How to say no softly. Seven simple ways to refuse a person

To say "no" so that a person is not offended, one must be able to. For some people, this is a whole problem, they begin to "walk in circles", thus getting into an awkward position. But this skill can be developed and it is not difficult. It's important to know a few simple rules, adhering to which, you will no longer doubt how to politely refuse someone.

Why are we afraid to say "no"?

Our life is communication, we are constantly in contact with each other and help. But there are situations when it is inconvenient to fulfill a person's request. Then doubts begin, you are tormented by a feeling of guilt that you have put your interests above others. But, if you think carefully, they could fulfill the request, within reason, of course.

The root of the problem lies in your insecurity. Usually it is the insecure individuals who experience such difficulties. They forget that help is voluntary. It seems to them that if they ask, then they should drop everything and give up their principles and deeds. This is not quite the right approach, when you do not have the opportunity - you can safely disagree.

This in no way compromises you, does not offend the one who asks. You just need to be able to present a refusal. To do this, you just need to try a few times, and then a habit will develop. You should start with a small stock of formulaic phrases that can be used in common situations.

How to politely refuse a person?

Main Rule successful people- Do not say the words "yes" and "no". They should be replaced by phrases that they will definitely let you know about the refusal and immediately explain the reason:

• "I don't want to do this";
• "I have no time";
• "I dont have an opportunity".

However, if a friend, boss, relative asks you, use other options, a reasonable “no” or a diplomatic one.

Here it is assumed giving reasons and suggesting a possible alternative:

• “I can’t do this because I’m working, maybe there will be a minute later”;
• “I will take your child to school if he is already dressed and waiting outside”;
• "You can repair the car, but on Saturday."

For all occasions there are the right words, they just have to be intelligible and to the point.

How to politely refuse a man?

This is a common problem. It all depends on who you are. Is it just "sticking" on the street or is it a friend talking about his feelings, maybe a former boyfriend who decided to return.

Let's start with annoying strangers, it’s easier with them, you can safely lie:

1. "I'm married";
2. “Now I have no time, here is my phone” (give him the wrong number);
3. "Give me your number, I'll call you back."

If the gentleman does not understand, act firmly and confidently, but politely:

• “I don’t intend to meet and meet, is that clear?”;
• “I’m not in the mood to talk to absolutely anyone right now.”

With the former, you can speak more frankly, but without flirting, but seriously and intelligibly:

• “We had a lot of good things, let me keep only these moments in my memory”;
• “Let's not rush things, maybe I'll change my mind, but not yet”;
• “You are very good, it’s too much for me. I want to find someone less wonderful."

And a completely different conversation is to be with a friend.

How to politely refuse a guy to meet?

I don’t want to break ties with him, but he is dear to you precisely in this capacity. And yet don't go around in circles, eh speak directly looking into the eyes:

• “I love another, but I need you, try to understand”;
• “I’m not in the mood for intimacy right now”;
• “Maybe later, now I need to sort myself out.”

Try to avoid common mistakes:

• Do not waste time, explain yourself as soon as you see the need;
• Do not flirt, so you give vain hope;
• Be specific, explain clearly and understandably.

Perhaps you need to leave a friend for a while and not communicate. Your constant flickering in front of his nose will pull at the wound. Try not to catch his eye, let him rest and forget.

Original ways to say "no"

Sometimes nothing helps, a person does not understand normal words. We'll have to take a trick:

• Move on to talking about money. Ask a fan about the salary, where and by whom he works. Then express dissatisfaction with a small income or an inexpensive car. Sigh languidly, passing jewelry showcases;
• Play dumb talker, guys don't like that. Tell him what you discussed yesterday with your girlfriend about cosmetics, dresses, and a nice neighbor. Let's not put in a word;
• Openly ignore its existence. On a date, answer his questions at random, call your girlfriends and mom while walking with him in the park;
• Tell me what is your big family: five children, a bedridden mother and an elderly grandfather. Nobody needs such a convoy.

One of these options will definitely scare an annoying man, there are no miracles.

How to politely refuse a customer a service?

Sometimes you come across such active clients that they simply do not let you work. They need to be able to say “no” without being rude or aggressive.

Use pull phrases, they will buy time:

• “Unfortunately, at the moment the specialist on this issue is busy, as soon as he is free, he will contact you”;
• “Yes, we understand your problem and will try to solve it as soon as possible. If it doesn't work out, we'll call you back";
• “Thank you for contacting us, we appreciate your time, so we won’t delay any more and will contact you with the results”;
• “Unfortunately, you are mistaken, our company does not do this, but I can give you the phone number of another company.”

Do not say "no" openly, otherwise the person will think that he was just rejected. Apologize, give him a couple of minutes, if possible - offer an alternative solution. The main thing - do not lie and let me feel an attentive attitude.

If you understand that you are experiencing difficulties in communication, start a few template phrases that will help you out in difficult moment. Of course, they are not suitable for every occasion, but you will become more confident not knowing how to politely refuse, having at least something in service.

Video: gently and politely refuse

In this video, psychologist Igor Kolokoltsev will talk about really working ways of polite, but hard failure a person, how to do this so that he does not hold a grudge against you:

Exist infinite set reasons that may force you to refuse the request of your relatives, friends and colleagues. Some people find it very difficult to say the word "no". Compared to men, women tend to have a harder time getting rejected. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, because the ability to politely refuse is extremely important in all types of relationships. Exist various ways make this task easier while maintaining peace of mind. Learn to ask for time to think, avoid confrontation whenever possible, and be as honest as possible.

Steps

Rejections in everyday life

Why is it so hard to say no. We are all still early age recognized the fact that consent is easier to give and helps to gain approval. This develops into a deep need to always indulge parents, which is associated with love and fear of renunciation. We may also fear separation and loss of our spouses or loved ones. If a friend's request is denied, there may be a quarrel or the risk of hurting feelings. At work, rejection can make you look like an unfriendly co-worker or hinder your career progression.

• In theory, consent is great, but in practice, we can say “Yes” so many times that then we can’t cope with the responsibility we have taken on.

1. Why is it so important to be able to say no? The ability to politely refuse is good way set and maintain healthy boundaries. If you pride yourself on caring and sacrificing yourself for others, then rejection will make you feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself agreeing too often and becoming irritated or tired as you take on too much.

   Time for reflection. Experts agree that the time to think before giving up is extremely important. When thinking about how to decline an invitation or request, remember that you are not required to respond immediately. Buy some time to avoid resentment or hurt feelings. loved one. But do not drag the rubber too long, as making a person wait longer than expected is also ugly. It is important to avoid situations where you immediately give a positive answer and then change your mind. This behavior will undermine your credibility.

   • For example, your mother asks you in February: “Are you coming to us for the holidays this year?”. You can answer like this: “I haven’t even thought about it yet. I don't know yet how things will go at work. Let's discuss this closer to September?".

2. Stick to principles. If you are asked to do something contrary to your principles, then it is best to refuse in a way that avoids open confrontation. Ask for time, saying that you need to think it over carefully. Think twice before agreeing to something that goes against your ideas.

   Try not to say "no". Don't say "Yes," but understand that you don't have to say the word to say no. Instead, talk about your concerns and the reasons for the rejection.

   • For example, if your boss asks you to take on another case, you don't need to say that you are already full to capacity. Answer differently: “I am currently working on case X, which needs to be completed by next week, and the deadline for case Y is next month. How much time can you give me to complete this project?

3. Be honest. Sometimes one is tempted to lie or make up a fable to justify one's refusal. But in this way you will only undermine your credibility and destroy personal or work relationships, because sooner or later the truth will come out anyway. Politeness is impossible without honesty.

   • For example, when refusing to accept an invitation, you could say something like, “This is a great opportunity/project for someone else, but it doesn't suit me. I wish you a good time / find a more suitable person.

4. Stand your ground. It may be difficult for you to repeat your refusal several times if the person constantly begs you to do something. Perhaps people are already used to you always agreeing, so they may just be testing the limits of your consent. Stand your ground and confidently repeat your refusal.

   • You can immediately refuse and explain your refusal: “I know that you really want to meet this weekend, but I already have plans that cannot be changed.” If the person continues to bother you, then answer him briefly but firmly.

   Refusal of specific requests

   1. Refusal to borrow money. Lending money to friends can put friendship at risk. If your friend takes a long time to return, then you may be hesitant to remind about it, and the person may consider that it was a gift, not a favor. If you think that your friendship or wallet will not withstand the non-return of money, then try to refuse a friend as politely as possible. At the same time, try to be as honest as possible.

      • For example, you could say something like, “I know you're having a hard time with your finances right now. Our friendship is very dear to me, but friends and borrowing money are incompatible. Maybe I can help you in some other way? or “I don’t have free money right now. I would be happy to help, but I have nothing.”

   2. Refusal of a request for a donation. If you know you won't be able to meet the request, then state its importance, refuse and offer another option for help. For example: “This is a good thing, but right now I just have nothing to give. This month I have already exhausted all available funds. You can try X or remind me about it next month.”

   3. Refusal of the child's request. Children usually do not like very much when they are not allowed to do something. If a child asks for something that you are not going to buy or allow him, then firmly refuse him and immediately explain the reasons for your refusal. It is very important that the child understands your reasons, and then offer him an alternative.

      • For example, you might say, “No, I don't let you stay overnight at a friend's house on a weekday. The next day you will be sleepy and tired during the lessons. I know you're upset, but you can always stay at your friend's on the day off."

   4. Refusal at a big request. You don't have to say yes if you've been asked a very large request. In the end, a person may simply not imagine how tired you are at work right now. You have the right to refuse even a personal request. A good friend will always understand you and will not consider rejection as a personal insult.

      • For example, say, "I'm sorry I can't babysit your baby this week, but I have a deadline for a project at work, and my homework has piled up." Be clear and honest. Do not lie, otherwise you will definitely offend your girlfriend and ruin your relationship.

   5. Rejection of a date. Speak directly and bluntly so that the meaning of your words reaches the person. The case concerns romantic relationship, ambiguity can be taken as a chance or a false hope, and this is best avoided. It is better to immediately say politely, but directly: “You good friend/ great guy, but I can't give you more" or "We're too different."

      • If you do go on a date and are invited to the next one, then say politely but honestly: “We had a great time, but I don’t think we are right for each other.”
      • Do not continue the conversation for a long time after the refusal. It's probably best for both of you not to see each other for a while.

   6. Refusal to have sex. If your boyfriend insists that it's time for you to move on to intimacy, and you are not yet ready for this, then refuse directly: "No." If you see fit, you can explain the reasons for your refusal: the likelihood of getting pregnant, your moral principles, or the fact that you are simply not ready yet. It is important to explain that this is your personal decision and is in no way dictated by the appearance of your partner.

      • You should not expect that your partner will immediately enter into a position and stop trying. Speak very clearly.

   7. Persistent requests. If you're constantly being pestered with a date invitation or that it's time for you to move on to sex, then it's time to get extra firm. If the person does not hear your polite refusals, then say “No” firmly again. Here are possible examples of responses and behaviors:

      • Say, "You're embarrassing me with your constant requests, so I'll just have to turn you down."
      • Tell a friend or partner that their behavior is making you very upset.
      • Refuse meeting requests.
      • Do not be upset because of the opinion of a stranger or just a friend. Try to avoid meeting the person if possible.

   8. Rejection of a marriage proposal. First of all, you need to thank the person for the honor. State that you cannot accept this offer and explain that it's up to you. You can explain in detail the reasons for the refusal, so that there are no omissions and misunderstandings between you.

      • This advice applies to situations where you have been in a relationship for a long time. If you just started dating, then just say: "That's very nice, but it's too early for such decisions."
      • If you were proposed to in public, then to avoid embarrassment, do not stretch this situation. "I love you and would like to discuss this in private." Don't play drama.

I can't refuse. That is, of course, I try to say no politely, but I very rarely succeed. Usually, all my attempts to politely refuse and at the same time not hurt the person end either with an insult or with the phrase “well, I’ll see what can be done.” The most extreme case - This . I don't know if a lie is small, good or half true. This is an even more difficult question.

constantly deceive - not really good exit, which in the end will still lead to a conflict, since you will finally get confused and lie.

How to refuse your boss, who once again asks you to stay after work? How to say a firm “no” to your relatives so that they are not offended? How do you let your friends know that you can't help them right now?

Actually there are options. great multitude we just don't know about them.

Your offer sounds very tempting, but unfortunately I have too much to do right now.

With the phrase “this sounds very tempting”, you make it clear to the person that his offer is of interest to you. And the second part says that you would love to participate (or help), but at the moment you have too many urgent tasks.

A beautiful refusal, but from my own experience I can say that for close friends or relatives, it will do it once or twice, and even then not in a row. If you refuse them in this way for the third time, the fourth time no one will offer you anything. This is especially true for picnics and other recreational activities.

Remember, once or twice - and then either change your social circle (for some reason you constantly refuse them?), or finally go somewhere. Suddenly you like it?

But for people you don't see that often, this answer is perfect.

I'm sorry, but the last time I did this or that, I had a negative experience

Mental or emotional trauma - another interesting option. Only a sadist will continue to insist that a person do what he did not like. Or a complete optimist with the slogan “What if the second time will be better?!”.

Although with some grandmothers trying to feed their emaciated offspring, the answers “I don’t eat meat,” “I’m lactose intolerant,” or “I don’t like boiled vegetables” do not work.

But if you say that the last time after you drank milk, you could not be in society all day because of stomach problems, you might be saved. Grandma, of course, will look at you a little askance and with a slight reproach, but she will not pour it into a cup with the words: “Well, this is homemade, from Aunt Klava, nothing will come of him!”.

I'd love to, but...

Another good way to say no. You would love to help, but unfortunately you can't at the moment. Just don't go into lengthy explanations of why.

First, starting to explain something in detail, you gradually begin to feel. And secondly, in this way you give the person the opportunity to cling to something in your story and persuade you.

Just a short and clear answer. No essays on the topic "I would love to, but you understand, I need to do ...".

To be honest, I'm not very good at this. Why don't you ask N, he's a pro at this

This is by no means a translation of the arrows.

If you've been asked to do something or help with advice, and you don't feel competent enough, why not suggest someone who really understands it? So you will not only not offend a person, but also show that you care and you are trying to help in any way you can.

I can't do it, but I'll be happy to help with…

On the one hand, you refuse to do what they are trying to impose on you, on the other - still help and at the same time choose what you want to do.

You look great, but I don't quite get it

What to do if a friend bought a dress that, to put it mildly, does not really suit her. Here the dilemma "who is more friend" arises. - the one to tell the truth, or the one to say she looks great in all the outfits?! This applies not only to appearance, but also to the choice of an apartment, work and life partner, after all.

But who are we to talk freely about fashion? If we were, for example, well-known designers, then we could criticize and immediately offer several other options to choose from.

And if not? Then either say everything as it is, if you are sure of the adequacy of a girlfriend or friend, or transfer the arrows to some celebrity from the world.

It sounds great! But now, unfortunately, I have a very tight schedule. Let me call you...

This answer is great when the option is interesting, but right now you're really not in a position to help. So you not only do not offend the person, but also leave for yourself the opportunity to join the offer that interests you a little later.

Even at lectures on psychology at the university, we were taught that it is necessary to refuse, starting a sentence with the word “yes”, and then adding the notorious “but”.

It works, though not always. It all depends on the situation and the person. You won’t be able to play around for a long time and sooner or later you will have to explain why it’s still “no”.

But if you are diplomatic and firm enough, then over time people will know that if you refuse, it is not because you are just lazy or you do not want to have anything to do with them, but because you are very busy man and you can certainly, but a little later. In the end, people must learn to respect you and your opinion. As well as you - someone else's.

Have you recently received an invitation to a party that you don't want to go to? Believe me, your feelings are familiar to many! In most cases, you can refuse an invitation and still maintain a good friendship with the organizer of the event. However, sometimes refusing an invitation can cause misunderstandings between you. However, if you do this as quickly as possible and polite manner, you will be able to avoid misunderstandings, no matter what event you are invited to - for a walk with friends or for an official meeting.

Steps

Refusal of an invitation to a formal event

Report your denial as soon as possible. If the invitation says you need to respond to an event, please do so as soon as possible. If, upon receiving an invitation, you understand that you will not be able to attend the event, please notify the organizer immediately. If the invitation does not state that you need to respond about your participation in the event, inform the organizer that you will not be attending by choosing the most appropriate method.

Write your answer to writing. Thank the event organizer for the invitation. Express your regret that you will not be able to attend, and also wish you success in organizing the event. Say that you will enjoy spending time together next time. Don't change your answer! Stick to your original decision.

Be honest about the reason for your refusal. If for some reason you are unable to attend the event, please tell the organizer. If you don't want to talk about the reason for refusing the invitation, just politely decline without going into details.

Send a gift and a note of congratulations, if appropriate. If the event is organized on the occasion of a birthday, graduation educational institution wedding, or the birth of a child, send a small gift of congratulations after expressing regret that you will not be able to attend the event.

Refusing an invitation to an informal event

1. Report your answer in the correct form. If you received an invitation to e-mail, you can also send your answer by e-mail or private message to social network. If you received an invitation to an informal event in writing, send the event organizer a postcard with your response. You can also call or send a message if the invitation includes the phone number of the event organizer.

Letova Olga

Your company can produce a great product at a fair price or provide the highest quality service, you can be polite and considerate to your customers. But it does not matter, because customers will always find a reason to be dissatisfied.

The program freezes, the taxi is stuck in a traffic jam, the courier is driving too slowly,“I thought it would be green, but this is the color sea ​​wave”, “can I have a discount of not 10% but at least 35%”, “where is the moon from the sky for these couple of thousand?”.

No, reciprocal rudeness, even if it seems adequate response, not an option. But in any case, you must learn to say “no” to clients, on the one hand, without burning guilt and, on the other, without aggression.

Here are some ways to politely say no to help you deal with awkward situation and without a twinge of conscience to say “no” to the client without spoiling the relationship with him.

Ask for clarification

Quite often, customer complaints are emotional, but not very meaningful:

“Your update sucks, what the hell!!! Return everything as it was!”, “Where is that manager, it seems that his name was Vasily, with whom I talked on Wednesday? I want to work only with him, but I don’t know you at all and don’t want to know! What does quit mean? How can I be?.

When clients behave in this way, they at least give you the opportunity to ask a clarifying question, such as this:

“I am very sorry to hear this. Could you clarify what exactly you liked about the previous version that you couldn't find after the update? Why did you like working with Vasily? If you explain, I will try to take this into account, and maybe it will become more convenient for you to work with our company.”

Of course you won't replace new version product to the old one, just as you don’t persuade the retired Vasily to return back, you won’t even try. AT this case it doesn't matter.

You will give the client a reason to feel that their opinion is really important to you and that your company cares about it.

By the way, an added bonus is that customer explanations will actually help you solve their problem.

Promise the client to consider his request in the future

Very often, customers take the phrase too literally. "every whim for your money" and want from your company what it cannot give them.

Pizza delivery companies don't usually provide trash pickup or dog walking as an added option. And pizza is not always the same as rolls. Companies specializing in organizing children's parties rarely deal with bachelor parties, but sometimes the client does not think so.

It would seem simple “no, we deliver pizza, not rolls” it would be enough. But this is not entirely true, because

First of all, this upsets the client and reduces his potential loyalty (after all, someday he will want pizza),

a Secondly, you deprive yourself of an additional and completely free marketing tool.

In order not to upset the client, you can answer something like this:

“Unfortunately, at the moment we are not engaged in the delivery of rolls, but we will definitely think about it. Our company closely monitors customer requests, and if there are enough requests like yours, we will revise our range in the future.”

The client is pleased to know that his request will not disappear and that he was paid attention, even if this is the type of client who tries to order a striptease from a children's party agency.

However, it is important to keep in mind that this kind of polite refusal only works if your company is really ready to change its product line based on customer requests.

But don't lie

No matter how much you want to reassure the client just to get rid of him "here and now", don't do it. Avoid lies and empty promises.

You should not lie to the client that his request will be taken into account and considered if you are not even going to share this information with those who make such decisions.

It is bad to deceive a client, not only because it is unethical, but also because people usually feel good about this kind of insincerity, and your cunning can turn against you.

It's better to upset the client and say "no" than to cheat by saying: "We will certainly consider your request." Because after a while, when you forget about him, or your unsuspecting colleague or, even worse, your boss, is in your place, the stubborn client will call back and ask how things are going with his “Wishlist”.

Say "no" in other words

If you still need to refuse a client's request, you may well do so without using the word "no" at all.

Instead of “No, we do not and will not have a stripper cake” you can say “Yes, we understand that many people like striptease and groceries and that it would be an interesting move to combine them, but I'm afraid our company is not ready for this and it is unlikely that we will ever have this option” or "There is currently no way we can do this for you, but thanks for taking the time."

An honest but polite response is more likely to leave the door open for future success, and the client won't feel like they've wasted their time with you.

Let the client feel like they've been heard

Very often it is important for people to understand that their problem has been heard and understood. Simple tricks like addressing the customer by name or phrases like "I understand what you're talking about" continue to work.

Thank people for letting you know what they need. Whatever their problem, it is important that they took the time to contact you, even if they do not distinguish rolls from pizza and do not understand that the call center operator will not solve their problems with low learning new technologies.

By the way: Respond quickly, but not too quickly, so as not to arouse the unpleasant suspicion in the client that you are doing this automatically without even delving into his problem.

Suggest alternatives

If you are serious about maintaining customer loyalty to your company or to you personally in the long term, you should try to help them, even if it does not bring you obvious benefits right now. Yes, you do not deliver rolls, but you can immediately name the company that does it, even if it is your competitor.

The next most important thing for the client (after getting what he wanted to receive) is the feeling that his request was treated carefully and seriously enough.

If you skillfully and almost honestly combine different techniques of polite refusal, then your “no” will be perceived by the client almost as a “yes”. This will not only avoid embarrassment, but will also strengthen the two-way relationship between the client and the company and, last but not least, between you and the client.