Why not take an active interest in a man? Let him be a gentleman. Common interests and interest in his person

Inspiration and the desire to do something is the same resource as energy, and it can be controlled. If you have stopped wanting something from life, most likely your source of energy has dried up and needs to be reinforced. Here are five ways you can do it.

I will say right away: I don’t know what to do for those who, in principle, never wanted anything. Probably agree with the proposal of Artemy Lebedev: “How to motivate yourself? No way. Stay in the ass." Or go to a psychotherapist to rule out signs of depression. The problem of someone who cannot decide and falls into a stupor from this was solved by Barbara Sher. Read her book Dreaming If you feel the potential in yourself, but do not know where to put it. Or "I refuse to choose" - it is for those who are torn between several activities at the same time.

I am writing this article for everyone else: for people who set goals, achieve them, sometimes score and set others. And they worry if the time of life is not filled with something meaningful. And, probably, this article is for people who are busy with their pleasant business. Otherwise, the answer to the question "Why do I want nothing?" obvious (if still not, then this: because you can’t want what you don’t want).

What you need to know about inspiration and energy

The problem is that even your favorite work or hobbies cannot inspire you all the time. From time to time, however, there is stagnation. For example, it hits me once every few months: at such moments it’s reluctant to open a book, and what can we say about languages, dances and enthusiasm at work. AT Last year I am trying to investigate this feature. I started a table, I mark ups and downs in it for each lesson, looking for patterns. The algorithm has not yet been found, but it has been identified general principles and learned how to use them. And I share with you.

The first thing I realized is that you can put an equal sign between inspiration and motivation and think of them as energy. This is unscientific and unreasonable, but convenient, because it actually illustrates the same thing - an internal resource through which we move forward. Sometimes I think in the same terms about willpower. I like the theory of the American psychologist Roy Baumeister, which Kelly McGonigal described in the book Willpower. It sounds like this.

For self-control, the brain needs psychic energy, and if you cannot get together, then you need to restore your strength.

Why don't you want anything

So, let's say our desire to do something is related to the amount of energy. When there is a lot of energy, there is enough interest for at least one of the regular activities. (By the way, if you know how to expand the "flow" so that there is enough for several at once, or know someone who knows, let me know.) Daniel Browne in the book suggests training for wear and performing breathing or meditation practices but surely there are other ways.

Energy is a fickle resource, we either give it or receive it. And if you do not have enough strength for your favorite business, although you just had it, you squandered the supply along the way.

Here's what could have happened.

The absence of a system. I quickly run out of steam if I take on one or the other, but when I work on the to-do list and check the boxes, I feel a pleasant tone (in fact, this is due to endorphins).

Communication with some people. Dangerous categories of citizens are manipulators, whiners and aggressors. But if you are an introvert, communication in principle and even commenting on other people's posts on social networks can “de-energize” you.

Stress. How to prevent him from drinking internal resources - Daniel Browne advises. A few exercises from the book "Source of Energy" and other books on the topic that will help you "recharge" are in the article.

Consuming meaningless information. Personally, after 10 minutes on Facebook, I feel like I'm in a swamp. The advice to “follow only inspiring people” is not a panacea. From posts about vacation fees, dog vaccinations and new kindergartens, you still can’t hide. For the same reason, I almost do not follow anyone on Instagram and am not interested in the life of stars, although it would be useful for work.

An activity you don't like. There are two options here: either learn to have fun in spite of everything, or not invest emotionally.

General fatigue and insufficient body care- Poor nutrition and sleep, lack of physical activity.

If you observe your feelings, you will find a few more resource-drinking activities. My personal beacon is the feeling of irritation. When everything suddenly boils inside, although it seems that nothing bad has happened, it means that I am busy with something devastating.

What to do with it?

Now to the question "Why don't I want anything?" there is an answer: "Because there is not enough energy." I don't know how true it is, but this answer is good for two reasons: it shuts up the inner critic and tells you what to do next. So what? Firstly, to neutralize the destructive factor, and secondly, to restore the resource. Here are some ways to recharge.

Rest. The most obvious way. There are no universal tips like “get enough sleep”, “go to the exhibition” or “walk in the park”, because everyone has their own methods. Personally me in recent times restores this: on the day off, sit on the couch, cover yourself with three different books, a laptop, a tablet, a German textbook, a notepad for writing down ideas and making lists.

Switch from one activity to another at the first sign of boredom. A few hours of such chaos - and that's it, I'm ready for something structured.

Sport. In the process, endorphins are released, and as a result, you always see changes, even small ones. They provoke a surge of dopamine - a neurotransmitter that makes us strive for a goal and is strongly associated with the motivation mechanism. It is his bursts that are felt as tides of inspiration.

Set yourself up for a pleasant change. Dopamine is produced from everything new. That's why it's so nice to go shopping, dream, promise yourself from Monday to start new life or plan. And this, as you understand, implies a lot different activities. For example, I “charge” in a fabric store or at Asos, in a bookstore near the shelf with language textbooks.

When I watch videos with Irish dance champions, I look at beautiful flats, trendy looks or ballerina figures on Pinterest, I listen to music that I can put on a number. In general, I give free rein to the imagination and draw pictures of a beautiful, but quite possible future.

Do something without a hard goal and deadline if you are a woman. Or, if you are a man, to be in a situation of competition or overcoming. I heard this theory from the leading women's trainings: they advise their visitors to restore yin energy in some endless processes, for example, needlework, cleaning or a hobby, the buzz of which is not at all a result. Yes, I know it all looks like sweet dream sexist. But it helps me personally. Organizing a closet, sorting notes in Evernote, making a list of books read and books that you want to read - all these are my "secret gardens", in which the resource of inspiration is replenished quite quickly.

Do what you love. This will allow you to recharge your energy, and it will be enough for something else. Remember the schedule of hobbies? I made it to get rid of neurosis (Barbara Sher explains that it is the fear of not having time to succeed in all 5, 10 or 100 of your hobbies) and to take control of numerous hobbies. The method seemed new, and it triggered the production of dopamine. I had enough for three weeks: I read a lot, danced, did not miss workouts in the gym, instilled good habit(at that time it was a facial exercise) ... In short, it literally gushed with energy.

But then the charge of dopamine ran out, and he was enough for one thing. What exactly, you can't say for sure. I'm still trying to figure out what caused the desire to remember French this week, and to get a guitar the next. But now I know for sure: if you want one thing, you don’t have to force yourself to devote attention to another. The energy will “flow” by itself, just give it time.

Everything I said has been helping me stay productive for six months now. Now I quickly understand where the energy is flowing, and I restore it using one of the proven methods. Periods of stagnation still occur, but they do not last longer than two weeks. At such a time, I leave myself alone and let the sine wave creep up on its own.

The strong half of humanity has always been drawn to the weaker sex, like a moth to a fire. Despite the fact that these beautiful creatures are so different, both externally and in character, they all always attract attention. What is the secret here and what exactly causes a man's interest in a woman?

Woman character

First of all, the male sex attracts the character of a woman, which they want to understand and unravel. After all, not one of the men will be able to cry and laugh for a minute, complain about life, that everything is so bad and, without even waiting for consolation, begin to enjoy this “bad life”.

Nowadays, men are very attracted to non-smoking and non-drinking women. It never ceases to amaze them how delicately they present it so as not to offend anyone around them. For example, in a company where the majority smoke and drink alcohol.

Do not leave indifferent and women with correct speech who even when angry do not use obscene words, but if they already speak out, then men think that it would be better to swear.

Women's outlook on life

Women's cheerfulness strikes men. After all, no matter what the situation arises, a woman will always find positive side in the current situation. The strong half would love to do the same, but they have a little trouble with it. In their defense, they write off such behavior as frivolity.

All men are touched by the tenderness and sentimentality that is inherent in every woman. They really like the manifestations of these pics of character. But, not everyone is also able to show their feelings in public - after all, they can consider him a weak person.

But what attracts most in women is unpredictability. Not a single man has yet been able to guess what and when to expect. He is counting on one thing, for example, to go to the cinema, and she will twist everything so much that in the end he becomes an actor himself.

No man will refuse a woman's care. Although he tries to do the same as she does, he understands perfectly well that he is not good at it.

But, the woman's intuition strikes, perhaps, most of all. No matter how cunning and resourceful a man is, he still cannot outwit his passion.

Although men constantly complain that women spend a lot of money on themselves, but when one or the other goes to the grocery store with her, she is always amazed - how can such a sum buy so much food?

Women's logic in the eyes of a man

Anything in female behavior a man can explain and understand in his own way - just not her logic. The most striking example is her clothing in cold weather - a short skirt, tights and kind of light jacket or sheepskin coat. Although such an outfit attracts the eye, but at the same time you can see bewilderment and misunderstanding in them - how is it possible?

Mirror. One of the most common men's questions - what can you do so much time in front of the mirror? After all, a woman, even if she is late, will still stop next to him to see if everything is in order. A man cannot even imagine what she wants to see there. Even when he tries to repeat such maneuvers himself, he still does not find an answer.

Man showing interest

It is not difficult to notice the manifestation of interest in a certain woman by the behavior of the stronger sex. If you know what to look for, then the signs of this are striking. Mostly men are shy. And no matter what they tell, each of them experiences before a new acquaintance, as if doing it for the first time.

At first, the man himself, without noticing it, begins to preen:

straightens hair;
imperceptibly looks at his appearance;
blows away non-existent dust particles;
pretends to have lost something and quietly wipes shoes.

And when the girl she likes takes the first step herself and at the same time says some kind of compliment, then his joy will have no boundaries.

Interest can also be determined by raised eyebrows. When a man looks in the direction of a woman he likes and makes such a movement, he unconsciously sends a signal of his sympathy.

When meeting, male insecurity can be determined by the hands located on the hips. They will remain in this position until he is satisfied that he is reciprocated with sympathy.

The interest of a certain female representative betrays the location of his fingers - at such a moment the large ones are behind the belt or are somewhat hidden in the pocket.

Constantly before meeting you can observe how a man:

draws in the stomach;
straightens the shoulders;
puffs out the chest.

With such manipulations, he wants to show himself more courageous and strong. In addition, at the same time, he gathers strength to take the first step towards communication.

Every woman can be sure that she is interested when a stranger behaves nobly. These actions are considered:

a given seat in public transport;
open and held doors;
an offer of some kind of help, for example, to help carry a heavy package.

Such actions cannot be listed all, but they indicate that a man is interested and can behave like a gentleman.

Many women often have complexes because of their appearance, but they do it in vain, since they are all beautiful, only each in their own way.

A little more information can be found by watching the video:

You are interested in a nice guy, and you are thinking how to show him that you are really interested in him. Do not know how to awaken interest in yourself and constantly maintain it?

Subtle hints are often not enough to let someone know about your feelings and desire to develop a relationship. So how do you show interest in a guy?

Just be yourself

Let's say you familiar with ex-girlfriend a nice man to you and decided to become like her to get him interested in you. At first glance, this is logical - he met with her, which means that you need to behave and look the same as she does in order to attract (or return) a guy (or ex-husband respectively). However, on the other hand, they broke up, which means that perhaps the girl was doing something wrong. Better be yourself to avoid pretending to be someone else every time you see your potential life partner.

Smiling sweetly and making eyes, you can make a guy show interest in you and show him your sympathy, but it is impossible to keep a person seriously and for a long time with the help of gestures and facial expressions alone.. Be interested in a guy so that he is not bored with you. Without fanaticism, of course - you should not do something extreme. Here, show your erudition and sense of humor is a good move.

Let him be a gentleman

So the guy is into you. But how do you let him know that you're more than just likable? Let him court you, agree when he offers to help. Did he extend his hand to you as he got off the minibus so that you wouldn't accidentally stumble? So stretch out your palm to him, and do not say that you can handle it yourself. Does he want to call a taxi for you to take you home after dinner at a restaurant? So don't resist, let him do it.

Take care of him back

One of better ways let a person know that you care about him - take care of him, take care of him. The man came home from work, all frozen? Prepare him hot tea or coffee with something tasty - let him warm up. He came home to bad mood? Then kindly ask what is the matter, support in word or deed, if necessary, offer to find a solution to this or that problem together.

Give me a compliment

Do you want to attract a guy? Compliment his muscular body. But do not just praise his beautiful muscles, but say that you respect and appreciate such people who show perseverance and willpower to achieve such results. In general, understand what the guy likes, what he's good at, and compliment accordingly.

Show interest in the guy's hobbies

Even if you don’t understand anything about football, take an interest in how his favorite team plays, who won in such and such a match, and so on - it’s so simple. You are not required to sit and watch football with a guy, rooting for his favorite club. Although this would be unnecessary.

Be attentive and show your interest not only in the guy, but in everything that he loves so that he understands that you are set for a serious relationship, and not for a fleeting romance.

Show interest in people

When Katie's mother died, her boss, Barbara, was at the funeral, and later visited the woman during the days of mourning. Upon her return to work, Kathy was anxious to please Barbara, as she realized that she was genuinely interested in her as a person.

Show interest in people. But be careful: some are very sensitive about what concerns the area of \u200b\u200btheir personal life. Yes, it is very important to know about the families, interests and hobbies of subordinates, but you should not interfere in their lives unless they ask for it. Caring doesn't mean living someone else's life.

Interest in people must be sincere. The fake will always prove itself: its imitation leads to a loss of respect and understanding. Interest does not mean that the boss should spend hours discussing his personal problems with his subordinate. However, by devoting a few minutes to talking about what worries an employee, you thereby win his goodwill, loyalty, and increase interest in the business he is engaged in.

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Rule 3. Show empathy for the interlocutor. There is a concept the opposite of conflictogen. These are benevolent messages addressed to a communication partner. This is everything that cheers up a person: praise, a compliment, a friendly smile, attention, interest in a person,

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Step two. Be active!

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Lesson 3 Show Interest in People If we want to make friends, let's do something that requires our time, energy, selfless feelings, and consideration for others. Dale Carnegie. "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

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Be Persistent Under severe pressure, victims easily give up their positions, usually in power. own emotions whether it be fear, anger or despair. A free person in similar situations persists, not giving vent to harmful moods.

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We all know the situation when there is some kind of goal, but it is completely impossible to move towards it. But, if you look closely, there is always an internal conflict behind such a situation. And that is what needs to be brought to the surface. Otherwise, there will be no progress in the right direction no matter how much effort you put in and no matter how hard you force yourself to work.
There are two reasons internal contradiction: 1) contradiction between purpose and principles and 2) low self-esteem within the goal, self-doubt. But in both cases there is a place for self-deception, and the goal does not correspond to motivation.
We identify internal contradictions.
When the task at hand is in harmony with your internal state, its execution occurs naturally. Sometimes it even seems that the surrounding people and events play along with you. The necessary information is taken from somewhere, the right solutions are quickly found.
However, sometimes when internal conflict similar effects may be observed. And it seems to you that the desire is correct, but for some reason there are always reasons to do something else. A prime example serves as a person's desire to finally go in for sports. In an article by an authoritative specialist, a person read that a sedentary lifestyle contributes to the development of a whole bunch of diseases. He lights up with the idea to start going to the gym in the mornings on Monday. That is, what do we have? The goal of a person was formed not from his own needs, but under the influence of the opinion of a specialist. He got the idea of playing sports just by reading the article. On the face artificial origin the set goal. No deep intrinsic motivation. Therefore, it is safe to say that on Monday morning a person will not get up a few hours earlier to visit the gym.
Achieving a goal is not a matter of discipline. If you constantly force yourself to fulfill far-fetched goals, then conflict with yourself is inevitable. you spend great amount nerves and make your ego swell with a sense of your own self-discipline.
We have looked at the innocent example of sports, but the same applies to our professional activity. If you are wondering "how to make yourself work", then the origins should be sought precisely in the discrepancy between tasks and internal needs. Each of us knows that having a job we love is a great happiness. Because in this case, things are arguing and boiling. Any project rises with ease and enthusiasm. It is clear that in any job there is some routine, but there must be a factor that would infect and give a positive emotional coloring actions. Much depends on the warehouse of a person: someone likes to scrupulously delve into the numbers, and someone prefers active communication with people. But whatever your preferences, if you can't bring yourself to work, then it might be worth considering a change in job and lifestyle. Otherwise, your existence will resemble attempts to swing a frozen swing. The result is stress, depression and so on.
The conflict between intention and need can arise not only because, on a subconscious level, you do not feel the need to fulfill this intention, but also because of some personal attitudes and principles. When a person forces himself to do something that is deeply contrary to his nature and outlook on life, he will stagnate. Never delay with work where your moral principles and beliefs are violated in every possible way. It is better to direct your energy to find another place than to spend a huge amount of energy fighting your own conscience.
We get rid of the fear of failure in order to force ourselves to work.
Often we set ourselves worthy goals that do not contradict our moral principles, but still we postpone all actions for later. In this case, it is appropriate to talk about low self-esteem and belief in one's own incompetence. If a person has even the slightest doubt that he cannot do something, then the psyche sets up a protective block, the task of which is to prevent the action.
A person's lack of confidence in his abilities makes him be more careful, because. failure is a powerful blow to self-esteem. Therefore, a defensive reflex often works: it is better to do nothing than to humiliate your own pride.
The only way out similar situation Look your fear in the face and step over it. If you are aware of it and honestly admit it to yourself, then half the work has already been done, because. the problem is taken out of consciousness. It’s easier to overcome fear if you just as honestly admit to yourself that you are afraid to drop own self-esteem. Should failures somehow affect your mental condition? We are constantly haunted by some difficulties and mistakes in everyday life and in the profession. We need to methodically solve them and move forward.
We identify the causes of internal stress.
Often the reasons for marking time in any case are related to the fact that some unresolved issue hangs against the background of current activities, which is absolutely not related to the performance of this work. In this case, all attempts to concentrate and force oneself to work lead to the fact that thoughts endlessly float away somewhere in the other direction, and the mind begins to chew on completely different questions.
As soon as a solution is found, all obstacles and blocking to perform other tasks are immediately removed. Often such psychological obstacles become a real disaster, because Every adult has a lot of unresolved problems. In addition to work, we have a home, family, friends, relatives - and everywhere we need to decide something endlessly. Sometimes it's completely impossible to get away from them. But you need to study. At first it will be difficult, but over time it will become a habit. Accustom yourself to the fact that, having come to work, you leave all other questions behind. You can start with a logical explanation to yourself that from the fact that you will analyze an extraneous this moment information will not be better for your work, and you need to feed your family. At first, you need to literally force yourself to join the work stream by an effort of will. The human psyche is arranged in such a way that when focusing on one, the degree of importance is removed from the other. Over time, you will find that you are already much faster involved in the process, no matter what other problems weigh on you.