How to protect a teenager from bad habits. What not to do

It's no secret that adolescence is one of the most difficult periods in our children's lives, and in ours too. It's time to form different harmful addictions, a time of disharmony between the inner worldview of a teenager and the requirements of society. For our children, first of all, their friends become authorities. But life example such comrades is not always positive.

Total control of the child

Imagine that your teenage child with a distorted perception of the whole world suddenly falls under the influence of bad company. In this very bunch of so-called "comrades" your child is addicted to different kind bad habits, learned a completely unnecessary model of behavior, learned to be rude and swear. Of course, you, as a responsible parent, begin to take action. And most often they remind Stalin times. Any free thought - execution or exile. But if the great leader did it physically, then parents often put pressure on him morally.

Suddenly, imperceptibly, everyone becomes a philosopher, a judge and a Chinese sage at the same time. Usually this is expressed in long, frequent and, by the way, to no avail conversations and moralizing. They usually carry a negative connotation. A teenager finds at least ten answers for every word you say. Result: things only get worse. In fact, teenagers have a tendency to contradict and, out of principle, do what they are forbidden to do. Moreover, the more you express your dissatisfaction, the more opposition your child has.

Think! Is it worth forbidding everything, including trifles, and restricting a teenager too much in communicating with his comrades?

Liberal-permissive attitude towards a teenager

However, not all parents behave like prison guards. There is another extreme - to let everything take its course. Such parents develop something like a motto: in life you must definitely try everything! Well, just think, your child drinks beer, smokes, swears, dresses too provocatively. All this will certainly pass. And it passes ... Sometimes ... Rarely. Basically, as a child grows up, his habits also “grow up”. And here, dear parents, you are unlikely to be able to do anything. While your child is growing, you can show your authority, then it becomes more difficult to do this.

We have already said that teenagers are very strongly influenced by friends. As soon as you said that the influence is bad, your children proved the opposite to you. In the end, you gave up, gave up. Now your child is absolutely free in his actions. You think that the child can do as he wants, he will still get bored sooner or later.

Think! What if the insight comes too late? Is it even worth the risk of allowing a teenager to do whatever they want and communicate with anyone? And do you really think that you will regain the respect of the child in this way?

Democracy in Parent-Child Relationships

So, total control gives rise to a rebellious mood, a conniving attitude makes it possible to behave as you like, be in any company and listen to the advice of not entirely necessary comrades. There is another model of relationships between parents and adolescents - democratic.

There is a synthesis of the two previous ones here. On the one hand, you must control the actions of your child, but at the same time, try to give him the opportunity to choose, make decisions on his own. Teenagers begin to position themselves as adults. So it is necessary to communicate with them in an adult way. It is necessary to conduct confidential conversations, over a cup of tea, for example. In no case should you forbid the child to see his friends. Try to teach him to draw conclusions from the words and deeds of these very comrades, try to become a friend to the child. Yes, it is usually very difficult for parents, but believe me, it is possible. You yourself will like it later that your child asks for your advice and trusts secrets already in his youth.

Your task is not to forbid the child to communicate with certain people, but to push him so that he himself understands who surrounds him and what to do with it. And here's what to do, by the way, you can tell. But delicately, without quarrels and scandals. Just to give friendly advice.

If you want to protect your child, remember:

• ban less;
• talk to him more, try to highlight the importance of his decisions;
• do not let everything go completely to chance;
• do not try to protect the child from the milestones of experiences, friends and habits.
• shout less, engage in dialogue.

Our children are the most important thing in our life. Let them have their own head on their shoulders, which will help to understand who is who in this world and make existence more joyful and warm!

And you will find that very cherished middle that will help you prevent the child’s mistakes and become the best for him among all.

Specially forLadySpecial.ru - Marie Matveyuk

Bad habits acquired in adolescence often have to be eradicated throughout adulthood. What preventive measures can parents take to protect their children from addiction? And how to help those who have already succumbed to temptation?

Practice shows that most bad habits, from which it is difficult to get rid of for many years, we acquire in adolescence. The editors of Rambler.Families asked experts: why do teenagers start drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes, how to protect a son or daughter from getting acquainted with illegal substances, and is it possible to fight an existing addiction?

Why do they do it

Teenagers are fearless experimenters. The thirst to try new things is due to a young age, when everything is interesting and you want to “taste” the world opening up new horizons. Today your offspring enthusiastically learns to ride a scooter, tomorrow he enrolls in cutting and sewing courses, and in between these good lessons tastes bad ones - drinks the first glass of martini or smokes a cigarette.

“Adolescence is one of the most difficult stages in a person's life, which, according to psychologists, lasts from about 11 years to 21 years (girls usually mature earlier than boys). The child begins to separate from his parents, learns to accept own solutions, which may contradict mother's and father's, tries to feel independent. At this age, teenagers are most susceptible to the influence of their peers and strive to show their independence to the world, ”comments Olga Kuznetsova, a psychologist at the Yauza Clinical Hospital.

According to the expert, teenagers start smoking and drinking alcohol after different reasons: some people try to prove to their parents in this way that they are already adults, others solve the problem of self-doubt with the help of “adult” attributes, and still others begin to do it for the company in order to seem “cool” in their circle. However, in any case, the bad habits of adolescents are the first conscious rebellion of children against adults and against the system in which they have to exist.

Yulia Plyukhina, a psychotherapist at the K+31 clinic, believes that all adolescents are at risk of acquiring a bad habit to one degree or another.

“First of all, children from dysfunctional families are subject to this. Secondly, these are children who are prone to leadership, active, but with an unstable psyche. Thirdly, these are children who depend on someone else's opinion. And another type of children prone to bad habits is reserved teenagers, prone to philosophizing, who read a lot. They, as a rule, try drugs out of curiosity, they are interested in new sensations,” emphasizes Yulia Plyukhina.

Preventive measures

The disease is easier to prevent than to cure. This principle is guided by vigilant parents who arrange real surveillance for a teenager: they pack a bag for school, monitor correspondence in social networks, meet after school, call on the mobile. Such control does not lead to anything good. Often, wanting to annoy bored adults, a teenager tries to prick them in the most painful place, jump into a thorn bush, from which mom and dad tried so hard to divert attention. How then can disaster be prevented?

“In my opinion, there are no preventive measures. Cigarettes and alcohol are not root causes, but rather a consequence of problems that the child cannot cope with. I would advise parents of children who smoke and drink to think about what is happening within the family.

Ask yourself questions: why does a teenager have a desire to show his parents that he is independent of them and grow up ahead of time; why does he not feel confident and why does he need “doping” to accept himself? - advises psychologist Olga Kuznetsova.

Psychotherapist Yulia Plyukhina believes that it is still possible to protect a teenager from harmful temptations. Try to make your son or daughter have as little free time as possible, which he would spend in the yard or at the computer.

“A child should have leisure activities - sports, music, art school. For example, playing sports is a very good way to develop motivation. The main thing is that the teenager was interested. You also need to build a trusting relationship with your child.

The child will listen to you only if he believes in you. Children love to eavesdrop, and adults can use this technique to discuss among themselves how drugs can ruin a person's life.

It is necessary to tell how many worthy famous people lost their lives just because they used drugs, - says the expert. - But do not focus on prohibitions, because this can have the opposite effect and the child will have an obsessive desire.

If we talk about alcoholism and smoking, then it is very important own example. The family should have a culture of drinking alcohol. You can even have your child taste alcohol for the first time at home. For these purposes, choose something sour and tasteless.

How to save a drowning man

If you still failed to save a teenager from a sample of the forbidden fruit, do not despair and in no case blame yourself for what happened. AT this case it is important to make a decision, as they say, with a cool head. A teenager, seeing your confidence, is more likely to listen to your arguments.

What in the behavior of a son or daughter should alert parents:

• Periodically, the teenager is drowsy or, conversely, extremely active (such behavior may indicate drug use);
• There are sleep disturbances, sudden mood swings, irritability, up to unmotivated aggression;
• dilated pupils;
• When smoking and drinking alcohol, a characteristic odor emanates from a teenager;
• Lethargy, unsteady gait, vomiting (symptoms are characteristic of alcohol intoxication).

“If you find out that your child has started drinking or smoking, in no case do not scold him, do not shout, do not intimidate and do not make him repent of what he has done, because apart from aggression and fear on his part, this will not cause anything and only will aggravate the situation. Talk to him and try to understand the reason that pushes him to buy another pack of cigarettes.

Perhaps the child is trying to convey to you in this way important information but can't articulate it correctly. Adulthood both beckoning and repelling a teenager, and your task as a parent is to help him overcome this fear and grow up conscious, psychologically stable and happy man”, - advises psychologist Olga Kuznetsova.

The main thing is to let the child know that you are ready to help him and go through this hard way. But if the situation repeats, then you will treat this as a conscious choice and will no longer be able to help, says psychotherapist Yulia Plyukhina.

“In England, a person is treated for the first time for drug addiction or alcoholism, but he understands that if he starts using drugs again, then his relatives will not give him a second chance. Therefore, they have only three narcologists in the whole country.

In our country, addiction becomes a disease of the whole family, relatives often devote their whole lives to fighting, not realizing that this only increases addiction and motivates them to continue using alcohol and drugs, since the patient is sure that his relatives will help him, he does not feel fear for their health, does not think about the future.

But you need to understand that each subsequent treatment becomes less effective. And in order to fully realize your problem, you should be left alone with it, understand that your life depends only on you, ”summarizes Yulia Plyukhina.

Any parents want to see their child as a successful, happy and decent person. But sometimes things go wrong and the child gets into bad company. Naturally, this leads to disastrous consequences. What to do so that a teenager does not fall under the influence of bad company?

Causes

Why is looking for communication with similar companies? There can be many reasons. But here are the main ones:
the child lacks attention in the family- if the parents are constantly busy, communicate little or practically do not pay attention to the child, then he seeks to get him in another place, namely: in the company;

novelty of emotions- if the family pays a lot of attention to the rules and various prohibitions, then over time the child gets bored and if he sees how other children behave (arguing, fighting), this behavior will seem to him more interesting, unusual and more attractive than constant compliance with rules;

uncertainty- if a teenager is timid and not self-confident, then a bully seems to him an authority. After all, he is not afraid of anyone. Moreover, the child does not think that such behavior is possibly caused by the bully's inferiority complex. The teenager only sees the outer mask and believes it. He begins to copy the behavior of such bullies or befriend them, and all because he hopes to become just as self-confident and courageous;

adult misbehavior- a child can take revenge on his parents if, in his opinion, they behave incorrectly. And revenge will be expressed precisely in dealing with bad company;

misunderstanding in the family- if parents do not listen to the opinion of a teenager, do not understand him, the child has no choice but to seek understanding on the street;

low self-esteem - if a child considers himself ugly, stupid, etc., then he can contact a bad company, as he will think that he will not be taken to another. In addition, in such a company, other children will treat him with fear and respect, which means that self-esteem will increase;

- if adults do not want to take into account the opinion of the child, make an unfair decision (according to the teenager), he protests in this way - contacting a bad company;

admiration for such companies- bad companies often look attractive in the eyes of other children and are informal leaders. A teenager can admire such guys and strive to get into their company, then the illusion of his involvement in something important is created;

overprotection- if the child cannot even take a step without parental approval, this leads to the fact that the teenager seeks to escape from such guardianship. As a result, he may fall into bad company.

So, first you need to find out the reasons why the child got or can get into bad company. And then to act.

How can parents deal with the situation?

Naturally, it is important to act in accordance with the reasons that prompted the teenager to behave in this way. That is, if the child does not have enough attention, communicate more with him and spend time together. If the parents realized that they usually do not listen to the opinion of the child, change their behavior. And if adults recognize themselves in overly caring parents, it is worth giving the child more freedom and independence.

You can protect a child from bad company if you communicate a lot with him, spend time together, share experiences, listen to his opinion and trust him.

And here are a few more useful tips:

it is important to be an example for a child- not only in how to behave correctly, but also how to have fun, how to communicate;
find a bigger teenager interesting activities - sports clubs, various clubs, creative workshops will allow not only to learn something interesting, but also to find new friends;
spend leisure time with the whole family You don't have to do it every day or every weekend. However, at least a couple of times a month, you can all go hiking, picnicking, skiing, playing volleyball or snowballs together;
give the child more freedom It's important for a teenager. Therefore, you should not constantly interfere in his life;
improve self-esteem- if a teenager has problems with self-esteem, it is necessary to increase it. For example, find something in which he excels or can excel and help or guide the child. In addition, praise the teenager more often and give him assignments that he can complete, and which are really important and not too easy. This will help the child to become more self-confident;
confidence- Trust is very important in a relationship. If a child has been accustomed since childhood to share his thoughts and feelings with his parents, and his parents have always listened attentively to him, then there is hardly a problem with the influence of bad company;
if the child has already contacted bad company Don't constantly scold and blame him. It is better to gently and accurately convey to the teenager why it is better not to communicate with such guys, moreover, the child should think that he came to this idea on his own.

Parents should carefully guide the child, and not force and order.

Olga Yurkovskaya specially for the magazine "Liza"5/2018

Teenagers tend to take risks, and so does yours. Yesterday's quiet people begin to rebel brightly and direct their released energy not to study at all, as you yourself have noticed. Yesterday's child wants to be bold, take risks, prove to friends how cool he is, and then, alas, he is ready to drink and smoke. That's when parents begin to be terribly afraid that their son or daughter has fallen into bad company or will soon find her and make trouble.

What are the poor parents to do? Get a belt? The method is completely stupid and threatens with a final break in diplomatic relations. A teenager is easily hurt. But there is a universal solution that not everyone knows about.

Mentorship and charity

Your teenager is acting defiant in the first place because it is time to urgently get out of the role of a child, subordinate and helpless. And then he is thrown to the other extreme, when he wants to take risks, not to listen to anyone, to shock. It seems that there will be no end to this, and every day it only gets worse. But I have good news for you - risk appetite can and should be redirected in a safe direction.

Does a son or daughter want to feel like an adult, to check what he is capable of? Give this opportunity. Your task is to direct the desire to take risks for the benefit of the child and people. Understanding and accepting the adulthood of a teenager is great if parents are able to feel when and in what it is worth showing respect and trust in their child, giving him a little more independence. As soon as you limit it in everything that you do not understand or what you are afraid of, you will get outright sabotage and a daring desire to break not only secondary, but also useful boundaries. If you ignore these bells several times, you run the risk of exacerbating the already difficult transition from childhood to serious adult life for a long time.

You can take risks by breaking the law, or you can take risks by performing incredibly difficult sports stunts or tasks at the limit of your abilities. When we risk our reputations, such as the respect of important peers and adults who will witness success or failure, we also test ourselves. Let your teenager have a choice and understanding in which areas of life he can take risks and show himself. When there is a lot of energy, it will still manifest itself in actions, only let them be good deeds. Otherwise, the makings of leadership in your child will show themselves in all their glory, but not at all there and not in the way you want. The leader of a criminal gang is also a leader, but obviously with bad values, destructive ethics and asocial moral standards. What parent wants their child to inspire a gang of peers to exploits? I think you don't want to, since you're reading this article.

Therefore, let's create conditions and direct the forces of the child in the field of charity and mentoring. Both areas of activity allow you to check “what am I worth?”, “Can I manage?”, “Is it not weak for me?”. Let the teenager grow up, check what he is capable of in the world of adults, doing good.

Orphanages are a temple for empathy

You can start with simple things - arrange with an orphanage in the neighborhood or a children's circle, where a teenager will come to conduct classes with children. Does your child know how to play chess? Let him come and teach the kids chess. Does your child know how to do something with his own hands? Great, he can teach a group of kids to burn, plan or cut. Does he play football well? Here is an additional funny lesson physical education for kids.

Often the state helps abandoned children only financially, but they lack communication, lack mentors. But even for adults it is not easy to go to useless children, but for a teenager this is a real risk and an act. I know Orphanage, to which laptops were brought: a useful thing, but there was no one to come and teach children how to use technology. In such a situation, a son or daughter who cannot be torn away from the computer at home can act as real superheroes and turn the fate of orphans if they teach them to be more responsible in their studies, communicate, watch movies via the Internet. A teenage mentor can take the initiative and start a Vkontakte group on the Internet on any topic of interest to children, become a moderator in it. This will not just come-taught-leave, but a wonderful step to expand the circle of social contacts of such children.

Often social projects you don't need money, but smart people, volunteers, ready to help with deeds, knowledge. And your teenager can become one and get his share of admiration.

Teen teacher is responsible

Teaching experience can also become a real challenge for a teenager. You can work with peers or younger, and maybe with older people anywhere - at school, in circles, in youth homes, even in uniform home education or skype lessons. You can arrange with teachers so that your son or daughter becomes his assistant and leads part of the classes. You just need to set a goal, ask friends, approach the teacher. And definitely don't be lazy. And this is the task of parents - to find an hour or two and come up with a solution. And during this hour, rid yourself forever of a headache for a teenager and his future.

When a child begins to teach people or take care of the younger ones, you kill several birds with one stone. The teenager begins to feel social responsible person who brings goodness and benefit to the world, becomes more mentally stable. He understands that he is useful, that he is already improving the world, that his work brings measurable results. So he arrived, the children could not read English or did not understand search engines Internet - and he held classes, explained - the children learned. Children not only receive some learning knowledge They also broaden their horizons, develop everyday skills, become more independent and confident, and take their duties more responsibly. By the way, the teenager himself will also learn to understand the subject or business he teaches. Now this knowledge will be needed in double volume to demonstrate his experience and authority in front of the kids, this will not go unnoticed in his school.

The young teacher eventually receives gratitude from his students and their parents.

A teenager develops a teaching skill that is necessary for any leader and is useful in every company. Especially if the training takes place in the form of coaching, mentoring, in the format the right questions: “And you think - how?”, “And you think - why?”, “How could it be improved?”, “What would you do if so?”, “But what consequences will this lead to?”. The more a teenager acquires skills and interests, the more confident he becomes in the family circle, at school, the more authority he has for friends. It is important for a leader to have charisma, which can give him a lot for the formation of a whole personality.

And then an automatic skill will appear - to be a mentor for people who are under his authority, under his leadership. This is an inimitable skill that adults have been taught for years and for a lot of money. And you get this skill as a bonus to the ability to protect a teenager from bad company and bad behavior.