Fear of loneliness in women phobia how to deal with. Causes of female loneliness

George Bernard Shaw

The fear of being alone is one of the most common fears people have today. It is also called autophobia if it is pathological in nature, when a person cannot stand loneliness at all. It would seem, how can this be - after all, there are a lot of people around and there are also many ways to establish contact with them, which is only the Internet, in which we can all communicate with each other. But at the same time, we still feel alone. Not all of course, but many. Why is that? This has its reasons, and in this article we will consider them with you. And then we'll figure out how to deal with the fear of being alone. You don't have to surround yourself to do this. a large number people and constantly communicate with them on all sorts of topics. In many cases, you can feel very good and comfortable alone. So friends, if the problem of loneliness is relevant for you, and you want to learn how to deal with it, or rather, how to deal with the fear that it causes, then this article is for you.

The fear of being alone has many reasons to exist. It is not at all necessary that a person who experiences such fear is really alone. He just might feel lonely, for a number of reasons. Suffice it to say that many people today feel very lonely just because they have become less attentive to each other and less interested in each other. That is, we are talking not just about people's interest in each other, but about their interest in each other precisely as people, as individuals, and not as resources or sources of some resources, or as business partners with whom you can agree on something and so on. The value of a person in the eyes of other people, without all that he has, has decreased - that's the problem. And if other people do not value us, then we ourselves begin to value ourselves less, precisely as people, as a person, with all its advantages and disadvantages. This does not apply to everyone, but to many. Therefore, people tend to impress each other with, for example, expensive and beautiful things, high status, bright appearance, and not with the help of some of their own. personality traits. Although it is clear that the same status and material security implies a certain difference between a person and other people, when he is superior to them in some way, and therefore has something that they alone do not have. But at the same time, we won’t argue that people who are less successful in life are not interesting in anything and there is nothing in them? We won't. But we pay less attention to them, admire them less often, and even rarely communicate with them. And they do the same to us if we don’t stand out in any way from other people. As a result, we are all, as it were, in the shadow of those who are superior to us in some way, and we are interested in each other only sometimes and only in a certain capacity, for example, as I said, as a resource or source of resources. And our personality traits often go unnoticed and underestimated, so we feel lonely. And we are afraid of this feeling. We are not just afraid of being alone, we are afraid of being worse than others, we are afraid of being unnoticed, not taken seriously, not accepted by other people. These are all roots of the fear of loneliness.

It is also worth noting that a fairly high pace of life and excessive practicality, which we all try to adhere to in order to keep up with modern living standards, have turned most of us into a kind of automata, for which only vital resources have become important, but not those goals and not the meaning for which these resources are mined. As a result, people even began to communicate with each other using standard phrases, template questions and answers, they do not show sincere interest in each other, they simply imitate communication. And if no one shows interest in you as a person, as a person, but only looking for an opportunity to benefit from communicating with you, you will naturally begin to feel lonely. With the same success, a person could communicate with artificial interlocutor programs so as not to feel lonely. Moreover, these programs would not try to get something from him, which is already good. Therefore, in some cases, people are quite satisfied with the pets that create them good company and warm the soul. After all, if a person communicates with you superficially, stereotyped and solely for the sake of some benefit, and not because you are interesting to him, therefore he does not take into account your desires and interests at all, does not pay attention to your problems, then what is the interest in such communication, what is it useful? With such communication, you feel like a thing, not a person. As a result, a feeling of loneliness can overwhelm us even when there are a lot of people around who are superficially interested in you and each other, sort of automatic people who not only communicate with each other and with you, but imitate communication.

So it turns out that in order to get rid of the fear of loneliness, modern man you need to look for ways, for a start, at least just to attract the attention of other people, somehow standing out from the background of everyone else, and then try to somehow keep this attention on yourself. The only question is how exactly to do it. There are many ways, let me tell you. You can really make something interesting, special, unusual out of yourself, due to a very long and painstaking work above yourself, or you can just create a lot of noise so that you are forced to pay attention. I think that all ways to fill your life with the attention of other people have the right to exist. In the end, people themselves always decide what is interesting to them and what is important to them. You only offer them something, depending on your capabilities and desires. If you want to delve into this topic, if you need to somehow attract attention to yourself in order to reduce the fear of loneliness, then I think that for this it is better for us to talk separately, because there are so many ways to make yourself interesting to other people that all of them not only can be described for a very long time, but not all of them should be spoken about publicly.

Well, now we'll talk about another very important point, because of which we experience the fear of loneliness even when there are no serious grounds for it. This moment is more common, so our entire further conversation will be devoted to it. We are talking about our dependence on other people, or rather, about the dependence of people on each other. This dependence in many cases can be significantly reduced and thus not feel lonely in situations where there is no one around. The problem is that people cannot be self-sufficient in those areas of their lives where this is possible. They simply do not know how to achieve this self-sufficiency. When a person really experiences or simply feels his dependence on other people, both emotionally and materially, and cannot compensate for the lack of external resources with his internal resources, he will inevitably begin to fear loneliness, as it will mean for him the loss of what what he needs.

Well, in this case, let's see how you can become a self-sufficient person, especially emotionally, as well as a confident and independent person, thanks to your inner world, and thus cope with the fear of loneliness.

Our task is to reduce your dependence on the external world and begin to receive more satisfaction from the inner world. To come to this, you must first find out what the outside world gives you, other people, men, women, no matter who, what gives you pleasure, joy, satisfaction, what makes you happy man. This, as I said, can be either material or spiritual values that in one way or another affect our emotional condition. We usually need both. In other words, other people give us something, something tangible and intangible, and this makes us dependent on them. Now let's ask ourselves a question - what of what other people give us, we can find inside ourselves? Or let's put the question even more broadly - how can we provide ourselves so as not to depend on other people?

Material values

Let's start with the material things that we all need, regardless of our internal state, but which can also bind us very strongly to other people. Let's think about what material needs we can satisfy ourselves? Yourself, in the sense of your own hands, your head, your own strength, and not at the expense of someone else's help? Well, I guess everyone has their own answer to that question. And you, I'm sure, also have an informed opinion on this matter. It depends on the opportunities that you have and on your desire to do something for yourself. Let's say, if we talk about money, then there are women in this life who are highly dependent on men in this matter - they are provided by men, so they are strongly attached to them with money. There are also men who are supported by women, or by their parents. And there are women who provide themselves well, they themselves earn well and men do not particularly need money, or do not need it at all. There are other material resources that can attract some people to others and bind them to each other. So what of these resources attracts you to other people and makes you dependent on them - you need to figure out which of these material things you can provide for yourself, or what you can refuse so as not to depend on others people, and thus not be afraid of losing them, these people. Whether you are a man or a woman, the better you can take care of yourself, the less material things will bind you to other people and make you dependent on them. And this addiction, I repeat, feeds our, your fear of loneliness.

The next need, if we talk about the dependence of people of different sexes on each other, is the need for sexual intimacy - let's call it that. Man is made this way, no matter if it's a man or a woman in question that if he is completely healthy and young enough, then he experiences sex drive to individuals of the opposite sex. This need is absolutely normal and completely natural, having, first of all, its own natural goals. People need to reproduce somehow, so they need each other. But this need, again, makes us dependent on each other. And often the feeling of loneliness in people arises precisely because they cannot find a partner for an intimate relationship. So, let's think about whether a person himself can satisfy this need. Well, not quite unnatural, or should I say, not quite the right way Of course he can, if he wants to have fun. Still, for humans, sexual intercourse is mainly a way to have fun, and not a way to reproduce. And this pleasure can be obtained in other ways, without a partner. Although this is not exactly what nature expects from us, nevertheless, people thus receive the desired pleasure, thereby reducing their dependence on people of the opposite sex. Here you also need to think about how much this need makes you dependent on other people, on men or on women. And how much your fear of loneliness is connected with this need. I do not think that in this case it is necessary to become a completely self-sufficient person, but some points related to it can be reconsidered. Let's say if you're used to dating different men or women who are interesting in their own way, but by virtue of their character and life position do not differ in constancy and reliability, so you have to part with them after a while, then you can try to show interest in less bright, less temperamental, less in some way interesting men or women, but at the same time more permanent, reliable and stable. Then your life will become more calm and predictable, and, accordingly, the feeling of loneliness, in the form of fear of parting with another partner, will go away. You will be able to satisfy your sexual need with a person who will need you as much as you need him. This means that you will not have the fear of losing him, which means that the fear of loneliness will not annoy you.

The next step is protection. In this case, if we talk about a woman, then she feels the need for this, that is, she needs a man as a protector. In general, this is the need for certain services from other people. Men also have certain needs for the services of a woman. For example, they need female support, care, attention, affection, and so on. These needs also need to be taken into account when deciding for yourself what you need and what you can provide for yourself. Suppose there are men who cannot, or rather do not want to, defend their woman, in the very broad sense word, they simply don't value her enough to try to protect her in any way they can. possible ways. Therefore, the question arises - does a woman need such a man, precisely as a protector, or is it better for her to find another man for this purpose, or can she protect herself much better? Men, too, do not hurt to think about how the woman with whom they live or are going to live together meets their requirements, or rather, how much they need what this or that woman can offer them. In other words, think about what brings you closer to this or that person, and what or how you can replace what he or she gives you. It is possible that you need a completely different person for a relationship, for living together, or at least you don't need who is next to you right now. Then the dependence on this person will be significantly lower. And if he disappears from your life, you will not feel too lonely. It's like losing something you didn't really need. But this, however, is only material point vision is the way it is. We will talk about the spiritual connection between people below.

In the meantime, let's talk about another very important need related to more to material values, which we can satisfy only with the help of other people - this is the need for a family. And more precisely, it is the need to procreate in the most acceptable way for our culture. This need should not be confused with sexual desire, since sexual desire can be and often is a way for people to get pleasure, which I already wrote about above, that is, people are exclusively on biological level accept this attraction. The need for procreation through a union with a person of the opposite sex, through a family, through serious relationship, if you think at the level of our culture, implies a more, let's say, advanced approach to life. And this need gives rise in us to the desire to be close to such a person, thanks to whom we can the best way to satisfy. That is, if you are a woman, you need a reliable, responsible, serious, caring man with whom you can start a family, who can become good father your children and a good husband to you. You understand, not every man is suitable for such a role. And without a man suitable to meet this need, you can feel very lonely, and of course, you will be afraid of this loneliness, because you will be afraid that you will not have a family and you will not have children.

And if you are a man, then in order to satisfy this need, you need a caring, decent, responsible, honest, and, as I think, clever woman who is able to become a good mother for your children and a good wife for you. Again, not every woman meets these requirements, at least not enough. Therefore, I repeat once again, you should understand well what you really need and how much the person who is now next to you or whom you are looking for corresponds to your goals and generally suits you. Keep in mind that this need is the need to procreate through the creation normal family you can't satisfy yourself. Therefore, no matter how you twist it, you need another person, a partner, and you definitely won’t find him inside yourself. Therefore, if your fear of loneliness is connected precisely with this need, think carefully about how best to satisfy it.

Spiritual values

Now let's talk about spiritual values and, accordingly, about our need for them. Let's start with this important human need as a need for communication. It is quite obvious that this need has no direct relation to material resources, unless communication is aimed at achieving some specific goal related to material resources. But in this case we are talking about such communication, which brings, first of all, moral satisfaction to a person. Of course, it must be said that not all people need communication, at least frequent and rich communication, but they still need, albeit a little communication, with a limited circle of people, but they do. So, in our life there should be such people with whom we can communicate when we need it. Or we must somehow be able to satisfy this need ourselves, at least partially.

But that's not the point, not about introverts or extroverts - it's about the ability to switch from the outside world to the inside when necessary. To do this, you need to learn to enjoy the internal dialogue, from reflection, from reading, from dreams. And when there are many bright images around you, interesting people, all sorts of events when your life is seething - there is simply no time left for immersion in yourself and there is neither need nor desire to communicate with yourself. Still, the outer world seems to most people justifiably much more interesting and rich than the inner world, it makes a stronger impression on most of us. In addition, it is easier to enjoy the outer world than the inner one; this does not require much effort from us. It’s like watching a movie and reading a book, in the first case you don’t even need to think much - all the images are provided to you ready-made, you just have to watch them, experience the observed events, rejoice or be sad. Whereas in the case of a book, you need to turn on the imagination, draw the appropriate images for yourself, imagine the experiences of the main characters, some events, people, and so on. That is, when reading a book, the brain is loaded more than when watching a movie, which means that a person is more actively immersed in his inner world, in his own thoughts. Therefore, if you read a lot and think a lot, fantasize, dream, lead internal dialogue then you can accustom yourself to interesting communication with yourself and not feel lonely when there is no one around to talk to. But you need to get used to it. Give yourself time to think and read. interesting literature, to think about your life and just to be alone with yourself in peace and quiet. Discover in yourself interesting interlocutor with whom you can communicate anytime, anywhere.

As for aesthetic things, values that we love to admire, they can also be replaced. We can admire not only external, and hence other people's beauty, other people's creations, but also internal, and therefore our own beauty, our own creations. To do this, you need to start creating! You need to start - to draw, write, compose, and so on, in general, somehow materialize your imagination, translate your dreams into reality, into something beautiful. The creator will never feel lonely if he is completely immersed in his creativity. Here it is important to learn to enjoy not from external things, not from someone else's work, but from your own, from your own achievements in the field of art and creativity. The more you do creative activity, the less you will need the company of other people and those beautiful and aesthetic things that they create. All your attention will be focused on the pleasure that you will begin to receive from your own activities. Of course, it’s not worth closing yourself off from the outside world in this sense, I think you understand this very well, but it’s very important to make your contribution to the beauty of this world in order to increase your value in your own eyes. Then with such a person - with yourself, you will not be lonely.

Our memories are also of great value to us. Without these memories, we would not exist as individuals. And when we are lonely, we can immerse ourselves in these memories and use them to fill the outer emptiness with inner experiences. Remember how many interesting and bright things were in your life and are now in your memory. Rummage around in your head, find something interesting, pleasant, warm in it and live it again, then at least your mood will improve. You can always mentally relive all the best moments in your life, remembering them in as much detail as possible. Sometimes people are so deeply immersed in their memories that they do not notice at all what is happening to them in real reality, so their memories affect them greatly. Good memories, by the way, help to overcome all sorts of life difficulties, and not just loneliness.

It is also very important to learn to observe everything that surrounds us, you. Life often becomes uninteresting and boring, because everything in it always gets boring, everything gets boring, everything becomes familiar and monotonous over time. But if you learn to notice more details in everything that surrounds us, then the world will immediately become more interesting and rich. Not only some colorful events can evoke exciting feelings and vivid emotions in us, but also everything that we usually do not notice against the background of these events. For example, you can admire the beauty of nature and get great pleasure from it. At night you can admire starry sky, to think about the cosmos, about what secrets it hides in itself, about its life on the scale of the Universe - you can just drown in these thoughts, watching it amazingly fairy world. Then no fear of loneliness will overcome you, for in this Universe you are not alone. The world is so complex that there will always be something to be surprised, something to enjoy and something to rejoice in, it is absolutely not necessary to experience a feeling of loneliness in it, and even more so there is no need to be afraid of this feeling. You just need to become a little more attentive to everything that surrounds you in order to understand that you are not alone.

And finally, the last thing that can save you from the fear of loneliness and that is primarily spiritual, and later can become material value - is a big, bright dream, a great idea, a mission that already endows, or will endow your life in the future meaning. A person's awareness of the meaning of his life allows him to look at it as a story with a happy ending. Such a person knows how to enjoy both every moment he has lived, and also from the future that he dreams of and strives for, as well as from those memories of the past that he has. In other words, a person perceives his life holistically if he keeps memories that are valuable to him, knows how to enjoy what he has here and now, and thinks about his future, striving for his goal, dream, fulfillment of desires. All this allows him to see the meaning in his life, which, like air, is necessary for every sane person. The fear of loneliness in such a person will inevitably go out or not arise at all, since there simply will not be room for him in the head, heart and soul of a person.

Some people can relax and truly take a break from the hustle and bustle of the day only when they are alone. But there is a category of people for whom being alone turns into a real phobia. The fear of loneliness can arise in a person, regardless of his social status whether he is married or in a permanent relationship. If you experience anxiety and excitement, left alone at home, put all unfamiliar people in your phone book, check your mailbox several times a day - you may have the first symptoms of autophobia, fear of loneliness.

The name autophobia implies a common mental deviation, in which only one thought of being alone causes panic horror. In psychology, the fear of being alone is also called monophobia or isolophobia. Timely detection of the disease and its treatment can seriously affect later life patient, because often cases of suicide are recorded in this category of people.

Causes of autophobia

Why are people afraid of loneliness? Sometimes the answer to this question lies in early childhood, when the mother, in order to stop the child's hysteria, threatened to leave him alone in the room. The spoken words: “Either you stop crying, or I will close you in a room alone” can become the first brick in the foundation of autophobia. The fear of being abandoned can also arise at an older age, when the first love and the first partings come.

There is no exact answer to what can cause a particular case of monophobia; psychologists identify the most common factors that provoke the fear of being alone.

Lack of attention and care childhood. Mom pays little attention to the child, often leaves him with strangers.
do not develop personal psychological qualities child in childhood.
As punishment, children are often threatened with being sent to Orphanage or leave it at the store.
Complicated transitional age, unfavorable Environment.
Fear of loneliness in women may arise due to the fear of not having time to start their own family, to give birth to at least 1 child on time.
Excessive gullibility to unfamiliar people, who then caused a lot of suffering.
An obsessive fear of losing loved one.
Difficulties in communication, low self-esteem.
In the past, there have been love dramas with bad endings.
The constant employment of loved ones, the inability to discuss personal problems and experiences with them.

These are the most common causes of fear of loneliness observed in autophobes. Often the reason for this behavior is generally impossible to determine.

Symptoms

Fear of loneliness affects residents of large cities and small towns. According to statistics, residents of high-rise buildings with a bunch of neighbors are more likely to ask themselves how to overcome the fear of loneliness, despite free access to the Internet and the presence of others. modern means connections. What is loneliness and how to avoid it? Most often, the fault of the current situation is the cessation of emotional contact with people around, the distance from each other once close people, relatives. There is an erroneous opinion that female representatives are more afraid of being alone. This is not entirely true, men also experience this phobia, they just hold back their emotions more often.

Symptoms of autophobia usually go unnoticed by others. Afraid to be unnecessary most often teenagers, insecure people, residents of big cities.

Uncertainty in own forces. A person constantly needs support and guidance from others. He seems to be incapable of accepting important decisions and self-esteem drops.
Sudden change of course in relationships. An individual, who yesterday was closed and afraid of people, suddenly becomes a bright extrovert, and strives for communication. Such behavior, on the contrary, can scare people away and aggravate the situation.
Trying to keep your soul mate. Autophobe begins to show complete compliance, loses own opinion, does only what it is told. All this is done with only one goal: not to be alone. In extreme cases, the person may resort to blackmail and threaten suicide if abandoned.

Attacks of neurosis. A striking symptom of autophobia is panic attacks that occur from quite banal situations: separation for several days, unavailability of the subscriber, unanswered calls from a loved one, or simply no response to SMS. Unreasonable seizures are the first signal that the problem of possible loneliness exists and must be dealt with.
Illogical actions. Sometimes the fear of being alone at home pushes women to marry the first person they meet. the main objective in this situation - not to be lonely, and everything else does not matter anymore.
Constant demand for evidence. People suffering from such a mental disorder harass their loved ones with confirmation of their love and eternal friendship. An autophobe just needs to know that he will never be abandoned.

How to get rid of autophobia

How to deal with the fear of loneliness is perhaps the most frequently asked question at a psychologist's appointment. There is no individual in the world who has never once felt the lack of the presence of another person. You can overcome the fear of loneliness by delving into the subconscious, where various fears. First of all, loneliness is an expression inner peace person, his desire to interact emotionally with other people. How more people able to experience compassion, love towards others, the less he suffers from the fear of loneliness. An open and friendly person, always making contact, easily makes new acquaintances. per century modern technologies You can communicate with people who are thousands of miles away.

Experts give some tips on how to get rid of the fear of loneliness:

First of all, you need to understand that it is normal to stay at home alone from time to time. It is impossible to constantly communicate with people, in the life of any person there must be a time when there is no one around. To free time it was not a burden, you need to find something to your liking: household chores, fitness classes or visiting hobby groups. In such places more opportunity meet new acquaintances with similar interests, and there will be less time for sad thoughts.
To have a pet. Many people who have lost loved ones have pets. It does not matter who it will be: a cat, a dog or a fish, the main thing is to feel needed by someone. You can also offer your help to those who need it. Perhaps an old woman lives in the next apartment, who cannot go to the store herself. By helping others, you will begin to gain a sense of pride and satisfaction from your work.
With the problem of how not to be afraid of loneliness, a psychologist will help to cope. If you already have the first symptoms of autophobia, you should not delay visiting a doctor, otherwise a common disorder can develop into a real phobia.
In the daily routine, you need to learn how to do unplanned activities: going to a cafe or cinema with friends, going shopping and buying a nice little thing will help to distract from thoughts of loneliness.

The basis of the psychotherapeutic approach in the treatment of autophobia is the search for the main reason that a person is afraid to be alone. Group lessons are particularly effective in eliminating the main symptoms of the disease. The main goal of therapy is for a person to feel like a person. If autophobia is firmly rooted in the mind of a person and there is a threat to his life, it is recommended to take antidepressants and other medications. Subject to all the recommendations of the psychotherapist and a personal desire to get rid of the problem, there will be no trace of autophobia. It will not only return peace of mind but also build relationships with others.

The fear of being alone is a common phobia. Most people at least once, but thought about what would happen if a loved one leaves them for one reason or another. If the fear of being alone is negatively impacting your life and relationships, it may be time to acknowledge the problem and take it seriously. Living in constant anxiety can seriously undermine your mental and emotional health. The fear of being abandoned can make you an obsessive and moody person, and this will only increase the chances of turning this fear into reality. You can learn to deal with your fear of being alone by identifying the causes of your anxiety, working on improving your emotional health, and changing your negative behavior patterns.

Steps

Part 1

How to deal with your emotions

Move your emotions to the area of your personal responsibility. To get rid of the fear of being alone, you need to find the right and healthy ways to deal with anxiety. The first step in finding healthy coping mechanisms is to take responsibility for your experiences. Even if your emotions are triggered by the actions of other people, understand that how you react to these actions is entirely up to you.

For example, if someone insulted you and you got angry, you need to recognize that even if the remark was really hurtful and humiliating, you can always choose how to respond to it. You can get angry, cry or rush off in a rage, or you can look inside yourself and remember that your well-being does not depend on the opinions of others, smile and just walk away.

Recognize your fears. Think about why the thought of someone leaving you scares you so much? What specific scenario are you afraid of? If you are left today, what special emotions will it evoke in you? What thoughts will be in your head at this moment? By getting to the bottom of your fears in detail, you can help yourself find ways to overcome them.
- For example, you may be afraid that if your partner leaves you, no one will love you, and you yourself will never be able to enter into a relationship again.
Stop generalizing. If your fear of loneliness is caused by some episode from your childhood, you may subconsciously think that the same thing will definitely happen again. Think about events in your childhood that may still influence your life today.

Always check the facts. When anxiety takes over the mind, fact checking is a useful strategy for getting feelings under control. Shut down your emotions and ask yourself if your thoughts are this moment any rationale? Do you think there is a simpler and more explicit explanation for what you are experiencing?
- For example, if your partner has not responded to your messages for half an hour, your first reaction may be such thoughts: “He (she) is tired of me and does not want to communicate with me anymore.” When you start thinking this way, ask yourself, is this really the most plausible reason? Most likely, your partner is just busy talking to someone else, or simply forgot to unmute their phone after a business meeting.
Make it a rule to consider all possibilities. A careful and rational approach to evaluating events teaches us to focus on what is happening now, and not on what may (or may not) happen in the future. Pay attention to how you feel at any particular moment in your life, and instead of immediately reacting or judging yourself, ask yourself: “Why do I feel this way?” This will help you better understand your emotions and know what to listen to and what not to cling to.
- Meditation - good way become aware of your emotions and actions. Even seemingly insignificant five- or ten-minute daily sessions will help you become aware of your emotions and thoughts.
- To get started, you can download a theme app on your phone or watch meditation videos on YouTube.
Part 2
How to correct your behavior
1. Become aware of the patterns of your behavior that push people away from you. If you are afraid of being abandoned, you may often act out of vulnerability and insecurity. Here are some examples of such behavior: you constantly call or write to a person, you ask a person to spend all his free time with you, you accuse others of wanting to leave you. Unfortunately, it is with this behavior that you, even if you don’t want it yourself, scare away your friends and partners. If you notice any of the above, try to find alternative ways to deal with anxiety.
  - By resorting to conscious thinking, you will stop pushing others away. From the point of view of this approach, you will be able to critically assess your motives and consciously abandon impulsive and overly demanding behavior.
  - When you're feeling vulnerable, instead of giving in to your emotions, write about your feelings in a journal. Another good option is to take a walk and consider your feelings.
2. Think about what kind of relationship you want. Often, those who are afraid of being abandoned tend to enter into relationships with emotionally cold people. If you've been dumped before, you may subconsciously choose partners who behave the same way as your parents or former partners.
  - Consider that a more emotionally open partner might break the cycle. constant anxiety and loneliness.
  - If you notice that you tend to engage in emotional unhealthy relationships then a psychologist can help you. Specialist in mental health will help you identify the causes of unhealthy behavior and teach you how to develop those qualities that will draw you into a more stable and healthy relationship.
3. Make lots of friends. If you're afraid of being dumped, you may be obsessing over one relationship while forgetting to contribute to others. By forming a stable social circle, you will no longer focus on only one person, you will feel more confident.
4. Prioritize activities that boost your self-esteem. By increasing self-esteem, you become more self-sufficient emotionally and this will help overcome the fear of being alone. When you are in harmony with yourself and recognize your abilities, you do not need to rely on the appreciation and attention of others.
  - To increase self-esteem, learn new skills, become a volunteer and help others, just work on a project that is important to you.

Fear of being alone The fear of loneliness is familiar to most people, each of us at one time or another in our lives is sure to face the fear of being misunderstood, rejected.

The fear of being alone is familiar to most people. Each of us in one or another period of life necessarily faces the fear of being misunderstood, rejected. Such fear is inherent in the individual. Otherwise, it is also called autophobia. A person feels his restlessness, isolation, remoteness from others. You can feel lonely even in a crowd when there is no one around who could understand. Sometimes it is not possible to overcome loneliness. It is especially pronounced in situations where it is difficult to get help and support from loved ones. Gradually, the individual withdraws into himself and gets used to being constantly depressed.

Symptoms of fear of being alone

The fear of loneliness is expressed in specific manifestations, which are difficult not to pay attention to. A person gradually drives himself into a framework that limits his happy worldview and prevents him from moving forward in life. Let us consider in more detail the symptoms of fear of loneliness. It is impossible not to notice, it immediately catches the eye.

Feeling useless

The feeling of abandonment can haunt a person for a long time. It is often not possible to get rid of it even when the individual begins to make appropriate attempts to correct the situation. The feeling of being useless puts pressure on the emotional state, affects the physical well-being. The fear of loneliness is born when there is no one to turn to for help.

Low self-esteem

Fear itself always affects the individual vision of their own prospects. It begins to seem to a person that he is not capable of anything, there is a loss of faith in his own strength. All reflections are built only around their weaknesses. The inability to build close relationships with others upsets even more, hinders the building of interpersonal relationships. Low self-esteem- one of the most characteristic manifestations of the fear of loneliness. A person simply does not feel capable of any significant achievements.

Anxiety

A person, seized by the fear of loneliness, worries about literally everything. She is disturbed possible consequences certain actions. Fear is present even in everyday affairs, because there is always the possibility of doing something wrong. does not allow us to set ourselves serious tasks and strive for their implementation. On the contrary, it fences off from people, contributes to the development of isolation and distrust. As a result, it turns out that what stronger personality anxious, the farther emotionally from others. As a result, misunderstanding, alienation and despair are growing.

Dependence on others

The fear of loneliness makes a person constantly seek help and support from relatives, relatives and friends. Such people are confident in their own inability to somehow influence the situation. They are afraid to make decisions, to take responsibility. Addiction is primarily related to emotions. This is how the fear of not being on top manifests itself. Gradually, a person becomes more and more convinced of his own weakness and insolvency. Before making a decision, he will consult with others for several hours, worry about a possible mistake.

Fear in women

In women, the fear of loneliness is associated primarily with a sense of uselessness. They subconsciously expect disappointment from partnerships and do not believe in the very prospect of finding their happiness. Women are gradually becoming confident that no one needs them. In fact, they simply did not find enough strength and patience in themselves to properly work on themselves. The fear of loneliness in women occupies a leading position among other experiences. It is so important for the fair sex to feel needed and loved.

Causes of fear of loneliness

The feeling of fear does not arise from nowhere. It is necessarily due to something, has its own reasons. What are they?

Failure to trust

If a person is characterized by excessive suspicion, then it will be much more difficult for her to learn how to build partnerships, there is a fear of relationships. The inability to trust greatly affects the perception of the surrounding reality and the people around. Fear appears when there is a chance to face disappointment or any other unpleasant situation again. Man covered negative feelings, can not feel truly happy and prosperous. He constantly thinks that only trouble lies ahead of him.

Psychological trauma

Fear often appears as a result of the transferred psychological trauma. And it doesn't matter how strong it is. The main thing, perhaps, is that the system of beliefs of the individual is changing. Appears waiting most worst case development of events. If an individual does not know how to get rid of this oppressive state, then it may seem to him that no one can help him. Thus, a wall of alienation arises, which does not make it possible to look at the situation from the outside. The presence of psychological trauma can leave despair and emptiness in the soul for a long time.

How to get rid of the fear of loneliness

A similar problem, when it occurs, is sure to Negative influence to all areas of life. The emotional component suffers, relations with people undergo changes, the ability to understand oneself and one's desires is lost. How to get rid of this problem? Let's try to figure it out.

Don't lock yourself in

This is the worst thing that can be done in a state where there are strong soul feelings. Excessive focus on the problem makes it difficult to see its origins, to outline for oneself worthy ways out of a personal spiritual crisis. Closeness to one's feelings can lead to irreparable consequences, make a person unsociable and extremely distrustful. The sooner the individual realizes that one cannot delve too deeply into one's own experiences, the better. You need to try to communicate more, spend time in a pleasant company, in nature or reading an interesting book.

Restrict internet

The overload of information that is currently in open access can really hurt. Do not get carried away visiting sites with an aggressive theme, read articles that cause sadness and longing. There is such a pattern: the more time a person spends online, the more socially limited he feels. The constant presence of a lonely person in social networks contributes to a greater awareness of their loneliness. Why is this happening? The fact is that on their pages people post mostly the most successful photos, report on their achievements and victories. As a result, such an individual has the impression that everyone around is happy, except for him. Of course, this is far from true. It's just that the Internet masks the problems. After all, no one will upload evidence of their own insolvency, anxiety and bitterness to the network.

Communication with like-minded people

Interaction with like-minded people is incredibly inspiring, makes you feel useful and unique. Close communication will help build a sense of self-confidence. Then you will no longer be lonely. Always remember that there is a way out of any situation. You don’t need to attribute a state of hopelessness to yourself, without even trying to change anything.

Thus, the fear of loneliness greatly affects a person's attitude. To get rid of this depressing state, you need to work on yourself correctly. The most important thing is to set a goal and go towards its achievement, even if it is small steps. If you are unable to solve the problem yourself, then you can ask for help at the center of psychology of Irakli Pozharisky. Working with a Help Desk Specialist can understand all the complexities that have brought discord into the mental organization of the individual. The activity of a psychologist is aimed at restoring the client's internal balance, building ways to overcome despair.

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