Do you need to experience emotional pain? How to get rid of mental pain after breaking up: advice from a psychologist

Every person is familiar with this feeling of longing, sadness, despair, when overcome by obsessive negative thoughts, and life seems to be a hopeless existence, full of fear and hopelessness. To relieve physical suffering, it is enough to take painkillers and then consult a doctor. It is much more difficult to answer the question of how to cope with the pain of the soul, because scientists have not yet invented magic pills that can heal the wounds of the soul.

What is heartache

Mental pain, or suffering, is a severe psycho-emotional state which occurs as a result of the inability to satisfy the most important vital needs of a person. Most often the strongest soul feelings come after a loss, whether it be death or separation from a loved one, loss of a job, financial situation, social status or even your favorite thing. Sometimes the soul hurts because of the inability to get what you want.

Any situation that unsettles, has one or another traumatic effect. Loss can be experienced for years, and forever remain a bleeding heart wound. A person can completely lose the meaning of life, as people say, put an end to himself. This condition can lead to sad consequences - drug, alcohol addiction, prolonged depression and even suicide.

How to deal with emotional pain

Mental trauma leaves terrible traces in the human psyche. Even seemingly insignificant grievances can cause great harm if they “step on a sore spot”: affect psychological trauma received in childhood or evoke memories of tragic events that happened earlier. best advice how to cope with the pain of the soul that painful memories cause - to heal the trauma once received. This process is not fast, it requires serious efforts and the help of a professional psychologist.

You have to learn to take care of yourself mental health with the same attention as to the physical. It is best to start healing mental wounds, as well as bodily ones, as early as possible. If something terrible happened in life, you need to make every effort to survive the grief correctly.

No need to suffer in silence, gritting your teeth. Perhaps in films and novels such heroes look incredibly courageous, but in real life unexperienced suffering remains a thorn in the soul and continues to boil for the rest of one's life, poisoning the soul and body and leading to illness and aggression. Feelings must be extracted from oneself by any means. Give vent to tears, confess to a priest, speak out in a psychologist's office, cry on the shoulder of a friend.

An excellent method of self-help is pysanka. Its essence lies in throwing out all your experiences on paper, reaching the most secret thoughts. Pysanka helps to “give away” the pain, to decompose it into its components, to understand the hidden motives of one’s actions, to understand the most painful issues. Information on how to write Easter eggs correctly can be found on the Internet.

After strong emotions slowly begin to weaken, you need to give yourself nourishment, an opportunity to recover. To do this, you will have to learn how to get rid of the past, start living here and now. There are excellent and very simple techniques to help you focus on the present. To return to the “now”, it is enough to stop the mental flow even for a moment, look around, see how amazing the world how sweetly the birds sing and how beautiful the sky is at sunset. Such simple exercises help to realize the value of life and show an alternative to depressive states, not allowing them to take over the mind.

The process of recovery is to find in the tragic situation that happened a resource for later life. Properly experienced suffering helps to gain invaluable experience and become a good help for new achievements. Remember, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

There is simple ways relieve the painful condition and look at life from its good side. If the injury is not deep, it is enough to follow these tips to restore peace of mind. Serious emotional experiences cannot be ignored, they need to be treated with the help of a specialist psychologist. In this case, the advice will be a good support for therapy.

Take care of yourself. Find new interests and hobbies. Spend more time on fresh air, go out into nature, walk in the parks. Get enough sleep.
Take care of your body. A great way to relieve pain is relaxing massage, sauna, spa treatments. In addition to pleasant sensations, these procedures have a beneficial effect on the body, help to relieve tension and relax, and the body, as you know, is closely related to the mental state.
Go in for sports. At physical activity endorphins are produced in the body, which are responsible for the body's resistance to stress and disease and improve mood.
Learn to stop the flow intrusive thoughts. In this case, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises are indispensable.
Look for the positive in everything. As you know, there is no silver lining, and the most hopeless situations can turn into unexpectedly happy consequences. Of course, it is blasphemous to seek joy in death. loved one, but in all other cases there will definitely be positive moments that will open up new opportunities or at least give a reason to smile.
Don't close in on yourself and your pain. Do not turn your pain into the meaning of life and into an eternally bleeding wound. Learn to ask for help. Try to communicate with kind and bright people. If the trauma is deep, work with psychologists, join support groups.
Work on yourself. Suffering is a reason to think about your existence and about the soul. Realizing its underlying causes, you can understand what exactly led to such consequences, and correct your mistakes. Life is just beginning!

Video: Advice from Alex Yanovsky "What to do if you are in pain"

Life is impossible to live without tragedies and troubles. Suffering leaves its mark on the human soul. But if you learn to experience mental pain correctly, these scars will become a reminder of the experience gained and serve as a lesson on how to overcome adversity and emerge victorious from them.

We know how the head, stomach, injured finger and other organs and parts of our body hurt. Defining the concept of mental pain is much more difficult, because it is not completely clear what the soul is, and how you can feel that it hurts. However, emotional pain can often be much more dangerous than physical pain, which is why it's important to know how to deal with emotional pain.

Let's talk about what causes mental pain, what feelings and emotions a person experiences at the same time, why it is sometimes more difficult to endure these sensations than to endure physical pain. We also denote milestones living these feelings and ways to ease a person’s mental anguish, helping to cope with them faster and easier.

What is heartache and why does it occur?

The obvious reasons for the birth of unpleasant emotional experiences are partings or the final loss of people close and significant to a person, life failures in a professional or creative way, serious conflicts, defeats.

However, according to statistics, a huge percentage also suffers from other mental disorders. successful people, perfectly realizing themselves in social and family terms. What's the matter? Or, as the people say, are they mad with fat?

Disappointment, loss of significance, meaning of ongoing events can occur at any stage life path each person. Initially, it was the loss of faith in the importance of what is happening, whether it Nobel Prize, the birth of a son or ruin, the waste of a multi-million dollar state, gives rise to emptiness and pain in a person’s soul.

The discrepancy between reality and expectations lies in wait for us in equally and on bon voyage when everything goes very well, and when nothing happens, no matter what we undertake. Achieved goal gives rise inside a person to exactly the same question as the one that has not been reached - “Is that all? What's next?"

The happiest, most dizzying love, the highest jump, the deepest dive does not please us forever. Why, they rarely please us for more than a few moments. Happiness is changing spiritual emptiness and the pain of my own imperfection. To then be replaced by new aspirations and joys. That is life.

Causes of being stuck in a state of mental pain

The percentage of those suffering from depression (and we are talking about official statistics, that is, only about those who officially seek help) is increasing every year. People are doing less hard work physical labor(which is an excellent antidote for this disease, by the way - physical fatigue does not allow mental fatigue to set in). We have more and more time for self-reflection, fewer unmet needs.

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Many live in a state of internal unconscious dissatisfaction for years. The human psyche has two main ways to process emotional experiences - splash them out or drive them in, into the subconscious.

Since most of us were not taught to live our experiences correctly, remember from childhood: “Mashenka, good girls they don’t get angry and don’t scream”, “Petya, real men don’t cry”, “Katya, it’s not good to laugh so loudly, it’s ugly” - great amount people are simply suppressed in themselves by resentment, anger, pain from separation.

But they don't disappear. These feelings accumulate within you for years if you do not allow them to leave your soul and body. You get stuck in a state of extreme mental pain without even knowing it.

What is the danger of mental pain, especially not conscious

The American physician Elizabeth Kulber-Ross developed a special psychological technique for people suffering from incurable diseases. It is aimed at helping the patient accept what is happening to him as inevitable. This method has spread widely over time and is used today in many psychotherapeutic practices.

There are five stages emotional experience heartache: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Experts around the world agree that you cannot overcome the pain of losing someone you love until you have consistently fully experienced the full range of emotions in each of these stages.

This takes a lot of time and emotional forces. It is believed that the period of residence of separation or death native person lasts from a year to two years or more, depending on your psychophysiological characteristics.

You must allow yourself to feel anger at the person who left you, then all the pain from his absence next to you, all the fears and feelings associated with him. If you skip any of the stages, in consequence you will subconsciously return to it again and again, plunging into negative experiences.

Do not poison yourself by indulging again and again in pleasant and unpleasant memories of the person who left you. Allow yourself to be sad for as long as you need it, but at the same time try to be distracted, get new positive emotions. Find occasions for small joys every day, learn to focus on positive pleasant things.

Finally

Coping with heartache is an essential life skill, as each person faces both loss and disappointment along the way. Remember the need to feel it completely, and not suppress it and drive it into the depths of your subconscious, from where it will be difficult to get it even for a qualified specialist.

Our life continues until the last breath, and it is a real miracle and a gift, despite all the difficulties and losses that we will get along with it. You can survive everything, and use what happened to you as a threat to your peace of mind but as an opportunity that makes you stronger, wiser and more experienced.

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Regular failures in the love field and prolonged absence career development, sad news about the loss of a loved one and oppressive loneliness are the prerequisites for the occurrence of severe pain in the depths of the soul. Similar phenomenon cannot be cured by taking an effective pill or potion. The consciousness of a person who is in depression acquires a coma.

It will not be possible to diagnose the problem that has appeared, because no medicines have been found to treat the above symptoms in the 21st century. Soothing capsules and psychotropic drugs can aggravate the current situation, harming the consciousness damaged by grief and feelings. It is not surprising that people have a question: How to relieve severe mental pain? What is the best way to bring a loved one back to a fulfilling life? Where is the formula for success hidden? How to get rid of?

Mental pain appears in people who were not mentally prepared for the events that occurred. If you set yourself up in advance various options development of the situation, it will be much easier to realize the fait accompli

How to deal with emotional pain: a step-by-step guide to action

To solve the problem, it is recommended to contact a psychologist who correctly diagnoses the cause of spiritual experiences by offering his own method of healing. However, it also becomes possible to get rid of severe pain, which every minute absorbs the consciousness of a person. Most importantly, follow the simple sequence of actions recommended below:

Find the cause of the emotional pain.
Do not deny the existence of depression by accepting past events as an element of the past.
Realize the magnitude of the situation.
Decide on the consequences by projecting the most "terrible" picture of events.
Compare the results obtained with the scale of the situation. Are the realities not so harsh?
Change the familiar environment, gradually arousing interest in life in the mind.
Get rid of reminders of the event that happened by "opening" new page own being.
Enjoy the positive moments while avoiding the negative ones.
Learn to live in a new format, becoming happy.

It is difficult only with the help of words and encouraging phrases. To restore understanding with a damaged consciousness close friend and the beloved will have to be around regularly, returning the lost trust. Remember that severe mental pain causes a state of apathy towards the world, aggression towards people, hatred for the events that have happened. Do not transfer this spectrum of emotions to yourself, because your loved one does not want to offend you - at this moment it is very difficult for him.

If you regularly train emotional stability, you can prevent the occurrence of mental pain. Rational perception of past events is a reliable base for a balanced and invulnerable person

Options for solving the problem at different ages

If you want to help a loved one get rid of mental pain, be sure to consider his age. At different intervals of life, the worldview of people has a distinct similarity, so the methods for solving the problem are identical:

Age 5–10 years.

In children, spiritual experiences arise because of the unfulfilled promises of parents who did not fulfill cherished dream child. Encouraging such a format of behavior is an inappropriate decision by adults, but you need to help the baby during such a period. To "free" the consciousness of the offspring from, an unplanned trip to the amusement park is enough. You can buy a young explorer who knows the world, a serving of ice cream or new toy- most importantly, a moment of surprise that causes positive emotions in the child.

Age 10–18 years.

In such a period of time, mental pain becomes a consequence of the betrayal of a loved one or appears after a series of failures negatively perceived by peers. that take possession of the mind of a teenager, slow down the process of growing up, preventing the child from being realized in society. The only rational way out of this situation is to switch the attention of a person who is in transitional age for exciting activities. New circle communication will allow a teenager to painlessly survive a depressive state.

Age 18–30 years.

To restore emotional balance, you need to regularly be near an adult who is experiencing severe stress. At this age, depression appears after failed love relationship ending in divorce. Discord in the family, lack of communication with the child, dissatisfaction with the authorities, lack of funds - the reasons for the experiences are varied. However, the method of treatment is invariably the same - heart-to-heart talks and a reliable "shoulder" of support.

In an attempt to help, do not become a "hostage" of your own mercy, sharing the worldview of a person experiencing severe mental pain. You should listen, giving him the opportunity to speak out, but disagree, maintaining the format of depressive communication. Be there and prove your loyalty by restoring your loved one's faith in people and a brighter future.

If you ask a villager how to cope with mental pain after a difficult event, he will advise you to get down to business. There is work - there is no time to think. If you ask the same question to a Buddhist monk, he will recommend meditation, spiritual development. A mother of many children will say that the child will cure the inner emptiness. The rich man will answer that purchases or promising investments will save him. The volunteer will confidently declare that only selfless kindness will relieve sorrow. Each has its own method.

Are there universal ways free from heartache? It turns out that yes.

Jump from the past to the future

There is no point in dwelling on a problem from the past. If something bad, irreparable happened, then it is better to accept this difficulty, comprehend it once, and then let it go forever. Instead of reliving a difficult moment in your thoughts over and over again, it would be good to think about your future. Several topics can be considered:

whether this complexity will be important in a year, 5, 10, 20 years;
how to continue to build life, taking into account the events experienced;
what kind of people do you want to see around;
what dreams seem the most real, interesting, how to realize them;
how to set clear goals, achieve your goals;
what to do for your future today;
who can be in 10 years and how.

It would seem that thoughts about the future will not make a person happy, because it is important to live today. However, if you think about it, the answers to most of these questions will require action in the near future. Dreams, goals, ambitions, expectations are the future, but the steps to get them are the present.

Get rid of physical reminders

Things former partners, deceased relatives, old correspondence, newspaper clippings about other people's victories, instead of their own - all this makes me sad. Moreover, even gifts, once pleasant photos can hurt. If you want to forget a person or an event, it's time to take up the cleaning, take out the old trash.

It is better not to distribute these things to loved ones, as bad energy is already associated with them. According to psychologists, burning will be a good option. It is important to mentally say goodbye to each subject. One can imagine how the threads are torn one by one, connecting with someone or something unpleasant from the past.

Stop blaming anyone

Why is it better to let go of resentment towards others, to forgive yourself? If a person does not do this, he:

obsessed with the problem, “gets stuck” in it;
ceases to notice the good around him;
begins to ignore, launch its own future;
moves away from loved ones, depriving himself of their support, help;
constantly experiencing negative emotions;
more often suffers from diseases of psychosomatics, neurology, from colds, as immunity is reduced due to stress;
changes outwardly for the worse;
deprives himself of happiness, the chance to get it, to keep it.

What is done cannot be returned, but you can forgive yourself. If the feeling of guilt gnaws more and more, it is better to come up with an unusual “punishment”. Positive, focused on helping others, nature, yourself. For example, charitable donations, building a house, giving up obscene words, smoking or alcohol, etc. Why is it considered a punishment? Because it is difficult to fulfill it, but then it will be easier to forgive yourself.

If another person is to blame, it is advisable to let go of resentment against him. Such a decision will help to breathe with ease, because hidden evil is a heaviness. In addition, no one canceled karma, the boomerang rule, the universal balance and God's punishment.

Treat everything as an experience

Having solved the problem once, a person will be easier, faster to cope with similar or similar difficulties in the future. However, this will require the ability to translate your mistakes, life's difficulties into useful experience. How to do it?

For example, a girl recently experienced a breakup with her beloved boyfriend. She cannot or does not consider it necessary to return her ex-fiance, but she is still suffering from mental pain. In order to turn the bad into the valuable, she will need to honestly, deliberately answer a few questions:

what was done wrong, what is the main reason for the break, what are the additional ones;
whether it was possible to correct the situation at any stage, how, if so, and why, if not;
is not it ex-boyfriend- the man you need
what was good in the relationship, for which you can and should say “thank you”;
whether there was influence from a third party or the snag was only a couple;
how to change your negative traits to please “that same guy”;
which should never be repeated in the future;
what good the breakup gave (freedom, security, stress relief, for example).

By analogy, these questions can be easily modified for other situations. For example, “Why did I get fired, is it my fault?” “What can be done to win the next competition? etc.

Pay attention to your speech

Not only thoughts, but also words are material. If a happy man will constantly pronounce the phrases “I don’t want to live”, “I’m tired (a)”, “Life is unfair”, then soon he will really feel bad. The brain perceives such phrases as instructions and, in accordance with them, gives signals to the whole organism.

For the same reason good words it is desirable to speak more often - from elementary " Good morning”, “Thank you” to “Life is beautiful!”.

Find a Teacher

In nature, society, there is nothing that would be completely unique. The same difficulties happen to different people in different periods. If your situation seems hopeless, it is better to try to find a person who has already gone through this, ask him for advice. You can search for recommendations:

in the circle of relatives, friends, their acquaintances;
on forums of topics of interest;
on the official pages of psychologists, psychotherapists, rhythmologists, similar specialists;
in groups of social networks;
at meetings, peaceful meetings devoted to the necessary issue;
believers, but not fanatical people.

Sometimes a completely stranger becomes a Teacher, but his advice is the most valuable.

Don't push away random joys

Delving into the problem, experiences, a person begins to ignore everything that is happening around. After the breakup, the girl does not see the loving eyes of the neighbor guy looking at her. An employee who is not accepted for a vacancy he is interested in does not even open the mail, although other profitable offers have already accumulated there. A man who lost his wife in a car accident grieves, not noticing how his little daughter is preparing breakfast, trying to replace her mother, to get her father's attention.

Even after the most severe loss, life goes on. Sometimes it's better to give yourself and others a chance - go on a new date, look at another job, have fun with a loving child.

Consider other areas of life

Main areas of life:

family;
love;
Job;
self-development - spiritual, intellectual, moral, etc.;
material aspect;
hobbies, interests;
health;
status, importance, popularity in society.

If the problem occurs in one of these areas, the other eight must not be forgotten. Perhaps it makes sense to take a breather in some area, even let it go with the flow, switch to other options. Then there will be a chance that the problem will disappear on its own along with. Employment in any field will leave no room for negative thoughts.

These tips will help you deal with mental pain. However, it will be impossible to say goodbye to a heavy inner feeling forever without appropriate efforts. A person who wants to regain his joy can only achieve this by going through changes within himself or in his environment. Any changes require a sincere desire, strength, so you have to try hard for your own happiness. But isn't it worth it?

Why, when people break up, many can not relieve the pain for a long time? How can you help yourself get over a painful breakup? What can be done so that the heart stops reacting painfully at the slightest reminder of what happened? Such feelings are evidence that for you a real separation never happened. Psychologists call this state of "incomplete situation" and give valuable advice on how to deal with it.

Let's first find out what causes acute pain during parting. Feelings can only be deeply hurt if one person is in psychological dependence from another. The desire for his love, devotion and the need for his recognition are replaced by jealousy, resentment and anger when expectations are not met.

Especially in the relationship between a man and a woman, there is a tendency to build some kind of plans for each other, to harbor hopes, and, as they say, "build castles in the air." And when, for some reason, all this collapses, then the higher we flew in our dreams of someone, the more painful it is to fall, seeing the situation in its true light. The disappointment that overtook you causes seemingly unbearable pain when parting.

Some people manage to just stop thinking about it, putting it out of their heads. However, having driven the pain to the very bottom of your soul, you still did not get rid of it. Perhaps outwardly, nothing seems to be happening, but on the inner level, the emotional storm continues. The situation must be completed, otherwise you risk carrying this burden, suffering for a long time under its yoke.

How can you help yourself get over the pain of a breakup? Tune in to the fact that you will have a fight on two fronts - intellectual and emotional. You will have to act on them simultaneously, according to the following order. First, figure out what exactly is bothering you. Write down in order what torments you, what expectations did not come true, decide what exactly you are offended by. Such an analysis will help you look at the situation from the outside and reduce the level of emotional stress.

Secondly, try to realize that the one with whom you broke up, in fact, there is nothing to blame. Everyone decides for himself what he should be, with whom and how to treat. Even if he made you believe in something, he still doesn't owe you anything. AT modern world associate one's entire well-being with some specific person shortsighted. For such illusions, one has to pay with mental pain. Don't expect people to do what you want, and that will protect you from disappointment.

Thus, you will come to the conclusion that it is really naive to think: "I am hurt because he is bad." Adults understand that they are solely responsible for their experiences. That is, “it hurts me, because I hoped, I expected ...” And he is what he is - and you are not in power to change anything here. Therefore, having ceased to feel sorry for yourself and blame someone, you will part with a childish way of thinking.

Of course, emotions cannot be turned off by the mind just like a light switch. They need to be given an outlet, and then they will subside. There are two options here. One of them is to aggressively throw out everything that has accumulated in the face of the offender. Many people resort to this primitive method. However, in this way you will again manifest your need for the participation of this person in your life. But you want to get rid of the suffering that this emotional dependence causes you.

It is better to get rid of accumulated emotions without involving other people. Instead of hiding your feelings, let them come out intensely. It's like removing a festering splinter. At first it hurts a lot, but over time, the desired relief comes. If you cry out or somehow “open” your pain, you will feel an inner emptiness. This is fine.

And now that negative emotions practically gone, you're ready to move on to final stage parting. You can have a small ceremony - to see a person and put an end to your relationship, for example, saying "Goodbye." You need this, so do not try to figure out or prove something. It's just time to really let go. Or play this meeting in your imagination. Such a check will show whether you have completed the situation or whether there is still something left. # Divorce and causes of divorce #

In any case, this will help you accept reality as it is and open a new page in your life. Of course, it's always easy to give advice. But rest assured that by applying the thoughts from this article, you will definitely cope with mental pain. Start moving in right direction. Over time, you will be able to avoid unpleasant sensations by encountering something in life that would remind you of the parting you experienced.