What to read to be interesting. In fact, the rules for effective business communication are quite simple.

General advice there is plenty on this topic. So general that each point requires instructions. For example:

find common topics of conversation with her;
listen to her, ask questions;
be confident;
be original;

But it comes down to specifics: you have a date with a girl. And it’s not clear how to prepare for this date? Maybe read something, watch something, remember something? Where to start communication? What to do if suddenly there is an awkward pause in the conversation?

We men love it when there is a plan of action. We plan the working day, keep a calendar of meetings, write out abstracts if there is an important presentation or negotiations coming up. But for some reason the approach to dating is different. We just buy a bouquet of flowers, take the lady to an expensive restaurant and... the result is zero. But it would be worth spending half an hour to think about what to talk about in this restaurant. The effect of such preparation is much greater.

What should I talk to her about? First I'll tell you How you have to communicate. Need to:

a) Tell interesting stories...

b) ... periodically asking her questions ...

c) ... in order to involve her in dialogue ...

d) ... and then simply manage your conversation.

This is the formula for success. This is how you easily fill painful pauses interesting stories, turn your attention to her, asking questions, and move the conversation to the topics you need.

So, the first skill for successful communication is the ability to tell stories. Your preparation for a date will begin with preparation. those for these stories. Let's do a little exercise. Take paper and pencil. Write:

3 books that impressed you the most Lately and why;
3 movies you liked the most Last year and why;
3 places in the world that you remember most and why;
3 interesting cases from your life for last month(maybe situations that you observed).

Write in exactly this order. If you don’t have favorite books, movies, places and nothing interesting happens to you... Uh... buddy, sorry, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. Why does she need such a bore? What should she do with you?

Ok, we warmed up, and at the end we got a list of topics for stories. Now you need to prepare the story itself. To do this, let's go back to 7th grade and remember how to write an essay. Before you write it, you should make a plan, highlight introduction,the main part, climax And denouement.

A good story contains all four of these parts. Plus it’s full of details and emotions. Now take any topic from your list and make 4 signs:

Introduction

Main part

Climax

Denouement

Now fill out all these four tablets briefly so that you have a summary for the story. Boring? Lazy? I know. That is why men get off with a bouquet of flowers and an expensive restaurant. So that dinner and a “broom” will brighten up an unbearably boring evening for a girl.

After you have written the story in this format, try to tell it. Then the second, the third... you will be surprised, but if you do this regularly, then very soon you will always have 5-10 excellent stories in stock that are appropriate in any company. And on a date too.

Stories are stories, but there are a couple more to consider important points, which will help not only make the conversation interesting, but also remove tension in communication (which is no less important than the communication itself).

That's why…

Let her open up to you!

Many people are afraid to openly talk about what happened to them. Some are ashamed, while others are simply afraid that their story will not be as interesting as they would like.

Therefore, when you are on a first date, the girl may be as shy about you as you are about her. Moreover, her upbringing will not allow her to entertain you more than you entertain her. So you have to take the rap for two, trying to somehow get her to talk. :)

But you can relieve her of this tension by allowing her to open up to you and begin to communicate more actively (she will thank you for this later).

A good way to liberate a girl is to start talking about something first. If you share a story from your life with her, then it will be easier for her to answer you in kind (the principle of “repaying good with good” will apply here).

Finally, when she begins to tell you something, it is advisable to ask clarifying questions that will help her tell you more details.

And sometimes you can simply ask emotionally: “Yes, okay?”, “Seriously?”, showing strong interest in her story.

Continue to use the tit-for-tat approach by sharing your stories with her. This way she will be more willing to say something in response.

Take her to another reality

Sometimes you can dream! Why not?

You just need to dream correctly, involving the girl in alternate reality.

How to do it?

It’s enough just to ask her any question from the topic around which you will build your joint alternative reality. For example: " Are you jealous? Imagine if some girls called me all the time. Would that make you angry?».

And after her answer, continue: “ Imagine, we are at home in the evening, and someone is constantly texting me. I'm saying don't worry, they're just groupies, but you're still nervous. Then you go into the kitchen and start breaking dishes. Then we make up and make love on the remains of this dish. Then we break the dishes together and make peace again right on these dishes...».

You can use a less explicit alternative reality: " Would you like to live on desert island? " And after her answer: “ Imagine how you and I would run along the beach, get food, drink rum. I would climb palm trees for coconuts and hunt birds. And you would roast these birds on the fire...».

When you dream with her like this, then it bonds you more than if you went on 10 mediocre dates.

A couple of tips for good communication

When you communicate with her and tell any stories, do not look at her scared and uncertain. Your look should radiate confidence as if your story is the best in the world.

If you are afraid that she will not appreciate what you are telling, then this will be visible in your reaction- you will look at her fearfully, as if afraid that she will not start to carry on the conversation. Try to hide these manifestations of your behavior.

It is equally important that you sit to the side of her, and not opposite her. Firstly, when you sit opposite, there is a strong barrier between you in the form of a table. Secondly, communicating with a girl involves at least some kind of touching, which can only be done while sitting on her side.

Try to speak confidently. Especially when you take her to an alternative reality. You're going to say it anyway - so why not say it confidently right away? If you start to mumble or your voice trembles, she will immediately feel that all your words are unnatural for you.

All these rules are simple and, at the same time, very effective. Especially try to pay attention to the first point of this article. After doing this at least 5 times, you will learn to communicate emotionally automatically, without even thinking about what exactly you are saying.

How to interest your interlocutor? How to become interesting in conversation? How to attract people and be able to communicate with any interlocutor? We will talk about all this in our article.

If you want to be interesting to your interlocutor, talk to him about what interests him, copy his behavior and be similar. After all, people like interlocutors who have similar interests - so says simple theory, accessible to everyone. And really, what’s so complicated about that?

But, as often happens, one thing comes out in theory, but something completely different in practice. Not all people can find common interests and general topics for communication, and you simply don’t always understand the topic that the interlocutor is talking about. Therefore, if you suddenly have such a problem, below are several practical advice in order not to be a boring person and to interest the interlocutor in the conversation.

1. Your interlocutor’s sphere of interest consists of several categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”. Usually people have a few favorite things that they like to talk about, and the rest do not excite them much.

2. In order to be interesting to the interlocutor, it will be useful to identify those categories that are interesting to him. To do this, listen to what the interlocutor is saying, if you have not yet started the conversation, or alternatively, unobtrusively inquire about his interests, try to prove to him your similarities and find common points contact.

3. In a conversation, try to determine the character of your interlocutor (just don’t succumb to first impressions) and his mood at the moment. this moment. This will help you avoid conflict and presenting yourself in a bad light.

4. It’s better to imagine your shortcomings as a continuation of your advantages, unobtrusively emphasizing them, maybe even with humor. This will help you not to scare off the person and create a positive image of you as a person who does not hide his shortcomings, but does not show them off either.

5. For better understanding in practice, it is also worth getting to know each type of people separately in order to determine in time the type of interlocutor and adapt to him.

So, here we go:

1. An interlocutor who is interested in people will first of all talk about the environment, some personalities. It is important to him who he communicates with, how they communicate with him and what his environment is like. He likes to express opinions about other people.

2. An interlocutor who is interested in a place is primarily interested in the space in which he is located and the things that surround him. He may have traveled a lot and likes to talk about his favorite sights and places in your city.

3. An interlocutor who is interested in time will, oddly enough, be interested in time and deadlines. Everything related to the passage of time is his strong point. Maybe you'll hear it in conversation last story about how he left home late and was almost late for work, or nostalgia for the old times in which he lived.

4. An interlocutor who is interested in values will tell you about his view of the world and, perhaps, compare them with others. He can act in his own way, if he values personal freedom, and do so unpleasant work because “that’s the way it should be.” Usually such people look at the world pragmatically, looking for some benefit in everything, for themselves and, perhaps, others.

5. An interlocutor who is interested in the process of execution and the sequence of execution will ask you not about what he needs to do, but HOW to do it. He can have good comparison and analysis skills, and put everything into perspective, acting step by step. Also, keep in mind that for most people, the pleasure and emotions gained from doing something are also important.

6. An interlocutor who is interested in objects will pay attention to the objects around him. He will probably pay attention to where the TV is and what kind of TV it is; in his speech you can often hear the names of some things, perhaps not only material, but also spiritual.

It is worth noting that people’s interests can be combinations, and you will never find a completely pure type anywhere.

AND main advice which can be given in this article - more practice and own experience. Use theoretical knowledge, which you receive, but draw your own conclusions.

From the ability to find mutual language A lot depends on anyone. This is also promotion career ladder, and successful personal life, and a large circle of friends. But how to become interesting conversationalist? What to say, about what and when? These questions concern both young people and experienced people. Let's figure out how to improve your communication skills.

You've probably met two different types of people. The former can easily join any team, calmly carry on a conversation and even entertain the company if necessary. For the latter, it is difficult to start a conversation with a stranger, it is difficult to select topics for conversation or speak in front of an audience. What is the secret of easy-to-communicate people, how to become an interesting interlocutor?

First of all, you should look at the type of temperament and character. People who move through life easily have a much simpler attitude towards many things. They are interested in many things, and they understand a variety of issues. It's not hard to find someone like that general theme anyone. However, despite his erudition, such an interlocutor will never emphasize his superiority.

Another one distinguishing feature interesting interlocutor - subtle feeling humor. His jokes are able to defuse the situation, but at the same time they are not vulgar or offensive. Funny incidents from life, unusual analogies and the ability to laugh at themselves make such people even more attractive interlocutors.

How to become an interesting person

A versatile personality is always interesting to others. But how to become interesting person and interlocutor? No matter how hard we try to study conversation technologies and select interesting topics, without deep study personal qualities it will be useless. You need to be interesting first of all to yourself. You must not only study a lot and learn new things, but also be able to operate with these facts. Interesting person will not stutter remember historical event or a new joke. Train your memory and attention, this will help overcome communication difficulties.

What to read to develop communication skills

Many books, manuals and brochures are published every day around the world for those who want to master the secrets of positive communication. How not to drown in this sea of information? What to read to become an interesting conversationalist? After all, if you take the first edition you come across, you may be disappointed.

Choose literature that has already stood the test of time and taken its rightful place on the shelves. Classic works of psychologists, theorists and practitioners will be very useful for further development communication skills. Not only will you learn proper communication techniques, but you will also be able to understand people better.

The Internet provides a wide range of opportunities for self-education. But when choosing a resource to increase knowledge, be careful and critical. Pay attention to who wrote the articles, whether the author has a pedagogical or psychological education. This will allow you to weed out obviously false information.

For self-education in the field of communication will be useful and periodicals. Articles in them undergo mandatory editing and are often written in collaboration with professionals. They definitely won't do any harm. You can even make a selection of clippings for yourself to make them easier to use.

Basic rules of an interesting interlocutor

Having studied the theory of communication psychology, you can begin to practice. There are several techniques that will answer the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist:

Taboo topics for conversation

Not everything is worth talking about and not always. If you are thinking about how to become an interesting conversationalist, be sure to study, but never raise these questions:

Politics - this topic is too complex and multifaceted. Especially international, because the world is constantly experiencing the most various events. People can stick to the most different points point of view, and categorically expressing one of them will easily lead to unnecessary conflict and a tense situation.
Health – this topic is considered intimate. Not everyone is ready to discuss the details of their last visit to the dentist. Moreover, it is considered indecent to publicly talk about your illnesses.
Personal life - people don’t like being pestered with intrusive questions. Topics such as marriage, having children, divorce, etc. are a personal matter for everyone. Discussing them is permissible only face to face and only with the closest people.

What to talk about

But then the question arises: what is acceptable to talk about? There are many topics for conversation:

Achievements of science, including new technologies: telephones, cars, etc.
Fashion, beauty, style - just don’t indulge in banal gossip.
Cinema, books, performances and other interesting events.

How to become an interesting conversationalist for a man and a girl

When developing relationships with the opposite sex, communication plays an important role. Often young people are looking for an answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl. And ladies are interested in the same things about men. But recent research by psychologists convincingly proves that there are no big gender differences. Just follow all the recommendations given, and you will definitely have success with the opposite sex.

Communication skill is one of the fundamental skills for a person to succeed in any field. For a person who quickly gets along with any people, can interest them interesting conversation and ideas, the ability to communicate is the very key that opens all doors for him. But in order for communication to begin to help you in life, you must learn about.

Who can be considered a good conversationalist? First of all, those people who radiate goodwill and love of life. Such people enjoy every moment of life and are interested in everything that happens around them. This allows them to talk about any topic, from conquering other planets to raising children. preschool age. Therefore, in order for communication to begin to bring you real pleasure, you must learn to truly love life.

The task you have set for yourself is quite difficult, but a person is capable of achieving everything he wants. To make your task a little easier, we recommend using some rules and recommendations.

Rule 1.

You can talk to absolutely any person; to do this you need to discover a topic that will be interesting to your interlocutor. It is almost impossible to meet such people who are not interested in anything in nature at all. If you do meet someone like this, then a universal theme that is appropriate in any situation is the personality of your interlocutor himself.

Rule 2.

Listen. This means that you must demonstrate to your counterpart that you are interested in communicating with him, in the topic of conversation, and also that you understand what he is trying to convey to you. To do this, you must look at the person you are talking to, nod in agreement with his thoughts, say “yes,” or insert remarks during the conversation that show your interest, for example: “well, really!” or “how great!” In addition, you can finish words or sentences instead of your interlocutor, or pronounce them together with him, and also, if necessary, give hints the right words or phrases. Don’t forget that if you didn’t hear something or understood it, you need to ask your interlocutor again.

Rule 3.

The topic of the conversation should be interesting to all participants. Even when you find yourself involved in a conversation whose topic is completely unfamiliar to you, try to listen carefully to the person you are talking to and understand the meaning of what he is telling you. If you do not support your interlocutor, and he does not feel your interest, your conversation will very quickly come to a dead end and be interrupted.

Rule 4.

If you were not understood, then you did not express yourself clearly enough. Just take this into account and don’t get annoyed when your interlocutor doesn’t understand what you’re telling him.

Rule 5.

Do not forget . A smile on your face lets your interlocutor know that you are willing to communicate with him.

Rule 6.

The next rule is how to become an interesting conversationalist, is that you should use the pronoun “I” as little as possible. Every person is an egoist who likes to be talked about. If you constantly say “I”, it will push him away from you on a subconscious level.

Rule 7.

Address your conversation partner by name. According to researchers, a person's own name is what he is most pleased to hear.

Rule 8.

Your speech should be simple and understandable; this will be regarded by your interlocutor as a sign of respect for him. Even if he is the winner of several scientific prizes, he will be more pleased if your speech is clear and accessible.

Rule 9.

If you are not asked, do not give advice and recommendations. If a person doesn’t ask you anything, it only means that he doesn’t need unsolicited advice. If you still try to give them to him, he may regard this as your attempt to put yourself above him, and this will certainly push him away from you.

The ability to conduct a dialogue correctly or, more simply, the ability to communicate is the key to all doors in our lives, a magic wand to fulfill all your desires. So let's now take the first step in this direction and consider the basic rules of successful dialogue and productive communication.

the site will tell you how to make a dialogue out of a monologue, what to do if the conversation doesn’t go well and how to improve your communication skills.

A good conversationalist

Many trainers oratory and in conducting dialogue they say that mastering this art begins not with the technique of the conversation itself, but with general attitude to people and to your interlocutor in particular.

A good conversationalist is a person who is interested in life in all its manifestations, so he can have an excellent conversation about development perpetual motion machine, and about formulas for infants. If you do not have a keen interest in life, curiosity in all areas, and a thirst for knowledge, then you will be able to master the art of dialogue only technically, and it will be difficult for you to derive pleasure from this process.

In general, all the rules can be summed up in one sentence: by trying to show your interlocutor your interest in the conversation and your disposition towards him, you create interest in him and good attitude to yourself.

Rules of a good conversationalist:

1. With any person, there is something to talk about

You just need to find what interests him! The percentage of people who are not interested in anything in life is negligible! At a minimum, you can always talk about the person himself. So instead of saying, “There’s nothing to talk to her about!”, it’s better to say, “We don’t have general topics for conversation!

2. Use active listening techniques

Active listening is a way to show the other person that you are listening, hearing and understanding what they are saying. To do this, you can look at your interlocutor, nod, say words like “yeah” or “yes,” briefly comment on individual phrases of the story (“how great!”, “wow!”, “what about him?”), continue for your interlocutor thought (when everything is clear, you can say the ending together with your interlocutor), help find necessary phrases or words (when the interlocutor hesitates), ask questions.

With all your behavior, show your interlocutor that you are interested, this will inspire him to continue the story and communicate with you further.

3. The conversation should be interesting for you

Even if it happens that you are forced to carry on a conversation about a hunt that is infinitely distant from you, try to get into the topic and interest of your interlocutor. If a person talks about what is interesting to him, but does not feel feedback, then the conversation will not last long.

Reception “Knowledge Box”: after the conversation, instead of being angry with yourself and your interlocutor for a useless empty evening, tell yourself what knowledge goes into your piggy bank: how to fix the light at home, how to fish, or what the image of the average military man is.

4. If the interlocutor does not understand you, then you expressed yourself incorrectly

Accept this simple rule, and it will be easier for you to have a conversation: you will stop being angry with your interlocutor for lack of understanding or getting annoyed that the conversation is going in the wrong direction.

5. Smile!

With a smile you show your disposition and openness to a person - this is an excellent platform for dialogue. By the way, you can feel a smile even over the phone, verified!

6. Eliminate the pronoun “I” from dialogue!

All people are selfish by nature, and everyone is only interested in hearing about themselves, at least at first. If you are talking about yourself in the story, change the form of the statement: instead of “I’m surprised,” you can say “surprisingly,” instead of “I want,” you can say “I want.” Thus, the tone of the statement changes slightly.

From personal experience: “I run a dating club, I’ve been working in this field for more than 5 years. Initially, my clients communicate with men through correspondence over the Internet. Reading letters from clients to men, I notice endless “me, me, me, me, me.” It is not surprising that they receive no replies to their letter. During personal meetings, when talking on Skype, such ladies sit, thinking hard about what to answer. You have to be able to carry on a conversation not only when it’s about you.” Elena, head of the dating club

7. Call the person you're talking to by name

Scientists say that nicer sound own name, finding something is difficult. Use it!

8. Speak the other person's language

At acquaintance, choose easy topics, ask simple questions. Even if you are at a scientific meeting, do not start the conversation with complex topics, start with something simple (“where are you from”, “how long have you been here”, etc.). Difficult topics often make the interlocutor, especially one who is not very familiar to you, tense up.

9. Speak simply and clearly

Respect your interlocutor, do not load your speech complicated words, terms, turns. Even if he has five higher education, it is unlikely that he will want to get into the essence of your proposal through the jungle of allegories and tricky words.

Even Einstein bequeathed to us to simplify everything we can. Remember, even on deep scientific topics you can speak in “human” language.

Do not try to give yourself status through conversation. Clever man in any case, he will understand what you are.

(usual friendly conversation): “Do you know what the most popular social elevator that delivers to the political elite, in addition to those given in the analyzed text, is party activity and the civil service?” Translation - “Do you know how people most often get to the top of politics if they are not in the civil service or in the party?” From a conversation with a friend, Love.

10. Don't give unsolicited advice

If a person does not ask you for advice, then he does not need it, and he just needs to speak out. If you give unsolicited advice, your interlocutor will feel that you put yourself above him, consider yourself smarter, and this discourages the desire to communicate.

11. Don't interrupt

Often we want to burst into the middle of a conversation with an exclamation: “Yes, yes, that happened to me too!” or something similar. Listen to your interlocutor, let him feel that his words are meaningful and interesting to you.

12. Respect boundaries

Pay attention to the acceptable limit of what you can talk about with this person and/or in this setting and/or at this time. For example, at a wedding it is not always appropriate to talk about yourself; at a meeting of a beer club you will not cause delight if you talk about the dangers of the drink, even if it is good-natured and scientifically based.

How to continue the conversation

Helpful techniques for continuing the conversation:

Development general rules and recommendations for dialogue will certainly take some time. To make your daily communication easier, we offer several very simple techniques, which will help you find a common language with your interlocutor and save even the most hopeless conversation (communication from the series “there is absolutely nothing to talk about with him”).

So, if the conversation doesn’t go well, the interlocutor answers you in monosyllables, the topic doesn’t really interest you, then you can always use 3 simple tricks. Let's look at them using a simple example:

your interlocutor - boring man, he gives monosyllabic answers, is not interested in you. The conversation doesn’t go well, the interlocutor tells you that he works as a postal courier.

1. Receiving questions

How to become a pleasant conversationalist? The Art of Dialogue

If you are completely unable to comment on what your interlocutor is saying, arm yourself with the magic questions “how?, when?, who?, where?, what?, why?, where?” Just try to substitute each question word and think about what to grasp in the question itself.

“How do you like this kind of work, it must be hard?”
“How long have you been working there?”
"Where would you like to work?"
“Which newspapers do you most often deliver?”
“What do people prefer to prescribe now?”

2. Reception of the chain

It's good to use this technique after you've typed in the information to answer your questions. Having caught on to some information from your interlocutor, move the conversation to another topic. If there is not enough information, ask more questions. But don't turn this into an interrogation.

“Yes, it’s hard, you’re on your feet all the time, and the bags are often heavy” - “That means you get very tired at work. How do you prefer to rest and relax? You're probably not a fan active rest ?»
“I’ve been working since I was 20” - “Since I was 20? Is this your first job? They say that people often don’t stay long at their first job, what do you think?”
“They subscribe to City News and various political newspapers” - “City News is an interesting newspaper. By the way, speaking of city news, have you heard that on Saturday there will be a big concert at main square? You will go?"

Further along this chain you can move the conversation to anything: where the interlocutor has been, is he married, what are his views on family and social life etc. In other words, this method can be called the “poke method”: by changing topics, you increase the likelihood of getting to the right one, with whom the conversation will finally turn into a normal dialogue.

3. Technique of paying attention to the reaction

If a person does not pay attention to your attempts to start a normal conversation, believes that you should interest him and amuse him, then you can always involve him in resolving this issue. When receiving direct questions, lazy interlocutors either join the conversation or retreat from it completely. Both options suit us. Pay attention to HOW he speaks, to his gestures. Questions can be asked with a smile.

“Are you always so laconic? You look so thoughtfully into the distance when I ask you questions. Is it easier for you to concentrate or are you tired?”
“Maybe something happened to you?”
“You look at me with such interest, but you are so reluctant to carry on the conversation, I don’t even know how to behave.”

Or just pay attention to HOW the person speaks. If he talks loudly, ask him why what he's talking about is so important to him. we're talking about. If he speaks with sadness or embarrassment, comment on it.

Phrases that are best not to be used in dialogue

1. “Say something”, “Don’t be silent, please!”

It’s better to say something yourself, and if the conversation has reached a hopeless dead end, then maybe it makes sense to stop it. In any case, do not force the person to answer: “Something”, he may feel stupid and awkward.

2. “You’re wrong!”

Each person has his own truth, and it is not for you to evaluate and judge. Better take an interest in why the person came to this conclusion; perhaps his story will surprise you, and you may even decide to agree with him on something. The main thing is to be open to changes of opinion and new information.

3. “I told you so!”, “I warned you!”

Your interlocutor sees his mistake and, using such phrases, you hurt him more. Let everyone make their own mistakes, this time you guessed right, tomorrow perhaps he will guess right. Self-affirmation at the expense of other people's mistakes is teenage behavior.

4. “You got everything mixed up!”, “You’re late!” etc.

If you do not want to go into conflict, then pay attention to your feelings, who were born after the act of your interlocutor. In response to your emotions he will always be able to offer valid reasons that forced him to do this, and there will be an argument. But the interlocutor will no longer be able to challenge your attitude to the situation.

Replacement examples:

“You got everything mixed up!” = “I’m upset that this happened”
"You are late!" = “It’s a pity, but now we won’t have time to do everything we planned.”

Do you have communication difficulties?

Lyubov SHCHEGOLKOVA