How to refuse to help a colleague. How to refuse intrusive people? Let's try to highlight the main principles of polite refusal

Letova Olga

Your company can produce a great product at a fair price or provide the highest quality service, you can be polite and considerate to your customers. But it does not matter, because customers will always find a reason to be dissatisfied.

The program freezes, the taxi is stuck in a traffic jam, the courier is driving too slowly,“I thought it would be green, but this is the color sea wave”, “can I have a discount of not 10% but at least 35%”, “where is the moon from the sky for these couple of thousand?”.

No, reciprocal rudeness, even if it seems adequate response, not an option. But in any case, you must learn to say “no” to clients, on the one hand, without burning guilt and, on the other, without aggression.

We will talk about ways polite refusal to help you deal with awkward situation and without a twinge of conscience to say “no” to the client without spoiling the relationship with him.

Ask for clarification

Quite often, customer complaints are emotional, but not very meaningful:

“Your update sucks, what the hell!!! Return everything as it was!”, “Where is that manager, it seems that his name was Vasily, with whom I talked on Wednesday? I want to work only with him, but I don’t know you at all and don’t want to know! What does quit mean? How can I be?.

When clients behave in this way, they at least give you the opportunity to ask a clarifying question, such as this:

“I am very sorry to hear this. Could you clarify what exactly you liked about the previous version that you couldn't find after the update? Why did you like working with Vasily? If you explain, I will try to take this into account, and maybe it will become more convenient for you to work with our company.”

Of course you won't replace new version product to the old one, just as you don’t persuade the retired Vasily to return back, you won’t even try. AT this case it doesn't matter.

You will give the client a reason to feel that their opinion is really important to you and that your company cares about it.

By the way, an added bonus is that customer explanations will actually help you solve their problem.

Promise the client to consider his request in the future

Very often, customers take the phrase too literally. "every whim for your money" and want from your company what it cannot give them.

Pizza delivery companies don't usually provide trash pickup or dog walking as an added option. And pizza is not always the same as rolls. Companies specializing in organizing children's parties rarely deal with bachelor parties, but sometimes the client does not think so.

It would seem simple “no, we deliver pizza, not rolls” it would be enough. But this is not entirely true, because

firstly, this upsets the client and reduces his potential loyalty (after all, someday he will want pizza),

a Secondly, you deprive yourself of an additional and completely free marketing tool.

In order not to upset the client, you can answer something like this:

“Unfortunately, at the moment we are not engaged in the delivery of rolls, but we will definitely think about it. Our company closely monitors customer requests, and if there are enough requests like yours, we will revise our range in the future.”

The client is pleased to know that his request will not disappear and that he was paid attention, even if this is the type of client who tries to order a striptease from a children's party agency.

However, it is important to keep in mind that this kind of polite refusal only works if your company is really ready to change its product line based on customer requests.

But don't lie

No matter how much you want to reassure the client just to get rid of him "here and now", don't do it. Avoid lies and empty promises.

You should not lie to the client that his request will be taken into account and considered if you are not even going to share this information with those who make such decisions.

It is bad to deceive a client, not only because it is unethical, but also because people usually feel good about this kind of insincerity, and your cunning can turn against you.

It's better to upset the client and say "no" than to cheat by saying: "We will certainly consider your request." Because after a while, when you forget about him, or your unsuspecting colleague or, even worse, your boss, is in your place, the stubborn client will call back and ask how things are going with his “Wishlist”.

Say "no" in other words

If you still need to refuse a client's request, you may well do so without using the word "no" at all.

Instead of “No, we do not and will not have a stripper cake” you can say “Yes, we understand that many people like striptease and groceries and that it would be an interesting move to combine them, but I'm afraid our company is not ready for this and it is unlikely that we will ever have this option” or "There is currently no way we can do this for you, but thanks for taking the time."

An honest but polite response is more likely to leave the door open for future success, and the client won't feel like they've wasted their time with you.

Let the client feel like they've been heard

Very often it is important for people to understand that their problem has been heard and understood. Simple tricks like addressing the customer by name or phrases like "I understand what you're talking about" continue to work.

Thank people for letting you know what they need. Whatever their problem, it is important that they took the time to contact you, even if they do not distinguish rolls from pizza and do not understand that the call center operator will not solve their problems with low learning new technologies.

By the way: Respond quickly, but not too quickly, so as not to arouse the unpleasant suspicion in the client that you are doing this automatically without even delving into his problem.

Suggest alternatives

If you are serious about maintaining customer loyalty to your company or to you personally in the long term, you should try to help them, even if it does not bring you obvious benefits right now. Yes, you do not deliver rolls, but you can immediately name the company that does it, even if it is your competitor.

The next most important thing for the client (after getting what he wanted to receive) is the feeling that his request was treated carefully and seriously enough.

If you skillfully and almost honestly combine different techniques of polite refusal, then your “no” will be perceived by the client almost as a “yes”. This will not only avoid embarrassment, but will also strengthen the two-way relationship between the client and the company and, last but not least, between you and the client.

There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can turn to them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. This property of their character is attributed by many to the virtues of a person, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “failsafe” in order to throw some of their problems onto him.

However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?

People who can’t say “no” often don’t have enough time for their own affairs and personal life, although as a thank you for their dependability, they can best case expect a dubious compliment.

Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively use their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim of the executioner. And even if the “failsafe” suddenly rebels and refuses the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of terry selfishness and heartlessness.

There are golden words that everyone should remember: “To live the way you yourself want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others have to think and live the way you want.

Why are people afraid to say "no"?

People who fulfill other people's requests against their will, most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no”, but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they don’t like at all.

So many people later regret that they once wanted to, but could not say no.

Often people, when refusing, say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. And indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.

Some people do not say "no" because of the fear of becoming unwanted and alone.

How to politely refuse?

When we say no, we often make enemies. However, it is worth remembering what is more important for us - to offend someone with a refusal or to take on the fulfillment of burdensome obligations. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude form. For example, the same diplomats try not to say "yes" or "no", replacing them with the words "Let's discuss it."

When saying "no", it is worth remembering that:

this word can protect against problems;

can mean "yes" if pronounced uncertainly;

successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;

by denying what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.

There are several simple ways polite refusal, which show that this task is within the power of everyone.

1. Outright refusal

Some people believe that when refusing something, it is imperative to state the reason for the refusal. This is an erroneous opinion. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the asker hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, in the future the lie can be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincere often gives himself away with facial expressions and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the rejection by saying: “No, I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do this”, “I don’t have time for this”.

If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirade. No need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no”.

This method is suitable for refusing people who are aggressive and overly persistent.

2. Sympathetic rejection

This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their own requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help in any way.

For example, "I'm sorry, but I can't help you." Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”

3. Reasonable refusal

This is a rather polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal and informal. It is suitable both for refusing to older people, and for refusing to people occupying more high position on the career ladder.

This refusal assumes that you name the real reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this, because tomorrow I’m going to the theater with my child,” etc.

It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing in its application is the brevity of the wording so that the asker quickly catches the essence.

4. Delayed rejection

This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone's request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically agree to any request. People of such a warehouse often doubt their innocence and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.

Delayed rejection allows you to think about the situation, and if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say "no" immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. Thus, you can insure yourself against rash steps.

A reasoned denial might look like this: “I can't answer right now because I don't remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I arranged to meet someone. I need to look at my weekly to be sure.” Or “I need to consult at home”, “I need to think. I'll tell you later" etc.

You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the conditions for assistance - what and when we can and what not.

For example, "I can take your child to school with mine, but only have it ready by eight o'clock." Or "I can help you do the repairs, but only on Saturdays."

If such conditions do not suit the applicant, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we do not want or cannot do, but together with the person who asks, we are looking for a solution to the problem.

For example, "I can't help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues." Or “Perhaps I can help you in some other way?”.

In response to examples of various refusal techniques, one can object that it is necessary to help people and that, by refusing others, we ourselves risk being in difficult situation when we have nothing to rely on someone's help. notice, that we are talking only about the requests of people who are used to "playing with one goal", who believe that everyone is indebted to them and abuse the reliability of other people.

Saying goodbye is a real art. It is especially difficult to say “no” to those on whom work, career, earnings depend. How to make sure that rejection not only does not damage relationships at work, but also strengthens them?

Logistics specialist Margarita Krylova suffers from her own inability to say “no”: “Even at school, everyone who was not lazy was writing off from me. I constantly remained on duty or carried out instructions from the class teacher.

Now Margarita is being exploited at work. If you need to go out on a day off, call her. On negotiations with absurd clients - she too. In addition, she insures colleagues who are late for work, trains newcomers and answers calls in the absence of an office manager. “I curse both my bosses and my colleagues to myself, but I’m afraid to say “no” out loud. Because I have such a good reputation. And the boss appreciates me, and my colleagues, ”Ms. Krylova justifies herself and continues to be torn apart.

To be or not to be

In order to understand which requests are worth fulfilling and which ones should be subject to a categorical veto, one must answer (first of all, oneself) a few questions.

The first question is: who needs it? If the work of the entire company depends on whether the request is fulfilled or not, it is definitely worth doing. Even if it's not your responsibility. In particular, this applies to situations where a company has a chance to get an important client, win a tender, or, on the contrary, risk losing a large amount of money. The authorities, as a rule, do not forget those who did not fail in difficult times.

Question two: "Can I refuse the one who asks?". In some companies, requests from superiors are not discussed. Although in this case it is not clear why they are called requests.

Question three: “what will I get by fulfilling the request?” / “what will I lose by not fulfilling the request?”. As already mentioned, a person who is ready to meet others halfway receives a lot of good things because of his reliability - gratitude, trust and, importantly, the opportunity to voice a counter request. And, on the contrary, ruthlessly and categorically refusing to neighbors, a person loses a good attitude towards himself. If the employee does not get any of the above "carrots" from the applicant (or is not needed), you can safely refuse.

And the fourth question, the answer to which can cross out all the previous ones: “what will I lose by fulfilling the request?”. If the quality of the performance of one's own duties, personal money, health, family or freedom is at stake, it is worth finding the correct way to refuse.

Psychologists identify two main mistakes of those who refuse: an overly veiled “no” and an unreasoned refusal.

In the first case, a misunderstanding may arise, and the asker will decide that he was answered with consent. The best way to refuse a request - to honestly say "I will not do this." So that the asker does not have illusions and false hopes.

For especially reverent persons, it is also worth reporting the motive for your refusal. Explain that this is not personal, but only a desire to do your job well. For if you do the work of others, who will do yours?

An unreasoned refusal gives the applicant the impression that he is being refused just like that. And this can lead to conflict. If the boss turns out to be asking, the emphasis in the argument should be on the good of the company. This not only smooths out the refusal, but also characterizes the “refusenik” as a professional.

If a colleague makes a request, it is better to honestly state the reason for the refusal. Of course, if it is strong enough and there is no reason to hide it (say, we are not talking about something deeply personal or about third parties). AT individual cases it is safer to shift the responsibility for the failure to another (“the boss filled me up with work”). And even better on the circumstances (“I won’t be able to replace you tomorrow - I won’t be in the city”). At the same time, it will not be superfluous to lament on this score, so that the asker does not have any doubts that he is being refused not of his own free will.

"I'd love to, but..."

One of the win-win options, if the boss is the petitioner, is to show your work plan for the near future and invite the boss to independently determine to the detriment of what the request will be fulfilled. If this technique does not work, suggest to the leader the candidacies of those to whom this can be delegated.

There is general method called "terry formalism". As part of this method, orders from superiors are accepted and issued only in writing and with the signature: yes, I will, but please draw up the appropriate order. In this case, the bosses prefer to give the task to someone else, rather than bother compiling such pieces of paper. True, it is better to apply this method in large and bureaucratic structures.

Do not refuse, Mr. Chief

Inconvenient requests are faced not only by subordinates who are pestered by superiors, but also by managers who are approached by employees. Should I refuse in this case?

If a subordinate came with a delicate issue or a serious problem, then he asks to take part in his affairs not the head personally, but the company in which they both work. In such a situation, it is better to meet the requester and get an extremely loyal employee. If the manager, for one reason or another, cannot fulfill the request of the subordinate, you can use the tactic "it does not depend on me." At the same time, the boss does not refuse, but tells the ward that he should consult with higher authorities. And some time later, with chagrin, he reports that "he himself would gladly agree, but the authorities disagree."

In any case, it is advisable for the boss to avoid conflict situations and, moreover, to refuse politely. Especially if a valuable specialist comes with a request. Even if in the end he will have to hear a refusal, it is better to voice it after strong arguments and a few laudatory phrases: “We appreciate you very much”, “Your contribution to the work of the company is significant” ...

Lastly, general advice. Whoever and under what circumstances would not have to refuse, for starters, you should put yourself in the place of the one asking and look at the situation from his bell tower. In this case, even a categorical “no” will sound as polite and inoffensive as possible.

The main mistakes that "refuseniks" make:

Rejection too aggressively
Rushing to say "no" instead of preparing the asker for rejection
Don't justify rejection
They don't offer an alternative
Denial too veiled

Acceptable opt-out methods

Be honest about the reason for the rejection
« Unfortunately, I won't be able to do it because…”
Suggest an alternative
“Today I have absolutely no time, but I think I can fulfill your request tomorrow”
Complain about the lack of knowledge/skills/competence/powers necessary to fulfill the request
“It is unlikely that the company will receive desired result if I, an engineer of the third category, will be the interpreter at the negotiations”, “According to job description, I do not have the authority to perform these functions"
Transfer responsibility for refusal to a third party/circumstances
“I would love to, but my immediate supervisor does not approve of this”, “I would be happy to leave my vacation earlier, but the ticket office does not want to change my tickets”

TOTAL: Before voicing a refusal, it is worth considering whether it is better to fulfill the request. If the decision is made, the refusal should be reasoned, polite, but categorical.

Have you recently received an invitation to a party that you don't want to go to? Believe me, your feelings are familiar to many! In most cases, you can refuse an invitation and still maintain a good friendship with the organizer of the event. However, sometimes refusing an invitation can cause misunderstandings between you. However, if you do this as quickly as possible and polite manner, you will be able to avoid misunderstandings, no matter what event you are invited to - for a walk with friends or for an official meeting.

Steps

Refusal of an invitation to a formal event

Report your denial as soon as possible. If the invitation says you need to respond to an event, please do so as soon as possible. If, upon receiving an invitation, you understand that you will not be able to attend the event, please notify the organizer immediately. If the invitation does not indicate that you need to respond about your participation in the event, inform the organizer that you will not be attending by choosing the most appropriate method.

Write your answer to writing. Thank the event organizer for the invitation. Express your regret that you will not be able to attend, and also wish you success in organizing the event. Say that you will enjoy spending time together next time. Don't change your answer! Stick to your original decision.

Be honest about the reason for your refusal. If for some reason you are unable to attend the event, please tell the organizer. If you don't want to talk about the reason for refusing the invitation, just politely decline without going into details.

Send a gift and a note of congratulations, if appropriate. If the event is organized on the occasion of a birthday, graduation educational institution wedding, or the birth of a child, send a small gift of congratulations after expressing regret that you will not be able to attend the event.

Refusing an invitation to an informal event

Report your answer in the correct form. If you received an invitation to e-mail, you can also send your answer by e-mail or private message to social network. If you received an invitation to an informal event in writing, send the event organizer a postcard with your response. You can also call or send a message if the invitation includes the phone number of the event organizer.

If you're having trouble saying the word "no", you're not alone. Many people periodically think that it would be a good idea to reduce the number of good and important deeds done for others to the detriment of their own cause.

There are at least six reasons why it is difficult for us to refuse a person:

Sincere desire to help. You want to do something good even for the person who will respond with black ingratitude.
Fear of appearing impolite. I want to answer only “yes” to someone who has the status and respect of others.
The desire to be like everyone else. It's hard to say "no" if you know that you will distance yourself from the group. "He who is not with us is against us."
Fear of confrontation. If you said no, then you will have to explain and defend your position among not the most friendly people.
Fear of missed opportunities. It is difficult for you to say “no” if, if you agree, serious prospects await you, even if you have to give up something valuable in the process.
Fear of breakup. Some people do not understand the word "no" - for them it means that the relationship is destroyed.

If you have noted for yourself at least one of the reasons why you constantly agree with what you do not like, then your mind is filled with false beliefs that you will have to get rid of.

After all, you have your own priorities and needs, and it would be a mistake to assume that other people will solve your questions and problems for you. By saying no, you give yourself the opportunity to mind your own business and, as a result, improve the overall result.

The main difficulty in saying no is to keep a good relationship with the people who are important to you. Therefore, it is necessary to say “no” as correctly as possible. At the same time, you must remember that in some cases you have the right to say "no" simply because you do not like something. Without explaning the reason.

"Unfortunately, I can't help you, very busy schedule"
This form of rejection is good if you are too busy. This will allow your opponent to determine the degree of your workload, and not bother you once again.
“At this moment, this and that happens to me, I cannot stop this process. A little later I may be able to help you."
For example, you are downloading a file or having an important conversation with someone. Naturally, you cannot quit this activity until you are done.
"I would like to do this, but..."
There are two mutually exclusive points here. On the one hand, you make it clear to the person that you like him and his offer. On the other hand, explain that you do not have the necessary resources or experience to properly fulfill his request. And no offense!
"Let me think how I can be of service to you"
It's more like "maybe" than "no". Be sure to think about this problem, if promised. Moreover, it is necessary to accurately indicate the time that you need to think. If your participation is really needed, they will definitely wait for you. Or turn to someone else.
“I will keep you in mind if I encounter something like this in my work”
Such a refusal is appropriate when you are engaged in some business, but you assume that your activity may somehow intersect with the theme of the petitioner. And then you can help him on the principle of "both ours and yours."
“I am not the best assistant for you. X would have handled it much better."
You may be asked for help in a matter where you are not fully competent. At the same time, you know who could fulfill the request much better. Why not recommend?
"No I can not"
Refusal without explanation. You always have the right to do so, unless, of course, it is the request of your boss...

And, finally, it is worth adding that refusal is not always a manifestation of non-participation. After all, only those who have the resources to do so can sincerely help their neighbor. The more successful your own affairs are, the more opportunities you have to make someone else happy.