suit a normal woman. Perhaps only the one that was originally brought up in a family where it was customary to spread rot, humiliate each other and not take into account anyone's interests.

4. Doesn't treat staff well

A normal woman would hardly want to see a rude, arrogant person next to her. But representatives of the stronger sex, who are not too polite with service personnel, for example, with waitresses, belong to this type. If in relation to you the gentleman did not allow himself "nothing like that", do not flatter yourself. It is the matter of time. Perhaps for a while he will restrain himself and take out his discontent on the janitors, sellers or waitresses, but in the future he will behave with you in an impartial way. Hoping for an exception is pointless.

5. Always dissatisfied with everything

The endless negativity that comes from your man will eventually finish you off. You will get tired of listening to your partner’s eternal mumbling, seeing his displeased face and listening to him criticisms. Grouchy is a diagnosis. Over time, the character of your man will only become heavier, and the man will take out all his dissatisfaction with life on a woman with tripled strength.

6. Everyone is against your relationship

If you like your partner, but your inner circle speaks out against him, you must, first of all, listen to yourself and defend your loved one. However, if the criticisms come from people whose opinion you trust, you should listen to what you are told. It is possible that you simply do not notice the obvious things that indicate that the partner does not treat you so well.

If the arguments that relatives and friends cite against your chosen one are well-reasoned and logical, you should take the advice into service and take a closer look at your partner. What if he really isn't who he claims to be?

7. Not love

If you are the type of woman whose other aspects are not taken into account, then it makes no sense to be with someone who does not arouse your desire. If you, and pay attention to the actions of a man, then do not rush to part with your partner. Your relationship may not be as passionate as you might like, but based on mutual respect, compromise and a comfortable life, they can have good prospects.

8. Your relationship is too prim

An optimistic young lady is unlikely to be able to stay long with a pessimist and a bore. If the relationship lacks humor and lightness, this is a bad symptom. When there is no reason that would “override” the absence of some recklessness in a couple, then most likely you are dating a man that is not suitable for you. Over time, his tediousness will become more and more annoying, and the relationship will still come to a standstill.

think twice

If any of the above signs apply to your couple, do not rush. Elena Kuznetsova advises to keep relationships as long as there is at least a bit of good in them, as long as you like something in your man. Especially since you have no one to replace him yet.

Helpful information

Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency "Me and You", family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35. Call on weekdays from 11:00 to 19:00

“I would recommend staying with a person as long as he suits you at least in some way. As long as there is something in a partner that you like, it would be blasphemous to leave him. At least until there is no alternative. We are all imperfect. , and getting used to it is extremely difficult. We are constantly weighing the pros and cons. But still, making a decision in favor of "against" is worth it only when there is complete antagonism in the pair. In all other cases, it makes sense to hold on to the man who is now next to you, ”the psychologist believes.

Measure seven times - cut one. When it comes to relationships, you need to “measure” not seven times, but a hundred, Kuznetsova is sure.

If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .

Scientists say that just a few seconds are enough to understand whether a person is suitable for us as a sexual partner or not. The decision is made subconsciously, and more explicit signals of the body help to learn about it.

How to find out what affects the perception of attractiveness in general, says our consultant - psychologist Evgeny Idzikovsky.

We are far from always able to understand our attitude towards a person, so you should pay attention to the signals own body- it never lies.

Why is smell so important to us?

Each person has a special individual smell. It is he who largely determines our likes and dislikes. And as regards sex appeal partner, then the recognition of a “suitable” aroma occurs at the subconscious level, in most cases we do not even track this process.

A clear interest in a certain human smell is provided by the peculiarities of our hormonal and immune systems. Studies by the Swiss scientist Klaus Wedekind back in the mid-90s made it possible to establish that women like men whose immune system does not match their own as much as possible. At the same time, the chosen ones can radically differ in appearance, physical indicators and the level of intelligence. In the case of the coincidence of the immune systems of both subjects, they do not feel attraction to each other, since they perceive the partner as a relative - a brother, sister, etc.

Conclusion: smell plays an important role in the issue of attractiveness, but it is important to understand that we are talking about the natural aroma of the body - without perfume, deodorant, cigarette plume, etc.

What body language can say

Even if a person is silent, his posture can say a lot about his attitude towards the chosen one. Closed positions (arms crossed over the chest or in pockets, shoulders down and together, legs closed) indicate a lack of interest. But open postures (the body and feet are turned to the counterpart, the palms look up, arms and legs are not crossed) are clear evidence that all the attention of a person is focused on the interlocutor.

By the way, "open" people are much more attractive in the eyes of others, they cause more interest.

Conclusion: Use your knowledge of body language to demonstrate your passion or learn about how your partner treats you.

Face: the laws of attraction

Most of us like the same type of face, but completely different features are of interest. Scientists believe that the roots of this phenomenon lie in psychology.

So, in childhood, we all experienced vivid emotions when communicating with different people. And when in adulthood we meet a person similar to them in emotional state, then quickly imbued with sympathy for him. Because we know that contact with such people had a strong emotional resonance for us, and we want to experience it again.

Moreover, even if the experience was negative, we still feel attracted to a person. It's connected with subconscious desire correct the situation, achieve recognition, approval, love.

Conclusion: it is not so much the face of the partner that is important to us, but the emotions that are associated with it.

How to know if you like a partner

Sometimes our body signals what is in front of us. suitable partner. How to recognize these signs?

Men

You mirror the girl's gestures, point the toes of your shoes in her direction, lean forward when talking. You begin to straighten your hair and clothes, your voice becomes higher than usual, and the pupils dilate.

Women

You touch your hair or twist a curl around your finger, bite your lip, show bare wrists. Your voice is getting lower. You repeat the gestures of the interlocutor, hold a longer eye contact, during communication, turn to him with your whole body.